Longing to Belong - Chapter 9
Chapter 9
Los Angeles, June 1999
Louise spent most of the day locked in the pretty room, but feeling utterly alone and miserable. The woman called Agnieszka kept talking on her cell phone most of the time, and occasionally she left the room, and stayed away for long minutes. Lou simply remained seated on the bed, not bothering to even look at the plentiful toys. The only times she moved was to go to the ensuite bathroom, or when Agnieszka brought her a sandwich for lunch, which she ate at the round table in the middle of the bedroom.
Lou’s mind always went to the same place: home and Papa Teaspoon. She wished she could call him and ask him why he had let her go. Papa Teaspoon often told her he loved her and wanted the best for her, but this wasn’t the best at all. Her desire to speak to him was so strong that she went as far as to ask Agnieszka to use her phone. Yet, the woman stared at her as if Lou had gone crazy, and then she threatened to smack her if she so much as whispered a word to her father about Agnieszka using the phone during working hours.
As Lou only used the pink watch mommy had bought her to learn clock times on special occasions, she didn’t know what time it was. It felt as if she had been here for many hours. From the window she could see the sun still shining, but being summer, night didn’t come until much later. Lou supposed it was close to dinner time, and she was pretty hungry.
“Time for me to call it a day, Louise,” Agnieszka announced, which surprised Lou as the woman had barely addressed her all day. Before the girl could say a thing, Agnieszka let herself out without even uttering a simple goodbye.
Louise remained in much the same way as before after she was left alone. Some minutes later the door opened again, and Lou’s fear resurfaced when she saw her father appear. His eyes scanned the bedroom, and then he shot her a look of disapproval. “Don’t you like the stuff I bought for you?” he demanded as he noticed all the toys untouched. Lou was afraid, especially as her father strode closer to her. “What do you have to say for yourself?” he asked in the same angered tone when she kept quiet.
“I… I just didn’t feel like playing… that’s all.”
Her father’s dark eyes kept scrutinizing her, and Lou feared that he’d hit her again. Yet, he turned on his heel and opened the wardrobe behind him. As he rummaged inside, he said, “We have important guests for dinner tonight… politicians that could give your father a push in the right direction. I have the money they obviously hanker for to reach power… the power we all want. So, I warn you, kid, you’d better behave and be the good girl I want you to be. Family is something those hypocrites care about, and that’s what they want to see her.” Boggs moved back to where Lou sad and dropped on the bed a dress he had taken from the wardrobe. “Now have a shower, put this on, and then get yourself downstairs. And I warn you, Louise. If you aren’t in your best behavior tonight, you’ll have to respond to me, understood?”
Lou nodded, and as Boggs marched out of the room, she felt a strong urge to cry. The weekend felt endless, and she wished it would soon be over so that she could return to Papa Teaspoon.
Not wanting to create any problems for herself, she did what her father had told her to. In the bathroom she found towels, soap, and shampoo. Papa Teaspoon drew a bath for her every day; she loved her baths as she could play with her toys while splashing in the water. Her father had clearly stated she should shower, so Louise pottered with the knobs for a bit until the temperature of the water was to her liking. Then she shed her clothes and underwear, and stood under the shower.
Once clean and dried with the big, soft towel, she put on fresh underwear and then slid into the dress her father had left on the bed. It was a pretty dress, light pink, with lace frills in the short sleeves and the skirt, but it was a size too big, hanging loosely on her thin frame. Lou recalled calling a similar dress once at a wedding her mommy had taken her to. A friend of mommy’s had got married, and Lou had been the flower girl. She had loved that dress. Now… it was different; she felt uncomfortable in this too big an outfit, and the fabric felt itchy against her skin.
Louise then put on her shoes, dried her hair with the towel energetically, and then combed it with a brush. Before going downstairs as her father had ordered her to, Lou pulled out her kit. The screen of her glucose meter read that her sugar levels were sky high, and Lou sighed. Whenever she got upset, her body also got distraught, and today she was feeling very low and miserable. Her doctor always said that whenever that happened, she could increase her insulin dose, and that’s what she did tonight. Since her mother had fallen sick and then die, Lou had become quite independent int eh handling of her condition. Papa Teaspoon daily checked how she was doing, but he knew she was quite capable of dealing with her health on her own.
Once ready, Lou tentatively opened the door and walked out. There were voices coming from downstairs, and, as she made her way down the staircase, she could see her father and Grace in the hall, chatting with other people. Lou clutched the banister tightly and felt her forehead wet with perspiration as she came close to where her father stood. Her legs started to shake when she noticed him lift his eyes. To her surprise, he smiled and said, “Here’s my Louise.”
There was two women in elegant dresses and two men in black suits. They all turned their heads to look at her as she climbed down the last steps in the staircase.
Her father was still smiling. “Louise, these are my friends: Mr Devlin, his fiancée Elvira, Judge Enright and his secretary Ella. And naturally, you already know my lawyer grace.” Lou listened to him, but the names went into one ear and came out of the other as her mind was too preoccupied in other matters. “Your manners, Louise,” Boggs urged him when she remained silent.
“How… how do you do?” Lou promptly said in a very soft voice, nodding her head to the adults.
“She’s so cute and good mannered,” Ella exclaimed. “That says a lot about you, Mr. Boggs. Nowadays children her age often leave much to be desired.”
Boggs nodded. “We’ve taught this one well.”
“That alone is praiseworthy,” Judge Enright remarked. “There are so many parents today that don’t care a jot about bringing up their children properly.”
“And you say her mother passed away recently?” Mr. Devlin asked.
“A very sad event indeed,” Boggs replied, nodded her head at the same time. “We weren’t together by the time she got sick, but we always had a wonderful rapport for our daughter’s sake. And I’m glad I was there for her through her disease because it gave me the chance to help her and Louise when they most needed me.”
Lou’s eyes widened as she heard her father tell lie after lie. Hearing him talk about her mommy dying so indifferently filled Lou with overpowering anger; she wanted to cry at the top of her lungs that he was a liar, but almost as he could read hear mind, he sent her a dark look that froze her into silence at once.
When they sat at the dinner table, Louise focused on her food while the adults talked about matters that were beyond her understanding She heard them mention policy, voters, investments, and all those long words that she didn’t understand when Papa Teaspoon was watching the news. For a while she allowed herself to have a respite from her apprehensions while she ate. All she had had today was a sandwich, and now Louise realized how hungry she was. The food was quite nice: some yellowish soup, and then grilled fish and salad. The problem came when she was served dessert. It was a scrumptious piece of almond cake served with ice-cream and bathed in caramel sauce. Lou’s mouth watered at the sight, but she knew she shouldn’t even have a little taste, which was everything she was allowed from time to time. Her sugar levels were high… too high actually, and after eating her food, they must still be as high even though she had already had her insulin shot. So she pushed the plate away and folded her arms. One of the women noticed and said, “Don’t you like cake, Louise?”
Those words drew her father’s attention, who added, “Be a good girl and eat all your food.”
“But…” Lou tried, but her father insisted.
“You don’t want to upset Mrs. Frost the cook by leaving her nice cake untouched, do you?”
Louise shook her head emphatically, still refusing to obey. “I can’t eat that,” she stated clearly, raising her voice for once. “It has lots of sugar in it, and I’m a diabetic. If I eat it, I’ll get sick.”
Boggs’s terse smile froze and his facial expression bittered as the women started to make sympathetic comments and Devlin turned to say, “Didn’t you know your own daughter has diabetes?”
Boggs tried to relax his face and make a joke out of it. “It slipped my mind completely. I have so many worries that I often forget my own name.”
Grace chuckled loyally, but his guests simply smiled politely. Boggs shifted in his seat and cleared his throat uncomfortable before he spoke up, “Since you’re done with dinner, you’d better go to bed. It’s late, and we adults have some important matters to discuss.”
Lou nodded, and after politely saying her goodbyes, she walked towards the stairs. Steps behind her made her look back, and she saw her father walking behind her. He didn’t say a word, and Lou didn’t dare either. She was opening the door when he gave her a strong shove, which made him bump against the door frame, and then another push had her fall onto her knees. His roaring voice echoed frighteningly close. “How dare you ridicule me down there? I told you this was very important to me, and you decided to go against me… just like your mother!”
“I’m… I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Boggs repeated, mimicking her voice in a mocking way. “You’re as pathetic as your mother!” Louise stared at him in terror, fearing what he would do to him. His face was red with fury, and his hand clutched her arm painfully. However, to her surprised he just swirled around and walked to the door. Before leaving, he paused and turned to her. “You will not leave this room from now on, is that understood?” Lou nodded, and Boggs added, “I can’t wait to pack you off to Hunter again. This weekend has been a bad idea, and having you a total nuisance!”
Then he walked out, slamming the door. His last words resonated in Lou’s mind. Even though she should feel relieved to know that soon she’ll be back home, she suddenly felt very sad. Her father didn’t love her and even thought she was unlovable. Lou knew her father was a bad man, and she shouldn’t care about what he said. But then, why do I feel so sad? She mused.
Los Angeles, June 1999
Louise spent most of the day locked in the pretty room, but feeling utterly alone and miserable. The woman called Agnieszka kept talking on her cell phone most of the time, and occasionally she left the room, and stayed away for long minutes. Lou simply remained seated on the bed, not bothering to even look at the plentiful toys. The only times she moved was to go to the ensuite bathroom, or when Agnieszka brought her a sandwich for lunch, which she ate at the round table in the middle of the bedroom.
Lou’s mind always went to the same place: home and Papa Teaspoon. She wished she could call him and ask him why he had let her go. Papa Teaspoon often told her he loved her and wanted the best for her, but this wasn’t the best at all. Her desire to speak to him was so strong that she went as far as to ask Agnieszka to use her phone. Yet, the woman stared at her as if Lou had gone crazy, and then she threatened to smack her if she so much as whispered a word to her father about Agnieszka using the phone during working hours.
As Lou only used the pink watch mommy had bought her to learn clock times on special occasions, she didn’t know what time it was. It felt as if she had been here for many hours. From the window she could see the sun still shining, but being summer, night didn’t come until much later. Lou supposed it was close to dinner time, and she was pretty hungry.
“Time for me to call it a day, Louise,” Agnieszka announced, which surprised Lou as the woman had barely addressed her all day. Before the girl could say a thing, Agnieszka let herself out without even uttering a simple goodbye.
Louise remained in much the same way as before after she was left alone. Some minutes later the door opened again, and Lou’s fear resurfaced when she saw her father appear. His eyes scanned the bedroom, and then he shot her a look of disapproval. “Don’t you like the stuff I bought for you?” he demanded as he noticed all the toys untouched. Lou was afraid, especially as her father strode closer to her. “What do you have to say for yourself?” he asked in the same angered tone when she kept quiet.
“I… I just didn’t feel like playing… that’s all.”
Her father’s dark eyes kept scrutinizing her, and Lou feared that he’d hit her again. Yet, he turned on his heel and opened the wardrobe behind him. As he rummaged inside, he said, “We have important guests for dinner tonight… politicians that could give your father a push in the right direction. I have the money they obviously hanker for to reach power… the power we all want. So, I warn you, kid, you’d better behave and be the good girl I want you to be. Family is something those hypocrites care about, and that’s what they want to see her.” Boggs moved back to where Lou sad and dropped on the bed a dress he had taken from the wardrobe. “Now have a shower, put this on, and then get yourself downstairs. And I warn you, Louise. If you aren’t in your best behavior tonight, you’ll have to respond to me, understood?”
Lou nodded, and as Boggs marched out of the room, she felt a strong urge to cry. The weekend felt endless, and she wished it would soon be over so that she could return to Papa Teaspoon.
Not wanting to create any problems for herself, she did what her father had told her to. In the bathroom she found towels, soap, and shampoo. Papa Teaspoon drew a bath for her every day; she loved her baths as she could play with her toys while splashing in the water. Her father had clearly stated she should shower, so Louise pottered with the knobs for a bit until the temperature of the water was to her liking. Then she shed her clothes and underwear, and stood under the shower.
Once clean and dried with the big, soft towel, she put on fresh underwear and then slid into the dress her father had left on the bed. It was a pretty dress, light pink, with lace frills in the short sleeves and the skirt, but it was a size too big, hanging loosely on her thin frame. Lou recalled calling a similar dress once at a wedding her mommy had taken her to. A friend of mommy’s had got married, and Lou had been the flower girl. She had loved that dress. Now… it was different; she felt uncomfortable in this too big an outfit, and the fabric felt itchy against her skin.
Louise then put on her shoes, dried her hair with the towel energetically, and then combed it with a brush. Before going downstairs as her father had ordered her to, Lou pulled out her kit. The screen of her glucose meter read that her sugar levels were sky high, and Lou sighed. Whenever she got upset, her body also got distraught, and today she was feeling very low and miserable. Her doctor always said that whenever that happened, she could increase her insulin dose, and that’s what she did tonight. Since her mother had fallen sick and then die, Lou had become quite independent int eh handling of her condition. Papa Teaspoon daily checked how she was doing, but he knew she was quite capable of dealing with her health on her own.
Once ready, Lou tentatively opened the door and walked out. There were voices coming from downstairs, and, as she made her way down the staircase, she could see her father and Grace in the hall, chatting with other people. Lou clutched the banister tightly and felt her forehead wet with perspiration as she came close to where her father stood. Her legs started to shake when she noticed him lift his eyes. To her surprise, he smiled and said, “Here’s my Louise.”
There was two women in elegant dresses and two men in black suits. They all turned their heads to look at her as she climbed down the last steps in the staircase.
Her father was still smiling. “Louise, these are my friends: Mr Devlin, his fiancée Elvira, Judge Enright and his secretary Ella. And naturally, you already know my lawyer grace.” Lou listened to him, but the names went into one ear and came out of the other as her mind was too preoccupied in other matters. “Your manners, Louise,” Boggs urged him when she remained silent.
“How… how do you do?” Lou promptly said in a very soft voice, nodding her head to the adults.
“She’s so cute and good mannered,” Ella exclaimed. “That says a lot about you, Mr. Boggs. Nowadays children her age often leave much to be desired.”
Boggs nodded. “We’ve taught this one well.”
“That alone is praiseworthy,” Judge Enright remarked. “There are so many parents today that don’t care a jot about bringing up their children properly.”
“And you say her mother passed away recently?” Mr. Devlin asked.
“A very sad event indeed,” Boggs replied, nodded her head at the same time. “We weren’t together by the time she got sick, but we always had a wonderful rapport for our daughter’s sake. And I’m glad I was there for her through her disease because it gave me the chance to help her and Louise when they most needed me.”
Lou’s eyes widened as she heard her father tell lie after lie. Hearing him talk about her mommy dying so indifferently filled Lou with overpowering anger; she wanted to cry at the top of her lungs that he was a liar, but almost as he could read hear mind, he sent her a dark look that froze her into silence at once.
When they sat at the dinner table, Louise focused on her food while the adults talked about matters that were beyond her understanding She heard them mention policy, voters, investments, and all those long words that she didn’t understand when Papa Teaspoon was watching the news. For a while she allowed herself to have a respite from her apprehensions while she ate. All she had had today was a sandwich, and now Louise realized how hungry she was. The food was quite nice: some yellowish soup, and then grilled fish and salad. The problem came when she was served dessert. It was a scrumptious piece of almond cake served with ice-cream and bathed in caramel sauce. Lou’s mouth watered at the sight, but she knew she shouldn’t even have a little taste, which was everything she was allowed from time to time. Her sugar levels were high… too high actually, and after eating her food, they must still be as high even though she had already had her insulin shot. So she pushed the plate away and folded her arms. One of the women noticed and said, “Don’t you like cake, Louise?”
Those words drew her father’s attention, who added, “Be a good girl and eat all your food.”
“But…” Lou tried, but her father insisted.
“You don’t want to upset Mrs. Frost the cook by leaving her nice cake untouched, do you?”
Louise shook her head emphatically, still refusing to obey. “I can’t eat that,” she stated clearly, raising her voice for once. “It has lots of sugar in it, and I’m a diabetic. If I eat it, I’ll get sick.”
Boggs’s terse smile froze and his facial expression bittered as the women started to make sympathetic comments and Devlin turned to say, “Didn’t you know your own daughter has diabetes?”
Boggs tried to relax his face and make a joke out of it. “It slipped my mind completely. I have so many worries that I often forget my own name.”
Grace chuckled loyally, but his guests simply smiled politely. Boggs shifted in his seat and cleared his throat uncomfortable before he spoke up, “Since you’re done with dinner, you’d better go to bed. It’s late, and we adults have some important matters to discuss.”
Lou nodded, and after politely saying her goodbyes, she walked towards the stairs. Steps behind her made her look back, and she saw her father walking behind her. He didn’t say a word, and Lou didn’t dare either. She was opening the door when he gave her a strong shove, which made him bump against the door frame, and then another push had her fall onto her knees. His roaring voice echoed frighteningly close. “How dare you ridicule me down there? I told you this was very important to me, and you decided to go against me… just like your mother!”
“I’m… I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Boggs repeated, mimicking her voice in a mocking way. “You’re as pathetic as your mother!” Louise stared at him in terror, fearing what he would do to him. His face was red with fury, and his hand clutched her arm painfully. However, to her surprised he just swirled around and walked to the door. Before leaving, he paused and turned to her. “You will not leave this room from now on, is that understood?” Lou nodded, and Boggs added, “I can’t wait to pack you off to Hunter again. This weekend has been a bad idea, and having you a total nuisance!”
Then he walked out, slamming the door. His last words resonated in Lou’s mind. Even though she should feel relieved to know that soon she’ll be back home, she suddenly felt very sad. Her father didn’t love her and even thought she was unlovable. Lou knew her father was a bad man, and she shouldn’t care about what he said. But then, why do I feel so sad? She mused.