Forgotten (River/11)
Forgotten
Unbeta'd. Constructive criticism is totally wanted :) Enjoy?
She whispers it into the dark of the TARDIS one night.
They lay, an entanglement of limbs, on his bed, her head resting on his chest and listening to his beating hearts; feeling her own two beat at the same time. Matching. He's been telling her about past companions, people he's loved and lost. He didn't want to, but she wanted to know. River wasn't a stupid girl, she's aware that she was not the first companion The Doctor had (nor was she the first woman The Doctor had ever loved), and she knew that she would not be the last. She wanted to know and so he told her. That's when she whispers it.
"You can forget about me, you know." She whispers, so quietly he almost doesn't hear her, "I wouldn't mind."
The Doctor turns to look at her while frowning, "What do you mean? Why would I want to forget about you?" He asks curiously, tucking a stray strand of her curly hair behind her ear.
"Once I'm gone." She tells him, staring into his eyes, "Once you lose me. Whether it be a happy goodbye or not, you're going to lose me at some point- It's our fate, our destiny." She explains, running her hands across his bare chest and tracing patterns lightly, "We were never supposed to be forever, regardless of whether we can both live that long. Back-to-front, my beginning is your end and vice versa. It has to have a beginning, and it has to have an end."
He says nothing but stares at her with pain in his eyes. He knows better than to argue. This is River Song. Melody Pond. The most special, and most intelligent, woman he has ever known. She knows Gallifrayean and knows how to fly the TARDIS and is part timelord. She knows how half of the planets in the universe begin and how they die. She knows that all things must come to an end and she accepts that fact; unlike so many other companions in this TARDIS that promise to travel forever.
"So..." River rests her head on his chest, her breath whispers across his chest, "When someone new comes along, forget me. Forget all the travels and jokes and laughter and moments like this. Give them something to remember. Don't stay all choked up in the past. You have so much past, my love, and you have to let it all go, no matter how hard it is. So I want you to forget me when the time comes. And I will forget you, my love; It will all be easier that way."
And still The Doctor says nothing, knowing that she is right, and even if he is to argue she'd know that he thought she was right. Oh, his perfect, amazing River Song. Gone before it starts. But that's how it always is for them; sadness and angst and never meeting in the right order. Meeting someone whom you love who doesn't feel the same way, one who does not know you, or one that loves you when you barely even know them. And he wonders why they were so doomed from the beginning, can nothing ever go right? Not just once? River was a timelord, she would be able to stay with him forever.
But she can't.
He does not notice that he is crying until she is murmuring "Shh, sweetie." and wiping his tears away. He kisses her gently and holds her close and tells himself to remember even though he really ought to forget.