Fic -
Merlin Meetup Fic
Author: Everybody at the 3rd Meetup
"Arthur, honestly."
"What. He wanted to dress like that."
"But is is my dress."
Morgana stood in the doorway, hands on her hips. Arthur raised an eyebrow and Merlin was doing a very bad job at trying to hide.
"Look, we were just borrowing it for five minutes. Well a night."
"You're under the illusion that I'll want it back," Morgana shot back, looking down at her hands.
Merlin coughed but didn't say anything. He was almost as red as the dress he was wearing.
"So do I want to know what you're doing with my dress?"
Merlin went, if possible even redder. Even Arthur was looking slightly flushed.
She held up a hand. "No, wait I have no desire to know what depraved sex games you are both playing."
"Sex games?" choked out Merlin. "We aren't -"
"Uh, Merlin, I think she caught us. There's no point lying."
Morgana narrowed her eyes. What were they up to?
"Cock," Merlin blurted out.
"Cock?" Arthur repeated incredulously. "Merlin, you're not supposed to say things like that in front of ladies."
"Cock?" Morgana said then.
"I don't know what came over me," Merlin said, turning red-faced and then, "Cock" he said again.
Arthur and Morgana exchanged slightly worried looks. "Cock?" Morgana mouthed silently and Arthur shrugged.
"Merlin," he said, using the tone of voice normally reserved for frightened animals, "Are you feeling alright?"
"Cock!" Merlin blurted out again."
"Merlin. Control yourself."
"I'd rather you control me, Arthur." Merlin blurted out while waggling his eyebrows. His eyes widened and the leer on his face was replaced with a look of horror.
"Merlin, have you been at the wine again behind my back?" Arthur asked.
"No," Merlin replied vehemently, "I just... I suddenly find myself with the compulsion to do all manner of inappropriate things with you."
"And this is something new?" Morgana asked wryly.
It was at that moment, that the king entered.
"Arthur, why is your manservant wearing a dress?"
"Cock"
Uther raised his eyebrows at Merlin's sudden outburst. "Arthur you must learn to control your servants"
Uther called for a guard and after a whispered conversation the man disappeared.
"Oh double cock" Merlin muttered
Merlin and Arthur shifted around uncomfortably under the Kings gaze until the guard returned. Returned with chains. Arthur's eyes widened at the sight of the chains and he gave Merlin a filthy grin.
"Oh cock" said Merlin, deciding that things couldn't get any worse. Which was when Uther remembered that Merlin was in a dress.
"Excuse me," Uther said in shock What on earth is your servant dressed in?" Uther turned to Arthur, averting his eyes from the young warlock.
"Well," Arthur said talking much too fast "Its just that"
"Arthur my son, is there something you want to tell the court? Because I want you to know, there are things Kings don't talk about, but happen, Royal privilege..."
"well." Arthur repeated, "Merlin and I.. well we're..."
"Cock," Merlin said again cowering under the gaze of Uther.
"Say no more," Uther said with what bordered on a kindly smile, "I understand.
"You do?" Arthur asked.
"Certainly. I have a similar relationship with Gaius and have done for some years."
Arthur looked like he was going to be sick.
Merlin, in contrast, was eyeing the chains again. "Well, all this is very nice but if you're not going to be upset with us... could we know that?" he gestured to the chains.
Uther looked perplexed. "What purpose could a chain and manacles serve? Guard return it to the dungeon."
Arthur had recovered his composure. "That's an excellent idea. Merlin what were you thinking?"
The boy wizard blushed and shuffled his feet.
"Come on," Arthur added, pointing to the door, "You and I will see this returned to its rightful place in the dungeon... personally."
Merlin, Arthur and the chain left the audience chamber. Uther sighed, finally his secret was out, and it was a relief. All those long years after Igraine's death. He turned to a guard. "Tell Gaius I require his services. And tell him to bring the duck."
Gaius arrived quickly. Although he couldn't find the duck, he nevertheless brought a cock. It was red and... had feathers.
With the cock under his arm Gaius couldn't believe his eyes. "Merlin, boy. Have you gone mad?"
Merlin blushed red then shook his head, "It's all an elaborate joke really. Hence the cock and the duck."
Gaius raised an eyebrow, "And where does the dress come in?"
'Oh," said Merlin, "Arthur forced me to wear it and it's really very comfortable. He hesitated, "Er... was that too much information?"
"Yes, you silly cock," said Gaius, "I was hoping I could wear it?"
"Or rather," he continued when Merlin's only response was to turn a rather sickly shade of green, "If you would refer to keep it, are there any others where you got that?"
"I'm not sure Morgana has any in your size." Merlin blurted. Suddenly he felt struck down by two glares. One Gaius', who was utilising his eyebrow to teh best effect, and one Morgana's. The fact that she was in another part of the castle entirely and didn't even know Merlin had given away yet more of her wardrobe was entirely irrelevant, Merlin was sure that somewhere Morgana was glaring at him.
"Oh cock" he said miserably.
"In that case we forgo the dress and just skip to the chains and the duck." Uther proclaimed.
"What exactly is the duck for?" Merlin asked before thinking cause really does he ever?
"Well its quite simple really when Gaius is all chained and spread I insert the duck."
"I really don't need to hear this" Arthur said loudly, as Princes do not yell.
"... The feathers and the wriggling really add to the experience, "If you like I'm sure Gaius can provide you with a full medical and scientific explanation of why it works."
"NO! Thats fine. We'll leave you to it. Come on Merlin" Arthur proclaimed while dragging Merlin out of the room and into the corridor and then into a closet. For several hours strange noises emanated which highly resembled a pig being forced to fly.
THE END
COCK COUNT: 15
And to think we wrote this before we'd really had anything to drink :D
Author: Everybody at the 3rd Meetup
"Arthur, honestly."
"What. He wanted to dress like that."
"But is is my dress."
Morgana stood in the doorway, hands on her hips. Arthur raised an eyebrow and Merlin was doing a very bad job at trying to hide.
"Look, we were just borrowing it for five minutes. Well a night."
"You're under the illusion that I'll want it back," Morgana shot back, looking down at her hands.
Merlin coughed but didn't say anything. He was almost as red as the dress he was wearing.
"So do I want to know what you're doing with my dress?"
Merlin went, if possible even redder. Even Arthur was looking slightly flushed.
She held up a hand. "No, wait I have no desire to know what depraved sex games you are both playing."
"Sex games?" choked out Merlin. "We aren't -"
"Uh, Merlin, I think she caught us. There's no point lying."
Morgana narrowed her eyes. What were they up to?
"Cock," Merlin blurted out.
"Cock?" Arthur repeated incredulously. "Merlin, you're not supposed to say things like that in front of ladies."
"Cock?" Morgana said then.
"I don't know what came over me," Merlin said, turning red-faced and then, "Cock" he said again.
Arthur and Morgana exchanged slightly worried looks. "Cock?" Morgana mouthed silently and Arthur shrugged.
"Merlin," he said, using the tone of voice normally reserved for frightened animals, "Are you feeling alright?"
"Cock!" Merlin blurted out again."
"Merlin. Control yourself."
"I'd rather you control me, Arthur." Merlin blurted out while waggling his eyebrows. His eyes widened and the leer on his face was replaced with a look of horror.
"Merlin, have you been at the wine again behind my back?" Arthur asked.
"No," Merlin replied vehemently, "I just... I suddenly find myself with the compulsion to do all manner of inappropriate things with you."
"And this is something new?" Morgana asked wryly.
It was at that moment, that the king entered.
"Arthur, why is your manservant wearing a dress?"
"Cock"
Uther raised his eyebrows at Merlin's sudden outburst. "Arthur you must learn to control your servants"
Uther called for a guard and after a whispered conversation the man disappeared.
"Oh double cock" Merlin muttered
Merlin and Arthur shifted around uncomfortably under the Kings gaze until the guard returned. Returned with chains. Arthur's eyes widened at the sight of the chains and he gave Merlin a filthy grin.
"Oh cock" said Merlin, deciding that things couldn't get any worse. Which was when Uther remembered that Merlin was in a dress.
"Excuse me," Uther said in shock What on earth is your servant dressed in?" Uther turned to Arthur, averting his eyes from the young warlock.
"Well," Arthur said talking much too fast "Its just that"
"Arthur my son, is there something you want to tell the court? Because I want you to know, there are things Kings don't talk about, but happen, Royal privilege..."
"well." Arthur repeated, "Merlin and I.. well we're..."
"Cock," Merlin said again cowering under the gaze of Uther.
"Say no more," Uther said with what bordered on a kindly smile, "I understand.
"You do?" Arthur asked.
"Certainly. I have a similar relationship with Gaius and have done for some years."
Arthur looked like he was going to be sick.
Merlin, in contrast, was eyeing the chains again. "Well, all this is very nice but if you're not going to be upset with us... could we know that?" he gestured to the chains.
Uther looked perplexed. "What purpose could a chain and manacles serve? Guard return it to the dungeon."
Arthur had recovered his composure. "That's an excellent idea. Merlin what were you thinking?"
The boy wizard blushed and shuffled his feet.
"Come on," Arthur added, pointing to the door, "You and I will see this returned to its rightful place in the dungeon... personally."
Merlin, Arthur and the chain left the audience chamber. Uther sighed, finally his secret was out, and it was a relief. All those long years after Igraine's death. He turned to a guard. "Tell Gaius I require his services. And tell him to bring the duck."
Gaius arrived quickly. Although he couldn't find the duck, he nevertheless brought a cock. It was red and... had feathers.
With the cock under his arm Gaius couldn't believe his eyes. "Merlin, boy. Have you gone mad?"
Merlin blushed red then shook his head, "It's all an elaborate joke really. Hence the cock and the duck."
Gaius raised an eyebrow, "And where does the dress come in?"
'Oh," said Merlin, "Arthur forced me to wear it and it's really very comfortable. He hesitated, "Er... was that too much information?"
"Yes, you silly cock," said Gaius, "I was hoping I could wear it?"
"Or rather," he continued when Merlin's only response was to turn a rather sickly shade of green, "If you would refer to keep it, are there any others where you got that?"
"I'm not sure Morgana has any in your size." Merlin blurted. Suddenly he felt struck down by two glares. One Gaius', who was utilising his eyebrow to teh best effect, and one Morgana's. The fact that she was in another part of the castle entirely and didn't even know Merlin had given away yet more of her wardrobe was entirely irrelevant, Merlin was sure that somewhere Morgana was glaring at him.
"Oh cock" he said miserably.
"In that case we forgo the dress and just skip to the chains and the duck." Uther proclaimed.
"What exactly is the duck for?" Merlin asked before thinking cause really does he ever?
"Well its quite simple really when Gaius is all chained and spread I insert the duck."
"I really don't need to hear this" Arthur said loudly, as Princes do not yell.
"... The feathers and the wriggling really add to the experience, "If you like I'm sure Gaius can provide you with a full medical and scientific explanation of why it works."
"NO! Thats fine. We'll leave you to it. Come on Merlin" Arthur proclaimed while dragging Merlin out of the room and into the corridor and then into a closet. For several hours strange noises emanated which highly resembled a pig being forced to fly.
THE END
COCK COUNT: 15
And to think we wrote this before we'd really had anything to drink :D