170. want to talk but the words get stuck in my throat

[boughtyourhouse]

HARDEST WORDS TO SAY

Sometimes the hardest things to say are also the most important. It doesn't matter how much it scares you to do so, it's finally time to be honest.

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Comments

this is bad and we should feel bad

[witchbuster]

Hey, Kid? We need to talk about something.

[witchbuster]

No. I don't want to end our relationship and I wouldn't be happier with someone else, because it's not you.

But...that was one of the options I was thinking of, since this won't go away.

[hatetodismiss]

... Fine. [It had been a horrible idea to enter a relationship like this.] If that is an option you considered, I see no reason to stop you from taking it.

1/2

[witchbuster]

[Oh. Shaking with fury, she certainly didn't miss that feeling.]

No. No reason. Besides that I love you and I don't want to do that and I thought that you wouldn't want to either.

[witchbuster]

But that was just another dumb mistake I made with you.

[The whole conversation is like a losing battle. The worst part is that they can't just start over and pretend it didn't happen; she can't take back any of what she said, she made her bed of pent up feelings and now she has to lie in it.]

I--[don't want to break down crying in front of him]--I'm going out. [I need air, I need a quiet place, I need to be alone, I need I need I need-- her feelings were troublesome as always.] So. Bye.

[hatetodismiss]

Goodbye. [His voice chokes and cracks, and he blinks back tears. He needs to find something to do, something to put right (what does it matter he can't fix this relationship, can't hold onto the girl he loves, can't fix anything failure failure failure)

in the back of his mind there is the feeling of rushing water and the idea of nothing

when (if) she comes back later she will find the house in shambles, smashed mirrors and flipped tables, and Kid locked in the bathroom with the water running]

1/3

[witchbuster]

[It takes a while, but eventually Maka decides that staying outside staring at nothing isn't advisable. If she was going to stay away from the house, she could at least pack up some personal items and find a hotel to stay in for the time being.

Some personal items and...perhaps making sure that the inhabitants were still alive judging by the ransacked appearance.

...No, it wasn't a ransack. It was Kid. He's angry.

No, it wasn't Kid. It was you. You did this.]

[witchbuster]

[There's no time to be a baby and cry about it, go find him you stupid whore.

Find him and do what? There's nothing else that can be said. Something like this can't even be resolved with the "we can still be friends" speech. He hurt her, she hurt him, and neither of them was going to apologize for it.

Hopeless.

Slowly, slowly, she takes a chance and follows where his soul leads her. Though she still hasn't a clue of what should be done next. Could he even hear her knock over the running water?

Doubtful.

Should she try calling?

Pointless.]

[witchbuster]

[They were doomed from the start, but she refuses to let go.]

Kid! Kid! Come out!

[hatetodismiss]

[His soul is a tangled mess right now. He's hurt, he's angry (though not at Maka, never at her, just at himself, for all his failings).]

Why?

[His voice sounds thick, choked.]

[witchbuster]

[Why she chose to rest her hands against the door was a further mystery; there wasn't any sort of reality where she'd be strong enough to break it down. Even if that happened, what then? The eternal questions, what then? What next? What if?]

I want to see you. [She's quieter now, but falling completely silent isn't an option.]

[hatetodismiss]

... no you don't. disgusting. trash. why would she ever...

[His voice gets progressively quieter, until it's hidden under the sound of the running water. He's still muttering quiet accusations and reinforcements of his failure.]

[witchbuster]

If I didn't want to see you, why would I be here right now?

[hatetodismiss]

I don't know. [He's quiet, but loud enough to be heard.]

I don't know. Why are you here?

[witchbuster]

[He thinks he has to ask.]

I came back to...pack some things. [No point lying, even if the truth is rather ugly.] But I--I saw how the house was and I wanted to find you. Make sure you didn't hurt yourself. See you...

[Another disadvantage to letting one's emotions overtake them, it drains a lot of energy in addition to making rash decisions. Eventually Maka has to give in to her shaking knees and sits down with her back against the door.]

You don't want to come out, though, so...I'll just stay here.

[hatetodismiss]

[... the house. He can't really remember what happened, still feels crushed under the massive weight of his failures and failings. He had tried to fix something, to arrange the house in a better way, but it was already perfect, and he very suddenly realized that he didn't deserve it he couldn't maintain it and he somehow needed to atone for something and he had to destroy it.]

... you don't. I'm trash. Disgusting, useless, worthless, trash.