"And the Dead Doves Fell" Chapters One & Two

[mercury_hall]

CHAPTER ONE & TWO
Title: 01. Accent Piece, 02. The Woman Before
Universe: And the Dead Doves Fell (ATDDF)
Characters/Pairings: Jane Dest, Thomas, Nika/Qori
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: vague flashback?

AN: These are the first two chapters of my novel-to-be, which I hope to have finished before or around my sophomore year in college. I think the most I'

Comments

[showmeshine]

This is a nice first chapter there, friend! Keep working away at it. There are some moments I want it to slow down, a lot, like here:

"He serves her again and she allows him to have a conversation with her" .... I want to hear the conversation. I want to see her finger trail her coffee mug or glass of water slowly as she listens to him push out words in his unsure accent, etc. Plot is important, but description, that's what makes people get lost in paragraphs (in a good way).

The whole thing is great, but it seems to go so fast from the sex to the proposal. I want to know more, get to know the two of them more as individuals before they begin their dance together. Speaking of, I like your painting-dancing metaphor, and I like where you are going with him never being able to say no -- do I sense some foreshadowing, here?

[mercury_hall]

That part is purposefully vague, and it's the flashback part. The girl he's proposing to is a different one than the one in the beginning. I guess that wasn't clear enough?

Thank you for reading!

[mercury_hall]

I considered having a present-chapter, then a past-chapter, and a present-chapter again. Do you think that's a better way to have it that both in one chapter?

[showmeshine]

I think the chapters being split up as you mention here would be a great idea. I don't know why/how I missed it the first time through. wasn't reading close enough!

[anonymous]

Re: Благодарю за блог

[jackilyn_hughes]

You're welcome! I'm glad you liked it. I'll finish the whole book one day...