[Hello, gut-punch, how are you today? Ben suddenly finds that he can't breathe at all. Somehow, this feels like old hat, and it's the most natural thing in the world to cling to Guriel like a drowning man while his world spins around him.] I. We. But.
[Guriel winces like he's been struck. Which, well. He has.]
There was a car accident. You were in the Army, overseas. And they'd . . . they'd bought me. Before that. They left me to you.
I'm sorry.
[He manages a breath. Just one, not a deep one. He has to address the source of the meltdown or he's going to lose his grip and he is not going to do that to Ben, he can't do that to Ben, not right now. Not ever again.]
Please. Please, Ben, don't . . . please don't say that. What you said. About. About not.
You aren't a burden. And I have to do this, please, please don't ask me not to do this, I can't . . . I need . . . Need you. To take care of you. I promised.
[Guriel's words and desperation across the... Pack link, Zev supplies, cut through the maelstrom swirling around Ben's head, and he looks sharply at the angel.] I. Are we-- [He shakes his head.] That doesn't feel right. [Zev is horrified. No, no, no, not like that, you would never. Pack. We are Pack. Family. We've all made the same promise.]
[Guriel nods, hating how raw and desperate and scared he feels, how unsteady he must be coming across to Ben right now. He needs to be strong, to be the stable one.
But he's not sure how much longer he can manage that. His arms tighten around Ben.] Yes. Yes we do. We're Pack, we love each other and we care for each other and I promised, I promised I wouldn't ever leave you.
[A need to be needed, and ferocious loyalty. Ben understands that, and he nods.] Okay. I won't. Won't kick you out, Guriel. We've got each other. Always will. Okay?
[Guriel chokes back a sob, or tries to. Most of it makes its way out, and damn it, he's trying to hold it together, really he is. He buries his face in Ben's shoulder.] Okay. Okay.
You aren't a burden, Ben, you never are, not ever. You're my best friend and my Pack and I love you.
All right. [Ben starts to stroke his hand across Guriel's wing, hesitates a moment, and then does it anyway, wrapping his other arm around his Packmate.] This must be unimaginably hard for you. And I just bet you had to do it virtually alone...
Oh, Guriel. [And he enfolds his Packmate in a tight, tight hug.]
[Guriel makes a broken noise in his throat and leans hard into that hug, craving comfort. He doesn't say anything, because he doesn't trust his voice, either mental or physical. If he says anything the dam is going to burst and he can't let that happen, even if the strain of holding it all in is making him physically tremble at this point.]
[Another broken sound, and oh, God, he can't he can't he can't.] Can't. Not fair, not fair to you, you can't remember, if I can't protect you They'll take you away, and I can't. I have to. I have to do this.
Don't have to remember. I know, bone-deep, what we have and what we are to each other. [Ben never stops stroking the wing.] A little brain damage won't take that from me, from us, not ever. And it's just us three here, no one else to see, and you can let it out, Guriel. [He tightens his arms.] You can. I've gotcha. You don't have to protect me from you.
[A sob breaks past his defenses, and he tries desperately to marshal them, to hold back the next one and the one after, but it fails and he just . . . crumbles.] OhGod, Ben, he shot you, he said he'd killed you and I thought he had and you wouldn't move andtherewasbloodalloverus, and you wouldn't wake up and They said They said TheysaidTheywouldtakeyouawayohGodpleasedon'tpleasedon'tleavemeallalone . . .
[And Ben rocks him, his own heart breaking in the face of this utter collapse.] I'm not going anywhere, Guriel, staying right here. They can say what They want, but now that I'm awake and halfway coherent They'll never get us apart, not ever, we'll run if we have to, go far away where They'll never find us. Got each other's backs, and I love you and They can't change that...
[And Guriel just sobs, huge wracking broken sobs like a child's, because he's been holding this back for weeks and he's so, so very tired of it, he's been so scared and so alone . . .]I missed you, I missed you so much and I was so afraid, they kept saying you couldn't take care of yourself and acting like I didn't exist or matter, like I'd put you in danger if I tried to take care of you . . .
[And the unspoken terror in his bones is that they were right.]
Well, fuck Them, what do They know, anyway. Only way I'd be in danger would be if you weren't at my side taking care of me, because I know for a fact that you wouldn't let anyone hurt me, not if you had any way of stopping it. Even if I don't know anything else [at all, which is terrifying], I know that.
He stares around, frowning.] Where am I?
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There was a car accident. You were in the Army, overseas. And they'd . . . they'd bought me. Before that. They left me to you.
I'm sorry.
[He manages a breath. Just one, not a deep one. He has to address the source of the meltdown or he's going to lose his grip and he is not going to do that to Ben, he can't do that to Ben, not right now. Not ever again.]
Please. Please, Ben, don't . . . please don't say that. What you said. About. About not.
You aren't a burden. And I have to do this, please, please don't ask me not to do this, I can't . . . I need . . . Need you. To take care of you. I promised.
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But love. We love each other. All three. Right?
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But he's not sure how much longer he can manage that. His arms tighten around Ben.] Yes. Yes we do. We're Pack, we love each other and we care for each other and I promised, I promised I wouldn't ever leave you.
You're all I've got. I can't leave you alone.
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You aren't a burden, Ben, you never are, not ever. You're my best friend and my Pack and I love you.
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Oh, Guriel. [And he enfolds his Packmate in a tight, tight hug.]
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Let it out, Guriel. I gotcha. You caught me. I'll catch you.
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[And the unspoken terror in his bones is that they were right.]
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All for one, Guriel. Forever and ever and ever.
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