Mensa AU Fic Exchange: "Of Fools and Lovers" 3/3 for ras_elased
Continued from part one and part two...
John hadn't foreseen this. But Rod was known for being sneaky when it suited him. Warm, familiar lips covered his own gently, the hand gripping his chin carefully keeping John from drawing away.
He tried to remain unimpressed to tell himself that the kiss meant nothing, that this was just Rod trying to win an argument. And yet, deep inside he could feel the change starting, creeping up on him like the evening mist over Atlantis' vast ocean. The doubts that had started to rise during the course of the last two days started to blur. The one thing, despite the arguments they'd had over the years, Rod had never purposely done was to lie to him.
John shivered in reaction. The coldness that he had tried to shroud himself in, hoping to block out his own insecurities and hurt feelings was slowly, steadily driven out by warm hands and lips, and the familiar scent of his lover's aftershave. The last step, John knew would be his to take. That was just like it had always been, Rod's way. He would instigate but he would never venture further where he wasn't invited.
When Rod's tongue started to trace over his own still closed lips, John couldn't help himself. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed the other man's scent, his taste that now filled his starved senses. Trying to remain unmoved by Rod's closeness had always been impossible for John even before they became lovers. When Rod's other hand took hold of John's biceps and started to pull him out of his seat and towards the other man, John offered no resistance.
He raised a hand to Rod's chest, when the other man broke the kiss not quite knowing if he wanted to push him away or draw him closer, half leaning against half sitting on the edge of his desk to retain a bit of distance between them. Beneath his splayed fingers, John felt the frantic beat of his lover's heart, betraying the man's anxiety. Catching his breath so hard it was nearly painful, John looked up into Rod’s face. Eyes closed, lips slightly damp and reddened from their kiss, Rod just waited for John's decision.
John's gaze came to rest on the pulse point, that small, vulnerable spot at the base of his lover's throat he loved to kiss. As if the strong, fast drumming beneath his palm hadn't been confirmation enough, the visual proof of his lover's agitation was what finally broke John's resolve.
With a soft, almost broken sound, John pulled the sturdy body close to his own, wrapping himself in its strength and warmth, the voice inside his head calling him ten kinds of fool. John hadn't known one could miss this so much, that he could miss this so much. His past affairs never had lasted long enough to get used to anything even remotely like this, and he had made it a habit never to enter into a relationship with someone whom he might meet again in an official capacity when one of them broke things off. Only taking what he needed while trying to avoid unnecessary entanglements.
John was so lost in the feeling of being held in his lover's arms again, he nearly missed it. Words, apologies wrapped in kisses, pressed onto his lips, his chin the crook of his neck, and with an aching kind of tenderness he realized that they'd both been fools for risking this because of hurt pride.
Two men so different in their upbringing, their background, their patterns of behaviour, how could they have thought this would work without at least setting some ground rules. None of them was good at talking about their feelings. John had never learned how and Rod had perfected the art of hiding his in plain sight. Always appearing open and friendly, pretending to let you get to know him when in reality only a very select few knew the man behind that friendly mask. It were the little things, the swear words, the verbal scuffles that signaled the degree of Rod's trust in a person.
John had never thought about the possibility that Rod wouldn't simply tell him to do or be something John wasn't comfortable with. His lover had probably thought that John had wanted to stay apart, wanted to spend his nights with his work rather than with Rod.
Letting out a choked, slightly hysterical laugh, John pulled and pushed until Rod was standing between John's spread thighs, both of them kept standing only by support of the desk John was leaning against.
“Hey,” John whispered, not quite believing what a mess he'd made of things. He held his breath when Rod lifted his head from its resting place on John's shoulder to smile at him. Tracing one high cheekbone with careful fingers, John really noticed for the first time how tired the other man looked. The blue eyes were slightly red-rimmed from lack of sleep, dark, bluish shadows marking a face he wasn't used to seeing like this, naked and without the normal censor of Rod's sharp intellect. Another indicator of Rod's trust in John.
The knowledge as well as the feelings displayed only for his own benefit, made John tremble inside. So much responsibility, to be trusted by another human being this much, trusted by Rod this much, and John had to swallow against the tightness in his throat that threatened to choke him. The realization of what he'd nearly lost because of his pettiness made him hold on tighter, making Rod laugh when John wrapped suddenly shaky arms around his waist a bit too tightly, while leaning in to brush a soft kiss over tempting lips.
“Hey, yourself,” Rod murmured into John's kiss before drawing back to look at him. Although a bit worn around the edges, Rod's smile was beautiful, despite the now quite obvious exhaustion that made his skin appear nearly translucent. Delighted and relieved, John met the tired eyes with his own, trying to imprint this moment into his memories so he wouldn't forget, ever again.
“I'm sorry.” John swallowed hard. “Sorry for doubting you, for not giving you the chance to... “, he coughed, unwilling to stop now for fear this would stand between them forever if he did. “I was...she just...I was jealous.” Whoever had said confession was good for the soul was a damn liar in John's book, all it did was make him feel extremely foolish, until Rod leaned in, pressing their foreheads together, noses rubbing against each other ticklishly.
It felt good to be able to really smile again, so he did; watching Rod's hands move slowly over John's forearms, down his sides to come to rest at his hips. “You know, John, for a genius, you can be really dumb, sometimes.” He anticipated John's token protest and kissed him silent instead, continuing; “but then again, the same applies to me as well. “
For that, John had to retaliate. As one kiss became two, became many, he felt more content with his life than he'd been in a long time. He would have been pretty happy just staying here with Rod, propped against each other and receiving kiss after glorious kiss, feeling finally alive again. But Rod apparently had other plans.
“C'mon, let's get out of here and get some sleep. Tomorrow we have to lay some ground rules. Also, I'll have to explain to you why being gay means you only get to be jealous of the male half of the population.“
John tilted his head as he gazed at his lover, smirking a bit now that he was sure of his place in Rod's life again. “You're gay? You never told me you were...“
Strange, that being kissed into silence didn't seem as upsetting as it had been when Rod had tried it once before, but the small smirk on his lover's wide mouth told John, that there would be teasing and laughter in his future.
As they separated slowly, almost reluctantly, to move out of the lab and towards a room with a little more privacy, John could feel Rod's hand pressing against the small of his back. It remained there while they began to walk slowly towards the transporter that would deliver them near John's quarters; choosing by mutual, unvoiced consent the shortest way to find some privacy.
Stepping into the transporter, Rod pulled him close against his side, bestowing another kiss onto John's lips as if he couldn't bear to be separated by even this short a distance.
Hugging John closer to him until the stood almost nose to nose Rod gazed up at John. “Well, Dr. Sheppard, to get back to your earlier comment and just to make sure we're on the same page here, let's face the facts, shall we.” Another kiss and why wasn't the transporter moving already John wondered abstractedly, lost in the kiss. “I'm involved, in a relationship, having made love to and been made love to by a man. What does this information tell you?” Rod continued in his 'figure-it-out-for-yourself' voice.
John pretended to grumble a bit, but realized that, yes, apparently this was the way they communicated best. Moving them around a bit so he was able to lean against against the wall nearest to the exit, he allowed himself a smirk of his own, feeling giddy and relieved and, yes happy. Finally, John could feel them moving.
“That you have become somewhat more adventurous in your old age?” He was out of the door before Rod could catch him, mentally opening the door to his quarters when he was still a few steps away. He nearly made it, too, before he was caught and turned around. Instead of the expected kiss, Rod flicked his nose with his tongue, making John grimace at the wetness where it definitely didn't belong. “Ew,” his protest only made Rod laugh at him and try again. When John curled away from the attack, his lover laughed into his ear, his hot breath making John shiver in reaction.
“Last one in the shower's a rotten egg,” he whispered and off he went.
John simply stood there for a heartbeat or two, smiling into thin air and sharing his happiness with his second favourite entity in the pegasus galaxy. In the back of his mind, John could hear Atlantis hum approvingly, content that he was finally talking to her again and sharing his happiness with her. John didn't care what others might believe. The city had her own mind her own sense of consciousness, and she reacted most strongly to the feelings of those she cared about the most. Those she considered children as well as her protectors, especially John and Rodney and even Radek. And John took care not to let her feel his anger when he was really upset, he didn't want to be the one from whom she learned about hate from.
But this, this moment he could share with her; the elation of having his lover back with him. A lover who knew him and chose him because of who he was, who they both were and an ancient city to guard them and those they cared for in its embrace. Laughing softly he went after his errant lover, starting to shed his clothes as soon as the door closed behind him.
In the shower he could hear Rod, already under the hot steam, singing a horribly out of tune song John remembered vaguely from his own, not quite as misspent youth.
* * *
A few doors further down the otherwise silent corridor, Sam sat down on her bed with a thump. How could she have been such a blind fool. What must they, what must he think of her, of her not so professional conduct.
It felt as if she'd awoken out of a fevered dream via the benefit of a squall of purest ice-water. If this little loss of her senses became known at home, she wouldn't be able to show her face either here or at the mountain without being ridiculed.
Looking up, Sam noticed the small picture which had sat on her bedside table for the last few months now, helping her to keep the memories of missions gone bad and the loneliness that had become her constant companion at bay. She reached over and, after a moment's thought, removed it from the frame. Gazing at the smiling face, captured in colourful detail and yet unable to contain all that energy and charisma that were the man's trademark in real life, Sam took one last, sobbing breath, before starting to shred the photograph into the tiniest possible pieces.
No matter how well done the picture had been, tonight she had seen Rod McKay's real smile, and it hadn't been her he'd smiled at.
Falling back unto the bed, Sam let the tears come. Tomorrow, tomorrow was another day and though it might hurt, now that she knew, that she was able to see what other's couldn't because they lacked her insight on the matter, she would do her outmost to act like a colleague and capable scientist should. No matter what the future held in store for her, Sam would show them that she was more than a silly woman who had developed an infatuation with her boss.
Unheard by the crying woman, Atlantis crooned softly to comfort her. And, if Sam felt a bit of warmth were there had only been the bone deep chill of her loss, she didn't attribute it to a city she could not hear nor see properly. But Atlantis took care of all of her children, even of the lost ones, the ones unable to hear what she was trying to tell them.
A few floors down, in the bowels of the central computer that was the ancient city's heart, a few sub-routines were changed, an innocuous little message readied to be dispatched with the next data-burst to earth. John or Rod would have noticed, if they had paid attention to her then, but the city knew they were both preoccupied, happily lost in each other at the moment.
* * *
Oh, Rod sighed softly, this was good. Steaming hot water pounded onto his tired body. The elation about the way things had turned out between him and John left Rod feeling both, exhausted, and wired with the leftover adrenaline from their earlier fight.
A draft of slightly cooler air made him aware of his lover's presence inside the shower cubicle. About to turn around and get some more of John's intoxicating kisses, he was pushed around again gently and told to “hold still. Your knots have knots on them. No wonder you were looking so pale. This must hurt like hell.” Understatement of the century, Rod thought while trying to remain upright as the hands he'd fantasised about earlier started to work on his aching neck.
“Hey, I'm not...oh, yeah. Don't stop…” Rod let his head sink forward until his forehead touched the pale-blue tiles, relaxing as strong, skilful fingers started to unravel the knotted muscles. His memory had been correct, this was complete and utter bliss.
John stepped closer, close enough that Rod could feel him as additional body-heat even through the falling water surrounding them both. Rod couldn't help but think that John's massages were nearly as wonderfully relaxing as the man's skills in other areas concerning both Rod and nakedness. He didn’t know what he would have done if John hadn’t believed him. Maybe it really was as simple as Rod’s being willing to let his guard down completely.
This freedom of being who he was, of not having to hide, to not having to always be polite and understanding of others was something Rod thought only the other Rodney, far away in his own galaxy could have. Rod wasn’t sure if what happened those last few days with John and him was something unique to the both of them, or if lovers throughout the galaxies faced the same predicament at least once in the building of each new relationship.
He must have made another sound, or said some of the things he'd been thinking out loud, because Rod could hear John's laugh, earthy and as unexpected a gift as their being here tonight. Strong arms wrapped around him from behind, hugging him close until he could feel the rapid-fire beat of John’s heart against his back, could almost imagine he could hear each beat resonating inside himself. As if his lover's heart was beating in Rod’s chest as well.
The sound seemed to be moving through Rod's body. At first steadily comforting then lightening fast and arousing. He had to turn around, had to look at John now. As if reading his mind, John was helping him turn, mindful of the slightly slippery shower-floor.
Pressing closer, his wakening arousal fitting nicely between their water-slicked bodies where it was met by John's own growing hardness, Rod took them both in hand. He stroked slowly, not wanting to end this too soon, his gaze riveted to John's face. Fascinated by the want and desire for him he could see displayed upon it, he watched the pink tip of John’s tongue as it licked water droplets from slightly parted lips. Rod moaned softly. He pulled his lover's head closer, weaving his free hand into the dark, unruly hair to get better leverage. Avidly, he watched through slitted eyes as John bent down to caress Rod's face; green eyes focused on his mouth. Seconds ticked by in seeming slow motion before their lips finally reconnected.
Sometimes Rod forgot that John was actually slightly taller than him. Tonight, it only added to his excitement, creating the illusion of not being the one in charge for a change, of being taken care of instead. Only, it wasn't really an illusion. His remarkably knot-free neck testimony to the give and take that had helped them pull through and led them to this slow re-discovery of each other.
Rod sank into the kiss, letting go of the thoughts and responsibilities that would still be waiting for them tomorrow. Tonight was theirs, they'd earned it, and Rod was determined to make the most of it. In fact, Rod intended to take every opportunity to make sure they had many more nights like this one to look forward to in the future. No more misunderstandings, he didn't want through another three days like this. The next time someone asked him about his matrimonial status, he’d simply point them in John’s direction that ought to take care of any misunderstandings from now on right away.
* * *
John slid against his lover's water slicked body, their erections trapped between them as they moved together effortlessly. He kissed his way over broad shoulders towards his favourite spot, lips teasing the tender skin where the vibrations of his lover's heart-beat begged for his kiss. John obliged before he followed the line of throat down to the pale chest, leaving small, reddish marks in the wake of his mouth, were sharp teeth had nipped the skin, careful not to hurt his lover, but leaving faint marks of John's passing acquaintance with them. Marks only the two of them would know about, for they'd have vanished come morning.
He was about to slide lower, to taste his lover more intimately, eager to re-learn every part of the strong body he’d missed the feel of, but Rod's hands stopped him, tucking John up again, a position almost similar to the one they'd assumed in John's lab.
Looking down into the face he'd feared never seeing like this again, so filled with desire for him, John saw that his lover was already close to loosing control. “Not now,” Rod said hoarsely. “Need to hold you, need you close,” and he moaned again when John obeyed by wrapping his arms around the wet body pressed against him so intimately.
Grabbed and hauled even closer by nearly desperate hands, the combination of water and previously applied shower-gel made John thrust against the slippery flesh of his lover's hip and stomach, feeling their erections slide together as if they, too were kissing. Groaning and bestowing frantic little kisses onto Rod's hot skin, John could already feel their release approaching, attuned to the body in his arms in a way he hadn't been before. After all the excitement from earlier, John was torn by the desire to prolong their arousal as long as possible and to come fast and hard, knowing they would both crash fast after their orgasm.
He held on to Rod, manouovering his right leg between the spread thighs of his lover to press even closer, steadying them both as their thrusts grew faster, harder. Looking up from where he had watched the slide of their erections, sheltered from most of the water between their water-slicked bodies, he met Rod's gaze, holding on to it like a lifeline. John had never noticed before how the tiles in his shower complimented the blue of Rod’s eyes, he could feel the tremors start from deep inside him now, telling him it was time, now.
John tried to hold back as long as possible, watching his face as Rod came, John's name on his lips, whispered like a prayer, like a confession. And in the end, what did if matter if John didn't believe in anything that wasn't provable, couldn't be caught and calculated on paper. For this, oh...he shuddered, caught almost in the same moment of delight as his lover, riding the crest of the wave that seemed to have passed from one lover to the other, for this he'd just received all the proof he would ever need.
No, John decided, wrapping himself around the man in his arms as if he could merge a part of himself into the others' skin through osmosis, to be a part of him, forever. No, John didn't need evaluations, numbers or dry theories to explain what they had managed to built between them despite John's own ignorance in matters of the heart. It simply was, and he could accept that as a constant in his life from this day forward, within his heart as well as within his mind.
Who needed written proof on something as fragile as printout sheets or chalkboard. The human soul couldn't be measured like this, was much more durable than mere paper could ever be. Yes, he had led an adequately challenging and somewhat exiting live before this had started. But the important part was the realization that Rod was what his soul needed to feel alive.
After drying them both with his favourite blue towel, John let himself be hauled towards the bed, suddenly more tired than he could remember ever being. This soul-searching stuff was exhausting. Curling up almost on top of his somnolent other half, John settled down, feeling himself tumbling fast over the edge from wakefulness to the realm of dreams, safe in the knowledge that, come morning, he wouldn't wake up alone.
* * *
Two weeks had passed since the night Samantha had discovered what foolishness she'd been capable of and everything and nothing had changed. During the first few days after her 'nightly revelation' as she'd started to call it in her own mind, Sam still felt exited around Dr. McKay - not Rod now, never again - and around Sheppard as well, afraid they'd be able to sense her accidentally gained knowledge somehow. When nothing untoward happened except a lessening of the tension between her and Dr. Sheppard, Sam had started to relax and to truly enjoy her work. Here, she could prove that Dr. McKay's faith in her abilities and his subsequent invitation to Atlantis hadn't been a mistake, could loose herself in the sheer joy of making this work. In a way she'd been lucky. Had she not taken the trip to Dr. McKay's lab, and upon not finding him there, gone in search for him, she probably would have gone on making a fool of herself indefinitely. Or, she thought, until one of the two men would have told her off. At least she’d spared herself that humiliating experience.
Shaking herself out of that not so welcoming thought, Sam took her leave from the labs for the day, smiling at Radek as he waved good-night. She and Dr. Zelenka had managed to form a pretty amicable working relationship and, to her surprise, she'd found both McKay and Sheppard easy to work with as well, after she'd returned to being the well trained professional she'd always been.
She was glad that she'd stayed. At first, fearing the worst, Sam had contemplated going back to earth without witnessing the culmination of the gate-bridge project, but stubborn pride had held her back and so she had prevailed. Today, she was grateful for that. After a few tense moments in the beginning all three of them had gotten so caught up in their respective workload, that they completely forgot any factors that could have thrown a spanner into the proceedings.
She nodded, as Sheppard threw her a few words in parting, reminding her of the dinner they were required to attend tomorrow. She couldn't help but smile a little in sympathy because she knew by now how much Sheppard hated those occasions. Halting her steps for a moment in astonished wonder, Sam realized that she had started to like the man, prickly though he was. This needed some thought, she decided, moving towards the tall balcony doors a few feet down the corridor.
Stepping outside onto the balcony, Sam rested her arms against the railing, enjoying the view. The sunsets here were of a softer color than those of earth, less spectacular, but not less beautiful. The soft opening and closing of the balcony door went unnoticed by her and so she was startled out of her appreciation of the ocean below her by a well known voice.
„Hey, blue eyes. Long time no see. Did ya miss me?“
Sam whirled around to meet Cameron Mitchell's laughing eyes. And, to her great astonishment, she found that, yes, she'd missed him and that she was very glad to see him indeed.
- The End -
Poll Author, author!
John hadn't foreseen this. But Rod was known for being sneaky when it suited him. Warm, familiar lips covered his own gently, the hand gripping his chin carefully keeping John from drawing away.
He tried to remain unimpressed to tell himself that the kiss meant nothing, that this was just Rod trying to win an argument. And yet, deep inside he could feel the change starting, creeping up on him like the evening mist over Atlantis' vast ocean. The doubts that had started to rise during the course of the last two days started to blur. The one thing, despite the arguments they'd had over the years, Rod had never purposely done was to lie to him.
John shivered in reaction. The coldness that he had tried to shroud himself in, hoping to block out his own insecurities and hurt feelings was slowly, steadily driven out by warm hands and lips, and the familiar scent of his lover's aftershave. The last step, John knew would be his to take. That was just like it had always been, Rod's way. He would instigate but he would never venture further where he wasn't invited.
When Rod's tongue started to trace over his own still closed lips, John couldn't help himself. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed the other man's scent, his taste that now filled his starved senses. Trying to remain unmoved by Rod's closeness had always been impossible for John even before they became lovers. When Rod's other hand took hold of John's biceps and started to pull him out of his seat and towards the other man, John offered no resistance.
He raised a hand to Rod's chest, when the other man broke the kiss not quite knowing if he wanted to push him away or draw him closer, half leaning against half sitting on the edge of his desk to retain a bit of distance between them. Beneath his splayed fingers, John felt the frantic beat of his lover's heart, betraying the man's anxiety. Catching his breath so hard it was nearly painful, John looked up into Rod’s face. Eyes closed, lips slightly damp and reddened from their kiss, Rod just waited for John's decision.
John's gaze came to rest on the pulse point, that small, vulnerable spot at the base of his lover's throat he loved to kiss. As if the strong, fast drumming beneath his palm hadn't been confirmation enough, the visual proof of his lover's agitation was what finally broke John's resolve.
With a soft, almost broken sound, John pulled the sturdy body close to his own, wrapping himself in its strength and warmth, the voice inside his head calling him ten kinds of fool. John hadn't known one could miss this so much, that he could miss this so much. His past affairs never had lasted long enough to get used to anything even remotely like this, and he had made it a habit never to enter into a relationship with someone whom he might meet again in an official capacity when one of them broke things off. Only taking what he needed while trying to avoid unnecessary entanglements.
John was so lost in the feeling of being held in his lover's arms again, he nearly missed it. Words, apologies wrapped in kisses, pressed onto his lips, his chin the crook of his neck, and with an aching kind of tenderness he realized that they'd both been fools for risking this because of hurt pride.
Two men so different in their upbringing, their background, their patterns of behaviour, how could they have thought this would work without at least setting some ground rules. None of them was good at talking about their feelings. John had never learned how and Rod had perfected the art of hiding his in plain sight. Always appearing open and friendly, pretending to let you get to know him when in reality only a very select few knew the man behind that friendly mask. It were the little things, the swear words, the verbal scuffles that signaled the degree of Rod's trust in a person.
John had never thought about the possibility that Rod wouldn't simply tell him to do or be something John wasn't comfortable with. His lover had probably thought that John had wanted to stay apart, wanted to spend his nights with his work rather than with Rod.
Letting out a choked, slightly hysterical laugh, John pulled and pushed until Rod was standing between John's spread thighs, both of them kept standing only by support of the desk John was leaning against.
“Hey,” John whispered, not quite believing what a mess he'd made of things. He held his breath when Rod lifted his head from its resting place on John's shoulder to smile at him. Tracing one high cheekbone with careful fingers, John really noticed for the first time how tired the other man looked. The blue eyes were slightly red-rimmed from lack of sleep, dark, bluish shadows marking a face he wasn't used to seeing like this, naked and without the normal censor of Rod's sharp intellect. Another indicator of Rod's trust in John.
The knowledge as well as the feelings displayed only for his own benefit, made John tremble inside. So much responsibility, to be trusted by another human being this much, trusted by Rod this much, and John had to swallow against the tightness in his throat that threatened to choke him. The realization of what he'd nearly lost because of his pettiness made him hold on tighter, making Rod laugh when John wrapped suddenly shaky arms around his waist a bit too tightly, while leaning in to brush a soft kiss over tempting lips.
“Hey, yourself,” Rod murmured into John's kiss before drawing back to look at him. Although a bit worn around the edges, Rod's smile was beautiful, despite the now quite obvious exhaustion that made his skin appear nearly translucent. Delighted and relieved, John met the tired eyes with his own, trying to imprint this moment into his memories so he wouldn't forget, ever again.
“I'm sorry.” John swallowed hard. “Sorry for doubting you, for not giving you the chance to... “, he coughed, unwilling to stop now for fear this would stand between them forever if he did. “I was...she just...I was jealous.” Whoever had said confession was good for the soul was a damn liar in John's book, all it did was make him feel extremely foolish, until Rod leaned in, pressing their foreheads together, noses rubbing against each other ticklishly.
It felt good to be able to really smile again, so he did; watching Rod's hands move slowly over John's forearms, down his sides to come to rest at his hips. “You know, John, for a genius, you can be really dumb, sometimes.” He anticipated John's token protest and kissed him silent instead, continuing; “but then again, the same applies to me as well. “
For that, John had to retaliate. As one kiss became two, became many, he felt more content with his life than he'd been in a long time. He would have been pretty happy just staying here with Rod, propped against each other and receiving kiss after glorious kiss, feeling finally alive again. But Rod apparently had other plans.
“C'mon, let's get out of here and get some sleep. Tomorrow we have to lay some ground rules. Also, I'll have to explain to you why being gay means you only get to be jealous of the male half of the population.“
John tilted his head as he gazed at his lover, smirking a bit now that he was sure of his place in Rod's life again. “You're gay? You never told me you were...“
Strange, that being kissed into silence didn't seem as upsetting as it had been when Rod had tried it once before, but the small smirk on his lover's wide mouth told John, that there would be teasing and laughter in his future.
As they separated slowly, almost reluctantly, to move out of the lab and towards a room with a little more privacy, John could feel Rod's hand pressing against the small of his back. It remained there while they began to walk slowly towards the transporter that would deliver them near John's quarters; choosing by mutual, unvoiced consent the shortest way to find some privacy.
Stepping into the transporter, Rod pulled him close against his side, bestowing another kiss onto John's lips as if he couldn't bear to be separated by even this short a distance.
Hugging John closer to him until the stood almost nose to nose Rod gazed up at John. “Well, Dr. Sheppard, to get back to your earlier comment and just to make sure we're on the same page here, let's face the facts, shall we.” Another kiss and why wasn't the transporter moving already John wondered abstractedly, lost in the kiss. “I'm involved, in a relationship, having made love to and been made love to by a man. What does this information tell you?” Rod continued in his 'figure-it-out-for-yourself' voice.
John pretended to grumble a bit, but realized that, yes, apparently this was the way they communicated best. Moving them around a bit so he was able to lean against against the wall nearest to the exit, he allowed himself a smirk of his own, feeling giddy and relieved and, yes happy. Finally, John could feel them moving.
“That you have become somewhat more adventurous in your old age?” He was out of the door before Rod could catch him, mentally opening the door to his quarters when he was still a few steps away. He nearly made it, too, before he was caught and turned around. Instead of the expected kiss, Rod flicked his nose with his tongue, making John grimace at the wetness where it definitely didn't belong. “Ew,” his protest only made Rod laugh at him and try again. When John curled away from the attack, his lover laughed into his ear, his hot breath making John shiver in reaction.
“Last one in the shower's a rotten egg,” he whispered and off he went.
John simply stood there for a heartbeat or two, smiling into thin air and sharing his happiness with his second favourite entity in the pegasus galaxy. In the back of his mind, John could hear Atlantis hum approvingly, content that he was finally talking to her again and sharing his happiness with her. John didn't care what others might believe. The city had her own mind her own sense of consciousness, and she reacted most strongly to the feelings of those she cared about the most. Those she considered children as well as her protectors, especially John and Rodney and even Radek. And John took care not to let her feel his anger when he was really upset, he didn't want to be the one from whom she learned about hate from.
But this, this moment he could share with her; the elation of having his lover back with him. A lover who knew him and chose him because of who he was, who they both were and an ancient city to guard them and those they cared for in its embrace. Laughing softly he went after his errant lover, starting to shed his clothes as soon as the door closed behind him.
In the shower he could hear Rod, already under the hot steam, singing a horribly out of tune song John remembered vaguely from his own, not quite as misspent youth.
* * *
A few doors further down the otherwise silent corridor, Sam sat down on her bed with a thump. How could she have been such a blind fool. What must they, what must he think of her, of her not so professional conduct.
It felt as if she'd awoken out of a fevered dream via the benefit of a squall of purest ice-water. If this little loss of her senses became known at home, she wouldn't be able to show her face either here or at the mountain without being ridiculed.
Looking up, Sam noticed the small picture which had sat on her bedside table for the last few months now, helping her to keep the memories of missions gone bad and the loneliness that had become her constant companion at bay. She reached over and, after a moment's thought, removed it from the frame. Gazing at the smiling face, captured in colourful detail and yet unable to contain all that energy and charisma that were the man's trademark in real life, Sam took one last, sobbing breath, before starting to shred the photograph into the tiniest possible pieces.
No matter how well done the picture had been, tonight she had seen Rod McKay's real smile, and it hadn't been her he'd smiled at.
Falling back unto the bed, Sam let the tears come. Tomorrow, tomorrow was another day and though it might hurt, now that she knew, that she was able to see what other's couldn't because they lacked her insight on the matter, she would do her outmost to act like a colleague and capable scientist should. No matter what the future held in store for her, Sam would show them that she was more than a silly woman who had developed an infatuation with her boss.
Unheard by the crying woman, Atlantis crooned softly to comfort her. And, if Sam felt a bit of warmth were there had only been the bone deep chill of her loss, she didn't attribute it to a city she could not hear nor see properly. But Atlantis took care of all of her children, even of the lost ones, the ones unable to hear what she was trying to tell them.
A few floors down, in the bowels of the central computer that was the ancient city's heart, a few sub-routines were changed, an innocuous little message readied to be dispatched with the next data-burst to earth. John or Rod would have noticed, if they had paid attention to her then, but the city knew they were both preoccupied, happily lost in each other at the moment.
* * *
Oh, Rod sighed softly, this was good. Steaming hot water pounded onto his tired body. The elation about the way things had turned out between him and John left Rod feeling both, exhausted, and wired with the leftover adrenaline from their earlier fight.
A draft of slightly cooler air made him aware of his lover's presence inside the shower cubicle. About to turn around and get some more of John's intoxicating kisses, he was pushed around again gently and told to “hold still. Your knots have knots on them. No wonder you were looking so pale. This must hurt like hell.” Understatement of the century, Rod thought while trying to remain upright as the hands he'd fantasised about earlier started to work on his aching neck.
“Hey, I'm not...oh, yeah. Don't stop…” Rod let his head sink forward until his forehead touched the pale-blue tiles, relaxing as strong, skilful fingers started to unravel the knotted muscles. His memory had been correct, this was complete and utter bliss.
John stepped closer, close enough that Rod could feel him as additional body-heat even through the falling water surrounding them both. Rod couldn't help but think that John's massages were nearly as wonderfully relaxing as the man's skills in other areas concerning both Rod and nakedness. He didn’t know what he would have done if John hadn’t believed him. Maybe it really was as simple as Rod’s being willing to let his guard down completely.
This freedom of being who he was, of not having to hide, to not having to always be polite and understanding of others was something Rod thought only the other Rodney, far away in his own galaxy could have. Rod wasn’t sure if what happened those last few days with John and him was something unique to the both of them, or if lovers throughout the galaxies faced the same predicament at least once in the building of each new relationship.
He must have made another sound, or said some of the things he'd been thinking out loud, because Rod could hear John's laugh, earthy and as unexpected a gift as their being here tonight. Strong arms wrapped around him from behind, hugging him close until he could feel the rapid-fire beat of John’s heart against his back, could almost imagine he could hear each beat resonating inside himself. As if his lover's heart was beating in Rod’s chest as well.
The sound seemed to be moving through Rod's body. At first steadily comforting then lightening fast and arousing. He had to turn around, had to look at John now. As if reading his mind, John was helping him turn, mindful of the slightly slippery shower-floor.
Pressing closer, his wakening arousal fitting nicely between their water-slicked bodies where it was met by John's own growing hardness, Rod took them both in hand. He stroked slowly, not wanting to end this too soon, his gaze riveted to John's face. Fascinated by the want and desire for him he could see displayed upon it, he watched the pink tip of John’s tongue as it licked water droplets from slightly parted lips. Rod moaned softly. He pulled his lover's head closer, weaving his free hand into the dark, unruly hair to get better leverage. Avidly, he watched through slitted eyes as John bent down to caress Rod's face; green eyes focused on his mouth. Seconds ticked by in seeming slow motion before their lips finally reconnected.
Sometimes Rod forgot that John was actually slightly taller than him. Tonight, it only added to his excitement, creating the illusion of not being the one in charge for a change, of being taken care of instead. Only, it wasn't really an illusion. His remarkably knot-free neck testimony to the give and take that had helped them pull through and led them to this slow re-discovery of each other.
Rod sank into the kiss, letting go of the thoughts and responsibilities that would still be waiting for them tomorrow. Tonight was theirs, they'd earned it, and Rod was determined to make the most of it. In fact, Rod intended to take every opportunity to make sure they had many more nights like this one to look forward to in the future. No more misunderstandings, he didn't want through another three days like this. The next time someone asked him about his matrimonial status, he’d simply point them in John’s direction that ought to take care of any misunderstandings from now on right away.
* * *
John slid against his lover's water slicked body, their erections trapped between them as they moved together effortlessly. He kissed his way over broad shoulders towards his favourite spot, lips teasing the tender skin where the vibrations of his lover's heart-beat begged for his kiss. John obliged before he followed the line of throat down to the pale chest, leaving small, reddish marks in the wake of his mouth, were sharp teeth had nipped the skin, careful not to hurt his lover, but leaving faint marks of John's passing acquaintance with them. Marks only the two of them would know about, for they'd have vanished come morning.
He was about to slide lower, to taste his lover more intimately, eager to re-learn every part of the strong body he’d missed the feel of, but Rod's hands stopped him, tucking John up again, a position almost similar to the one they'd assumed in John's lab.
Looking down into the face he'd feared never seeing like this again, so filled with desire for him, John saw that his lover was already close to loosing control. “Not now,” Rod said hoarsely. “Need to hold you, need you close,” and he moaned again when John obeyed by wrapping his arms around the wet body pressed against him so intimately.
Grabbed and hauled even closer by nearly desperate hands, the combination of water and previously applied shower-gel made John thrust against the slippery flesh of his lover's hip and stomach, feeling their erections slide together as if they, too were kissing. Groaning and bestowing frantic little kisses onto Rod's hot skin, John could already feel their release approaching, attuned to the body in his arms in a way he hadn't been before. After all the excitement from earlier, John was torn by the desire to prolong their arousal as long as possible and to come fast and hard, knowing they would both crash fast after their orgasm.
He held on to Rod, manouovering his right leg between the spread thighs of his lover to press even closer, steadying them both as their thrusts grew faster, harder. Looking up from where he had watched the slide of their erections, sheltered from most of the water between their water-slicked bodies, he met Rod's gaze, holding on to it like a lifeline. John had never noticed before how the tiles in his shower complimented the blue of Rod’s eyes, he could feel the tremors start from deep inside him now, telling him it was time, now.
John tried to hold back as long as possible, watching his face as Rod came, John's name on his lips, whispered like a prayer, like a confession. And in the end, what did if matter if John didn't believe in anything that wasn't provable, couldn't be caught and calculated on paper. For this, oh...he shuddered, caught almost in the same moment of delight as his lover, riding the crest of the wave that seemed to have passed from one lover to the other, for this he'd just received all the proof he would ever need.
No, John decided, wrapping himself around the man in his arms as if he could merge a part of himself into the others' skin through osmosis, to be a part of him, forever. No, John didn't need evaluations, numbers or dry theories to explain what they had managed to built between them despite John's own ignorance in matters of the heart. It simply was, and he could accept that as a constant in his life from this day forward, within his heart as well as within his mind.
Who needed written proof on something as fragile as printout sheets or chalkboard. The human soul couldn't be measured like this, was much more durable than mere paper could ever be. Yes, he had led an adequately challenging and somewhat exiting live before this had started. But the important part was the realization that Rod was what his soul needed to feel alive.
After drying them both with his favourite blue towel, John let himself be hauled towards the bed, suddenly more tired than he could remember ever being. This soul-searching stuff was exhausting. Curling up almost on top of his somnolent other half, John settled down, feeling himself tumbling fast over the edge from wakefulness to the realm of dreams, safe in the knowledge that, come morning, he wouldn't wake up alone.
* * *
Two weeks had passed since the night Samantha had discovered what foolishness she'd been capable of and everything and nothing had changed. During the first few days after her 'nightly revelation' as she'd started to call it in her own mind, Sam still felt exited around Dr. McKay - not Rod now, never again - and around Sheppard as well, afraid they'd be able to sense her accidentally gained knowledge somehow. When nothing untoward happened except a lessening of the tension between her and Dr. Sheppard, Sam had started to relax and to truly enjoy her work. Here, she could prove that Dr. McKay's faith in her abilities and his subsequent invitation to Atlantis hadn't been a mistake, could loose herself in the sheer joy of making this work. In a way she'd been lucky. Had she not taken the trip to Dr. McKay's lab, and upon not finding him there, gone in search for him, she probably would have gone on making a fool of herself indefinitely. Or, she thought, until one of the two men would have told her off. At least she’d spared herself that humiliating experience.
Shaking herself out of that not so welcoming thought, Sam took her leave from the labs for the day, smiling at Radek as he waved good-night. She and Dr. Zelenka had managed to form a pretty amicable working relationship and, to her surprise, she'd found both McKay and Sheppard easy to work with as well, after she'd returned to being the well trained professional she'd always been.
She was glad that she'd stayed. At first, fearing the worst, Sam had contemplated going back to earth without witnessing the culmination of the gate-bridge project, but stubborn pride had held her back and so she had prevailed. Today, she was grateful for that. After a few tense moments in the beginning all three of them had gotten so caught up in their respective workload, that they completely forgot any factors that could have thrown a spanner into the proceedings.
She nodded, as Sheppard threw her a few words in parting, reminding her of the dinner they were required to attend tomorrow. She couldn't help but smile a little in sympathy because she knew by now how much Sheppard hated those occasions. Halting her steps for a moment in astonished wonder, Sam realized that she had started to like the man, prickly though he was. This needed some thought, she decided, moving towards the tall balcony doors a few feet down the corridor.
Stepping outside onto the balcony, Sam rested her arms against the railing, enjoying the view. The sunsets here were of a softer color than those of earth, less spectacular, but not less beautiful. The soft opening and closing of the balcony door went unnoticed by her and so she was startled out of her appreciation of the ocean below her by a well known voice.
„Hey, blue eyes. Long time no see. Did ya miss me?“
Sam whirled around to meet Cameron Mitchell's laughing eyes. And, to her great astonishment, she found that, yes, she'd missed him and that she was very glad to see him indeed.
- The End -
Poll Author, author!