Ficlet - Warning: Female of the Species is More Dangerous than the Male
Title: Warning: Female of the Species is More Dangerous than the Male
Author: Merisel
Summary: Maggie meets Cliffjumper
Author's Note: This fic takes place after 'Cream and the Canary'.
Not again... Maggie thought. No sooner had she stepped out of the shower than her cell phone rang.
Twice in the past week Jazz had called, wondering if she was in the mood for another night out. She'd told him no both times, and it wasn't just because of her relationship with Sunstreaker. Jazz really hadn't helped his cause when he blabbed to Prowl about their first date.
To make matters even worse, just yesterday Prowl sought her out to ask if she's received training in gynmastics to be as flexible as Jazz claimed. He even had the nerve to request a personal demonstration of his own. She informed him in no uncertain terms that she was not the neighborhood bicycle.
Despite all that, she had to admit that she was really tempted to take Jazz up on the offer. That holoform of his was sex on a stick.
Jazz, or whoever it was, hung up when the voice mail kicked in. A minute later the phone rang again. Maggie picked it up, and confirmed her suspicions. It was Him. Self-consciously tightening her robe belt, she gave up and answered. "Jazz, I haven't changed my mind--"
"Relax, Sugar. I'm not calling about that...this time," he cut in.
Jazz sounded way too smugly amused. Maggie wished she could reach through her phone and rap the side of his head. "Okayyyy.. What's up?"
"Well, there's good news and there's bad news. Which d'ya want first?"
Now what does Jazz consider bad news? Couldn't be a Decepticon; he would've told her straight out if any more of those bastards was on Earth. "The good first," she decided, putting off the bad news.
"Six new Autobots landed today," Jazz excitedly told her. "We didn't even know they were comin'!"
Maggie's face broke into a grin. "Six? That's terrific! Optimus must be thrilled."
"He sure is!" laughed Jazz. "So's Ironhide. And Ratchet was actually smilin'."
"No way!"
"Way!"
"Oh, I've gotta see that," Maggie chuckled, looking forward to visiting the base now. "So...what's the bad news?"
"Better brace yerself, Honey," he warned her, in the direst of voices.
Uh-oh.. Did some Decepticons follow those Autobots? She sat down on the edge of her bed. "Ok, Jazz. Spill it."
"Cliffjumper's one o' the newbies."
"...... Is that all?" Maggie rolled her eyes, exasperated. "Christ, Jazz. You had me thinking more Decepticons were coming!"
"'Jumper might as well be one," muttered Jazz.
"Uh-huh..." Now that she found hard to believe. Maybe this Cliffjumper did have an attitude, but he was still an Autobot! Maggie started to wonder if Jazz was just screwing with her."Thanks for calling and letting me know."
"Welcome. Ya might wanna steer clear of our place for a few days."
"Are you kidding? Jazz, I don't hide from anyone," she staunchly declared.
"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn ya, Sweets."
"I won't." Maggie frowned. What was with all the nicknames?
Jazz's voice lowered to a purr. "Oh, and speakin' of spilling, I've still got plenty of that oil left.
Oh, my God. Can he get any more brazen?! "I'm hanging up now, Jazz."
"See ya later, Honey," he chuckled.
"Bye."
What is Cliffjumper really like? Maggie wondered that as she got ready to go to the Autobots' base. I'll find out soon enough.
*******************************
Of all the worlds in all the galaxies, the All Spark had to end up on this one, Cliffjumper reflected sourly. Earth was dirty, and reeked! From the moment he landed he was assailed by the odor of rotting vegetation and noxious fumes from one of the the humans' crowded cities. At least their so-called home was some distance away, but still-- How could his fellow Autobots tolerate such miserable conditions?
He'd only half paid attention to the lengthy briefing Prime and Bumblebee gave on humans - they were a dreadfully boring species, after all. But one thing about that species did pique his curiosity. There was a rumor going around that the twins were cavorting with one of the female natives.
Cliffjumper naturally had to find out if this bizarre occurrence was true. Asking Sunstreaker or Sideswipe got him nowhere. They'd smirked and gave cryptic answers, just to annoy him, but he wasn't giving up that easily. Prowl had told him that this Madsen female came to the base three days a week, and today was one of them. Cliffjumper was determined to be outside when she arrives. It'd taken a bribe to convince Ironhide to let him take over the morning guard duty.
After two hours he was bored out of his processor. Where was that silly femme? Prowl said she usually arrived at around 10 a.m., and it was nearly 11 now. Cliffjumper was ready to blackmail that moron, Mirage, into taking over guard duty, when he hear a car approaching the base. Well, it was about time! Madsen had better have a good reason for being late.
But first he wanted to see if she was as timid as most others of her race. Cliffjumper took up a defensive position, his huge cannon pointing directly at the vehicle. Tired screeched, kicking up a cloud of dust, when the car stopped approximately fifty yards away. "State your designation and purpose here!" he demanded in a thunderous voice.
"Why, you son of a bitch!" Maggie swore under her breath, pissed off at being threatened.
It was Cliffjumper; she recognized him from the description Jazz had texted her ten minutes after she left her house. She got out, closing the door a little harder than necessary, then made an effort to calm down. He just landed today, after all.
Cliffjumper's just overly cautious, being on a strange new planet. Maggie plastered a smile on her face, holding her arms up and out to show she wasn't carrying any weapons, and called out to him. "My name's Maggie Madsen. I'm a liason for the United States Department of Defense."
"You may come inside, then," Cliffjumper allowed, after taking his time lowering his cannon.
"Gee, thanks..." Maggie muttered. He made it sound like he was granting some enormous favor. Whose bright idea was it to make him a guard on his first day, anyway? She grabbed her totebag from the car, then rolled the windows up and walked toward Cliffjumper. The way he was watching her made her nervous.
Maggie Madsen was somewhat appealing-looking, with all that sunbright hair, he had to admit. "So you're the twins' plaything."
He did not just say that! "Excuse me?" she managed once she found her voice, and frowned when Cliffjumper had the nerve to tsk at her.
"You know, you can do much better than Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. Especially now that I'm here," he told her conversationally.
Maggie gaped at him in disbelief. Of all the arrogant, conceited--- She bit back a heated reply. Yelling at him would just bring other Autobots out here, not to mention give Cliffjumper the reaction he was probably wanting from her. "You know, from what I've heard about you, I figured you're the one-minute-hump-and-poke type," she said, giving him a good lookover of her own. "So thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass. Oh, and you might wanna scan a different alt mode. That one makes you look bottom heavy."
Astonished by her refusal, and the criticism, Cliffjumper could only stare as the human femme strolled past him.
Score! The look on his face was priceless! Laughing to herself, Maggie went inside to talk to Optimus.
"She actually said no to me?" Cliffjumper muttered. It was difficult to process -- no one had ever told him no without regretting it later -- but what else she'd said bothered him even more. He stalked into the base, looking for and finding the one Autobot who'd tell him the honest truth."Prowl, is my aft huge?"
"Yes."
The End
Author: Merisel
Summary: Maggie meets Cliffjumper
Author's Note: This fic takes place after 'Cream and the Canary'.
Not again... Maggie thought. No sooner had she stepped out of the shower than her cell phone rang.
Twice in the past week Jazz had called, wondering if she was in the mood for another night out. She'd told him no both times, and it wasn't just because of her relationship with Sunstreaker. Jazz really hadn't helped his cause when he blabbed to Prowl about their first date.
To make matters even worse, just yesterday Prowl sought her out to ask if she's received training in gynmastics to be as flexible as Jazz claimed. He even had the nerve to request a personal demonstration of his own. She informed him in no uncertain terms that she was not the neighborhood bicycle.
Despite all that, she had to admit that she was really tempted to take Jazz up on the offer. That holoform of his was sex on a stick.
Jazz, or whoever it was, hung up when the voice mail kicked in. A minute later the phone rang again. Maggie picked it up, and confirmed her suspicions. It was Him. Self-consciously tightening her robe belt, she gave up and answered. "Jazz, I haven't changed my mind--"
"Relax, Sugar. I'm not calling about that...this time," he cut in.
Jazz sounded way too smugly amused. Maggie wished she could reach through her phone and rap the side of his head. "Okayyyy.. What's up?"
"Well, there's good news and there's bad news. Which d'ya want first?"
Now what does Jazz consider bad news? Couldn't be a Decepticon; he would've told her straight out if any more of those bastards was on Earth. "The good first," she decided, putting off the bad news.
"Six new Autobots landed today," Jazz excitedly told her. "We didn't even know they were comin'!"
Maggie's face broke into a grin. "Six? That's terrific! Optimus must be thrilled."
"He sure is!" laughed Jazz. "So's Ironhide. And Ratchet was actually smilin'."
"No way!"
"Way!"
"Oh, I've gotta see that," Maggie chuckled, looking forward to visiting the base now. "So...what's the bad news?"
"Better brace yerself, Honey," he warned her, in the direst of voices.
Uh-oh.. Did some Decepticons follow those Autobots? She sat down on the edge of her bed. "Ok, Jazz. Spill it."
"Cliffjumper's one o' the newbies."
"...... Is that all?" Maggie rolled her eyes, exasperated. "Christ, Jazz. You had me thinking more Decepticons were coming!"
"'Jumper might as well be one," muttered Jazz.
"Uh-huh..." Now that she found hard to believe. Maybe this Cliffjumper did have an attitude, but he was still an Autobot! Maggie started to wonder if Jazz was just screwing with her."Thanks for calling and letting me know."
"Welcome. Ya might wanna steer clear of our place for a few days."
"Are you kidding? Jazz, I don't hide from anyone," she staunchly declared.
"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn ya, Sweets."
"I won't." Maggie frowned. What was with all the nicknames?
Jazz's voice lowered to a purr. "Oh, and speakin' of spilling, I've still got plenty of that oil left.
Oh, my God. Can he get any more brazen?! "I'm hanging up now, Jazz."
"See ya later, Honey," he chuckled.
"Bye."
What is Cliffjumper really like? Maggie wondered that as she got ready to go to the Autobots' base. I'll find out soon enough.
*******************************
Of all the worlds in all the galaxies, the All Spark had to end up on this one, Cliffjumper reflected sourly. Earth was dirty, and reeked! From the moment he landed he was assailed by the odor of rotting vegetation and noxious fumes from one of the the humans' crowded cities. At least their so-called home was some distance away, but still-- How could his fellow Autobots tolerate such miserable conditions?
He'd only half paid attention to the lengthy briefing Prime and Bumblebee gave on humans - they were a dreadfully boring species, after all. But one thing about that species did pique his curiosity. There was a rumor going around that the twins were cavorting with one of the female natives.
Cliffjumper naturally had to find out if this bizarre occurrence was true. Asking Sunstreaker or Sideswipe got him nowhere. They'd smirked and gave cryptic answers, just to annoy him, but he wasn't giving up that easily. Prowl had told him that this Madsen female came to the base three days a week, and today was one of them. Cliffjumper was determined to be outside when she arrives. It'd taken a bribe to convince Ironhide to let him take over the morning guard duty.
After two hours he was bored out of his processor. Where was that silly femme? Prowl said she usually arrived at around 10 a.m., and it was nearly 11 now. Cliffjumper was ready to blackmail that moron, Mirage, into taking over guard duty, when he hear a car approaching the base. Well, it was about time! Madsen had better have a good reason for being late.
But first he wanted to see if she was as timid as most others of her race. Cliffjumper took up a defensive position, his huge cannon pointing directly at the vehicle. Tired screeched, kicking up a cloud of dust, when the car stopped approximately fifty yards away. "State your designation and purpose here!" he demanded in a thunderous voice.
"Why, you son of a bitch!" Maggie swore under her breath, pissed off at being threatened.
It was Cliffjumper; she recognized him from the description Jazz had texted her ten minutes after she left her house. She got out, closing the door a little harder than necessary, then made an effort to calm down. He just landed today, after all.
Cliffjumper's just overly cautious, being on a strange new planet. Maggie plastered a smile on her face, holding her arms up and out to show she wasn't carrying any weapons, and called out to him. "My name's Maggie Madsen. I'm a liason for the United States Department of Defense."
"You may come inside, then," Cliffjumper allowed, after taking his time lowering his cannon.
"Gee, thanks..." Maggie muttered. He made it sound like he was granting some enormous favor. Whose bright idea was it to make him a guard on his first day, anyway? She grabbed her totebag from the car, then rolled the windows up and walked toward Cliffjumper. The way he was watching her made her nervous.
Maggie Madsen was somewhat appealing-looking, with all that sunbright hair, he had to admit. "So you're the twins' plaything."
He did not just say that! "Excuse me?" she managed once she found her voice, and frowned when Cliffjumper had the nerve to tsk at her.
"You know, you can do much better than Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. Especially now that I'm here," he told her conversationally.
Maggie gaped at him in disbelief. Of all the arrogant, conceited--- She bit back a heated reply. Yelling at him would just bring other Autobots out here, not to mention give Cliffjumper the reaction he was probably wanting from her. "You know, from what I've heard about you, I figured you're the one-minute-hump-and-poke type," she said, giving him a good lookover of her own. "So thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass. Oh, and you might wanna scan a different alt mode. That one makes you look bottom heavy."
Astonished by her refusal, and the criticism, Cliffjumper could only stare as the human femme strolled past him.
Score! The look on his face was priceless! Laughing to herself, Maggie went inside to talk to Optimus.
"She actually said no to me?" Cliffjumper muttered. It was difficult to process -- no one had ever told him no without regretting it later -- but what else she'd said bothered him even more. He stalked into the base, looking for and finding the one Autobot who'd tell him the honest truth."Prowl, is my aft huge?"
"Yes."
The End