Let's see how many people I can shock by actually posting something.
No, not quite. Just got tired of life, tired of talking and well I guess tired of myself. That last one for the most part. Sometimes I wonder if I have multiple personalities. There's the one side of me that craves attention and sympathy for everything wrong in my life, and then the other part of me finds that to be a totally disgusting trait. I guess the totally disgusted side has won out for the past year and a half or so. That being said I haven't had anything to say at all. And maybe that side of me is still in control. I'm not sure. But recently I've been having urges to connect with people. Something I haven't done in long time. Something that I'd attribute to the softer side of me. The side of me that is artistic, and more emotional. The side that I truly do miss.
But I know that I have to find a balance in my life. Some way to let the soft side out, but still not totally tick off the side of me that would rather be quiet and stoic all the time. If anyone has any suggestions I'd surely accept them. Because I really don't like how my life has been going recently.
Hmm, what else to say. Well the kids are back in school. The husband is still driving a truck, even though I think our marriage is a little better than it was the last time I posted. I'm thinking that's one of the reasons that my softer side is reappearing. I felt so cold for such a long time, but lately it's been easier with him, and that's allowing the softer parts of me to peak out just a bit more.
Medically I'm worse off than I was a year and a half ago. But I'm at least no longer on forced bed rest. Even though my medical problems do wear me out alot. But that's another thing that I'm not sure I'm gonna do so much of in the future. Talking about my health. I like sharing myself with my friends, and I tried to be an open person, and tried not to hold anything back, but it was too much for me. Or at least too much, too fast. I'm not normally the type to open up to people. Which makes no sense at all, since I'm the type of person who will listen to everyone else and offer up advice and comfort where it's needed. But opening up is hard for me. I internalize everything. Guess that's what the last year and half has been for me. A period of totally internalizing everything. It's a wonder I haven't exploded yet.
Anyhow, I hope my friend on here haven't forgotten me, or worse yet become angry at me for pulling a 'houdini'. I wouldn't blame them if they did though. But I do want them to know that my disappearance had nothing to do with any of them. I always received the best of encouragement from you all. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. But I do know that hiding isn't helping me at all.
But I know that I have to find a balance in my life. Some way to let the soft side out, but still not totally tick off the side of me that would rather be quiet and stoic all the time. If anyone has any suggestions I'd surely accept them. Because I really don't like how my life has been going recently.
Hmm, what else to say. Well the kids are back in school. The husband is still driving a truck, even though I think our marriage is a little better than it was the last time I posted. I'm thinking that's one of the reasons that my softer side is reappearing. I felt so cold for such a long time, but lately it's been easier with him, and that's allowing the softer parts of me to peak out just a bit more.
Medically I'm worse off than I was a year and a half ago. But I'm at least no longer on forced bed rest. Even though my medical problems do wear me out alot. But that's another thing that I'm not sure I'm gonna do so much of in the future. Talking about my health. I like sharing myself with my friends, and I tried to be an open person, and tried not to hold anything back, but it was too much for me. Or at least too much, too fast. I'm not normally the type to open up to people. Which makes no sense at all, since I'm the type of person who will listen to everyone else and offer up advice and comfort where it's needed. But opening up is hard for me. I internalize everything. Guess that's what the last year and half has been for me. A period of totally internalizing everything. It's a wonder I haven't exploded yet.
Anyhow, I hope my friend on here haven't forgotten me, or worse yet become angry at me for pulling a 'houdini'. I wouldn't blame them if they did though. But I do want them to know that my disappearance had nothing to do with any of them. I always received the best of encouragement from you all. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. But I do know that hiding isn't helping me at all.