fanfic100 -- Steven Gerrard -- #85 She
Title: Once Is Enough for Me
Character(s): Steven Gerrard
fanfic100 prompt: #85 -- She
Word Count: 383
Rating: PG
Notes: A bit of background. And a lot of angst.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real. I know nothing about what or who anyone is or isn't doing.
It's like when your parents split up but worse. That was hard, but it was kept pretty quiet and by then you were old enough to know that it wasn't your fault. This is different. It's everywhere, absolutely fucking everywhere, and now when rooms go quiet when you arrive, the silence has a different tone. Everyone seems to be watching you, watching her, and you set your jaw and pretend like nothing's wrong. Or pretend like the problem is right midfield, not bar fights (for fuck's sake) and drugs and whatever goes on when you're not around.
Carra calls you. Which isn't unusual, really, but you don't normally talk about, like, real stuff. Just training and what you would do if you were manager and what is with the foreign players' hair. He didn't tell you before he asked Nicola to marry him, and you haven't mentioned your current situation. And he doesn't really, either, just sort of mumbles around it, saying he's heard some things and he's around if you want to talk, not that he's saying he believes them, and really, he likes Alex. Just. He's heard some things.
And you know everyone else has, too, because Liverpool's a big town, but it's not that big. You've lived here your whole life and everyone knows someone who knows someone. And it's everywhere you go, even training, and somehow everything feels like your fault. You can't get a shot off to save your life, you can't get an away win, and you can't give your fiancée what she needs. No matter what you try, it's never good enough, and you don't know when things went wrong. You don't know how to make it better, any of it. All you want to do is stop being yourself for a while. Go back to before the world cared who you were dating. And who she was dating.
But you don't really remember that time, and now you've got more than yourself to worry about. Your girls, your family, your team -- they're all counting on you. You can't run away, can't hide anymore. You just have to keep going, move on as much as you can. You have to believe things will get better. Because you can't stand to think they can get any worse.
Character(s): Steven Gerrard
fanfic100 prompt: #85 -- She
Word Count: 383
Rating: PG
Notes: A bit of background. And a lot of angst.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not real. I know nothing about what or who anyone is or isn't doing.
It's like when your parents split up but worse. That was hard, but it was kept pretty quiet and by then you were old enough to know that it wasn't your fault. This is different. It's everywhere, absolutely fucking everywhere, and now when rooms go quiet when you arrive, the silence has a different tone. Everyone seems to be watching you, watching her, and you set your jaw and pretend like nothing's wrong. Or pretend like the problem is right midfield, not bar fights (for fuck's sake) and drugs and whatever goes on when you're not around.
Carra calls you. Which isn't unusual, really, but you don't normally talk about, like, real stuff. Just training and what you would do if you were manager and what is with the foreign players' hair. He didn't tell you before he asked Nicola to marry him, and you haven't mentioned your current situation. And he doesn't really, either, just sort of mumbles around it, saying he's heard some things and he's around if you want to talk, not that he's saying he believes them, and really, he likes Alex. Just. He's heard some things.
And you know everyone else has, too, because Liverpool's a big town, but it's not that big. You've lived here your whole life and everyone knows someone who knows someone. And it's everywhere you go, even training, and somehow everything feels like your fault. You can't get a shot off to save your life, you can't get an away win, and you can't give your fiancée what she needs. No matter what you try, it's never good enough, and you don't know when things went wrong. You don't know how to make it better, any of it. All you want to do is stop being yourself for a while. Go back to before the world cared who you were dating. And who she was dating.
But you don't really remember that time, and now you've got more than yourself to worry about. Your girls, your family, your team -- they're all counting on you. You can't run away, can't hide anymore. You just have to keep going, move on as much as you can. You have to believe things will get better. Because you can't stand to think they can get any worse.