(no subject)
My Pap just died.
I sort of had myself convinced that I didn't care what was happening with my Pap anymore. Because of the Alzheimer's, Pap hasn't been Pap for a long time.
Between all the drama Gram starts, and the asshole Dad was turning into because of the stress, and the four fucking times the hospital has called to say he was taking a turn for the worse (that first one, they called and had everyone panicking cause they said he was bleeding internally and he just had acid reflux)... I just stopped caring.
That doesn't mean that I don't love my Pap. I spent all morning talking to my sister (who is about the only person who shares me "humor as a defense mechanism" even during times like this), remember all the cool stuff I did with Pap when I was little (I used to put his hair up in little pink ribbons and clips and he used to forget they were in and then go to the store and get confused as to why people were looking at him like he was speshul). I'm about five seconds away from whipping out the old home movies and bawling my eyes out some more.
I'm really going to miss him.
I sort of had myself convinced that I didn't care what was happening with my Pap anymore. Because of the Alzheimer's, Pap hasn't been Pap for a long time.
Between all the drama Gram starts, and the asshole Dad was turning into because of the stress, and the four fucking times the hospital has called to say he was taking a turn for the worse (that first one, they called and had everyone panicking cause they said he was bleeding internally and he just had acid reflux)... I just stopped caring.
That doesn't mean that I don't love my Pap. I spent all morning talking to my sister (who is about the only person who shares me "humor as a defense mechanism" even during times like this), remember all the cool stuff I did with Pap when I was little (I used to put his hair up in little pink ribbons and clips and he used to forget they were in and then go to the store and get confused as to why people were looking at him like he was speshul). I'm about five seconds away from whipping out the old home movies and bawling my eyes out some more.
I'm really going to miss him.