What the Fuck
DATE: June 2, 1978
I'm so, so, so fucking pissed right now. That's not even the word. I could strangle a giant with my bare hands now, I'm so pissed, I can barely keep my magic in control - I want to go into the Potions classroom and just break every single last fucking vial in there, pop every last newt eye and burn every last fucking piece of boomslang skin and set the fucking tables on fire. I want to burn the fucking stone.
I - what the hell. I need to write it all down just to get it sorted in my head. I don't even know what's right anymore.
My idiot brother and that back-stabbing druggie - Barty I fucking trusted him for so many years! And he goes and uses me for some stupid revenge and doesn't even tell me to my face, and James was right. He's always out for himself, and if he'd betray my trust on something so fucking stupid, what the hell is he even capable of doing -
Those two useless gits were fucking each other.
I don't know. I don't even care about that part even, except that I hope my sperm and egg donors got to chew their hair and dear, dear mum can go wailing about again about how her son's a fucking useless twit, I hope Regulus embarrassed her to insanity. Never did I think I'd ever root for that arrogant, stupid brat.
They had a bad break-up. Whatever. I can handle that. Almost too easily. I mean, okay, they were two blokes, and that's not all that usual - but - MERLIN I'll never stop wondering if Barty fucked around with me just to use me or because I look like -
- whatever, I'm not even going to think about that. It's such a girl's line of thought. Not going to lie, it was fun. It was new. It was interesting. I'm not doing it again.
Barty planted a note for Regulus to find, detailing where to go, and basically led Regulus to us. All because he wanted Regulus to feel - what, jealous? Pissed? Angry?
WELL THEN REGULUS DECIDES THAT I'M THE BAD FACTOR HERE AND TRIES TO KICK MY BUCKET DOWN.
I'm pissed off at Regulus for being such a high-and-mighty idiot. "I'm the heir of Black, who're you?" I'm your fucking brother, you stupid shit. I basically gave you that fucking title all package-wrapped because I was too good for it, and now what, you stupid little pup, you're lapping it up and thinking you're king of the fucking hill? You're so fucking useless, you're their second - not even, you're their last choice, you stupid, idiot boy and don't you ever forget that.
Thinks he's so high. I need to teach that brat a fucking lesson - hell, not even. He does not get away with fucking disrespecting me like that. He can be a twat all he wants, but lines cross when he actually thinks he's good enough to a) try and off me and b) actually attempt to pull it off.
God I hate my family, and Regulus's given me such a perfect fucking way to really stick it to them, once and for all. Fucking take 'em down, for their own good, yeah, but hell, I'll never forget that it'd be for mine too. Think they can burn me off some piece of weaving and forget I ever existed? Thought wrong. Sirius Black'll be a name you curse until your last day. Mum, Pop, wouldn't you wish you listened to me when I said, "hey, maybe halfbloods aren't so bad after all? And look, Muggle-borns can be better at magic than the product of 6 generations of pure breeding. You'd think that'd say something."
Stupid ignorant hateful bigoted idiots. The world would be better rid of the lot of them and all their discriminatory lot. Hell, I'd be doing the world a favor by taking them down. I'd want to see them at their lowest. It'd be my last big finale.
MERLIN, and I was such an idiot to give that up - all of that, the good it'd do, the good it'd do to me even - because of Barty when the brat was lying through his teeth.
But hell, going to Azkaban, if his pop actually did that -
There's no way. He must've been lying. Barty's a fuck-up, but not enough to go to Azkaban.
He - he said he didn't mean for it. Such a selfish prick, probably didn't think that far in the - oh what the hell'm I saying, he saw that far in advance. He plans more than I do.
Anyone who lies to my face doesn't deserve a second chance. Not about something like this, not after this long. Anyone who's exposed to be a liar, even, get the fuck away from me. No - that's not right. I knew Barty was good at snaking around - how else would he be on speaking terms with both Black brothers? - but I still trusted him, and it'd never bitten me in the arse before.
James hates the bloke. I don't know what to do about Barty yet. It's definitely going to fucking change, though. He'll learn not to fuck with me like that again - whether in the way I'm thinking now, I don't know.
He could've been lying about Azkaban for all I know.
Morgana's tits, the worst part was....the worst part was when he thought I'd keep my mouth shut, because I'd be afraid of what James'd say. That he calculated that, even. Does he think I'm James's lapdog, that I'll do anything Prongs asks?
...Fuck it. I do it because I want to.
I don't even know what James'll say. It'll blow his fucking mind right out through his eyes. But I've got to tell him - I tell him everything, and if Barty tries to hold that over me...
...I'm not gonna let that happen.
I'm so, so, so fucking pissed right now. That's not even the word. I could strangle a giant with my bare hands now, I'm so pissed, I can barely keep my magic in control - I want to go into the Potions classroom and just break every single last fucking vial in there, pop every last newt eye and burn every last fucking piece of boomslang skin and set the fucking tables on fire. I want to burn the fucking stone.
I - what the hell. I need to write it all down just to get it sorted in my head. I don't even know what's right anymore.
My idiot brother and that back-stabbing druggie - Barty I fucking trusted him for so many years! And he goes and uses me for some stupid revenge and doesn't even tell me to my face, and James was right. He's always out for himself, and if he'd betray my trust on something so fucking stupid, what the hell is he even capable of doing -
Those two useless gits were fucking each other.
I don't know. I don't even care about that part even, except that I hope my sperm and egg donors got to chew their hair and dear, dear mum can go wailing about again about how her son's a fucking useless twit, I hope Regulus embarrassed her to insanity. Never did I think I'd ever root for that arrogant, stupid brat.
They had a bad break-up. Whatever. I can handle that. Almost too easily. I mean, okay, they were two blokes, and that's not all that usual - but - MERLIN I'll never stop wondering if Barty fucked around with me just to use me or because I look like -
- whatever, I'm not even going to think about that. It's such a girl's line of thought. Not going to lie, it was fun. It was new. It was interesting. I'm not doing it again.
Barty planted a note for Regulus to find, detailing where to go, and basically led Regulus to us. All because he wanted Regulus to feel - what, jealous? Pissed? Angry?
WELL THEN REGULUS DECIDES THAT I'M THE BAD FACTOR HERE AND TRIES TO KICK MY BUCKET DOWN.
I'm pissed off at Regulus for being such a high-and-mighty idiot. "I'm the heir of Black, who're you?" I'm your fucking brother, you stupid shit. I basically gave you that fucking title all package-wrapped because I was too good for it, and now what, you stupid little pup, you're lapping it up and thinking you're king of the fucking hill? You're so fucking useless, you're their second - not even, you're their last choice, you stupid, idiot boy and don't you ever forget that.
Thinks he's so high. I need to teach that brat a fucking lesson - hell, not even. He does not get away with fucking disrespecting me like that. He can be a twat all he wants, but lines cross when he actually thinks he's good enough to a) try and off me and b) actually attempt to pull it off.
God I hate my family, and Regulus's given me such a perfect fucking way to really stick it to them, once and for all. Fucking take 'em down, for their own good, yeah, but hell, I'll never forget that it'd be for mine too. Think they can burn me off some piece of weaving and forget I ever existed? Thought wrong. Sirius Black'll be a name you curse until your last day. Mum, Pop, wouldn't you wish you listened to me when I said, "hey, maybe halfbloods aren't so bad after all? And look, Muggle-borns can be better at magic than the product of 6 generations of pure breeding. You'd think that'd say something."
Stupid ignorant hateful bigoted idiots. The world would be better rid of the lot of them and all their discriminatory lot. Hell, I'd be doing the world a favor by taking them down. I'd want to see them at their lowest. It'd be my last big finale.
MERLIN, and I was such an idiot to give that up - all of that, the good it'd do, the good it'd do to me even - because of Barty when the brat was lying through his teeth.
But hell, going to Azkaban, if his pop actually did that -
There's no way. He must've been lying. Barty's a fuck-up, but not enough to go to Azkaban.
He - he said he didn't mean for it. Such a selfish prick, probably didn't think that far in the - oh what the hell'm I saying, he saw that far in advance. He plans more than I do.
Anyone who lies to my face doesn't deserve a second chance. Not about something like this, not after this long. Anyone who's exposed to be a liar, even, get the fuck away from me. No - that's not right. I knew Barty was good at snaking around - how else would he be on speaking terms with both Black brothers? - but I still trusted him, and it'd never bitten me in the arse before.
James hates the bloke. I don't know what to do about Barty yet. It's definitely going to fucking change, though. He'll learn not to fuck with me like that again - whether in the way I'm thinking now, I don't know.
He could've been lying about Azkaban for all I know.
Morgana's tits, the worst part was....the worst part was when he thought I'd keep my mouth shut, because I'd be afraid of what James'd say. That he calculated that, even. Does he think I'm James's lapdog, that I'll do anything Prongs asks?
...Fuck it. I do it because I want to.
I don't even know what James'll say. It'll blow his fucking mind right out through his eyes. But I've got to tell him - I tell him everything, and if Barty tries to hold that over me...
...I'm not gonna let that happen.