Yagyuu Kyuubei arc - more of Gintama manga translations
SPRING BREAK IS HEREEEEEE YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
...So that means more Gintama translations for now XD; Yagyuu Kyuubei arc! Otae is getting married!? Wait what?! So of course guys have to go and fight.
Chapters 110-113 for now. More to come the next couple of days.
chapter 110
(scene opens where Otae-san works bar/host club/you get the idea)
Women who work there: Welcome!
Women: Ah!
Women: Wahhhh~~~! It's Hijikata-san! It's Hijikata-san!
Random woman A: It's not Kondo that's visiting today! It's Hijikata-san!
Random woman B: Hijikata-san~~! Please be sure to request me!
Waiter/Emcee/Receptionist person: ....Hijikata-san, which lady would you like?
Hijikata: ...............
Otae: So, why are you here? I thought Kondo had finally learned some manners, but now it's you who's visiting?
Otae: Shinsengumi must lead a comfortable life! Using tax-payers' money and coming to places like this, hmm?
Hijikata: It's not because I want to be here.
Otae: Oh yeah. Does Kondo-san know about this?
Hijikata: About what?
Otae: About us. And our relationship.
Hijikata: .....what relationship?!
Otae: I can see how being so popular is a problem. The superior and his subordinate are fighting for the same woman. This is like a soap opera.
Hijikata: Oi. Don't make up weird stories like that. I'm only here to--
Otae: But I'm not THOSE kind of women! If this relationship won't pan out like Monday night dramas, I am going to refuse!
Hijikata: You misunderstood why I came here.
Otae: *completely ignores and keeps going on about dramas XD* But looking at your face...You seem more like a Sunday night drama kind of guy. Or maybe Saturday night mayonnaise detective.
Hijikata: Who you calling a mayonnaise detective?!
Hijikata: Look, in any case, what about Kondo-san? Is he a Monday night drama kinda face, or "I've-proposed-too-many-times" kind of face?
Otae: I think he's more of a Tuesday night crime drama corpse.
Otae: *FINALLY GETS IT* ..Hijikata-san, don't tell me you're here for Kondo-san's sake...
All of Shinsengumi (minus Okita and Kondo), lead by Yamazaki: OTAE SAN!!!! PLEASE MARRY OUR COMMANDER AND BE OUR NEE-SAN!
Otae: Ehhh? Are you guys threatening me?
Hijikata: ........Well, actually. Lately, people have been meaning to set Kondo-san up for marriage.
Hijikata: He's really close to 30, and the Bakufu wants him to think about his future, so they're encouraging ((note: more like setting him up - an arranged marriage)) him to get married. And not to mention, since you're always rejecting him, he's getting really desperate. It's gotten to the point where as long as it's a woman, that's fine with him.
Otae: Is that so? Then that's great! He won't come and stalk me! And this way Kondo-san will have a loving wife too. Everyone would be happy!
Hijikata: *shows her a photo* Oh yeah. I'm sure. The woman (referring to the one that the bakufu had in mind for Kondo) is after all, the Gorilla Planet's Princess Barbaruth. Quite a match. (note: THIS IS AN ACTUAL GORILLA XDDDDDD)
Otae: Wow! They look so alike! What a match! A match made in heaven!
Yamazaki: NEESAN! PLEASE TAKE A CLOSER LOOK! THERE ARE VERY SLIGHT DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HER AND KONDO-SAN! SHE IS ACTUALLY A GORILLA!!!
Yamazaki: Please, Nee-san! Do something! Otherwise, we're going to end up calling that freak "neesan" for the rest of our lives! ONLY YOU CAN STOP THIS D:!
Otae: Don't worry so much! They say that hairy women are very emotional and sensitive. I'm sure she'll make a good wife.
Yamazaki: SHE'S NOT JUST A LITTLE HAIRY! SHE'S VERY VERY HAIRY!
Yamazaki: *bowing now XD* Everything you've said is correct, Nee-san! But we don't want you to necessarily marry Kondo-san, just talk to him! We're begging you now. PLEASE. Someone like Nee-san would surely understand how heavy-hearted we feel about all this----
Otae: *picks up Yamazaki by his head XDDDD* Heavy? You said heavy?
Otae: *throws Yamazaki XD* I THINK YOUR BRAINS ARE FILLED WITH LEFT OVER TOFU >O
Otae: GOD YOU GUYS ARE ANNOYING!
Club owner: Otae-san! That's the wrong approach! That'll only encourage the stalkers!!!!
Hijikata: *while Shinsengumi is getting beaten up by Otae-san, he's on the cellphone with Kondo XDDDDD* Oi, Kondo-san. I don't think this plan will work. You're just gonna have to tough it out.
Hijikata: *still on the phone* Wait what? Women saying no actually means yes? Nono, I think this is a definite no on her part. Oh, by the way, next time, don't tell me to run your errands for you.
((annnnd mystery person shows up! This is Yagyuu Kyuubei, btw. I'll call them Kyuu for short since lolz long name is long))
Shinsengumi: *surprised at this sudden entrance!* !!!!
Shinsengumi: Who're you!?
Kyuu: All you men targeting a single woman? Isn't that too much? What kind of samurais are you?
Shinsengumi: WAIT WHAT?! IF ANYTHING, IT'S MORE LIKE OTAE-SAN IS BEATING US UP! And we're definitely samurais!
Kyuu: You guys can't lay a hand on her. She's very important to me.
Shinsengumi: *PISSED* WHAT?! FOR A SHORTIE, YOU SURE TALK BIG!
Hijikata: Shut up. Come on, let's go. No point in us staying here. Oh, and kid (referring to Kyuu), are you even legal? Get outta here.
Kyuu: What did you just call me?
Kyuu: I'm not---
Kyuu: *tries to attack Hijikata, but Hijikata barely manages to block at the last minute* a kid.
Hijikata: *TWITCH*
Kyuu: I'm Yagyuu Kyuubei.
Otae: Eh? Kyuu-chan?!
(scene shifts to Gintoki, Shinpachi and Kagura, currently fixing up a roof)
Gintoki: Eh? Your sister didn't come home until this morning?
Shinpachi: Yeah. Because of her work, she always comes up the next morning. But she came home later than usual today. And she didn't even say hi. Just changed her clothes, and left again.
Gintoki: Shinpachi, at this point, just go cook your own red bean rice quietly. (I'm assuming this is some sort of a slang or custom? Basically it means like, telling Shinpachi to like, take care of himself since his sister is probably going to be married off or something XD )
Shinpachi: DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT!
Shinpachi: Before she's actually married, I'm not going to do that! I'll get slapped, anyway! She doesn't even have anyone in mind right now for marriage! SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME IF I DO THAT!
Shinapchi: I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. NOPE. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
Gintoki: You really love your sister a little too much, Shinpachi. You know, legally, you're not supposed to get married to your sister. She can finally get rid of you as a burden and enter the real world where women belong!
Gintoki: THEN AS HER BROTHER, YOU WILL NEED TO COOK RED BEAN WITH RICE. ...And do it while crying!
Kagura: GIN-CHAN! When I grow up, will I be able to eat red bean with rice?!
Gintoki: You can only eat red bean bread.
Gintoki: OKAY! Lunch time!
Kagura: ;____; It's red bean bread again! We've been eating that for that past 2,3 days! D:
Shinpachi: *semi-sniffling* Dammit ;__; who's---IS ANEUE REALLY---?!?!?
Shinpachi: *looks down and sees Kondo!* EH?! KONDO-SAN?! ...DON'T TELL ME---HE'S GOING TO---BE WITH THAT GORILLA? (Gintoki and co. are repairing a roof of an important restaurant some kind, and so yeah XD)
Kondo: Hmm?
Police chief (gah, sorry. I can't remember/find his name, but he doesn't show up here much): Kondo, what are you doing?
Kondo: Hmm? Oh, er, nothing. I just thought someone called out my name.
Police chief: Oi, be strong, you. Are you nervous? But I guess that can't be helped. This is your first time being set up like this, right?
Police chief: Actually, I met my wife through an arranged marriage as well. God I was nervous. But she was prettier than her picture, so I was really happy.
Police chief: So pictures are not reliable, Kondo. I know in her picture, she looks like a gorilla. But her facial structure is just different LIKE a gorilla's, that's all.
Kondo: You say "like" a gorilla. It IS a gorilla. I think she IS a gorilla!
Police chief: Nono, she's probably just nervous, and so was kind of panting while they took the picture---
Kondo: PANTING BECAUSE SHE'S NERVOUS?! THAT'S TOO MUCH! WHY'S SHE SO HAIRY!? HOW CAN SOMEONE PANT LIKE THAT?!
Police Chief (PC for short) : Kondo, I'll be honest with you. This is an important political marriage. Earth and the Gorilla Planet can never get along, so we'll need you to solve this.
PC: It all depends on you, Kondo. You hold Earth's fate in your hands. I arranged for us to meet at this fancy restaurant, so don't screw it up.
Kondo: You might say that, but..... ....>.> That's a gorilla.
PC: And that's why I say you shouldn't care so much about the picture! I bet she's three times more beautiful than you can ever imagine. Now come on, let's go.
(..........ANNNND THEY COME FACE TO FACE WITH A GIANT FEMALE GORILLA IN A KIMONO XDDDDDD)
Kondo: I THINK THIS IS MORE LIKE SHE'S 3 TIMES BIGGER THAN I CAN EVER IMAGINE!
(Otae and Kyuu pass by Kondo + gorilla, heading toward another part of the restaurant)
Otae: ...?
Kyuu: What's wrong, Tae-chan?
Otae: Nothing. I thought I just saw a gorilla just now.
Kyuu: You're saying silly things again. You're still that interesting.
(scene shifts back to Kondo + Gorilla princess XD )
Kondo: ...so...er...princess Barbaruth! What kind of um, hobbies do you have...????
Gorilla: UWAH!
Kondo: ...OH! That's um...that's great! That's just as fun as um...PSHU PSHU or DON DON, huh? ....But er...if you...um, over...do it? It'll be bad for your shoulder! Oh..Um...or maybe you're saying it doesn't hurt your shoulder???? .....SO HOW ABOUT SOME VEGETABLES????
Kondo: *thinking* CRAP. I don't understand a word she's saying!
Kondo: *thinking* ...Does she even understand what I'm saying?! Am I overthinking things? She's starting to look pissed.
Kondo: *thinking* I can't tell if she's getting angry, or....???? SHIT. IF THIS CONTINUES, EARTH IS GOING TO GET DESTROYED. Oh no! I'm too nervous, and now I really have to go crap!
Kondo: *thinking* WHAT DO I DO, WHAT DO I DO?!??! How can I do this without being completely undiplomatic?!?!?!? Ah, I know! I'll ALSO say UWAH! Maybe with a hand gesture too? That'll be fine, right???????
Kondo: um, UWAH! *POINTS OUTSIDE* Translation into Gorilla language: Want to go on a walk with me? ((ohhhh, poor Kondo-san))
Kondo: EH!?!? WHY'S SHE FOLLOWING ME OUTSIDE?!?!? OH NO! THIS IS BAD!
(scene shifts to Kyuu and Otae)
Otae: It really has been a long time. I heard from your grandfather that you went on a trip to become a samurai. I didn't think you would come back. You should've told me sooner.
Kyuu: Nobody knows I'm back yet. I came straight for you.
Otae: um....
Kyuu: I really wanted to see you.
Kyuu: *CLINGS to Otae*
Otae: H-Hey!
Kyuu: Do you remember that promise back then? I kept my end of the promise, and I became stronger, and came back. Now it's your turn, Tae-chan.
(scene shifts outside in the restaurant's courtyard, and the gorilla princess has been knocked out by a large brick XD)
Kondo: PRINCESS!!! WHAT'S GOING ON??!??! WHY ARE BRICKS FALLING?!???!?!?
Gintoki: Ah, sorry. My hand slipped.
Kagura: OH! There are TWO gorillas! :O
Kondo: SHIT! ((.....and he kinda...er........crapped in his pants. OTL))
(scene shifts back to Otae and Kyuu, and Kyuu just kissed Otae)
Chapter 111
Shinpachi: We've fixed all we can, and if there are any more leaks, please be sure to let us know!
Shinpachi: Wow, we got paid a lot this time. I think I'll go buy some Haggan-Daz for Aneue. Haha, I must've been overthinking things. Why would Aneue bring home some stranger random guy home, right? That's just not possible and not like her. *walking along*
Otae: Hey, stop that--
Shinpachi: *passes by the section of the restaurant where Otae and Kyuu are, and sees them kissing OH DEAR GOD*
Otae: I SAID STOP IT! *pushes Kyuu away* What--what do you think you're doing??!
Shinpachi + Otae + Kyuu, all just staring at each other : ..................................
(scene shifts to Gorilla princess, Gintoki, Kagura, annnd Kondo. Gorilla has a giant bump on her head XD)
Kondo: PRINCESS! ARE YOU OKAY!??!?!?!?
Kondo:*thinking* SHIT SHIT!!!! She must be really pissed! And I can't believe I...that...in my pants!
Gintoki: OIIIII. What are you doing here, anyway?
Kondo: *thinking* And I can't believe THESE people are here too!
Kagura: Don't tell me you got so desperate, you're going out with a real gorilla?
Gintoki: Hey, that's too mean. Jokes should have a limit too. I bet that's his brother.
Kondo: *thinking* I MUST NOT ADMIT THAT I'M GETTING SET UP WITH A GORILLA, AND THAT...MY...THAT...AND MY PANTS!
Kondo: O--Oi! Don't joke like that! She's um...She's my pet!
Gintoki: Pet? Really? That big one!?
Kondo: Um, see. She was looking at me really sadly from the shop window, so I bought her. *thinking* OH GOD. I'M SO SORRY, PRINCESS. BUT THIS IS WHERE OUR LANGUAGE BARRIER IS A GOOD THING
Kagura: *jumps onto the gorilla and trying to force feed it something XD* Awww~ Come on! Eat this!
Kondo: HEY! DON'T JUST RANDOMLY TRY TO FEED HER!
Kagura: :O These are red beans! :O
Kondo: WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING TO PRINCESS?!??!
Gintoki: WHat do you mean, Princess?!
Kondo: HUH?! NO! THAT'S ER, THAT'S HER NAME! PRINCESS!
Kondo: In any case, she's clearly very full. Look! She's spitting it all out! Stop feeding her plea---
Gintoki: *SMACKS THE GORILLA XD* HOW DARE YOU WASTE FOOD!
Kondo: HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Kondo: COME ON! Stop fooling around, you two!
Kagura: Man, she's spoiled :x
Kondo: OKAY OKAY, I GET IT! I'LL GO HOME AND DISCIPLINE HER! NOW BOTH OF YOU LEAVE!
Kondo: *thinking* Oh no. If we stay here any longer, who knows what the princess would do! *at Gintoki and Kagura* Okay, we were going for a walk, so we have to go now----!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gintoki: Eh? What's that?
Kagura: Ah, shit :O (note: ...literally XD;;;;;;;;;;)
Kondo: ..........DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDX!!!! *thinking* OH NO! THESE STYLES OF KIMONOS...THEY'RE LOOSE AND SO--- IT FELL OUT!!!
Gintoki: Um, I think it fell out of your pants.
Kagura: You even kicked it a bit.
Kondo: ER....PRINCESS!!! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO NOT JUST RANDOMLY DO YOUR BUSINESS ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE! *throws the gorilla XD*
Kondo: Gah, what am I going to do about this. She does this all the time, you know.
Gintoki: No, it fell out of YOUR pants.
Kondo: OI! Sakata! How dare you say that ! I'm a man of almost 30 years of age!
Kagura: But look :O There's a trail of it behind you :O
Kondo: !!! UM, UM. You misunderstood! These are left over crackers, and we're just, um, laying them down as markers so we won't get lost.
Gintoki: I think you're already lost in the maze that is known as life.
Gorilla: RAWWWWWRRRRR
(scene shifts to Shinpachi, Otae and Kyuu)
Otae: Ah, Shin-chan! Um, please, let me explain....Um, this is...um...
Shinpachi: ......WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU TWO ARE DOING?!?!?!?!?!??!
Shinpachi: YOU BASTARD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER?!?! *grabs Kyuu by the collar*
Otae: SHIN-CHAN!
Kyuu: Oh, YOU're Shinpachi? I see you're still clinging to your sister.
Kyuu: *throws Shinpachi across the room* You should learn to be more independent.
Otae: SHIN CHAN!
Kyuu: It's time to leave. Look at yourself. Because you're in that sorry state, your sister's afraid to leave.
Shinpachi: !!! Why you---
Shinpachi: ...You're Kyuubei---- You're Yagyuu Kyuubei! You just show up randomly, and then say some weird stuff about leaving?! What are you babbling about!?!??
Kyuu: That's exactly what I'm saying.
Kyuu: You didn't know? Tae-chan and I already made a promise when we were kids, that we are going to get married. She's my fiancee, and I'm going to bring her home today.
Shinpachi: WHAT?!?!?!?
Kyuu: You don't understand. She never belonged to you. She belongs with me. And you have no business to interfere.
Shinpachi: He's lying! Babbling about childhood promises--- Hey! Say something, aneue!
Shinpachi: ...Aneue....? (Otae is looking really really sad D: )
Shinpachi: ANEUE! WHY ARE YOU NOT SAYING ANYTHING?!
Otae: Shin-chan. I'm sorry...I....
Shinpachi: ANEUE!! WHY--- ANEUE!!
(ANNNND A LOUD BOOM XD Gorilla, Kondo, Gintoki, and Kagura crashes into the room XD)
Kondo: OH GOD IT HURTS.
Gintoki: HEY! Do something!! I THOUGHT SHE WAS YOUR PET.
Kondo: Nono!! SHe's actually a princess!! X____X!!!
Kondo/Gintoki/Kagura: Eh!? Otae-san!?
Gintoki: Are we interrupting?
Otae: .....Everyone..... Good bye. ((....and she's crying and leaving D: ))
Kondo + Kagura + Gintoki: .......................??!?!?!?!?!
Gintoki: Oi. *grabs Otae by the shoulder but OOPS, ANGRY GORILLA IS ON THE LOOSE AGAIN*
Kondo: SHIT! PRINCESS IS COMING OVER! Everybody, apologize to her first!!!!
Kyuu: *carries Otae off!*
Shinpachi: ANEUE!!!!
Kondo: NONO!! YOU SAY UWAH! NOT ANEUE!!!
(scene shifts to Shinsengumi headquarters, with Okita and Hijikata)
Hijikata: Haa~~ Dammit, and this was a new sword too. (it has a slight crack, due to him blocking Kyuu's attack)
Okita: You lost, didn't you, Hijikata-san?
Hijikata: I didn't lose. There's just a slight crack.
Okita: Was it because of that guy at the Yoruzuya? You must've lost. Yep.
Hijikata: I didn't lose. As long as I say I didn't lose, I didn't lose.
Okita: Wow, as expected of the great Hijikata-san. He lost, and he's still this stubborn. I'm so envious of your shamelessness.
Hijikata: Since this sword is kinda useless right now, I might as well use it to chop of your head. How's that.
Okita: Hijikata-san, I think if if that guy was actually serious, we would've been in some serious trouble. That guy...he's called Yagyuu something.
Okita: The Yagyuu family is a family of generals and military leaders. But ever since the Amanto's arrival, Kendo's been dwindling. Yet a lot of people still join up with their dojo to learn their technique. Yagyuu Kyuubei is the next family leader, and although he's short and looks like a kid, he's actually very fast on his feet, and they call him the strongest thus far in the family.
Okita: But for those who only study within the confines of the dojo, compared to us, we should have the advantage, seeing as how we fight real battles. But guess we country folk are just not as good as them~~
Hijikata: *TWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH XDDDD*
Okita: But in any case, I guess in both kendo and in love.... if he is indeed Otae-san's fiance, then I guess Kondo-san's pretty much beat.
Hijikata: Sougo, don't underestimate Kondo. I'm sure he'll be fine. I've always admired how he's always gung-ho, and makes sure that whatever he does, he'll succeed.
Okita: ...But what if he really succeeds? What if we have to call that Gorilla our nee-san????
(scene shifts to two men in the rain, standing outside a dojo, then shifts again to the Yoruzuya)
Gintoki: Shinpachi didn't show up again today. Geez, I should just fire him.
Kagura: Gin-chan, is it true that anego (affectionate term for "sister"; Kagura uses it to refer to Otae-san) isn't coming back? She sent a letter saying something about she's not coming back and she has bridal lessons...
Gintoki: Yeah. If you're going to get married off to a family like Yagyuu's, you have to learn a lot of things. Eh well. Although I have no clue what the hell's going on, if it's a promise, then it's a promise. Besides, now their dojo's saved.
Kagura: Gin-chan...My mommy once said that you would only smile when you first get married. Not many people can keep smiling. But if you can, then you've had a good life. But....Anego...can she really keep smiling...? *thinking back to how Otae's crying and saying good bye to all of them*
Kagura: I think she's hiding something! She must! It's my intuition!
Gintoki: Idiot. Anyone can tell she's hiding something. You don't need intuition for that. But still, it's clear that it's her own choice.
Gintoki: So of course she would keep smiling and--- *thinks back also to when Otae was crying and saying good-bye* ....TCH.
Gintoki: Dammit, why'd you let us see you off like that?
(scene shifts to outside the dojo aka Yagyuu's house)
Random guards: HEY. Who the hell are you? You wanna join up with our dojo? Sorry. This is the Yagyuu's private home. We're damn famous people, so if you want to join, you can't just be small-fries.
Random guards: Or are you guys here to make trouble (here taken to mean overthrowing the Yagyuu dojo; a challenge, duel, etc from one dojo to another. Big serious stuff D: ), and trying to take down the dojo? You better not, we're the Yagyuu---
Shinpachi and Kondo: Ehhhhh? What do you mean, we're here to make trouble??? >:DDDDDDDDD *KICKS THE GUARDS DOWN XD*
A whole load of people, supporters/students of the Yagyuu family: ENEMY!! WHO ARE THEY!? HOW DARE THEY!!!!
Shinpachi: I AM TENDOU MUSHINRYUU (note: The "ryuu" here is taken to mean like, one dojo's style/technique. A pun/joke is based on this later, so XD;) DOJO'S MASTER! SHIMURA SHINPACHI!
Kondo: AND I'M HIS DISCIPLE GORILLA ISAO!
Kondo and Shinpachi: WE'RE HERE TO CHALLENGE THE SO-CALLED NUMBER ONE YAGYUU DOJO! .......Even though we're really not that interested in actually doing that and that's not exactly why we're here....buuuuuuuutt.......
Shinpachi: GIVE ME BACK MY SISTER! >O *kicks down a bunch of people*
Kondo: GIVE US BACK OTAE-SAN!!!!
Random supporters/students of the Yagyuu dojo: ASSHOLES! TAKE THEM DOWN! >O
(and a bunch of people just made an entrance!)
Everyone: !!!!
Supporters of the Yagyuu dojo: NOW WHO THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?!
Gintoki: Sorry. Not just the two of them.
Gintoki: Shinpachi, just for today, we're also your disciple. >| ((Kagura, Okita, Hijikata are also here))
Hijikata: Then what are we, the Natural-Perm-Ryuu dojo?
Shinpachi: Gin-san! Kagura-chan! O_O!!!!
Kondo: YOU GUYS?!?!?!?!
Chapter 112
(scene shifts to Kyuu and older Yagyuu, the father. Father = Koshinori. Koshi for short)
Koshi: I say, Kyuubei...I'm really disappointed in you. Three years ago, you left for your studies. I thought this meant you would help bring the Yagyuu back into glory, but instead, you came running back, and brought a girl with you!? You wanna marry her?
Koshi: What have you been doing these past 3 years? Looking for a wife?!
Kyuu: Forgive me for being direct, Father--
Koshi: BE QUIET! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO NOT CALL ME FATHER!
Koshi: CALL ME PAPA! OR DADDY!
Koshi: Kyuubei, we Yagyuu have always served under the generals of this country. I've told you many times that because of that, you need to be careful in everything you do. Also, we need to make sure to pass down the Yagyuu's pure bloodline. See I have a Persian cat here??? I don't like them, but they are pure D: (...btw, Koshi = midget, so ...this is all...kind of hilarious XD)
Koshi: Otae-chan really is cute, but she's just a country dojo master's daughter. She's not fit to be married into the Yagyuu family. Do you want us to go extinct?! Do you---
Koshi: Ah, Papa-sama, you're back (refering to Koshi's father, aka Kyuu's GRANDfather. Also a midget. A short little old man XDDDDD)
Koshi: PAPA-SAMA?!?!??!? What are you doing with all that junk! I told you not to go collect those things! ((Kyuu's grandfather is carrying a truck load of ....trash and junk XDDDDDDD))
Grandpapa: But this is kind of a sad waste if all of these get thrown out.
Koshi: IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF WASTE! WE'RE THE YAGYUU FAMILY! WE CAN'T DO THAT!!!
Grandpapa: It's okay. We'll keep these here. They'll be useful. Eventually.
Koshi: I don't think they'll ever be useful -____-;;;;;;;;
Grandpapa: See? You're always complaining about that one rag that always falls off the sink, right? Use this suction cup thing.
Koshi: THAT'S TOO BIG!!!
Grandpapa: And look at THIS! Didn't grandmother say something about wanting a scarf?
Koshi: WHAT KIND OF DEAD THING IS THAT?!
Kyuu: ....*leaves*
Koshi: Ah, Kyuubei! Don't leave! I wasn't done talking---
Kyuu: Father. If you don't believe me, and what I've been doing these past three years, fight me, then you'll see what I mean. People can change for the better, if they really want to protect something. I couldn't protect someone, and that's why I went on that trip, Compared to you, Father, who protects something formless and useless like a family's glory....I think I would have the advantage.
Koshi: ....Papa (referring to himself, not the grandfather. GOD, too many papas XD) wasn't talking about that. I was talking about how you should---
Kyuu: Father, just protect what Grandfather holds dear, and that's fine. I need to protect the people I care about. I swore to my left eye (Yagyuu wears an eyepatch over the left eye, in case you didn't know XD;)
Koshi: that's NOT what I meant! I was saying ---
Guards: KOSHINORI-SAMA!!!
(scene shifts to Gintoki, Hijikata, Okita, Kagura, Shinpachi annnd Kondo fighting all the supporters of the Yagyuu dojo. And doing very well)
Supporters of Yagyuu: UWAHHHH!! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! TOO STRONG! TOO STRONG!!!
Gintoki: SHINPACHI! I'm going to deduct this from your paycheck! Running off and doing your own things?! TSK.
Kagura: YEAH! I can't believe you ran off and was doing something THIS fun!! You should've said something!
Kondo: YOU GUYS! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW SHINPACHI IS FEELING, AND YOU DARE TO SAY THAT?! Don't you know that Shinpachi didn't want to drag you into this?!
Gintoki: SHUT UP, GORILLA! I BET THIS WAS ALL YOUR IDEA!!!
Kondo: WE CAME HERE BECAUSE WE BELIEVED IN OURSELVES! WE KNEW THAT OTAE-SAN CAME HERE OUT OF HER OWN FREE WILL TOO. BUT! ALTHOUGH I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY OR HOW, BUT NEITHER OF US CAN AGREE TO SEE OFF OTAE-SAN CRYING LIKE THAT! Maybe she doesn't want to do this! Maybe she doesn't want other people to worry! SO WE'RE HERE! AND WE WANT TO SEE OTAE-SAN! >O!
Kondo: This kind of fight has nothing to do with justice or whatever! So we would never drag you guys in! ....*at Okita and Hijikata* SO WHY ARE YOU TWO HERE?!?!?!?
Hijikata: Kondo-san. Don't worry. I came here out of my own free will too. I owe Yagyuu something, so I'm only here to pay them back double. Besides, today's my day off.
Okita: Kondo-san, I'm also here out of my own free will. If we let this continue, we'll have to call a gorilla our nee-san. So I decided to slack off and come here.
Kondo: YOU REALLY ARE SELF-INTERESTED!
Okita: D:? Eh? But Kondo-san is also here slacking off---
Kondo: I CALLED IN MANY SICK DAYS FOR THIS!
Shinpachi: ...Gin-san. If you want to say that I love my sister too much, that's fine. I do love my sister very much. I don't want to leave her side. But...
Shinpachi: If she's going to leave with a man she truly loves. Whether that man is someone who's lazy and always late with paying rent, or a guy who looks like a gorilla and is a stalker, or a crazy mayo lov er, or a sadistic freak, or a madao, or a guy with hemorrhoids, as long as Aneue is happy, that's okay. I already know that. I'm prepared to cook red bean with rice for the rest of of my life. I don't care if I'll end up being a wuss who's crying about it, but still.
Shinpachi: T___T If I have to see my sister cry like that, I can't just do nothing T________T I just want to see her always smiling. I guess that's siblings for you.
Kagura: *walks by* Gin-chan, if anego really likes that midget, then aren't we being the bad guys?
Gintoki: Eh. We're used to doing that. And screwing things up.
Gintoki: Just remember though, Shinpachi. We're not here for justice or whatever. We're not here for your sister. We're your friends.
Hijikata: Let's get one thing straight. I'm not your friend. I just happen to be here.
Okita: Isn't that nice? He's pretending to be like that, so he can be your friend :O You should be careful of him :|
Kondo: *hand on Shinpachi's shoulder* Even though we're not really "friend" friends, but maybe with the 6 of us, we can take down the Yagyuu dojo. Right, brother?
Shinpachi: .....Who you calling brother?
(scene shifts to inside the Yagyuu family/dojo/compound, where a couple of guys are eating lunch. They are: kita oojiitsuki (kita), minami tosui (minami), nishi notsukamu (nishi), and toujyou ayumu (ayu) )
Minami : Did you hear? The head (referring to Kyuu) brought back a girl. She's there at grandmother's right now for special bridal training.
Minami: I've already had to comfort so many of the maids that got traumatized by that old wench. Oh, Kita, don't you think you're adding too much ketchup?
Kita: Didn't you know? Ketchup goes with everything.
Minami: I think it's disgusting. Quit adding so much of that stuff.
Kita: I think you're disgusting. You look like male genitals (.....I'm sadly not kidding about that translation =_=;;;;)
Minami: WHAT?!
Nishi: Stop it, you guys. You're being immature.
Minami: I DON'T WANT TO GET CRITICIZED BY SOME GUY WHO'S STILL EATING KIDS MEAL!
Nishi: SHUT UP, PENIS! YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A PENIS!
Minami: AHHHH!??!? WHICH PART, HUH!? WHICH PART?!?!?!?
Ayu: Be quiet, all of you. We're suppose to be eating. Why are we so hot-headed? But in any case, I'm glad the head has finally decided to marry. These three years have been good for you. We should let him choose whatever he wants to do, and we'll just follow and support him the best we can. Perhaps that's not exactly fair to the girl, but..... *he's currently cracking an egg over a pile of rice*
*egg yolk does NOT stay still, of course*
*complete silence*
Nishi: ...Yeah. I guess that's that girl's destiny.
Ayu: .... ....DAMN IT I'M PISSED OFF!!!!!!!
Nishi: Toujyou-san!?!??!
Ayu: THE YOLK!! THE YOLK!! I THOUGHT I SAID I WANTED FRESH EGGS!! THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO THE SUPERMARKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Minami: Please calm down, Toujyou-san! It's just food!
Ayu: WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK, YOU, WHOSE ENTIRE BODY LOOKS LIKE A PENIS!!! >O!
Minami: WHAT?! Now my whole BODY is one?!?!?!?
Kagura: *gets hit with the bowl of rice with raw egg yolk D:* ...... :x
Okita: Hey, eggs are falling off of you. What, is it that time of the month?
Kagura: *grabs Okita and throws him across the room*
Hijikata: Yep. That was definitely Sougo at fault.
Okita: Ow! What's wrong with you------ *Nishi, Ayu, Kita and Minami all their swords pointing at Okita*
Okita: :O
Ayu: Ah, so you guys finally showed up. You think with the 6 of you, you can beat us? My, my. Such audacity.
Ayu: But enough games. Afterall, we are the ones charged specifically with protecting the Yagyuu family....
Kita: I'm Kita Oojitsuki
Minami: Minami Tosui.
Nishi: Nishi Notsukamu.
Ayu: And I'm Toujyou Ayumu. Since you've dared to challenge the Yagyuu top 4, don't expect to leave here alive.
Gintoki: Huh? We're not here to fight you guys. Where's your head?
Minami: You guys are just filthy trash. You can't just go in and see the head. You don't even have the right to challenge us. Throw away your weapons *grabs Okita and holding sword to Sougo's throat* Or he'll---
Shinpachi, Kagura, Gintoki, Hijikata, Kondo: *ALL THROW THEIR SWORDS RIGHT AT OKITA AND MINAMI LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE XD*
Minami, Ayu, Kita, Nishi: OI!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!? *all dodging and running in different directions XD*
Gintoki: You told us to throw it away.
Minami: WHAT KIND OF "THROWING IT AWAY" WAS THAT??!!??! DON'T YOU SEE THE HOSTAGE!?!?!?
Hijikata: Sorry, but that guy (referring to Okita) isn't worth it, even as a hostage. Just kill him.
Kagura: AHAHAHAHHAHAA
Okita: BOTH OF YOU------!!!!!
Kita: Toujyou-san, let me get rid of them--
Kyuu: Stop it, all of you.
Kyuu: They are friends of my wife. Don't be so rude.
Kyuu: You guys are here. I can't believe you're this stubborn, Shinpachi.
Shinpachi: ...I'm not here as a younger brother. I'm here as the head master of the dojo. Shimura Tae is an important disciple, and so, if you're going to take her away from us, you should've came and "negotiated" with me.
Kyuu: ...Negotiate?
Kondo: You know kendo, and you know exactly what we're talking about. Samurais don't talk it over. We settle things with our swords.
Okita: Yep! You die and live by the sword! And so--
Hijikata: Even if it's a woman, you fight it out with your swords.
Kagura: COME ON AND FIGHT >O!
Kyuu: Fight? Hehe. My Yagyuu technique versus your country run-down dojo's style? Please. We already know who'd win that.
Gintoki: OF COURSE WE HAVE TO FIGHT~ Even though here in OUR dojo, we all hate each other, and want the next guy dead, and we don't know each other very well, but about fights, we are VERY knowledgeable.
Chapter 113
(scene shifts to the grandmother, currently with Otae-san, teaching her how to cook and be a proper wife and all that. But of course, we all know Otae-san can only make those...egg...like.....things.... )
Grandmother: ....Tae-san, what exactly is this?
Otae: Fried eggs ^_^
Grandmother: ........
Otae: I've always been really talented with eggs! I think I've reached the limit, I don't think I can improve any further. But I've tried to listen to your suggestions, and wowwww, I can't believe I've invented such a thing! It's wonderful! My signature dishes have increased, but I'm still not very good with fish. I think we need more fire. Teach me more, Grandmother!
Grandmother: ARE YOU TRYING TO SET MY KITCHEN ON FIRE?!??!!??!????!?!?
Otae: Ah, well-said. Every kitchen holds a fiery place in a young wife's heart.
Grandmother: THIS IS BURNT! COMPLETELY BURNT!! IT'S A CORPSE! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, THE UNDERWORLD?!
Grandmother: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!?!? YOU CAN'T COOK ONE DECENT DISH, SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING MARRIED INTO THE YAGYUU FAMILY *tries to attack Otae with a fan*
Otae: *stops it with a pair of chopsticks* You're here to teach me how to be a proper wife, but here you are, yelling and screaming at me, and even trying to attack me. That's not very nice ^_^
Grandmother: *thinking* OH GOD. THIS GIRL!!! SHE'S...SHE'S COMPLETELY IMMUNE TO ALL OF MY TACTICS!!!! SCARY! SCARY!! IF SHE'S MARRIED INTO THE YAGYUU FAMILY---!!!!!!!!
Grandmother: *thinking about how Koshi basically told her to scare off Otae during the bridal training XD* Koshinori-sama, I don't think this is going to work. We're going to have to do something more drastic.
Grandmother: Forget it. I've had it. Clean up this mess, but you can't throw anything away. You need to finish eating all of these so-called dishes. Perfect dogfood for a bitch like you.
Grandpapa: (recap: Kyuu's midget grandfather XD) *eating all the dishes*
Otae: Ah, Grandfather, this is dogfood ^_^
Grandmother: AHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!
Grandpapa: But we can't just throw it away D: It's kind of a waste D:
Grandmother: AS HEAD OF THE ENTIRE FAMILY, YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! AND YOU CAN'T COME HERE! THIS IS WOMEN ONLY!!!!!
Grandpapa: Don't be so stubborn. It's hard to tell who's male and who's female once you're old. Right, Tae-kun?
Otae: I'm a woman, old man.
(scene shifts to Kyuu with Nishi, Ayu, Kita, Minami, annnd Gintoki + SHinpachi + Kondo + Hijikata + Okita + Kagura. In a courtyard)
Kyuu: Then let me explain the rules.
Kyuu: Since you guys are insisting on this, then we'll use OUR rules. That good?
Gintoki: Fine. Whatever.
Kyuu: These here are plates (note: these plates are all small saucers). Please tie them anywhere you want on your persons.
Kyuu: 6-on-6 battle. You may use the entire Yagyuu family compound. As long as you're within the confines of this estate, that's fine. Whichever team gets the opposite team leader's head, wins.
Kyuu: And by head, I mean plate. If your plate gets broken, you are out of the battle. And it doesn't matter how many plates you've broken on your team. As long as your team leader's plate remains unbroken, you can still fight. That's the only rule. You may fight however you like.
Hijikata: So basically, it doesn't matter if a bunch of people are all fighting one guy, or everyone's running away from a fight .This is no different from a street brawl. LIsten up! If this was a proper duel between dojos, you guys would have the advantage, but when it comes to simply an all-out brawl, we are not going to lose.
Kyuu: This is our Yagyuu style's annual practice match. It not only helps with morale, it also provides for good practice. I'm going to show you guys that a dojo's fighting style is not as easy and dumb as you might think. I'll break all of you and your naive notion that you, with your "real" experience, can somehow beat us.
Gintoki: *TWITCH* Whatever. WE'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE IN A FIGHT.
Kondo: HEY WAIT A MINUTE, YOU SAID 6-ON-6. YOU GUYS ONLY HAVE FIVE!! LIARS!
Kagura: YEAH! CONDESCENDING!! I KNOW HOW TO COUNT, YOU LIARS!!
Kagura: ...Hey wait a minute, they only have 5. Isn't that good for us? What do we do?!
Kondo: ....Do we er, ....pretend that...we...didn't....realize that?
Kondo: I SAID NOTHING!!!!
Kyuu: Let me just warn you guys. Our team's leader isn't here. He's already hiding somewhere, waiting for you guys.
Gintoki: Then who is your---???
Ayu: We are under no obligation to tell you. You should be careful, if anything. Besides, we 5 alone will take care of all of you, so there's no need to tell who our team leader is anyway.
Gintoki/Kondo/Kagura: WHAT?!?!??!?!?!?
Kyuu: The fight starts in 20 minutes. Be sure to prepare well.
Kondo: SHUT UP! GIVE ME 10 MINUTES!
Kagura: WHO CARES! LET'S JUST KILL THEM!
(scene shifts over to Shinpachi-Kondo-and-co. team. Currently trying to come up with a strategy)
Kondo: THIS PISSES ME OFF!!!!!! *KICKS ATREE* I'M NOT HANDING OTAE-SAN OVER TO THAT ASSHOLE!
Hijikata: Er, she never was yours to begin with.
Kondo: I REALLY AM PISSED OFF!!!! LET'S JUST THROW OUR TEAM LEADER TO THE FRONT LINES!! *points at Shinpachi*
Kondo: LET'S JUST DO THAT! YEAH! EVEN IF WE DIE, IT'S OKAY!
Shinpachi: HOW IS THAT OK!?!??!? THAT'S MORE LIKE KO!!!!! Wait, then I'm the team's leader?!
Hijikata: Obviously. We're here supposedly as YOUR disciples, so there you go.
Shinpachi: But still, shouldn't we find someone who's er, stronger?
Kondo: DON'T WORRY, I'LL PROTECT YOU! BESIDES, WE HAVE LOTS TO TALK ABOUT! LIKE, SHOULD I STAY OVER AT YOUR HOUSE, OR SHOULD YOU GUYS STAY AT MY HOUSE OR---
Shinpachi: SORRY BUT PLEASE LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE ACK.
Okita: All of you be quiet. Where do you plan on tying your plates? Our standing in the game and the fight depends on it. And since Hijikata-san doesn't plan on losing, I'm going to tie his over his eye for him. (Okita basically tied the plate like an eyepatch on Hijikata XD)
Hijikata: Do you WANT me to lose an eye?
Gintoki: Don't worry about the plate so much. If it's going to break, then it's going to break. Just tie it wherever.
Gintoki: Yosh. I'm going to tie mine over here. *Ties it over Hijikata's OTHER eye XDDDD*
Hijikata: WHY ARE YOU TYING YOURS ON ME?!?!??!?!?!? THAT'S YOUR PLATE, BASTARD!
Gintoki: There! Now your character design is as dashing as Kyuubei's!
Okita: Hijikata-san, you can do it!
Hijikata: BOTH OF YOU SADISTIC BASTARDS SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Kagura: Gin-chan! I've got a great idea! I'm going to tie mine under my feet, so that way, nobody would see it, because I'm walking! See? *lifts feet up....sets it down.....the plate, obviously, breaks XD*
Kagura: .....
Kagura: Oh no ;__; My feet hurt. What'd I step on?
Gintoki: ARE YOU JOKING?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE HELL!? THE FIGHT HASN'T EVEN STARTED AND WE'RE ALREADY ONE MAN SHORT!
Kondo: WHAT DO WE DO, WHAT DO WE DO?!??!?!
Shinpachi: The fight hasn't started yet, so we can get another plate, right?
Gintoki: *at Kagura* Go get another plate, you! >O!
Hijikata: Wait.
Hijikata: We don't know what the enemy's doing. If we go off by ourselves, it could get bad. Here. Kondo-san, you're responsible for our team leader, Shinpachi, the rest four of us will divide up into groups of two and head off in different directions to see where the enemies are.
Kagura: Then I'll go with Gin-chan. I don't want to be with corrupt cops D:
Hijikata: I don't want to be with any of you. Let's go then, Sougo----
Shinpachi: Hijikata-san -__-;;; Those two sadistic freaks have already left (referring to Okita and Gintoki already going off in different directions XD)
Hijikata: .............
(scene shifts over to Hijikata with Kagura XD They're at the kitchen area)
Hijikata: Sorry to trouble you, but think you can lend us a plate?
Kitchen lady: Ara~ I didn't realize that we had such a good-looking guy and such a cute girl here! *_* Is there some kind of feast going on?
Hijikata: Yeah, sure. *gets a plate!*
Hijikata: Oi. Here you go.
Kagura: ...I don't want it. It's got a bit of soy sauce on it. Please give me another one.
Hijikata: Here. I'll use this dirty plate, and you can have mine, alright?
Kagura: I don't want to. Yours has mayonnaise on it.
Hijikata: NO, IT DOESNT!
Hijikata: DON'T BE SO STUBBORN! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BROKE YOUR PLATE SO---
Kagura: Ah! I want that one! *points at a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE plate XD*
Hijikata: HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIGHT WHEN YOU'RE TIED DOWN WITH A GIANT PLATE LIKE THAT?!
Kitchen lady: I'm sorry, but this is a very valuable plate from another planet, so I don't think I can lend it to you....
Hijikata: See?
Kagura: I don't care! D: Get me that one, or I'll break your plate too, Mayo-lover!
Hijikata: Why you little bitch----
(the smoke signal for the start of the fight is lit!)
Hijikata: Oi, we don't have time to waste now---
Kagura: I guess I'll just use your plate then :| (she's tied Hijikata's and the soy-sauce plates over her breasts XDDDDDDD)
Hijikata: !!! HEY! Hold on! That's MY plate you've got there!! (and Nishi shows up. More like...just...kind of...looms. He's a biiiiiiiiig guy XD)
Nishi: Ah, first one. *attacks*
Kagura: !!
(scene shifts to Grandpapa and Otae-san)
Grandpapa: Ah, that's it. More. Deeper. DEEEEEPPPPPER.
Otae: Please don't sexually harass me ^_^ (she's cleaning out his ear wax for him XD)
Grandpapa: We're all men here~
Otae: ...I said I am a WOMAN, stupid old guy! Say that again, and I'll break you!
Grandpapa: Oh, so you're a woman :O Then what is Kyuubei? :O
Otae: SHOULDN'T YOU KNOW YOUR OWN GRANDCHILD'S GENDER?!
Grandpapa: When you're old, it's okay to not remember. But I say, Tae-kun...
Otae: Tae-chan.
Grandpapa: I can't believe the little girl who used to play with our Kyuubei is now getting married into our family...Ahhhh deeper. Deeppppppeerrr.
Otae: If I go too deep, I might end up cleaning out something important!
Grandpapa: I think you've been through a lot. You doing okay?
Otae: Of course! I'm not going to give up. How else would I be your daughter-in law? (more like granddaughter in-law XD)
Grandpapa: Really? You are always smiling, Tae-kun. It's hard to tell what you're really thinking.
Grandpapa: maybe you don't really want to get married. Or do you like someone else?
Grandpapa: Just say it~ Are you hiding something---
Otae: NOTHING!
Grandpapa: Is that so? ...I've always thought that you would still hang onto what happened then....
Otae: ...
Grandpapa: In any case, both of you have my support. *leaves!*
Otae: ? Where are you going?
Grandpapa: *ties something to his head -- a plate! Yep, he's the Yagyuu team's leader :O* Seems like there's trouble.
Grandpapa: I'm going over to take a look.
(scene shifts to the kitchen where currently, Nish, Minami, AND Kita are all fighting Kagura D:)
Kagura: OOF!
Nishi: Tch. I didn't get the plate. But---
Kita: *attacks from under water!* Don't think you can run from us.
Minami: *yet another attack on Kagura* Gotcha~
Okita: Oi. The person who's allowed to beat up that girl, is me. *BEATS MINAMI OVER THE HEAD XD*
Minami: OOF OWWW.
Nishi: Mina---!!!!! *BOOM!* (the kitchen behind Nishi went....well, BOOM)
Kagura: ow ow ow....
Okita: Hijikata-san, what's up with that big plate of yours? (Hijikata doesn't have a plate, since Kagura has his, so he ties that biiiiiiiig and expensive one on himself XDDDDDD )
Hijikata: Let's just call this my one and only concession in this fight.
Chapters 114-116 here
...So that means more Gintama translations for now XD; Yagyuu Kyuubei arc! Otae is getting married!? Wait what?! So of course guys have to go and fight.
Chapters 110-113 for now. More to come the next couple of days.
chapter 110
(scene opens where Otae-san works bar/host club/you get the idea)
Women who work there: Welcome!
Women: Ah!
Women: Wahhhh~~~! It's Hijikata-san! It's Hijikata-san!
Random woman A: It's not Kondo that's visiting today! It's Hijikata-san!
Random woman B: Hijikata-san~~! Please be sure to request me!
Waiter/Emcee/Receptionist person: ....Hijikata-san, which lady would you like?
Hijikata: ...............
Otae: So, why are you here? I thought Kondo had finally learned some manners, but now it's you who's visiting?
Otae: Shinsengumi must lead a comfortable life! Using tax-payers' money and coming to places like this, hmm?
Hijikata: It's not because I want to be here.
Otae: Oh yeah. Does Kondo-san know about this?
Hijikata: About what?
Otae: About us. And our relationship.
Hijikata: .....what relationship?!
Otae: I can see how being so popular is a problem. The superior and his subordinate are fighting for the same woman. This is like a soap opera.
Hijikata: Oi. Don't make up weird stories like that. I'm only here to--
Otae: But I'm not THOSE kind of women! If this relationship won't pan out like Monday night dramas, I am going to refuse!
Hijikata: You misunderstood why I came here.
Otae: *completely ignores and keeps going on about dramas XD* But looking at your face...You seem more like a Sunday night drama kind of guy. Or maybe Saturday night mayonnaise detective.
Hijikata: Who you calling a mayonnaise detective?!
Hijikata: Look, in any case, what about Kondo-san? Is he a Monday night drama kinda face, or "I've-proposed-too-many-times" kind of face?
Otae: I think he's more of a Tuesday night crime drama corpse.
Otae: *FINALLY GETS IT* ..Hijikata-san, don't tell me you're here for Kondo-san's sake...
All of Shinsengumi (minus Okita and Kondo), lead by Yamazaki: OTAE SAN!!!! PLEASE MARRY OUR COMMANDER AND BE OUR NEE-SAN!
Otae: Ehhh? Are you guys threatening me?
Hijikata: ........Well, actually. Lately, people have been meaning to set Kondo-san up for marriage.
Hijikata: He's really close to 30, and the Bakufu wants him to think about his future, so they're encouraging ((note: more like setting him up - an arranged marriage)) him to get married. And not to mention, since you're always rejecting him, he's getting really desperate. It's gotten to the point where as long as it's a woman, that's fine with him.
Otae: Is that so? Then that's great! He won't come and stalk me! And this way Kondo-san will have a loving wife too. Everyone would be happy!
Hijikata: *shows her a photo* Oh yeah. I'm sure. The woman (referring to the one that the bakufu had in mind for Kondo) is after all, the Gorilla Planet's Princess Barbaruth. Quite a match. (note: THIS IS AN ACTUAL GORILLA XDDDDDD)
Otae: Wow! They look so alike! What a match! A match made in heaven!
Yamazaki: NEESAN! PLEASE TAKE A CLOSER LOOK! THERE ARE VERY SLIGHT DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HER AND KONDO-SAN! SHE IS ACTUALLY A GORILLA!!!
Yamazaki: Please, Nee-san! Do something! Otherwise, we're going to end up calling that freak "neesan" for the rest of our lives! ONLY YOU CAN STOP THIS D:!
Otae: Don't worry so much! They say that hairy women are very emotional and sensitive. I'm sure she'll make a good wife.
Yamazaki: SHE'S NOT JUST A LITTLE HAIRY! SHE'S VERY VERY HAIRY!
Yamazaki: *bowing now XD* Everything you've said is correct, Nee-san! But we don't want you to necessarily marry Kondo-san, just talk to him! We're begging you now. PLEASE. Someone like Nee-san would surely understand how heavy-hearted we feel about all this----
Otae: *picks up Yamazaki by his head XDDDD* Heavy? You said heavy?
Otae: *throws Yamazaki XD* I THINK YOUR BRAINS ARE FILLED WITH LEFT OVER TOFU >O
Otae: GOD YOU GUYS ARE ANNOYING!
Club owner: Otae-san! That's the wrong approach! That'll only encourage the stalkers!!!!
Hijikata: *while Shinsengumi is getting beaten up by Otae-san, he's on the cellphone with Kondo XDDDDD* Oi, Kondo-san. I don't think this plan will work. You're just gonna have to tough it out.
Hijikata: *still on the phone* Wait what? Women saying no actually means yes? Nono, I think this is a definite no on her part. Oh, by the way, next time, don't tell me to run your errands for you.
((annnnd mystery person shows up! This is Yagyuu Kyuubei, btw. I'll call them Kyuu for short since lolz long name is long))
Shinsengumi: *surprised at this sudden entrance!* !!!!
Shinsengumi: Who're you!?
Kyuu: All you men targeting a single woman? Isn't that too much? What kind of samurais are you?
Shinsengumi: WAIT WHAT?! IF ANYTHING, IT'S MORE LIKE OTAE-SAN IS BEATING US UP! And we're definitely samurais!
Kyuu: You guys can't lay a hand on her. She's very important to me.
Shinsengumi: *PISSED* WHAT?! FOR A SHORTIE, YOU SURE TALK BIG!
Hijikata: Shut up. Come on, let's go. No point in us staying here. Oh, and kid (referring to Kyuu), are you even legal? Get outta here.
Kyuu: What did you just call me?
Kyuu: I'm not---
Kyuu: *tries to attack Hijikata, but Hijikata barely manages to block at the last minute* a kid.
Hijikata: *TWITCH*
Kyuu: I'm Yagyuu Kyuubei.
Otae: Eh? Kyuu-chan?!
(scene shifts to Gintoki, Shinpachi and Kagura, currently fixing up a roof)
Gintoki: Eh? Your sister didn't come home until this morning?
Shinpachi: Yeah. Because of her work, she always comes up the next morning. But she came home later than usual today. And she didn't even say hi. Just changed her clothes, and left again.
Gintoki: Shinpachi, at this point, just go cook your own red bean rice quietly. (I'm assuming this is some sort of a slang or custom? Basically it means like, telling Shinpachi to like, take care of himself since his sister is probably going to be married off or something XD )
Shinpachi: DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT!
Shinpachi: Before she's actually married, I'm not going to do that! I'll get slapped, anyway! She doesn't even have anyone in mind right now for marriage! SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME IF I DO THAT!
Shinapchi: I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. NOPE. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
Gintoki: You really love your sister a little too much, Shinpachi. You know, legally, you're not supposed to get married to your sister. She can finally get rid of you as a burden and enter the real world where women belong!
Gintoki: THEN AS HER BROTHER, YOU WILL NEED TO COOK RED BEAN WITH RICE. ...And do it while crying!
Kagura: GIN-CHAN! When I grow up, will I be able to eat red bean with rice?!
Gintoki: You can only eat red bean bread.
Gintoki: OKAY! Lunch time!
Kagura: ;____; It's red bean bread again! We've been eating that for that past 2,3 days! D:
Shinpachi: *semi-sniffling* Dammit ;__; who's---IS ANEUE REALLY---?!?!?
Shinpachi: *looks down and sees Kondo!* EH?! KONDO-SAN?! ...DON'T TELL ME---HE'S GOING TO---BE WITH THAT GORILLA? (Gintoki and co. are repairing a roof of an important restaurant some kind, and so yeah XD)
Kondo: Hmm?
Police chief (gah, sorry. I can't remember/find his name, but he doesn't show up here much): Kondo, what are you doing?
Kondo: Hmm? Oh, er, nothing. I just thought someone called out my name.
Police chief: Oi, be strong, you. Are you nervous? But I guess that can't be helped. This is your first time being set up like this, right?
Police chief: Actually, I met my wife through an arranged marriage as well. God I was nervous. But she was prettier than her picture, so I was really happy.
Police chief: So pictures are not reliable, Kondo. I know in her picture, she looks like a gorilla. But her facial structure is just different LIKE a gorilla's, that's all.
Kondo: You say "like" a gorilla. It IS a gorilla. I think she IS a gorilla!
Police chief: Nono, she's probably just nervous, and so was kind of panting while they took the picture---
Kondo: PANTING BECAUSE SHE'S NERVOUS?! THAT'S TOO MUCH! WHY'S SHE SO HAIRY!? HOW CAN SOMEONE PANT LIKE THAT?!
Police Chief (PC for short) : Kondo, I'll be honest with you. This is an important political marriage. Earth and the Gorilla Planet can never get along, so we'll need you to solve this.
PC: It all depends on you, Kondo. You hold Earth's fate in your hands. I arranged for us to meet at this fancy restaurant, so don't screw it up.
Kondo: You might say that, but..... ....>.> That's a gorilla.
PC: And that's why I say you shouldn't care so much about the picture! I bet she's three times more beautiful than you can ever imagine. Now come on, let's go.
(..........ANNNND THEY COME FACE TO FACE WITH A GIANT FEMALE GORILLA IN A KIMONO XDDDDDD)
Kondo: I THINK THIS IS MORE LIKE SHE'S 3 TIMES BIGGER THAN I CAN EVER IMAGINE!
(Otae and Kyuu pass by Kondo + gorilla, heading toward another part of the restaurant)
Otae: ...?
Kyuu: What's wrong, Tae-chan?
Otae: Nothing. I thought I just saw a gorilla just now.
Kyuu: You're saying silly things again. You're still that interesting.
(scene shifts back to Kondo + Gorilla princess XD )
Kondo: ...so...er...princess Barbaruth! What kind of um, hobbies do you have...????
Gorilla: UWAH!
Kondo: ...OH! That's um...that's great! That's just as fun as um...PSHU PSHU or DON DON, huh? ....But er...if you...um, over...do it? It'll be bad for your shoulder! Oh..Um...or maybe you're saying it doesn't hurt your shoulder???? .....SO HOW ABOUT SOME VEGETABLES????
Kondo: *thinking* CRAP. I don't understand a word she's saying!
Kondo: *thinking* ...Does she even understand what I'm saying?! Am I overthinking things? She's starting to look pissed.
Kondo: *thinking* I can't tell if she's getting angry, or....???? SHIT. IF THIS CONTINUES, EARTH IS GOING TO GET DESTROYED. Oh no! I'm too nervous, and now I really have to go crap!
Kondo: *thinking* WHAT DO I DO, WHAT DO I DO?!??! How can I do this without being completely undiplomatic?!?!?!? Ah, I know! I'll ALSO say UWAH! Maybe with a hand gesture too? That'll be fine, right???????
Kondo: um, UWAH! *POINTS OUTSIDE* Translation into Gorilla language: Want to go on a walk with me? ((ohhhh, poor Kondo-san))
Kondo: EH!?!? WHY'S SHE FOLLOWING ME OUTSIDE?!?!? OH NO! THIS IS BAD!
(scene shifts to Kyuu and Otae)
Otae: It really has been a long time. I heard from your grandfather that you went on a trip to become a samurai. I didn't think you would come back. You should've told me sooner.
Kyuu: Nobody knows I'm back yet. I came straight for you.
Otae: um....
Kyuu: I really wanted to see you.
Kyuu: *CLINGS to Otae*
Otae: H-Hey!
Kyuu: Do you remember that promise back then? I kept my end of the promise, and I became stronger, and came back. Now it's your turn, Tae-chan.
(scene shifts outside in the restaurant's courtyard, and the gorilla princess has been knocked out by a large brick XD)
Kondo: PRINCESS!!! WHAT'S GOING ON??!??! WHY ARE BRICKS FALLING?!???!?!?
Gintoki: Ah, sorry. My hand slipped.
Kagura: OH! There are TWO gorillas! :O
Kondo: SHIT! ((.....and he kinda...er........crapped in his pants. OTL))
(scene shifts back to Otae and Kyuu, and Kyuu just kissed Otae)
Chapter 111
Shinpachi: We've fixed all we can, and if there are any more leaks, please be sure to let us know!
Shinpachi: Wow, we got paid a lot this time. I think I'll go buy some Haggan-Daz for Aneue. Haha, I must've been overthinking things. Why would Aneue bring home some stranger random guy home, right? That's just not possible and not like her. *walking along*
Otae: Hey, stop that--
Shinpachi: *passes by the section of the restaurant where Otae and Kyuu are, and sees them kissing OH DEAR GOD*
Otae: I SAID STOP IT! *pushes Kyuu away* What--what do you think you're doing??!
Shinpachi + Otae + Kyuu, all just staring at each other : ..................................
(scene shifts to Gorilla princess, Gintoki, Kagura, annnd Kondo. Gorilla has a giant bump on her head XD)
Kondo: PRINCESS! ARE YOU OKAY!??!?!?!?
Kondo:*thinking* SHIT SHIT!!!! She must be really pissed! And I can't believe I...that...in my pants!
Gintoki: OIIIII. What are you doing here, anyway?
Kondo: *thinking* And I can't believe THESE people are here too!
Kagura: Don't tell me you got so desperate, you're going out with a real gorilla?
Gintoki: Hey, that's too mean. Jokes should have a limit too. I bet that's his brother.
Kondo: *thinking* I MUST NOT ADMIT THAT I'M GETTING SET UP WITH A GORILLA, AND THAT...MY...THAT...AND MY PANTS!
Kondo: O--Oi! Don't joke like that! She's um...She's my pet!
Gintoki: Pet? Really? That big one!?
Kondo: Um, see. She was looking at me really sadly from the shop window, so I bought her. *thinking* OH GOD. I'M SO SORRY, PRINCESS. BUT THIS IS WHERE OUR LANGUAGE BARRIER IS A GOOD THING
Kagura: *jumps onto the gorilla and trying to force feed it something XD* Awww~ Come on! Eat this!
Kondo: HEY! DON'T JUST RANDOMLY TRY TO FEED HER!
Kagura: :O These are red beans! :O
Kondo: WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING TO PRINCESS?!??!
Gintoki: WHat do you mean, Princess?!
Kondo: HUH?! NO! THAT'S ER, THAT'S HER NAME! PRINCESS!
Kondo: In any case, she's clearly very full. Look! She's spitting it all out! Stop feeding her plea---
Gintoki: *SMACKS THE GORILLA XD* HOW DARE YOU WASTE FOOD!
Kondo: HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Kondo: COME ON! Stop fooling around, you two!
Kagura: Man, she's spoiled :x
Kondo: OKAY OKAY, I GET IT! I'LL GO HOME AND DISCIPLINE HER! NOW BOTH OF YOU LEAVE!
Kondo: *thinking* Oh no. If we stay here any longer, who knows what the princess would do! *at Gintoki and Kagura* Okay, we were going for a walk, so we have to go now----!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gintoki: Eh? What's that?
Kagura: Ah, shit :O (note: ...literally XD;;;;;;;;;;)
Kondo: ..........DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDX!!!! *thinking* OH NO! THESE STYLES OF KIMONOS...THEY'RE LOOSE AND SO--- IT FELL OUT!!!
Gintoki: Um, I think it fell out of your pants.
Kagura: You even kicked it a bit.
Kondo: ER....PRINCESS!!! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO NOT JUST RANDOMLY DO YOUR BUSINESS ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE! *throws the gorilla XD*
Kondo: Gah, what am I going to do about this. She does this all the time, you know.
Gintoki: No, it fell out of YOUR pants.
Kondo: OI! Sakata! How dare you say that ! I'm a man of almost 30 years of age!
Kagura: But look :O There's a trail of it behind you :O
Kondo: !!! UM, UM. You misunderstood! These are left over crackers, and we're just, um, laying them down as markers so we won't get lost.
Gintoki: I think you're already lost in the maze that is known as life.
Gorilla: RAWWWWWRRRRR
(scene shifts to Shinpachi, Otae and Kyuu)
Otae: Ah, Shin-chan! Um, please, let me explain....Um, this is...um...
Shinpachi: ......WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU TWO ARE DOING?!?!?!?!?!??!
Shinpachi: YOU BASTARD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER?!?! *grabs Kyuu by the collar*
Otae: SHIN-CHAN!
Kyuu: Oh, YOU're Shinpachi? I see you're still clinging to your sister.
Kyuu: *throws Shinpachi across the room* You should learn to be more independent.
Otae: SHIN CHAN!
Kyuu: It's time to leave. Look at yourself. Because you're in that sorry state, your sister's afraid to leave.
Shinpachi: !!! Why you---
Shinpachi: ...You're Kyuubei---- You're Yagyuu Kyuubei! You just show up randomly, and then say some weird stuff about leaving?! What are you babbling about!?!??
Kyuu: That's exactly what I'm saying.
Kyuu: You didn't know? Tae-chan and I already made a promise when we were kids, that we are going to get married. She's my fiancee, and I'm going to bring her home today.
Shinpachi: WHAT?!?!?!?
Kyuu: You don't understand. She never belonged to you. She belongs with me. And you have no business to interfere.
Shinpachi: He's lying! Babbling about childhood promises--- Hey! Say something, aneue!
Shinpachi: ...Aneue....? (Otae is looking really really sad D: )
Shinpachi: ANEUE! WHY ARE YOU NOT SAYING ANYTHING?!
Otae: Shin-chan. I'm sorry...I....
Shinpachi: ANEUE!! WHY--- ANEUE!!
(ANNNND A LOUD BOOM XD Gorilla, Kondo, Gintoki, and Kagura crashes into the room XD)
Kondo: OH GOD IT HURTS.
Gintoki: HEY! Do something!! I THOUGHT SHE WAS YOUR PET.
Kondo: Nono!! SHe's actually a princess!! X____X!!!
Kondo/Gintoki/Kagura: Eh!? Otae-san!?
Gintoki: Are we interrupting?
Otae: .....Everyone..... Good bye. ((....and she's crying and leaving D: ))
Kondo + Kagura + Gintoki: .......................??!?!?!?!?!
Gintoki: Oi. *grabs Otae by the shoulder but OOPS, ANGRY GORILLA IS ON THE LOOSE AGAIN*
Kondo: SHIT! PRINCESS IS COMING OVER! Everybody, apologize to her first!!!!
Kyuu: *carries Otae off!*
Shinpachi: ANEUE!!!!
Kondo: NONO!! YOU SAY UWAH! NOT ANEUE!!!
(scene shifts to Shinsengumi headquarters, with Okita and Hijikata)
Hijikata: Haa~~ Dammit, and this was a new sword too. (it has a slight crack, due to him blocking Kyuu's attack)
Okita: You lost, didn't you, Hijikata-san?
Hijikata: I didn't lose. There's just a slight crack.
Okita: Was it because of that guy at the Yoruzuya? You must've lost. Yep.
Hijikata: I didn't lose. As long as I say I didn't lose, I didn't lose.
Okita: Wow, as expected of the great Hijikata-san. He lost, and he's still this stubborn. I'm so envious of your shamelessness.
Hijikata: Since this sword is kinda useless right now, I might as well use it to chop of your head. How's that.
Okita: Hijikata-san, I think if if that guy was actually serious, we would've been in some serious trouble. That guy...he's called Yagyuu something.
Okita: The Yagyuu family is a family of generals and military leaders. But ever since the Amanto's arrival, Kendo's been dwindling. Yet a lot of people still join up with their dojo to learn their technique. Yagyuu Kyuubei is the next family leader, and although he's short and looks like a kid, he's actually very fast on his feet, and they call him the strongest thus far in the family.
Okita: But for those who only study within the confines of the dojo, compared to us, we should have the advantage, seeing as how we fight real battles. But guess we country folk are just not as good as them~~
Hijikata: *TWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH XDDDD*
Okita: But in any case, I guess in both kendo and in love.... if he is indeed Otae-san's fiance, then I guess Kondo-san's pretty much beat.
Hijikata: Sougo, don't underestimate Kondo. I'm sure he'll be fine. I've always admired how he's always gung-ho, and makes sure that whatever he does, he'll succeed.
Okita: ...But what if he really succeeds? What if we have to call that Gorilla our nee-san????
(scene shifts to two men in the rain, standing outside a dojo, then shifts again to the Yoruzuya)
Gintoki: Shinpachi didn't show up again today. Geez, I should just fire him.
Kagura: Gin-chan, is it true that anego (affectionate term for "sister"; Kagura uses it to refer to Otae-san) isn't coming back? She sent a letter saying something about she's not coming back and she has bridal lessons...
Gintoki: Yeah. If you're going to get married off to a family like Yagyuu's, you have to learn a lot of things. Eh well. Although I have no clue what the hell's going on, if it's a promise, then it's a promise. Besides, now their dojo's saved.
Kagura: Gin-chan...My mommy once said that you would only smile when you first get married. Not many people can keep smiling. But if you can, then you've had a good life. But....Anego...can she really keep smiling...? *thinking back to how Otae's crying and saying good bye to all of them*
Kagura: I think she's hiding something! She must! It's my intuition!
Gintoki: Idiot. Anyone can tell she's hiding something. You don't need intuition for that. But still, it's clear that it's her own choice.
Gintoki: So of course she would keep smiling and--- *thinks back also to when Otae was crying and saying good-bye* ....TCH.
Gintoki: Dammit, why'd you let us see you off like that?
(scene shifts to outside the dojo aka Yagyuu's house)
Random guards: HEY. Who the hell are you? You wanna join up with our dojo? Sorry. This is the Yagyuu's private home. We're damn famous people, so if you want to join, you can't just be small-fries.
Random guards: Or are you guys here to make trouble (here taken to mean overthrowing the Yagyuu dojo; a challenge, duel, etc from one dojo to another. Big serious stuff D: ), and trying to take down the dojo? You better not, we're the Yagyuu---
Shinpachi and Kondo: Ehhhhh? What do you mean, we're here to make trouble??? >:DDDDDDDDD *KICKS THE GUARDS DOWN XD*
A whole load of people, supporters/students of the Yagyuu family: ENEMY!! WHO ARE THEY!? HOW DARE THEY!!!!
Shinpachi: I AM TENDOU MUSHINRYUU (note: The "ryuu" here is taken to mean like, one dojo's style/technique. A pun/joke is based on this later, so XD;) DOJO'S MASTER! SHIMURA SHINPACHI!
Kondo: AND I'M HIS DISCIPLE GORILLA ISAO!
Kondo and Shinpachi: WE'RE HERE TO CHALLENGE THE SO-CALLED NUMBER ONE YAGYUU DOJO! .......Even though we're really not that interested in actually doing that and that's not exactly why we're here....buuuuuuuutt.......
Shinpachi: GIVE ME BACK MY SISTER! >O *kicks down a bunch of people*
Kondo: GIVE US BACK OTAE-SAN!!!!
Random supporters/students of the Yagyuu dojo: ASSHOLES! TAKE THEM DOWN! >O
(and a bunch of people just made an entrance!)
Everyone: !!!!
Supporters of the Yagyuu dojo: NOW WHO THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?!
Gintoki: Sorry. Not just the two of them.
Gintoki: Shinpachi, just for today, we're also your disciple. >| ((Kagura, Okita, Hijikata are also here))
Hijikata: Then what are we, the Natural-Perm-Ryuu dojo?
Shinpachi: Gin-san! Kagura-chan! O_O!!!!
Kondo: YOU GUYS?!?!?!?!
Chapter 112
(scene shifts to Kyuu and older Yagyuu, the father. Father = Koshinori. Koshi for short)
Koshi: I say, Kyuubei...I'm really disappointed in you. Three years ago, you left for your studies. I thought this meant you would help bring the Yagyuu back into glory, but instead, you came running back, and brought a girl with you!? You wanna marry her?
Koshi: What have you been doing these past 3 years? Looking for a wife?!
Kyuu: Forgive me for being direct, Father--
Koshi: BE QUIET! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO NOT CALL ME FATHER!
Koshi: CALL ME PAPA! OR DADDY!
Koshi: Kyuubei, we Yagyuu have always served under the generals of this country. I've told you many times that because of that, you need to be careful in everything you do. Also, we need to make sure to pass down the Yagyuu's pure bloodline. See I have a Persian cat here??? I don't like them, but they are pure D: (...btw, Koshi = midget, so ...this is all...kind of hilarious XD)
Koshi: Otae-chan really is cute, but she's just a country dojo master's daughter. She's not fit to be married into the Yagyuu family. Do you want us to go extinct?! Do you---
Koshi: Ah, Papa-sama, you're back (refering to Koshi's father, aka Kyuu's GRANDfather. Also a midget. A short little old man XDDDDD)
Koshi: PAPA-SAMA?!?!??!? What are you doing with all that junk! I told you not to go collect those things! ((Kyuu's grandfather is carrying a truck load of ....trash and junk XDDDDDDD))
Grandpapa: But this is kind of a sad waste if all of these get thrown out.
Koshi: IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF WASTE! WE'RE THE YAGYUU FAMILY! WE CAN'T DO THAT!!!
Grandpapa: It's okay. We'll keep these here. They'll be useful. Eventually.
Koshi: I don't think they'll ever be useful -____-;;;;;;;;
Grandpapa: See? You're always complaining about that one rag that always falls off the sink, right? Use this suction cup thing.
Koshi: THAT'S TOO BIG!!!
Grandpapa: And look at THIS! Didn't grandmother say something about wanting a scarf?
Koshi: WHAT KIND OF DEAD THING IS THAT?!
Kyuu: ....*leaves*
Koshi: Ah, Kyuubei! Don't leave! I wasn't done talking---
Kyuu: Father. If you don't believe me, and what I've been doing these past three years, fight me, then you'll see what I mean. People can change for the better, if they really want to protect something. I couldn't protect someone, and that's why I went on that trip, Compared to you, Father, who protects something formless and useless like a family's glory....I think I would have the advantage.
Koshi: ....Papa (referring to himself, not the grandfather. GOD, too many papas XD) wasn't talking about that. I was talking about how you should---
Kyuu: Father, just protect what Grandfather holds dear, and that's fine. I need to protect the people I care about. I swore to my left eye (Yagyuu wears an eyepatch over the left eye, in case you didn't know XD;)
Koshi: that's NOT what I meant! I was saying ---
Guards: KOSHINORI-SAMA!!!
(scene shifts to Gintoki, Hijikata, Okita, Kagura, Shinpachi annnd Kondo fighting all the supporters of the Yagyuu dojo. And doing very well)
Supporters of Yagyuu: UWAHHHH!! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! TOO STRONG! TOO STRONG!!!
Gintoki: SHINPACHI! I'm going to deduct this from your paycheck! Running off and doing your own things?! TSK.
Kagura: YEAH! I can't believe you ran off and was doing something THIS fun!! You should've said something!
Kondo: YOU GUYS! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW SHINPACHI IS FEELING, AND YOU DARE TO SAY THAT?! Don't you know that Shinpachi didn't want to drag you into this?!
Gintoki: SHUT UP, GORILLA! I BET THIS WAS ALL YOUR IDEA!!!
Kondo: WE CAME HERE BECAUSE WE BELIEVED IN OURSELVES! WE KNEW THAT OTAE-SAN CAME HERE OUT OF HER OWN FREE WILL TOO. BUT! ALTHOUGH I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY OR HOW, BUT NEITHER OF US CAN AGREE TO SEE OFF OTAE-SAN CRYING LIKE THAT! Maybe she doesn't want to do this! Maybe she doesn't want other people to worry! SO WE'RE HERE! AND WE WANT TO SEE OTAE-SAN! >O!
Kondo: This kind of fight has nothing to do with justice or whatever! So we would never drag you guys in! ....*at Okita and Hijikata* SO WHY ARE YOU TWO HERE?!?!?!?
Hijikata: Kondo-san. Don't worry. I came here out of my own free will too. I owe Yagyuu something, so I'm only here to pay them back double. Besides, today's my day off.
Okita: Kondo-san, I'm also here out of my own free will. If we let this continue, we'll have to call a gorilla our nee-san. So I decided to slack off and come here.
Kondo: YOU REALLY ARE SELF-INTERESTED!
Okita: D:? Eh? But Kondo-san is also here slacking off---
Kondo: I CALLED IN MANY SICK DAYS FOR THIS!
Shinpachi: ...Gin-san. If you want to say that I love my sister too much, that's fine. I do love my sister very much. I don't want to leave her side. But...
Shinpachi: If she's going to leave with a man she truly loves. Whether that man is someone who's lazy and always late with paying rent, or a guy who looks like a gorilla and is a stalker, or a crazy mayo lov er, or a sadistic freak, or a madao, or a guy with hemorrhoids, as long as Aneue is happy, that's okay. I already know that. I'm prepared to cook red bean with rice for the rest of of my life. I don't care if I'll end up being a wuss who's crying about it, but still.
Shinpachi: T___T If I have to see my sister cry like that, I can't just do nothing T________T I just want to see her always smiling. I guess that's siblings for you.
Kagura: *walks by* Gin-chan, if anego really likes that midget, then aren't we being the bad guys?
Gintoki: Eh. We're used to doing that. And screwing things up.
Gintoki: Just remember though, Shinpachi. We're not here for justice or whatever. We're not here for your sister. We're your friends.
Hijikata: Let's get one thing straight. I'm not your friend. I just happen to be here.
Okita: Isn't that nice? He's pretending to be like that, so he can be your friend :O You should be careful of him :|
Kondo: *hand on Shinpachi's shoulder* Even though we're not really "friend" friends, but maybe with the 6 of us, we can take down the Yagyuu dojo. Right, brother?
Shinpachi: .....Who you calling brother?
(scene shifts to inside the Yagyuu family/dojo/compound, where a couple of guys are eating lunch. They are: kita oojiitsuki (kita), minami tosui (minami), nishi notsukamu (nishi), and toujyou ayumu (ayu) )
Minami : Did you hear? The head (referring to Kyuu) brought back a girl. She's there at grandmother's right now for special bridal training.
Minami: I've already had to comfort so many of the maids that got traumatized by that old wench. Oh, Kita, don't you think you're adding too much ketchup?
Kita: Didn't you know? Ketchup goes with everything.
Minami: I think it's disgusting. Quit adding so much of that stuff.
Kita: I think you're disgusting. You look like male genitals (.....I'm sadly not kidding about that translation =_=;;;;)
Minami: WHAT?!
Nishi: Stop it, you guys. You're being immature.
Minami: I DON'T WANT TO GET CRITICIZED BY SOME GUY WHO'S STILL EATING KIDS MEAL!
Nishi: SHUT UP, PENIS! YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A PENIS!
Minami: AHHHH!??!? WHICH PART, HUH!? WHICH PART?!?!?!?
Ayu: Be quiet, all of you. We're suppose to be eating. Why are we so hot-headed? But in any case, I'm glad the head has finally decided to marry. These three years have been good for you. We should let him choose whatever he wants to do, and we'll just follow and support him the best we can. Perhaps that's not exactly fair to the girl, but..... *he's currently cracking an egg over a pile of rice*
*egg yolk does NOT stay still, of course*
*complete silence*
Nishi: ...Yeah. I guess that's that girl's destiny.
Ayu: .... ....DAMN IT I'M PISSED OFF!!!!!!!
Nishi: Toujyou-san!?!??!
Ayu: THE YOLK!! THE YOLK!! I THOUGHT I SAID I WANTED FRESH EGGS!! THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO THE SUPERMARKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Minami: Please calm down, Toujyou-san! It's just food!
Ayu: WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK, YOU, WHOSE ENTIRE BODY LOOKS LIKE A PENIS!!! >O!
Minami: WHAT?! Now my whole BODY is one?!?!?!?
Kagura: *gets hit with the bowl of rice with raw egg yolk D:* ...... :x
Okita: Hey, eggs are falling off of you. What, is it that time of the month?
Kagura: *grabs Okita and throws him across the room*
Hijikata: Yep. That was definitely Sougo at fault.
Okita: Ow! What's wrong with you------ *Nishi, Ayu, Kita and Minami all their swords pointing at Okita*
Okita: :O
Ayu: Ah, so you guys finally showed up. You think with the 6 of you, you can beat us? My, my. Such audacity.
Ayu: But enough games. Afterall, we are the ones charged specifically with protecting the Yagyuu family....
Kita: I'm Kita Oojitsuki
Minami: Minami Tosui.
Nishi: Nishi Notsukamu.
Ayu: And I'm Toujyou Ayumu. Since you've dared to challenge the Yagyuu top 4, don't expect to leave here alive.
Gintoki: Huh? We're not here to fight you guys. Where's your head?
Minami: You guys are just filthy trash. You can't just go in and see the head. You don't even have the right to challenge us. Throw away your weapons *grabs Okita and holding sword to Sougo's throat* Or he'll---
Shinpachi, Kagura, Gintoki, Hijikata, Kondo: *ALL THROW THEIR SWORDS RIGHT AT OKITA AND MINAMI LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE XD*
Minami, Ayu, Kita, Nishi: OI!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!? *all dodging and running in different directions XD*
Gintoki: You told us to throw it away.
Minami: WHAT KIND OF "THROWING IT AWAY" WAS THAT??!!??! DON'T YOU SEE THE HOSTAGE!?!?!?
Hijikata: Sorry, but that guy (referring to Okita) isn't worth it, even as a hostage. Just kill him.
Kagura: AHAHAHAHHAHAA
Okita: BOTH OF YOU------!!!!!
Kita: Toujyou-san, let me get rid of them--
Kyuu: Stop it, all of you.
Kyuu: They are friends of my wife. Don't be so rude.
Kyuu: You guys are here. I can't believe you're this stubborn, Shinpachi.
Shinpachi: ...I'm not here as a younger brother. I'm here as the head master of the dojo. Shimura Tae is an important disciple, and so, if you're going to take her away from us, you should've came and "negotiated" with me.
Kyuu: ...Negotiate?
Kondo: You know kendo, and you know exactly what we're talking about. Samurais don't talk it over. We settle things with our swords.
Okita: Yep! You die and live by the sword! And so--
Hijikata: Even if it's a woman, you fight it out with your swords.
Kagura: COME ON AND FIGHT >O!
Kyuu: Fight? Hehe. My Yagyuu technique versus your country run-down dojo's style? Please. We already know who'd win that.
Gintoki: OF COURSE WE HAVE TO FIGHT~ Even though here in OUR dojo, we all hate each other, and want the next guy dead, and we don't know each other very well, but about fights, we are VERY knowledgeable.
Chapter 113
(scene shifts to the grandmother, currently with Otae-san, teaching her how to cook and be a proper wife and all that. But of course, we all know Otae-san can only make those...egg...like.....things.... )
Grandmother: ....Tae-san, what exactly is this?
Otae: Fried eggs ^_^
Grandmother: ........
Otae: I've always been really talented with eggs! I think I've reached the limit, I don't think I can improve any further. But I've tried to listen to your suggestions, and wowwww, I can't believe I've invented such a thing! It's wonderful! My signature dishes have increased, but I'm still not very good with fish. I think we need more fire. Teach me more, Grandmother!
Grandmother: ARE YOU TRYING TO SET MY KITCHEN ON FIRE?!??!!??!????!?!?
Otae: Ah, well-said. Every kitchen holds a fiery place in a young wife's heart.
Grandmother: THIS IS BURNT! COMPLETELY BURNT!! IT'S A CORPSE! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, THE UNDERWORLD?!
Grandmother: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!?!? YOU CAN'T COOK ONE DECENT DISH, SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING MARRIED INTO THE YAGYUU FAMILY *tries to attack Otae with a fan*
Otae: *stops it with a pair of chopsticks* You're here to teach me how to be a proper wife, but here you are, yelling and screaming at me, and even trying to attack me. That's not very nice ^_^
Grandmother: *thinking* OH GOD. THIS GIRL!!! SHE'S...SHE'S COMPLETELY IMMUNE TO ALL OF MY TACTICS!!!! SCARY! SCARY!! IF SHE'S MARRIED INTO THE YAGYUU FAMILY---!!!!!!!!
Grandmother: *thinking about how Koshi basically told her to scare off Otae during the bridal training XD* Koshinori-sama, I don't think this is going to work. We're going to have to do something more drastic.
Grandmother: Forget it. I've had it. Clean up this mess, but you can't throw anything away. You need to finish eating all of these so-called dishes. Perfect dogfood for a bitch like you.
Grandpapa: (recap: Kyuu's midget grandfather XD) *eating all the dishes*
Otae: Ah, Grandfather, this is dogfood ^_^
Grandmother: AHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!
Grandpapa: But we can't just throw it away D: It's kind of a waste D:
Grandmother: AS HEAD OF THE ENTIRE FAMILY, YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! AND YOU CAN'T COME HERE! THIS IS WOMEN ONLY!!!!!
Grandpapa: Don't be so stubborn. It's hard to tell who's male and who's female once you're old. Right, Tae-kun?
Otae: I'm a woman, old man.
(scene shifts to Kyuu with Nishi, Ayu, Kita, Minami, annnd Gintoki + SHinpachi + Kondo + Hijikata + Okita + Kagura. In a courtyard)
Kyuu: Then let me explain the rules.
Kyuu: Since you guys are insisting on this, then we'll use OUR rules. That good?
Gintoki: Fine. Whatever.
Kyuu: These here are plates (note: these plates are all small saucers). Please tie them anywhere you want on your persons.
Kyuu: 6-on-6 battle. You may use the entire Yagyuu family compound. As long as you're within the confines of this estate, that's fine. Whichever team gets the opposite team leader's head, wins.
Kyuu: And by head, I mean plate. If your plate gets broken, you are out of the battle. And it doesn't matter how many plates you've broken on your team. As long as your team leader's plate remains unbroken, you can still fight. That's the only rule. You may fight however you like.
Hijikata: So basically, it doesn't matter if a bunch of people are all fighting one guy, or everyone's running away from a fight .This is no different from a street brawl. LIsten up! If this was a proper duel between dojos, you guys would have the advantage, but when it comes to simply an all-out brawl, we are not going to lose.
Kyuu: This is our Yagyuu style's annual practice match. It not only helps with morale, it also provides for good practice. I'm going to show you guys that a dojo's fighting style is not as easy and dumb as you might think. I'll break all of you and your naive notion that you, with your "real" experience, can somehow beat us.
Gintoki: *TWITCH* Whatever. WE'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE IN A FIGHT.
Kondo: HEY WAIT A MINUTE, YOU SAID 6-ON-6. YOU GUYS ONLY HAVE FIVE!! LIARS!
Kagura: YEAH! CONDESCENDING!! I KNOW HOW TO COUNT, YOU LIARS!!
Kagura: ...Hey wait a minute, they only have 5. Isn't that good for us? What do we do?!
Kondo: ....Do we er, ....pretend that...we...didn't....realize that?
Kondo: I SAID NOTHING!!!!
Kyuu: Let me just warn you guys. Our team's leader isn't here. He's already hiding somewhere, waiting for you guys.
Gintoki: Then who is your---???
Ayu: We are under no obligation to tell you. You should be careful, if anything. Besides, we 5 alone will take care of all of you, so there's no need to tell who our team leader is anyway.
Gintoki/Kondo/Kagura: WHAT?!?!??!?!?!?
Kyuu: The fight starts in 20 minutes. Be sure to prepare well.
Kondo: SHUT UP! GIVE ME 10 MINUTES!
Kagura: WHO CARES! LET'S JUST KILL THEM!
(scene shifts over to Shinpachi-Kondo-and-co. team. Currently trying to come up with a strategy)
Kondo: THIS PISSES ME OFF!!!!!! *KICKS ATREE* I'M NOT HANDING OTAE-SAN OVER TO THAT ASSHOLE!
Hijikata: Er, she never was yours to begin with.
Kondo: I REALLY AM PISSED OFF!!!! LET'S JUST THROW OUR TEAM LEADER TO THE FRONT LINES!! *points at Shinpachi*
Kondo: LET'S JUST DO THAT! YEAH! EVEN IF WE DIE, IT'S OKAY!
Shinpachi: HOW IS THAT OK!?!??!? THAT'S MORE LIKE KO!!!!! Wait, then I'm the team's leader?!
Hijikata: Obviously. We're here supposedly as YOUR disciples, so there you go.
Shinpachi: But still, shouldn't we find someone who's er, stronger?
Kondo: DON'T WORRY, I'LL PROTECT YOU! BESIDES, WE HAVE LOTS TO TALK ABOUT! LIKE, SHOULD I STAY OVER AT YOUR HOUSE, OR SHOULD YOU GUYS STAY AT MY HOUSE OR---
Shinpachi: SORRY BUT PLEASE LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE ACK.
Okita: All of you be quiet. Where do you plan on tying your plates? Our standing in the game and the fight depends on it. And since Hijikata-san doesn't plan on losing, I'm going to tie his over his eye for him. (Okita basically tied the plate like an eyepatch on Hijikata XD)
Hijikata: Do you WANT me to lose an eye?
Gintoki: Don't worry about the plate so much. If it's going to break, then it's going to break. Just tie it wherever.
Gintoki: Yosh. I'm going to tie mine over here. *Ties it over Hijikata's OTHER eye XDDDD*
Hijikata: WHY ARE YOU TYING YOURS ON ME?!?!??!?!?!? THAT'S YOUR PLATE, BASTARD!
Gintoki: There! Now your character design is as dashing as Kyuubei's!
Okita: Hijikata-san, you can do it!
Hijikata: BOTH OF YOU SADISTIC BASTARDS SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Kagura: Gin-chan! I've got a great idea! I'm going to tie mine under my feet, so that way, nobody would see it, because I'm walking! See? *lifts feet up....sets it down.....the plate, obviously, breaks XD*
Kagura: .....
Kagura: Oh no ;__; My feet hurt. What'd I step on?
Gintoki: ARE YOU JOKING?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE HELL!? THE FIGHT HASN'T EVEN STARTED AND WE'RE ALREADY ONE MAN SHORT!
Kondo: WHAT DO WE DO, WHAT DO WE DO?!??!?!
Shinpachi: The fight hasn't started yet, so we can get another plate, right?
Gintoki: *at Kagura* Go get another plate, you! >O!
Hijikata: Wait.
Hijikata: We don't know what the enemy's doing. If we go off by ourselves, it could get bad. Here. Kondo-san, you're responsible for our team leader, Shinpachi, the rest four of us will divide up into groups of two and head off in different directions to see where the enemies are.
Kagura: Then I'll go with Gin-chan. I don't want to be with corrupt cops D:
Hijikata: I don't want to be with any of you. Let's go then, Sougo----
Shinpachi: Hijikata-san -__-;;; Those two sadistic freaks have already left (referring to Okita and Gintoki already going off in different directions XD)
Hijikata: .............
(scene shifts over to Hijikata with Kagura XD They're at the kitchen area)
Hijikata: Sorry to trouble you, but think you can lend us a plate?
Kitchen lady: Ara~ I didn't realize that we had such a good-looking guy and such a cute girl here! *_* Is there some kind of feast going on?
Hijikata: Yeah, sure. *gets a plate!*
Hijikata: Oi. Here you go.
Kagura: ...I don't want it. It's got a bit of soy sauce on it. Please give me another one.
Hijikata: Here. I'll use this dirty plate, and you can have mine, alright?
Kagura: I don't want to. Yours has mayonnaise on it.
Hijikata: NO, IT DOESNT!
Hijikata: DON'T BE SO STUBBORN! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BROKE YOUR PLATE SO---
Kagura: Ah! I want that one! *points at a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE plate XD*
Hijikata: HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIGHT WHEN YOU'RE TIED DOWN WITH A GIANT PLATE LIKE THAT?!
Kitchen lady: I'm sorry, but this is a very valuable plate from another planet, so I don't think I can lend it to you....
Hijikata: See?
Kagura: I don't care! D: Get me that one, or I'll break your plate too, Mayo-lover!
Hijikata: Why you little bitch----
(the smoke signal for the start of the fight is lit!)
Hijikata: Oi, we don't have time to waste now---
Kagura: I guess I'll just use your plate then :| (she's tied Hijikata's and the soy-sauce plates over her breasts XDDDDDDD)
Hijikata: !!! HEY! Hold on! That's MY plate you've got there!! (and Nishi shows up. More like...just...kind of...looms. He's a biiiiiiiiig guy XD)
Nishi: Ah, first one. *attacks*
Kagura: !!
(scene shifts to Grandpapa and Otae-san)
Grandpapa: Ah, that's it. More. Deeper. DEEEEEPPPPPER.
Otae: Please don't sexually harass me ^_^ (she's cleaning out his ear wax for him XD)
Grandpapa: We're all men here~
Otae: ...I said I am a WOMAN, stupid old guy! Say that again, and I'll break you!
Grandpapa: Oh, so you're a woman :O Then what is Kyuubei? :O
Otae: SHOULDN'T YOU KNOW YOUR OWN GRANDCHILD'S GENDER?!
Grandpapa: When you're old, it's okay to not remember. But I say, Tae-kun...
Otae: Tae-chan.
Grandpapa: I can't believe the little girl who used to play with our Kyuubei is now getting married into our family...Ahhhh deeper. Deeppppppeerrr.
Otae: If I go too deep, I might end up cleaning out something important!
Grandpapa: I think you've been through a lot. You doing okay?
Otae: Of course! I'm not going to give up. How else would I be your daughter-in law? (more like granddaughter in-law XD)
Grandpapa: Really? You are always smiling, Tae-kun. It's hard to tell what you're really thinking.
Grandpapa: maybe you don't really want to get married. Or do you like someone else?
Grandpapa: Just say it~ Are you hiding something---
Otae: NOTHING!
Grandpapa: Is that so? ...I've always thought that you would still hang onto what happened then....
Otae: ...
Grandpapa: In any case, both of you have my support. *leaves!*
Otae: ? Where are you going?
Grandpapa: *ties something to his head -- a plate! Yep, he's the Yagyuu team's leader :O* Seems like there's trouble.
Grandpapa: I'm going over to take a look.
(scene shifts to the kitchen where currently, Nish, Minami, AND Kita are all fighting Kagura D:)
Kagura: OOF!
Nishi: Tch. I didn't get the plate. But---
Kita: *attacks from under water!* Don't think you can run from us.
Minami: *yet another attack on Kagura* Gotcha~
Okita: Oi. The person who's allowed to beat up that girl, is me. *BEATS MINAMI OVER THE HEAD XD*
Minami: OOF OWWW.
Nishi: Mina---!!!!! *BOOM!* (the kitchen behind Nishi went....well, BOOM)
Kagura: ow ow ow....
Okita: Hijikata-san, what's up with that big plate of yours? (Hijikata doesn't have a plate, since Kagura has his, so he ties that biiiiiiiig and expensive one on himself XDDDDDD )
Hijikata: Let's just call this my one and only concession in this fight.
Chapters 114-116 here