Fic: Shadow (11/River)
She's screaming. There's lots of screaming- and squeezing his hand. Her face is all sweaty and there's still more screaming and panting and her curly hair is stuck to her face and he's sure that his hand is going to break when-
A small cry pierces the now silent air. River releases his hand suddenly, gasping for air. The small little chubby person is taken away for a moment, and he steps forwards to see what's going on, but River takes his hand and stops him from moving, pleading him to stay with her eyes. And so he does.
The small bundle is passed to him and he gently cradles the small bundle as if it's made of the most precious china in all of the galaxies. He grins stupidly, as he always does, but that stupid grin is filled with pride. He pulls the blankets away from it's face, and is confronted with River's eyes, his high cheekbones, River's plump lips and his chin on a small, chubby face.
Before he can think, he's whispering, "Hello, little one." and the small bundle stares back at him with wide, River-like eyes. He swallows back his tears then, and his voice is small and defeated, "You're beautiful, you are."
A small sob escapes him and his body jerks, yet he holds tightly onto the little bundle. "You would've been brilliant!" He whispers proudly.
Then he closes her empty River-like eyes so it looks as if she is sleeping and presses a lingering kiss to her nose that wasn't either his or River's; it's just simply hers.
He turns to River then, and starts to hand the small bundle to her, but she shakes her head and presses her lips together. She reaches out and pats the middle of the bundle, and then she turns away, laying down and pressing her face into the pillow. Her body doesn't shake, but he knows that she's crying.
"Senka." He whispers.
She peeks up at him sadly with teary eyes, "Senka?"
"It means shadow." He tells her.
She turns back to the pillow and this time her body shakes. River cries silently, though, as she always does; trying to conceal her pain. He knows that she's grieving and he knows that she's hurting, but somehow he can't bring himself to say anything because all that pain that was hiding deep within him from all 912 years of his life has re-surfaced all because of this beautiful, impossible child. And it leaves him staring after Senka as the nurses take her away with pitying looks, and he can barely breathe.
He wonders if River understands why he named her Senka, meaning shadow, as he watches them take away his already sleeping child.
Senka was the shadow of what could have been, but never will.