wtf ( Read more... )

I may require folk to pee on my grave soon.

every turn of the key is a vote for oilgarchy.

morning's chirpy crispiness woke my nipples up first, and then my bladder. it was a very rude awakening, and my lungs won't quit their wheezing. here's to complaining off the bat. this one's going no where, it's a foul, it's caught, and i'm out.

if i was ever to commence in creating a cascade of corpses like caligula, i'd start with the college masses. their lazy sweatpant rumps, their agnostic attitude toward anything but beer, sex, and partying, the fashion-show reality tv trash talking ho/s, they leave me barely able to believe that "adults" spring from them. adults! ha, the ( Read more... )

i'm really not sure why this computer thinks the date is 2/6/2040, but that's strange ( Read more... )

grandma: mmmm, i smell blueberry pie.
pause.
grandchild: i smell.....cigarette pie.

me: D: ... rofl!

my mom's a chainsmoker.

(hours later)

me: mom you're chainsmoking!
mom: i didn't get to sit and have enough cigarettes earlier!

me: D: ... rofl!

the stealing of bikes is a gross infection ( Read more... )

yesterday, whilst sipping soup slowly, a strange sensation of crawling ascended my calf, and i brushed like mad to remove the offending party. lo and behold it was a wooly (sic?) bear caterpillar. bright green plant material, brownish yellow pee, and "strands" of the "fur" were left on my leg, and the little chap curled up into a ring on the ( Read more... )

"The most important thing we've learned
So far as children are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let ( Read more... )