New Again Part 3
Title: New Again
Author:melooza
Artists/Mixers: jadebriady manghahabi
Beta creampuffsteph
Universe: TOS/AOS
Pairings(s): Nu!Jim/Prime!Spock side of Nu!Spock/Nu!Uhura
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sex of the butt
Summary: When the stress of captaining a ship starts to wear on Jim, he seeks out a friend who will understand.
Link to Fic: Fic found on AO3 Here
Link to Art: Art by jadebriady Here
Link to Mix: Mix by manghahabi Here
Jim had never been in so much pain in his life.
The Enterprise had been called to help an experimental colony on Gamma Hydra IV. The colonists were suffering premature aging and needed help fast. The Captain had beamed down with Spock, Nurse Chapel, Lieutenants Uhura and Galaway, and Chekov to assess the damages.
The Lieutenants organized and interviewed the colonists. Both were fluent in several languages which allowed them to gather information quickly. Spock and Nurse Chapel were going over the medical files from each and comparing it to samples taken from the surroundings. Chekov was running numbers while Kirk ran between them all trying to make sense of it. He sent it all back to McCoy who was racing against the clock for a cure.
The landing party was not prepared to be affected themselves. Well, all but Chekov. He still looked like he was a first year at the Academy. Every other member of the landing party started to age when they’d beamed back to the ship at the end of the day. It was unsettling to look at the aged version of his first officer. When the aging started to show on Spock it was all wrong. He was similar to Selek but in no way Jim’s Vulcan. This only added to the pressure and motivation to find a solution. It was unsettling for everyone to watch the affects of aging expedited. Jim grew more and more panicked as time passed.
With the help of Chapel, Spock, and about a pint of Chekov’s blood, the Doctor was able to get a serum to reverse the effects made. It was painful, it took double the time to make things right, and the affected needed to get a daily shot. But it was the safest option. Sadly, three colonist and Lt. Galaway died before the antidote could be completed and distributed.
Jim was on Day 4 of his treatment and the pain hadn’t gotten any easier. At his worst, he’d looked close to 110. He looked in his 60’s now. His hair was an even mix of blond and gray, lines were visible on his face and his body had gone soft with time. He vowed never to complain about getting old again as he snuck out of sickbay.
He’d rather suffer in peace.
Once Kirk made it back to his room he stopped and leaned against the wall to catch his breath. He could feel his body begin to loosen and some of the the aging slip away. Little by little the aches and pains were leaving him.
Jim heard footsteps in the corridor and panicked thinking Bones had tracked him down. He dove under his desk knocking half of the stuff sitting on top to the ground. Kirk listened to hear if the footsteps passed.
“Jim?” a voice called above him.
It wasn’t Bones, but Selek. Jim must have accidentally hailed him when he dove under the desk.
“Yeah, I’m here.” But Jim made no move to come out of hiding.
“Why can I not see you? I have been most troubled by our lack of communications. Are you injured?” Selek sounded a little panicked. Kirk realized this was the longest they’d gone without any sort of communication.
“Sort of. I’m getting better now. It looks worse than it is.” Jim tried to sound reassuring.
“And yet I still cannot see you.” The edge in Selek’s voice was still there.
“That’s because I’m hiding from Bones.” Jim’s back and knees were starting to ache from his position. “Also I’m kind of stuck now”
“Why are you hiding from the Doctor?” The Vulcan’s voice was flat.
Jim slowly started to work himself out of the space and braced himself on his desk chair. “I may have snuck out of sickbay early.”
“I demand you show yourself so I can make my own assessment or I will alert the Doctor to your whereabouts.” Selek’s tone left no doubt in Jim’s mind that he would do just that.
“OK” Jim sighed. “But I should warn you. It looks much worse than it really is. You have to try not to freak out. Okay?”
“Show yourself, Jim.” Selek demanded.
Jim slowly peeked up from under the desk. Jim was met with a very startled Selek. The Vulcan was staring at him with his mouth slightly opened.
“Hi.” Jim smiled and waved.
Selek just continued to stare.
“Shit, Selek. Do I really look that bad?” Jim was starting to rethink his sickbay jail break.
“I must apologize, Jim, but I was not prepared for this kind of ailment. You said it has gotten better?” Selek looked visibly shaken.
“Hey” Jim said softly trying to sooth his lover. “It has gotten much better. I should be back to myself in about a week, okay?”
Selek looked away and only gave a nod in reply. Jim had never seen him like this. Angry Vulcan he could handle, but scared upset Vulcan was something new to him.
“How are you doing?” Jim tried to take the topic off of himself.
Selek answered without looking at Jim. “I am adequate. I am pleased to know you are no longer in harm’s way. “
“Yep, It hurts like a bitch but I’ll be back to myself in no time.” Jim tried make his voice bright, but failed.
“I apologize, Jim, but I must take my leave. I have a meeting scheduled. However,” Selek paused and his voice softened, “it should concluded in 4.25 hours if you are available then.”
Jim relaxed slightly. “I’d love to, but Bones has a round of tests scheduled for then. We’ll think of something though, right?”
“Affirmative.”
Once the hail ended Jim felt as though he’d missed something big.
---
“Are you sure there’s no other way, Bones? You have to be sure.” Jim was about to put his career on the line. It needed to be their only option.
“There’s no other way. He’ll die if we don’t do something, Jim.”
The Captain rubbed his face and sighed. “Okay. Thanks Bones. Keep me updated on how he’s doing.”
Jim left sickbay and made his way to the bridge. He steeled himself as the doors opened.
“Sulu, I need you to plot a course to New Vulcan at warp 7.” Jim’s voice left no room for argument.
Sulu began plotting without so much as a backwards glance.
“Uhura, I need to you message Starfleet and let them know we will be late picking up the supplies. “
Her hands began to fly over the controls before he even finished speaking. She knew what was at stake.
“I would like to offer anyone the chance to make their protests known. We are disobeying a direct order to stay on course, and I do not want this to reflect badly on anyone but myself.” Jim looked at each member of his bridge crew as he spoke. “Commander Spock is very sick and his best chance at survival depends on us reaching New Vulcan.”
Sulu cleared his throat and raised his hand.”Permission to speak freely, Captain?”
“Granted.”
“I think I speak for everyone when I say, Fuck them. We’re with you one hundred percent.” Sulu’s words were reflected in the faces of everyone on the bridge.
“Thank you.” Jim’s throat felt tight at the loyalty his crew was showing. He cleared his throat and turned to his Communication Officer. “Lieutenant, I believe you are needed in sickbay. Have Owens replace you.” Uhura left with a quiet thank you and a kiss on Jim’s cheek.
Once everything was in order and they were speeding their way towards New Vulcan, Jim gave Sulu the con and made his way to his room. Regardless of the outcome, Jim knew he’d done the right thing. He couldn’t sit ideally by and watch one of his best friends die. Turns out deaging a Vulcan took twice as long as it took Jim and the other human crew. It also messed with Spock’s internal clock and knocked him into an early mating cycle. They would have never figured it out if it hadn’t been for Selek who knew right away what was wrong with Spock.
While a mating cycle may have seemed like an easy fix given that he was in a relationship with Uhura, it was much more complex than that. They needed to be bonded before Spock could gain any kind of relief. They needed a trained Vulcan healer to do the bonding and the closest one was on New Vulcan. Until then Spock was getting sicker and more disoriented as his body looked for release.
Jim turned his thoughts to Selek, who had grown more distant since he’d seen Jim as his maybe 60 year old self. Jim wasn’t sure what to do. He felt as if he was losing the best thing in his life with no idea as to why. Sure they still hailed one another almost daily but it was forced and stilted. At least once they got to the colony he’d be able to face whatever it was head-on. Until then, Kirk had a job to do.
---
They arrived at the colony with little fanfare. Selek had made it quite clear that Spock’s condition was one his people handled discreetly. So only Jim, Uhura, and Dr. McCoy new of the exact cause of Spock’s illness. When they landed Uhura beamed down early to prepare for what needed to happen in for the bonding. Spock and Jim were beamed down about a half an hour after Uhura.
Jim steadied Spock as they made their way to the ceremony chambers. Uhura was there waiting in traditional Vulcan robes. T’Pol was there to oversee and it was all over before Jim could understand what was going on. What he did comprehend was when Spock practically attacked Uhura, not caring that others were in the room.
Jim was so focused on getting Spock where he needed to be and then getting out so Spock could do what he needed to do (Uhura), Jim didn’t notice Selek’s presence until he’d left the ceremony room. Jim realized Selek wasn’t following the others in attendance, and it seemed as if he was waiting for Jim.
“Hey.” Jim was unsure of what he’d get in reply.
“Hello, Jim,“ Selek offered in return.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Jim tried but his joke fell flat.
Selek merely gave a nod in return. Jim had to laugh at himself. He could face down Klingons and battle angry natives but was failing at simply talking to his boyfriend. He decided to take a risk.
“I missed you, Selek. A lot actually.” He said quietly, eyes cast to the ground. “It’s selfish but I was glad to bring Spock here so I could see you.”
“Jim, I missed you as well and had the same self serving sentiments towards Spock’s condition.”
Jim looked up to meet Selek’s eyes and knew he was telling the truth. In seconds Jim was wrapping his arms around Selek and burying his face in the Vulcan;s neck.
“I was so nervous though. You’ve been acting so distant since Hydra IV and I felt as if I’d lost you. I was terrified to come here and find out it was true.”
Selek pulled out of the embrace and placed a gentle, chaste, human kiss on Jim’s lips; much like the one Jim had given him at the end of their first date.
“I am much too self serving to ever end our relationship. You would have to be the one to end things. However, I do owe you an explanation for my behavior.”
Jim wanted to say Selek didn’t need to but Jim needed to know what had been going on.
“Why don’t you take me to a place where we can really talk about it. Just us?”
“Agreed”
---
Selek’s house was not how Jim had imagined it. They’d decided it was the best place and Jim wanted to focus without having to worry about anything else. Now he was standing in a house that could be on any other planet. It gave Jim a bit of sadness at the thought. He’d always heard of the greatness in Vulcan architecture. Now they were coping with cookie cutter houses.
The structure was small and modest. There was a living room that was more like a study; it was lined with books and there was a modest desk in the corner. It was covered in paper and pads.
Selek was in the kitchen making tea and Jim moved to sit at the table. He wasn’t sure where Selek would be more comfortable and made a guess. Once they were quietly sipping their tea, Selek began to talk.
“Your guess about the origins of my odd behavior are correct. I was indeed affected by such rapid ageing on your body.” He paused as if remembering something very painful. “In my reality, I had a human mate. Humans age much faster than Vulcans. I knew this before entering the relationship but was not fully prepared for it when the time came.”
Jim was not one to be jealous over the past, but he did ache for the Vulcan’s loss. He was able to fill in the rest in his mind.
“Seeing me aged brought back those memories.”
“Vividly.” Selek looked troubled.
“Hey.“ Jim said softly. “it’s okay. You’re allowed to get spooked. I sure as hell was.”
“It is more complex than that, Jim.” Selek looked down. “I had not thought of you as your counterpart from my reality since 3.5 standard weeks into our correspondence.” Selek paused and continued to look down. “Seeing you aged reminded me of what I have lost and what I could lose again.”
Jim sat motionless for a moment as he processed what he’d just heard.
“You were with the other me?”
Selek didn’t look up. “Correct”
“For how lon-” Jim’s com unit beeped, cutting him off. “Shit. I have to take this.” As much as he wanted, no needed to talk with Selek, Jim was still a Starship Captain with responsibilities he could not ignore.
“Indeed”
“Just give me a second. We’re not done here,” Jim said in his Captain's voice then left the room without an answer. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
“Kirk here.”
“Captain,” Sulu answered. “You’re needed back on the ship ASAP. Command’s sent word and they are pissed about the detour.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Understood.”
Jim braced himself on the sink. He had no idea what to do or to believe. Jim had completely forgotten about the fallout of changing course once he’d seen Selek. Jim knew he needed to get back and deal with the mess. That still left Jim’s relationship with Selek to deal with. He hadn’t prepared for this. Jim had thought maybe Selek had some sort of younger man kind of thing, but not this. It was one thing to have exes. Who didn’t? It was another thing to have a former partner be you from another reality. Right now, Jim felt like a replacement. He had so many questions and Jim wasn’t really sure if he wanted to know the answers. He needed them though. Jim had never felt like he was filling in the place for someone else, but then again he hadn’t been looking.
Jim took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He steeled himself for what was to come.
He strode out of the bathroom, walking to the table where Selek seemed to have not moved at all.
“Did you only start this thing with us to replace what you had in your reality?”
Selek looked up. “I do not understand. “
“Bullshit!” Jim tired not to yell.”I don’t have time to split words. You know what I fucking mean.”
Selek’s features grew hard. “Are you inquiring if I am solely engaged in this association due to my previous romantic attachment to your counterpart?”
Jim gave a short nod in reply.
“Then the answer to your question is no, I did not.”
Jim didn’t find any comfort in the Vulcan’s words. “Fine. I have to go find out if I’m keeping my ship. Once I’m done with that I’ll have to think long and hard about whether I believe you or not.”
“Jim?” Selek looked shaken.
“Look, my whole life I’ve lived in the shadow of others. Now, I find I may be living in a shadow of what I should be with you.” Jim didn’t look at Selek as he spoke.
“Jim, that is not-” Selek tried.
“I need time, Selek.” Jim said softly.
Selek looked down at his drink. “Very well, Jim”
“I have to go. I’ll be in touch.” Jim was out the door, leaving a stricken Selek in his wake. Jim didn’t bother to close the front door behind him.
Selek slowly made his way to the door and closed it.
“Good bye, Jim.”
---
If getting your ass handed to you was an Olympic sport, Jim would be champion. Admiral Komack wasn’t pissed that Jim had ignored his orders to stay on course and not go to New Vulcan. No, he was pissed Jim made him look bad. Komack railed on him for not explaining the severity of Spock’s condition. (Which Jim, Dr. McCoy and Dr. M’Benga, who was stationed on New Vulcan, had all individually conveyed to the Admiral.) Somehow “He’s going to die if he doesn’t get treatment on New Vulcan” wasn’t clear enough.
Had Komack known, of course he would have granted the Enterprise permission to divert their course. Jim was ninety percent sure Sarek had pulled his weight as the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth to put a squash to any reprimands Jim would have faced as a result of saving his son.
Jim now sat alone in his room with orders to return to their original mission. Spock and Uhura would remain on New Vulcan while the Enterprise was gone to allow their bond to stabilize with the help of healers. Jim would pick them up once the mission was complete. Jim hailed Spock with the news.
“Captain, the bond is stable enough that Uhura and I could join you to avoid anymore scheduling delays.”
“‘Stable enough’ does not mean stable, Spock.” Jim looked concerned. “If you’re going to do something, do it right. We’ll be back in two weeks, which according to M’Benga, is just the right amount of time for the bond to settle.Call it an unofficial honeymoon of sorts.”
Spock looked like he was about to say something when Uhura popped her head on screen.
“Thank you, Jim! I’ll explain it to him!” Her smile was bright and disgustingly happy.
“You’re welcome. Enjoy yourselves, okay?”
“We will!” Uhura ended the call with a blushing and confused looking Spock in the background.
But the truth was, Jim needed the extra time to figure out what the hell he was going to do with Selek. Sure, Jim could do it all over hails and messages but if it was going to end, Jim wanted one last chance to hold Selek and say goodbye. They hadn’t talked since the day at Selek’s house. Jim felt empty and cold. He didn’t like it but Jim still felt so lost.
He needed a drink and Jim knew right where to find it.
---
“So let me get this straight,” Dr. McCoy poured him another glass of brandy as he spoke. “He was with the other you in wherever the hell he came from?”
“Yep.” Jim downed the glass in one go. He was seated comfortably in one of the doctor’s office chairs.
“So you’re saying that green-blooded bastard knew exactly how to play you?”
Jim only shrugged in reply. He honestly didn’t know.
“Let me guess.” Bones leaned back in his seat and took a large drink. “He played hard to get, sending you mixed signals that always left you guessing. You never knew exactly where you stood or if you were the only one. If he got clingy fast you would have bolted, Jim.” He finished smugly.
Jim just stared blankly at his friend who had summed up every single relationship he’d had in the academy. Carol, Gary, Areel, Finny, and Gaila. Every relationship.
Save this one.
“No. He didn’t do that. Not at all.” Jim conceded. It still didn’t make him feel better.
McCoy waved his hand dismissively. “Just because he doesn’t know your type doesn’t mean he didn’t play you. Didn’t he know exactly what to order you on your first date?”
Again, the statement didn’t sit well with Jim. “No, that’s not true. He asked the hotel concierge for that.”
“You sure about that?” The look on Bones’ face made it clear he didn’t believe it.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Jim was starting to get irritated.
His friend still looked doubtful. “How?”
“Because I fucking talked to her, okay? She asked me what I thought! Is that good enough for you or do you think Selek paid her to pretend to work at the hotel?” Jim had to stop himself before he said anymore.
“Fine. Bad example.” McCoy offered. “But that doesn’t mean he didn’t do it.” He paused for a second. “Uh.. I’m not sure how to.. um.. say this, but are you sure he wasn’t using you for sex?”
Jim was out of his seat in a minute. His face was twisted in rage. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave or punch his friend in the face.
“Hold on there!” McCoy yelled. “I don’t like talking about this, but you have to be honest with yourself. When you were together did he seem like he was there with you? And before you punch me in the face, remember I’ve gone through this kind of thing.”
Jim knew the doctor was right. McCoy’s ex-wife had been unfaithful the last year of their marriage.
“Shit, Bones, I’m sorry.” Kirk took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “ The thing is, If he hadn’t told me, I would have never known. He didn’t treat me like a replacement. Hell, half the time he seemed just as awkward with dating as I did. It didn’t feel like it was faked or insincere. All the things you brought up just made me want to punch you in the face. Not him.”
“The truth can be a hard thing.”
“Yeah, but that’s just it. The truth is I can’t find one instance to justify my anger, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. The doubt is still there. I can handle previous relationships with other people, because they weren’t me. Only, turns out they were. I know it sounds stupid but I thought this was something that was just mine.”
McCoy nodded his head in understanding. “Have you talked to him about it?”
“Kind of?”
“Define ‘kind of’.” McCoy’s faced darkened.
“I asked him before I left if I was a replacement. He said no. We really didn’t have time to talk about anything else. I had to get back here and have my ass handed to me.”
“Well how about this; did you think of Spock as Selek when you saw him aged?”
Jim flinched. “Fuck, no. Don’t get me wrong, they did look similar, but it wasn’t the same. By a long shot.
“Well that’s something.” Bones offered. “Maybe it’s the same for Selek.”
Jim just shrugged in reply.
Bones leaned forward in his chair and Jim followed suit. “The thing is Jim, it comes down to a few simple questions. Do you believe him and is it something you’re willing to take a risk on?” Jim made to answer but McCoy held up his hand. “I’m not the one you need to answer to, Jim. Judging by your reaction to Spock aged and me bad mouthing Selek, I think you have a good idea of your answer.”
Neither of them talked much after that. As Jim walked back to his room he thought over his friend's words. Deep down he knew the choice was made. It didn’t make it any easier or provide comfort.
He just hoped he was right.
---
They reached New Vulcan with little trouble. The Enterprise was to remain in orbit for only one standard day to get a list of what supplies they needed for the colony and to double check the bond between Spock and Uhura was stable.
That didn’t leave much time for Jim to sort out his love life.
The crew wanted to throw the newlyweds a reception, and while it wasn’t strictly regulation, it did work in Jim’s favor. He sent out invites to everyone planetside that he could think of a fews days before they were set to arrive and asked them to spread the word to anyone Jim may have missed. He requested confirmation of attendance if possible to allow for planning but Jim really only wanted to use it to see if a certain Vulcan would be coming.
He received answers from all but the aforementioned Vulcan.
On the day of arrival Jim still hadn’t heard anything and he hated it. Taking a chance, Jim sent the first message since he’d seen his lover.
To: Ambassador Selek of New Vulcan
From: Captain James T. Kirk, USS Enterprise
I miss you.
Jim
Feeling less brave as soon as he sent the message, Jim fled to the rec room. He greeted the couple with big smiles and hugs, much to Spock’s horror. Jim laughed at the Vulcan’s discomfort. “Relax, Spock. It’s just what humans do when they're happy for their friends.”
“Indeed.” Spock’s face showed he was not amused.
Uhura just smiled and shook her head at the pair.
“Now, Spock, don’t growl at me or anything, but I’m going to hug your wife.”
“If you must.” While Spock’s face was blank, Kirk knew better.
“Come ‘ere” Jim opened his arms and Uhura stepped in.
“Thank you. For everything.” She hugged him tightly.
“Don’t mention it.” Jim kissed the top of her head and let go. “Alright, now get to your party.” Jim waved at them. Uhura smiled and shook her head while Spock looked puzzled at Jim’s actions.
Jim scanned the room quickly to see if there was anyone he needed to make small talk with before he fled to his room. There wasn’t so he made his way to the exit. He was almost there when something caught his eye. Selek was sitting in a seat that was empty a moment ago. Jim stopped walking and stared. Selek seemed to be transfixed by the drink in his hand. Jim squared his shoulders and made his way over.
“What are you having?”
Selek slowly looked up to meet Jim’s eyes. “I find that I cannot remember my choice of beverage. My mind was preoccupied with other matters.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Now that Selek was in front of Jim, he wasn’t sure where to start. A familiar melody floated in the background and gave Jim and idea. “So I was thinking, how would you fancy a dance with me?” Jim hoped his meaning wasn’t lost on Selek.
Selek’s face grew serious. “I would desire nothing more than to dance with you, Jim. Only you.”
That was the answer Jim needed.
For now at least.
Jim held out his hand to Selek, who took it at once. They joined the other couples on the floor holding one another close, and moved to the music. Jim knew they had so much left to say before things were truly solved.
But for now they would dance.
Epilogue
Author:melooza
Artists/Mixers: jadebriady manghahabi
Beta creampuffsteph
Universe: TOS/AOS
Pairings(s): Nu!Jim/Prime!Spock side of Nu!Spock/Nu!Uhura
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sex of the butt
Summary: When the stress of captaining a ship starts to wear on Jim, he seeks out a friend who will understand.
Link to Fic: Fic found on AO3 Here
Link to Art: Art by jadebriady Here
Link to Mix: Mix by manghahabi Here
Jim had never been in so much pain in his life.
The Enterprise had been called to help an experimental colony on Gamma Hydra IV. The colonists were suffering premature aging and needed help fast. The Captain had beamed down with Spock, Nurse Chapel, Lieutenants Uhura and Galaway, and Chekov to assess the damages.
The Lieutenants organized and interviewed the colonists. Both were fluent in several languages which allowed them to gather information quickly. Spock and Nurse Chapel were going over the medical files from each and comparing it to samples taken from the surroundings. Chekov was running numbers while Kirk ran between them all trying to make sense of it. He sent it all back to McCoy who was racing against the clock for a cure.
The landing party was not prepared to be affected themselves. Well, all but Chekov. He still looked like he was a first year at the Academy. Every other member of the landing party started to age when they’d beamed back to the ship at the end of the day. It was unsettling to look at the aged version of his first officer. When the aging started to show on Spock it was all wrong. He was similar to Selek but in no way Jim’s Vulcan. This only added to the pressure and motivation to find a solution. It was unsettling for everyone to watch the affects of aging expedited. Jim grew more and more panicked as time passed.
With the help of Chapel, Spock, and about a pint of Chekov’s blood, the Doctor was able to get a serum to reverse the effects made. It was painful, it took double the time to make things right, and the affected needed to get a daily shot. But it was the safest option. Sadly, three colonist and Lt. Galaway died before the antidote could be completed and distributed.
Jim was on Day 4 of his treatment and the pain hadn’t gotten any easier. At his worst, he’d looked close to 110. He looked in his 60’s now. His hair was an even mix of blond and gray, lines were visible on his face and his body had gone soft with time. He vowed never to complain about getting old again as he snuck out of sickbay.
He’d rather suffer in peace.
Once Kirk made it back to his room he stopped and leaned against the wall to catch his breath. He could feel his body begin to loosen and some of the the aging slip away. Little by little the aches and pains were leaving him.
Jim heard footsteps in the corridor and panicked thinking Bones had tracked him down. He dove under his desk knocking half of the stuff sitting on top to the ground. Kirk listened to hear if the footsteps passed.
“Jim?” a voice called above him.
It wasn’t Bones, but Selek. Jim must have accidentally hailed him when he dove under the desk.
“Yeah, I’m here.” But Jim made no move to come out of hiding.
“Why can I not see you? I have been most troubled by our lack of communications. Are you injured?” Selek sounded a little panicked. Kirk realized this was the longest they’d gone without any sort of communication.
“Sort of. I’m getting better now. It looks worse than it is.” Jim tried to sound reassuring.
“And yet I still cannot see you.” The edge in Selek’s voice was still there.
“That’s because I’m hiding from Bones.” Jim’s back and knees were starting to ache from his position. “Also I’m kind of stuck now”
“Why are you hiding from the Doctor?” The Vulcan’s voice was flat.
Jim slowly started to work himself out of the space and braced himself on his desk chair. “I may have snuck out of sickbay early.”
“I demand you show yourself so I can make my own assessment or I will alert the Doctor to your whereabouts.” Selek’s tone left no doubt in Jim’s mind that he would do just that.
“OK” Jim sighed. “But I should warn you. It looks much worse than it really is. You have to try not to freak out. Okay?”
“Show yourself, Jim.” Selek demanded.
Jim slowly peeked up from under the desk. Jim was met with a very startled Selek. The Vulcan was staring at him with his mouth slightly opened.
“Hi.” Jim smiled and waved.
Selek just continued to stare.
“Shit, Selek. Do I really look that bad?” Jim was starting to rethink his sickbay jail break.
“I must apologize, Jim, but I was not prepared for this kind of ailment. You said it has gotten better?” Selek looked visibly shaken.
“Hey” Jim said softly trying to sooth his lover. “It has gotten much better. I should be back to myself in about a week, okay?”
Selek looked away and only gave a nod in reply. Jim had never seen him like this. Angry Vulcan he could handle, but scared upset Vulcan was something new to him.
“How are you doing?” Jim tried to take the topic off of himself.
Selek answered without looking at Jim. “I am adequate. I am pleased to know you are no longer in harm’s way. “
“Yep, It hurts like a bitch but I’ll be back to myself in no time.” Jim tried make his voice bright, but failed.
“I apologize, Jim, but I must take my leave. I have a meeting scheduled. However,” Selek paused and his voice softened, “it should concluded in 4.25 hours if you are available then.”
Jim relaxed slightly. “I’d love to, but Bones has a round of tests scheduled for then. We’ll think of something though, right?”
“Affirmative.”
Once the hail ended Jim felt as though he’d missed something big.
---
“Are you sure there’s no other way, Bones? You have to be sure.” Jim was about to put his career on the line. It needed to be their only option.
“There’s no other way. He’ll die if we don’t do something, Jim.”
The Captain rubbed his face and sighed. “Okay. Thanks Bones. Keep me updated on how he’s doing.”
Jim left sickbay and made his way to the bridge. He steeled himself as the doors opened.
“Sulu, I need you to plot a course to New Vulcan at warp 7.” Jim’s voice left no room for argument.
Sulu began plotting without so much as a backwards glance.
“Uhura, I need to you message Starfleet and let them know we will be late picking up the supplies. “
Her hands began to fly over the controls before he even finished speaking. She knew what was at stake.
“I would like to offer anyone the chance to make their protests known. We are disobeying a direct order to stay on course, and I do not want this to reflect badly on anyone but myself.” Jim looked at each member of his bridge crew as he spoke. “Commander Spock is very sick and his best chance at survival depends on us reaching New Vulcan.”
Sulu cleared his throat and raised his hand.”Permission to speak freely, Captain?”
“Granted.”
“I think I speak for everyone when I say, Fuck them. We’re with you one hundred percent.” Sulu’s words were reflected in the faces of everyone on the bridge.
“Thank you.” Jim’s throat felt tight at the loyalty his crew was showing. He cleared his throat and turned to his Communication Officer. “Lieutenant, I believe you are needed in sickbay. Have Owens replace you.” Uhura left with a quiet thank you and a kiss on Jim’s cheek.
Once everything was in order and they were speeding their way towards New Vulcan, Jim gave Sulu the con and made his way to his room. Regardless of the outcome, Jim knew he’d done the right thing. He couldn’t sit ideally by and watch one of his best friends die. Turns out deaging a Vulcan took twice as long as it took Jim and the other human crew. It also messed with Spock’s internal clock and knocked him into an early mating cycle. They would have never figured it out if it hadn’t been for Selek who knew right away what was wrong with Spock.
While a mating cycle may have seemed like an easy fix given that he was in a relationship with Uhura, it was much more complex than that. They needed to be bonded before Spock could gain any kind of relief. They needed a trained Vulcan healer to do the bonding and the closest one was on New Vulcan. Until then Spock was getting sicker and more disoriented as his body looked for release.
Jim turned his thoughts to Selek, who had grown more distant since he’d seen Jim as his maybe 60 year old self. Jim wasn’t sure what to do. He felt as if he was losing the best thing in his life with no idea as to why. Sure they still hailed one another almost daily but it was forced and stilted. At least once they got to the colony he’d be able to face whatever it was head-on. Until then, Kirk had a job to do.
---
They arrived at the colony with little fanfare. Selek had made it quite clear that Spock’s condition was one his people handled discreetly. So only Jim, Uhura, and Dr. McCoy new of the exact cause of Spock’s illness. When they landed Uhura beamed down early to prepare for what needed to happen in for the bonding. Spock and Jim were beamed down about a half an hour after Uhura.
Jim steadied Spock as they made their way to the ceremony chambers. Uhura was there waiting in traditional Vulcan robes. T’Pol was there to oversee and it was all over before Jim could understand what was going on. What he did comprehend was when Spock practically attacked Uhura, not caring that others were in the room.
Jim was so focused on getting Spock where he needed to be and then getting out so Spock could do what he needed to do (Uhura), Jim didn’t notice Selek’s presence until he’d left the ceremony room. Jim realized Selek wasn’t following the others in attendance, and it seemed as if he was waiting for Jim.
“Hey.” Jim was unsure of what he’d get in reply.
“Hello, Jim,“ Selek offered in return.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Jim tried but his joke fell flat.
Selek merely gave a nod in return. Jim had to laugh at himself. He could face down Klingons and battle angry natives but was failing at simply talking to his boyfriend. He decided to take a risk.
“I missed you, Selek. A lot actually.” He said quietly, eyes cast to the ground. “It’s selfish but I was glad to bring Spock here so I could see you.”
“Jim, I missed you as well and had the same self serving sentiments towards Spock’s condition.”
Jim looked up to meet Selek’s eyes and knew he was telling the truth. In seconds Jim was wrapping his arms around Selek and burying his face in the Vulcan;s neck.
“I was so nervous though. You’ve been acting so distant since Hydra IV and I felt as if I’d lost you. I was terrified to come here and find out it was true.”
Selek pulled out of the embrace and placed a gentle, chaste, human kiss on Jim’s lips; much like the one Jim had given him at the end of their first date.
“I am much too self serving to ever end our relationship. You would have to be the one to end things. However, I do owe you an explanation for my behavior.”
Jim wanted to say Selek didn’t need to but Jim needed to know what had been going on.
“Why don’t you take me to a place where we can really talk about it. Just us?”
“Agreed”
---
Selek’s house was not how Jim had imagined it. They’d decided it was the best place and Jim wanted to focus without having to worry about anything else. Now he was standing in a house that could be on any other planet. It gave Jim a bit of sadness at the thought. He’d always heard of the greatness in Vulcan architecture. Now they were coping with cookie cutter houses.
The structure was small and modest. There was a living room that was more like a study; it was lined with books and there was a modest desk in the corner. It was covered in paper and pads.
Selek was in the kitchen making tea and Jim moved to sit at the table. He wasn’t sure where Selek would be more comfortable and made a guess. Once they were quietly sipping their tea, Selek began to talk.
“Your guess about the origins of my odd behavior are correct. I was indeed affected by such rapid ageing on your body.” He paused as if remembering something very painful. “In my reality, I had a human mate. Humans age much faster than Vulcans. I knew this before entering the relationship but was not fully prepared for it when the time came.”
Jim was not one to be jealous over the past, but he did ache for the Vulcan’s loss. He was able to fill in the rest in his mind.
“Seeing me aged brought back those memories.”
“Vividly.” Selek looked troubled.
“Hey.“ Jim said softly. “it’s okay. You’re allowed to get spooked. I sure as hell was.”
“It is more complex than that, Jim.” Selek looked down. “I had not thought of you as your counterpart from my reality since 3.5 standard weeks into our correspondence.” Selek paused and continued to look down. “Seeing you aged reminded me of what I have lost and what I could lose again.”
Jim sat motionless for a moment as he processed what he’d just heard.
“You were with the other me?”
Selek didn’t look up. “Correct”
“For how lon-” Jim’s com unit beeped, cutting him off. “Shit. I have to take this.” As much as he wanted, no needed to talk with Selek, Jim was still a Starship Captain with responsibilities he could not ignore.
“Indeed”
“Just give me a second. We’re not done here,” Jim said in his Captain's voice then left the room without an answer. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
“Kirk here.”
“Captain,” Sulu answered. “You’re needed back on the ship ASAP. Command’s sent word and they are pissed about the detour.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Understood.”
Jim braced himself on the sink. He had no idea what to do or to believe. Jim had completely forgotten about the fallout of changing course once he’d seen Selek. Jim knew he needed to get back and deal with the mess. That still left Jim’s relationship with Selek to deal with. He hadn’t prepared for this. Jim had thought maybe Selek had some sort of younger man kind of thing, but not this. It was one thing to have exes. Who didn’t? It was another thing to have a former partner be you from another reality. Right now, Jim felt like a replacement. He had so many questions and Jim wasn’t really sure if he wanted to know the answers. He needed them though. Jim had never felt like he was filling in the place for someone else, but then again he hadn’t been looking.
Jim took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He steeled himself for what was to come.
He strode out of the bathroom, walking to the table where Selek seemed to have not moved at all.
“Did you only start this thing with us to replace what you had in your reality?”
Selek looked up. “I do not understand. “
“Bullshit!” Jim tired not to yell.”I don’t have time to split words. You know what I fucking mean.”
Selek’s features grew hard. “Are you inquiring if I am solely engaged in this association due to my previous romantic attachment to your counterpart?”
Jim gave a short nod in reply.
“Then the answer to your question is no, I did not.”
Jim didn’t find any comfort in the Vulcan’s words. “Fine. I have to go find out if I’m keeping my ship. Once I’m done with that I’ll have to think long and hard about whether I believe you or not.”
“Jim?” Selek looked shaken.
“Look, my whole life I’ve lived in the shadow of others. Now, I find I may be living in a shadow of what I should be with you.” Jim didn’t look at Selek as he spoke.
“Jim, that is not-” Selek tried.
“I need time, Selek.” Jim said softly.
Selek looked down at his drink. “Very well, Jim”
“I have to go. I’ll be in touch.” Jim was out the door, leaving a stricken Selek in his wake. Jim didn’t bother to close the front door behind him.
Selek slowly made his way to the door and closed it.
“Good bye, Jim.”
---
If getting your ass handed to you was an Olympic sport, Jim would be champion. Admiral Komack wasn’t pissed that Jim had ignored his orders to stay on course and not go to New Vulcan. No, he was pissed Jim made him look bad. Komack railed on him for not explaining the severity of Spock’s condition. (Which Jim, Dr. McCoy and Dr. M’Benga, who was stationed on New Vulcan, had all individually conveyed to the Admiral.) Somehow “He’s going to die if he doesn’t get treatment on New Vulcan” wasn’t clear enough.
Had Komack known, of course he would have granted the Enterprise permission to divert their course. Jim was ninety percent sure Sarek had pulled his weight as the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth to put a squash to any reprimands Jim would have faced as a result of saving his son.
Jim now sat alone in his room with orders to return to their original mission. Spock and Uhura would remain on New Vulcan while the Enterprise was gone to allow their bond to stabilize with the help of healers. Jim would pick them up once the mission was complete. Jim hailed Spock with the news.
“Captain, the bond is stable enough that Uhura and I could join you to avoid anymore scheduling delays.”
“‘Stable enough’ does not mean stable, Spock.” Jim looked concerned. “If you’re going to do something, do it right. We’ll be back in two weeks, which according to M’Benga, is just the right amount of time for the bond to settle.Call it an unofficial honeymoon of sorts.”
Spock looked like he was about to say something when Uhura popped her head on screen.
“Thank you, Jim! I’ll explain it to him!” Her smile was bright and disgustingly happy.
“You’re welcome. Enjoy yourselves, okay?”
“We will!” Uhura ended the call with a blushing and confused looking Spock in the background.
But the truth was, Jim needed the extra time to figure out what the hell he was going to do with Selek. Sure, Jim could do it all over hails and messages but if it was going to end, Jim wanted one last chance to hold Selek and say goodbye. They hadn’t talked since the day at Selek’s house. Jim felt empty and cold. He didn’t like it but Jim still felt so lost.
He needed a drink and Jim knew right where to find it.
---
“So let me get this straight,” Dr. McCoy poured him another glass of brandy as he spoke. “He was with the other you in wherever the hell he came from?”
“Yep.” Jim downed the glass in one go. He was seated comfortably in one of the doctor’s office chairs.
“So you’re saying that green-blooded bastard knew exactly how to play you?”
Jim only shrugged in reply. He honestly didn’t know.
“Let me guess.” Bones leaned back in his seat and took a large drink. “He played hard to get, sending you mixed signals that always left you guessing. You never knew exactly where you stood or if you were the only one. If he got clingy fast you would have bolted, Jim.” He finished smugly.
Jim just stared blankly at his friend who had summed up every single relationship he’d had in the academy. Carol, Gary, Areel, Finny, and Gaila. Every relationship.
Save this one.
“No. He didn’t do that. Not at all.” Jim conceded. It still didn’t make him feel better.
McCoy waved his hand dismissively. “Just because he doesn’t know your type doesn’t mean he didn’t play you. Didn’t he know exactly what to order you on your first date?”
Again, the statement didn’t sit well with Jim. “No, that’s not true. He asked the hotel concierge for that.”
“You sure about that?” The look on Bones’ face made it clear he didn’t believe it.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Jim was starting to get irritated.
His friend still looked doubtful. “How?”
“Because I fucking talked to her, okay? She asked me what I thought! Is that good enough for you or do you think Selek paid her to pretend to work at the hotel?” Jim had to stop himself before he said anymore.
“Fine. Bad example.” McCoy offered. “But that doesn’t mean he didn’t do it.” He paused for a second. “Uh.. I’m not sure how to.. um.. say this, but are you sure he wasn’t using you for sex?”
Jim was out of his seat in a minute. His face was twisted in rage. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave or punch his friend in the face.
“Hold on there!” McCoy yelled. “I don’t like talking about this, but you have to be honest with yourself. When you were together did he seem like he was there with you? And before you punch me in the face, remember I’ve gone through this kind of thing.”
Jim knew the doctor was right. McCoy’s ex-wife had been unfaithful the last year of their marriage.
“Shit, Bones, I’m sorry.” Kirk took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “ The thing is, If he hadn’t told me, I would have never known. He didn’t treat me like a replacement. Hell, half the time he seemed just as awkward with dating as I did. It didn’t feel like it was faked or insincere. All the things you brought up just made me want to punch you in the face. Not him.”
“The truth can be a hard thing.”
“Yeah, but that’s just it. The truth is I can’t find one instance to justify my anger, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. The doubt is still there. I can handle previous relationships with other people, because they weren’t me. Only, turns out they were. I know it sounds stupid but I thought this was something that was just mine.”
McCoy nodded his head in understanding. “Have you talked to him about it?”
“Kind of?”
“Define ‘kind of’.” McCoy’s faced darkened.
“I asked him before I left if I was a replacement. He said no. We really didn’t have time to talk about anything else. I had to get back here and have my ass handed to me.”
“Well how about this; did you think of Spock as Selek when you saw him aged?”
Jim flinched. “Fuck, no. Don’t get me wrong, they did look similar, but it wasn’t the same. By a long shot.
“Well that’s something.” Bones offered. “Maybe it’s the same for Selek.”
Jim just shrugged in reply.
Bones leaned forward in his chair and Jim followed suit. “The thing is Jim, it comes down to a few simple questions. Do you believe him and is it something you’re willing to take a risk on?” Jim made to answer but McCoy held up his hand. “I’m not the one you need to answer to, Jim. Judging by your reaction to Spock aged and me bad mouthing Selek, I think you have a good idea of your answer.”
Neither of them talked much after that. As Jim walked back to his room he thought over his friend's words. Deep down he knew the choice was made. It didn’t make it any easier or provide comfort.
He just hoped he was right.
---
They reached New Vulcan with little trouble. The Enterprise was to remain in orbit for only one standard day to get a list of what supplies they needed for the colony and to double check the bond between Spock and Uhura was stable.
That didn’t leave much time for Jim to sort out his love life.
The crew wanted to throw the newlyweds a reception, and while it wasn’t strictly regulation, it did work in Jim’s favor. He sent out invites to everyone planetside that he could think of a fews days before they were set to arrive and asked them to spread the word to anyone Jim may have missed. He requested confirmation of attendance if possible to allow for planning but Jim really only wanted to use it to see if a certain Vulcan would be coming.
He received answers from all but the aforementioned Vulcan.
On the day of arrival Jim still hadn’t heard anything and he hated it. Taking a chance, Jim sent the first message since he’d seen his lover.
To: Ambassador Selek of New Vulcan
From: Captain James T. Kirk, USS Enterprise
I miss you.
Jim
Feeling less brave as soon as he sent the message, Jim fled to the rec room. He greeted the couple with big smiles and hugs, much to Spock’s horror. Jim laughed at the Vulcan’s discomfort. “Relax, Spock. It’s just what humans do when they're happy for their friends.”
“Indeed.” Spock’s face showed he was not amused.
Uhura just smiled and shook her head at the pair.
“Now, Spock, don’t growl at me or anything, but I’m going to hug your wife.”
“If you must.” While Spock’s face was blank, Kirk knew better.
“Come ‘ere” Jim opened his arms and Uhura stepped in.
“Thank you. For everything.” She hugged him tightly.
“Don’t mention it.” Jim kissed the top of her head and let go. “Alright, now get to your party.” Jim waved at them. Uhura smiled and shook her head while Spock looked puzzled at Jim’s actions.
Jim scanned the room quickly to see if there was anyone he needed to make small talk with before he fled to his room. There wasn’t so he made his way to the exit. He was almost there when something caught his eye. Selek was sitting in a seat that was empty a moment ago. Jim stopped walking and stared. Selek seemed to be transfixed by the drink in his hand. Jim squared his shoulders and made his way over.
“What are you having?”
Selek slowly looked up to meet Jim’s eyes. “I find that I cannot remember my choice of beverage. My mind was preoccupied with other matters.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Now that Selek was in front of Jim, he wasn’t sure where to start. A familiar melody floated in the background and gave Jim and idea. “So I was thinking, how would you fancy a dance with me?” Jim hoped his meaning wasn’t lost on Selek.
Selek’s face grew serious. “I would desire nothing more than to dance with you, Jim. Only you.”
That was the answer Jim needed.
For now at least.
Jim held out his hand to Selek, who took it at once. They joined the other couples on the floor holding one another close, and moved to the music. Jim knew they had so much left to say before things were truly solved.
But for now they would dance.
Epilogue