FIC: Five Times Jared Hugged Jensen (and let go too soon)
Oh my god, I'm probably not sleeping tonight, 6am flight, BLARGH.
Title: Five Times Jared Hugged Jensen (and let go too soon)
Pairing: Jared/Jensen along with implied past Jared/Sandy & Jensen/Joanna
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,919
Disclaimer: Never ever ever ever happened. Not mine.
Notes: BMW!J2 verse! Beta'd once again by the incomprable dark_reaction whom I owe music and porns and I still have her Smirnoff in my fridge. ILU!
Also, I've pretty much stolen an entire dialogue exchange from the show, watch it here. So that brilliance is totally NOT mine at ALL. Oh, Cory :D
Summary: Jared knows he's always been there for Jensen. Though sometimes, he thinks he's come up a little short.
Five Times Jared Hugged Jensen (and let go too soon)
Jared remembers balancing precariously on the ledge of the llama pit that day in the Philadelphia Zoo. Sandy was upset because the lions were in cages and she didn't like seeing anything behind bars. That weird kid was looking at him again, the one sitting by himself on a bench, tearing off the crusts of his peanut-butter sandwich. He's the one with the leather jacket, the disdain for Feeny on the outside. But on the inside, (Jared knows this, their cubbies are next to each other's) he's the quiet, sad kid who can never afford to buy new crayons so he's always stealing them. Jared's been telling his Mom that he loses his crayons, or Chad eats them. For some reason, he really doesn't mind when the kid takes them.
Jared jumps up, yells to Sandy to look at him, and she nags back. Tells him he needs to come down, now and Feeny says the same thing.
He really needs to learn how to tie his shoes, because he trips on a lace and falls backwards onto a soft pile of hay. So one of them is looking at him, beady black eyes embedded in white fluff. The smell is the worst part -a mixture of hay and manure and everything that's wrong with the world. It starts bleating and snuffling him for food pellets. Jared screams and then that kid in the leather jacket is there. He freaking shoves the big animal back, and picks Jared up by the scruff of his polo shirt.
And once they're back over the fence, Jared just kinda clings to the kid, feeling the spring of his leather jacket push back against him. The kid pets him awkwardly, like he's just another needy animal in the zoo. Jared almost expects a mouthful of food pellets.
"Stop it!" Sandy stamps her foot, "You're boys!"
Jared jumps back and stuffs his fingers in his mouth. It's a bad habit. The kid just kinda pouts and looks at the ground. Jared wishes he could've held on just a little longer, but Sandy's always right, he's learned not to question it.
***
It's late, Jared should really be asleep. But instead he's up, there's murmuring in his room. Jared peeks out from under the covers and sees Chad and his mom standing by the window. She's in her robe and he's scratching his ear, whispering to her.
"Wha's goin' nnn?" He asks, mouth full of cotton or whatever that morning taste is. Only it's not morning, the light is dim in his room, for some reason the porch light is on, he can see it from the window.
"Honey, it's nothing just-" his Mom starts, but Chad interrupts with all the tact of a sleep-starved sixteen year old boy.
"Tell your trailer park friend to get the hell out of our backyard." Mom lightly smacks Chad's shoulder and Jared furrows his brow, finally pushing himself out of bed and half-stumbling to the window.
Jared's Dad is down there, standing on the porch. Jensen's there too, tossing a basketball around like it's nothing. Next thing Jared knows he's down there, and his Dad is giving him a hard look, patting his shoulder and telling him that he needs to get Jensen inside. Get him to talk. And then his father walks inside to the kitchen where his mother is already brewing tea and cocoa.
"Hey, Jensen." Jared says in a small voice, sleep still pulling at the edges of it.
Jensen turns a little, nods, "Hey" and takes a shot at the hoop over the garage, misses.
"Over here," Jared raises his hand and Jensen bounces the ball to him. Jared turns around and throws it towards the street.
"Dude," Jensen laughs darkly. "That's gonna hit a car and kill someone."
"Jensen, what are you-" Jared turns and stops, finally able to see his face in full, porch-light illuminating the black eye and the bloody cut on his cheek. He gets quiet. "Oh my god."
"What?"
"Jensen, what happened?" Jensen scratches his neck and weaves around him.
"You throw like a freaking girl, Jay."
"Your face."
"Oh yeah," Jensen snorts, touches his cheek carefully. "Got in a fight at the trailer park. Chris Kane hits like a bastard. But, no worries Jay, I got him back. Fucker has a glass jaw."
Jared knows he's lying, that his smile is fake. "Okay, Jensen, d'you wanna come inside now?"
"Nah." Jensen darts around, looking everywhere but Jared's eyes. "Got any new comics I can steal?"
"Jensen…"
Jensen hiccoughs, starts rubbing his other eye. "Really? Any games on now?"
"It's two in the morning," Jared almost moans and Jensen sucks in a breath, ducking his head as water hits the ground.
"I mean…" he's shaking and Jared gets close, just close enough to hear, "Who takes a sucker-punch from their mom, Jay?" Jared's hand is on his shoulder now.
"Was she drinking again?" He whispers. Jensen looks up and he's crying.
"Yeah…" Jensen whispers back. Shakes his head and tries to sidestep away from Jared, but he grabs him in a hug, and Jensen, for just a moment, lets go. Lets Jared hold him, lets his tears soak into his best friend's shoulder.
Jared's hand has a mind of it's own, and for some reason it settles on the back of Jensen's head, stroking to comfort and he feels it working, feels Jensen relaxing.
Jared makes the mistake of looking to the house and sees his parents, talking to each other, not really looking at him. But Chad's at the kitchen table, looking right at them, and raising an eyebrow.
Jared lets go, and Jensen gives him this horrible, confused look of pain and takes off.
The next day at school Jensen pretends like nothing happened, tells all the girls he can that he fought Chris Kane to save a bus of burning orphans and nuns or something. Sandy tugs at Jared's jacket, and asks him if it's true. Jared shakes his head and puts a finger to his lips.
Feeny breaks the mood by calling Jensen into his office, everyone "oooohs" under their breath as he struts off to the principal's office.
Later, in English class Jensen slides into his seat and gives Jared the worst look ever. Jared turns to ask him what happened in Feeny's office but Jensen ignores him.
"Jensen?"
"Traitor," he spits out and props up a textbook in front of his face.
They don't speak for nearly three days. It's the longest time either one of them has held a grudge this bad. Until out of nowhere Jensen sits next to him at lunch.
"Dude," Jared finally explains, "Feeny lives next door and my parent's must've-"
"So," Jensen interrupts, Cheshire grin on his face, "Did you see the game last night? Brutal for the Tigers, Phillies beat them suckers down."
***
Jared really hates Joanna.
She's just so incredibly awful to him, to Jensen. Even Sandy, who adores everyone, can't stand to be in the same room with her.
Jensen has issues, Jared gets it. He can't make a commitment, and he can't walk away from a bad situation. So Jared just has to support him, meet him in the library in secret. It's Jensen's idea.
Jensen initiates the hug, just kind of grabs him up and Jared has never been one to turn away a rare spate of physical affection from him.
He feels lips ghost against his neck. Shivers up his spine and suddenly, there's this whole other world he slips into. A whole other possibility. He could lift his arm up, put his hand on the back of Jensen's head and hold him there. Push his lips closer against his skin and, god his jeans would get tight.
Maybe Jensen's mouth would move a little, open and close against his skin, soft and full lips pressing into the juncture of his-
He could take his other hand, draw Jensen into his torso, lock him in there nice and tight, mouth on neck, warm body pressed up against his.
There's an alternate world where he does this: where he pulls Jensen close and just savors the feeling of him, where he tugs a little at his short hairs until Jensen leans back, and Jared can just, dip into his face, nuzzle him close, maybe even touch his mouth to his. Just quietly, softly. There's a world where it's him and Jensen hidden away in the library stacks, kissing each other. And it's okay.
Jared almost sighs when Jensen pulls away, lips making a tiny smack against his neck. Ducks his head and pretends it didn't happen. The door to this other world Jared's invented just slams shut.
"Hey, cinnamon bun!" Jared beams at him, heart stinging.
***
"So," Jensen says, sitting down close to him in the student union. "I was thinking about what we could do for your birthday this year."
Jared puts down the newspaper. "Oh yeah?" he asks. Smiling big and wide, with all his teeth.
"Yeah, maybe check out that new Thai place, head out for a movie or a game or something. Hey, maybe we can get out to that new club on Vanderbilt?"
Jared folds his paper and laughs quietly. "That, uh, that really won't be necessary."
"Oh? So what did you want to do?"
Jared gives him a look. "Oh, you know."
Jensen furrows his brow. "Jay?"
"I want it."
"Jared…" Jensen's eyes go wide, he's never heard that tone of voice before. "So, I'm guessing you wanna stay in?" He says, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice, face twisted in amusement.
"Or the road?" Jared shrugs.
"Jay! That's disgusting!"
"Jensen! Seventeen years with Sandy!" Jensen rolls his eyes, here it comes.
"I know."
"And what d'you think I got? Nothing!"
Jensen sighs.
"Do you know what I'm owed?"
"Yes."
"Do you intend to pay me?"
"Of course."
"In the road?"
Jensen looks to the sky, silent prayer for patience. "If we must."
"And," Jared wrings his hands, "you'll call me Don Francisco?"
"Yes," Jensen laughs, and Jared holds his breath.
"Yes, who?"
"Yes… Don Francisco." Jensen says, expression tight.
Jared beams and yanks Jensen forward by the collar of his jacket for a kiss. "See, that's why I love you!"
"Such a dork," Jensen shakes his head. Pulls at the fabric of his shirt while Jared dips down for another taste.
***
For his birthday, Jared gets a check from his father, a box of cookies from his mother, a gift-card from his sister and a reprieve from Mr. Feeny. He doesn't even say anything about propriety when he walks past Jared kissing Jensen while he sits atop a book cartel in the library. He just nods and says, "Happy birthday, Mr. Padalecki, Mr. Ackles, as you were."
They shrug and resume devouring one another's mouths.
They meet up with friends in the student union for a quick celebration. Danneel brings him a cake and gives him a nice looking black sweater as a gift. Mike and Tom go in on a booklet of Phillies tickets for him and Jensen to share.
Sandy sends him an e-card with a dancing llama. Jared wishes Jensen were secure enough in their relationship for him to show it. Jensen still prickles up when her name pops into conversations.
Chad somehow finds out about it, and gives him a box of extra-snug condoms; a tube of spermicidal lube (which would actually cause them to break, Jared notes); and a paper bag with a smiley face and two holes cut out for eyes.
"That's for Jensen, actually," Chad explains. "You put this on, and he won't have to see your creepy virgin 'o-face' tonight." Chad emphasizes his point by pretending to have a seizure.
Jared considers holding him down and making him eat the condoms, but Jensen's already pouring salt into his coffee while he's not looking.
Jensen gives him a keycard for a suite at the Philadelphia Grand Hotel, and tugs at his earlobe with his teeth.
There's a whirl of motion, and all that's left of Jared and Jensen is a cake-crumb-laden paper plate.
***
They nearly fall over each other getting to the bed, laughing and kissing each other. Jared's flushed with excitement, with warm fuzzy loving feelings. Hot with arousal as Jensen grinds against him.
Jacket off, sweater vest and button-up go flying. Jensen stops and makes him kick off his shoes and socks, while he does the same. Then yanks Jared on top of him by his belt. Jared growls, nuzzling Jensen's neck, kissing those freckles that he loves so much.
"Mmmm, Jared."
"Jen, god I've waited for this for so long. I love you." He wraps him in an embrace, tight and unyielding. He never wants to let go, wants to wake up wrapped in his arms, naked and fucked out of his mind . He can just picture it now, spooned together, hair mussed and bodies spent. Sweat-slicked skin, damp hair, and suddenly his mouth goes dry.
"I love you too, Jay, and-"
Jared then turns his head, clears his throat & makes a pained face.
"Jay?"
He coughs, "Agh, sorry to kill the mood Jen, 'm dying of thirst."
Jensen shrugs. "We've got all night, I saw a soda machine down the hall."
Jared smiles. "I'll be right back." He kisses Jensen's cheek and lets go. Climbs off of him, throws on his un-buttoned shirt and pads out into the hallway.
There's a guy in a robe next to the soda machine, getting ice. Jared steps forward and they nod at each other and-
"Jared?"
Jared turns, mouth dropping open. "Dad!"
Suddenly he straightens up, starts buttoning his shirt, not caring that they're in the wrong holes, and Jared's Dad drops the ice-bucket on the ground.
"Uhhhh… Dad?"
"Hello, there… son."
They stare at each other some more, unmoving.
"So…"
"Yeah…"
"I'm just, um, here on a school-thing, like a, project. About hotels."
"Oh! Oh of course and, and I'm just here because… Because of a… Grocery-store, thing. About hotels."
They're obviously both lying, and for minute, Jared thinks it's okay, that maybe he can just get away when the door next to his room opens and, ugh, his mother is there in a cleavage-bearing silky lingerie-thing and Jared's dick nearly falls off.
"Gerald honey, what's taking you- oh! Jared!" She scrambles to cover her chest and pull down the short skirt but the damage is done, and Jared looks at the ceiling and thinks it can't get any worse but then of course Jensen opens the door to his room and stands there in nothing but sexy, tight boxer-briefs.
"Hey Jay, I want orange soda if they… have… Oh fuck, Mr. Padalecki?!" His eyes go wide, and he looks like he's about to faint.
"Jensen?!" Jared's Mom peeks around the corner of her room, and he sees her too.
"Mrs. Padalecki!"
"Oh, perfect." Jared sighs.
***
"Oh god, I should have never left the damn room."
"It's okay, Jay."
"I am so," Jared leans up and pillows his head on Jensen's chest, "so sorry. It's just, I can't. Not knowing that they were, and my Mom wearing Victoria's Secret, and ugh! Jensen! My Dad, in his-his sex robe! You know how I like to pretend that they've only had sex 3 times because there's no evidence to the contrary?"
Jensen snorts, "Yeah, right."
"And I just, I don't know. It's lame, so lame but it's you, Jen. It means something. I didn't want to just come back to the dorm one day and have it be just another thing on my to-do list: 'Math homework, English essay, sex, brush teeth, cookies, brush teeth again-"
Jensen laughs, "Jared, I'm not impatient, okay? It's gonna happen, just not tonight."
"But, I wanted it-"
Jensen kisses the top of his head, "It'll happen when it happens. We don't actually have to plan it, Jay. I think it's better if it's just the right moment, y'know?" Jared sighs against him and Jensen gives him a reassuring squeeze, "Meanwhile, we can order room service and watch stupid movies."
"Feh."
"C'mon," Jensen kisses him, "Don Francisco." Raises an eyebrow and smirks.
"…Fine. I want more birthday cake. And ice-cream. And a steak."
***
It's a little over a week later, Jared's had the worst day. Late for all his classes, unprepared because he mis-read the homework assignment. Probably flunked Feeny's pop-quiz. Forgot his umbrella and his keys, so he gets back to the dorm freezing and soaking wet. Pounds on the door and whines until Jensen opens it.
"Jay? What happened to you?" Jared sighs at the sight. Jensen's wearing his glasses and pajama pants, black muscle shirt, books out on top of their bed. Jared almost falls forward, and Jensen turns to let him in, slamming the door.
Jared proceeds to tell Jensen about his day, pulling off his wet shoes and socks, his clinging sweater until he's just in his heavy wet jeans and white t-shirt, water soaked through his layers.
"Ugh, it was such a horrible day, and fucking Feeny and his multiple choice tests. You know he always makes you choose from like, A through M, because he's a freak and-"
"Jared," Jensen's voice is deep, deep and hungry. Jared looks up.
His face is flushing and he's standing there, just looking at Jared with his mouth hanging open slightly. Jared follows his eyes and looks down at his shirt. There's nothing on it, but it's thin enough that you can see his skin and nipples and-
Jensen's on him, spinning him around, and throwing him on the bed. Jared shoves the books on the floor, and Jensen pulls his glasses off, puts them aside. Kissing each other frantically now, and Jared has to writhe and wriggle to get out of his jeans. He's able to feel Jensen's hardness pressing into his thigh, and Jensen yanks the white shirt off of him, runs fingers against damp, clammy skin, sharing the warmth of his hands. His mouth wraps around one of Jared's nipples and sucks, and bites down. Jared nearly screams, but instead feels his cock rub against Jensen's. Electric thrills, and blood leaving the tips of his toes. Jensen happily helps himself to Jared's chest, and it's pure pleasure. Jared reaches down to press the heel of his hand against both of their cocks.
Minutes later, after fumbling with condoms and lube and laughing at how long it finally took, Jared is buried deep in Jensen. Rocking back and forth, the rain making snapping sounds at the window. Heavy droplets beating down and Jensen's moans, his incoherent sounds of pleasure. Jared lets go, finally just lets go and it's the best. It's really more than he could ever want, ever ask for. It's him and Jensen, twined together, unable to even separate one from the other.
"We-we're so good together," Jared says, not knowing what he really means.
Jensen nods, groans as Jared somehow gets deeper inside him.
"So good-"
"Always, Jay. Fuck! Yes!"
"So, so good."
"Together." Jensen reaches up to hold his face.
***
At the end of sophomore year, Jensen's father dies of a heart attack.
It takes time, but he pieces himself together over the summer. He and Mike go off together, drive around for a month or so, some kind of road-trip bonding. Mike stays at his parent's place, and Jensen comes back to Philly on a greyhound bus. Jared is there to greet him, and they're attached at the hip for the rest of the summer, like the one after freshman year.
They split their time between the Padalecki residence for meals and the required baby-sitting of Jared's little sister, and clearing out the Ackles' trailer. Jensen goes there and tells Jared stories about his Dad on his good days, on his bad days he just sits in the dorm, staring into the middle distance, body splayed across Jared.
Jensen talks quietly on those days, calls his counselor when it gets really bad, and just loses it on some of the worst days. It's equal amounts of anger and sadness that comes pouring out of him, streams of tears or rivers of swears.
It takes more of a toll on Jared than he realizes, just being there for it all.
In the waning days of August, it gets a little better. Jensen's really been dealing well, hasn't had a bad day or a bad night in a while. He even finished with the trailer, and Mike agreed to deal with it, sell it or rent it out or something. Jensen can't go back there anymore.
Jared returns to the dorm one day, arms full of used books and sour patch kids. Jensen's sitting on the bed, head in his hands.
Oh god, he was doing so well. Jared's shoulders start to fall.
"Jensen?"
He looks up. "Don't hate me, Jay."
Jared dumps the books on his shelf and tears open the bag of candy, he needs some of the red ones right now, they're the best. "I could never hate you. What happened?"
"Just…promise you won't get mad."
"I won't get mad." Jared says slamming a handful of soury, sugary things in his mouth.
"So, my Dad died…" Jensen begins. "And… Me 'n Mike were the only people in his will, right? So, we had uhh, an inheritance. And, um, while it made for some nice spending money, and Mike put the profits from the trailer away for me, and my Dad was helping me out some, but most of it was-"
Jared swallows, "Out with it, Jen."
"I met with my financial aid rep, I had a 'change in status' because I made too much from the inheritance to qualify for my aid or my work study."
Jared's jaw drops, Jensen can see little neon-colored pieces of candy sticking to his teeth.
"So, um, we worked it out with scholarships and loans so I can pay tuition. I mean, it's only two more years, and I can get a job but… Jared, I'm so sorry, I couldn't afford to keep both, housing and tuition. Mike's letting me move to the apartment now that Tom's gonna be on campus. He's helping me out with the rent until I can afford to do it myself."
The whole summer. The whole summer Jensen was just, there, and that's on top of two years of living together. They're not taking any classes together anymore, Jensen's a creative writing major and Jared's History. They're doing upper levels and-
"I'm never gonna see you."
"Don't, Jay."
"You're leaving me."
Jared doesn't know where this is coming from, all the stress and the tension and being there for Jensen, feels like a waste. Feels like all the building up they did is just gonna come crashing down, only it's him, his knees bending and tucking under him as he's dropping to the ground.
There's something rational in the back of his mind, telling him that of course he's gonna see Jensen, they're gonna make time for each other and he can always go to the apartment or vice versa. Jared is only vaguely aware that this voice is Jensen's, he's holding him close, whispering in his ear and kissing him.
Jared falls into the embrace, but he can't bring himself to return it, his arms just won't move.
***
end, for now.
Next time, on BMW!J2: How will Jared and Jensen get through the semester? What happens when Chad and Mike have a run-in with a thug? What about Tom?
Title: Five Times Jared Hugged Jensen (and let go too soon)
Pairing: Jared/Jensen along with implied past Jared/Sandy & Jensen/Joanna
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,919
Disclaimer: Never ever ever ever happened. Not mine.
Notes: BMW!J2 verse! Beta'd once again by the incomprable dark_reaction whom I owe music and porns and I still have her Smirnoff in my fridge. ILU!
Also, I've pretty much stolen an entire dialogue exchange from the show, watch it here. So that brilliance is totally NOT mine at ALL. Oh, Cory :D
Summary: Jared knows he's always been there for Jensen. Though sometimes, he thinks he's come up a little short.
Five Times Jared Hugged Jensen (and let go too soon)
Jared remembers balancing precariously on the ledge of the llama pit that day in the Philadelphia Zoo. Sandy was upset because the lions were in cages and she didn't like seeing anything behind bars. That weird kid was looking at him again, the one sitting by himself on a bench, tearing off the crusts of his peanut-butter sandwich. He's the one with the leather jacket, the disdain for Feeny on the outside. But on the inside, (Jared knows this, their cubbies are next to each other's) he's the quiet, sad kid who can never afford to buy new crayons so he's always stealing them. Jared's been telling his Mom that he loses his crayons, or Chad eats them. For some reason, he really doesn't mind when the kid takes them.
Jared jumps up, yells to Sandy to look at him, and she nags back. Tells him he needs to come down, now and Feeny says the same thing.
He really needs to learn how to tie his shoes, because he trips on a lace and falls backwards onto a soft pile of hay. So one of them is looking at him, beady black eyes embedded in white fluff. The smell is the worst part -a mixture of hay and manure and everything that's wrong with the world. It starts bleating and snuffling him for food pellets. Jared screams and then that kid in the leather jacket is there. He freaking shoves the big animal back, and picks Jared up by the scruff of his polo shirt.
And once they're back over the fence, Jared just kinda clings to the kid, feeling the spring of his leather jacket push back against him. The kid pets him awkwardly, like he's just another needy animal in the zoo. Jared almost expects a mouthful of food pellets.
"Stop it!" Sandy stamps her foot, "You're boys!"
Jared jumps back and stuffs his fingers in his mouth. It's a bad habit. The kid just kinda pouts and looks at the ground. Jared wishes he could've held on just a little longer, but Sandy's always right, he's learned not to question it.
***
It's late, Jared should really be asleep. But instead he's up, there's murmuring in his room. Jared peeks out from under the covers and sees Chad and his mom standing by the window. She's in her robe and he's scratching his ear, whispering to her.
"Wha's goin' nnn?" He asks, mouth full of cotton or whatever that morning taste is. Only it's not morning, the light is dim in his room, for some reason the porch light is on, he can see it from the window.
"Honey, it's nothing just-" his Mom starts, but Chad interrupts with all the tact of a sleep-starved sixteen year old boy.
"Tell your trailer park friend to get the hell out of our backyard." Mom lightly smacks Chad's shoulder and Jared furrows his brow, finally pushing himself out of bed and half-stumbling to the window.
Jared's Dad is down there, standing on the porch. Jensen's there too, tossing a basketball around like it's nothing. Next thing Jared knows he's down there, and his Dad is giving him a hard look, patting his shoulder and telling him that he needs to get Jensen inside. Get him to talk. And then his father walks inside to the kitchen where his mother is already brewing tea and cocoa.
"Hey, Jensen." Jared says in a small voice, sleep still pulling at the edges of it.
Jensen turns a little, nods, "Hey" and takes a shot at the hoop over the garage, misses.
"Over here," Jared raises his hand and Jensen bounces the ball to him. Jared turns around and throws it towards the street.
"Dude," Jensen laughs darkly. "That's gonna hit a car and kill someone."
"Jensen, what are you-" Jared turns and stops, finally able to see his face in full, porch-light illuminating the black eye and the bloody cut on his cheek. He gets quiet. "Oh my god."
"What?"
"Jensen, what happened?" Jensen scratches his neck and weaves around him.
"You throw like a freaking girl, Jay."
"Your face."
"Oh yeah," Jensen snorts, touches his cheek carefully. "Got in a fight at the trailer park. Chris Kane hits like a bastard. But, no worries Jay, I got him back. Fucker has a glass jaw."
Jared knows he's lying, that his smile is fake. "Okay, Jensen, d'you wanna come inside now?"
"Nah." Jensen darts around, looking everywhere but Jared's eyes. "Got any new comics I can steal?"
"Jensen…"
Jensen hiccoughs, starts rubbing his other eye. "Really? Any games on now?"
"It's two in the morning," Jared almost moans and Jensen sucks in a breath, ducking his head as water hits the ground.
"I mean…" he's shaking and Jared gets close, just close enough to hear, "Who takes a sucker-punch from their mom, Jay?" Jared's hand is on his shoulder now.
"Was she drinking again?" He whispers. Jensen looks up and he's crying.
"Yeah…" Jensen whispers back. Shakes his head and tries to sidestep away from Jared, but he grabs him in a hug, and Jensen, for just a moment, lets go. Lets Jared hold him, lets his tears soak into his best friend's shoulder.
Jared's hand has a mind of it's own, and for some reason it settles on the back of Jensen's head, stroking to comfort and he feels it working, feels Jensen relaxing.
Jared makes the mistake of looking to the house and sees his parents, talking to each other, not really looking at him. But Chad's at the kitchen table, looking right at them, and raising an eyebrow.
Jared lets go, and Jensen gives him this horrible, confused look of pain and takes off.
The next day at school Jensen pretends like nothing happened, tells all the girls he can that he fought Chris Kane to save a bus of burning orphans and nuns or something. Sandy tugs at Jared's jacket, and asks him if it's true. Jared shakes his head and puts a finger to his lips.
Feeny breaks the mood by calling Jensen into his office, everyone "oooohs" under their breath as he struts off to the principal's office.
Later, in English class Jensen slides into his seat and gives Jared the worst look ever. Jared turns to ask him what happened in Feeny's office but Jensen ignores him.
"Jensen?"
"Traitor," he spits out and props up a textbook in front of his face.
They don't speak for nearly three days. It's the longest time either one of them has held a grudge this bad. Until out of nowhere Jensen sits next to him at lunch.
"Dude," Jared finally explains, "Feeny lives next door and my parent's must've-"
"So," Jensen interrupts, Cheshire grin on his face, "Did you see the game last night? Brutal for the Tigers, Phillies beat them suckers down."
***
Jared really hates Joanna.
She's just so incredibly awful to him, to Jensen. Even Sandy, who adores everyone, can't stand to be in the same room with her.
Jensen has issues, Jared gets it. He can't make a commitment, and he can't walk away from a bad situation. So Jared just has to support him, meet him in the library in secret. It's Jensen's idea.
Jensen initiates the hug, just kind of grabs him up and Jared has never been one to turn away a rare spate of physical affection from him.
He feels lips ghost against his neck. Shivers up his spine and suddenly, there's this whole other world he slips into. A whole other possibility. He could lift his arm up, put his hand on the back of Jensen's head and hold him there. Push his lips closer against his skin and, god his jeans would get tight.
Maybe Jensen's mouth would move a little, open and close against his skin, soft and full lips pressing into the juncture of his-
He could take his other hand, draw Jensen into his torso, lock him in there nice and tight, mouth on neck, warm body pressed up against his.
There's an alternate world where he does this: where he pulls Jensen close and just savors the feeling of him, where he tugs a little at his short hairs until Jensen leans back, and Jared can just, dip into his face, nuzzle him close, maybe even touch his mouth to his. Just quietly, softly. There's a world where it's him and Jensen hidden away in the library stacks, kissing each other. And it's okay.
Jared almost sighs when Jensen pulls away, lips making a tiny smack against his neck. Ducks his head and pretends it didn't happen. The door to this other world Jared's invented just slams shut.
"Hey, cinnamon bun!" Jared beams at him, heart stinging.
***
"So," Jensen says, sitting down close to him in the student union. "I was thinking about what we could do for your birthday this year."
Jared puts down the newspaper. "Oh yeah?" he asks. Smiling big and wide, with all his teeth.
"Yeah, maybe check out that new Thai place, head out for a movie or a game or something. Hey, maybe we can get out to that new club on Vanderbilt?"
Jared folds his paper and laughs quietly. "That, uh, that really won't be necessary."
"Oh? So what did you want to do?"
Jared gives him a look. "Oh, you know."
Jensen furrows his brow. "Jay?"
"I want it."
"Jared…" Jensen's eyes go wide, he's never heard that tone of voice before. "So, I'm guessing you wanna stay in?" He says, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice, face twisted in amusement.
"Or the road?" Jared shrugs.
"Jay! That's disgusting!"
"Jensen! Seventeen years with Sandy!" Jensen rolls his eyes, here it comes.
"I know."
"And what d'you think I got? Nothing!"
Jensen sighs.
"Do you know what I'm owed?"
"Yes."
"Do you intend to pay me?"
"Of course."
"In the road?"
Jensen looks to the sky, silent prayer for patience. "If we must."
"And," Jared wrings his hands, "you'll call me Don Francisco?"
"Yes," Jensen laughs, and Jared holds his breath.
"Yes, who?"
"Yes… Don Francisco." Jensen says, expression tight.
Jared beams and yanks Jensen forward by the collar of his jacket for a kiss. "See, that's why I love you!"
"Such a dork," Jensen shakes his head. Pulls at the fabric of his shirt while Jared dips down for another taste.
***
For his birthday, Jared gets a check from his father, a box of cookies from his mother, a gift-card from his sister and a reprieve from Mr. Feeny. He doesn't even say anything about propriety when he walks past Jared kissing Jensen while he sits atop a book cartel in the library. He just nods and says, "Happy birthday, Mr. Padalecki, Mr. Ackles, as you were."
They shrug and resume devouring one another's mouths.
They meet up with friends in the student union for a quick celebration. Danneel brings him a cake and gives him a nice looking black sweater as a gift. Mike and Tom go in on a booklet of Phillies tickets for him and Jensen to share.
Sandy sends him an e-card with a dancing llama. Jared wishes Jensen were secure enough in their relationship for him to show it. Jensen still prickles up when her name pops into conversations.
Chad somehow finds out about it, and gives him a box of extra-snug condoms; a tube of spermicidal lube (which would actually cause them to break, Jared notes); and a paper bag with a smiley face and two holes cut out for eyes.
"That's for Jensen, actually," Chad explains. "You put this on, and he won't have to see your creepy virgin 'o-face' tonight." Chad emphasizes his point by pretending to have a seizure.
Jared considers holding him down and making him eat the condoms, but Jensen's already pouring salt into his coffee while he's not looking.
Jensen gives him a keycard for a suite at the Philadelphia Grand Hotel, and tugs at his earlobe with his teeth.
There's a whirl of motion, and all that's left of Jared and Jensen is a cake-crumb-laden paper plate.
***
They nearly fall over each other getting to the bed, laughing and kissing each other. Jared's flushed with excitement, with warm fuzzy loving feelings. Hot with arousal as Jensen grinds against him.
Jacket off, sweater vest and button-up go flying. Jensen stops and makes him kick off his shoes and socks, while he does the same. Then yanks Jared on top of him by his belt. Jared growls, nuzzling Jensen's neck, kissing those freckles that he loves so much.
"Mmmm, Jared."
"Jen, god I've waited for this for so long. I love you." He wraps him in an embrace, tight and unyielding. He never wants to let go, wants to wake up wrapped in his arms, naked and fucked out of his mind . He can just picture it now, spooned together, hair mussed and bodies spent. Sweat-slicked skin, damp hair, and suddenly his mouth goes dry.
"I love you too, Jay, and-"
Jared then turns his head, clears his throat & makes a pained face.
"Jay?"
He coughs, "Agh, sorry to kill the mood Jen, 'm dying of thirst."
Jensen shrugs. "We've got all night, I saw a soda machine down the hall."
Jared smiles. "I'll be right back." He kisses Jensen's cheek and lets go. Climbs off of him, throws on his un-buttoned shirt and pads out into the hallway.
There's a guy in a robe next to the soda machine, getting ice. Jared steps forward and they nod at each other and-
"Jared?"
Jared turns, mouth dropping open. "Dad!"
Suddenly he straightens up, starts buttoning his shirt, not caring that they're in the wrong holes, and Jared's Dad drops the ice-bucket on the ground.
"Uhhhh… Dad?"
"Hello, there… son."
They stare at each other some more, unmoving.
"So…"
"Yeah…"
"I'm just, um, here on a school-thing, like a, project. About hotels."
"Oh! Oh of course and, and I'm just here because… Because of a… Grocery-store, thing. About hotels."
They're obviously both lying, and for minute, Jared thinks it's okay, that maybe he can just get away when the door next to his room opens and, ugh, his mother is there in a cleavage-bearing silky lingerie-thing and Jared's dick nearly falls off.
"Gerald honey, what's taking you- oh! Jared!" She scrambles to cover her chest and pull down the short skirt but the damage is done, and Jared looks at the ceiling and thinks it can't get any worse but then of course Jensen opens the door to his room and stands there in nothing but sexy, tight boxer-briefs.
"Hey Jay, I want orange soda if they… have… Oh fuck, Mr. Padalecki?!" His eyes go wide, and he looks like he's about to faint.
"Jensen?!" Jared's Mom peeks around the corner of her room, and he sees her too.
"Mrs. Padalecki!"
"Oh, perfect." Jared sighs.
***
"Oh god, I should have never left the damn room."
"It's okay, Jay."
"I am so," Jared leans up and pillows his head on Jensen's chest, "so sorry. It's just, I can't. Not knowing that they were, and my Mom wearing Victoria's Secret, and ugh! Jensen! My Dad, in his-his sex robe! You know how I like to pretend that they've only had sex 3 times because there's no evidence to the contrary?"
Jensen snorts, "Yeah, right."
"And I just, I don't know. It's lame, so lame but it's you, Jen. It means something. I didn't want to just come back to the dorm one day and have it be just another thing on my to-do list: 'Math homework, English essay, sex, brush teeth, cookies, brush teeth again-"
Jensen laughs, "Jared, I'm not impatient, okay? It's gonna happen, just not tonight."
"But, I wanted it-"
Jensen kisses the top of his head, "It'll happen when it happens. We don't actually have to plan it, Jay. I think it's better if it's just the right moment, y'know?" Jared sighs against him and Jensen gives him a reassuring squeeze, "Meanwhile, we can order room service and watch stupid movies."
"Feh."
"C'mon," Jensen kisses him, "Don Francisco." Raises an eyebrow and smirks.
"…Fine. I want more birthday cake. And ice-cream. And a steak."
***
It's a little over a week later, Jared's had the worst day. Late for all his classes, unprepared because he mis-read the homework assignment. Probably flunked Feeny's pop-quiz. Forgot his umbrella and his keys, so he gets back to the dorm freezing and soaking wet. Pounds on the door and whines until Jensen opens it.
"Jay? What happened to you?" Jared sighs at the sight. Jensen's wearing his glasses and pajama pants, black muscle shirt, books out on top of their bed. Jared almost falls forward, and Jensen turns to let him in, slamming the door.
Jared proceeds to tell Jensen about his day, pulling off his wet shoes and socks, his clinging sweater until he's just in his heavy wet jeans and white t-shirt, water soaked through his layers.
"Ugh, it was such a horrible day, and fucking Feeny and his multiple choice tests. You know he always makes you choose from like, A through M, because he's a freak and-"
"Jared," Jensen's voice is deep, deep and hungry. Jared looks up.
His face is flushing and he's standing there, just looking at Jared with his mouth hanging open slightly. Jared follows his eyes and looks down at his shirt. There's nothing on it, but it's thin enough that you can see his skin and nipples and-
Jensen's on him, spinning him around, and throwing him on the bed. Jared shoves the books on the floor, and Jensen pulls his glasses off, puts them aside. Kissing each other frantically now, and Jared has to writhe and wriggle to get out of his jeans. He's able to feel Jensen's hardness pressing into his thigh, and Jensen yanks the white shirt off of him, runs fingers against damp, clammy skin, sharing the warmth of his hands. His mouth wraps around one of Jared's nipples and sucks, and bites down. Jared nearly screams, but instead feels his cock rub against Jensen's. Electric thrills, and blood leaving the tips of his toes. Jensen happily helps himself to Jared's chest, and it's pure pleasure. Jared reaches down to press the heel of his hand against both of their cocks.
Minutes later, after fumbling with condoms and lube and laughing at how long it finally took, Jared is buried deep in Jensen. Rocking back and forth, the rain making snapping sounds at the window. Heavy droplets beating down and Jensen's moans, his incoherent sounds of pleasure. Jared lets go, finally just lets go and it's the best. It's really more than he could ever want, ever ask for. It's him and Jensen, twined together, unable to even separate one from the other.
"We-we're so good together," Jared says, not knowing what he really means.
Jensen nods, groans as Jared somehow gets deeper inside him.
"So good-"
"Always, Jay. Fuck! Yes!"
"So, so good."
"Together." Jensen reaches up to hold his face.
***
At the end of sophomore year, Jensen's father dies of a heart attack.
It takes time, but he pieces himself together over the summer. He and Mike go off together, drive around for a month or so, some kind of road-trip bonding. Mike stays at his parent's place, and Jensen comes back to Philly on a greyhound bus. Jared is there to greet him, and they're attached at the hip for the rest of the summer, like the one after freshman year.
They split their time between the Padalecki residence for meals and the required baby-sitting of Jared's little sister, and clearing out the Ackles' trailer. Jensen goes there and tells Jared stories about his Dad on his good days, on his bad days he just sits in the dorm, staring into the middle distance, body splayed across Jared.
Jensen talks quietly on those days, calls his counselor when it gets really bad, and just loses it on some of the worst days. It's equal amounts of anger and sadness that comes pouring out of him, streams of tears or rivers of swears.
It takes more of a toll on Jared than he realizes, just being there for it all.
In the waning days of August, it gets a little better. Jensen's really been dealing well, hasn't had a bad day or a bad night in a while. He even finished with the trailer, and Mike agreed to deal with it, sell it or rent it out or something. Jensen can't go back there anymore.
Jared returns to the dorm one day, arms full of used books and sour patch kids. Jensen's sitting on the bed, head in his hands.
Oh god, he was doing so well. Jared's shoulders start to fall.
"Jensen?"
He looks up. "Don't hate me, Jay."
Jared dumps the books on his shelf and tears open the bag of candy, he needs some of the red ones right now, they're the best. "I could never hate you. What happened?"
"Just…promise you won't get mad."
"I won't get mad." Jared says slamming a handful of soury, sugary things in his mouth.
"So, my Dad died…" Jensen begins. "And… Me 'n Mike were the only people in his will, right? So, we had uhh, an inheritance. And, um, while it made for some nice spending money, and Mike put the profits from the trailer away for me, and my Dad was helping me out some, but most of it was-"
Jared swallows, "Out with it, Jen."
"I met with my financial aid rep, I had a 'change in status' because I made too much from the inheritance to qualify for my aid or my work study."
Jared's jaw drops, Jensen can see little neon-colored pieces of candy sticking to his teeth.
"So, um, we worked it out with scholarships and loans so I can pay tuition. I mean, it's only two more years, and I can get a job but… Jared, I'm so sorry, I couldn't afford to keep both, housing and tuition. Mike's letting me move to the apartment now that Tom's gonna be on campus. He's helping me out with the rent until I can afford to do it myself."
The whole summer. The whole summer Jensen was just, there, and that's on top of two years of living together. They're not taking any classes together anymore, Jensen's a creative writing major and Jared's History. They're doing upper levels and-
"I'm never gonna see you."
"Don't, Jay."
"You're leaving me."
Jared doesn't know where this is coming from, all the stress and the tension and being there for Jensen, feels like a waste. Feels like all the building up they did is just gonna come crashing down, only it's him, his knees bending and tucking under him as he's dropping to the ground.
There's something rational in the back of his mind, telling him that of course he's gonna see Jensen, they're gonna make time for each other and he can always go to the apartment or vice versa. Jared is only vaguely aware that this voice is Jensen's, he's holding him close, whispering in his ear and kissing him.
Jared falls into the embrace, but he can't bring himself to return it, his arms just won't move.
***
end, for now.
Next time, on BMW!J2: How will Jared and Jensen get through the semester? What happens when Chad and Mike have a run-in with a thug? What about Tom?