Look Before You Leap - The Middle Hop - Part 1
Look Before You Leap
Chapter 2
The Middle Hop
Part 1
Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice In Wonderland
‘Bye Mum!’ Merlin called from the porch, then opened the front door, ready for school: bright-eyed and bushy tailed.
‘Have a good day,’ Hunith called back, cleaning the kitchen.
Freya then slowly slugged in, still in her pyjamas, reaching for her glass of milk with all the effort she could muster in this morning’s heat.
Hunith did a double take of her; paused her current actions and looked at her puzzled, ‘What time is it?’ she asked, now very curious indeed, with a vague notion she had forgotten something, something for Merlin to do.
‘Too early,’ Freya yawned.
On the news, faintly in the background, there was a woman saying that July 13th was meant to be “Nice Day” or something of that variation.
XxXxX
Merlin was the kind of boy who, when he was younger, used to have genuine conversations with woodlice, ladybirds and worms, looking at them wonderfully curious as they crawled along his hand.
Merlin was the kind of boy who, when he was younger, used to sincerely believe there were fairies at the bottom of the garden and, every Sunday, would leave them gifts so they would bless the house: things like thimbles or colourful pins. Along the years, a little shine had been built up.
Today, Merlin was that boy again.
He walked to school; no need to cycle, he’d have plenty of time.
And as he strolled down the lane, waltzing in the trees’ shades, he thought that life was good.
Of course today was hot, but it wasn’t coma-inducing hot. The wind was so pleasant, filled with colour if possible, and making the trees sing with their instrumental leaves. The ground hummed with the Earth’s song and everything was just simply brimming with life; the world crammed with such vivid colours and sounds that dazzled.
Merlin was indeed very happy this morning, and had a spring in his step.
Merlin was saying good morning to everyone that he passed; some looking at him with cruel astonishment, others repeated the sentiment, pleasantly surprised that Merlin of all people was so early and being so nice.
XxXxX
Arthur got into school as he always did, just in time to avoid a detention.
When he got in, Lance quickly deadpanned with his nose in his latest textbook, ‘Barely made it again, why don’t you give us some variety and be late for a change.’
Above the usual classroom hum, Arthur’s animated voice could still be heard as he bumped Lance in the shoulder with his elbow, ‘Why so early Lance? Forget to jerk yourself off this morning?’
Lance had a reply, sure he did, no way was he going to let Arthur get away with that one, but Merlin quickly jumped in with his own, not to defend Lance, but as a tease to Arthur, ‘Stop goofing off, Arthur, you should try waking up a little earlier like me,’
Both Lance and Arthur were shocked by his answer, but Arthur’s expression was priceless: distilled bewilderment, and Merlin couldn’t help the preventing of a hidden, one-sided smile.
‘Wh-What are you doing here already?’ Arthur’s throaty reply was left unanswered.
XxXxX
It was only ten minutes into the surprise test: Lance really getting into it and Arthur beating his foot to a rhythm in his head, when Merlin stretched, sighed contently and whispered out loudly, ‘I’m allllllll done.’
Several heads turned in various degrees of annoyance, Dr. Gaius’ one in particular was most unimpressed.
Arthur and Lance however, gave Merlin a most friendly glare, one bemused and one jealous of Merlin’s speed.
XxXxX
‘Will?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Do you want to work with Arthur?’
Arthur looked heartbroken, eyes wide and a little hurt, but Merlin didn’t notice: he was focusing on Will.
A little revenge was in order.
‘Sure, but why?’
‘Yeah, why Merlin?’ Arthur piped up, clearly indisposed.
Merlin smiled at Arthur, and gave him a squeeze on the shoulder, ‘You two need to start getting along.’
Later, Will dropped a king prawn into the oil-overloaded wok, not with chopsticks however, but with his bare hands because he was an idiot, jumped back in pain at his scalded hand, tried to find landing with a chopping board while he fell, but this chopping board was half-on, half-off the neighbouring table, so not only did Will strike the floor with a painful yelp, but a lettuce was flung into the pan, oil going everywhere, flames the resulting product.
The teacher cried for everyone to calm down, ‘Just shut off the gas, please, Merlin. Will! Use the fire extinguisher.’
But he must had pulled it wrong or something, because the chemical agent fogged everywhere, blasting in people’s eyes, the eyes of Kay and Valiant to be specific, ‘Will! You fucking dickhead! You’re gonna pay!’
‘I-I didn’t mean to do it, I’m sorry!’
Will looked very scared and very nervous, a crimson hue appearing on his face as everyone started yelling at him.
Merlin smiled slyly from the corner, and shut off the gas.
XxXxX
‘Merlin, can I talk to you?’ Morgana said, as she eyed up Merlin, ‘You might not like what I have to say, but if you won’t do anything about it then, well...’ She looked at him intently, seeming a little nervous, which was odd, ‘I know I might be wrong, but I think it’s getting serious now... I think Arthur really-’
‘Hold that thought,’ Merlin said smugly.
He then flipped back, ultimately bending backwards. He loved that he was bendy sometimes.
When Valiant then came flying towards him, he just hit the tree in the courtyard, causing people who were sitting there to cry out in utter indignation.
When Merlin flipped back up, he was pleasurably flabbergasted by the mini applause he received.
XxXxX
Merlin took a little peak at his test paper while Mithian wasn’t looking.
As he glanced at the top of the paper, his body flushed with pride to see he got 98%!
He praised himself for thinking to leap back to get some extra study time in.
‘So... you going with Arts or Sciences?’ Merlin hurriedly folded the paper and slipped in at the top of the pile.
Mithian then came up next to him, closed in on her broom.
‘I don’t know. But it doesn’t really matter does it?’
Mithian looked quietly appalled at Merlin’s lack of academic attention.
‘Hey, Merlin!’ Arthur shouted up, clearly looking to tease.
‘Coming!’ Merlin sung out as he jogged to the window, Mithian looked ghastly sad.
XxXxX
They were in this little room, and by little, Arthur thought “crammed” would be an understatement.
He and Merlin were sitting on a rundown leather sofa, with Lance on a beanbag doing his homework. The room’s colour scheme was between ochre, brown, cream and lime green.
Merlin started setting everything up, and passed the microphone to Arthur, smiling like a loon.
Arthur looked at it with scepticism, ‘Tell me again why we’re doing karaoke instead of baseball?’ His deep voice gravelling against the walls.
There was a table in the centre of the room, and Merlin grabbed the book on it, and plopped it into Arthur’s lap, the boy giving a groan at the abrupt exterior weight in certain sensitive areas. In amongst Arthur’s whines of his precious, gorgeous colossal cock being wrongly abused, his massive, juicy balls also taking part in his loud lamentations, covering said part of his body in sympathy to it, Merlin swiped the microphone, ‘We can play baseball after karaoke!’
‘But then we won’t have enough time!’ Arthur said, voice strained as he continued to writhe in pain on the sofa, really milking it now, Merlin thought: the book of songs wasn’t that heavy.
Lance looked back down to his homework.
XxXxX
Arthur was now getting really into his song, Merlin humming along, Lance breathing out chuckles now and again when Arthur tried to do something truly ridiculous with his voice to show off to Merlin and to distract Lance from being such a nerd.
Someone knocked on their rented door, ‘You’ve got five minutes left,’ a dragged out, clearly bored young girl said monotonously.
‘Right, we’ll pack up, thank you,’ Lance called out politely.
Merlin then looked to him crestfallen, ‘Already?’
XxXxX
‘Tell me again why we’re doing karaoke instead of baseball?’
Merlin then came rolling into the room, blasting open the door, and crashing into the opposite wall.
Arthur was a wee bit speechless, and Merlin started untangling himself from himself, ‘What the hell are you doing?’ He asked, eyebrow crooked up.
‘Nothing!’ Merlin gasped out innocently and started walking round the table to seat his arse next to Arthur, ‘Nothing? How does someone fall like that? And weren’t you just sitting here a second ago?’
‘DROP it!’ Merlin shouted into the microphone which he cunningly seized while Arthur was looking cutely dazed.
He paused in his actions...
Did he just seriously think Arthur as “cute”?
He was probably warm because it was such a lovely, sunny day.
‘Let’s get singing!’ He cried out, thanking the dimming lights that would hide his blush.
Later on, there was a knock on the door, ‘You’re got five minutes left,’ Lance was then going to say something, but Merlin yelled out in some form of polite way, ‘Thanks! We’ll be right out.’
XxXxX
Arthur’s face when he saw Merlin rolling into the room was priceless, mouth agape this time, Merlin noted.
‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
‘I fell.’
‘Fell? How could you fall like that? And weren’t you just next to me a second ago?’
‘I’m not done singing yet! I’ve got the music in me!’ Merlin sung out into the microphone, Lance laughing his head off at Arthur’s reaction to the sudden intensity in noise right next to his ear.
XxXxX
‘I’m home,’ Merlin winced, as he shut the front door, his satchel uncharacteristically heavy to his senses, and his voice box feeling like it would just fall out like a dead something it was so sore.
‘What’s wrong with your voice?’ Hunith commented sweetly concerned, as she was laying the table in the kitchen. Merlin sat down, pulled his bag off and dropped it next to his chosen seat, ‘We were singing.’
‘Who?’
‘Me and Arthur,’ Merlin felt his head drop from the buzz in his eyes, and rested it against the table.
‘Was Lance there?’ Hunith’s voice inflicted upwards.
Merlin closed his eyes, thinking if this is what a hangover was like, he was banning drink from his body for life, ‘Yeah, but he was homeworking.’
‘You must have been singing for hours,’ she said, turning back to her onions and preparing the sauce.
‘Certainly feels like it.’
XxXxX
They were playing baseball today, and it was another glorious day, but Merlin had something in mind to make it even sweeter.
Arthur was swinging the bat, beautifully, someone might add, but for every shoot, Merlin would come rolling out of nowhere, spring up and catch it: effectively, making Arthur out... every time. And no matter how hard or how soft Arthur hit the ball, Merlin always caught it with uncanny precision.
Around the fifteenth shot, Arthur was starting to get absolutely furious, ‘How come you’re only catching mine?!’ and he punctuated every other word with a slam of the bat to the ground, little tufts of dirt and dust whirling up from the action. Arthur continued to swing the bat like a sword, as if he could cut Merlin down, while Lance just calmly said with slight awe, ‘I’m amazed he can catch anything like that.’
‘It’s because I can predict what you’re going to do, you are quite predictable you know! I’ll beat you every time.’ Merlin shouted mockingly, preceded by Arthur lobbing the bat at him and following its line of action to try and tackle Merlin to the ground, which he did, after a little chase, and pinned Merlin to the ground, dried grass in both their hair.
Merlin was splattering bits of dirt, while Arthur smirked in the re-establishment of his obvious superior strength and power.
Both were panting from the extreme heat, still tumbling a bit, so Lancelot decided to go grab a drink from his bag.
XxXxX
‘MMmmmm look at these pastries, you’ve gone all out,’ Nimueh said, in her serene voice with perfect diction as she opened a neatly wrapped white parcel Merlin had given her. They were back in her office, in the same positions as they were after Merlin’s avoided accident.
‘Forget about it! It’s just my way of saying thanks for all the advice,’ Merlin beamed, then sipped some of his green tea, his features showing the world a person filled with delight.
‘I can go back and forth any time I like,’ Merlin started, while Nimueh started on a slice of lemon vanilla cheesecake, ‘I can have a lie in anytime I want, just leap around and there I am again, in bed, nice and cosy; if I forget something, I don’t have to panic anymore; there’s no limit on what I can have for dinner, all I need to do is leap to the evening I want, and if I miss something I wanted to watch on TV, no iPlayers or recordings for me, I can just hop to when it was on,’ all of this was sped through with building hilarity and merriment at the sheer concept.
By this point, Nimueh was licking her fingers, ‘I’m glad to hear you’re not using it for anything significant.’
Her voice was placid but the subtle sarcasm surprisingly stung.
She wasn’t looking at Merlin, which made it worse somehow.
‘Come on, this changes everything!’ Merlin protested, not about to have his moments of glory stolen by moral responsibility nonsense.
‘The freedoms of leaping back in time are amazing! So many things are possible for me now that my stomachs killing me by the end of the day,’
‘Do you ever wonder if someone’s suffering from your good fortune?’
Merlin’s spirits fell again, his good humour dying down like embers.
‘Huh?’ He uttered, a cross between not knowing what to say and wanting a bit more ground to fight on.
Nimueh only gazed at him, now using a spoon to tackle the cheesecake, mixing it with some chocolate sauce which smelled like hazelnuts.
The moments came by Merlin, his face falling somewhat with Nimueh’s implications and her apparent trust in them.
‘You think so?’ Merlin asked, his voice sounding a lot more worried than he thought he was.
‘Who knows?’ And she dove into a muffin.
Merlin was left there, feeling quite cold despite the summer’s sun, and feeling the drain of what he thought to be a magical high.
He felt quite angry.
‘Nobody’s suffering! And if they were, then I can leap back in time and make it all sunshine and rainbows again can’t I? As many times as I want or need to!’
Nimueh only continued to swallow around her gifts, ‘It may not be that easy.’
XxXxX
It was lunchtime, and Merlin was hanging out with Morgana in the open side of the canteen that was available for eating in the summer; it overlooked the grounds of the school, a mixture of cement, concrete, grass and trees encircling their view.
Merlin was still down from the talk with Nimueh, besides the fact Arthur had bloody football practise again and Lance was off doing something for his volunteer work.
His head was resting on his folded arms, not really looking at anything, just thinking, or being thoughtless, he wasn’t too sure.
Morgana was looking at him intently, a vague but precise anxiousness in her pupil.
‘Merlin,’ she opened, her voice a wee bit higher, gentler than usual, as she gazed at the boy opposite her, ‘do you think we could talk about what I wanted to talk to you about now?’ her features expressed the knowledge that she knew she was potentially on lands of broken glass right now, if the further discourse went the path she had in her mind.
Merlin face didn’t lift, only looking slightly to her left, facial features dipping at the sides in his misery.
She took his silence as a yes, because he hadn’t verbally said anything neither physically objected.
So she took a breath, decided to be strong and will this through, ‘How do you feel about Arthur?’
That certainly picked up his attention!
His eyes snapped to her image, Morgana all apprehensive like, but not worried, and it took Merlin a moment or two to completely comprehend that he just had heard what she said properly, and hadn’t imagined it.
Be still his beating heart!
‘What do you mean by that?’ he babbled firmly, lips tangled, cheekbones high and face generally incredulous.
She stuttered visibly in thought, smiling slightly at her mistake, and reorganising her tactics or how she presented them.
Merlin was very swiftly tense, and didn’t feel all too comfortable by the way his armpits abruptly flushed and the hairs on his neck unfixed themselves in warning. He managed to still look disbelieving though, which he was gratified for.
‘What do you think of him?’ was Morgana’s refined response.
Merlin, automatically filled with images of Arthur and times with him, was lost for a second, or for maybe a bit longer, he supposed, by the way Morgana moved her head and pointed her eyes, innocently, not menacingly, as if this whole thing was helping Merlin somehow.
He didn’t like that thought, but was too far gone to properly analyse why, because he was already drowning in Arthur. Blonde hair he felt on his skin, blue eyes all he could see, and a carelessly carefree desolation of being conquered in his senses in imagery of Arthur as water would his lungs.
Morgana looked on, her eyes studying, calculating.
Merlin felt compelled to answer the question, it was innocent enough, and he thought there was no danger, ‘He’s so happy, all the time,’
‘So happy,’ Morgana agreed, smiling as if to boost Merlin’s expansion on such words,
Merlin was now gazing between his mind’s eye and looking at Morgana, but wasn’t really aware of what this all meant for her, ‘I’ve never seen the guy frown, not once,’
‘I’ve seen him frown,’ Morgana spoke, as if that had a significant weight of some sort.
Merlin didn’t understand why she was being like this. Well, of course he had an idea, but he didn’t want to entertain it.
‘Well, I’ve seen him frown of course, like when he misses out on some day’s special dessert, or he forgets his books and the teachers go for him, or when I’m better at baseball than him, or when I’m picking him up on his manners, or when-’
‘Not like that Merlin,’ she swiftly cut in, Merlin paused, pouted at her unknowingly, ‘that’s so obviously in jest, Merlin, seriously. You know the way he pouts,’ Merlin stopped, ‘but he’s always smiling with you, isn’t he?’
Somehow, Merlin felt like that wasn’t a question.
‘Well, yeah I suppose but-’ and words just didn’t come.
Morgana catalogued this response, and asked another question, ‘What else?’
Merlin was now solidly uncomfortable, but he was tangled in this web, this morbid game of Morgana’s bitchy curiousity, and he’d have to battle out of it, or just grit his teeth and bear the consequences of his stupidity and how easily Arthur distracts him, ‘How do you think he looks, for example?’ She pushed when Merlin wasn’t giving.
‘He’s... good-looking I guess,’ Merlin started warily, his voice portraying that this was ridiculous, that his opinions didn’t mean anything, ‘He’s fit for his age and all yeah, but you’d have to be an idiot, blind and or dead from the waist down to not realise that one,’
‘So, you’re attracted to him?’ Morgana pressed, and Merlin had the sensation as if she was twisting his arm, ‘I didn’t say that!’ he shouted, then in normal, forced tone, ‘I’m allowed to appreciate him without,’ and Merlin blushed, and hated the reason why, so confused now and unaware of where he was, ‘ without thinking like that.’
She accepted this, or at least seemed to, and waited for Merlin to continue, but Merlin didn’t know what with.
‘He’s talented too; great at what he does, better than most,’ Avoiding this now would mean deep insinuations, more so than if he bent the truth a little.
Morgana wasn’t talking, and Merlin felt more awkward, ‘Why?’ and Morgana’s face renewed wonderment, ‘You interested in him or something?’
But Merlin’s efforts for joking or spinning the conversation were ignored, deflected with another question, ‘Do you think him good?’
Merlin was profoundly struck dumb by how any answer to that would prove anything.
‘I guess... why?’ and Merlin really hoped he didn’t seem nervous, or by some witchcraft, she could sense the butterfly prison break in his torso.
‘Can one not desire too much of a good thing?’
Merlin was silent.
She seemed to have all the answers she needed, ‘Why all the questions?’ and Merlin was afraid.
‘Just to... gather information for a little theory of mine.’
They were both quiet for a bit, Merlin caving in on himself, not entirely sure what really just happened there, and when he thought the conversation was over, Morgana stacked a knife through his heart,
‘Would you go out with him, Merlin?’
‘What?!’ and Merlin’s mind panicked in its disarray.
XxXxX
Merlin and Arthur were laying side by side, well, Merlin was leaning his head on Arthur’s left shoulder, thus, parts of their sides were inevitably overlapping, as they laid sprawled out on the courtyard’s tree, waiting for Lance to finish up when Morgana and Morgause pulled him over to talk to some girl called, “Gwen” for something.
It was the end of their day, so after Lance had done whatever business he was needed for, they’d head off to the court for baseball as usual.
Merlin, after Morgana’s question, which completely threw him off guard, more so by the way she looked pained in some way for him; he’d just quickly replied that what she was thinking was absurd, and if she had any common decency, to stop her scheming.
So here he and Arthur were, with the blonde letting his head fall back against the bark as Merlin scrolled through Avril Lavigne, Taylor Swift and Train on his MP3 Player, one headphone in the other’s respective ear for their positioning.
Arthur was surprisingly comfortable; Merlin supposed that was from all the muscle.
Merlin’s eyes started wandering, a bit bored, to be honest, or just tiredly lazy from the heat. His eyes then naturally found Arthur’s dozing face, head resting against the chestnut’s trunk, so his head was titled up slightly, but this made the light do funny thing’s to his face, eyes closed.
Merlin’s eyes didn’t want to move, finding Arthur’s features interesting and in need of study.
Of course, Merlin’s done this lots of times, spaced out between each session, taking breaks now and then, and then resuming his valued work of getting to know Arthur’s visual essay. Merlin thought at first sight, Arthur might (kinda does) resemble in structure, style and spirit, a Byronic lover from an Austen or Brontë novel and their respective poetry, or one of those legendary heroes from a Greek epic or something of the kind.
Merlin smiled softly.
Arthur was too English for that though.
So, yes, Arthur was a bit a sort of perfect, Merlin admitted.
But Merlin knew of flaws that Arthur possessed that no one else knew of: like how Arthur was always so bloody happy! All the time! So happy all the time!
He thought about what he said to Morgana, and it was true: he never saw Arthur frown much with him; while others said Arthur could be a right miserable git sometimes.
Merlin couldn’t understand that.
He always found an “Arthur” smile his way.
Another fault of his was how he was always so positive and a “good sport”. Like when he was in a football or tennis match and was losing, Arthur always still gave it his all, never giving in to bad thoughts and evil temptations of violent mentality. Sometimes he’d pull through and win, others he’d still lose, but he wasn’t sore or sour about it. Merlin, on the other hand, was always wildly disappointed for Arthur, and sharpened his verbal flying daggers should Arthur require his services.
Arthur also loved his food, but it didn’t make him fat, it just made him even more bulky, if possible, and Merlin was loathe to admit he was ever so slightly jealous.
And Arthur was good-looking he supposed.
He noticed now, on a particular breath Arthur took, that he hadn’t shaved. The hairs on his chin, around his mouth, up the sides of his face like sideburns and a bit down his neck, seemed like fields of mini sharp gemstone spikes, the type that you could see if the light was right.
Arthur had a strong nose, certain, Merlin thought.
And although Arthur’s eyes were closed, Merlin knew them well, knew their shapes and colours; he likened them to the ocean, and the sky: a running river of watery blues, reflecting such bright emotion.
His lips were definitely Shakespeare’s “blushing pilgrims”, accompanied by crooked teeth.
Probably from smiling so damn much...
And it was now that Merlin felt yet another pooling and gathering of liquid warmth within him.
He was very fond of Arthur, indeed, he liked him very much, and if someone else were to mark Arthur in parcels as he did, he was sure most would come under his charm and be forced to fall in love with Arthur.
But Merlin was no such person.
He knew Arthur too well.
But still, he wondered how much of the day he spent just calling after this boy.
But still, that didn’t stop the intensifying glow in him as Arthur leaned a bit closer, shuffling probably to get more comfortable, but Merlin realised the movement, and allowed, just for one moment, to give in a little bit, and just enjoy being with Arthur, enjoy the blaze.
Merlin wasn’t in love with Arthur, they were best friends, and were soulmates, maybe, but Merlin refused to say that he was in love.
It was bloody ludicrous!
Merlin realised then he was still smiling, and then Arthur opened his left eye to peep at Merlin, probably sensing a pressing force around his face. The blonde smiled back, then said in that throaty, deep voice of his, ‘What’s the look for?’
‘Nothing,’ Merlin quickly slowly said.
Arthur breathed out a chuckle, closed his eye and went back to dozing, adjusting so Merlin was more overlapped on him, ‘You are a funny bean, Merlin.’
They stayed like that for a time, until, it appears, Arthur got too hot, or realised something of the like, because he signalled for Merlin to get up when Merlin’s elbow brushed his lower abdomen, which he did, putting away Arthur’s MP3 while the other stood up, collecting their things and said, ‘Let’s go on without him, he’ll know where we are.’
Arthur seemed flushed somehow, loosely tight, but he smiled warmly at Merlin, and slung his arm around the other’s neck as they walked around and out the school to the court.
He never let go, and Merlin didn’t make him.
XxXxX
‘Jeez lose the girly throw! Use your shoulder this time,’ Arthur called out to Merlin as he was, apparently, getting a soft backhanded lesson in throwing properly.
Merlin could kill that bastard.
He chucked the ball this time, and it worked better.
Damn Arthur for being right! And damn his smiles and his smug airs and his-
By this point Lance come round the corner and opened the green gate, mostly brown with rust and dirt around the edges, the metal’s movements creaking and crying; Lance himself didn’t look too good either: his head was downcast and his hands were in his pockets.
He then just looked up, paused, ‘I made it.’
Merlin wondered what on Earth the matter could be.
‘Took you long enough!’ Arthur shouted.
‘Sorry,’ he seemed distracted, as he picked up the bat to swing.
He needed cheering up.
Plus, Merlin was curious, anything involving Morgana and Morgause was bound to be two parts hilarious if not one part destructive.
‘Soooooo?’ He started.
‘What? That girl you mean?’ Lance spoke; his voice was normal, maybe a bit higher, but his face certainly was unfocused, ‘She’s just a Year 11,’ why that was relevant Merlin didn’t know, but he was more concerned with the way Arthur also seemed troubled for Lance, which meant that this was serious.
Throughout all of that, Lance was just beating the bat against the ground, maybe for prep, Merlin thought, but he seemed to be getting rid of some tension as well: the action was too forceful, showing it to be a passion of earnest.
Merlin threw the ball regardless: maybe getting into a familiar routine would loosen Lancelot up.
He hit it, aiming high, while saying on the collide, ‘She asked me to go out with her.’
‘Way to go!’
‘Are you serious!?’ Arthur found his voice then, as if he was genuinely confused that was the reason for Lance’s earlier little mood, while running for the ball. It was comical to Merlin, honestly, watching him like a little action figure in the distance. He turned back to Lance, ‘So, what did you say?’ He hoped he was giving friendly support.
‘Turned her down.’
‘What?!’
‘Take it easy, Merlin!’
‘That took guts to ask you out, and weren’t you ogling her just the other day?’
‘Yeah, Lance, just go for it you know? What do you have to lose exactly? If it doesn’t work just be friends or something,’ Arthur identified while running back and throwing to Merlin.
‘Will you two just SHUT UP?!’ and on Merlin’s next throw to Lance, the ball hit the side of the court, the mesh, diamond wiring rattling on the contact.
XxXxX
Walking home from the court, a bit further down a couple of lanes and a few turns here and there, you come to a junction of footpaths that run round the back of people’s houses. The sun was low, so it made everything take on shades of orange in respective intensity.
This is where Merlin, Arthur and Lance were, but Lance had to take a different path to the others, so this is where they usually said goodbye.
Arthur was on his bike, while Merlin and Lance were on foot. Merlin too would usually be on his bike, but, since he had gained a new ability as of late, a bike was kind of unnecessary for him now.
‘Don’t come crying to me when you regret losing that girl.’ Arthur woefully said.
‘Can we just drop it now?’ Lance spoke a little tensely.
He started to walk off, silent.
‘See ya!’ Merlin waved.
‘Later,’ and Lancelot then threw a backhanded wave over his shoulder.
They watched him go, his sluggish movements out of character.
Arthur then looked at Merlin, a little puzzled for a moment, the sentiment on his face, ‘Hey, where’s your bike?’
Merlin’s attention was now all Arthur’s, Lance and his misfortune far away, ‘Something happened to it.’
‘Well get on, I’ll double ya,’ Arthur exclaimed, leaning his bike so Merlin could hop on behind him.
Merlin’s face light up at that point, ‘You’ll take me home?’ and he was already climbing aboard, swinging his legs in the needed fashion and rearranging his satchel and Arthur’s duffel bag for ease and comfort, ‘Sweet!’
XxXxX
They were riding along that path at the top of the slope near Avalon River, passing the odd dog walker, Merlin looking sideways to the sunset: the peaches, the yellows, the crimsons and their effect on the silver water, when Merlin voiced his thoughts, ‘Do you honestly believe Lance wasn’t interested?’
‘Probably, the guy usually means what he says,’
Merlin hummed, and there was silence for a bit longer, the only sound the gentle rattle and clicks of the bike.
‘I’m kind of glad actually,’
Arthur turned his head a bit then, jumped a little bit, ‘Why’s that?’ and the “why” staggered a bit.
Merlin didn’t notice, or wasn’t concentrating really, only thinking about the images in his head, ‘If he gets a girlfriend then he’ll treat her special.’
‘Yeah, that be him alright,’ Arthur was now half gazing at Merlin, half looking out in front.
‘Then we couldn’t hang out anymore,’ Merlin smiled and looked at Arthur, who looked back at the road, ‘Yeah I guess, and no more playing catch, what a nightmare for your daily schedule.’
‘I don’t know,’ Merlin sighed, leaning back to look at the fading pale blue sky and the pale pink clouds, his hair waving in the wind, ‘I just always assumed us three would always be together, you know? Lancelot would tell us off for being late, and you’d ride me for not being able to catch the ball, but I guess we’ll grow up soon. Or have already, but it hasn’t been fully realised.’
Then descended a sorrowful air in Merlin, and he didn’t really know what to do with himself. He didn’t know what to think, and didn’t know how to know. He didn’t know how to know the unknown.
A natural silence fell also, but there seemed to be a bubbling energy in Arthur now, the way his shoulders tensed just a fraction. He kept glancing back with his eyes slightly now and again, and on the fifth time is when he started talking, quietly, a bit nervously, as if he was out of breathe almost, ‘Merlin?’
‘Hmm?’
‘What do you say...’ There was now a beading of sweat on his temple, Arthur then scratched the back of his head with his left hand, then putting it back down, blasted slowly and quietly out, ‘You wanna go out?’
Merlin froze.
His body snapped into a still position, sweat breaking out in several pores very suddenly, and his heart was conflicted if it should stop or rasp rapidly.
His eyes shot out wide, and then he slowly pulled himself back up, staring at Arthur’s back, the rattle and clicks of the bike an eerie music.
Merlin was rarely speechless and thoughtless at the same time.
‘Stop,’ Merlin didn’t know why he said it, but he bit it out anyway, ‘Stop for a second,’ he needed to think, he supposed.
Arthur pulled the brakes, the tyres obeying him in the halting.
‘What was that?’ Merlin stuttered out, and felt his entire body vibrating with a cold, icy energy.
‘Err...’
‘Why would you say that?’ Merlin’s voice rumbled out, a bit wet too.
Arthur wanted to go out with him?
Did that mean that Arthur... liked him? Like that?
Did that mean that Arthur... loved him?
That burst through his brain.
Why would Arthur want to go out with him? What the hell was Arthur doing? Did he sincerely enjoy ruining Merlin’s life? What the fuck was he thinking?
Merlin and Arthur had a good thing going on, why would he spoil everything by making them an item, making them serious, making them a couple?
Merlin started shaking, a stinging salty moistness breaking on his eyes’ surface.
So many things raced through his mind in those short moments.
Merlin imagined a life with Arthur like that: holding hands, kissing, spending more time together, sharing intimate moments with each other, saying tender things, more eating out together, more sleepovers (they were guys right? His mum wouldn’t get suspicious), more holding hands, more kissing, going to every one of his matches and kissing him at the end, buying each other special gifts, anniversaries, bonding, sharing their souls, sharing life together, smiling softly, knowing each other more than they did now, more hugging, cuddling on the sofa, watching movies together, eating ice-cream together, dates, coffee, bedroom activity...
He didn’t even know Arthur’s parents! He didn’t know if Arthur had any parents at all! What if they were horribly conservative and disowned Arthur or something? Would Merlin have to let him stay with them? Would Hunith be okay with that?
Had Arthur even told anyone that he was gay? He certainly hadn’t told Merlin! And being his best friend, this implied that Arthur hadn’t!
So, assuming Arthur did have living parents, did they know? If they did, did they hate Arthur for it a little bit, being so conservative? Would they mind Arthur bringing Merlin home some nights? Would they judge Merlin as turning their son into a shit-hole fucking monster? Would they make Merlin’s life hell? Would they try to split them up?
Or if they were really liberal and knew about Arthur’s dark desires: would they accept Merlin? Or would they think he was unworthy, undeserving of Arthur’s affections?
What would his own mother say?!
Would Hunith be alright with this? Would she cry over the fact she wouldn’t get any grandchildren from Merlin?
Okay, let’s say that parents are alright with it: what would people at school say?
What would Lance say? Would Lance be awkward with it: hanging out with a gay couple who were previously apparently two straight blokes?
What would Morgana do? Had she suspected something? Is that why she wanted to talk about it with him? Had Arthur told her? Or had she worked it out herself? If she could do it, then how many others knew?
Would Merlin be the object of abuse from the school’s bullies again? He’d got out of the teasing when he moved to secondary school; would they pick on him now, if they found out? Would they pick on Arthur?
Merlin was then flooded with images of a beaten up Arthur: scars and blood all over his face.
Merlin was unconscious to the fact his cheeks were a bit wet now.
Would they have to hide their relationship? If people didn’t like them, would he and Arthur have to pretend they weren’t together? Would it be public? Did Arthur want them to be affectionate publicly? Or did Arthur want a sort of secret affair with Merlin?
Was Merlin going to be Arthur’s dirty little secret? His bit on the side? Or if Merlin said yes, would Arthur want them to be out and proud and throwing up rainbows?
What if life split them up and Merlin couldn’t cope? What if Arthur couldn’t cope?
Would Merlin have to get used to glares? Would Merlin have to get used to vultures and thieves at their backs, and protect Arthur from them?
What if they couldn’t cope with that?
More thoughts came rushing in.
Okay, fine, let’s say they were happy for a time, and the world didn’t mind their being together, but what if Arthur got bored of Merlin?
What if Arthur wanted this to be a sort of experiment between them?
What if Merlin wanted them to be together when Arthur wanted to break it up?
Would he lose Arthur’s friendship too?
Merlin imagined a life without Arthur, and found it lifeless.
Did this answer the fact why he couldn’t breathe whenever he thought about Arthur?
Why he couldn’t speak when he talked about Arthur?
All these thoughts and the similar came in full force against Merlin, and he was overwhelmed by their speed, their power, their sheer might and will, their persistence for answers, and Merlin, in those brief moments, was not only stunned by the velocity of such floods, but was submerged and drowned in the waters.
What the fuck was Arthur thinking?
‘Well, I...’ Arthur’s husky voice caressed Merlin’s ears, and he shuddered at the way the floods pooled into his warm glow, the one he feels when with Arthur, that affectionate tenderness in liquid form: they made that pool poison.
Merlin’s mind screamed at the horror of the floods drowning the butterflies, the innocent creatures inside him gasping for air, fluttering in frenzy, and he was helpless and hopeless to stop the murder.
‘Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?!’ Merlin didn’t give a thought to whether his voice sounded weak and damp.
‘You were wondering what it would be like if Lance got a girlfriend,’ and Merlin sank.
‘I mean...’ and Arthur seemed so nervous, so unlike Arthur should be, and Merlin was a little petrified that he had this affect on his friend, ‘I mean... I’m not ugly, am I?’ Merlin was completely shell-shocked that Arthur genuinely had that insecurity.
‘And well,’ Arthur’s voice was husky still, and he seemed to be struggling between piercing the footpath and holding Merlin’s stare, knowing he should be doing the latter, so he could communicate emotion through his pupil as well as his tone, ‘Well, I’ve been feeling like this for a long time now, Merlin, and,’ Merlin’s heart clenched from ghostly freezing fingers, ‘and I thought that we could try this, you know?’ Arthur was now looking right into Merlin’s soul.
‘Are you serious?’
‘Dead.’
Merlin couldn’t say anything, because he didn’t know what to say.
And when he was silent for about a minute more, Arthur lost his nerve and started peddling again.
‘Hey, hang on!’ Merlin cried, not wanting Arthur to feel like a fool, he didn’t want that at all, ‘Wait a minute will ya!’
Arthur stopped again, and seemed so very tense, apprehensive, fearful.
‘What is it this time? Can we just go?’ Arthur didn’t sound cross or anything, but extremely wounded, maybe a little embarrassed.
Was Arthur angry with him now? Had Merlin ruined everything now? Had Merlin fucked up everything? What if Arthur never spoke to him again?
Arthur turned around, but Merlin wasn’t there.
Then he realised that Merlin never actually answered his question...
XxXxX
Merlin hit the lamp-post, and if he wasn’t already worried about his skull’s injuries and mental health, he definitely was now.
But he wasn’t given the chance to worry in fact, because the ding of him hitting the lamp sparked Arthur and Lance into a jump.
They looked down; both nonplussed about how the hell Merlin got there.
Merlin looked up at them, then at Arthur, Arthur, his best friend, who just said that he wanted to go out with him.
What the hell was Merlin supposed to do?
First things first, he was to stop letting his eyes feast on the way Arthur’s red t-shirt had a very low neck, revealing very tempting flesh as well as built collarbone areas.
Snap out of it Merlin!
‘What the fuck you doing down there?’ Arthur asked eventually.
Merlin shot right up, their heads following.
‘Nothing at all,’ and Merlin backed it up by looking nice and sweet.
They let it slip, knowing Merlin was a magnet to the Earth and that gravity was especially intense on him; Merlin was grateful, but he looked at Arthur again, a bit more meaningfully then he anticipated.
But Arthur wasn’t looking at him, ‘Don’t come crying to me when you change your mind about dating that girl.’
‘Can we please just drop it now?’
‘See ya.’
‘Later.’
It was just Merlin and Arthur again, like it had been, and Merlin was much more nervous than he would be in Arthur’s presence, and couldn’t catch the reason why: whether it was because of what just hadn’t happened, or because Merlin’s butterflies were resurrected, this time more powerful with extra flight energy.
‘Hey, where’s your bike? Get on I’ll double ya,’ Arthur said so very gentleman-like, obviously teasing the role, and leaned like he had before, offering Merlin a seat, about to take him on a ride that could change their relationship forever.
Is that why Arthur wanted to take Merlin home?
Was it because he was just genuinely being a nice friend, or did he have a plan?
Or was the proposal on the spot and a spontaneous sort of thing?
Maybe he’d meant to say something, but just couldn’t find the right mood?
Honestly, Merlin thought bitterly, he hoped leaping back would give him more time, but he still felt that outer-body consuming sensation with being so unprepared.
But how could Merlin resist those silent, pleading eyes?
XxXxX
‘I bet if Lance got a girlfriend then he’d always pick her over us,’ Arthur said, riding the bike along the path atop the slope that overlooked Avalon River, as if to rile Merlin somehow.
‘We can’t be sure about that,’ Merlin hastened to comfort, wondering if their roles somehow reversing then meant Arthur wouldn’t push him off a cliff with time: telling him to let go with his eyes closed.
‘Damn it! Without Lance we’d only get to toss the ball around!’ Merlin didn’t really know if Arthur was sincerely angry, but he got the notion this was building up to something.
He didn’t want that something to happen: not here, not again: he wasn’t ready!
‘Why don’t we give the guy some credit and start angsting if and when Lance does decide to hook up with someone, he’s still single now remember?’
‘You’re right, it’s not like we can do much if it happens,’ Arthur submitted, and Merlin felt chills in his lower back by the way Arthur actually admitted Merlin was right for once.
He’s never done that!
Shit! Is Arthur trying to sweeten him up?!
‘Anyway,’ No! Damn that innocent, hopeful tone! ‘How about we go out?’
Seriously Arthur?! A second time!
XxXxX
‘That’s what he says now, but I bet if he got a girlfriend, he’d always pick her over us,’
Okay, so yeah, Merlin took the offer of the bike ride again, but he wasn’t going to blame himself for this, because sharing Arthur’s bike was really nice, Arthur’s body was a warm, solid, soft support; all Merlin had to do was distract him from saying anything.
‘Hey, did I ever tell you what an idiot my little sister is?’ he quivered in his delivery.
Arthur turned his head slightly, ‘Err, I was talking about Lance if you didn’t notice? You know? And the fact that if he goes it will just be us two left?’ Damn it! Arthur was one charming persistent idiot!
Arthur wasn’t charming!
‘Forget about that, we’ll be fine, let’s talk about my sister,’ If only Merlin could get Arthur to think about Merlin’s family issues, then maybe he’d stop thinking about Lance getting a girlfriend, leaving them, meaning that on some weird and wonderful basis which kind of made emotional sense, they should tie the knot.
‘So, anyway, if Lance finds a girlfriend-’
‘Let me tell you about my sister!’ Merlin yelled.
‘Do you want to go out with me!?’ Arthur yelled back, halting the bike suddenly, his voice echoing, carrying his desperate diction into the distance.
XxXxX
‘Don’t come crying to me when you change your mind about dating that girl,’
‘Can we please just drop it now?’
‘Hey! Merlin!’
Damn it, Merlin thought, trudging his legs along the opposite path (all the paths at the junction could lead to Merlin’s house, but the one that took the route with Avalon River was the quickest). Arthur obviously did realise that Merlin was already walking in the opposite direction, and, because Arthur was really sweet despite his trying to act like an utter prat most of the time, he’d only want to ask Merlin out when they were alone and for the moment to be as special as possible.
Merlin wasn’t about to cry, he wasn’t, he just didn’t know what to do when a deep friend, someone who he cared about immensely, was killing him softly without knowing it.
‘I’ll take you home Merlin! And if you’re not studying or whatever we could-’
‘No thanks,’ Merlin loudly whispered out, leaving their confused faces behind.
‘Hey! What’s the matter?!’ and Arthur sounded so beautifully concerned and worried, but joyful as well in hopes that maybe his happy demeanour would spark similar sentiments in Merlin’s person.
But Merlin didn’t reply.
He then distantly heard a struggle and ripping clothes after the metal clapping of a falling bike, ‘It’s all your fault!’
‘I didn’t do anything!’
‘You were a moping shit head!’
Arthur was shouting at Lance.
Did Lance know about how Arthur felt?
Is it possible that everyone else saw it before Merlin?
Well, that’s just great, thanks Arthur, for ruining a perfectly good bike ride home by getting too attached when it could all go to shit, for ruining a perfectly good bike ride home where they could have shared intimate laughs and smiles instead of... whatever this was.
Did this make Merlin a coward?
He hoped not, as his weathered world turned gloomy.
XxXxX
They were in a different room now, because Merlin caught Nimueh at a time where she actually had to work.
In this much bigger room, there were several tables, all slashed with paper and paints: acrylic, oil, watercolours, the whole works. Brushes of different shapes and sizes here and there: some in pots, some on the tables loosely wrapped in cling film. Rulers scattered into the place where they would hopefully be needed most, accompanied by their good friend and rival, the tape measure. Again, books were everywhere as well, some filled with colour scheme ideas, and others were again reference books and some on the history of the world and its various cultures arts and crafts.
It was a bombshell of creativity basically.
Nimueh was on the far table, measuring up a new piece, looking keenly calmly at it. Behind her was the sink, a large rectangular monster for the big awkward things.
Merlin was on the nearest table opposite her, sitting on a patch he had cleared for comfortable seating.
He pined in thought.
‘I thought you liked Arthur,’ she was giving her worldly advice, ‘and didn’t you feel obligated to stay with him to keep him in line?’
Yeah, Merlin did, but everything changed now.
‘I might have said something like that before,’ Merlin mumbled out, thinking.
‘What’s the point of pretending like he never asked then? You always talk about him,’ she smiled up at him then, ‘he’s like your default topic of choice,’ Merlin would usually be irate by that implication, but he couldn’t ignore the weight of it now.
She hummed laughed at Merlin’s silence, ‘Why don’t you go out with him then?’
How the hell was his aunt so... tranquil, about everything? It took him guts to tell her about what happened, because he had to talk to someone, and she was the only one who would understand the leaping.
He’d just got over the whole, “It’s okay to be gay” speech she initially started with, and he was tempted just to leap to avoid that again.
But he was thrown by this question. DIDN’T HE JUST TELL HER WHY IT WAS A BAD IDEA?!
Oh... that’s right, he kept that part out, the part that involved his own feelings.
‘I can’t.’
‘How come?’
Merlin was flustered, ‘Because what if something happens?’
‘If something does happen, then you can always go back to being friends, you’re mature enough to handle that, right?’
‘No, not happening!’
‘Sometimes these things start off one-sided then the person grows on you,’
‘It’s not one-sided!’ Merlin shouted; his throat filled with the strain to produce such volume.
Shit!
Silence.
She looked at him knowingly, but said nothing, ‘I see,’ well, almost nothing, then more, ‘So, you’re just going to act like nothing happened?’
Merlin’s eyes were full, his lips pouting and trembling.
‘I feel sorry for Arthur, after he worked up the courage,’
‘What?’ and now Merlin suddenly felt every awful, and a bit disgusted with himself.
‘Well, then again, I suppose he doesn’t even know that he did, so there’s no problem.’
She went back to her measuring.
Merlin just picked up his bag and stormed out.
Damn her subtle manipulation!
And it was horrible, because it wasn’t even like Merlin could say sorry now.
Chapter 2 - The Middle Hop - Part 2