Merlin Fanfiction: It's Not What It Looks Like

[merlinmonster]

 

‘Don’t you just love the summer?’ Katie sighed happily. She was lying on the grass in full costume, skirt raked up to her knees and sleeves rolled up, clearly ignoring all the dire warnings about grass stains on costumes resulting in a fate worse than death.

‘Usually’ Colin said wryly, having just been chivvied into the shade of a huge tree by some overzealous stylists for daring to put a toe into the sunshine. He was pretty sure that Johnny had specially paid someone to keep him out of the sun as he often saw the same girl hovering near him holding an umbrella and ready to pounce on him with the slightest provocation.

‘Best. Season. Ever.’ Angel stated plainly. She wasn’t actually working today so she was in her street clothes and had somehow got hold of a rather refreshing looking cocktail complete with jaunty umbrella and ice cubes. Colin eyed it, wondering whether he could steal some without her noticing but the ninja stylists would probably rugby tackle him back into the shade before he could reach her, rather ruining his stealth plan.

‘Oh my God guys the best thing that you can imagine ever has just happened!’ Bradley announced, hurrying up to them.

‘They’re making a Ghostbusters 3?’ Colin asked.

‘Well actually yes they are but that isn’t what I was going to tell you.’

‘Morgana finally gets some guy action?’ Katie said hopefully.

Bradley laughed. ‘No Katie.’

Katie cursed.

‘We’ve been taken up for a fourth season?’ Angel asked considerably more sensibly.

‘No. Look I’m just gonna tell you otherwise we’re gonna be here all day.’ Bradley said impatiently. ‘What happened is...’ he paused. ‘Ghostbusters 3 is really the best thing you can imagine ever?’ he frowned at Colin.

‘I’m just saying it would be cool’ Colin shrugged.

‘Bradley!’ Katie snapped. ‘Get on with it.’

‘Oh yes. Basically the power’s out everywhere. We won’t get it back until tomorrow some time so we have two whole days off!’ Bradley grinned widely. The others weren’t quite as enamoured by the news as he had thought they would be.

‘Are you joking. A night without air conditioning? We’re going to die. I hate summer!’ Katie looked vaguely hysterical.

‘You just said that...’ Colin started but was silenced with a glare. Colin mimed zipping his lips and Katie rolled her eyes.

‘You do realise the trailers are electronically locked right? How are you gonna get your clothes back?’ Angel asked.

‘We’ll just have to go back to the hotel in our costumes’ Bradley said reasonably.

Colin sucked the air in through his teeth. Rule one: Nothing must happen to the costumes. It wasn’t so bad for him but if Bradley damaged his chain mail or Katie her dress then there would be hell to pay. As if on cue Katie shrieked in horror.

‘Gah grass stains! What am I going to do?’

‘It’s fine.’ Bradley said reassuringly. ‘We have two days to wash it before costume sees it.’

‘With what Bradley? There’s no electricity.’ Colin pointed out with his favourite ‘Could You Be More Of An Idiot?’ expression.

‘Is the whole village out?’ Angel asked. Bradley nodded.

Angel thought for a moment. ‘We’re fucked.’

‘Now come on guys this could be fun!’ Colin said optimistically. ‘As much as I hate to say it... Bradley’s right. This is a good thing. A few days off is a Godsend. Let’s not waste it with petty bickering.’

‘Well... what shall we waste it doing?’ Angel asked.

‘Pub!’ Bradley shouted.

‘I don’t think you understand the concept of a village wide power cut.’ Katie said patiently. ‘The pub won’t be open.’

Bradley opened his mouth to snap back but Colin intervened. ‘Everyone pack an overnight bag and meet me at the train station in an hour.’ He said authoritatively. ‘Now break.’

*

‘Where are we going?’ Katie asked as they boarded the train.

‘Senlis. It’s a small town between here and Paris. I figured we could spend the rest of the day there, stay overnight at a hotel and then come back tomorrow.’

‘Woop. Road trip!’ Bradley cried happily. He paused. ‘Well train trip. Still it’s the four of us together. It’s gonna be awesome.’

*

They were halfway there when Angel said ‘Should we maybe have asked Rupert to come too?’

Awkward silence.

*

‘Wait can you hear that?’ Bradley said lifting his head and you could almost see his ears twitch.

The others all paused and listened obediently.

‘I don’t hear anything’ Katie voiced a moment later with nods of agreements from Angel and Colin.

‘Shhhh’ Bradley said and whipped his head round, tilting it slightly. ‘This way!’ he announced and set off in the direction he had just pointed at a pace close to a jog. The others all looked at each other, shrugged and then followed.

It wasn’t till they had got to the end of the street that Colin heard the faint strains of music. Music that sounded oddly familiar...

‘Ice cream truck?’ he said incredulously.

Bradley grinned and nodded. ‘Come on this way.’

They turned the corner and almost walked straight into the truck. They amassed on the poor ice cream salesman. He didn’t seem to speak any English and was having a lot of trouble understanding their butchered French. Finally after a lot of pointing, shouting and general limb flailing Bradley managed to get a huge whippy ice cream. The girls and Colin made it easier by just holding up three fingers and pointing at Bradley indicating they wanted more of the same.

They sat in comfortable silence for a little while on a bench trying to eat the ice creams that were melting almost as fast as they could lick them.

‘Trust you to have an innate ice cream truck sensor’ Colin said with a despairing look at Bradley.

‘Are you saying I’m fat?’ Bradley demanded but a small smile tugging at the edges of his mouth showed he wasn’t serious.

‘Well I didn’t like to say anything Bradley but um...’ Colin let his eyes rest on Bradley’s stomach with a mock serious look.

‘That’s a horrible thing to say!’ Bradley wailed putting a dramatic hand to his brow and almost stabbing himself with his ice cream. He looked at it for a moment and then smiled an evil smile. ‘You know Colin, maybe your right.’ Bradley said sweetly. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t eat this.’

Colin realised what he was going to do a split second before he did it. ‘Bradley n...’ was all he had time to say before Bradley had slathered a good amount of his ice cream down Colin’s face.

Katie and Angel exchanged a glance before making a run for it. They didn’t want to get included in this. Colin retaliated immediately by splatting his entire ice cream into the side of Bradley’s neck just below his ear. Bradley yowled in a rather satisfying manner.

‘That’s cold’ he moaned.

‘Really? Colin asked innocently.

‘Jerk!’ Bradley grinned and scooped the rest of the ice cream out of his cone.

‘Now Bradley’ Colin said, backing away. ‘Let’s talk about this.’

Bradley just laughed and ran towards Colin, hand out stretched. Colin dodged backwards as Bradley threw the glob of ice cream so it missed Colin’s face and landed in the middle of his t-shirt instead.

‘Dude!’ Colin cried. Bradley shrugged.

‘You started it with the fat comments’ he pointed out.

Colin looked down at himself where the ice cream was steadily dripping down his chest. Then he grinned. ‘Oh Bradley? Do you want a hug?’

He opened up his arms in invitation. Bradley ran.

*

By the time the girls rejoined them both Bradley and Colin had ice cream all over their t-shirts, their faces and in their hair.

‘Idiots’ Angel said but couldn’t disguise the fondness in her voice. ‘You’re going to be sticky all day now.’

‘That’s what she said!’ Bradley shouted. ‘Wait... that’s what he said?’

‘Shut up Bradley’ Colin said, not even glancing up. He was rifling through his bag. ‘Aha I knew I had a spare top in here.’

Colin started to struggle out of his t-shirt accompanied with Katie’s wolf whistle and Bradley singing the stripper theme.

‘I hate you guys’ Colin pouted as he finally managed to pull the fresh top over his head, blushing furiously.

‘Come on Colin. We’re just appreciating your hot body’ Katie grinned and then laughed. ‘Sorry I couldn’t say that with a straight face.’

Colin flipped her off.

*

They had had to buy Bradley a new t-shirt seeing as he hadn’t had the foresight to bring one. They had headed for the charity shops where they had indeed found Bradley a t-shirt. And...

‘A ukulele?’ Angel asked when Bradley and Colin emerged from the shop. Colin gave her a ‘don’t even try’ look. He had clearly already had this conversation inside.

‘It was only fifteen Euros’ Bradley said enthusiastically. ‘And Charles Dance taught me... a bit.’

Angel and Colin exchanged a look. It was going to be a long night.

*

‘Aw that’s so cute’ Katie said as she peered into Colin’s face. Colin recoiled instantly, waiting for the punch line. But a joke didn’t come, Katie just cooed some more.

‘Angel look at his freckles they’re so adorable.’ Katie said. Angel almost head butted him in an effort to get close enough to see the light dusting of freckles on his nose. Bradley actually did head butt him and then apologised for about ten minutes while they both staggered around clutching their skulls.

‘How come I’ve noticed them before?’ Katie asked when he and Bradley had stopped ‘twatting about’ as she put it.

‘I think I’ve fractured something’ Bradley moaned.

Colin and Katie both ignored him. ‘Er well they only really show in the sun. Instead of tanning much I get freckles. And usually I’m never allowed to see the light of day which is why they haven’t come out before.’

‘Aw I just wanna pinch your cheeks’ Angel said. Colin grimaced.

‘Please don’t’ he said and Angel laughed. Bradley finally managed to get close enough to see Colin’s freckle’s without injuring him.

‘Awwwww’ he said. Colin looked distinctly unimpressed.

‘It’s ok for the girls to turn into quivering heaps over my cuteness, because let’s face it I’m just that cute, but it’s not okay for you! Anyway they’re kinda embarrassing so everyone just needs to stop staring at me. I’m getting freaked out!’

‘Don’t be embarrassed Col. They’re adorable.’ Surprisingly these comforting words came from Bradley who usually took every effort to bully Colin about anything and everything. Colin was so surprised that his retort died in his throat and he merely stared at Bradley for a moment.

‘How did you get rid of Lara anyway?’ Katie asked causing Colin to tear his eyes from Bradley with an almost guilty start.

‘Who’s Lara?’ Angel asked.

‘You know that stylist that follows me around?’’ Colin said. ‘Well I managed to ditch her on the way to the train station by pretending I needed the loo and then nipping out a back window.’

‘Oh my God really?’ Bradley asked.

‘No you idiot. This isn’t an action movie. I just paid her off.’

*

‘We only have two double rooms left I’m afraid.’ The concierge of the hotel said.

‘We should have booked rooms in advance’ Bradley said.

‘Yes because we could have predicted a power cut that would lead us to seek another place to sleep tonight so we didn’t die of heat stroke.’ Katie said sarcastically and slapped Bradley around the head.

‘I say we take them.’ Angel said, getting back to the point at hand. ‘Me and Katie in one room, Colin and Bradley in the other.’

‘I’m not sharing with Bradley!’ Colin cried.

‘Neither am I’ Katie said quickly.

‘Er... I don’t want to either.’ Angel smiled apologetically at Bradley.

‘What why not?’ Bradley said looking slightly offended.

‘You flail a lot when you’re asleep.’ Colin said, speaking from experience. He had often fallen asleep in Bradley’s room to wake up with Bradley kicking him or smacking him with an errant arm.

‘And you snore’ Katie stated.

‘Do not!’ Bradley protested.

‘You kinda do Bradley’ Colin chipped in.

‘Yeah well your face snores.’ Bradley shot back.

‘What?’

‘You heard me!’

‘Guys!’ Angel very rarely raised her voice and Katie and Bradley stopped bickering immediately. ‘This isn’t getting us anywhere. Rock paper scissors ok?’

Colin and Katie nodded and put their hands in while Bradley watched on feeling distinctly disgruntled.

‘Okay one...two...three!’

They all looked down at their hands.

‘Balls!’ Colin said.

*

‘I asked the guy and he said there was a nice little restaurant down the street.’ Angel said.

‘Okay we don’t have to dress smart do we? Because this is the only top I have.’ Colin asked worriedly.

‘Let’s hope not’ Angel shrugged and left them to it.

‘Are you going to want to shower Bradley?’ Colin asked absently as he rifled through his rucksack. There was no answer. ‘Bradley?’ Colin turned around to see Bradley pouting at him from across the room.  ‘Bradley... don’t be mad. We were only kidding around with you.’

Bradley crossed his arms and looked away from him but Colin knew Bradley well and saw the slight twinkle in his eye that meant he wasn’t really mad and was just trying to guilt trip him. He crossed the room and stood right in front of Bradley.

‘Come on Bradley smile’ Colin said and gently pressed at the corners of Bradley’s mouth in an effort to make him smile. Bradley stepped back and turned way but Colin didn’t miss the flash of a grin across his face.

‘So you wanna play dirty do you?’ Colin asked and he leapt suddenly, taking Bradley completely by surprise and they both crashed to the floor. Colin started tickling Bradley mercilessly until Bradley was laughing and squirming.

‘Ok you win. You win. Stop!’ Bradley panted out breathlessly between laughs.

‘Do you forgive me?’ Colin asked, sat comfortably on top of Bradley who was flat on his back.

‘Yes yes I forgive you now get off me, you’re making me hot!’

‘Oh Bradley I didn’t know you felt that way’ Colin laughed as he rolled off Bradley so they were lying side by side.

‘Really? Because I think I made it kind of obvious’ Bradley said mock seductively.  Then his face took on a mischievous look. ‘Floor hug!’ he yelled and rolled over and grabbed Colin into a hug. Colin shuddered in horror and tried to back away before giving in and returning the hug with a laugh.

Which of course is when Katie walked in.

*

They were sat at the table and Katie was staring at them. ‘Are you sure there’s nothing you want to tell us. We won’t judge.’ Katie said suspiciously.

‘Katie we told you! It wasn’t what it looked like. We just lying on the floor and then Bradley tried to rape me.’ Colin said.

‘Dude not helping!’ Bradley spluttered. Colin laughed.

‘Kidding! Gees it was just a hug Katie. You and Angel hug all the time. It’s not a big deal’

Katie still looked unconvinced.  Luckily at that moment dessert arrived and Katie was distracted by the huge mound of strawberries that was placed in front of them.

‘That should satisfy your strawberry cravings for awhile Bradley.’ Angel said. ‘It’s huge’

‘That’s what she said!’ Bradley said and held up his hand for a high five. They all ignored him and dug in. It was a fondant type thing with strawberries, banana and pineapple to dip into chocolate, cream or yogurt.

‘Oh my God Col you have to try this’ Bradley said holding up a strawberry covered in cream. Colin had mainly been eating the banana as he wasn’t a massive fan of strawberries but he didn’t think twice about taking a bite out of the strawberry Bradley held out to him.

‘Mmmm. That is good’ Colin said and licked his lips. Then he noticed the look Katie and Angel were giving them.

‘You know’ Colin said to Bradley conversationally. ‘This is why people think we’re gay.’

*

‘Oh dear Colin I think you’ve caught the sun a little’ Katie said anxiously once they were back at the hotel and all sprawled over Bradley and Colin’s bed.

‘Julian’s gonna kill you!’ Bradley said gleefully. ‘Or at least horrible maim you’

‘I wish someone would horribly maim you’ Colin muttered under his breath.

‘What was that?’ Bradley asked suspiciously.

‘Nothing. Love you!’ Colin chirped quickly.

‘No that is why people think we’re gay’ Bradley said and Colin laughed.

‘I’m bored.’ Angel announced. ‘Let’s do something!’

‘We could drink?’ Bradley suggested.

‘You’re such a bloody alki Bradley. Whenever we get bored you always suggest we drink!’ Katie accused.

‘Well drinking is fun’ Bradley defended himself.

‘Yeah and I’m the one that ends up having to look after you while you puke’ Colin said.

‘Well what do you suggest then?’ Bradley snapped.

‘Hmmm you could play your ukulele for us. And I...’ Colin pulled out his video camera ‘...will film it for the Merlin fans.’  He hit record and put the ukulele in Bradley’s lap.

‘Ah er... I’m not sure’ Bradley said.

‘Come on Bradley.’ Angel said innocently. ‘The fans want to see you sing.’

‘Yes don’t let them down Bradley.’ Katie said.

‘Yes but I don’t really...’ Bradley started.

‘You’re not going to disappoint the fans are you Bradley?’ Colin asked, sounding scandalised.

‘You guys are totally peer pressuring me right now’ Bradley moaned. ‘It’s not fair.’

They laughed at him ‘Bradley. Bradley. Bradley’ they chanted in unison until Bradley gave up trying to talk over them and got the ukulele out of the case. It was fairly battered and a weird green colour but that’s what you got for fifteen Euros.

‘Hello Merlin fans’ Bradley said with a charming smile as if he hadn’t just been pouting like a toddler. ‘You are about to experience the amazing musical talents of me, Bradley James.’

Katie, Colin and Angel cheered as Bradley started to strum. It turned out that Bradley wasn’t that bad.  He only knew three songs but they looked up more on his iphone and they all sang until someone bashed on the wall, yelling in angry French.

‘Oh my God it’s like 1 in the morning’ Katie said guiltily. ‘We better go.’

Angel and Katie kissed the boys on the cheek and headed for the door.

‘Night’ Bradley and Colin chorused.

*

‘For God’s sake Bradley get over there’ Colin said as for the fifth time that night he had woken up with Bradley half on top of him.

‘Sorry’ Bradley said unashamedly. ‘I’m a snuggler’

‘It’s too hot for snuggling!’ Colin cried. He paused. ‘Wow that was really gay.’

‘Embrace the real you Colin’ Bradley said seriously.

Colin hit him with a pillow.

*

‘Morning! Did you sleep well?’ Angel chirruped. She had clearly had more sleep than they had. Colin flopped down into the chair and dragged a cup of coffee towards him.

‘No Bradley kept me up all night.’

‘That’s what she said!’ Bradley said triumphantly.

‘You know Colin it’s comments like that which make people question yours and Bradley’s relationship.’  Katie commented.

‘Meh’ was all Colin could muster in reply.

Angel took pity on him and buttered him some toast. ‘Was he kicking you all night?’ she asked as she put it in front of him.

‘No. Turns out Bradley is a snuggler’ Colin said giving her a grateful smile and then shooting a glare Bradley’s way.

‘Well what should we do today?’ Katie asked, changing the subject.

‘Pub!’ Bradley said.

‘Bradley it’s like 9 o’clock in the morning!’ Colin yelled.

‘Your face is nine o’clock in the morning.’ Bradley retorted.

‘That made no fucking sense.’

‘Your face makes no fucking sense. I am on fire!’

‘Why don’t we just see where our feet take us?’ Angel suggested after a pause in which Colin glared at Bradley and Bradley combated it with his ‘You can’t hate me because I’m adorable’ grin.

‘Sounds good’

*

They ended up at a carnival. They had followed Bradley’s supersonic ice cream detector ears and had literally stumbled across it.

‘Oh my God this is awesome!’ Katie said.

‘Totally’ Colin agreed.

‘Dodgems’ Bradley announced, grabbing Colin’s arm and tugging him towards them.

‘We’ll see you later’ Katie called and she and Angel walked off in the opposite direction. They knew as well as Colin how excitable Bradley got at this sort of thing and wisely left Colin to deal with it. Colin envied them.

*

‘Hello Merlin fan’s we are in a queue for the...’ Bradley paused and span the camera to point at Colin. ‘What are we queuing for Col?’

‘The sledgehammer?’ Colin said doubtfully. ‘Or something like that. Either way...’ he began to sing. ‘We’re gonna die.’

Bradley laughed and joined in ‘We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die. No don’t worry Merlin fans we will be back for season 4.’ He crossed his fingers within the shot. ‘I hope.’

*

‘I feel sick.’ Colin said, clutching his stomach as they stumbled off the Sledgehammer. It was literally hammer shaped and had swung up and down like a hammer hitting a nail.

‘Aw I know what will cheer you up.’ Bradley said excitedly. Colin followed his line of sight and saw he was staring at one of these penalty shoot out games in which you could win a prize.

‘Don’t waste your money Bradley. Those things are a fix.’

‘Oh yeah?’

*

An hour and a half later Bradley had finally won a prize.

‘I thought you were meant to be good at football?’ Colin commented as Bradley triumphantly punched the air.

‘Well that’s gratitude for you isn’t it?’ Bradley scowled as he thrust the massive teddy bear into Colin’s arms. ‘I wish I hadn’t won it for you now.’

‘You won it for me? Aw thanks Bradley’ Colin said feeling stupidly touched by the gesture. ‘Although you could have bought me twenty bears with the amount of money you spent playing the game.’ He added quickly to cover it up.

‘Alright give me the bear back you don’t deserve it.’ Bradley said reaching out.

‘Nope’ Colin side stepped him neatly. ‘He’s mine now. I’m going to call him Arthur.’

*

‘Ok this is ridiculous.’ Colin said. He, Bradley and Arthur the Bear were wedged into a seat on the Ferris Wheel. He and Bradley were also sharing a massive stick of candyfloss, literally eating from either side of it. ‘We couldn’t look more like a couple right now.’

‘We could make out’ Bradley suggested. ‘That would make us look more like a couple.’

‘It wasn’t a challenge Bradley!’ Colin cried.

‘Lovers tiff?’ Katie asked from where she was swinging above them with Angel.

‘Bradley wants to make out with me!’ Colin shouted without thinking.

‘Huh’ Katie said. She couldn’t think of an answer to that. ‘Maybe you should?’ she suggested.

‘Er no thanks.’ Colin said. He glanced at Bradley who was fiddling with the camera. ‘Bradley! Were you filming all that?’ Colin asked.

‘Er yeah. Problem?’

*

It was a crowded train on the way back to the Chateau especially with Arthur the Bear in tow. They ended up having to split up. Colin, Bradley and Arthur in one carriage and Katie and Angel in another.

Of course Bradley fell asleep straight away and once again prevented Colin from getting any sleep by burrowing into his shoulder and snuggling into his side. Colin didn’t have the heart to wake him up. He just shifted so that Bradley was settled more comfortably.

A woman sat opposite them gave them an odd look but Colin couldn’t find himself to care. In fact he pressed an absent-minded kiss to the top of Bradley’s head and grinned as the woman looked away, scandalized.

‘Not a couple eh?’ Katie asked from the doorway to the compartment. Colin stared at her for a moment.

‘Um. This isn’t what it looks like?’

End