170. want to talk but the words get stuck in my throat

[boughtyourhouse]

HARDEST WORDS TO SAY

Sometimes the hardest things to say are also the most important. It doesn't matter how much it scares you to do so, it's finally time to be honest.

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Comments

Variation on 17...

[maple_syrup_can]

[Canada... doesn't want to tackle this subject. It would be nice if it could be under the rug forever. But what Austria said still haunts him: "And these friends of yours, they would all stop growing old and die while you watch and do nothing? Are they people you would put ahead of your citizens, should they appear and ask for you to make the sacrifice?"

Canada is Canada- a country. And even though Jasmine knows that, perhaps she doesn't realize what it means. (Perhaps Canada himself doesn't even fully realize what it means...)]

[So here they are, sitting comfortably together on the couch, alone, relaxed, quiet. He is gently massaging one of her hands, resting his head on hers.
...There is probably no better time to talk about it.]

Jasmine... would it be all right if I asked you something that... might be hard to talk about?

[orangemineral]

[ Jasmine hesitates a little before nodding slightly. While she rather just sit here with all the calm feelings, the fact that he brought it up really means something. ] S-sure! Um... what is it...?

[maple_syrup_can]

Um... [How to start...]

W-well, you know- um. W-when I celebrated my birthday, I- I never really said to you how old I am...

[orangemineral]

I-I remember that... [ But, that's not important... right? ]

[maple_syrup_can]

I- I'm sorry I was so evasive. A-actually... I'm more used to avoiding the topic because I'm so young but- Um. From your perspective, I- I'm pretty old...

[orangemineral]

... H-how old is "pretty old"...?

[maple_syrup_can]

I... p-please don't be too shocked? But- I just turned a hundred and forty four.

[orangemineral]

[ Her hands tense a little, but that's (probably) the only sign he can see that even hints that she's a little shaken by this. ] Y...you age slowly?

[maple_syrup_can]

Mmm, just... differently? Reflecting how strong and mature the nation is... S-something like that.

[He shifts so that he can see her face better and look her in the eyes. (It's probably easy to read the worry in his own.)]
B-but yes. Compared to humans... slowly.

[orangemineral]

[ She doesn't know how to react to this. She's startled, yes, and she's upset because she's already beginning to make some connections that she didn't want to make. If he's already that old (comparatively)... ] ... I-I'm sorry... [ She bites her bottom lip slightly, ducking her head down and forward a little bit. ]

[maple_syrup_can]

Eh--

[Startled, he gently wraps his arms around her shoulders and draws her close to him.]

Oh, no, Jasmine- whatever for? I'm the one that should be apologizing...

[orangemineral]

[She finds herself burying her face in his shoulder a little as he pulled her closer.]

I just... I don't know what to say... I -I'm so sorry.

[maple_syrup_can]

So... so you understand what it means.

[He hugs her tight for a moment, then strokes her back. It takes some time before he can speak.]

Would you... like to take some time to think about... this? B-because it... it will not be easy. For either of us. So if you- if you... [he can't even bring himself to say it. But he would not deny her if she wanted to stop their relationship as a couple.]

[orangemineral]

I... I-I don't know. [ She takes a shaky breath in an attempt to calm herself a little. ] I just don't want to hurt you...

[maple_syrup_can]

[He hugs her tight, not knowing what to say to that.
He can't say that it wouldn't hurt. Either way, it would hurt. One way he'd watch her pass away after her short life, the other he'd have to leave her.
And he in turn would hurt her either way.]

I- I don't want to hurt you either. But... I... I don't think we'll be able to help it...

[orangemineral]

I... I'm sorry... [ She hugs him tight in turn. It feels so, so selfish, but... ] I don't want to leave you.