[Caroline doesn't even know where to begin when he asks his question. What did it mean? Did it mean he cared for her beyond just a companion, friend, or a warm body in bed? Did it mean he loved her? Probably not considering she knew he loved Elena. She didn't know anymore than he did. And that's his fault for being hard to read. But she knew why he did it, she knew what it was like for someone to care for you conditionally. Matt didn't love her for who she was now, he only wanted 'normal Caroline' in his life. Not that she could blame him. He hadn't signed up for any of this though she wished he had at the time.
She's quiet for a long moment before she ventures a guess--] It means you care? [She wants to ask him how he feels, is he mad? Scared? Happy? Clearly he's confused but there has to be something else driving his actions.]
It means I'm screwed. [Regardless if this was the case or not, he felt screwed. This was just another situation in which, try as he might to avoid it, he was setting himself up for failure. It was far from her fault, he knew. He was impossible. And in turn, so was this. But as many times as he left her alone and wondering, he could never bring himself to actually leave. His only sanity as of late was found with her; one of the least sane vampires to ever roam this godforsaken planet. It was times like these that he truly abhorred irony.] We both are.
[She doesn't know whether to laugh or cry at those words because she doesn't really know what he means. Frowning, she still resists the urge to move, to roll over and see his face because she can't hear a smile in those words but there might be one or maybe only bitterness.] Well, you're stuck with me. [Because unless he told her he didn't want her anymore, she wasn't going anywhere, even with the tension they had sometimes, even with the fights. And that had to be clear by now considering she could leave at anytime.] So is that why you feel screwed? Or is it because this is more than just hooking up now?
[He didn't feel ready for this conversation, but in truth, he wasn't sure he ever would. There was certainly no time like the present, but the present felt as doomed as the future was sure to be. He felt no relief with his slight admittance, and he doubted further admittance would bring any more. But the truth of the matter was, she deserved it. She deserved to know that he wasn't using her. That this time couldn't have been more different than the time before. Maybe they were just as doomed as they had been, maybe they were just as inept. But there was an undeniable shift within him, one that urged him to proceed.] Because it's real. And nothing that's real ever lasts.
[The moment she hears those words, the fact that he thinks it's real... It makes her heart swell, relief spreading over her like a splash of cold water on a hot summer day. Because for so long she'd been in the dark on what this was. Was it just his way of occupying his time, a distraction? Maybe it still was but at least...
But the second part of his statement makes her pause, unable to resist the urge to turn and face him any longer. So she does, carefully, speaking as she does.] I won't say that it will last because I don't know if it will but... [She glances up at him] I want it to. [And maybe that counts for something or maybe it ruins everything.]
[He feels her shift beside him, but when he opens his eyes, he keeps them focused on the ceiling. There's no possible way he can bring himself to look at her, not now. Not when he was being honest. Twisted as it was, it was always so much easier to look directly into her eyes and lie.] I don't think you know what you want.
[She feels a rush if indignation at his words. She knows what she wants. At least she thinks she does, so her voice is firm and sure.] I know what I want.
For now. [He's not trying to be negate what she's saying. For once, he's not even attempting to be negative. He just knows that things chance. That perspective truly is everything. Right now it was just the two of them, no distractions, no past heartaches presenting themselves on a daily basis. They carried those heartaches with them, of course, but having to deal with them head on each day was another demon entirely. Damon couldn't help the way he felt, just like he couldn't with Katherine or Elena, but he could control how he acted on those feelings. For once, he thought maybe it was time to protect himself.] I'm beginning to realize that we're both way in over our heads here.
I know what I want, Damon. [Caroline can't stop the frustration from rising up in her. Because like Matt had once, he seemed to have played the whole thing out in his head before giving it a real chance. Deciding what she wants for her and not asking her. Before even giving her a chance. Maybe Damon only wants the chase and Caroline is too easy or something. But she wants to make sure of what he's saying, she needs to know exactly what he means. Is it over? Or does it mean that he doesn't mind being over his head?] What does that mean?
It means that you're nearly as damaged as I am. [Which was an achievement in its own right, though not a positive one. They were both hopeless, both accustomed to being second best. Their insecurities were all too similar, and neither of them were in the mindset to overcome them.] It means I don't know if I can do this. [If they could do this.]
Just because we're damaged doesn't mean we don't deserve some happiness. [Why did Elena and Stefan get to be happy? Why couldn't they find happiness in one way or another? Of course, from what he says next, she wasn't sure he wanted to find happiness with her, or even could.] You can't or you don't want to anymore?
[She was asking too many questions, and he had too few answers. Each of his thoughts were cryptic and vague, and in turn, so was this conversation. It wasn't how he wanted it to be. For once, he wished that something could be easy. But things never were, and he prevented them from being that way even when the possibility arose.] None of this has to do with what I want.
[He was being impossibly vague, as usual, making her have even more questions than she did before. Life is hard and she wanted to throttle him sometimes for making it harder, more confusing but he probably wanted to do the same to her.] This has everything to do with what you want. [She sighed softly, rolling back over because she had a feeling he was done being open, and was back to being vague, at least it felt that way.] I wish you could tell me.
What good would it do? [Somehow he genuinely believes there is little point. This happened every time he began to open up to anyone, he shuts down just as quickly as he puts forth the simplest effort. If others weren't keeping him from what he wants, he was sure to make up the ground.]
Then I'd know what you want instead of having play guessing games with you. [And she was so tired of games, even if she'd been the one to play them in the past. But since Matt, she'd tried her hardest to be a mature, different person when it came to relationships, to lay everything out on the table, to be honest. And as good at it as he was, Caroline wasn't completely stupid, she knew he lied to her plenty.] Because when you do stuff like that? The whole screwing-me-and-then-leaving-right-after thing? It doesn't exactly make me feel like you want anything to do with me. [Just her body. Or worse, he's disgusted by what they're doing.]
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She's quiet for a long moment before she ventures a guess--] It means you care? [She wants to ask him how he feels, is he mad? Scared? Happy? Clearly he's confused but there has to be something else driving his actions.]
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But the second part of his statement makes her pause, unable to resist the urge to turn and face him any longer. So she does, carefully, speaking as she does.] I won't say that it will last because I don't know if it will but... [She glances up at him] I want it to. [And maybe that counts for something or maybe it ruins everything.]
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