I think so many people gloss these things over with, "kids are resilient," and "oh look she turned out all right," without realizing that when something like that happens to a child, it's more like an open wound that stops bleeding but never closes. My life was warped around my mother's schizophrenia from an early age. I barely knew her before, and in some ways I turned out "fine." But in others I pay a daily price in pain for the tragedy that tore my family apart before I was old enough to even understand.
And there is some level on which this makes us the writers we are today. I have not known very many writers of fiction who don't have something like this haunting their dreams.
I was just thinking about this. In my opinion the saddest and most enraging bit of the entire Anne of Green Gables series is this conversation between Anne and Captain Jim:
""You've been too happy all your life, Mistress Blythe," said Captain Jim thoughtfully. "I reckon that's why you and Leslie can't get real close together in your souls. The barrier between you is her experience of sorrow and trouble. She ain't responsible for it and you ain't; but it's there and neither of you can cross it."
"My childhood wasn't very happy before I came to Green Gables," said Anne, gazing soberly out of the window at the still, sad, dead beauty of the leafless tree-shadows on the moonlit snow.
"Mebbe not-but it was just the usual unhappiness of a child who hasn't anyone to look after it properly. There hasn't been any TRAGEDY in your life, Mistress Blythe."Usual unhappiness, my ass. That's the tragedy of the world, right there: children not being loved and looked after by the people whose business it is to do so. (And blessings on the ones who
( ... )
I'm sorry that i can't offer any words of comfort to add here that would seem truly meaningful. ... and maybe you don't need any, per se, but it would seem the compassionate thing to do if i could express anything but awe (and admiration of your strength) at this.
I can only thank you for writing -- because you've increased my perspective on several fronts -- and hope that, perhaps with the help of others more qualified than i, you can find peace in this over time. I would think that by these experiences you would have that help to offer them, as well.
My Dad (still living, I think) was also not there very much, even before my Mom divorced him. And the times he was there weren't all that much better. When I was 19 he tried to reconcile with my brother and me, after 6 years of no contact. After a year of a rough time, he called it off and just cut us off. I'm not sure I worse for wear, but sometimes I find myself missing those spots where other people have fond memories and I have holes
( ... )
Not sure what to say here, but wanted to let you know that I'd read the post.
Cancer is what my family dies of. But since it was either before I could remember (paternal grandparents) or when I was an adult (maternal grandparents, my first and second years of college, and other relatives, later) it's a very different effect.
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I don't even need to complete that sentence. Just "Why the hell?" Then you nod.
*sigh*
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And there is some level on which this makes us the writers we are today. I have not known very many writers of fiction who don't have something like this haunting their dreams.
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""You've been too happy all your life, Mistress Blythe," said Captain Jim thoughtfully. "I reckon that's why you and Leslie can't get real close together in your souls. The barrier between you is her experience of sorrow and trouble. She ain't responsible for it and you ain't; but it's there and neither of you can cross it."
"My childhood wasn't very happy before I came to Green Gables," said Anne, gazing soberly out of the window at the still, sad, dead beauty of the leafless tree-shadows on the moonlit snow.
"Mebbe not-but it was just the usual unhappiness of a child who hasn't anyone to look after it properly. There hasn't been any TRAGEDY in your life, Mistress Blythe."Usual unhappiness, my ass. That's the tragedy of the world, right there: children not being loved and looked after by the people whose business it is to do so. (And blessings on the ones who ( ... )
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I can only thank you for writing -- because you've increased my perspective on several fronts -- and hope that, perhaps with the help of others more qualified than i, you can find peace in this over time. I would think that by these experiences you would have that help to offer them, as well.
Please be well.
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Cancer is what my family dies of. But since it was either before I could remember (paternal grandparents) or when I was an adult (maternal grandparents, my first and second years of college, and other relatives, later) it's a very different effect.
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