And Gasp For Air (The Office, Pam/Karen)
Title: And Gasp For Air
Challenge: femslash100's Around The Clock
Prompt: 21:00 / mourned
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Spoilers: Through "Back From Vacation"
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 230 + 150 + 160 + 160 = 700
Disclaimer: Not mine! Title is from a song by The Mountains Goats.
*
Pam's on Karen's couch, listening to the reasons why Karen and Jim broke up.
"I always knew, somewhere in the back of my mind," Karen says, "that it wasn't going to work out. But I moved here for him. I followed him. And that, my friend, is lame."
"You took a chance," Pam says. She picks at the label on her beer bottle. "There's nothing wrong with that." She affects a smile (if she lets herself openly wallow in her own problems, she's not being a good friend) and turns to Karen. "And if you had taken another job, you would've missed the bustling night life of Scranton. And so many Michael moments."
"True. But I could've seen those on TV."
"But then it would've been less horrifying."
"Oh, sure. The horror *is* the best part. And," Karen says, smiling slightly, "I got to meet you."
"Well, that has to make everything worth it," Pam says.
Karen nods and clinks the neck of her bottle against Pam's. A couple of hours later, Karen's kissing the corner of her mouth. There are no declarations, no questions, and Pam doesn't pull away as Karen *really* kisses her.
"I don't know what I'm doing," Pam confesses, her fingers resting on Karen's hips.
"I can help you figure it out," Karen says.
Karen laughs. Pam echoes the sound with her forehead against Karen's shoulder.
*
Pam thinks it isn't fair to Karen to withhold the truth (to not say, Jim was in love with me, once). She hasn't even told Karen that Roy isn't just a cute guy from the warehouse (she swears that someday, she'll tell Karen that she loved Roy; maybe even add that she didn't love him enough). It also isn't fair that every moment with Karen feels off, that she's haunted by the idea that Karen is not the person who should be in her bathroom at six in the morning; kissing her between jokes; saying, "If you want to take it slow, we'll take it slow." That Pam's too scared to think about what she really wants from Karen or what Karen needs from her.
None of this has been fair to Karen from the very beginning. She wishes (desperately, and for the millionth time) that things could be different.
*
After the fifth time she has (still slightly awkward yet strangely thrilling) sex with Karen, Pam is pretty sure she shouldn't be doing this. When she admits this to Karen, Pam is staring at the ceiling. "It's not," she adds, "it's not you. It's... I don't know what it is."
"That's all you're going to say? 'It's not you'?"
Pam doesn't respond.
Karen stays still and silent until Pam pretends to be asleep. She gets out of bed and makes more noise than is necessary when putting on her clothes. After the front door slams, Pam turns on the TV just so she won't have to spend the night with silence (again).
She gets a few hours sleep. She bursts into tears in the shower (and briefly wishes she still had someone else to blame for the risks she refuses to take). At the office, Karen ignores her, never looking back at Pam no matter how long Pam watches her.
*
"We should talk," Pam says. "I still want us to be friends." She hopes that Karen can recognize the desperation in her eyes, the loneliness, the I-need-someone-to-talk-to ache.
Karen's gaze darts to the window of the breakroom. She's still aware of the cameras when she needs to be. "I can't talk about this here. But... I don't think we can."
"I don't think that's true," Pam says half-heartedly.
They sit there, sodas in front of them, both waiting for the other to leave or change her mind. Karen finally gets up after glancing over at Pam and muttering, "I'm sorry... I'm just sorry."
Later, one of the cameramen asks her, "What's going on with you and Karen?"
"There's nothing going on." Her breath hitches; she can imagine someone watching this a few months from now and seeing right through her from the comfort of their own home. "It's no big deal."
"Is it about Jim?"
"No," Pam says. "It's not."
END
Challenge: femslash100's Around The Clock
Prompt: 21:00 / mourned
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Spoilers: Through "Back From Vacation"
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 230 + 150 + 160 + 160 = 700
Disclaimer: Not mine! Title is from a song by The Mountains Goats.
*
Pam's on Karen's couch, listening to the reasons why Karen and Jim broke up.
"I always knew, somewhere in the back of my mind," Karen says, "that it wasn't going to work out. But I moved here for him. I followed him. And that, my friend, is lame."
"You took a chance," Pam says. She picks at the label on her beer bottle. "There's nothing wrong with that." She affects a smile (if she lets herself openly wallow in her own problems, she's not being a good friend) and turns to Karen. "And if you had taken another job, you would've missed the bustling night life of Scranton. And so many Michael moments."
"True. But I could've seen those on TV."
"But then it would've been less horrifying."
"Oh, sure. The horror *is* the best part. And," Karen says, smiling slightly, "I got to meet you."
"Well, that has to make everything worth it," Pam says.
Karen nods and clinks the neck of her bottle against Pam's. A couple of hours later, Karen's kissing the corner of her mouth. There are no declarations, no questions, and Pam doesn't pull away as Karen *really* kisses her.
"I don't know what I'm doing," Pam confesses, her fingers resting on Karen's hips.
"I can help you figure it out," Karen says.
Karen laughs. Pam echoes the sound with her forehead against Karen's shoulder.
*
Pam thinks it isn't fair to Karen to withhold the truth (to not say, Jim was in love with me, once). She hasn't even told Karen that Roy isn't just a cute guy from the warehouse (she swears that someday, she'll tell Karen that she loved Roy; maybe even add that she didn't love him enough). It also isn't fair that every moment with Karen feels off, that she's haunted by the idea that Karen is not the person who should be in her bathroom at six in the morning; kissing her between jokes; saying, "If you want to take it slow, we'll take it slow." That Pam's too scared to think about what she really wants from Karen or what Karen needs from her.
None of this has been fair to Karen from the very beginning. She wishes (desperately, and for the millionth time) that things could be different.
*
After the fifth time she has (still slightly awkward yet strangely thrilling) sex with Karen, Pam is pretty sure she shouldn't be doing this. When she admits this to Karen, Pam is staring at the ceiling. "It's not," she adds, "it's not you. It's... I don't know what it is."
"That's all you're going to say? 'It's not you'?"
Pam doesn't respond.
Karen stays still and silent until Pam pretends to be asleep. She gets out of bed and makes more noise than is necessary when putting on her clothes. After the front door slams, Pam turns on the TV just so she won't have to spend the night with silence (again).
She gets a few hours sleep. She bursts into tears in the shower (and briefly wishes she still had someone else to blame for the risks she refuses to take). At the office, Karen ignores her, never looking back at Pam no matter how long Pam watches her.
*
"We should talk," Pam says. "I still want us to be friends." She hopes that Karen can recognize the desperation in her eyes, the loneliness, the I-need-someone-to-talk-to ache.
Karen's gaze darts to the window of the breakroom. She's still aware of the cameras when she needs to be. "I can't talk about this here. But... I don't think we can."
"I don't think that's true," Pam says half-heartedly.
They sit there, sodas in front of them, both waiting for the other to leave or change her mind. Karen finally gets up after glancing over at Pam and muttering, "I'm sorry... I'm just sorry."
Later, one of the cameramen asks her, "What's going on with you and Karen?"
"There's nothing going on." Her breath hitches; she can imagine someone watching this a few months from now and seeing right through her from the comfort of their own home. "It's no big deal."
"Is it about Jim?"
"No," Pam says. "It's not."
END