fic | star trek: aos | watch yourself

[mekosuchinae]

Title: Watch Yourself
Fandom: Star Trek: AOS
Rating: Cussin' and suggestions.
Excerpt: He never should have done it with that energy being.

Jim was maybe three possibly sincere compliments away from scoring a date with Nurse Biyonde, she of the long, long legs and the four equally gorgeous green eyes, when McCoy returned with the results of his test.

"What's the news, doc?" Jim said, snapping off a wink at Biyonde, who hid her smile behind one shapely claw.

McCoy tapped his hand against the chart, one strike of his palm against the plastic, then another. "Captain," he said, then in a quiet voice: "Jim. I'm going to be straight with you."

"Shoot from the hip, Bones," said Jim.

McCoy glanced at Nurse Biyonde and leaned in close, close enough that Jim could make out the slight tightness of the skin around McCoy's eyes. McCoy said, "Jim." He grasped Jim's shoulder and squeezed once in a rough approximation of comfort, and said, "It's the space clap."

"What?" Jim said. And then, because he felt this was a point that required extensive clarification, he said: "What?"

Nurse Biyonde's smile slipped away. She said, "I have to... review some charts."

Jim would have turned to watch her go - it was indeed his first instinct, to turn and watch the sway of her hips and the trailing tentacles, and what was that wise old saying about leaving and going? - but there were more important things at hand, like for one, space clap. He never should have done it with that energy being, or at least he should have worn a condom. But in his defense: energy being.

Jim swallowed around the lump in his throat and said, "Bones, I swear I--"

McCoy grabbed his hand and dropped a little bottle into it. Gently, gently, he curled Jim's fingers around the bottle. He said, "Take two now, then one every eight hours for the next ten days. You're probably going to want to refrain from any sexual activity for the next month." He hesitated, then covered Jim's hand with his own. "I'm sorry, Jim," he said.

Jim said, "Bones, I - are you serious?"

"No, you idiot," McCoy snapped, dropping Jim's hand. "You have a case of Terillian flu; it'll clear up in a few days. I just want you to stop hitting on the medical staff. This is sickbay, not your goddamn high school prom."

Jim tightened his grip on the bottle and then, like the thwarted villain in a B holovid, he lifted his fist high and shook it in his fury, the pills rattling like thunder within the bottle. "Bones," he said, "you motherfucker!"

"My relationship with your mother is none of your goddamn business," McCoy said. "Now get the fuck out of my sickbay."

DRUGS ARE AWESOME. Awesome! My face hurts so bad.