Just A Little Bit Jealous
Title: Just A Little Bit Jealous
Pairings: Chuck/Dan, mentions of Chuck/Blair, Chuck/Jenny, Dan/Serena, Dan/Vanessa & Dan/Olivia.
Warnings: Dan and Chuck are very OOC.
Rating: PG-13
It began when he had ended up in a holding cell with Chuck after punching some guy for him. He wasn’t even quite sure why he had saves Chuck from getting beaten up. After all, he didn’t like the guy, he’d even punched Chuck himself before, so why had he done it? Dan told himself that it was because the other guy was a jackass and Dan didn’t like the idea of anyone but him punching Chuck. However, that in itself seemed very possessive and led to awkward thoughts. Instead, he had just decided that he liked to play the hero, even if he was protecting the villain. And at least it would make good material for his book.
Chuck had grasped his hand in that cell before leaving, and just for one fleeting moment, Dan lived in hope that maybe Chuck wasn’t so bad after all and school wouldn’t be a living hell anymore. But then, of course, the world had to screw him over by Chuck finding those story notes. To say that Dan was ashamed was an understatement. After what he’d heard from Chuck that night, he’d been prepared to burn those pages. However, after Chuck had stormed out, he couldn’t really think straight. He was more upset over Chuck finding the papers than he’d expected.
Avoiding had been fairly easy. He was LonelyBoy after all; he just disappeared into the crowds. There had been that whole incident where Chuck had gotten him tied to a pole half-naked in the Yale campus, but Nate had luckily helped him out before things got too bad. Plus, he did get a friend out of it, even if it did mean Chuck’s abuse became worse. It wasn’t the same abuse as before - Chuck was properly ignoring him, not even looking at him. For some reason, Dan preferred it when Chuck looked at him when insulting him.
He’d tried to stop thinking about it, thinking about Chuck, and for a while that worked. He had one of Jenny’s meltdowns and Yale applications for a distraction, but Chuck kept on coming back to haunt him. At Bart’s funeral, all he’d wanted to do was be there for Serena, for Lily, for Eric - and for Chuck, but he’d been forced to leave. Of course, he couldn’t really blame Chuck. If the situation had been reversed, he wouldn’t have wanted Chuck to be there. But at that moment, Dan couldn’t help but hate his father a little.
It happened again when he had played that drinking game with Vanessa and she’d told him that she’d slept with Chuck. Twice. He didn’t know why, but he’d felt something click inside of him. He didn’t even want to consider what that feeling was so he’d just ignored it and continued on with the game. It was only after Vanessa left that he began to wonder just why it had affected him so much. He told himself it was just because his best friend had slept with Chuck Bass, the most misogynistic ass Dan had ever had the misfortune to meet and he was just stunned at how low she had stooped.
That had to be it.
It was graduation day when he told Vanessa that he would miss how close Chuck would come to talk. He hadn’t even realized what he was saying at the time but he was just glad he’d stopped before he’d gone any further. He hadn’t even thought about Chuck since their drinking game and he’d have preferred to keep it that way, but sometimes his mind worked in mysterious ways. Vanessa thankfully didn’t seem to pick up on this much, but the feeling he’d had when she told him about sleeping with Chuck returned. He decided he hated that feeling.
Just being in the same room with Chuck brought that feeling back to the forefront of his mind. He’d been at the post-graduation party at Serena’s penthouse when he’d spotted Chuck across the room. Immediately his mood had dropped, and he’d ended up snapping at Serena and leaving quickly with Vanessa. He didn’t know quite why he acted that way, but he’d convinced himself that it was nothing to do with Chuck. He just wanted to get high school over and done with, and had been a bit rash when it came to keeping Serena in his life.
Then again, she had been a total bitch to him since they’d broken up for the second time, and attracted far too much attention for his liking. Perhaps cutting her out of his life wouldn’t be a bad idea after all. However, his father had managed to convince him that it wasn’t a good idea. Serena had basically put him into the public eye, and he still wasn’t sure whether or not it was a help or a hindrance. It certainly got him into a lot of trouble, but then again it had helped kickstart his career in some ways. He had to thank Serena for some things.
Still, whilst at Nate’s big graduation party, he had deliberately kept Vanessa with him at all times. He didn’t want to let himself get drunk, because goodness knows what he’d do. He’d been drunk and high that night out with Chuck, and he didn’t much fancy a repeat. Just looking at Nelly Yuki drunk out of her mind was enough to put him off. However, he hadn’t counted on Serena’s attempts to out Gossip Girl resulting in her announcing his night in prison. Sure, Jenny now knew he had messed up, but he was just thankful that it hadn't mentioned he’d been in there for defending Chuck. Jenny liked to jump to conclusions, so goodness knows what she would have thought. Because whatever conclusion she came to, it would of course be totally wrong. Unless she didn’t think anything of it; Dan approved of that idea. There was nothing to it, after all.
Luckily Blair kept Chuck distracted all night, doing god knows what. Probably telling him how much he loved her. He wasn’t even sure why she broke up with Nate. That horrible feeling returned soon after the thoughts and Dan had decided to drink to try and keep it away. Not so much that he would lose control, because that would just be embarrassing, but enough that he didn’t think about Chuck. He didn’t want to think about Chuck. Why would anyone want to think about Chuck?
He spent his whole summer thinking about Chuck.
Vanessa had been away with Nate and Jenny had been with Eric for most of it, and that left him with Serena, who, let’s face it, was more interested in running around being as controversial as possible. It wasn’t as if he could talk to Blair, so he’d been left to his thoughts and those had mostly revolved around Chuck. He still regretted taking that story in his pocket, and just wished Chuck hadn’t found it. What would have happened between them after that? Could they have possibly been friends?
He’d come to the conclusion that all he’d wanted was for Chuck to know that Dan would listen, that Dan could maybe even be a friend. That feeling was just because he liked helping people and he felt guilty that he’d hurt rather than helped Chuck.
But after a summer of thinking about Chuck, he was pretty sure it might have been more than that. You just didn’t spend seven weeks thinking about some guy you just wanted to be friends with. It was almost bordering on a creepy obsession at this point. However, he knew that Chuck and Blair were together and didn’t think any of it. It wasn’t as if he wanted Chuck or anything, it was just that Chuck fascinated him. Probably the same way he fascinated anyone else who didn’t want to sleep with him. It had always been fascination - Chuck was something completely new to him, so unpredictable and full of his own secrets. Dan just couldn’t help but want to find out more. Just that taste of getting to know about Chuck’s mother lingered in the back of his brain. He was sure Chuck had other personal traumas he needed a friend to help him understand.
But then Dan just felt like he was trying to exploit Chuck and felt very glad that Chuck had found the papers. Maybe he was wrong about himself, and he would have exploited Chuck for all he was worth, purely for his career. He just reasoned that he’d never know, because it hadn’t worked out like that. What was the point of thinking about something that would never be?
For the next couple of months, he saw very little of Chuck, which he was rather thankful for. Of course, Gossip Girl was constantly being updated with news about Chuck and Blair out on dates or arguing over some painting, but on the whole they looked happy. Despite the fact Dan very publically did not get on with either of them, he was happy for them. And he had Olivia and then Vanessa as distractions, although that was probably not the correct word to use for them. The thought of Chuck had almost completely left his mind, and for several blissful months, he’d been happy with his life.
But then he’d heard what Chuck had done to Blair, trading her out for his hotel and he just felt physically sick. What kind of man would do that? A disturbed and insecure person, for sure. Very few times in his life had he felt sorry for Blair, but this was one of them. He wasn’t sure how he’d ever been fascinated with Chuck, or even wanted to help him. What he’d just done was unforgivable and proved how much of a monster Chuck really was.
Apparently, Blair didn’t see it as such and had agreed to work with him in order to take down Serena’s psychotic dad and although Dan was completely comfortable with the idea, he agreed to help out. Hell, even Jenny was on board and Chuck had tried to rape her. Yet another reminder of the horrible piece of work Chuck could be. Once again, Dan hated himself for his fascination. Even now, he couldn’t let it go. Everything he’d done to Blair had just proved how damaged he really was. And so Dan kept on watching.
The last straw had come when Eric had told him to go see Jenny. He’d seen her crying, and there was something mentioned about Chuck and suddenly all the pieces had come to together. Jenny had slept with Chuck. He’d been mad at her for sending that picture to Gossip Girl, but he just couldn’t believe she’d stoop so low. She knew what Chuck had done and yet she’d still gone to him for comfort. Just what would possess her to do such a thing?
He’d gone to Blair and Chuck and he’d ruined their moment by punching Chuck in the face. The irony of the situation hadn’t even occurred to him, he’d been so wrapped up in the moment. There had been a confrontation and Jenny had been banished and Blair was leaving Chuck behind forever and everything was going so quickly that Dan couldn’t even think properly. He hadn’t even processed the reason why he was so angry at Chuck. Sure, Jenny was still a teenager but he’d never been this mad when she’d claimed she lost her virginity to Damien Dalgaard. Why did Chuck make things so different?
It was about a week later that Dan realized that it was so different because he was more than fascinated with Chuck. Jenny had been there for Chuck when he had been at his weakest and Dan reasoned that he had been the one who had wanted to help Chuck for longer and yet his little sister had beaten him to the punch. Why had she been there anyway? Had she talked to Chuck before? How long had it been going on for?
Dan was definitely a little bit jealous of Jenny.
But then Chuck never came back. Blair hadn’t heard from him, Serena hadn’t, Lily hadn’t. Although he hadn’t admitted it to anyone, he was actually rather worried for the other man’s well-being. Chuck Bass just didn’t disappear, no matter how broken he was. He always came back with a better plan, causing more havoc. There was none of that. Just an empty silence where Chuck should have been dropping his thinly disguised insults.
Dan missed those insults. He missed Chuck in general these days.
Instead, he’d ended up with Georgina and baby Milo. As if that hadn’t been bad enough, he had Vanessa to deal with and Nate was being all funny around him and Serena still hadn’t chosen and Dan just needed an escape from everything.
When Chuck came back, Dan was definitely happier than he should have been. He hadn’t spoken to him or even mentioned him to others, but he was comforted by the fact the other man was alright. He had some new girlfriend and he seemed to be doing alright for himself. Dan was happy for him. He’d thought that the summer with Georgina and Milo would have stamped out any curiosity concerning Chuck and now he had Vanessa back too, but he couldn’t help but feel his heart jump every time he saw the other man on Gossip Girl or his name came up in conversation.
He was still in love with Serena, there was no question about that, and Vanessa was still very dear to him, but somehow Chuck had managed to stay in his head for two whole years, eating away at his mind and driving him insane with confusion. Just how had one drunken night and a confrontation in a prison cell caused him to become basically obsessed with the other man? It just didn’t make any sense.
Then again, a lot of the things that happened to Dan didn’t make much sense. Like the fact he wasn’t really Milo’s father and Georgina took him and disappeared, and the fact that Nate had a new girlfriend who was rather creepy and Dan suspected she was sort of mad at Serena for something. He just chose to block it all out. He really needed to sort his life out soon enough. It was getting pretty messed up, and that was without thinking about Chuck.
And then his father had told him that Jenny was coming home and his immediate reaction had been that he couldn’t think of a worse idea. His whole being just felt sick at the thought of seeing Jenny. She was his sister and he loved her dearly but for some strange reason, he wanted nothing to do with her. But he was too nice to object and so Jenny arrived back in Manhattan for just one day.
He and Eric had been in Jenny’s bedroom with her when he heard Chuck. Immediately his heart had leapt but Jenny and Eric were clearly too concerned about Chuck’s sudden appearance to worry about how Dan felt. He quickly gave off the excuse that he’d deal with Chuck and left the room to find him. He’d done that for two reasons - one, he couldn’t bear to look at Jenny any longer and two, he just wanted to speak to Chuck, even just to see him.
Their conversation was the same as always - traded insults, him brushing Chuck away and chuck being persistent. However, underneath all this, Dan was just desperate to talk to Chuck honestly, to tell him that he was still really sorry for selling him and his father out all those years ago and also that the real reason he hated Chuck wasn’t because he slept with Jenny, but the fact that Chuck hadn’t slept with him.
Dan wasn’t sure just when he’d come to that conclusion, but he was a smart guy and looking over all those confusing thoughts and awkward moments over the past two years, he’d realized that he was just jealous that Chuck never looked at him the same way that he looked at Blair or Serena. He wasn’t sure why he felt that way, or why he couldn’t just block it out, it was just something that happened. He wondered whether this was how Blair felt when she first fell for him - unable to get him out of her thoughts, jealous when she heard someone else had been near him, had slept with him - she’d resisted for almost a whole year and he didn’t know how.
He was pretty sure that he wasn’t gay, but straight guys didn’t fancy other guys, did they? Then again, it was Chuck Bass and everyone seemed to fall for Chuck Bass. Even Dan Humphrey, who’d spent his whole high school life and further hating him, had come to the conclusion that he wanted to sleep with Chuck.
It was just the sad truth that he’d probably never sleep with Chuck. He wasn’t even sure if Chuck swung that way.
He’d been so preoccupied with his thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed that Chuck had taken Jenny’s artbook. He’d just shrugged it off and tried to come to grips with the fact that somehow he’d fallen for Chuck.
It was only after Jenny had left town that a thought had hit him. Perhaps there was a way to get Chuck out of his system. He just needed to get the hatred between them back, and he had a perfectly good idea how to do that.
So he’d ruined Blair’s birthday and humiliated both of them and completely ruined their treaty under the pretence of getting back at them for banishing Jenny, but his father and Lily had overheard and been so disappointed with him. Dan was seriously starting to think about rehab, but talking to Vanessa seemed like a cheaper alternative. Somehow things had gotten so messed up and confusing in his life but he just still couldn’t bring himself to tell Vanessa.
Although it wasn’t exactly the most blissful period of his life, considering Juliet had decided to mess around with both him and Nate and had gotten Serena admitted into the Ostroff Center, he saw very little of Chuck and was thankful for that. He was truly beginning to feel like he
was over Chuck because seeing Serena so broken had affected him so much and he just had to help her. No matter how fascinated he’d been with Chuck, it couldn’t match how in love with Serena he was.
He knew he couldn’t turn Blair down when she came to him for help concerning Serena, and somehow that had ended up with him and Blair spending a whole holiday together. They’d gone to see a few films together, and he finally began to appreciate the fact that Blair wasn’t as inhuman and evil as he’d originally thought. If anything, it just made him hate Chuck even more for hurting her.
Yep, he was definitely over Chuck by now.
But that wasn’t enough. He had to get back at Chuck for affecting him so much and he had the perfect way to do that. He could see the appeal of being with Blair anyway, she was an intelligent young woman and he admired her for that. Getting with her had been far harder than expected, however. It had, of course, been made easier by Chuck and Raina. Blair had been broken by it and had come to him for help.
He’d been more than happy to oblige, not just because he knew he’d be getting back at Chuck but also because as time went on, he was really beginning to feel something akin to fondness over Blair. It was nothing compared to how he felt over Serena, even now that they’d taken a break, but it was something.
One kiss had turned into a whole lot more kisses, and with every day, Dan felt himself falling for Blair more and more. Whatever petty, ridiculous revenge he had planned on Chuck completely left his head.
That had been until Chuck had arrived at his door, angrier than he had seen him in a long time.
“What the hell have you been playing at, Humphrey?” he spat out, pushing his way into the loft. Dan stepped back to allow him in, stunned.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dan replied rather unconvincingly. Chuck just glared at him and Dan was forced to look away. He knew that Chuck could see right through him, there was no point in lying. Sighing, he shook his head and said, “I had no idea it mattered so much to you, Chuck.”
“Look, I have no idea just what you think you can get by sneaking around with Blair, but you’re wrong,” Chuck retorted, his sharp black suit standing out against the light-hearted surroundings of the loft.
It was at that point that Dan realized this was the first private conversation he and Chuck had been involved in for years. There’d been the one when Jenny had been back, but there was always a chance of her or Eric overhearing. In fact, this was probably the first time they’d been alone together since that night in the prison cell. A sudden rush of excitement and shame came back to him.
“I’m not using Blair,” he blurted out rather uselessly. Chuck’s expression made it clear that he didn’t believe him. “I’m not!” Dan protested, already feeling like he was fighting a losing battle.
“Well I suggest you break it off and stay away if you know what’s good for you,” came the cold response. Chuck’s eyes seemed completely
dead when he spoke and Dan felt a little cruel. Then again, he had no reason to feel that way. He wasn’t in the wrong, Chuck didn’t own Blair.
“Are you really threatening me, Chuck? Because it makes you look a bit pathetic,” Dan confessed with a shrug, a smirk tugging at his lips. Perhaps revenge wasn’t out of the question after all.
It seemed like his plan had worked at Chuck’s features immediately contorted and he took a step towards Dan. Dan didn’t budge, instead staring Chuck down. “You aren’t going to scare me off, Chuck,” he said plainly, “And it’s not as if I’m forcing Blair to do anything. She has a choice in it too, you know.”
Chuck didn’t respond, but his expression soured even further. Chuck was right up in Dan’s face now, so much that he could feel Chuck’s
breath on his face and he very almost melted on the spot. All those strange feeling he’d developed for Chuck came rushing back and he just felt overwhelmed by it all.
For several long moments the two men stood face to face, neither backing down - before Dan suddenly moved forward and crushed their lips together in a passionate kiss. He wrapped his hands around the back of Chuck’s head and back, holding him close. He felt the other man fight against him at first before he accepted the kiss and returned it.
All the blood immediately went to Dan’s crotch, and that was when Chuck took a large step back. Dan immediately felt as if he was missing something.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Humphrey?” snapped Chuck, but his voice was wavering slightly.
“Kissing you,” Dan shrugged, surprisingly carelessly. He should be panicking at that moment, but he felt calmer than ever.
There was a long silence before Chuck slowly nodded and said, “How long?” Dan didn’t need Chuck to elaborate any further.
“Since that night,” he confessed. Like Dan, Chuck didn’t need him to elaborate. He regarded Dan for a few seconds longer before narrowing
his asking, “Just what do you want?”
Frowning, Dan thought it over in his head for a few moments before sighing and shaking his head. “I’m not sure,” he admitted, feeling lost again. He wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. Not for the first time, his life was beginning to feel like a twisted dream or some messed up alternate reality.
“You’re going to leave Blair, you hear me?” Chuck said forcefully. However, before Dan could reply, Chuck was crushing their lips together, pushing him up against the door. His hands began wondering further south and Dan’s breath hitched as Chuck caressed the outline in his jeans.
“If you do, you just might get rewarded,” a voice whispered seductively in his ear, and Dan closed his eyes, savouring the moment.
He felt Chuck move away from him and even as he opened his eyes, the loft door was closing behind Chuck. Dan stared at it long and hard, just wishing Chuck hadn’t left. However, if the other man was to be taken honestly, he knew what he had to do - he had to break things off with Blair.
xoxo
Chuck closed the door of the loft behind him, breathing heavily. He’d wanted to kiss Dan Humphrey for two years but he’d been worried that he’d be getting yet another black eye for his trouble. Sure, he’d gotten one for sleeping with Jenny but that wasn’t the same.
He didn’t feel the same about Dan as he did about Blair, that much was clear. With Dan, it was some sort of sexual curiosity, a fascination that he couldn’t quash. He didn’t want it, he hated the Brooklyn boy and yet he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him for the past two years.
He wanted Blair back, but he wanted Dan Humphrey too. He wanted to relive every dream he’d had, every fantasy he’d been scared to tell
anyone, everything he hadn’t been able to try with Blair or Eva or any of those girl he’d slept with in the past two years.
He wanted Dan Humphrey because he could.
Pairings: Chuck/Dan, mentions of Chuck/Blair, Chuck/Jenny, Dan/Serena, Dan/Vanessa & Dan/Olivia.
Warnings: Dan and Chuck are very OOC.
Rating: PG-13
It began when he had ended up in a holding cell with Chuck after punching some guy for him. He wasn’t even quite sure why he had saves Chuck from getting beaten up. After all, he didn’t like the guy, he’d even punched Chuck himself before, so why had he done it? Dan told himself that it was because the other guy was a jackass and Dan didn’t like the idea of anyone but him punching Chuck. However, that in itself seemed very possessive and led to awkward thoughts. Instead, he had just decided that he liked to play the hero, even if he was protecting the villain. And at least it would make good material for his book.
Chuck had grasped his hand in that cell before leaving, and just for one fleeting moment, Dan lived in hope that maybe Chuck wasn’t so bad after all and school wouldn’t be a living hell anymore. But then, of course, the world had to screw him over by Chuck finding those story notes. To say that Dan was ashamed was an understatement. After what he’d heard from Chuck that night, he’d been prepared to burn those pages. However, after Chuck had stormed out, he couldn’t really think straight. He was more upset over Chuck finding the papers than he’d expected.
Avoiding had been fairly easy. He was LonelyBoy after all; he just disappeared into the crowds. There had been that whole incident where Chuck had gotten him tied to a pole half-naked in the Yale campus, but Nate had luckily helped him out before things got too bad. Plus, he did get a friend out of it, even if it did mean Chuck’s abuse became worse. It wasn’t the same abuse as before - Chuck was properly ignoring him, not even looking at him. For some reason, Dan preferred it when Chuck looked at him when insulting him.
He’d tried to stop thinking about it, thinking about Chuck, and for a while that worked. He had one of Jenny’s meltdowns and Yale applications for a distraction, but Chuck kept on coming back to haunt him. At Bart’s funeral, all he’d wanted to do was be there for Serena, for Lily, for Eric - and for Chuck, but he’d been forced to leave. Of course, he couldn’t really blame Chuck. If the situation had been reversed, he wouldn’t have wanted Chuck to be there. But at that moment, Dan couldn’t help but hate his father a little.
It happened again when he had played that drinking game with Vanessa and she’d told him that she’d slept with Chuck. Twice. He didn’t know why, but he’d felt something click inside of him. He didn’t even want to consider what that feeling was so he’d just ignored it and continued on with the game. It was only after Vanessa left that he began to wonder just why it had affected him so much. He told himself it was just because his best friend had slept with Chuck Bass, the most misogynistic ass Dan had ever had the misfortune to meet and he was just stunned at how low she had stooped.
That had to be it.
It was graduation day when he told Vanessa that he would miss how close Chuck would come to talk. He hadn’t even realized what he was saying at the time but he was just glad he’d stopped before he’d gone any further. He hadn’t even thought about Chuck since their drinking game and he’d have preferred to keep it that way, but sometimes his mind worked in mysterious ways. Vanessa thankfully didn’t seem to pick up on this much, but the feeling he’d had when she told him about sleeping with Chuck returned. He decided he hated that feeling.
Just being in the same room with Chuck brought that feeling back to the forefront of his mind. He’d been at the post-graduation party at Serena’s penthouse when he’d spotted Chuck across the room. Immediately his mood had dropped, and he’d ended up snapping at Serena and leaving quickly with Vanessa. He didn’t know quite why he acted that way, but he’d convinced himself that it was nothing to do with Chuck. He just wanted to get high school over and done with, and had been a bit rash when it came to keeping Serena in his life.
Then again, she had been a total bitch to him since they’d broken up for the second time, and attracted far too much attention for his liking. Perhaps cutting her out of his life wouldn’t be a bad idea after all. However, his father had managed to convince him that it wasn’t a good idea. Serena had basically put him into the public eye, and he still wasn’t sure whether or not it was a help or a hindrance. It certainly got him into a lot of trouble, but then again it had helped kickstart his career in some ways. He had to thank Serena for some things.
Still, whilst at Nate’s big graduation party, he had deliberately kept Vanessa with him at all times. He didn’t want to let himself get drunk, because goodness knows what he’d do. He’d been drunk and high that night out with Chuck, and he didn’t much fancy a repeat. Just looking at Nelly Yuki drunk out of her mind was enough to put him off. However, he hadn’t counted on Serena’s attempts to out Gossip Girl resulting in her announcing his night in prison. Sure, Jenny now knew he had messed up, but he was just thankful that it hadn't mentioned he’d been in there for defending Chuck. Jenny liked to jump to conclusions, so goodness knows what she would have thought. Because whatever conclusion she came to, it would of course be totally wrong. Unless she didn’t think anything of it; Dan approved of that idea. There was nothing to it, after all.
Luckily Blair kept Chuck distracted all night, doing god knows what. Probably telling him how much he loved her. He wasn’t even sure why she broke up with Nate. That horrible feeling returned soon after the thoughts and Dan had decided to drink to try and keep it away. Not so much that he would lose control, because that would just be embarrassing, but enough that he didn’t think about Chuck. He didn’t want to think about Chuck. Why would anyone want to think about Chuck?
He spent his whole summer thinking about Chuck.
Vanessa had been away with Nate and Jenny had been with Eric for most of it, and that left him with Serena, who, let’s face it, was more interested in running around being as controversial as possible. It wasn’t as if he could talk to Blair, so he’d been left to his thoughts and those had mostly revolved around Chuck. He still regretted taking that story in his pocket, and just wished Chuck hadn’t found it. What would have happened between them after that? Could they have possibly been friends?
He’d come to the conclusion that all he’d wanted was for Chuck to know that Dan would listen, that Dan could maybe even be a friend. That feeling was just because he liked helping people and he felt guilty that he’d hurt rather than helped Chuck.
But after a summer of thinking about Chuck, he was pretty sure it might have been more than that. You just didn’t spend seven weeks thinking about some guy you just wanted to be friends with. It was almost bordering on a creepy obsession at this point. However, he knew that Chuck and Blair were together and didn’t think any of it. It wasn’t as if he wanted Chuck or anything, it was just that Chuck fascinated him. Probably the same way he fascinated anyone else who didn’t want to sleep with him. It had always been fascination - Chuck was something completely new to him, so unpredictable and full of his own secrets. Dan just couldn’t help but want to find out more. Just that taste of getting to know about Chuck’s mother lingered in the back of his brain. He was sure Chuck had other personal traumas he needed a friend to help him understand.
But then Dan just felt like he was trying to exploit Chuck and felt very glad that Chuck had found the papers. Maybe he was wrong about himself, and he would have exploited Chuck for all he was worth, purely for his career. He just reasoned that he’d never know, because it hadn’t worked out like that. What was the point of thinking about something that would never be?
For the next couple of months, he saw very little of Chuck, which he was rather thankful for. Of course, Gossip Girl was constantly being updated with news about Chuck and Blair out on dates or arguing over some painting, but on the whole they looked happy. Despite the fact Dan very publically did not get on with either of them, he was happy for them. And he had Olivia and then Vanessa as distractions, although that was probably not the correct word to use for them. The thought of Chuck had almost completely left his mind, and for several blissful months, he’d been happy with his life.
But then he’d heard what Chuck had done to Blair, trading her out for his hotel and he just felt physically sick. What kind of man would do that? A disturbed and insecure person, for sure. Very few times in his life had he felt sorry for Blair, but this was one of them. He wasn’t sure how he’d ever been fascinated with Chuck, or even wanted to help him. What he’d just done was unforgivable and proved how much of a monster Chuck really was.
Apparently, Blair didn’t see it as such and had agreed to work with him in order to take down Serena’s psychotic dad and although Dan was completely comfortable with the idea, he agreed to help out. Hell, even Jenny was on board and Chuck had tried to rape her. Yet another reminder of the horrible piece of work Chuck could be. Once again, Dan hated himself for his fascination. Even now, he couldn’t let it go. Everything he’d done to Blair had just proved how damaged he really was. And so Dan kept on watching.
The last straw had come when Eric had told him to go see Jenny. He’d seen her crying, and there was something mentioned about Chuck and suddenly all the pieces had come to together. Jenny had slept with Chuck. He’d been mad at her for sending that picture to Gossip Girl, but he just couldn’t believe she’d stoop so low. She knew what Chuck had done and yet she’d still gone to him for comfort. Just what would possess her to do such a thing?
He’d gone to Blair and Chuck and he’d ruined their moment by punching Chuck in the face. The irony of the situation hadn’t even occurred to him, he’d been so wrapped up in the moment. There had been a confrontation and Jenny had been banished and Blair was leaving Chuck behind forever and everything was going so quickly that Dan couldn’t even think properly. He hadn’t even processed the reason why he was so angry at Chuck. Sure, Jenny was still a teenager but he’d never been this mad when she’d claimed she lost her virginity to Damien Dalgaard. Why did Chuck make things so different?
It was about a week later that Dan realized that it was so different because he was more than fascinated with Chuck. Jenny had been there for Chuck when he had been at his weakest and Dan reasoned that he had been the one who had wanted to help Chuck for longer and yet his little sister had beaten him to the punch. Why had she been there anyway? Had she talked to Chuck before? How long had it been going on for?
Dan was definitely a little bit jealous of Jenny.
But then Chuck never came back. Blair hadn’t heard from him, Serena hadn’t, Lily hadn’t. Although he hadn’t admitted it to anyone, he was actually rather worried for the other man’s well-being. Chuck Bass just didn’t disappear, no matter how broken he was. He always came back with a better plan, causing more havoc. There was none of that. Just an empty silence where Chuck should have been dropping his thinly disguised insults.
Dan missed those insults. He missed Chuck in general these days.
Instead, he’d ended up with Georgina and baby Milo. As if that hadn’t been bad enough, he had Vanessa to deal with and Nate was being all funny around him and Serena still hadn’t chosen and Dan just needed an escape from everything.
When Chuck came back, Dan was definitely happier than he should have been. He hadn’t spoken to him or even mentioned him to others, but he was comforted by the fact the other man was alright. He had some new girlfriend and he seemed to be doing alright for himself. Dan was happy for him. He’d thought that the summer with Georgina and Milo would have stamped out any curiosity concerning Chuck and now he had Vanessa back too, but he couldn’t help but feel his heart jump every time he saw the other man on Gossip Girl or his name came up in conversation.
He was still in love with Serena, there was no question about that, and Vanessa was still very dear to him, but somehow Chuck had managed to stay in his head for two whole years, eating away at his mind and driving him insane with confusion. Just how had one drunken night and a confrontation in a prison cell caused him to become basically obsessed with the other man? It just didn’t make any sense.
Then again, a lot of the things that happened to Dan didn’t make much sense. Like the fact he wasn’t really Milo’s father and Georgina took him and disappeared, and the fact that Nate had a new girlfriend who was rather creepy and Dan suspected she was sort of mad at Serena for something. He just chose to block it all out. He really needed to sort his life out soon enough. It was getting pretty messed up, and that was without thinking about Chuck.
And then his father had told him that Jenny was coming home and his immediate reaction had been that he couldn’t think of a worse idea. His whole being just felt sick at the thought of seeing Jenny. She was his sister and he loved her dearly but for some strange reason, he wanted nothing to do with her. But he was too nice to object and so Jenny arrived back in Manhattan for just one day.
He and Eric had been in Jenny’s bedroom with her when he heard Chuck. Immediately his heart had leapt but Jenny and Eric were clearly too concerned about Chuck’s sudden appearance to worry about how Dan felt. He quickly gave off the excuse that he’d deal with Chuck and left the room to find him. He’d done that for two reasons - one, he couldn’t bear to look at Jenny any longer and two, he just wanted to speak to Chuck, even just to see him.
Their conversation was the same as always - traded insults, him brushing Chuck away and chuck being persistent. However, underneath all this, Dan was just desperate to talk to Chuck honestly, to tell him that he was still really sorry for selling him and his father out all those years ago and also that the real reason he hated Chuck wasn’t because he slept with Jenny, but the fact that Chuck hadn’t slept with him.
Dan wasn’t sure just when he’d come to that conclusion, but he was a smart guy and looking over all those confusing thoughts and awkward moments over the past two years, he’d realized that he was just jealous that Chuck never looked at him the same way that he looked at Blair or Serena. He wasn’t sure why he felt that way, or why he couldn’t just block it out, it was just something that happened. He wondered whether this was how Blair felt when she first fell for him - unable to get him out of her thoughts, jealous when she heard someone else had been near him, had slept with him - she’d resisted for almost a whole year and he didn’t know how.
He was pretty sure that he wasn’t gay, but straight guys didn’t fancy other guys, did they? Then again, it was Chuck Bass and everyone seemed to fall for Chuck Bass. Even Dan Humphrey, who’d spent his whole high school life and further hating him, had come to the conclusion that he wanted to sleep with Chuck.
It was just the sad truth that he’d probably never sleep with Chuck. He wasn’t even sure if Chuck swung that way.
He’d been so preoccupied with his thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed that Chuck had taken Jenny’s artbook. He’d just shrugged it off and tried to come to grips with the fact that somehow he’d fallen for Chuck.
It was only after Jenny had left town that a thought had hit him. Perhaps there was a way to get Chuck out of his system. He just needed to get the hatred between them back, and he had a perfectly good idea how to do that.
So he’d ruined Blair’s birthday and humiliated both of them and completely ruined their treaty under the pretence of getting back at them for banishing Jenny, but his father and Lily had overheard and been so disappointed with him. Dan was seriously starting to think about rehab, but talking to Vanessa seemed like a cheaper alternative. Somehow things had gotten so messed up and confusing in his life but he just still couldn’t bring himself to tell Vanessa.
Although it wasn’t exactly the most blissful period of his life, considering Juliet had decided to mess around with both him and Nate and had gotten Serena admitted into the Ostroff Center, he saw very little of Chuck and was thankful for that. He was truly beginning to feel like he
was over Chuck because seeing Serena so broken had affected him so much and he just had to help her. No matter how fascinated he’d been with Chuck, it couldn’t match how in love with Serena he was.
He knew he couldn’t turn Blair down when she came to him for help concerning Serena, and somehow that had ended up with him and Blair spending a whole holiday together. They’d gone to see a few films together, and he finally began to appreciate the fact that Blair wasn’t as inhuman and evil as he’d originally thought. If anything, it just made him hate Chuck even more for hurting her.
Yep, he was definitely over Chuck by now.
But that wasn’t enough. He had to get back at Chuck for affecting him so much and he had the perfect way to do that. He could see the appeal of being with Blair anyway, she was an intelligent young woman and he admired her for that. Getting with her had been far harder than expected, however. It had, of course, been made easier by Chuck and Raina. Blair had been broken by it and had come to him for help.
He’d been more than happy to oblige, not just because he knew he’d be getting back at Chuck but also because as time went on, he was really beginning to feel something akin to fondness over Blair. It was nothing compared to how he felt over Serena, even now that they’d taken a break, but it was something.
One kiss had turned into a whole lot more kisses, and with every day, Dan felt himself falling for Blair more and more. Whatever petty, ridiculous revenge he had planned on Chuck completely left his head.
That had been until Chuck had arrived at his door, angrier than he had seen him in a long time.
“What the hell have you been playing at, Humphrey?” he spat out, pushing his way into the loft. Dan stepped back to allow him in, stunned.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dan replied rather unconvincingly. Chuck just glared at him and Dan was forced to look away. He knew that Chuck could see right through him, there was no point in lying. Sighing, he shook his head and said, “I had no idea it mattered so much to you, Chuck.”
“Look, I have no idea just what you think you can get by sneaking around with Blair, but you’re wrong,” Chuck retorted, his sharp black suit standing out against the light-hearted surroundings of the loft.
It was at that point that Dan realized this was the first private conversation he and Chuck had been involved in for years. There’d been the one when Jenny had been back, but there was always a chance of her or Eric overhearing. In fact, this was probably the first time they’d been alone together since that night in the prison cell. A sudden rush of excitement and shame came back to him.
“I’m not using Blair,” he blurted out rather uselessly. Chuck’s expression made it clear that he didn’t believe him. “I’m not!” Dan protested, already feeling like he was fighting a losing battle.
“Well I suggest you break it off and stay away if you know what’s good for you,” came the cold response. Chuck’s eyes seemed completely
dead when he spoke and Dan felt a little cruel. Then again, he had no reason to feel that way. He wasn’t in the wrong, Chuck didn’t own Blair.
“Are you really threatening me, Chuck? Because it makes you look a bit pathetic,” Dan confessed with a shrug, a smirk tugging at his lips. Perhaps revenge wasn’t out of the question after all.
It seemed like his plan had worked at Chuck’s features immediately contorted and he took a step towards Dan. Dan didn’t budge, instead staring Chuck down. “You aren’t going to scare me off, Chuck,” he said plainly, “And it’s not as if I’m forcing Blair to do anything. She has a choice in it too, you know.”
Chuck didn’t respond, but his expression soured even further. Chuck was right up in Dan’s face now, so much that he could feel Chuck’s
breath on his face and he very almost melted on the spot. All those strange feeling he’d developed for Chuck came rushing back and he just felt overwhelmed by it all.
For several long moments the two men stood face to face, neither backing down - before Dan suddenly moved forward and crushed their lips together in a passionate kiss. He wrapped his hands around the back of Chuck’s head and back, holding him close. He felt the other man fight against him at first before he accepted the kiss and returned it.
All the blood immediately went to Dan’s crotch, and that was when Chuck took a large step back. Dan immediately felt as if he was missing something.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Humphrey?” snapped Chuck, but his voice was wavering slightly.
“Kissing you,” Dan shrugged, surprisingly carelessly. He should be panicking at that moment, but he felt calmer than ever.
There was a long silence before Chuck slowly nodded and said, “How long?” Dan didn’t need Chuck to elaborate any further.
“Since that night,” he confessed. Like Dan, Chuck didn’t need him to elaborate. He regarded Dan for a few seconds longer before narrowing
his asking, “Just what do you want?”
Frowning, Dan thought it over in his head for a few moments before sighing and shaking his head. “I’m not sure,” he admitted, feeling lost again. He wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. Not for the first time, his life was beginning to feel like a twisted dream or some messed up alternate reality.
“You’re going to leave Blair, you hear me?” Chuck said forcefully. However, before Dan could reply, Chuck was crushing their lips together, pushing him up against the door. His hands began wondering further south and Dan’s breath hitched as Chuck caressed the outline in his jeans.
“If you do, you just might get rewarded,” a voice whispered seductively in his ear, and Dan closed his eyes, savouring the moment.
He felt Chuck move away from him and even as he opened his eyes, the loft door was closing behind Chuck. Dan stared at it long and hard, just wishing Chuck hadn’t left. However, if the other man was to be taken honestly, he knew what he had to do - he had to break things off with Blair.
xoxo
Chuck closed the door of the loft behind him, breathing heavily. He’d wanted to kiss Dan Humphrey for two years but he’d been worried that he’d be getting yet another black eye for his trouble. Sure, he’d gotten one for sleeping with Jenny but that wasn’t the same.
He didn’t feel the same about Dan as he did about Blair, that much was clear. With Dan, it was some sort of sexual curiosity, a fascination that he couldn’t quash. He didn’t want it, he hated the Brooklyn boy and yet he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him for the past two years.
He wanted Blair back, but he wanted Dan Humphrey too. He wanted to relive every dream he’d had, every fantasy he’d been scared to tell
anyone, everything he hadn’t been able to try with Blair or Eva or any of those girl he’d slept with in the past two years.
He wanted Dan Humphrey because he could.