Before the Sun Breaks Another Day -- Chapter Eleven
Title: Before the Sun Breaks Another Day
Authors: accordingtomel & adelagia
Summary: Three months after her disappearance, Morgana returns to Camelot with a hidden agenda, but she's not the only one keeping secrets, and a series of unintended revelations forces her, Merlin and Arthur on an intertwined journey of revenge, redemption and love.
Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, Leon/Morgana (elements of Uther/Morgana, Arthur/Gwen)
Rating: PG-13 (eventual NC-17)
Spoilers/Warnings: Everything up to and including 2x13
Word Count: 7,200
Disclaimer: Not ours. No money is being made. Please don't sue.
Authors' Note: Thanks so very much once again to ravenflight21 for the beta/Brit-pick.
Previous Chapters: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The door shut behind Morgana with a resounding thud, its finality ringing throughout the room. Merlin stared at the spot on the floor where Morgana had been, as though he somehow might be able to change what had just transpired between them through sheer will alone. Merlin knew with the utmost confidence that she was not all bad, not truly evil. It was clear -- in the fear for Arthur's safety, how she treated Gwen and the other servants with kindness and respect, in the way she'd spared Merlin's life even when she would've been justified in taking it -- that there was still goodness and love and compassion dwelling within her heart. But Morgana was angry and hurt, maybe even confused; she was reacting with fear instead of with logic and purpose. It was with this knowledge that Merlin felt hopeful that maybe there was still a way to stop her, to help prevent the downfall that was imminent if she continued down this self-destructive path.
Still, even believing that there was hope didn't change the fact that in her current state, there was no doubt that she would make good on her threat to bring Merlin down if he so much as tried to involve Arthur in any way. And down he would fall, regardless of how Arthur received the information, because Uther would never permit a servant the chance to defend himself against claims made by the king's ward. Which meant that for now, until he could figure out a way to fix the situation, Merlin had no choice but to do exactly as Morgana told him. This wouldn't be the first time Merlin lied to him -- it had become a necessity over the years in order to keep Arthur safe -- but something had been changing between them lately, and to continue to lie to Arthur in light of his recent bout of concern for Merlin's well-being felt particularly deceptive, and he didn't like it one whit.
"What are you doing here?" a voice suddenly asked from the doorway, and Merlin nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise. He'd been so lost in his own thoughts he hadn't even heard the door open again. Thankfully Morgana hadn't returned for a second round, though he couldn't in good conscience claim that he was overly thrilled with the prospect of dealing with Arthur at the moment either.
Swallowing the sudden rush of anxiety that rose in his chest, Merlin turned to watch as Arthur made his way into the room, throwing a light, and hopefully convincing, smile in his direction. "Isn't that obvious?"
As Arthur's eyes scanned the room purposefully, Merlin amended his original statement. "Actually, on second thoughts, don't answer that. I'm, er, tidying up your room."
A bark of laughter escaped Arthur's lips, a sarcastic half-smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You call this tidy? Perhaps you and I should sit down and have a discussion about what the word 'clean' actually means to you, because I think we have vastly different definitions."
Truthfully, Arthur's chambers had seen better days, and in fact, Merlin had probably messed things up more than organised them since Morgana's departure, her threats ringing in his ears with every task he attempted to do. Still, the state of Arthur's room wasn't actually all that bad, when put into perspective. Sure, there were clothes strewn haphazardly across various pieces of furniture, armour resting in a pile in one corner of the room, and dirty dishes still lying around from the previous night. But it was liveable, and considering the current circumstances, Merlin felt he deserved a bit of slack, even if Arthur was unaware of why that was.
"Your wit never ceases to amuse me, sire," Merlin said, smiling softly, knowing full well that he was being teased. Normally he would've jumped right into the game -- bickering with Arthur was one of his favourite pastimes, after all -- but right now he couldn't seem to bring himself to engage with Arthur. Not when he knew that no matter where this conversation began, it would still lead to lies and deceit in the end, because there were no other options.
Instead, he turned his back on Arthur and decided to try to actually get some work done. It was easier than talking, and in fact, preferable at this point. If Arthur didn't talk to him about Morgana and Uther's relationship, then Merlin had no reason to lie straight out. Turning his attention to cleaning, Merlin busied himself gathering and stacking the dishes from the previous night, while Arthur found something that captured his eye on the other side of the room, and he was relieved when silence fell over the room, even if it felt unnatural.
Unfortunately the quiet was short-lived, though in what was increasingly becoming a habit, Arthur was the one who eventually broke it. "Morgana kissed my father," he blurted out, without preamble, throwing Merlin slightly off-guard, because strangely enough, he hadn't seen that coming.
So there it was; another piece of the puzzle falling into Merlin's lap, even if several of the pieces were still missing. It certainly explained some of Morgana's earlier behaviour, yet it still revealed nothing of her end game plan.
Merlin's hands stilled in mid-air and he turned sharply to stare at Arthur. "What did you just say?"
"Morgana. Kissed. My. Father," Arthur repeated slowly.
Merlin blinked. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure, Merlin. She was in his arms, and their lips were touching. I'm not sure how else you interpret something like that." Arthur fell silent then, looking truly haunted for a moment before he visibly shook himself out of it.
Merlin cocked his head to the side, finger reaching up to tap his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Where did this, uh, happen?"
Standing, Arthur rounded the desk and walked over to where Merlin stood, leaning back against the table, a single cup still loosely clasped in his left hand. "The throne room. I went to speak with my father, and Leon was outside. He informed me that Morgana was inside meeting with my father, so naturally, I thought it would be fine to interrupt--" He stopped himself there, waving his hands around, apparently in the hopes that Merlin would just get the gist of what he was saying and not ask for further details.
Merlin opened his mouth, intent on badgering Arthur for even more information, when Morgana's warning came rushing over him like a wave. If he started making a fuss about the situation now, it would be all the more challenging to later convince Arthur that he thought there was no need for concern, and he didn't want to know what would happen if he couldn't sway Arthur's perspective. After a brief pause, he settled on, "Oh."
Arthur gaped openly. "That's all you have to say? 'Oh'? I catch my father and Morgana kissing, and you have nothing better to say than 'oh'?"
One shoulder lifted casually. "What do you want me to say, then?" Merlin asked, carefully masking any uncertainty he felt.
"I don't know! You could wonder what they're up to, demand to know what I intend to do about the situation, show a bit of outrage at the impropriety of the whole thing, ask me how I'm handling it. Something. Other than, you know, the nothing which you've already done. Impressively well, I might add."
They were all reasonable suggestions, and had the situation been even remotely different in any capacity, Merlin probably would've done each of those things, possibly all at the same time. But as it was, he knew things that Arthur didn't -- and specifically, at this very moment, things that he couldn't -- and it would be more than just his own life on the line if Merlin wasn't able to divert his attention away from this whole situation with Morgana and Uther. So with great reluctance and a heavy heart, Merlin willed himself to get through the conversation. It was all for Arthur, always for him, and as long as he remembered that, Merlin would be all right. Or so the little voice at the back of his mind tried to tell him.
"Did you talk to your father about what you saw?"
"Yes."
"And what did he tell you?" Merlin pressed, instinctively stepping closer to Arthur, supportive.
Folding his arms stubbornly, Arthur scrunched up his nose, and in spite of the situation, Merlin had to bite back a smile. Arthur could be highly endearing when he was pouting. "He said that there was nothing going on between them, and reminded me of the immense amount of stress that Morgana has been under as of late--" stress which Merlin suspected was a gross exaggeration of reality, if not a total fabrication altogether "--and said that she was just confused and in need of comforting. He assured me that he would be speaking with her soon, and that nothing had changed, so it would be best for everyone involved if we simply forgot about the whole situation. But I just don't know how I can do that."
It seemed as though Uther had started the process of convincing Arthur there was nothing to be concerned about. Now Merlin had been granted the unfortunate task of finishing the job.
"Look, Arthur, I can appreciate how this might be very upsetting, but you said it yourself -- your father assured you there was nothing going on between him and Morgana. I'm sure it was as innocent as he claims." Merlin swallowed the guilt, forcing himself to meet Arthur's gaze. If he was going to do this, then he was going to do it well, much as that idea still pained him.
"It didn't look innocent," Arthur said, voice sounding far younger and more naïve than Merlin had heard in quite a while, and it pricked all the more at Merlin's conscience, to be lying to him now about this. Arthur picked absently at a few stray fibres unravelling at the end of his tunic, clearly distracted.
"I didn't see what happened, but I mean, Uther and Morgana? Together romantically? It's a completely preposterous idea. He views her as a daughter, and she sees him as a father figure. Do you really think that there's something else going on there?" Never mind that there very well might have been, though the argument, in theory, should have been a sound one. If Merlin were waging money, he would bet that Morgana was working to somehow try and elicit less than platonic feelings from Uther, though to meet what ends, Merlin could only hope to guess at this point.
Several beats passed in heavy silence, and he could practically see the wheels turning in Arthur's head, as he sorted through what he knew with what was logical and what Merlin was positing as an alternative suggestion.
"I suppose you may have a valid point, reluctant as I am to admit it," Arthur said at length, holding his chin thoughtfully.
Merlin forced a smile. "Of course I do."
And then the conversation promptly died, which Merlin could only assume signified his success, at least for now.
With that out of the way, Merlin desired nothing more than to just put some distance between himself and Arthur, if for no other reason than to avoid the guilt he felt when facing him, though he also hoped to find Gaius in order to begin sorting out their next move. Just as he was about to leave, Merlin felt a hand curl around his shoulder, turning him back to face Arthur.
"Are you all right?" Arthur asked, so filled with genuine concern that it took Merlin completely aback.
Without thinking, Merlin found himself leaning into Arthur's touch, almost instinctively, but he merely shook his head. "Why would you ask me that?" he wondered, perplexed.
"I don't know. You just seem-- distracted," Arthur said with a shrug, fingers digging ever so slightly into Merlin's shoulder blades. He stared at Merlin with purpose, as though trying to peer into his soul in order to rummage around, and it was nothing if not unnerving. Merlin held his breath -- though what he hoped to accomplish with that move he had no idea -- and willed his mind to remain blank. He was rubbish at this in the best of circumstances, never mind when it was practically being forced upon him.
"I'm fine," Merlin lied, pulling his lips into some semblance of a smile. "But thanks for your concern. It's probably from all the excitement around here these days. Hard to get anything done."
For a moment it appeared as though Arthur might not accept his words at face value. But then he nodded once and released Merlin's shoulder. "All right, good. That's good."
Pushing down the guilt, Merlin smiled and excused himself, barely able to keep from running the minute he set foot outside Arthur's door. He needed to speak to Gaius immediately.
Morgana had barely managed to take more than a dozen steps away from Arthur's chambers when she was met with the sight of Leon, striding down the corridor in her direction. It was inevitable that she should see him again, and yet there'd been a part of her that was hoping for some more time to figure out what to say to him. He was certainly not entitled to any sort of explanation for her behaviour, nor was she particularly keen on the idea of detailing the stages in her plan to bring about the downfall of a king he still loyally served. All the same, the guilt of what she'd done, coupled with the fact that Leon had borne witness to her actions, filled her with the burgeoning desire to offer him some sort of explanation, if not to avoid the accusation and condemnation in his eyes, then to ease the turmoil in her own mind.
The decision had clearly been removed from her grasp, however, and she swallowed down whatever traitorous thoughts may have clung to her mind, forcing a smile, even as the insincerity gnawed at her gut.
"Leon--" Every instinct screamed at her to add 'I'm sorry', but she pointedly ignored it. It wasn't right that things had to be this way, and she was once again reminded of her hatred of the cultural norms that restricted their behaviour. "I was speaking with Arthur in his chambers. I didn't mean to run off without informing you of where I was headed."
Keeping her chin held high, Morgana met his gaze, afraid of what she would find in his expression, but knowing that avoiding his eyes would confirm her guilt outright. She'd been expecting confusion or anger, possibly even disgust -- and maybe a tiny part of her hoped that he might even be jealous -- but what she hadn't anticipated was the blank look in his eyes, revealing nothing of what he was thinking or feeling. He merely inclined his head, face a mask, waiting deferentially for her to keep walking down the corridor. It was so unlike his usual openness, especially as they'd grown to know one another over the last few weeks, that it felt like a slap in the face. In a strange sort of way, she almost wished that he would reveal whatever he was feeling, because she could handle anger or annoyance, even betrayal. But not knowing how he felt meant that there was also no way of even responding to him, of working to set things right again, if that were even possible.
Then again, what did she expect, exactly? He wasn't in a position to demand answers or explanations. He was a knight, and her personal guard, assigned to protect her from an invisible threat during waking hours, nothing more. And though he was of noble blood, she was still the king's ward and therefore of significantly higher social standing. He did not have the luxury of questioning her motives, insisting that she clarify her actions or reassure him of their standing. Leon was an honourable man to the core; any feelings he may have had about the situation would be irrelevant in his mind, and he would continue to follow the knight's code to the letter, because that was just who he was. For all that she admired these qualities about him, in this one instance she wished he was prone to the occasional bout of impulsiveness. Morgana would never hold it against him, should he decide to bring up what'd happened between Uther and her, welcomed the thought in fact, but it was nothing more than a fruitless dream.
"That's quite all right. I'm just relieved I found you." He gestured for her to head down the hall behind him, ducking his head in reverence. "After you."
To the casual observer, his behaviour was the same as always, but Morgana knew better. Feeling truly powerless, she resigned herself to the fact that any conversation they could ever have -- if that were even possible -- certainly would be best served in private, and not in the middle of one of the busiest corridors in the castle. Nodding in Leon's direction, she moved past him carefully, silence chasing them down the corridor like a predator as they walked.
This had been the plan all along, hatched and nurtured over all those months with Morgause and her companions, deep within their forest fortress. She'd prepared, steeling her nerves and hardening her resolve each and every day that passed; she'd been ready to take this on and emerge victorious. That guilt should obtain such a stronghold over her emotions now -- first with Arthur and then with Leon -- was unwelcome, yet strangely not entirely shocking either. She needed to focus, to keep her gaze firmly fixed on the prize. The reality was that there was no way to take down Uther without hurting a few people along the way; she'd just never imagined that Leon might be one of them, or more importantly, that she would care.
By the time they reached her chambers, Morgana was still no closer to sorting through what she hoped to say to Leon. Even if she were to try to apologise, Morgana knew she couldn't very well announce, 'I'm sorry for what you witnessed. I don't actually love Uther, I'm just trying to seduce him so I can become Queen and free the people of Camelot from his tyranny. But maybe once he's dead, there will be an opportunity for us.' It was foolish to think that there was anything that even could be said.
Leon took his post outside her door, silent still, and even though there was no reason for her to remain standing in the corridor, Morgana felt herself hesitate anyway.
"Thank you for all your dedication." It was an incredibly inane thing to say, that much was clear, but Morgana couldn't stand by and leave things the way they were. She wracked her brain for an excuse to invite him into her chambers, but she could think of nothing that wouldn't come across as being highly inappropriate, and the last thing Morgana desired to do was drag Leon's good name down into the mud alongside her own, when all was said and done.
"There's no need to thank me. I--" Leon paused, features softening for just a moment, and Morgana felt hope rise in her chest. But then, just as quickly as it had arrived, he seemed to change his mind, closing off to her once more. "I'm just doing my job."
And that was that, hard as it was to swallow.
"I think I'm going to retire for the night," she announced, without purpose, save for attempting to elicit even the smallest flicker of the warmth and compassion that had once danced behind his eyes when they interacted.
"Good night, my lady," he said, gracing her with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. It pained her that things had changed so quickly, that the easy friendship which had formed between them was now nothing more than a faded memory.
One hand reached out to grasp the door handle, but before she pushed it open, Morgana turned back to Leon one last time. "Look, Leon, I just--" How could she word this, so that she wasn't lying to him? "I know it may be difficult to understand, but I've been-- I've been under a great deal of stress lately. I just wanted you to know, and I-- I appreciate everything you've done for me. It will not soon be forgotten." It wasn't enough, never would be, but if her words made even the slightest bit of difference in his eyes, it would be worth it.
"Gaius, we've got big problems. Well, I suppose more specifically, I've got big problems, and maybe even more specifically, Uther is the one who should be worried, but he obviously doesn't know that, and I need your help to figure out what to do, because I'm having a hard time figuring out what the right decision is here."
Merlin barrelled into the workshop, breathless, the words pouring out of his mouth before he even had the time to ensure Gaius was alone. Or there at all, for that matter.
Thankfully the physician was there, mixing up some sort of foul-smelling concoction, and he glanced up with equal parts concern and irritation upon hearing Merlin's outburst. "Close the door before you start yelling things like that, for heaven's sake, Merlin," he scolded, placing the vials safely back on the table before gesturing for Merlin to join him. "I swear, sometimes I wonder if you have a death wish, or you really are just that mentally deficient."
A sheepish smile crept on to Merlin's face, and he ducked his head contritely. It seemed that no matter how many times Gaius warned him, he was still as impetuous as when he'd first arrived in Camelot. Thus far he'd been lucky, but it hadn't been without cost to his friends, on more than one occasion, and he resolved to at least try to work on the skill of looking before he leapt in the future, even if it went against his nature. But right now, he had far more serious matters to attend to.
"You're right, Gaius, I'm sorry. It's just that something really terrible is about to happen and I have no idea how to stop it," Merlin said. He glanced down at the bench, considered sitting, but quickly tossed the thought aside, too full of restless energy to do anything besides pace back and forth across the room.
"Merlin, I can see that you're upset about something, but you need to slow down and start at the beginning if you want my help."
The beginning? Where was that, even? It felt like Merlin's world had been upended several times in such a short period of time, and only when he stopped to consider that it'd been less than a day since he'd last talked to Gaius did it occur to Merlin just how much had actually happened over the past twenty-four hours. Taking a deep, calming breath, Merlin scrubbed a hand down his face before he attempted to explain the entire situation to Gaius.
"Morgana kissed Uther and I think she might be planning to kill him or at least get him off the throne somehow, and I had to lie to Arthur and convince him to back off and leave Morgana alone, even though it killed me to do it, because she threatened to reveal my magic to Arthur if I didn't help her, despite the fact that I tried to tell her that this wasn't the way to change things--"
"Merlin!" Gaius interrupted sharply, raising a hand to halt his speech, eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly agape. "Stop, stop. Are you telling me that Morgana knows about your magic?"
He nodded, gaze fixing on a spot across the room. It was easier than meeting Gaius' eyes when he explained how this happened. "Yes. I was, uh, using it to put away some of those texts we were looking through, because I was tired and they were really heavy." Merlin could feel the disapproving look Gaius was giving him, but he steadfastly ignored it. "I thought I heard the door open, but I kind of assumed it was you so I didn't think too much of it. She walked in and saw me as I was floating the books back to their spot on the shelf."
It almost came as a surprise when he felt the smack of Gaius' hand to the back of his head. "You absolute fool. Of all the idiotic, useless, negligent things you could've done. Merlin, what if a guard or, even worse, the king had walked in and seen you instead? You're lucky to still be alive." Despite the anger he heard in his mentor's voice, Merlin could also hear the fear and worry seeping through Gaius' words.
"I know, Gaius, I know. I'm sorry. It was completely reckless of me, and I promise that I'll be more responsible in the future, but it's too late to do anything about it now. She already knows."
Gaius looked like he wanted to continue scolding Merlin, but in the end, his curiosity seemed to win out. "And what happened when Morgana caught you?"
"She was really angry, but can you blame her? I thought she was going to kill me at one point, but she obviously didn't. Maybe I should have told her all those months ago that I was magic too. Perhaps I could've prevented all of this from happening." Merlin continued to pace the length of the room, slowly, his mind buried deep in thoughts of regret and self-doubt.
"Merlin, you said yourself that what's done is done, so there's no point in dragging yourself down with guilt of what you should or shouldn't have told Morgana. But you said that she's up to something and it involves Uther? What are you talking about?" Gaius asked, eyes tracking Merlin's movements. One hand rested on the tabletop, as if supporting his weight.
"I don't know exactly what she has planned, but I suspect it has something to do with knocking Uther out of power. She kissed him today, and Arthur said that Gwen's been concerned about her behaviour around Uther for the past couple of weeks," Merlin explained, gesticulating as he spoke. "Then she all but told me that she has some plan to make things better in Camelot and that if I didn't want to end up on the chopping block for any number of reasons, I needed to convince Arthur that there was nothing to worry about, which implies that clearly there is cause for concern."
"Morgana kissed Uther? You saw this with your own eyes?"
Funny how Gaius only seemed capable of picking up on one detail at a time, though perhaps it helped maintain the much-needed focus that Merlin seemed incapable of holding at present. "No, but Arthur did, and believe me, he was not impressed. But Morgana basically confirmed it herself, without actually saying the words."
"And what did you tell Arthur?" Gaius pressed.
Merlin threw his hands up in the air, stopping mid-step and turning to glance at Gaius. "That he had nothing to worry about. That Morgana had been through some traumatic experiences and surely the idea of a romance with his father was preposterous. I hated lying to him, though. And the worst part is that I think he might have taken my words to heart. It figures that of all the times for Arthur to finally start listening to me, it would be now."
Gaius tapped his chin thoughtfully, eyebrows furrowed, and it was plain to see that he was clearly disturbed by this turn of events. "Do you have any other evidence that Morgana is out to harm Uther?"
He wasn't serious, was he? Merlin tried to keep the sarcastic tone out of his voice as he spoke, but it was a little challenging. "Um, other than the fact that she's clearly trying to seduce Uther, and she told me as much, I'm going to say that no, I have nothing else. But I'd say that qualifies as enough evidence, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, I suppose you're right." Gaius nodded and indicated for Merlin to come and sit at the table. Reluctantly, Merlin stopped his pacing and took a seat across from his friend.
"So what do we do now?"
"I'm afraid there isn't much we can do at this point," Gaius said, frowning. "Unless we have some hard evidence to take to Uther, he would never believe it. He's blinded by his love for and devotion to Morgana. She would have to literally be standing over his chest with a dagger in her hand before he believed she would hurt him, and even then, it's still doubtful."
"Well, that's reassuring," Merlin grumbled to his boots. So much for Gaius having the solution to this problem. Not that he'd really expected it, of course, but this wasn't exactly helpful in his quest to prevent Morgana from making the biggest mistake of her life.
A hand covered his arm, squeezing gently, and Merlin glanced up. "That does not mean that you are completely powerless in all of this, though, Merlin," Gaius said in that knowing tone of voice he sometimes used, as though he had the utmost confidence in his words.
"So what do you suggest I do then?"
"Keep a close eye on Morgana, as well as Uther. It won't be an easy task, but I'm sure that you can recruit some assistance along the way."
Merlin's brows crinkled in confusion. He had absolutely no idea what Gaius was trying to imply. "Assistance? Who am I going to ask to keep an eye on her for me? Leon seems like a decent enough person, but I doubt he would agree to report Morgana's whereabouts to me."
Even the confounded stare he received in return -- one that seemed to suggest that Merlin was truly the daftest person Gaius had ever had the misfortune of knowing -- wasn't enough to enlighten him to the big secret he was apparently missing.
"Gwen, Merlin. Gwen," Gaius said slowly, clearly, insinuating in his tone that Merlin would not be able to follow otherwise, which realistically might not have been that far off the mark. "As Morgana's maidservant, she spends a great deal of time in her lady's company. Plus, as you've already mentioned, it seems that Gwen also has her suspicions. I think it would be wise to track her down and attempt to find out what she knows."
"Right. Gwen. Of course. Yeah, I'll do that," Merlin muttered, trying not to sound as dumb as he felt, though if Gaius' cheeky little smirk was any indication, he wasn't exactly succeeding.
Gaius reached out to pat Merlin on the back, looking at him with a mixture of fondness and concern. "Actually, you don't look so good, my boy. I suggest you get some rest now. You have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow."
Merlin frowned. He felt perfectly fine. Well, mostly fine. He was exhausted, and maybe his throat hurt a little. But that was only because he'd spent most of the day talking and fighting with various people. It was nothing. Gaius was over-reacting, as he often did. "No, I'm all right. It's not that late. I'm sure I could find Gwen now, and besides... I need to check on Arthur. You know how he is -- can't sleep if his room isn't exactly the right temperature, and his bed hasn't been warmed beforehand with stones, and so on and so forth," he said, waving one hand about theatrically. Arthur actually wasn't quite as picky as Merlin was making him out to be -- usually -- but he couldn't allow himself to sleep when there were still so many things to do this evening. Protecting the Pendragons from the constant onslaught of dangerous threat was a full time job.
"Merlin, I really don't think that's wise--" Gaius started, but Merlin was already out the door.
Morgana stood alone in her room, cold, silently fingering the crack she'd put in the wall all those years ago when she'd first arrived in Camelot as a girl, when grief and rage and the immutability of her circumstances had felt so overwhelming she could find no other way of dispelling her fears than to inflict destruction on something else. Was she no more mature than that girl now, still bent on spreading her own hurt as far as she could reach?
It hadn't been so long ago that it had all seemed so right, that she had a purpose in coming back to face those who would persecute her for being born with magic. Then, she had been buoyed by Morgause and her like-minded friends, who'd encouraged her on this path, who'd fed her health with the salubrity of the forest and her head with the misdeeds of Uther Pendragon. She'd had no cause then for self-doubt, no thoughts of what it would do to Arthur to take his rightful place, no remembrances of Uther's small kindnesses to a girl to whom he had no real obligation beyond the memory of a dead friend, no inkling of the easy friendship she'd strike up with Leon and just as easily cast away.
There was no use denying the ache in her chest when, after the disaster of her kiss with Uther, Leon had come to regard her with blank eyes, the warmth that had lit his face previously now banked carefully to ash.
Perhaps it was presumptuous of her to think there had been something there to begin with, but whatever it was, she felt its loss keenly now. There was no way he could guess what perfidy she had been planning all along, but even just knowing the depths of his character, the magnanimity that resided in him, borne out by putting aside his anger at his brother's death, made her feel small and base in comparison.
But he didn't have a whole kingdom to think of. He didn't have on his shoulders the souls of sorcerers long gone and the fears of the few left behind.
Morgana closed her eyes, leaning her head against the wall, hoping in vain desperation that the cool stone, in its age and strength, had some wisdom to impart to her. When she eased her eyes open again, the answer stood before her.
"Morgause!" she cried, startled.
A gentle hand rose to cup her cheek, and Morgause's mouth creased worriedly. "Are you unwell?"
"I'm fine," Morgana said, clasping her sister's hand gratefully. She blinked. "How did you get in here?"
Morgause smiled. "I took care of your guard."
Without thinking, Morgana darted a sharp glance towards the door, nearly taking a step towards it, filled with a sudden panic that Morgause had hurt Leon to get past him. It took only a split second for her to realise that it was the night shift and he wouldn't be on duty, but it was enough for Morgause to follow her gaze and latch on to it.
"You haven't got attached, have you?" she asked, a lilt of amusement in her voice that made something hot flare up in Morgana's belly.
"I was only afraid you might draw unnecessary attention to yourself, attacking a guard," Morgana lied.
"Oh," Morgause said dismissively, "don't worry, I've only put him to sleep. He'll wake in the morning with no recollection of having seen me. As you say, I don't want to cause any alarm." She tugged on Morgana's hand. "Come, sit with me and tell me what news you have. I'm sure much progress has been made since we saw each other last?"
Morgana sat obediently. "Well," she hedged, "it's rather a delicate process. And Arthur has been, well, quite opposed to the whole thing."
"Arthur? He's back?" Morgause said, surprised.
"For quite some time." Something tickled the back of her mind, and Morgana's brow furrowed, trying to coax it forward. "He almost didn't make it home, though," she said slowly, the guilt at that still lingering.
"Oh?"
"Something attacked him out there, something not of this world -- a giant serpent with horns, he said. Have you heard of it?"
Morgause idly drew an incomprehensible rune on the table with her fingertip, shaking her head. "I haven't. And how did he escape it?"
"He's a brilliant fighter," she replied, feeling a bit of pride well up inside her. "And, well, I suppose he did have Merlin there with him, too."
"The servant boy who poisoned you? You haven't killed him?"
If only it was as easy as all that. "No, I need him. He and Arthur seem quite attached to each other; I thought I might be able to use him that way, to get Arthur on our side. Merlin is..." She paused, unsure how much she really wanted to say about Merlin. His magic wasn't her secret to tell, but that wasn't what was fuelling her hesitance. And it wasn't that she wanted to protect him either; their friendship had splintered months ago, and she felt no obligations to him. All the same, there was some unvoiced thought urging her to keep quiet about his abilities, at least for now, and she followed the instinct. "He may be just a servant, but he has a lot of emotional influence over Arthur," she said, "and thanks to his attempt to kill me, I have influence over him. I think having Merlin under my thumb will work out in our favour in the long run."
Morgause nodded, her jaw shifting as she digested this information. "He may have his uses yet," she conceded, at length. After another moment of thought, she added, "Still, Arthur is weak. Even upon learning the truth about his mother, he could not bring himself to turn on Uther. I fear his attachment to Merlin, however strong, may not be enough. He is not yet fit to be king, not in the way we need him to be." She frowned. "I wonder if he'll ever be."
Shades of disapproval coloured her words; she was clearly still harbouring bitterness at Arthur, so close to falling completely in her trap, having returned to Camelot knowing the circumstances surrounding his mother's death, and not only had he spared Uther but seemed to have forged a stronger relationship with the king after everything.
Morgana held her tongue at present, just as she had when Morgause first unravelled this scene to her. As much as it appalled her to know how and why Igraine had passed, she was glad that Arthur had, for whatever reason, found the wherewithal to stay his sword; she knew regret would have consumed him in the aftermath, and he'd hate himself for the rest of his life. It was better this way; she'd spare him the trouble, and the hurt, of taking Uther's life, and she wouldn't regret it, not as much.
As if catching on to Morgana's inner thoughts, Morgause went on, easing her mouth into a smile. "But that's why we have you to take the throne. Once you're in place, we can rule Camelot as we wish, and let our people live freely and our magic flourish. You are close?"
It was the question Morgana had been dreading to answer. So much time had gone by and still she had nothing to show for all her efforts; there were days when she felt just a hair's breadth away from accomplishing everything she needed to do, and others, like today, when it seemed like she was no closer to her goal than when she'd first started. She cast a wary glance at Morgause. "I'm afraid," she said, "it hasn't gone as smoothly as I'd initially hoped."
"What do you mean?"
"I've been spending as much time as I can with Uther, and I tried to kiss him, but Arthur walked in on it, and--"
"That's as far as you've got?" Morgause interrupted, not bothering to mask her disappointment. "In all this time?"
"Uther does care for me, I know that for a fact. It's just... Getting him to see me in a different light, as a romantic prospect rather than a daughter, isn't going to happen overnight. Especially not when his son is so --"
Morgause leaned forward with intent, her eyes hard. "If Arthur is a problem, get rid of him."
"I --" Morgana blinked, speechless for a moment. "Arthur's my family; maybe not in blood, but I love him and I won't hurt him."
Morgause smiled suddenly. "Of course not; I wouldn't ask you to," she said soothingly. "I only meant that if he's getting in the way, we should find a means of distracting him. Send him elsewhere. Reports of skirmishes on the borders or attacks on the villages; things like that. With him out of the picture, you'll have an easier time getting to Uther, I'm sure."
Mollified, Morgana returned the smile by a fraction.
"Don't worry. You just carry on here, with Uther, and I'll take care of the rest," Morgause said.
"What are you going to do?"
Morgause laid a soft hand on hers. "Leave Arthur to me. He'll have reason enough to leave Camelot within the week." Before Morgana could question her plans again, she rose from her seat. "Uther will be all yours. I know," she said, her voice shifting just a notch into the beginnings of a warning, "you will not fail me."
"No, of course. I won't." Morgana got to her feet as well, feeling like a child, chastened for something she hadn't yet done.
"Good," said Morgause, her eyes bright with approval. She touched her cheek briefly to Morgana's and squeezed her hand. "You must know how proud I am to call you my sister. To know that you will be the one to make things right in this world."
Morgana only nodded uncertainly, the weight of Morgause's words bearing down on her shoulders.
"I know this hasn't been the easiest road for you," Morgause went on, her voice like a gentle caress, "and I have asked much of you. I don't blame you if you have doubts, but know this, Morgana: you are much stronger than you think, and I have the utmost faith in you to do the right thing, and to end our people's suffering for good."
"What if I can't?" Morgana asked, gripped with apprehension.
Morgause smiled softly. "You will."
Leaving those words to settle over the room, Morgause flashed one last encouraging look at Morgana, and sailed out of the chamber, past the stiffly slumbering profile of the night guard. Morgana watched her disappear down the corridor, and carefully shut and locked her door. She leaned against it heavily, the shackles of expectations a bigger burden than ever.
Continue to Chapter Twelve
Authors: accordingtomel & adelagia
Summary: Three months after her disappearance, Morgana returns to Camelot with a hidden agenda, but she's not the only one keeping secrets, and a series of unintended revelations forces her, Merlin and Arthur on an intertwined journey of revenge, redemption and love.
Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, Leon/Morgana (elements of Uther/Morgana, Arthur/Gwen)
Rating: PG-13 (eventual NC-17)
Spoilers/Warnings: Everything up to and including 2x13
Word Count: 7,200
Disclaimer: Not ours. No money is being made. Please don't sue.
Authors' Note: Thanks so very much once again to ravenflight21 for the beta/Brit-pick.
Previous Chapters: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The door shut behind Morgana with a resounding thud, its finality ringing throughout the room. Merlin stared at the spot on the floor where Morgana had been, as though he somehow might be able to change what had just transpired between them through sheer will alone. Merlin knew with the utmost confidence that she was not all bad, not truly evil. It was clear -- in the fear for Arthur's safety, how she treated Gwen and the other servants with kindness and respect, in the way she'd spared Merlin's life even when she would've been justified in taking it -- that there was still goodness and love and compassion dwelling within her heart. But Morgana was angry and hurt, maybe even confused; she was reacting with fear instead of with logic and purpose. It was with this knowledge that Merlin felt hopeful that maybe there was still a way to stop her, to help prevent the downfall that was imminent if she continued down this self-destructive path.
Still, even believing that there was hope didn't change the fact that in her current state, there was no doubt that she would make good on her threat to bring Merlin down if he so much as tried to involve Arthur in any way. And down he would fall, regardless of how Arthur received the information, because Uther would never permit a servant the chance to defend himself against claims made by the king's ward. Which meant that for now, until he could figure out a way to fix the situation, Merlin had no choice but to do exactly as Morgana told him. This wouldn't be the first time Merlin lied to him -- it had become a necessity over the years in order to keep Arthur safe -- but something had been changing between them lately, and to continue to lie to Arthur in light of his recent bout of concern for Merlin's well-being felt particularly deceptive, and he didn't like it one whit.
"What are you doing here?" a voice suddenly asked from the doorway, and Merlin nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise. He'd been so lost in his own thoughts he hadn't even heard the door open again. Thankfully Morgana hadn't returned for a second round, though he couldn't in good conscience claim that he was overly thrilled with the prospect of dealing with Arthur at the moment either.
Swallowing the sudden rush of anxiety that rose in his chest, Merlin turned to watch as Arthur made his way into the room, throwing a light, and hopefully convincing, smile in his direction. "Isn't that obvious?"
As Arthur's eyes scanned the room purposefully, Merlin amended his original statement. "Actually, on second thoughts, don't answer that. I'm, er, tidying up your room."
A bark of laughter escaped Arthur's lips, a sarcastic half-smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You call this tidy? Perhaps you and I should sit down and have a discussion about what the word 'clean' actually means to you, because I think we have vastly different definitions."
Truthfully, Arthur's chambers had seen better days, and in fact, Merlin had probably messed things up more than organised them since Morgana's departure, her threats ringing in his ears with every task he attempted to do. Still, the state of Arthur's room wasn't actually all that bad, when put into perspective. Sure, there were clothes strewn haphazardly across various pieces of furniture, armour resting in a pile in one corner of the room, and dirty dishes still lying around from the previous night. But it was liveable, and considering the current circumstances, Merlin felt he deserved a bit of slack, even if Arthur was unaware of why that was.
"Your wit never ceases to amuse me, sire," Merlin said, smiling softly, knowing full well that he was being teased. Normally he would've jumped right into the game -- bickering with Arthur was one of his favourite pastimes, after all -- but right now he couldn't seem to bring himself to engage with Arthur. Not when he knew that no matter where this conversation began, it would still lead to lies and deceit in the end, because there were no other options.
Instead, he turned his back on Arthur and decided to try to actually get some work done. It was easier than talking, and in fact, preferable at this point. If Arthur didn't talk to him about Morgana and Uther's relationship, then Merlin had no reason to lie straight out. Turning his attention to cleaning, Merlin busied himself gathering and stacking the dishes from the previous night, while Arthur found something that captured his eye on the other side of the room, and he was relieved when silence fell over the room, even if it felt unnatural.
Unfortunately the quiet was short-lived, though in what was increasingly becoming a habit, Arthur was the one who eventually broke it. "Morgana kissed my father," he blurted out, without preamble, throwing Merlin slightly off-guard, because strangely enough, he hadn't seen that coming.
So there it was; another piece of the puzzle falling into Merlin's lap, even if several of the pieces were still missing. It certainly explained some of Morgana's earlier behaviour, yet it still revealed nothing of her end game plan.
Merlin's hands stilled in mid-air and he turned sharply to stare at Arthur. "What did you just say?"
"Morgana. Kissed. My. Father," Arthur repeated slowly.
Merlin blinked. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure, Merlin. She was in his arms, and their lips were touching. I'm not sure how else you interpret something like that." Arthur fell silent then, looking truly haunted for a moment before he visibly shook himself out of it.
Merlin cocked his head to the side, finger reaching up to tap his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Where did this, uh, happen?"
Standing, Arthur rounded the desk and walked over to where Merlin stood, leaning back against the table, a single cup still loosely clasped in his left hand. "The throne room. I went to speak with my father, and Leon was outside. He informed me that Morgana was inside meeting with my father, so naturally, I thought it would be fine to interrupt--" He stopped himself there, waving his hands around, apparently in the hopes that Merlin would just get the gist of what he was saying and not ask for further details.
Merlin opened his mouth, intent on badgering Arthur for even more information, when Morgana's warning came rushing over him like a wave. If he started making a fuss about the situation now, it would be all the more challenging to later convince Arthur that he thought there was no need for concern, and he didn't want to know what would happen if he couldn't sway Arthur's perspective. After a brief pause, he settled on, "Oh."
Arthur gaped openly. "That's all you have to say? 'Oh'? I catch my father and Morgana kissing, and you have nothing better to say than 'oh'?"
One shoulder lifted casually. "What do you want me to say, then?" Merlin asked, carefully masking any uncertainty he felt.
"I don't know! You could wonder what they're up to, demand to know what I intend to do about the situation, show a bit of outrage at the impropriety of the whole thing, ask me how I'm handling it. Something. Other than, you know, the nothing which you've already done. Impressively well, I might add."
They were all reasonable suggestions, and had the situation been even remotely different in any capacity, Merlin probably would've done each of those things, possibly all at the same time. But as it was, he knew things that Arthur didn't -- and specifically, at this very moment, things that he couldn't -- and it would be more than just his own life on the line if Merlin wasn't able to divert his attention away from this whole situation with Morgana and Uther. So with great reluctance and a heavy heart, Merlin willed himself to get through the conversation. It was all for Arthur, always for him, and as long as he remembered that, Merlin would be all right. Or so the little voice at the back of his mind tried to tell him.
"Did you talk to your father about what you saw?"
"Yes."
"And what did he tell you?" Merlin pressed, instinctively stepping closer to Arthur, supportive.
Folding his arms stubbornly, Arthur scrunched up his nose, and in spite of the situation, Merlin had to bite back a smile. Arthur could be highly endearing when he was pouting. "He said that there was nothing going on between them, and reminded me of the immense amount of stress that Morgana has been under as of late--" stress which Merlin suspected was a gross exaggeration of reality, if not a total fabrication altogether "--and said that she was just confused and in need of comforting. He assured me that he would be speaking with her soon, and that nothing had changed, so it would be best for everyone involved if we simply forgot about the whole situation. But I just don't know how I can do that."
It seemed as though Uther had started the process of convincing Arthur there was nothing to be concerned about. Now Merlin had been granted the unfortunate task of finishing the job.
"Look, Arthur, I can appreciate how this might be very upsetting, but you said it yourself -- your father assured you there was nothing going on between him and Morgana. I'm sure it was as innocent as he claims." Merlin swallowed the guilt, forcing himself to meet Arthur's gaze. If he was going to do this, then he was going to do it well, much as that idea still pained him.
"It didn't look innocent," Arthur said, voice sounding far younger and more naïve than Merlin had heard in quite a while, and it pricked all the more at Merlin's conscience, to be lying to him now about this. Arthur picked absently at a few stray fibres unravelling at the end of his tunic, clearly distracted.
"I didn't see what happened, but I mean, Uther and Morgana? Together romantically? It's a completely preposterous idea. He views her as a daughter, and she sees him as a father figure. Do you really think that there's something else going on there?" Never mind that there very well might have been, though the argument, in theory, should have been a sound one. If Merlin were waging money, he would bet that Morgana was working to somehow try and elicit less than platonic feelings from Uther, though to meet what ends, Merlin could only hope to guess at this point.
Several beats passed in heavy silence, and he could practically see the wheels turning in Arthur's head, as he sorted through what he knew with what was logical and what Merlin was positing as an alternative suggestion.
"I suppose you may have a valid point, reluctant as I am to admit it," Arthur said at length, holding his chin thoughtfully.
Merlin forced a smile. "Of course I do."
And then the conversation promptly died, which Merlin could only assume signified his success, at least for now.
With that out of the way, Merlin desired nothing more than to just put some distance between himself and Arthur, if for no other reason than to avoid the guilt he felt when facing him, though he also hoped to find Gaius in order to begin sorting out their next move. Just as he was about to leave, Merlin felt a hand curl around his shoulder, turning him back to face Arthur.
"Are you all right?" Arthur asked, so filled with genuine concern that it took Merlin completely aback.
Without thinking, Merlin found himself leaning into Arthur's touch, almost instinctively, but he merely shook his head. "Why would you ask me that?" he wondered, perplexed.
"I don't know. You just seem-- distracted," Arthur said with a shrug, fingers digging ever so slightly into Merlin's shoulder blades. He stared at Merlin with purpose, as though trying to peer into his soul in order to rummage around, and it was nothing if not unnerving. Merlin held his breath -- though what he hoped to accomplish with that move he had no idea -- and willed his mind to remain blank. He was rubbish at this in the best of circumstances, never mind when it was practically being forced upon him.
"I'm fine," Merlin lied, pulling his lips into some semblance of a smile. "But thanks for your concern. It's probably from all the excitement around here these days. Hard to get anything done."
For a moment it appeared as though Arthur might not accept his words at face value. But then he nodded once and released Merlin's shoulder. "All right, good. That's good."
Pushing down the guilt, Merlin smiled and excused himself, barely able to keep from running the minute he set foot outside Arthur's door. He needed to speak to Gaius immediately.
Morgana had barely managed to take more than a dozen steps away from Arthur's chambers when she was met with the sight of Leon, striding down the corridor in her direction. It was inevitable that she should see him again, and yet there'd been a part of her that was hoping for some more time to figure out what to say to him. He was certainly not entitled to any sort of explanation for her behaviour, nor was she particularly keen on the idea of detailing the stages in her plan to bring about the downfall of a king he still loyally served. All the same, the guilt of what she'd done, coupled with the fact that Leon had borne witness to her actions, filled her with the burgeoning desire to offer him some sort of explanation, if not to avoid the accusation and condemnation in his eyes, then to ease the turmoil in her own mind.
The decision had clearly been removed from her grasp, however, and she swallowed down whatever traitorous thoughts may have clung to her mind, forcing a smile, even as the insincerity gnawed at her gut.
"Leon--" Every instinct screamed at her to add 'I'm sorry', but she pointedly ignored it. It wasn't right that things had to be this way, and she was once again reminded of her hatred of the cultural norms that restricted their behaviour. "I was speaking with Arthur in his chambers. I didn't mean to run off without informing you of where I was headed."
Keeping her chin held high, Morgana met his gaze, afraid of what she would find in his expression, but knowing that avoiding his eyes would confirm her guilt outright. She'd been expecting confusion or anger, possibly even disgust -- and maybe a tiny part of her hoped that he might even be jealous -- but what she hadn't anticipated was the blank look in his eyes, revealing nothing of what he was thinking or feeling. He merely inclined his head, face a mask, waiting deferentially for her to keep walking down the corridor. It was so unlike his usual openness, especially as they'd grown to know one another over the last few weeks, that it felt like a slap in the face. In a strange sort of way, she almost wished that he would reveal whatever he was feeling, because she could handle anger or annoyance, even betrayal. But not knowing how he felt meant that there was also no way of even responding to him, of working to set things right again, if that were even possible.
Then again, what did she expect, exactly? He wasn't in a position to demand answers or explanations. He was a knight, and her personal guard, assigned to protect her from an invisible threat during waking hours, nothing more. And though he was of noble blood, she was still the king's ward and therefore of significantly higher social standing. He did not have the luxury of questioning her motives, insisting that she clarify her actions or reassure him of their standing. Leon was an honourable man to the core; any feelings he may have had about the situation would be irrelevant in his mind, and he would continue to follow the knight's code to the letter, because that was just who he was. For all that she admired these qualities about him, in this one instance she wished he was prone to the occasional bout of impulsiveness. Morgana would never hold it against him, should he decide to bring up what'd happened between Uther and her, welcomed the thought in fact, but it was nothing more than a fruitless dream.
"That's quite all right. I'm just relieved I found you." He gestured for her to head down the hall behind him, ducking his head in reverence. "After you."
To the casual observer, his behaviour was the same as always, but Morgana knew better. Feeling truly powerless, she resigned herself to the fact that any conversation they could ever have -- if that were even possible -- certainly would be best served in private, and not in the middle of one of the busiest corridors in the castle. Nodding in Leon's direction, she moved past him carefully, silence chasing them down the corridor like a predator as they walked.
This had been the plan all along, hatched and nurtured over all those months with Morgause and her companions, deep within their forest fortress. She'd prepared, steeling her nerves and hardening her resolve each and every day that passed; she'd been ready to take this on and emerge victorious. That guilt should obtain such a stronghold over her emotions now -- first with Arthur and then with Leon -- was unwelcome, yet strangely not entirely shocking either. She needed to focus, to keep her gaze firmly fixed on the prize. The reality was that there was no way to take down Uther without hurting a few people along the way; she'd just never imagined that Leon might be one of them, or more importantly, that she would care.
By the time they reached her chambers, Morgana was still no closer to sorting through what she hoped to say to Leon. Even if she were to try to apologise, Morgana knew she couldn't very well announce, 'I'm sorry for what you witnessed. I don't actually love Uther, I'm just trying to seduce him so I can become Queen and free the people of Camelot from his tyranny. But maybe once he's dead, there will be an opportunity for us.' It was foolish to think that there was anything that even could be said.
Leon took his post outside her door, silent still, and even though there was no reason for her to remain standing in the corridor, Morgana felt herself hesitate anyway.
"Thank you for all your dedication." It was an incredibly inane thing to say, that much was clear, but Morgana couldn't stand by and leave things the way they were. She wracked her brain for an excuse to invite him into her chambers, but she could think of nothing that wouldn't come across as being highly inappropriate, and the last thing Morgana desired to do was drag Leon's good name down into the mud alongside her own, when all was said and done.
"There's no need to thank me. I--" Leon paused, features softening for just a moment, and Morgana felt hope rise in her chest. But then, just as quickly as it had arrived, he seemed to change his mind, closing off to her once more. "I'm just doing my job."
And that was that, hard as it was to swallow.
"I think I'm going to retire for the night," she announced, without purpose, save for attempting to elicit even the smallest flicker of the warmth and compassion that had once danced behind his eyes when they interacted.
"Good night, my lady," he said, gracing her with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. It pained her that things had changed so quickly, that the easy friendship which had formed between them was now nothing more than a faded memory.
One hand reached out to grasp the door handle, but before she pushed it open, Morgana turned back to Leon one last time. "Look, Leon, I just--" How could she word this, so that she wasn't lying to him? "I know it may be difficult to understand, but I've been-- I've been under a great deal of stress lately. I just wanted you to know, and I-- I appreciate everything you've done for me. It will not soon be forgotten." It wasn't enough, never would be, but if her words made even the slightest bit of difference in his eyes, it would be worth it.
"Gaius, we've got big problems. Well, I suppose more specifically, I've got big problems, and maybe even more specifically, Uther is the one who should be worried, but he obviously doesn't know that, and I need your help to figure out what to do, because I'm having a hard time figuring out what the right decision is here."
Merlin barrelled into the workshop, breathless, the words pouring out of his mouth before he even had the time to ensure Gaius was alone. Or there at all, for that matter.
Thankfully the physician was there, mixing up some sort of foul-smelling concoction, and he glanced up with equal parts concern and irritation upon hearing Merlin's outburst. "Close the door before you start yelling things like that, for heaven's sake, Merlin," he scolded, placing the vials safely back on the table before gesturing for Merlin to join him. "I swear, sometimes I wonder if you have a death wish, or you really are just that mentally deficient."
A sheepish smile crept on to Merlin's face, and he ducked his head contritely. It seemed that no matter how many times Gaius warned him, he was still as impetuous as when he'd first arrived in Camelot. Thus far he'd been lucky, but it hadn't been without cost to his friends, on more than one occasion, and he resolved to at least try to work on the skill of looking before he leapt in the future, even if it went against his nature. But right now, he had far more serious matters to attend to.
"You're right, Gaius, I'm sorry. It's just that something really terrible is about to happen and I have no idea how to stop it," Merlin said. He glanced down at the bench, considered sitting, but quickly tossed the thought aside, too full of restless energy to do anything besides pace back and forth across the room.
"Merlin, I can see that you're upset about something, but you need to slow down and start at the beginning if you want my help."
The beginning? Where was that, even? It felt like Merlin's world had been upended several times in such a short period of time, and only when he stopped to consider that it'd been less than a day since he'd last talked to Gaius did it occur to Merlin just how much had actually happened over the past twenty-four hours. Taking a deep, calming breath, Merlin scrubbed a hand down his face before he attempted to explain the entire situation to Gaius.
"Morgana kissed Uther and I think she might be planning to kill him or at least get him off the throne somehow, and I had to lie to Arthur and convince him to back off and leave Morgana alone, even though it killed me to do it, because she threatened to reveal my magic to Arthur if I didn't help her, despite the fact that I tried to tell her that this wasn't the way to change things--"
"Merlin!" Gaius interrupted sharply, raising a hand to halt his speech, eyes wide and mouth hanging slightly agape. "Stop, stop. Are you telling me that Morgana knows about your magic?"
He nodded, gaze fixing on a spot across the room. It was easier than meeting Gaius' eyes when he explained how this happened. "Yes. I was, uh, using it to put away some of those texts we were looking through, because I was tired and they were really heavy." Merlin could feel the disapproving look Gaius was giving him, but he steadfastly ignored it. "I thought I heard the door open, but I kind of assumed it was you so I didn't think too much of it. She walked in and saw me as I was floating the books back to their spot on the shelf."
It almost came as a surprise when he felt the smack of Gaius' hand to the back of his head. "You absolute fool. Of all the idiotic, useless, negligent things you could've done. Merlin, what if a guard or, even worse, the king had walked in and seen you instead? You're lucky to still be alive." Despite the anger he heard in his mentor's voice, Merlin could also hear the fear and worry seeping through Gaius' words.
"I know, Gaius, I know. I'm sorry. It was completely reckless of me, and I promise that I'll be more responsible in the future, but it's too late to do anything about it now. She already knows."
Gaius looked like he wanted to continue scolding Merlin, but in the end, his curiosity seemed to win out. "And what happened when Morgana caught you?"
"She was really angry, but can you blame her? I thought she was going to kill me at one point, but she obviously didn't. Maybe I should have told her all those months ago that I was magic too. Perhaps I could've prevented all of this from happening." Merlin continued to pace the length of the room, slowly, his mind buried deep in thoughts of regret and self-doubt.
"Merlin, you said yourself that what's done is done, so there's no point in dragging yourself down with guilt of what you should or shouldn't have told Morgana. But you said that she's up to something and it involves Uther? What are you talking about?" Gaius asked, eyes tracking Merlin's movements. One hand rested on the tabletop, as if supporting his weight.
"I don't know exactly what she has planned, but I suspect it has something to do with knocking Uther out of power. She kissed him today, and Arthur said that Gwen's been concerned about her behaviour around Uther for the past couple of weeks," Merlin explained, gesticulating as he spoke. "Then she all but told me that she has some plan to make things better in Camelot and that if I didn't want to end up on the chopping block for any number of reasons, I needed to convince Arthur that there was nothing to worry about, which implies that clearly there is cause for concern."
"Morgana kissed Uther? You saw this with your own eyes?"
Funny how Gaius only seemed capable of picking up on one detail at a time, though perhaps it helped maintain the much-needed focus that Merlin seemed incapable of holding at present. "No, but Arthur did, and believe me, he was not impressed. But Morgana basically confirmed it herself, without actually saying the words."
"And what did you tell Arthur?" Gaius pressed.
Merlin threw his hands up in the air, stopping mid-step and turning to glance at Gaius. "That he had nothing to worry about. That Morgana had been through some traumatic experiences and surely the idea of a romance with his father was preposterous. I hated lying to him, though. And the worst part is that I think he might have taken my words to heart. It figures that of all the times for Arthur to finally start listening to me, it would be now."
Gaius tapped his chin thoughtfully, eyebrows furrowed, and it was plain to see that he was clearly disturbed by this turn of events. "Do you have any other evidence that Morgana is out to harm Uther?"
He wasn't serious, was he? Merlin tried to keep the sarcastic tone out of his voice as he spoke, but it was a little challenging. "Um, other than the fact that she's clearly trying to seduce Uther, and she told me as much, I'm going to say that no, I have nothing else. But I'd say that qualifies as enough evidence, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, I suppose you're right." Gaius nodded and indicated for Merlin to come and sit at the table. Reluctantly, Merlin stopped his pacing and took a seat across from his friend.
"So what do we do now?"
"I'm afraid there isn't much we can do at this point," Gaius said, frowning. "Unless we have some hard evidence to take to Uther, he would never believe it. He's blinded by his love for and devotion to Morgana. She would have to literally be standing over his chest with a dagger in her hand before he believed she would hurt him, and even then, it's still doubtful."
"Well, that's reassuring," Merlin grumbled to his boots. So much for Gaius having the solution to this problem. Not that he'd really expected it, of course, but this wasn't exactly helpful in his quest to prevent Morgana from making the biggest mistake of her life.
A hand covered his arm, squeezing gently, and Merlin glanced up. "That does not mean that you are completely powerless in all of this, though, Merlin," Gaius said in that knowing tone of voice he sometimes used, as though he had the utmost confidence in his words.
"So what do you suggest I do then?"
"Keep a close eye on Morgana, as well as Uther. It won't be an easy task, but I'm sure that you can recruit some assistance along the way."
Merlin's brows crinkled in confusion. He had absolutely no idea what Gaius was trying to imply. "Assistance? Who am I going to ask to keep an eye on her for me? Leon seems like a decent enough person, but I doubt he would agree to report Morgana's whereabouts to me."
Even the confounded stare he received in return -- one that seemed to suggest that Merlin was truly the daftest person Gaius had ever had the misfortune of knowing -- wasn't enough to enlighten him to the big secret he was apparently missing.
"Gwen, Merlin. Gwen," Gaius said slowly, clearly, insinuating in his tone that Merlin would not be able to follow otherwise, which realistically might not have been that far off the mark. "As Morgana's maidservant, she spends a great deal of time in her lady's company. Plus, as you've already mentioned, it seems that Gwen also has her suspicions. I think it would be wise to track her down and attempt to find out what she knows."
"Right. Gwen. Of course. Yeah, I'll do that," Merlin muttered, trying not to sound as dumb as he felt, though if Gaius' cheeky little smirk was any indication, he wasn't exactly succeeding.
Gaius reached out to pat Merlin on the back, looking at him with a mixture of fondness and concern. "Actually, you don't look so good, my boy. I suggest you get some rest now. You have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow."
Merlin frowned. He felt perfectly fine. Well, mostly fine. He was exhausted, and maybe his throat hurt a little. But that was only because he'd spent most of the day talking and fighting with various people. It was nothing. Gaius was over-reacting, as he often did. "No, I'm all right. It's not that late. I'm sure I could find Gwen now, and besides... I need to check on Arthur. You know how he is -- can't sleep if his room isn't exactly the right temperature, and his bed hasn't been warmed beforehand with stones, and so on and so forth," he said, waving one hand about theatrically. Arthur actually wasn't quite as picky as Merlin was making him out to be -- usually -- but he couldn't allow himself to sleep when there were still so many things to do this evening. Protecting the Pendragons from the constant onslaught of dangerous threat was a full time job.
"Merlin, I really don't think that's wise--" Gaius started, but Merlin was already out the door.
Morgana stood alone in her room, cold, silently fingering the crack she'd put in the wall all those years ago when she'd first arrived in Camelot as a girl, when grief and rage and the immutability of her circumstances had felt so overwhelming she could find no other way of dispelling her fears than to inflict destruction on something else. Was she no more mature than that girl now, still bent on spreading her own hurt as far as she could reach?
It hadn't been so long ago that it had all seemed so right, that she had a purpose in coming back to face those who would persecute her for being born with magic. Then, she had been buoyed by Morgause and her like-minded friends, who'd encouraged her on this path, who'd fed her health with the salubrity of the forest and her head with the misdeeds of Uther Pendragon. She'd had no cause then for self-doubt, no thoughts of what it would do to Arthur to take his rightful place, no remembrances of Uther's small kindnesses to a girl to whom he had no real obligation beyond the memory of a dead friend, no inkling of the easy friendship she'd strike up with Leon and just as easily cast away.
There was no use denying the ache in her chest when, after the disaster of her kiss with Uther, Leon had come to regard her with blank eyes, the warmth that had lit his face previously now banked carefully to ash.
Perhaps it was presumptuous of her to think there had been something there to begin with, but whatever it was, she felt its loss keenly now. There was no way he could guess what perfidy she had been planning all along, but even just knowing the depths of his character, the magnanimity that resided in him, borne out by putting aside his anger at his brother's death, made her feel small and base in comparison.
But he didn't have a whole kingdom to think of. He didn't have on his shoulders the souls of sorcerers long gone and the fears of the few left behind.
Morgana closed her eyes, leaning her head against the wall, hoping in vain desperation that the cool stone, in its age and strength, had some wisdom to impart to her. When she eased her eyes open again, the answer stood before her.
"Morgause!" she cried, startled.
A gentle hand rose to cup her cheek, and Morgause's mouth creased worriedly. "Are you unwell?"
"I'm fine," Morgana said, clasping her sister's hand gratefully. She blinked. "How did you get in here?"
Morgause smiled. "I took care of your guard."
Without thinking, Morgana darted a sharp glance towards the door, nearly taking a step towards it, filled with a sudden panic that Morgause had hurt Leon to get past him. It took only a split second for her to realise that it was the night shift and he wouldn't be on duty, but it was enough for Morgause to follow her gaze and latch on to it.
"You haven't got attached, have you?" she asked, a lilt of amusement in her voice that made something hot flare up in Morgana's belly.
"I was only afraid you might draw unnecessary attention to yourself, attacking a guard," Morgana lied.
"Oh," Morgause said dismissively, "don't worry, I've only put him to sleep. He'll wake in the morning with no recollection of having seen me. As you say, I don't want to cause any alarm." She tugged on Morgana's hand. "Come, sit with me and tell me what news you have. I'm sure much progress has been made since we saw each other last?"
Morgana sat obediently. "Well," she hedged, "it's rather a delicate process. And Arthur has been, well, quite opposed to the whole thing."
"Arthur? He's back?" Morgause said, surprised.
"For quite some time." Something tickled the back of her mind, and Morgana's brow furrowed, trying to coax it forward. "He almost didn't make it home, though," she said slowly, the guilt at that still lingering.
"Oh?"
"Something attacked him out there, something not of this world -- a giant serpent with horns, he said. Have you heard of it?"
Morgause idly drew an incomprehensible rune on the table with her fingertip, shaking her head. "I haven't. And how did he escape it?"
"He's a brilliant fighter," she replied, feeling a bit of pride well up inside her. "And, well, I suppose he did have Merlin there with him, too."
"The servant boy who poisoned you? You haven't killed him?"
If only it was as easy as all that. "No, I need him. He and Arthur seem quite attached to each other; I thought I might be able to use him that way, to get Arthur on our side. Merlin is..." She paused, unsure how much she really wanted to say about Merlin. His magic wasn't her secret to tell, but that wasn't what was fuelling her hesitance. And it wasn't that she wanted to protect him either; their friendship had splintered months ago, and she felt no obligations to him. All the same, there was some unvoiced thought urging her to keep quiet about his abilities, at least for now, and she followed the instinct. "He may be just a servant, but he has a lot of emotional influence over Arthur," she said, "and thanks to his attempt to kill me, I have influence over him. I think having Merlin under my thumb will work out in our favour in the long run."
Morgause nodded, her jaw shifting as she digested this information. "He may have his uses yet," she conceded, at length. After another moment of thought, she added, "Still, Arthur is weak. Even upon learning the truth about his mother, he could not bring himself to turn on Uther. I fear his attachment to Merlin, however strong, may not be enough. He is not yet fit to be king, not in the way we need him to be." She frowned. "I wonder if he'll ever be."
Shades of disapproval coloured her words; she was clearly still harbouring bitterness at Arthur, so close to falling completely in her trap, having returned to Camelot knowing the circumstances surrounding his mother's death, and not only had he spared Uther but seemed to have forged a stronger relationship with the king after everything.
Morgana held her tongue at present, just as she had when Morgause first unravelled this scene to her. As much as it appalled her to know how and why Igraine had passed, she was glad that Arthur had, for whatever reason, found the wherewithal to stay his sword; she knew regret would have consumed him in the aftermath, and he'd hate himself for the rest of his life. It was better this way; she'd spare him the trouble, and the hurt, of taking Uther's life, and she wouldn't regret it, not as much.
As if catching on to Morgana's inner thoughts, Morgause went on, easing her mouth into a smile. "But that's why we have you to take the throne. Once you're in place, we can rule Camelot as we wish, and let our people live freely and our magic flourish. You are close?"
It was the question Morgana had been dreading to answer. So much time had gone by and still she had nothing to show for all her efforts; there were days when she felt just a hair's breadth away from accomplishing everything she needed to do, and others, like today, when it seemed like she was no closer to her goal than when she'd first started. She cast a wary glance at Morgause. "I'm afraid," she said, "it hasn't gone as smoothly as I'd initially hoped."
"What do you mean?"
"I've been spending as much time as I can with Uther, and I tried to kiss him, but Arthur walked in on it, and--"
"That's as far as you've got?" Morgause interrupted, not bothering to mask her disappointment. "In all this time?"
"Uther does care for me, I know that for a fact. It's just... Getting him to see me in a different light, as a romantic prospect rather than a daughter, isn't going to happen overnight. Especially not when his son is so --"
Morgause leaned forward with intent, her eyes hard. "If Arthur is a problem, get rid of him."
"I --" Morgana blinked, speechless for a moment. "Arthur's my family; maybe not in blood, but I love him and I won't hurt him."
Morgause smiled suddenly. "Of course not; I wouldn't ask you to," she said soothingly. "I only meant that if he's getting in the way, we should find a means of distracting him. Send him elsewhere. Reports of skirmishes on the borders or attacks on the villages; things like that. With him out of the picture, you'll have an easier time getting to Uther, I'm sure."
Mollified, Morgana returned the smile by a fraction.
"Don't worry. You just carry on here, with Uther, and I'll take care of the rest," Morgause said.
"What are you going to do?"
Morgause laid a soft hand on hers. "Leave Arthur to me. He'll have reason enough to leave Camelot within the week." Before Morgana could question her plans again, she rose from her seat. "Uther will be all yours. I know," she said, her voice shifting just a notch into the beginnings of a warning, "you will not fail me."
"No, of course. I won't." Morgana got to her feet as well, feeling like a child, chastened for something she hadn't yet done.
"Good," said Morgause, her eyes bright with approval. She touched her cheek briefly to Morgana's and squeezed her hand. "You must know how proud I am to call you my sister. To know that you will be the one to make things right in this world."
Morgana only nodded uncertainly, the weight of Morgause's words bearing down on her shoulders.
"I know this hasn't been the easiest road for you," Morgause went on, her voice like a gentle caress, "and I have asked much of you. I don't blame you if you have doubts, but know this, Morgana: you are much stronger than you think, and I have the utmost faith in you to do the right thing, and to end our people's suffering for good."
"What if I can't?" Morgana asked, gripped with apprehension.
Morgause smiled softly. "You will."
Leaving those words to settle over the room, Morgause flashed one last encouraging look at Morgana, and sailed out of the chamber, past the stiffly slumbering profile of the night guard. Morgana watched her disappear down the corridor, and carefully shut and locked her door. She leaned against it heavily, the shackles of expectations a bigger burden than ever.
Continue to Chapter Twelve