Merlin Fanfiction: A Truly Terrible Idea
‘Have you read this?’ Bradley yelled in outrage, brandishing the script wildly and causing Colin to duck for cover.
‘Umm no. Why? What’s wrong’
‘What’s wrong? What’s wrong?’ Bradley spluttered clearly unable to string a coherent sentence together. He grabbed Colin’s script, rifled through the pages before stopping on the offending page and stabbing it with his finger. ‘That is what’s wrong!’
Colin scanned the page quickly, his face turning an interesting array of colours as he did so. First he flushed a deep red all the way to his ears, before going very pale and then settling on a rather interesting green colour.
‘Well I don’t see the problem’ Colin said with forced nonchalance.
‘For an actor you’re an appalling liar’ Bradley said. ‘Besides you’ve turned green.’
Colin scanned the page again and then, ‘Why?’ he burst out.
‘That’s what I said!’ Bradley exclaimed. ‘Some spell?’
‘A spell that makes us... have sex?’ Colin whispered the last two words as if just saying then would make them true. ‘For what reason?’ He was shouting again now.
‘I don’t know! But I’m going to find out.’
*
Johnny had gone into a long explanation about the scene and apart from using the words ‘homo-erotic’ several times didn’t seem any closer to really explaining why this was happening. Upon seeing the mixture of confusion and indignant outrage on Bradley’s face, Julian took over.
‘Oh relax Bradley it’s just a tiny sex scene. Non explicit. I don’t get the problem’ he said with excruciating calm.
‘What’s the problem? You are making Arthur and Merlin have sex. I don’t see how it adds to the storyline at all, the idea is ill-conceived at best and besides this is a kid’s show’ Bradley said pulling his trump card.
‘Oh yes but this is late night Merlin.’
‘What?’
‘Late night Merlin’ Johnny took over. ‘A show that’s a bit darker, more violent and more well... sexual. A one-off hour slot’
‘Oh I get it!’ Bradley said suddenly and then laughed. Johnny and Julian exchanged a worried look as Bradley laughed hysterically. ‘This is a joke right? Very funny. Where are the hidden cameras?’ Bradley looked around expectantly as if a camera man was about to step out of the cupboard or something.
‘This isn’t a joke Bradley’ Johnny said, looking a little concerned for Bradley’s health.
Bradley paled again. ‘It’s not?’ he said with the air of a man who had just lost his remaining lifeline.
‘Look this is all about giving the fan’s what they want. One little sex scene now and these so called ‘slashers’ will be happy forever. It’s for the good of the show. You understand that don’t you?’ Julian said, still terrifyingly calm.
Bradley stared at him for a long while. ‘No. I think this is a terrible idea’ is what he said although if he was perfectly honest with himself he did understand. He was a bit of an ex-slasher himself and he knew how thrilled he would have been if his OTP had suddenly got together on screen. But this was different. ‘There’s nothing wrong with the show. If you want to give the fans what they want why don’t you just let Merlin reveal his magic?’ That was another sore point with him. He was worried that Arthur was starting to look a bit stupid what with all this obvious magic going over his head.
‘Oh we will at some point. Anyway this isn’t up for debate Bradley. It’s happening. Deal with it.’
*
‘Have you seen this?’ Bradley asked Katie. Katie glanced at the scene he was pointing at and then smiled wickedly.
‘Oh yes. The Arthur/Merlin sex scene.’ She laughed evilly. ‘What’s wrong with it?’
‘What’s wrong with...?’ Bradley spluttered. Had everyone gone mad? ‘Just what is right about it?’ he demanded.
‘Oh come on it’s so much in the subtext that it’s practically text’ Katie said scathingly. ‘They may as well call the show ‘The Gay Adventures of Arthur and Merlin’ and be done with it.’
Bradley sputtered some more, unable to believe what he was hearing. Katie simply watched him calmly, waiting for him to regain control somewhat. ‘How is it in the subtext?’ is all Bradley could manage at that moment. ‘Give me one way.’
‘Oh for... I could give you ten!’ Katie said and started ticking off on her fingers. ‘The dragon for one. All this ‘the half cannot truly hate that makes it whole’ business. ‘Two sides of the same coin’ etc. Then there’s all this ridiculous self sacrifice that the pair of you insist on. How many times have you laid you lives down for each other? And the innuendo! Walking on knees, polishing swords, taking apart with a blow etc. It’s obvious. And don’t get me started on the eye sex!’
Bradley, who had been listening in a sort of horrified stupor, came to life suddenly. ‘What do you mean eye sex?’
‘Eye sex.’ Katie repeated as if it were obvious. When Bradley still looked blank she looked at him incredulously. ‘You have watched the show haven’t you?’ she asked as if actually unsure of the answer.
‘Of course. I got the DVD just like everyone else.’ Bradley said.
‘Well then how have you missed it? All the lingering glances, speaking things that you cannot voice aloud’ Katie sighed dreamily.
‘Myself and Colin do not have eye sex!’ Bradley said hotly.
‘Who said anything about you and Colin? I was talking about Merlin and Arthur.’ Katie grinned slyly.
‘For the love of... It’s Arthur and Gwen. Gwen!’ Bradley shouted and stomped off with Katie calling, ‘whatever you say!’ after him.
On reflection Katie wasn’t the best person to go to when in need of comfort.
*
‘Mate level with me here.’ Bradley said to Rupert slightly desperately. ‘Do you think this Merlin/Arthur... thing is a good idea?’
Rupert recoiled slightly and with good reason. Bradley was wild eyed and looked about a second away from grabbing Rupert by the front of his shirt and shaking him.
‘Erm honestly?’ Rupert said.
Bradley thought for a moment. ‘No just tell me what I want to hear.’
‘I think it’s a terrible idea’ Rupert said promptly.
‘And honestly?’ Bradley said his tone laced with dread.
‘Honestly....’ Rupert thought for a moment. ‘I’m not sure it really adds anything to the show that isn’t already there in the you know...subtext’
Bradley frowned. Here was this subtext again. ‘Am I really the only one who hasn’t noticed this?’ Bradley thought to himself before voicing the thought out loud.
‘Probably’ Rupert shrugged. ‘It’s sort of obvious.’
Bradley thought on this for a moment and then said, ‘You would tell me if this was all a joke right?’ The wild eyed look of desperation had returned.
‘Yes’ Rupert said quickly.
‘Yes it’s a joke?’ Bradley said hopefully.
‘Yes I would tell you’ Rupert corrected him.
Bradley visibly deflated. ‘I thought as much.’
*
‘And you know I’m fine with sex scenes and stuff. It’s just this is a gay sex scene. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just I’m not. You know? And well it’s Colin and it’s weird. And just well er... I’m not sure I really want to be that intimate with another bloke especially Colin. Well not especially Colin. Any bloke really. Er so you see that is why this is a catastrophically terrible idea!’ Bradley had been ranting about five minutes without pause to some poor random extra that had stopped long enough to earn Bradley’s tirade.
The extra stared at him for a moment as though checking he had indeed finished before he spoke.
‘Je ne comprends pas. Je suis le français.’ He said apologetically and walked away leaving Bradley alone. Fortunately they were some of the few French phrases Bradley actually knew, having used them himself on many occasions apart from saying he was English obviously. I do not understand. I am French.
*
Tony was his last hope. Tony would understand. Surely Tony would understand. But Tony just laughed when Bradley mumbled pathetically about ‘...sure it’s meant to be in my contract if I’m expected to have gay sex.’
‘Hahaha come on Bradley. You must have known what you had got yourself into pretty much after the first three episodes’ he said, not at all sympathetic.
‘But I’m not gay’ Bradley said, somewhat desperately Tony thought.
‘Neither am I but I’ve done gay scenes in my time.’ Tony shrugged.
‘Yes but that’s different. This is Colin! I just...’
‘You just what Bradley?’ Tony said in a voice quite different from his usual mocking tones.
‘Erm nothing. No it’s fine’ Bradley said and made a frantic escape.
‘Methinks the man doth protest too much’ Tony said thoughtfully.
*
‘Why can’t I just have sex with you?’ Bradley moaned to Angel later. She looked a bit disturbed by this declaration.
‘Er what?’ she said.
‘Oh relax Angel. I meant in this ‘Late Night Merlin’ business.’ Bradley snapped, a bit too irritated to be civil but immediately regretting his sharp tone. ‘Sorry’ he added abruptly before resuming his position lying on a bench with Angel sitting at the end of it where she had been attempting to read.
‘Ah well that’s not what the fans want. Well I’m sure some fans want it but the majority want some hot man on man butt sex’ she said with an evil grin.
‘I can’t believe everyone thinks you’re so sweet.’ Bradley groaned. ‘If I didn’t know better I would say that you are one of these fangirls that seem intent on making my life miserable.’ He languished back dramatically with a hand to his forehead and shut his eyes.
‘Oh no I’m a lot more into RPF.’ Angel deadpanned.
Bradley’s eyes snapped open. ‘Huh? What does RPF stand for? Angel? Angel come back!’ But Angel had already hopped off the bench and walked away leaving Bradley to languish on his own.
*
‘It stands for Real Person Fiction!’ Bradley shouted in horror. Ah Urban Dictionary. What would he do without it?
‘What does?’ Colin asked, looking up from his script, mildly curious.
‘Oh er... nothing.’ Bradley said shiftily and quickly shut his laptop, deciding he would confront Angel later. ‘Been reading?’ he said quickly changing the subject.
‘Mmm yes. You know I’ve been thinking about this sex scene’ Colin said. ‘And it’s not so bad. It sort of fit’s the storyline.’ He looked down at the script again. ‘An evil warlock yadayada erm... yes he enchants Arthur and Merlin to make them lust for each other yadayada... and then walks in on them when they are er... *cough* fornicating and threatens to tell the King. The perfect blackmail. Besides we’re both secure in our sexuality. It’s not explicit and you’ve done sex scenes before. I’ve done gayish scenes before. I’m sure that together we can muddle on through well enough.’
Bradley stared at him for a long while until Colin shifted uncomfortably. ‘Bradley?’
‘Not you too!’ Bradley said.
‘What?’ Colin asked in confusion.
‘The whole cast’s gone mad. No one seems to think it’s weird that Merlin and Arthur have sex. No it’s all eyes sex and subtext and je ne comprends pas and knowing what I got myself into and butt sex. What is wrong with everyone? This is a truly terrible idea’ Bradley shouted in frustration.
Colin, having understood about 5% of what Bradley had just said, looked a little concerned. ‘Bradley I’m really not sure what the major issue is here’ he said hesitantly. ‘It’s just acting.’ Colin placed a careful hand on Bradley’s shoulder.
Bradley just managed to resist the urge to flinch away. It’s not for me. Bradley didn’t voice this and smiled weakly. ‘Yeah I guess you’re right.’
*
It appeared that everyone had turned up to watch the infamous scene being filmed. Cast, crew, extras and even random passer-by’s it seemed. Bradley took one look at the huge crowd clustered into the bedchamber set and paled significantly before turning to Johnny, an appeal ready on his lips. Johnny pre-empted him however.
‘Alright I just want Colin, Bradley and everyone that it is crucial for them to be here. Everyone else get out!’ Johnny’s tone brooked no argument and everyone else left muttering discontentedly to each other, Angel flashing an encouraging smile over her shoulder. When the majority of the people had left, although there still seemed to be slightly more people than usual trying to appear busy and useful, the director, Ed, turned to Colin and Bradley.
‘Right position’s please. Now remember you’re meant to be overcome with passion. We need to believe this okay?’
Colin nodded cheerily enough but Bradley felt a bit sick. He could not shake the feeling that this was an epically terrible idea.
‘Arthur?’ Merlin said uncertainly. ‘Do you feel a bit...’ he shifted uncomfortably, ‘...funny?’
‘You really are an idiot aren’t you Merlin?’ Arthur said and was suddenly very close, in Merlin’s personal space, crowding him against the wall. He pupils were wide and he licked his lips subconsciously as he looked into Merlin’s face.
‘Sire...?’ Merlin started again but was cut off by Arthur’s kiss. Merlin moaned, a sound he would probably be embarrassed about later but right now his mind was on other matters as he laced his fingers through Arthur’s hair and...
‘Cut!’
Bradley stepped back from Colin immediately, resisting the childish urge to wipe his mouth with his hands. In truth he had hardly touched Colin, the kiss had been tight lipped and closed mouthed, more a peck than anything and Colin had been brilliant, trying to act enough for the pair of them, sensing Bradley’s discomfort. But Bradley knew it wasn’t enough.
‘Er Bradley you’re a little stiff.’ Ed said, confirming Bradley’s suspicions. ‘Remember you’re overcome with lust. It’s not meant to be a chore. Hmmm why don’t we try with Merlin initiating the kiss?’
‘Okay’ Colin said shrugging.
‘Fine’ Bradley said curtly, vaguely aware that the quicker they got a take the quicker he could get out of there.
‘Alright then. Action!’
‘Arthur? Do you feel a bit... funny?’
‘You really are an idiot aren’t you Merlin?’
‘Sire...’ this time it was a sigh and Merlin cut himself off as he leant forward to press his lips to Arthur’s. Except it wasn’t Merlin kissing Arthur. It was Colin kissing Bradley. Colin started slow, just a tender slide of his lips against Bradley’s. He felt Bradley relax slightly and his kiss became firmer, more insistent. He parted his lips slightly and ran his tongue along Bradley’s lower lip eliciting a small delicious noise from Bradley.
Bradley tugged Colin closer to him, his arms wrapping tightly around Colin’s waist and holding him close. He opened his own mouth a little and their tongue’s met messily, fighting for dominance. Bradley fought back a groan. This felt too good, too right and Bradley realised he was in trouble. His mind was foggy; he couldn’t remember what was meant to happen now.
Colin took charge. He withdrew slightly, and Bradley let a small noise of disappointment escape him before he could stop himself. Colin grinned and started to push Bradley backwards until they both tumbled onto the bed. Bradley fought to remember the script, all too aware of Colin’s welcome weight on top of him and Colin’s soft breath ghosting across his face. Bradley seemed to remember the script got a bit vague at this point. They strip. It wasn’t clear how and Bradley guessed that was left up to the director. But Ed seemed content to just let them get on with it and Colin was already tugging Bradley’s shirt up over his head and who was Bradley to argue?
Bradley struggled out of the shirt and reached up to capture Colin’s lips in another kiss before kissing his way down Colin’s neck. His hand’s slid up under Colin’s shirt and he caressed the soft skin there, causing Colin to gasp in a way that caused Bradley’s blood to head south. Okay not good, Bradley thought even as he tore Colin’s shirt over his head almost aggressively. Colin looked at him, his eyes full of a fierce want and Bradley had to remind himself that they were acting. This isn’t real.
It felt all too real as Colin started to kiss his way down Bradley’s chest, grazing a nipple with his hand as he did so and causing Bradley to moan again. Ann Widdecombe, Ann Widdecombe, Ann Widdecombe he chanted to himself fighting down his natural reaction to this, to Colin doing things that were usually reserved for his fantasies.
‘Cut!’
It was a relief to Bradley, things were getting a little too heated around here but Colin seemed in no rush to move. He merely adjusted his legs so he was straddling Bradley’s hips more comfortably and turned to look at Ed.
‘Problem?’ Colin chirped and Bradley was jealous at how composed Colin was.
‘Hmm not exactly. It’s just... would Merlin be on top do you think?’
Bradley suppressed a groan of horror. He couldn’t believe that they were going to have this conversation now with Colin on top of him. Luckily Colin, seeming to sense that this may take a while, slid off Bradley and sat next to him instead, allowing Bradley to shift slightly away from him and gave him time to compose himself.
Johnny and Ed discussed the possibilities for some time and Bradley wanted to shout at them. Why didn’t you think about this before, instead of right now when I’m half naked and semi aroused?
‘No I like it as it is’ Johnny said decisively. ‘I think it’s important that in their passion they become equals, therefore it’s perfectly alright for Merlin to take the lead.’
‘Hmm okay resume your positions and we’ll run the scene to the end.’ Ed waited while Colin scrambled to get back on top of Bradley. ‘Okay? Action!’
Colin resumed his ministrations, kissing and licking his way down Bradley’s body until he reached Bradley’s breeches.
‘Don’t think we’ll be needing these Colin said a little breathlessly, a vast difference from the calm and chirpy tone he had just been using with Ed. He undid the laces teasingly slowly.
‘Merlin’ Bradley gritted out just managing to stop himself saying Colin by accident. That wouldn’t be good.
‘Yes Arthur?’ Colin said mockingly but he finished the job. He slid the breeches slightly down Bradley’s hips but not far and certainly not enough to reveal anything to camera. They weren’t required to get naked for this scene, just topless so the camera would be on their top half. They just had to make it realistic.
Colin leaned down and kissed Bradley again, hard and needy, letting out small breathy moans as Bradley ran a hand down his back. Bradley could no longer fight his growing arousal and just hoped that Colin, who currently had his hips lifted off Bradley for their comfort, would not notice. He allowed his own hands to wander down and unlace Colin’s trousers. He fumbled slightly distracted by Colin kissing along his jaw line and moaned in frustration at his clumsy fingers. He finally got them undone and slid them down slightly.
That was Colin’s cue to start moving and he ground down with a breathy sigh but didn’t quite let them touch. Colin looked down with his eyes half lidded and full of need and Bradley lost what little control he had over proceedings. As Colin moved down again, Bradley ground up and he felt his erection rub against Colin’s hip.
‘Oh God Colin.’ Bradley moaned before he could stop himself and he opened his eyes to see Colin looking down at him a little worried, a little confused.
‘Cut!’
This time Colin rolled off him immediately, keeping a wary distance and Bradley cursed himself for his stupidity. He didn’t know if it was his obvious arousal, the way he had said Colin’s name or a combination of the two that had freaked Colin out. Either way it wasn’t good.
‘Sorry my bad. I said Colin.’ Bradley laughed, trying to play it off even as he pulled up the covers to cover his current state.
Ed didn’t seem to notice anything odd. ‘No that’s fine. We’ll just do that same scene from a few more angles and then we’ll get Toby to burst in on the pair of you. Okay?’
*
He had royally fucked up. This is why he hadn’t wanted to do this stupid scene in the first place. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide his very confused feelings for Colin. And the scene had pretty much gone downhill after that anyway. Even though Colin had acted faultlessly in the retakes of the scene, Bradley had felt the tension in his body. He was nowhere near as relaxed as he had been the first time through. This had set Bradley on edge too and it had been a while before they got the scene wrapped up.
Bradley sighed and collapsed on his bed. Colin’s probably never going to talk to me again Bradley thought morosely.
But as was usual he was proved wrong barely five minutes later as there was a light knock on the door almost as if the knocker didn’t want to be heard. Bradley leapt off the bed immediately, knowing instinctively that it was Colin and not allowing him the opportunity to slip away.
‘Hi’ Colin said uncertainly as Bradley yanked the door open. ‘Can I...?’ he gestured into the room and Bradley nodded mutely before stepping aside to let him pass. He shut the door slowly and turned to look into the room where Colin had begun pacing up and down. He didn’t seem that inclined to start talking so Bradley simply sank into a chair and watched him.
Eventually though, he couldn’t take this oppressive silence any longer. ‘Colin?’ he said uncertainly.
Colin started evidently pulled from his thoughts. He ceased his pacing and then sat tentatively on the edge of the bed facing Bradley.
‘It’s about what happened earlier...’ Colin paused and swallowed nervously. ‘Was it just... er you know because well kissing and stuff or do you... I mean it’s fine if you don’t I just... you know what I shouldn’t have said anything.’ Colin ground to a halt and then looked at Bradley hopefully as if expecting him to answer.
‘Colin’ Bradley said. ‘I have no idea what you’re trying to say.’
Colin flushed. ‘Was it just because of kissing and stuff or do you actually like me...like that?’ Colin said in a rush.
Bradley stared at him for a moment. Colin still looked achingly hopeful but lost, sat there, twisting his hand in his lap. Bradley crossed over to him in two easy strides and sat next to him on the bed. He looked at him carefully, hoping that he wasn’t misreading this. But no, he was sure.
‘I hope this answers your question’ Bradley said softly and leant forward to press his lips to Colin’s.
It was so much better than before. This time they weren’t in a room full of people, in front of rolling cameras or playing a role. This time it was just them and their mouths fitted together perfectly, gently, almost tentative and a far cry from the messy passionate kissing of earlier. But this was different. Now they could take their time.
Bradley nibbled gently at Colin’s lip and Colin moaned appreciatively. Bradley noticed the difference immediately. This moan had been real, deep from within Colin’s chest almost wrenched out of him without conscious thought and so different from the small breathy ‘Merlin’ moans. Bradley much preferred this one. It made something in his stomach coil appreciatively at the sound and made him determined to get Colin to make it again. He pulled Colin to him until they were flush and he still didn’t feel close enough.
Bradley reached under Colin’s shirt and grazed one of his nipples. Colin gasped in surprise and Bradley took the opportunity to lick his way into Colin’s mouth. He noticed the way that Colin tasted this time: Of peppermint and caramel but also something indefinable. Something that was unique to Colin. Their tongue’s met gently, just a soft press together and it all felt so perfect that Bradley felt breathless and he had to pull away for a moment to compose himself.
Colin looked at him, his breathing ragged and his eyes black with desire. His lips were bruised and red and his hair slightly ruffled. Bradley caught his breath and the sight of him and then pushed him backwards firmly but slowly, giving Colin time to object. Colin was far from objecting , instead reaching down to pull off his shoes and socks. Bradley followed suit before catching Colin’s lips hungrily again. Bradley felt like he never wanted to stop this, whatever this was and made a sound of displeasure as Colin drew away. But Colin separated just long enough to pull off his shirt and then he was sucking and nipping at Bradley’s collarbone before licking the same spots tenderly. His hands were busy unbuttoning Bradley’s shirt and he somehow managed to get it off him without pulling away.
Bradley pushed Colin down slightly and then nuzzled into Colin’s neck, placing soft open mouthed kisses to his skin and breathing in his heady scent. It was intoxicating and it was a few moments before he realised that Colin was pulling at his jeans, pushing then down over his hips. He wriggled free, leaving himself in just his boxers. Colin hurried to divest himself of his own jeans and Bradley helped, wrenching them away. He paused to drink in the sight of Colin below him, pale and long limbed, splayed out on the bed.
‘Colin’ he whispered wonderingly and simply ran his hand over Colin’s smooth skin, before following the path with his mouth, finding all the places that made Colin squirm. He reached Colin’s boxers and put his hand on the waist band before glancing up at Colin who nodded almost imperceptibly. Bradley peeled them off with a sort of reverence and caught his breath again at Colin’s erect cock, begging for attention.
Bradley was abruptly tipped as Colin took the opportunity while Bradley was a bit off balance to flip him over so he was on his back. He smiled at Bradley’s squawk of surprise and wasted no time in evening out the odds by pulling off Bradley’s boxers. He too stopped to stare for a moment and Bradley might have felt uncomfortable if he didn’t have Colin’s obvious approval digging into his thigh.
Bradley reached up to kiss Colin again and as he did so he moved his hips upwards to allow their erections to grind deliciously against one another.
‘Bradley’ Colin groaned into his mouth and Bradley thought he could come from the sound of that alone. Their movements were erratic as they each tried to establish the rhythm but eventually they manage do flow together and Bradley gasped each time they came together. He never knew it could feel like this.
Colin moved his hand between them and messily jerked them both off. It didn’t take much for Bradley to come, his body shuddering violently and Colin’s name on his lips. Colin quickly followed suit and collapsed onto Bradley’s chest with a sigh.
Neither moved for a moment but then Colin rolled to the side so he was next to Bradley instead. Bradley was abruptly worried that Colin was going to leave but Colin simply scooped Bradley’s shirt off the floor and cleaned them up as best as he could, ignoring Bradley’s glare, and then snuggled into Bradley’s side. He looked up at Bradley through half lidded eyes, clearly already on the edge of sleep and traced a gentle hand over Bradley’s cheek before placing a quick soft kiss against his lips. Bradley had the sudden urge to say something horribly sappy or sentimental so he stopped himself by saying something stupid instead.
‘You know maybe this Merlin/Arthur sex scene wasn’t such an epically bad idea after all!’
End
Umm just a quick note about why I think Bradley might be an ex-slasher. Its something he said in an interview. He used the word ship as in 'People ship Arthur/Gwen and even Arthur/Merlin' or something along those lines so I was like OMG he knows the lingo so I figure he must have been a fanboy in his time lol. I can't find it now though gah *is annoyed*crow