Practice Fire (Table H: Gunshot)
Title: Practice Fire
Author: alternaterocker
Rating: K+
Characters: Lisbon
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with the show.
Even as a young girl guns being fired had never terrified her as much as thinking of the reason behind the pulling of the trigger did. Having to shoot someone the first time a police cadet had been tougher than expected, she was still bitter over her brother forgetting how much she had cared for them, and at the same time was struggling to find a suitable outlet for the grief over her mother. Whenever she thought back to that period of time she did not know who to be angrier at: herself for not trying harder around family and friends who wanted to comfort her, or the men who kept pushing her to the limit at the Academy, forcing her to leave the depressed orphaned teenager deep down inside.
As the years passed, all the hurt and collapsed lives that she had encountered joined everything else in her, with the hope of escaping with every bullet shot from her weapon. Nothing had panned out how she had envisioned though and as she began to shoot at the immobile targets in the practice range she could feel the pain more than ever before.
The area surrounding Lisbon was empty so letting some sobs out of her would not be witnessed and could not be used against her for further self-destruction. The silence that engulfed her when she had to reload reminded her of how quiet her life was outside of the CBI bullpen. No matter how much her team could infuriate her she was thankful for each of them for bringing different perspectives on life to her own.
The seven years with Jane had been the toughest since losing her mother but it had also brought her the closest thing to a best friend she had ever had. It was obvious she was his most trusted aquaintance but sicne he had saved her life by becoming a killer with a gun he had never once been able to talk about guns not being a helpful addition to a weapon selection, like he had before. That had been the proof in his mind that told him some things were more important than moral duties. That he would fatally wound another human just for Lisbon had surprised the both of them, she never thought she would see him look so vulnerable or holding a recently fired shotgun; nothing that day had made much sense.
Through the tears filling her eye sockets and staining her cheeks she was still an almost perfect shooter. Unconsciously she was continuing to prove to all the people who tried to discourage her from the police that she was more capable than most male agents. The firing range was the nearest thing she had to a place of comfort, she knew how odd it would sound if she told anyone that she felt safer when she could smell the sparks of fire when the trigger was pulled, but it was true.
The guns had never felt uncomfortable in her hand, no matter what type it always seemed natural that she should spend so much time holding one. She preferred smaller handguns since she was not very large herself but she could hit a target well from bigger weapons too.
Jane didn't look right with a gun, even if the one time she had witnessed it she was terrified of a different barrel. Jane did not suit working with the police at all if she was honest; far too clean-cut, blond and with no respect for rules or boundaries. But she couldn't imagine any of it any other way, without Jane she would not have solved half as many cases and simply had had some of the best experiences with him. He was attractive but there was no chance for them, they had learnt too many bad aspects of the other's personality to even consider going any further.
She knew she would have to change her shirt before going back to the CBI, whenever she cried this hard she always feared her team would be able to see the water marks on her clothing although it dried and disappeared completely. To let them see her weaknesses would be the true undoing of her and the sympathy they - especially Van Pelt - would shower her with, would make everyoen less trusting in their senior agent. If they lost their trust in her then her career would be ruined and she would have to find a new way to escape and carry on with her life.
She adjusted the angle of her aim and let a bullet rip through the air molecules in front of Lisbon and go straight into the forehead of the paper man who already had more holes in him that even the most pierced human she had interrogated during her times in small enclosed rooms with failing recorder equipment.
It would be so easy to arrange counselling again through the CBI but after their last encounter with who the company hired as therapists she would rather come out onto the range. Continue to wish she was the bullet waiting for the gunshot that would allow everything to come out at top speed, and have the bad thigns lost in under a second after ridding itself of its shell.
Author: alternaterocker
Rating: K+
Characters: Lisbon
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with the show.
Even as a young girl guns being fired had never terrified her as much as thinking of the reason behind the pulling of the trigger did. Having to shoot someone the first time a police cadet had been tougher than expected, she was still bitter over her brother forgetting how much she had cared for them, and at the same time was struggling to find a suitable outlet for the grief over her mother. Whenever she thought back to that period of time she did not know who to be angrier at: herself for not trying harder around family and friends who wanted to comfort her, or the men who kept pushing her to the limit at the Academy, forcing her to leave the depressed orphaned teenager deep down inside.
As the years passed, all the hurt and collapsed lives that she had encountered joined everything else in her, with the hope of escaping with every bullet shot from her weapon. Nothing had panned out how she had envisioned though and as she began to shoot at the immobile targets in the practice range she could feel the pain more than ever before.
The area surrounding Lisbon was empty so letting some sobs out of her would not be witnessed and could not be used against her for further self-destruction. The silence that engulfed her when she had to reload reminded her of how quiet her life was outside of the CBI bullpen. No matter how much her team could infuriate her she was thankful for each of them for bringing different perspectives on life to her own.
The seven years with Jane had been the toughest since losing her mother but it had also brought her the closest thing to a best friend she had ever had. It was obvious she was his most trusted aquaintance but sicne he had saved her life by becoming a killer with a gun he had never once been able to talk about guns not being a helpful addition to a weapon selection, like he had before. That had been the proof in his mind that told him some things were more important than moral duties. That he would fatally wound another human just for Lisbon had surprised the both of them, she never thought she would see him look so vulnerable or holding a recently fired shotgun; nothing that day had made much sense.
Through the tears filling her eye sockets and staining her cheeks she was still an almost perfect shooter. Unconsciously she was continuing to prove to all the people who tried to discourage her from the police that she was more capable than most male agents. The firing range was the nearest thing she had to a place of comfort, she knew how odd it would sound if she told anyone that she felt safer when she could smell the sparks of fire when the trigger was pulled, but it was true.
The guns had never felt uncomfortable in her hand, no matter what type it always seemed natural that she should spend so much time holding one. She preferred smaller handguns since she was not very large herself but she could hit a target well from bigger weapons too.
Jane didn't look right with a gun, even if the one time she had witnessed it she was terrified of a different barrel. Jane did not suit working with the police at all if she was honest; far too clean-cut, blond and with no respect for rules or boundaries. But she couldn't imagine any of it any other way, without Jane she would not have solved half as many cases and simply had had some of the best experiences with him. He was attractive but there was no chance for them, they had learnt too many bad aspects of the other's personality to even consider going any further.
She knew she would have to change her shirt before going back to the CBI, whenever she cried this hard she always feared her team would be able to see the water marks on her clothing although it dried and disappeared completely. To let them see her weaknesses would be the true undoing of her and the sympathy they - especially Van Pelt - would shower her with, would make everyoen less trusting in their senior agent. If they lost their trust in her then her career would be ruined and she would have to find a new way to escape and carry on with her life.
She adjusted the angle of her aim and let a bullet rip through the air molecules in front of Lisbon and go straight into the forehead of the paper man who already had more holes in him that even the most pierced human she had interrogated during her times in small enclosed rooms with failing recorder equipment.
It would be so easy to arrange counselling again through the CBI but after their last encounter with who the company hired as therapists she would rather come out onto the range. Continue to wish she was the bullet waiting for the gunshot that would allow everything to come out at top speed, and have the bad thigns lost in under a second after ridding itself of its shell.