Woodsong ( Read more... )

it's so hard to wish you well, thinking i may not get it myself. so hard to see you happy and smiling and not know about the times you've broken down missing me. i know they're there, i know you broke as hard as i did, and i can't say i didn't want you to feel the pain of it all as much as i have. now that i'm getting ready to move on, the last ( Read more... )

i hadn't allowed myself for a few weeks now to think about this, but there was a moment, and part of me thinks it was the only one, when we were together and i looked into his eyes and loved him the way i loved things as a child. and maybe letting that moment go is the only thing i can't do in this whole fucked up process, and maybe i shouldn't, ( Read more... )

more and more i think of things i want or have wanted and imagine myself giving them away. it feels good to let them go, but i feel disembodied. i wonder if the lightness and the glaze in the eye that folks seem to have when they have been through tough shit and understand their smallness is a loss of that embodiment, if letting the body itself go ( Read more... )

the way things sound, the way they taste. the smell of things that are rotten and sweet. the way it feels to be afraid, the same heart heaviness as being in love. the way it feels to have something and then to want to protect it, to save it. all of these feelings. the way it feels to move through a cloudy day and wait for rain's relief. the way it ( Read more... )

i have been trying lately to make the right decisions, not only for now but also for the future. to set things up so that they will carry on forever in a general direction until i resemble my image of happiness. i talk a lot about saying goodbye to things and people, but i think it's even harder to say goodbye to that image and to live more in the ( Read more... )

tomorrow (today) is my thesis show over in chelsea. the first time i've been proud of my art in a long time. and i'm happy, and i have good friends, and new friends too. boswell, a guy i met about a month ago, he and i are "together" now, he's my first boyfriend. and people are in town visiting, and some are leaving soon, and i am 26 soon and ( Read more... )

some thoughts i wrote while on manhunt ( Read more... )

what my life really needed was more variables and a really stable equals-sign.