Breakneck (14/18)
Title: Breakneck
Author: methylethyl
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Justin watches the last vestiges of support crumble beneath his feet, sending him into freefall. He can only close his eyes and pray he’ll land somewhere soft.
Disclaimer: QAF & Co. does not belong to me.
Breakneck
Chapter 14: Impending
"So what the fuck is this plan of yours that you won't shut up about?" Brian asked, over breakfast at the diner.
I'd convinced him to come with me and pay for my food, with only a quick blowjob in the shower. Pancakes had never been so sweetly earned.
I frowned. "Well, I'm not sure how necessary it is now, but the initial plan was for me to score a full ride to a college in Pittsburgh and then defer enrollment for a year, make as much money as I could, and then work and go to school at the same time while living on my own."
Brian's eyebrows rose. "Well, it's nothing if not ambitious."
"That's why I needed to do well on my SATs," I explained. "I need to get a scholarship. Too bad art schools don't give scholarships…"
"Art school?" Brian asked.
"I… That's what I really want," I admitted, and I felt guilty just saying the words. "It's what I've always wanted. To be an artist. But there's no way I'd get a full ride based on aptitude-I'm not that good."
"And the money your dad makes fucks you out of financial aid, right?"
"Right."
"Wrong," Brian said.
I blinked.
Brian grinned. "What, your ritzy private-school college counselor didn't tell you about this?"
"Tell me about what?" I demanded.
"You-" Brian pointed a finger at me, poking me in the chest. "-are considered independent of your family's income, by FAFSA, because you've got a kid."
I stared. "You're shitting me. Nuh-uh."
Brian nodded. "Oh, yeah."
"So… so it's just based on my income?" I asked. "Just mine? Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure," Brian said. "I don't know why they would have changed it since I was in college."
I frowned. "Uh… Why…"
Brian smirked. "For one wild week in college, Lindsay and I almost got married. It's one of the other ways to make yourself exempt from your family's income."
"You almost got married?" I said incredulously.
"My athletic scholarship got blown to hell when I busted my knee sophomore year," Brian said with a shrug. "Lindsay wasn't even getting financial aid-her parents paid for college straight up-but mine weren't going to cough up so much as a cent."
"What happened?"
Brian shrugged. "I had a few academic scholarships come through, and I got an internship with Ryder."
"I…" Excitement built up inside of me, and my grin was back full force. "Shit, Brian, with the pittance of money I'm going to be making at the diner, they'll have to give me a full ride! They'll-"
Realization hit me.
The four hundred thousand dollars I would be inheriting on Luke's behalf shot me well up and out of the poverty bracket. With four hundred thousand dollars in my name, financial aid would laugh in my face if I so much as stepped inside their office.
Brian was eying me curiously.
"I… yeah," I tried weakly, but it was pale imitation of my earlier joy. "That's a really awesome idea. Thanks for telling me."
Brian's eyes narrowed. "What?"
"Nothing," I said quickly.
I didn't know how I was supposed to tell him about the inheritance situation. He'd freaked out about the hospital thing for nearly a month, and he'd stayed away for almost a week after Cal had died. I didn't need to give him more reason to think I was some pathetic little twink who was bogged-down with drama and issues.
"You really are a shitty liar," Brian told me.
It wasn't true. I wasn't usually this bad at lying-I'd just been so excited, and then so disappointed, and it had been such a one-eighty that I hadn't had time to recover.
"I-"
The door to the diner opened, and like an angel sent down from heaven, Daphne strolled inside, Luke's carrier hanging off of one arm and his diaper bag over her shoulder. She was bundled up like the Michelin Man, and she'd taken the liberty of pulling a blanket over Luke's carrier to keep him warmer.
I grinned brightly and waved her over.
Our fight from last week had been all but forgotten-one of the best things about Daphne was that she could never hold grudges for more than twenty-four hours. Ever.
"Good morning!" Daphne said cheerily, practically skipping over to our table despite the heavy snow boots she was wearing.
"You exchanged my son for a blanket?" I demanded, gesturing toward the blanket-covered lump in the carrier. "What, did you think I wouldn't notice?"
Daphne giggled. "I thought it would at least work until you tried to feed it."
She set the carrier on the table and I peeled back the blanket to reveal a very-thickly bundled Luke.
"Hi, Brian," Daphne said, as I made quick work of Luke's winter clothes. He could overheat quickly, especially in an already-overheated place like the diner.
"Morning, Daphne," Brian drawled, sitting back in the booth. His eyes became slits as his gaze turned to me.
I knew he wasn't done with me. I might have gotten out of it for now, but this was a conversation that we would be revisiting.
"Did you already eat without me?" Daphne asked, sitting down next to me.
I shrugged, lifting Luke up out of his carrier and onto my lap, letting him stand. "I was hungry."
"Dada," Luke announced, planting a hand over my mouth. "Dada buh."
I grinned and opened my mouth, sticking out my tongue and licking Luke's hand, which he drew back with a delighted squeal.
Daphne rolled her eyes. "He's not edible, Justin."
"Says who?" I asked, as I turned him around so that he was facing Brian. "Say 'Hi, Brian. Thank you for screwing my daddy's brains out last night'."
Luke gurgled a bit, finding my syrup-covered plate more interesting.
I quickly pulled his hands back with a firm, "No."
"I'm overwhelmed by your child's vocabulary," Brian said dryly. "Also, I have to go."
"Go?" Daphne repeated. "What, already?"
"Because I really enjoy eating breakfast with two teenagers and a baby," Brian said, rolling his eyes and standing up.
"But we're such a shining example of diversity right now!" I pointed out. "We're dual-gendered, multi-racial, tri-generational…"
"A generation is twenty years, brat," Brian retorted.
I grinned. "Whatever, old man."
Brian grinned back, tongue in his cheek.
I turned Luke so that he was facing Brian again. "Say 'Bye, Brian. Bye!'"
I waved my hand, and Luke copied the motion.
Brian rolled his eyes and turned, walking away.
"Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh," Luke babbled, waving. "Bye!"
I blinked.
Daphne's head whipped around. "Did he just-"
"He did!" I was grinning so hard it hurt. "Luke, did Brian go bye-bye?"
"Bye!" Luke repeated, looking pleased.
*
Once the excitement of Luke's second word had worn off, Daphne's omelet had arrived, and I'd gone through all the juicy details of last night, I finally moved on to a less pleasant topic.
"I need to pick someone to be guardian of Luke's account until I turn eighteen," I said. "And I can't think of anyone."
Daphne chewed thoughtfully for a moment, and then swallowed. "Well, definitely not your parents, right?"
I nodded.
"What about Debbie? Or Vic?"
I shook my head. "No."
"Why not?" Daphne asked.
I shrugged. "I just… I can't ask them to do that."
"Do what? Sign some forms and sit on your inheritance for a few months?"
"It's not that-I just-"
Truthfully, there wasn't a good, logical reason why I shouldn't ask Debbie.
"I just don't want to," I said finally, shaking my head. "I don't feel comfortable."
Daphne thought again. "Wasn't one of Brian's lesbian friends a lawyer?"
"Yeah, Melanie," I said, nodding. "But I hardly know her, and she's not really that fond of me. She judges me for having Luke."
"But she's a lawyer," Daphne pointed out. "She's bound to have some modicum of professionalism."
"Yeah, but…"
"But what?"
I shook my head. "I don't know. I don't feel like I can trust her."
"Brian?" she suggested.
I stared. "You're kidding, right? Like he'd ever actually do it."
"Your… grandparents? Aunts? Uncles?"
"What, so they can steal the little faggot's money?" I asked.
"Well, is there anyone over the age of eighteen that you trust?" Daphne demanded.
I thought about it for a moment, and then two.
"I… Not really," I said slowly. "I guess I trust Brian. But he wouldn't agree to sign the papers, anyway. Our relationship consists solely of drinking, dancing and fucking."
"So, there's no one?"
I shook my head. "I guess not."
Daphne looked at me dubiously. "Well, that poses a problem, doesn't it?"
It certainly did.
I'd have to take a leap and trust somebody. I didn't have a choice.
*
The following evening, Monday night, I sucked up my courage and called Pam. She'd already left for the night, and so I left her a voice message.
"Hey Pam, it's Justin Taylor. Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. Um, I wanted to let you know that I have someone in mind to stand as guardian over Luke's money until I turn eighteen. My finals for school are over on Thursday morning and then I'm off for Christmas break, so maybe we could meet? You can reach me at (412) 555-3349. Thanks."
Upstairs, I alternated between reading the outline of As I Lay Dying that I'd made for Daphne weeks ago and playing pat-a-cake with Luke. Debbie was in her bedroom wrapping presents (a significant percentage of which I suspected were for Luke, given the Babies 'R' Us ads that I'd seen laying around the kitchen table for the last three weeks). My finals were almost halfway over, and once I was finished with them, I had three weeks off for Christmas and New Years. I could spend more time with Luke, work lots of shifts at the diner, see Brian more, draw…
A holler from Vic downstairs made me pause mid-clap with Luke.
"Justin! Phone for you!"
I sighed and reluctantly pushed myself to my feet.
"Buh?" Luke asked, from the floor, which was his abbreviated way of saying 'bye'.
"Nope," I replied, leaning down to pick him up. "You're coming with me, buddy-boy."
We trekked downstairs, Luke clapping and rolling his fists together in a one-man version of pat-a-cake.
"It's Mel," Vic said as he handed me the phone. He gestured to Luke. "You want me to take him?"
I shook my head. "Nah, it's fine."
Vic nodded and wandered back over to where the TV was playing.
"Hello?" I said, bringing the phone up to my ear.
"Justin!" Melanie said, sounding pleased. "Hey, baby. I heard you're busy studying for finals, so I'll keep this short, all right?"
"Okay," I said. I wondered what on earth she could need, while pointedly not thinking about Cal's mess of a will. There was no way she would know about that.
I let Luke down on the floor, and he immediately took off for the kitchen table.
"I was wondering if you could watch Gus for Lindsay and I on Friday, during the afternoon. Lindsay's going job-hunting, and I can only watch Gus for a few hours in the morning."
"Sure," I said instantly. A scrolling marquee of income cash money for Luke was running through my head over and over. "I'd love to. What time would you need me there by?"
It occurred to me, after I'd spoken, that it was odd Lindsay was job-hunting. I remember her talking incessantly about how nice it was to be able to be a stay-at-home mom during Debbie's dinner a few weeks ago, while I'd smoldered a few seats away.
"Around eleven-I've got a meeting I can't miss at eleven-thirty. Lindsay should be back around dinner time, but she might be home earlier. Is that all right?"
"That's great."
Melanie let out a breath. "Oh, thank you, so much. We really appreciate it, Justin. And of course, you can bring Luke over."
"You're welcome," I said diplomatically.
"Okay," Melanie said. "Well, I should let you get back to your studying, I guess."
"Wait," I blurted out, before I could think about it and chicken out. "I have a question."
"Ask away."
"I…" I tried rapidly to think of a neutral way to phrase my question. "You hate Brian, right?"
Melanie snorted. "Oh, yeah. And trust me, sweetie, the feeling is completely mutual. Why?"
"I just-I was wondering why you let him father your child, then?" I asked, the words coming out in a rush.
Melanie paused.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to," I added quickly, suddenly realizing how personal the question was.
"No, no, it's fine," Melanie assured me. "To be honest, I didn't have much of a choice. It was either Brian or no one, for Lindsay. I decided that I could live with that sacrifice-though I'm beginning to think that was a mistake. Why do you ask?"
I sighed. "I just don't understand him, sometimes."
"It's simple," Melanie said with another snort. "He's an asshole. He's not worth your time, Justin. You and your son can do a lot better."
That wasn't true at all. But I released my reflexive irritation in a silent breath, and thanked her for answering my question before I said goodbye.
But if Brian was truly the monster that Melanie thought he was-would she really have agreed to let him father her child? Would she have let her own desire for a baby override the future wellbeing of said baby? That couldn't be true. Somewhere inside of her, Melanie knew that Brian was a good man.
And Brian was a good man. He was the only person I even remotely trusted, and I was taking a leap of faith on him. He had to be a good man.
*
The following day I got home from school to find Vic on his way out to buy groceries. I'd no sooner gotten Luke upstairs and my study materials sprawled across my bed than the sound of the phone ringing reached my ears. I groaned in frustration.
I made it downstairs in time to hear the answering machine pick up.
"Hey, Ma!"
Oh.
I stopped at the bottom step, Luke on my hip, and suddenly felt absolutely no motivation to pick up the phone.
I let the answering machine play, turning around.
"Call me back when you get the chance-you wouldn't believe the shit that Brian's gotten himself into this time. He's finally getting what he deserves, the asshole. Oh, and I wanted to let you know that the Big Q's having a sale on pasta, if you need any for that PFLAG spaghetti dinner. Love you, Ma!"
I was frozen on the steps.
Brian was in trouble?
The answering machine clicked off, and I slowly walked over to the phone. I debated for a moment, and then set Luke on the ground and dialed Brian's cell phone number.
Had he gotten hurt? What if he was positive? What if something had happened to his family, to Gus?
"Kinney," Brian growled, after three rings.
"It's Justin," I said. My heart was pounding slightly too fast. "I-is everything okay? Michael just left a really weird message on the answering machine, and I-"
Brian made a little humorless humming noise. "He was gloating, wasn't he?"
So something was wrong.
"What happened?" I asked. "Is everyone okay? Are you okay?"
A humorless laugh, this time. "I'm being sued. For sexual harassment."
I almost dropped the phone. "You? But… why? Why would you need to?"
"I didn't," Brian snapped. "Christ! I fucked some junior ad-exec and I wouldn't promote him afterwards. And now he's suing me. End of story."
"Well-well, he's lying," I said stupidly.
"You were hoping for… what, on your SATs, again? 900?"
"Fuck you," I snapped, but then I caught myself.
Brian was probably really freaking out. I shouldn't lose my temper.
"Is it serious?" I asked, my voice much more calm.
"It's a sexual harassment lawsuit. Of course it's serious. Do you know what this could do to my reputation? My client list?"
"I…" I struggled for something to say. "Was it that guy you had over Saturday night? For business?"
"Yep," Brian said, popping the P. "Good ole Kip."
I frowned, wanting to do something to make it better for him. God. What must it feel like to be sued for something you didn't do? More importantly, what must it feel like to be sued by someone with a dog's name?
"Does Lindsay know?" I asked, hoping that I could get Brian to go and see her and Gus instead of going out and drinking himself into oblivion like he was probably planning to do tonight. Mikey was clearly not going to be there for him, but Lindsay… She could help.
But Brian let out a bitter laugh. "Oh, yeah. She's already told me how I should have known that something like this would happen to me, one day."
No Lindsay. No Mikey.
"I'm coming over," I declared.
"You are going to stay home and study for your final exams."
"I'll bring my homework-you can help me study."
"Only if you need help studying anatomy."
I rolled me eyes. "I'm coming over, at least for a few hours. You can still go out to Woody's later, if you want."
"Whatever," Brian said. "You'd better come ready to get fucked."
And he hung up.
Babbling suddenly registered in my ears, and I looked down to see Luke coasting around the coffee table.
Right. Vic was at the grocery store.
I guess Brian wouldn't be getting quite the quality time with me that he'd wanted.
*
"Fuck," Brian said, upon seeing Luke. Or rather, the bundled, blanketed twitching thing in the baby carrier.
I don't know why I was surprised to see that he was naked.
"I told you to come ready to fuck, not to bring the fucking kid," Brian snapped, hand on the door like he was about to slam it shut on me. Which, actually, he might.
"Give it four hours, when he's asleep for the night," I said quickly. "Three, if we wear him out."
"If you think I'm letting you stay for four hours…" Brian grouched, but he stepped back to let me inside. "I thought Vic was your personal, live-in babysitter? And Jesus Christ, what the fuck is in your backpack, a microwave?"
"Textbooks," I answered.
"Excuse me? I said 'if you insist on coming over, plan on me fucking the shit out of you'. Tell me, where in that series of words did you manage to end up with 'I'll babysit your kid while you do your homework'?" Brian demanded, following me over to the couch, where I set down Luke's carrier, then the diaper bag, and then finally, my enormous backpack.
"I can watch Luke and study at the same time," I told him firmly.
"But you can't wear him out while you study," Brian said.
"Well, then, you'll have to do it," I replied pleasantly. I pulled the blanket off of Luke and then undid the buckles, which he'd been pushing at.
"No fucking way," Brian said flatly. "Go back home. I'm not babysitting."
I glanced at him. "Go put some clothes on."
"I mean it, Justin."
Yeah, right.
I spared him an unimpressed look before I started peeling off Luke's winter clothing.
I could practically hear Brian's teeth grinding. He wanted to throw a tantrum, probably scream at me and maybe even kick a few things around, but he wouldn't with the baby around. He did have some modicum of decency in him.
Luke was deposited on the floor, and he sat there, staring around the new place with interest.
I smirked when Brian finally stomped off to put clothes on.
I was so onto him.
*
Brian sulked for about fifteen minutes, but he was eventually unable to hold back a snarky comment.
"Doesn't take much to amuse him, does it?" Brian asked, eying Luke with distaste from behind the sofa.
Luke had, for whatever reason, been taking things in and out of the diaper bag. Mostly out. But currently, he was currently pushing a bib back inside.
"Nope," I replied, grinning up at him from my spot on the sofa. "Be grateful. He could be pulling your CDs off the rack and banging them on your beautiful hardwood floors. Or drooling on your Italian sofa."
Brian's eyes widened. "If he drools on that sofa-"
"Oh, like you haven't had worse cleaned out of it," I interrupted, rolling my eyes.
Brian exhaled and rocked on his feet a little.
I frowned. "What, are you bored?"
"Well, since you cancelled my plans for the night…"
"Don't you have work to do?" I asked.
Brian scowled at me, bracing his hands on the back of the sofa and leaning close. "I've been asked to take a little vacation from work. So no, I don't have any work to do."
"Fuck, are you serious?" I demanded, sitting up straighter. "That's not fair!"
"As comforting as that is," Brian said, making his way around the sofa and flopping down next to me, "recognizing the injustice of it all doesn't do much in the way of entertaining me."
"You should get a hobby," I said seriously.
Brian smirked, tongue in cheek. "I have several."
"Hobbies that can be pursued outside of Babylon," I elaborated.
"I pursue men outside of Babylon all the time."
"Lot of good that does you, now."
I went back to my reading. Biology. I only had three more chapters to review.
Brian exhaled and shifted, folding his arms over his chest.
"Want to help me study?" I asked.
"What I want is to fuck someone and get high," Brian retorted.
I gestured toward Luke. "Wear him out. If you're really good, you'll get him to sleep by seven-thirty."
"I'm ordering dinner," Brian abruptly announced, standing.
He stalked off to order, but several minutes later, yanked on my hair and asked whether I wanted spring rolls or egg rolls.
*
"Dishtowels? You want to tie him up with dishtowels?"
"Well, I'm not using my Armani ties. I think I have actual bedroom rope in the-"
"Christ, Brian, I'll just hold him."
*
"Mel and Lindz split yesterday," Brian said out of the blue.
I almost spat out my noodles. "What?"
"Seems Melanie got a whiff of someone else's lady juices, and had to have a taste."
"Eugh! Brian!"
"What? Like you haven't seen pussy before."
"I didn't have my tongue in it," I said indignantly. "That's disgusting. Ugh."
Brian smirked, and took a bite of vegetable fried rice.
On my lap, Luke was mashing a piece of bread in his mouth. His technique involved sucking on it until it became too soggy, and finally broke off into a bite-sized piece.
I had to admit, I was surprised that Brian had gotten Chinese food. It was some of the most unhealthy takeout there was, and given the way he usually ate (more accurately, the way he didn't eat), I had expected him to order from some place that at least had salads.
"That explains why Lindsay's looking for a job, at least," I said thoughtfully.
Brian frowned. "How the hell did you know that?"
"They need me to babysit on Friday," I said. "Melanie's got to work that afternoon."
"No kidding." Brian stabbed a piece of broccoli. "That's when the secondary hearing is, for the lawsuit."
My eyes widened. "Melanie's representing you?"
"You can't do much better than a bull-dyke lawyer," Brian said with a shrug.
I knew it. I knew it! There was no way Melanie didn't actually know that Brian was a good man-if she truly thought he was an asshole, she'd have never allowed him to father her child, and she definitely wouldn't be trying to save his ass right now.
"So when's the primary hearing?" I asked.
Brian narrowed his eyes. "Don't get ideas."
I raised the hand that wasn't holding Luke in defense. "I won't show up and defend your honor. I promise."
Brian checked my other hand, and then glanced under the table at my feet.
"Honestly!" I said indignantly. "C'mon, Brian. Where is the trust?"
Brian smirked. "The primary hearing," he relented, "is Thursday night."
"My finals are done that morning! I could…" I trailed off quickly at his expression. "Uh. I'll pray for you?"
"Save it for the kids in Sudan. I'm gonna be fine," Brian said dismissively.
But he was worried. If he wasn't, he would have kicked me out ages ago.
*
Almost an hour later, the sound of Luke's giggling broke me out of my studying. I looked up to see Brian sitting on the sofa, one end of a piece of string in his hands, reeling in… Luke's stuffed hippo. Luke was crawling after it, and Brian was careful to keep it just out of his reach.
I stared.
Finally, I managed words. "Brian, are you fishing for my son?"
Brian turned to me, grinning, and pulled the hippo up into his hand. Luke watched him, green eyes wide, and rotated his head as the hippo went sailing a good twenty feet away from the sofa.
He took off, crawling as fast as he could.
"Well, it'll wear him out," I commented.
Brian's grin turned devilish. "That was the idea."
*
It was seven-fifteen when Luke practically dropped dead.
When Brian set his mind to something, he never did it half-assed. Even if it had involved getting a baby to chase after a stuffed hippo on a string for thirty minutes.
"Hurry the fuck up," Brian growled, as I settled Luke carefully into his carrier. He was practically pacing.
"Almost done," I promised. "But I think I have to pee, actu-"
"Hold it," Brian ordered, seizing me around the middle and hauling me off to the bedroom before I could get in another word.
*
Despite my constant irritation with Brian's bitching about how tiny my bed at Debbie's was, I had to admit that Brian's comparatively enormous bed did make things… easier. It allowed us to do a wide variety of interesting things, that was for certain. But it also, to my private disappointment, meant that afterward there was no need to sprawl out on top of each other. And even though that was kind of nice when we finished and I was unbearably hot and sweaty, I missed Brian's weight on top of me anyway.
But we flopped down on the bed, breathless, and I lay alone on my half of the bed. Brian, feet away from me, lay panting and alone on his side of the bed.
I waited until I'd cooled down somewhat and was breathing normally again, and I scooted over to him.
Brian shoved my arms off twice before finally giving up and letting me cuddle close.
I smiled to myself, pleased.
"Justin," Brian said suddenly, his voice abruptly rough.
I looked up, my smile vanishing.
"You need to go," he said. He pushed me away and sat up. "Now."
I stared at him in shock. He was kicking me out now? After everything that I'd done for him tonight, he was kicking me out like I was just another one of his tricks?
But then I saw his fingers twitching. His eyes shifting, almost wild.
I sat up and reached for him. "Brian-"
"Don't," Brian snapped, pushing himself off the bed. "Just fucking don't. I'm going to get high. I'm going to get drunk. I'm going to go to Babylon and get my dick sucked, and then I'm going to bring a trick home. If you don't want Luke exposed to that, then you need to leave. Now."
I swallowed and got off the bed.
*
Pam had left a message on the answering machine by the time I got home from school the next day, as had my mother. I deleted my mother's message and dialed Pam's number from memory (it was in the shape of a big X).
"Oh, good," she said, when I identified myself. "I've been trying to get a hold of you. I got your message yesterday morning-you said you had a guardian picked out?"
"Yeah," I said. "Um. He's… I haven't been able to ask him yet. He's been busy."
"Well, try to talk to him soon, all right? It's not good to leave things suspended like this for so long."
"What's involved in transferring the guardianship?" I asked.
"Oh, we just meet and the guardian will sign some paperwork," Pam said. "You're very lucky this isn't a custodial arrangement-he would've had to have gotten court approval, and that can take a while."
That didn't sound too bad. If only Brian weren't in the middle of a freaking sexual harassment lawsuit and I could just ask him...
"I'll talk to him soon," I promised.
"Good," Pam said. "Let's try to get this whole thing wrapped up before Christmas, shall we? Oh! And I meant to give you the number for the executor of Mr. Anderson's will-it's around here somewhere, give me a minute… You'll want to talk to him about an estate sale and selling the house, if you want to do that."
I scrambled for pen and paper.
Pam gave me his name and number, and then we said goodbye and hung up.
"You gonna call your mother?" Vic asked from the couch, as I set the phone back on its cradle.
At my feet, Luke was chewing on the leg of his stuffed hippo. But when I turned and started walking toward the living room, Luke dropped the hippo and let out an urgent "Dada!"
"What?" I asked, turning back to him. To Vic, I said, "I wasn't planning to call her, no. Why?"
Vic shrugged. "She sounded worried about you, is all."
Luke stuck the hippo up in the air, waving it at me.
"For me?" I asked, bending over and holding out a hand.
"Buh," Luke said, continuing to wave the hippo at me.
I took it from him. "Thank you, Luke."
I turned around to go to the living room again, but he cried out again. "Dada!"
Slightly exasperated, I turned around and saw him sitting there, arms reaching upwards.
"Up?" I asked him. "You want me to hold you and the hippo?"
"Buh," Luke repeated. "Buh, buh, buh!"
Rolling my eyes, I obliged and picked him up, which made him laugh and bang his head against my arm. Weirdo.
As I turned around, I caught sight of Vic and remembered that he wanted me to call Mom.
"If she was really worried, she'd do something about it," I explained casually. "But it's my mother, and she never does anything unless my dad tells her to or she thinks I'm dead. She won't come see me. She'll just call until she gives up."
Vic shrugged. "You've got every right to be mad at her, Justin. I'm just letting you know."
I sighed. "Yeah, well, I've got more important things to deal with at the moment."
*
The baby monitor set that Brian had gotten me, so that I would stop freaking out about leaving Luke alone when he came over to fuck me, was actually dead useful. In retrospect, I remembered Sara having one, but it had never occurred to me until Brian had presented to box to me. Luke had always slept in the same room as me ever since he'd come to live with me in September-which was probably not healthy, given how protective I'd become of him and how most babies were sleeping in their own rooms at this point in their life. The baby monitor was a nice compromise, though.
For instance, it allowed me to be downstairs studying now, at one o'clock in the morning, without worrying that Luke would wake up and start crying and I wouldn't hear him. And it turned out that me being downstairs also allowed me to pick up the phone when Brian called that night-morning-whatever.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when the phone rang, and I dove for it before the ringing woke someone up.
"Novotny residence, this is Justin," I answered quietly, my other ear piqued for Luke-like sounds coming from the baby monitor.
"Justin."
I blinked. "Brian?"
"Smart boy," Brian said fondly. "Did I interrupt your studying?"
"Yes," I said slowly. "Brian, it's one in the morning."
"And you're late for class."
"What?"
"You're late for class. Orgy 101, with Professor Kinney. It's a very important lesson, tonight. You can't miss it."
"Are you drunk?" I asked incredulously.
"I picked them just for you," Brian sing-songed. "All the ones you like. You have good taste in men, Sunshine."
This was… weird. Really weird. Brian Kinney did not drunk-dial people-he was never that out of control. And definitely, Brian Kinney did not drunk-dial irritating little blond twinks named Justin Taylor. If anyone, he would have drunk-dialed Michael.
Right.
Michael.
"Brian, did you talk to Michael tonight?" I asked.
"…no," came Brian's sullen reply.
Yeah, that was convincing.
"Brian…"
"Why would I talk to Mikey?" Brian asked irritably. "He hates me. If I did call him, he'd probably just hang up on me-and he'd be right." He let out a bitter laugh. "Hell, Sunshine, he was right. I should have seen this coming. Good ole dumb Mikey, actually right..."
"There's no way you could have seen this coming," I protested. "You don't deserve this. You're innocent!"
"Ah, but then why did they ask me to stay home?" Brian asked. "That's the tick of it. If I was innocent, they would have let me stay. I'm guilty until proven innocent."
"Well screw them," I said instantly. "Screw them! Isn't that what you always tell me? I know you're innocent. The people that matter know you're innocent."
"Who, my family?" Brian sneered.
"Yes! Me, Debbie and Vic, Melanie… Lindsay. Even Michael knows you're innocent, he's just too petty to stop-"
"Don't fucking talk about him," Brian snarled. "Don't you fucking-he's just-he's… Fuck!"
"You're going to be fine," I said, trying to make it sound more like a command than a platitude. I wished that I could be there to hug him, shove him onto the bed and let him fuck the shit out of me, to give him that little bit of control back in his life. "You're innocent, Brian. They can't condemn you for something you didn't do."
"The most important people aren't your family," Brian said. "You should learn this, Justin, you really should. Family-fuck family. The only important people are the judge and the jury."
I sighed.
"So are you coming over or not?" Brian asked, abruptly business-like.
"I can't," I said, though it killed me to say so. "I have final exams tomorrow, and I can't just leave Luke alone."
"Smart boy," Brian said fondly, again. "I knew you wouldn't come."
I blinked. "You just asked me to come over."
"And you made a sensible, responsible decision to stay home. But don't you ever wonder what you're missing? All the sucking, the men, the drugs, the music, the dancing… Don't tell me you don't wonder. You're a seventeen-year-old gay boy. It's your fucking birthright."
I bit down my frustration, because yes I wanted that. I missed that freedom, the luxury of only worrying about what I wanted.
"It doesn't matter what I wonder," I said, fighting to keep my voice even. "I fucked up a year and a half ago, and now I have to deal with the responsibility that came with that. I owe it to Luke."
"Right answer again," Brian said approvingly.
"What, you wanted me to say no?" I asked incredulously, now both confused and irritated. "You want me to be responsible?"
"What I want is for you to come over and enjoy this orgy. I made it special for you."
"Maybe another night," I promised, sighing.
"Okay," Brian said agreeably. "By the way, you passed the test. Fly colors."
"What test?" I asked. "The test of my ability to say no to you? My maturity? Responsibility?"
"No, the test from last week. On butt plugs. But don't worry, I'll let you have a makeup test for the orgy lesson. You can do it next week-it's going to be longer and harder than tonight's, though. I don't want to cut you any breaks."
I sighed. "Right. I'll be sure to study extra hard for it."
"And extra long," Brian added, and I could just see his tongue going into his cheek.
"Mm-hm. I've got to get back to studying-have fun at your orgy, okay?"
"Oh, I will. Night, Sunshine."
Brian tended to call me 'Sunshine' a lot when he was drunk.
I stood next to the phone for a moment after I hung up, wasting valuable study time, until I made a snap decision that I knew I was going to regret in the morning and grabbed Debbie's kitten-faced phone book off the counter.
Moments later, I was listening to the sound of ringing on the other end of the line.
"Wazzat?"
"Hi, Michael," I said, speaking as loudly as I dared. "It's Justin. I hope I didn't wake you up."
"What… Justin? It's one-thirty in the fucking morning, what the fuck?" Michael hissed.
"Brian just called me," I said quickly, before Michael just flat hung up on me.
"Oh, you too?" Michael snorted.
"Michael, he needs you," I said desperately. I didn't have a plan, or any clear arguments to make, other than that Brian was a mess and Michael needed to get his head out of his ass and help his best friend out. "He misses you."
"You woke me up at this hour to tell me that?" Michael asked crankily. I could hear him shifting, getting out of bed. "He's pathetic. I know. You deal with him, you're the one who wants him."
"But you're the one he really wants," I argued.
"He's never wanted me. It took me fourteen years to realize that, and I'm done," Michael snapped.
I gritted my teeth. "Don't you get it? He shoved you off of a cliff so that you'd be able to have a functional relationship with David!"
"What-cliffs? Functional-" Michael spluttered. "Justin, it's one-thirty in the fucking morning, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about-"
"Brian knew that as long as you were still in love with him, you'd never be able to move on," I said furiously. "He outed you to that girl because he knew you'd never forgive him, and he knew that it was the only way to get you to stop waiting for him. You should be thanking him!"
"What do you know?" Michael demanded. "You, some stupid little trick that wouldn't leave, you and your stupid kid, you don't know anything!"
My stupid kid?
"Fuck you," I snarled. "It's no wonder Brian wouldn't fuck you-you don't deserve him, not even for a night. The tricks he picks up at Babylon are more worthy of him."
Michael spluttered something else, but I hung up before I could listen to it.
Fuck him.
I stalked back over to the couch, slammed my bio textbook shut, and decided that I was done studying for the night. Michael could go fuck himself. Now I was going to have to find a way to pull Brian through this lawsuit, since all anyone else seemed to be doing was laughing at him and enjoying the show. He needed to make it through this, both because I loved him and because I needed him to sign those guardianship papers. And on top of that, I had to apply to college, deal with Cal's estate, convince my mother to fuck off once and for all, and raise my son.
Unsurprisingly, sleep did not come quickly that night.
*
The next day was Thursday, which meant the end of finals and the start of Christmas vacation-Daphne and I both had biology as our last final, and she managed to convince me to go Christmas shopping after we got out. We stopped by Debbie's so that I could pick up the money I'd earned in tips during my first shift at the diner and, after a brief discussion, Luke as well (I didn't want him to see any presents before Christmas morning, but Daphne pointed out that Luke had the memory of a goldfish at this point, and would still be properly surprised come Christmas morning).
Unfortunately, upon arriving at the house, I discovered that Michael was there, and boy, was he unhappy with me.
"You!" he cried, whirling on me. He glanced at Debbie. "You know he called me at one-thirty in the fucking morning last night?"
Oh, sure. Go tattle to your mommy, Michael. That's real mature.
"Well, I'm sure he had a good reason," Debbie said certainly.
Luke came crawling around the couch, making a beeline toward me and chanting my name.
"Hey, dude," I said with a grin, scooping him up and kissing the top of his head. "Did you miss your daddy?"
"He just called to talk about Brian," Michael said, giving me a dirty look. "Like he's not getting what he deserves, anyway."
Debbie whacked Michael on the back of head, and promptly ignored his yelp of surprise. "You little asshole! I know you're mad at Brian, but that does not mean that he deserves to lose his job! Brian wouldn't be dancing circles around you if it were you in danger of losing your job, would he?"
Michael rubbed at the back of his head. "I wouldn't have fucked around at work in the first place! He should know better."
"Yes, he should, but that isn't the point, you little shit-"
I herded Daphne upstairs as Debbie ranted on, eager to get out of there before Debbie started on me about how I had more important things to be doing than worrying about "that asshole".
*
"Daph, why are we on Liberty Avenue?" I asked, shifting the blanket over Luke and tucking one of the corners back in. The sidewalks hadn't been entirely cleared of snow, and we were trooping over an inch of snow that had been almost packed into ice.
"I told you," she said impatiently, "I found the perfect store to buy my Christmas presents for Luke."
"He's a little young for a dildo, don't you think?" I asked, as we passed our fifth sex shop. I didn't know where the revenue came from to support them all. There couldn't be that many queers in Pittsburgh buying sex toys… could there?
Daphne giggled. "I'm not getting him a dildo, doofus. It's just up here-I saw it a few weeks ago…"
It turned out that Daphne had found-I didn't know how I'd missed it during all of my trips to Liberty Avenue-a gay baby boutique. They had normal baby things, too, but a hefty majority of their clothes, bibs and blankets bore phrases like "I LOVE MY DADDIES" and "They're raising me gay". Almost everything seemed to have a rainbow on it.
"You're shitting me," I said, when Daphne held up a baby bottle shaped like a penis. "There is no way I'm putting that in my son's mouth."
Daphne shrugged. "His loss."
"Please don't get anything with 'daddies' on it," I said, as she moved on to the bibs. "Brian would think I was talking about him. He'd have a shit-fit."
"What about 'I support gay adoption'?" Daphne asked, fingering a blue bib.
"Luke isn't adopted," I pointed out. I switched the hand I was using to hold his carrier, and Luke giggled as he was swung in a semi-circle.
"Well, he can still support it on principle, can't he?"
"No gay adoption," I said firmly.
Daphne sighed, but moved on. "Ooo! What about this one? 'Jesus killed my gay baby whale'!"
I eyed it contemplatively. "I might be able to live with that one."
Daphne grinned.
I rolled my eyes, and turned my gaze to the window for a moment.
And that was when I saw him.
Kip Thomas. The asshole was walking past the store in a suit, briefcase in hand.
My mind flashed and suddenly it was last night and Brian was unraveling over the phone, swinging wildly between anger and excitement and lust-I was the only one on his side. I was the only one who could help him.
Immediately, a plan snapped together in my mind.
Kip was gay. I was hot. Age of consent was sixteen, but most people thought it was eighteen.
"Justin?" Daphne asked, poking me in the shoulder.
I lifted my arm to hand Luke's carrier over-
Luke.
Reality came crashing down.
There was no way I could go through with my plan. It was too crazy. There were too many risks, and I had to put Luke first. Luke came before Brian.
Fuck.
"I'm fine," I said, tightening my grip on Luke's carrier. "I think Luke's getting tired of being strapped in, though. I'm going to go sit down and hold him for a bit, all right?"
"Sure," Daphne agreed. "Then you won't see what I get him!"
I spared one more glance at the window, exhaled, and pushed last night's conversation with Brian out of my head.
Whatever, trouble Brian was in, I had to think about Luke. Luke had to come first.
Part 15
Author: methylethyl
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Justin watches the last vestiges of support crumble beneath his feet, sending him into freefall. He can only close his eyes and pray he’ll land somewhere soft.
Disclaimer: QAF & Co. does not belong to me.
Breakneck
Chapter 14: Impending
"So what the fuck is this plan of yours that you won't shut up about?" Brian asked, over breakfast at the diner.
I'd convinced him to come with me and pay for my food, with only a quick blowjob in the shower. Pancakes had never been so sweetly earned.
I frowned. "Well, I'm not sure how necessary it is now, but the initial plan was for me to score a full ride to a college in Pittsburgh and then defer enrollment for a year, make as much money as I could, and then work and go to school at the same time while living on my own."
Brian's eyebrows rose. "Well, it's nothing if not ambitious."
"That's why I needed to do well on my SATs," I explained. "I need to get a scholarship. Too bad art schools don't give scholarships…"
"Art school?" Brian asked.
"I… That's what I really want," I admitted, and I felt guilty just saying the words. "It's what I've always wanted. To be an artist. But there's no way I'd get a full ride based on aptitude-I'm not that good."
"And the money your dad makes fucks you out of financial aid, right?"
"Right."
"Wrong," Brian said.
I blinked.
Brian grinned. "What, your ritzy private-school college counselor didn't tell you about this?"
"Tell me about what?" I demanded.
"You-" Brian pointed a finger at me, poking me in the chest. "-are considered independent of your family's income, by FAFSA, because you've got a kid."
I stared. "You're shitting me. Nuh-uh."
Brian nodded. "Oh, yeah."
"So… so it's just based on my income?" I asked. "Just mine? Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure," Brian said. "I don't know why they would have changed it since I was in college."
I frowned. "Uh… Why…"
Brian smirked. "For one wild week in college, Lindsay and I almost got married. It's one of the other ways to make yourself exempt from your family's income."
"You almost got married?" I said incredulously.
"My athletic scholarship got blown to hell when I busted my knee sophomore year," Brian said with a shrug. "Lindsay wasn't even getting financial aid-her parents paid for college straight up-but mine weren't going to cough up so much as a cent."
"What happened?"
Brian shrugged. "I had a few academic scholarships come through, and I got an internship with Ryder."
"I…" Excitement built up inside of me, and my grin was back full force. "Shit, Brian, with the pittance of money I'm going to be making at the diner, they'll have to give me a full ride! They'll-"
Realization hit me.
The four hundred thousand dollars I would be inheriting on Luke's behalf shot me well up and out of the poverty bracket. With four hundred thousand dollars in my name, financial aid would laugh in my face if I so much as stepped inside their office.
Brian was eying me curiously.
"I… yeah," I tried weakly, but it was pale imitation of my earlier joy. "That's a really awesome idea. Thanks for telling me."
Brian's eyes narrowed. "What?"
"Nothing," I said quickly.
I didn't know how I was supposed to tell him about the inheritance situation. He'd freaked out about the hospital thing for nearly a month, and he'd stayed away for almost a week after Cal had died. I didn't need to give him more reason to think I was some pathetic little twink who was bogged-down with drama and issues.
"You really are a shitty liar," Brian told me.
It wasn't true. I wasn't usually this bad at lying-I'd just been so excited, and then so disappointed, and it had been such a one-eighty that I hadn't had time to recover.
"I-"
The door to the diner opened, and like an angel sent down from heaven, Daphne strolled inside, Luke's carrier hanging off of one arm and his diaper bag over her shoulder. She was bundled up like the Michelin Man, and she'd taken the liberty of pulling a blanket over Luke's carrier to keep him warmer.
I grinned brightly and waved her over.
Our fight from last week had been all but forgotten-one of the best things about Daphne was that she could never hold grudges for more than twenty-four hours. Ever.
"Good morning!" Daphne said cheerily, practically skipping over to our table despite the heavy snow boots she was wearing.
"You exchanged my son for a blanket?" I demanded, gesturing toward the blanket-covered lump in the carrier. "What, did you think I wouldn't notice?"
Daphne giggled. "I thought it would at least work until you tried to feed it."
She set the carrier on the table and I peeled back the blanket to reveal a very-thickly bundled Luke.
"Hi, Brian," Daphne said, as I made quick work of Luke's winter clothes. He could overheat quickly, especially in an already-overheated place like the diner.
"Morning, Daphne," Brian drawled, sitting back in the booth. His eyes became slits as his gaze turned to me.
I knew he wasn't done with me. I might have gotten out of it for now, but this was a conversation that we would be revisiting.
"Did you already eat without me?" Daphne asked, sitting down next to me.
I shrugged, lifting Luke up out of his carrier and onto my lap, letting him stand. "I was hungry."
"Dada," Luke announced, planting a hand over my mouth. "Dada buh."
I grinned and opened my mouth, sticking out my tongue and licking Luke's hand, which he drew back with a delighted squeal.
Daphne rolled her eyes. "He's not edible, Justin."
"Says who?" I asked, as I turned him around so that he was facing Brian. "Say 'Hi, Brian. Thank you for screwing my daddy's brains out last night'."
Luke gurgled a bit, finding my syrup-covered plate more interesting.
I quickly pulled his hands back with a firm, "No."
"I'm overwhelmed by your child's vocabulary," Brian said dryly. "Also, I have to go."
"Go?" Daphne repeated. "What, already?"
"Because I really enjoy eating breakfast with two teenagers and a baby," Brian said, rolling his eyes and standing up.
"But we're such a shining example of diversity right now!" I pointed out. "We're dual-gendered, multi-racial, tri-generational…"
"A generation is twenty years, brat," Brian retorted.
I grinned. "Whatever, old man."
Brian grinned back, tongue in his cheek.
I turned Luke so that he was facing Brian again. "Say 'Bye, Brian. Bye!'"
I waved my hand, and Luke copied the motion.
Brian rolled his eyes and turned, walking away.
"Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh," Luke babbled, waving. "Bye!"
I blinked.
Daphne's head whipped around. "Did he just-"
"He did!" I was grinning so hard it hurt. "Luke, did Brian go bye-bye?"
"Bye!" Luke repeated, looking pleased.
*
Once the excitement of Luke's second word had worn off, Daphne's omelet had arrived, and I'd gone through all the juicy details of last night, I finally moved on to a less pleasant topic.
"I need to pick someone to be guardian of Luke's account until I turn eighteen," I said. "And I can't think of anyone."
Daphne chewed thoughtfully for a moment, and then swallowed. "Well, definitely not your parents, right?"
I nodded.
"What about Debbie? Or Vic?"
I shook my head. "No."
"Why not?" Daphne asked.
I shrugged. "I just… I can't ask them to do that."
"Do what? Sign some forms and sit on your inheritance for a few months?"
"It's not that-I just-"
Truthfully, there wasn't a good, logical reason why I shouldn't ask Debbie.
"I just don't want to," I said finally, shaking my head. "I don't feel comfortable."
Daphne thought again. "Wasn't one of Brian's lesbian friends a lawyer?"
"Yeah, Melanie," I said, nodding. "But I hardly know her, and she's not really that fond of me. She judges me for having Luke."
"But she's a lawyer," Daphne pointed out. "She's bound to have some modicum of professionalism."
"Yeah, but…"
"But what?"
I shook my head. "I don't know. I don't feel like I can trust her."
"Brian?" she suggested.
I stared. "You're kidding, right? Like he'd ever actually do it."
"Your… grandparents? Aunts? Uncles?"
"What, so they can steal the little faggot's money?" I asked.
"Well, is there anyone over the age of eighteen that you trust?" Daphne demanded.
I thought about it for a moment, and then two.
"I… Not really," I said slowly. "I guess I trust Brian. But he wouldn't agree to sign the papers, anyway. Our relationship consists solely of drinking, dancing and fucking."
"So, there's no one?"
I shook my head. "I guess not."
Daphne looked at me dubiously. "Well, that poses a problem, doesn't it?"
It certainly did.
I'd have to take a leap and trust somebody. I didn't have a choice.
*
The following evening, Monday night, I sucked up my courage and called Pam. She'd already left for the night, and so I left her a voice message.
"Hey Pam, it's Justin Taylor. Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. Um, I wanted to let you know that I have someone in mind to stand as guardian over Luke's money until I turn eighteen. My finals for school are over on Thursday morning and then I'm off for Christmas break, so maybe we could meet? You can reach me at (412) 555-3349. Thanks."
Upstairs, I alternated between reading the outline of As I Lay Dying that I'd made for Daphne weeks ago and playing pat-a-cake with Luke. Debbie was in her bedroom wrapping presents (a significant percentage of which I suspected were for Luke, given the Babies 'R' Us ads that I'd seen laying around the kitchen table for the last three weeks). My finals were almost halfway over, and once I was finished with them, I had three weeks off for Christmas and New Years. I could spend more time with Luke, work lots of shifts at the diner, see Brian more, draw…
A holler from Vic downstairs made me pause mid-clap with Luke.
"Justin! Phone for you!"
I sighed and reluctantly pushed myself to my feet.
"Buh?" Luke asked, from the floor, which was his abbreviated way of saying 'bye'.
"Nope," I replied, leaning down to pick him up. "You're coming with me, buddy-boy."
We trekked downstairs, Luke clapping and rolling his fists together in a one-man version of pat-a-cake.
"It's Mel," Vic said as he handed me the phone. He gestured to Luke. "You want me to take him?"
I shook my head. "Nah, it's fine."
Vic nodded and wandered back over to where the TV was playing.
"Hello?" I said, bringing the phone up to my ear.
"Justin!" Melanie said, sounding pleased. "Hey, baby. I heard you're busy studying for finals, so I'll keep this short, all right?"
"Okay," I said. I wondered what on earth she could need, while pointedly not thinking about Cal's mess of a will. There was no way she would know about that.
I let Luke down on the floor, and he immediately took off for the kitchen table.
"I was wondering if you could watch Gus for Lindsay and I on Friday, during the afternoon. Lindsay's going job-hunting, and I can only watch Gus for a few hours in the morning."
"Sure," I said instantly. A scrolling marquee of income cash money for Luke was running through my head over and over. "I'd love to. What time would you need me there by?"
It occurred to me, after I'd spoken, that it was odd Lindsay was job-hunting. I remember her talking incessantly about how nice it was to be able to be a stay-at-home mom during Debbie's dinner a few weeks ago, while I'd smoldered a few seats away.
"Around eleven-I've got a meeting I can't miss at eleven-thirty. Lindsay should be back around dinner time, but she might be home earlier. Is that all right?"
"That's great."
Melanie let out a breath. "Oh, thank you, so much. We really appreciate it, Justin. And of course, you can bring Luke over."
"You're welcome," I said diplomatically.
"Okay," Melanie said. "Well, I should let you get back to your studying, I guess."
"Wait," I blurted out, before I could think about it and chicken out. "I have a question."
"Ask away."
"I…" I tried rapidly to think of a neutral way to phrase my question. "You hate Brian, right?"
Melanie snorted. "Oh, yeah. And trust me, sweetie, the feeling is completely mutual. Why?"
"I just-I was wondering why you let him father your child, then?" I asked, the words coming out in a rush.
Melanie paused.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to," I added quickly, suddenly realizing how personal the question was.
"No, no, it's fine," Melanie assured me. "To be honest, I didn't have much of a choice. It was either Brian or no one, for Lindsay. I decided that I could live with that sacrifice-though I'm beginning to think that was a mistake. Why do you ask?"
I sighed. "I just don't understand him, sometimes."
"It's simple," Melanie said with another snort. "He's an asshole. He's not worth your time, Justin. You and your son can do a lot better."
That wasn't true at all. But I released my reflexive irritation in a silent breath, and thanked her for answering my question before I said goodbye.
But if Brian was truly the monster that Melanie thought he was-would she really have agreed to let him father her child? Would she have let her own desire for a baby override the future wellbeing of said baby? That couldn't be true. Somewhere inside of her, Melanie knew that Brian was a good man.
And Brian was a good man. He was the only person I even remotely trusted, and I was taking a leap of faith on him. He had to be a good man.
*
The following day I got home from school to find Vic on his way out to buy groceries. I'd no sooner gotten Luke upstairs and my study materials sprawled across my bed than the sound of the phone ringing reached my ears. I groaned in frustration.
I made it downstairs in time to hear the answering machine pick up.
"Hey, Ma!"
Oh.
I stopped at the bottom step, Luke on my hip, and suddenly felt absolutely no motivation to pick up the phone.
I let the answering machine play, turning around.
"Call me back when you get the chance-you wouldn't believe the shit that Brian's gotten himself into this time. He's finally getting what he deserves, the asshole. Oh, and I wanted to let you know that the Big Q's having a sale on pasta, if you need any for that PFLAG spaghetti dinner. Love you, Ma!"
I was frozen on the steps.
Brian was in trouble?
The answering machine clicked off, and I slowly walked over to the phone. I debated for a moment, and then set Luke on the ground and dialed Brian's cell phone number.
Had he gotten hurt? What if he was positive? What if something had happened to his family, to Gus?
"Kinney," Brian growled, after three rings.
"It's Justin," I said. My heart was pounding slightly too fast. "I-is everything okay? Michael just left a really weird message on the answering machine, and I-"
Brian made a little humorless humming noise. "He was gloating, wasn't he?"
So something was wrong.
"What happened?" I asked. "Is everyone okay? Are you okay?"
A humorless laugh, this time. "I'm being sued. For sexual harassment."
I almost dropped the phone. "You? But… why? Why would you need to?"
"I didn't," Brian snapped. "Christ! I fucked some junior ad-exec and I wouldn't promote him afterwards. And now he's suing me. End of story."
"Well-well, he's lying," I said stupidly.
"You were hoping for… what, on your SATs, again? 900?"
"Fuck you," I snapped, but then I caught myself.
Brian was probably really freaking out. I shouldn't lose my temper.
"Is it serious?" I asked, my voice much more calm.
"It's a sexual harassment lawsuit. Of course it's serious. Do you know what this could do to my reputation? My client list?"
"I…" I struggled for something to say. "Was it that guy you had over Saturday night? For business?"
"Yep," Brian said, popping the P. "Good ole Kip."
I frowned, wanting to do something to make it better for him. God. What must it feel like to be sued for something you didn't do? More importantly, what must it feel like to be sued by someone with a dog's name?
"Does Lindsay know?" I asked, hoping that I could get Brian to go and see her and Gus instead of going out and drinking himself into oblivion like he was probably planning to do tonight. Mikey was clearly not going to be there for him, but Lindsay… She could help.
But Brian let out a bitter laugh. "Oh, yeah. She's already told me how I should have known that something like this would happen to me, one day."
No Lindsay. No Mikey.
"I'm coming over," I declared.
"You are going to stay home and study for your final exams."
"I'll bring my homework-you can help me study."
"Only if you need help studying anatomy."
I rolled me eyes. "I'm coming over, at least for a few hours. You can still go out to Woody's later, if you want."
"Whatever," Brian said. "You'd better come ready to get fucked."
And he hung up.
Babbling suddenly registered in my ears, and I looked down to see Luke coasting around the coffee table.
Right. Vic was at the grocery store.
I guess Brian wouldn't be getting quite the quality time with me that he'd wanted.
*
"Fuck," Brian said, upon seeing Luke. Or rather, the bundled, blanketed twitching thing in the baby carrier.
I don't know why I was surprised to see that he was naked.
"I told you to come ready to fuck, not to bring the fucking kid," Brian snapped, hand on the door like he was about to slam it shut on me. Which, actually, he might.
"Give it four hours, when he's asleep for the night," I said quickly. "Three, if we wear him out."
"If you think I'm letting you stay for four hours…" Brian grouched, but he stepped back to let me inside. "I thought Vic was your personal, live-in babysitter? And Jesus Christ, what the fuck is in your backpack, a microwave?"
"Textbooks," I answered.
"Excuse me? I said 'if you insist on coming over, plan on me fucking the shit out of you'. Tell me, where in that series of words did you manage to end up with 'I'll babysit your kid while you do your homework'?" Brian demanded, following me over to the couch, where I set down Luke's carrier, then the diaper bag, and then finally, my enormous backpack.
"I can watch Luke and study at the same time," I told him firmly.
"But you can't wear him out while you study," Brian said.
"Well, then, you'll have to do it," I replied pleasantly. I pulled the blanket off of Luke and then undid the buckles, which he'd been pushing at.
"No fucking way," Brian said flatly. "Go back home. I'm not babysitting."
I glanced at him. "Go put some clothes on."
"I mean it, Justin."
Yeah, right.
I spared him an unimpressed look before I started peeling off Luke's winter clothing.
I could practically hear Brian's teeth grinding. He wanted to throw a tantrum, probably scream at me and maybe even kick a few things around, but he wouldn't with the baby around. He did have some modicum of decency in him.
Luke was deposited on the floor, and he sat there, staring around the new place with interest.
I smirked when Brian finally stomped off to put clothes on.
I was so onto him.
*
Brian sulked for about fifteen minutes, but he was eventually unable to hold back a snarky comment.
"Doesn't take much to amuse him, does it?" Brian asked, eying Luke with distaste from behind the sofa.
Luke had, for whatever reason, been taking things in and out of the diaper bag. Mostly out. But currently, he was currently pushing a bib back inside.
"Nope," I replied, grinning up at him from my spot on the sofa. "Be grateful. He could be pulling your CDs off the rack and banging them on your beautiful hardwood floors. Or drooling on your Italian sofa."
Brian's eyes widened. "If he drools on that sofa-"
"Oh, like you haven't had worse cleaned out of it," I interrupted, rolling my eyes.
Brian exhaled and rocked on his feet a little.
I frowned. "What, are you bored?"
"Well, since you cancelled my plans for the night…"
"Don't you have work to do?" I asked.
Brian scowled at me, bracing his hands on the back of the sofa and leaning close. "I've been asked to take a little vacation from work. So no, I don't have any work to do."
"Fuck, are you serious?" I demanded, sitting up straighter. "That's not fair!"
"As comforting as that is," Brian said, making his way around the sofa and flopping down next to me, "recognizing the injustice of it all doesn't do much in the way of entertaining me."
"You should get a hobby," I said seriously.
Brian smirked, tongue in cheek. "I have several."
"Hobbies that can be pursued outside of Babylon," I elaborated.
"I pursue men outside of Babylon all the time."
"Lot of good that does you, now."
I went back to my reading. Biology. I only had three more chapters to review.
Brian exhaled and shifted, folding his arms over his chest.
"Want to help me study?" I asked.
"What I want is to fuck someone and get high," Brian retorted.
I gestured toward Luke. "Wear him out. If you're really good, you'll get him to sleep by seven-thirty."
"I'm ordering dinner," Brian abruptly announced, standing.
He stalked off to order, but several minutes later, yanked on my hair and asked whether I wanted spring rolls or egg rolls.
*
"Dishtowels? You want to tie him up with dishtowels?"
"Well, I'm not using my Armani ties. I think I have actual bedroom rope in the-"
"Christ, Brian, I'll just hold him."
*
"Mel and Lindz split yesterday," Brian said out of the blue.
I almost spat out my noodles. "What?"
"Seems Melanie got a whiff of someone else's lady juices, and had to have a taste."
"Eugh! Brian!"
"What? Like you haven't seen pussy before."
"I didn't have my tongue in it," I said indignantly. "That's disgusting. Ugh."
Brian smirked, and took a bite of vegetable fried rice.
On my lap, Luke was mashing a piece of bread in his mouth. His technique involved sucking on it until it became too soggy, and finally broke off into a bite-sized piece.
I had to admit, I was surprised that Brian had gotten Chinese food. It was some of the most unhealthy takeout there was, and given the way he usually ate (more accurately, the way he didn't eat), I had expected him to order from some place that at least had salads.
"That explains why Lindsay's looking for a job, at least," I said thoughtfully.
Brian frowned. "How the hell did you know that?"
"They need me to babysit on Friday," I said. "Melanie's got to work that afternoon."
"No kidding." Brian stabbed a piece of broccoli. "That's when the secondary hearing is, for the lawsuit."
My eyes widened. "Melanie's representing you?"
"You can't do much better than a bull-dyke lawyer," Brian said with a shrug.
I knew it. I knew it! There was no way Melanie didn't actually know that Brian was a good man-if she truly thought he was an asshole, she'd have never allowed him to father her child, and she definitely wouldn't be trying to save his ass right now.
"So when's the primary hearing?" I asked.
Brian narrowed his eyes. "Don't get ideas."
I raised the hand that wasn't holding Luke in defense. "I won't show up and defend your honor. I promise."
Brian checked my other hand, and then glanced under the table at my feet.
"Honestly!" I said indignantly. "C'mon, Brian. Where is the trust?"
Brian smirked. "The primary hearing," he relented, "is Thursday night."
"My finals are done that morning! I could…" I trailed off quickly at his expression. "Uh. I'll pray for you?"
"Save it for the kids in Sudan. I'm gonna be fine," Brian said dismissively.
But he was worried. If he wasn't, he would have kicked me out ages ago.
*
Almost an hour later, the sound of Luke's giggling broke me out of my studying. I looked up to see Brian sitting on the sofa, one end of a piece of string in his hands, reeling in… Luke's stuffed hippo. Luke was crawling after it, and Brian was careful to keep it just out of his reach.
I stared.
Finally, I managed words. "Brian, are you fishing for my son?"
Brian turned to me, grinning, and pulled the hippo up into his hand. Luke watched him, green eyes wide, and rotated his head as the hippo went sailing a good twenty feet away from the sofa.
He took off, crawling as fast as he could.
"Well, it'll wear him out," I commented.
Brian's grin turned devilish. "That was the idea."
*
It was seven-fifteen when Luke practically dropped dead.
When Brian set his mind to something, he never did it half-assed. Even if it had involved getting a baby to chase after a stuffed hippo on a string for thirty minutes.
"Hurry the fuck up," Brian growled, as I settled Luke carefully into his carrier. He was practically pacing.
"Almost done," I promised. "But I think I have to pee, actu-"
"Hold it," Brian ordered, seizing me around the middle and hauling me off to the bedroom before I could get in another word.
*
Despite my constant irritation with Brian's bitching about how tiny my bed at Debbie's was, I had to admit that Brian's comparatively enormous bed did make things… easier. It allowed us to do a wide variety of interesting things, that was for certain. But it also, to my private disappointment, meant that afterward there was no need to sprawl out on top of each other. And even though that was kind of nice when we finished and I was unbearably hot and sweaty, I missed Brian's weight on top of me anyway.
But we flopped down on the bed, breathless, and I lay alone on my half of the bed. Brian, feet away from me, lay panting and alone on his side of the bed.
I waited until I'd cooled down somewhat and was breathing normally again, and I scooted over to him.
Brian shoved my arms off twice before finally giving up and letting me cuddle close.
I smiled to myself, pleased.
"Justin," Brian said suddenly, his voice abruptly rough.
I looked up, my smile vanishing.
"You need to go," he said. He pushed me away and sat up. "Now."
I stared at him in shock. He was kicking me out now? After everything that I'd done for him tonight, he was kicking me out like I was just another one of his tricks?
But then I saw his fingers twitching. His eyes shifting, almost wild.
I sat up and reached for him. "Brian-"
"Don't," Brian snapped, pushing himself off the bed. "Just fucking don't. I'm going to get high. I'm going to get drunk. I'm going to go to Babylon and get my dick sucked, and then I'm going to bring a trick home. If you don't want Luke exposed to that, then you need to leave. Now."
I swallowed and got off the bed.
*
Pam had left a message on the answering machine by the time I got home from school the next day, as had my mother. I deleted my mother's message and dialed Pam's number from memory (it was in the shape of a big X).
"Oh, good," she said, when I identified myself. "I've been trying to get a hold of you. I got your message yesterday morning-you said you had a guardian picked out?"
"Yeah," I said. "Um. He's… I haven't been able to ask him yet. He's been busy."
"Well, try to talk to him soon, all right? It's not good to leave things suspended like this for so long."
"What's involved in transferring the guardianship?" I asked.
"Oh, we just meet and the guardian will sign some paperwork," Pam said. "You're very lucky this isn't a custodial arrangement-he would've had to have gotten court approval, and that can take a while."
That didn't sound too bad. If only Brian weren't in the middle of a freaking sexual harassment lawsuit and I could just ask him...
"I'll talk to him soon," I promised.
"Good," Pam said. "Let's try to get this whole thing wrapped up before Christmas, shall we? Oh! And I meant to give you the number for the executor of Mr. Anderson's will-it's around here somewhere, give me a minute… You'll want to talk to him about an estate sale and selling the house, if you want to do that."
I scrambled for pen and paper.
Pam gave me his name and number, and then we said goodbye and hung up.
"You gonna call your mother?" Vic asked from the couch, as I set the phone back on its cradle.
At my feet, Luke was chewing on the leg of his stuffed hippo. But when I turned and started walking toward the living room, Luke dropped the hippo and let out an urgent "Dada!"
"What?" I asked, turning back to him. To Vic, I said, "I wasn't planning to call her, no. Why?"
Vic shrugged. "She sounded worried about you, is all."
Luke stuck the hippo up in the air, waving it at me.
"For me?" I asked, bending over and holding out a hand.
"Buh," Luke said, continuing to wave the hippo at me.
I took it from him. "Thank you, Luke."
I turned around to go to the living room again, but he cried out again. "Dada!"
Slightly exasperated, I turned around and saw him sitting there, arms reaching upwards.
"Up?" I asked him. "You want me to hold you and the hippo?"
"Buh," Luke repeated. "Buh, buh, buh!"
Rolling my eyes, I obliged and picked him up, which made him laugh and bang his head against my arm. Weirdo.
As I turned around, I caught sight of Vic and remembered that he wanted me to call Mom.
"If she was really worried, she'd do something about it," I explained casually. "But it's my mother, and she never does anything unless my dad tells her to or she thinks I'm dead. She won't come see me. She'll just call until she gives up."
Vic shrugged. "You've got every right to be mad at her, Justin. I'm just letting you know."
I sighed. "Yeah, well, I've got more important things to deal with at the moment."
*
The baby monitor set that Brian had gotten me, so that I would stop freaking out about leaving Luke alone when he came over to fuck me, was actually dead useful. In retrospect, I remembered Sara having one, but it had never occurred to me until Brian had presented to box to me. Luke had always slept in the same room as me ever since he'd come to live with me in September-which was probably not healthy, given how protective I'd become of him and how most babies were sleeping in their own rooms at this point in their life. The baby monitor was a nice compromise, though.
For instance, it allowed me to be downstairs studying now, at one o'clock in the morning, without worrying that Luke would wake up and start crying and I wouldn't hear him. And it turned out that me being downstairs also allowed me to pick up the phone when Brian called that night-morning-whatever.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when the phone rang, and I dove for it before the ringing woke someone up.
"Novotny residence, this is Justin," I answered quietly, my other ear piqued for Luke-like sounds coming from the baby monitor.
"Justin."
I blinked. "Brian?"
"Smart boy," Brian said fondly. "Did I interrupt your studying?"
"Yes," I said slowly. "Brian, it's one in the morning."
"And you're late for class."
"What?"
"You're late for class. Orgy 101, with Professor Kinney. It's a very important lesson, tonight. You can't miss it."
"Are you drunk?" I asked incredulously.
"I picked them just for you," Brian sing-songed. "All the ones you like. You have good taste in men, Sunshine."
This was… weird. Really weird. Brian Kinney did not drunk-dial people-he was never that out of control. And definitely, Brian Kinney did not drunk-dial irritating little blond twinks named Justin Taylor. If anyone, he would have drunk-dialed Michael.
Right.
Michael.
"Brian, did you talk to Michael tonight?" I asked.
"…no," came Brian's sullen reply.
Yeah, that was convincing.
"Brian…"
"Why would I talk to Mikey?" Brian asked irritably. "He hates me. If I did call him, he'd probably just hang up on me-and he'd be right." He let out a bitter laugh. "Hell, Sunshine, he was right. I should have seen this coming. Good ole dumb Mikey, actually right..."
"There's no way you could have seen this coming," I protested. "You don't deserve this. You're innocent!"
"Ah, but then why did they ask me to stay home?" Brian asked. "That's the tick of it. If I was innocent, they would have let me stay. I'm guilty until proven innocent."
"Well screw them," I said instantly. "Screw them! Isn't that what you always tell me? I know you're innocent. The people that matter know you're innocent."
"Who, my family?" Brian sneered.
"Yes! Me, Debbie and Vic, Melanie… Lindsay. Even Michael knows you're innocent, he's just too petty to stop-"
"Don't fucking talk about him," Brian snarled. "Don't you fucking-he's just-he's… Fuck!"
"You're going to be fine," I said, trying to make it sound more like a command than a platitude. I wished that I could be there to hug him, shove him onto the bed and let him fuck the shit out of me, to give him that little bit of control back in his life. "You're innocent, Brian. They can't condemn you for something you didn't do."
"The most important people aren't your family," Brian said. "You should learn this, Justin, you really should. Family-fuck family. The only important people are the judge and the jury."
I sighed.
"So are you coming over or not?" Brian asked, abruptly business-like.
"I can't," I said, though it killed me to say so. "I have final exams tomorrow, and I can't just leave Luke alone."
"Smart boy," Brian said fondly, again. "I knew you wouldn't come."
I blinked. "You just asked me to come over."
"And you made a sensible, responsible decision to stay home. But don't you ever wonder what you're missing? All the sucking, the men, the drugs, the music, the dancing… Don't tell me you don't wonder. You're a seventeen-year-old gay boy. It's your fucking birthright."
I bit down my frustration, because yes I wanted that. I missed that freedom, the luxury of only worrying about what I wanted.
"It doesn't matter what I wonder," I said, fighting to keep my voice even. "I fucked up a year and a half ago, and now I have to deal with the responsibility that came with that. I owe it to Luke."
"Right answer again," Brian said approvingly.
"What, you wanted me to say no?" I asked incredulously, now both confused and irritated. "You want me to be responsible?"
"What I want is for you to come over and enjoy this orgy. I made it special for you."
"Maybe another night," I promised, sighing.
"Okay," Brian said agreeably. "By the way, you passed the test. Fly colors."
"What test?" I asked. "The test of my ability to say no to you? My maturity? Responsibility?"
"No, the test from last week. On butt plugs. But don't worry, I'll let you have a makeup test for the orgy lesson. You can do it next week-it's going to be longer and harder than tonight's, though. I don't want to cut you any breaks."
I sighed. "Right. I'll be sure to study extra hard for it."
"And extra long," Brian added, and I could just see his tongue going into his cheek.
"Mm-hm. I've got to get back to studying-have fun at your orgy, okay?"
"Oh, I will. Night, Sunshine."
Brian tended to call me 'Sunshine' a lot when he was drunk.
I stood next to the phone for a moment after I hung up, wasting valuable study time, until I made a snap decision that I knew I was going to regret in the morning and grabbed Debbie's kitten-faced phone book off the counter.
Moments later, I was listening to the sound of ringing on the other end of the line.
"Wazzat?"
"Hi, Michael," I said, speaking as loudly as I dared. "It's Justin. I hope I didn't wake you up."
"What… Justin? It's one-thirty in the fucking morning, what the fuck?" Michael hissed.
"Brian just called me," I said quickly, before Michael just flat hung up on me.
"Oh, you too?" Michael snorted.
"Michael, he needs you," I said desperately. I didn't have a plan, or any clear arguments to make, other than that Brian was a mess and Michael needed to get his head out of his ass and help his best friend out. "He misses you."
"You woke me up at this hour to tell me that?" Michael asked crankily. I could hear him shifting, getting out of bed. "He's pathetic. I know. You deal with him, you're the one who wants him."
"But you're the one he really wants," I argued.
"He's never wanted me. It took me fourteen years to realize that, and I'm done," Michael snapped.
I gritted my teeth. "Don't you get it? He shoved you off of a cliff so that you'd be able to have a functional relationship with David!"
"What-cliffs? Functional-" Michael spluttered. "Justin, it's one-thirty in the fucking morning, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about-"
"Brian knew that as long as you were still in love with him, you'd never be able to move on," I said furiously. "He outed you to that girl because he knew you'd never forgive him, and he knew that it was the only way to get you to stop waiting for him. You should be thanking him!"
"What do you know?" Michael demanded. "You, some stupid little trick that wouldn't leave, you and your stupid kid, you don't know anything!"
My stupid kid?
"Fuck you," I snarled. "It's no wonder Brian wouldn't fuck you-you don't deserve him, not even for a night. The tricks he picks up at Babylon are more worthy of him."
Michael spluttered something else, but I hung up before I could listen to it.
Fuck him.
I stalked back over to the couch, slammed my bio textbook shut, and decided that I was done studying for the night. Michael could go fuck himself. Now I was going to have to find a way to pull Brian through this lawsuit, since all anyone else seemed to be doing was laughing at him and enjoying the show. He needed to make it through this, both because I loved him and because I needed him to sign those guardianship papers. And on top of that, I had to apply to college, deal with Cal's estate, convince my mother to fuck off once and for all, and raise my son.
Unsurprisingly, sleep did not come quickly that night.
*
The next day was Thursday, which meant the end of finals and the start of Christmas vacation-Daphne and I both had biology as our last final, and she managed to convince me to go Christmas shopping after we got out. We stopped by Debbie's so that I could pick up the money I'd earned in tips during my first shift at the diner and, after a brief discussion, Luke as well (I didn't want him to see any presents before Christmas morning, but Daphne pointed out that Luke had the memory of a goldfish at this point, and would still be properly surprised come Christmas morning).
Unfortunately, upon arriving at the house, I discovered that Michael was there, and boy, was he unhappy with me.
"You!" he cried, whirling on me. He glanced at Debbie. "You know he called me at one-thirty in the fucking morning last night?"
Oh, sure. Go tattle to your mommy, Michael. That's real mature.
"Well, I'm sure he had a good reason," Debbie said certainly.
Luke came crawling around the couch, making a beeline toward me and chanting my name.
"Hey, dude," I said with a grin, scooping him up and kissing the top of his head. "Did you miss your daddy?"
"He just called to talk about Brian," Michael said, giving me a dirty look. "Like he's not getting what he deserves, anyway."
Debbie whacked Michael on the back of head, and promptly ignored his yelp of surprise. "You little asshole! I know you're mad at Brian, but that does not mean that he deserves to lose his job! Brian wouldn't be dancing circles around you if it were you in danger of losing your job, would he?"
Michael rubbed at the back of his head. "I wouldn't have fucked around at work in the first place! He should know better."
"Yes, he should, but that isn't the point, you little shit-"
I herded Daphne upstairs as Debbie ranted on, eager to get out of there before Debbie started on me about how I had more important things to be doing than worrying about "that asshole".
*
"Daph, why are we on Liberty Avenue?" I asked, shifting the blanket over Luke and tucking one of the corners back in. The sidewalks hadn't been entirely cleared of snow, and we were trooping over an inch of snow that had been almost packed into ice.
"I told you," she said impatiently, "I found the perfect store to buy my Christmas presents for Luke."
"He's a little young for a dildo, don't you think?" I asked, as we passed our fifth sex shop. I didn't know where the revenue came from to support them all. There couldn't be that many queers in Pittsburgh buying sex toys… could there?
Daphne giggled. "I'm not getting him a dildo, doofus. It's just up here-I saw it a few weeks ago…"
It turned out that Daphne had found-I didn't know how I'd missed it during all of my trips to Liberty Avenue-a gay baby boutique. They had normal baby things, too, but a hefty majority of their clothes, bibs and blankets bore phrases like "I LOVE MY DADDIES" and "They're raising me gay". Almost everything seemed to have a rainbow on it.
"You're shitting me," I said, when Daphne held up a baby bottle shaped like a penis. "There is no way I'm putting that in my son's mouth."
Daphne shrugged. "His loss."
"Please don't get anything with 'daddies' on it," I said, as she moved on to the bibs. "Brian would think I was talking about him. He'd have a shit-fit."
"What about 'I support gay adoption'?" Daphne asked, fingering a blue bib.
"Luke isn't adopted," I pointed out. I switched the hand I was using to hold his carrier, and Luke giggled as he was swung in a semi-circle.
"Well, he can still support it on principle, can't he?"
"No gay adoption," I said firmly.
Daphne sighed, but moved on. "Ooo! What about this one? 'Jesus killed my gay baby whale'!"
I eyed it contemplatively. "I might be able to live with that one."
Daphne grinned.
I rolled my eyes, and turned my gaze to the window for a moment.
And that was when I saw him.
Kip Thomas. The asshole was walking past the store in a suit, briefcase in hand.
My mind flashed and suddenly it was last night and Brian was unraveling over the phone, swinging wildly between anger and excitement and lust-I was the only one on his side. I was the only one who could help him.
Immediately, a plan snapped together in my mind.
Kip was gay. I was hot. Age of consent was sixteen, but most people thought it was eighteen.
"Justin?" Daphne asked, poking me in the shoulder.
I lifted my arm to hand Luke's carrier over-
Luke.
Reality came crashing down.
There was no way I could go through with my plan. It was too crazy. There were too many risks, and I had to put Luke first. Luke came before Brian.
Fuck.
"I'm fine," I said, tightening my grip on Luke's carrier. "I think Luke's getting tired of being strapped in, though. I'm going to go sit down and hold him for a bit, all right?"
"Sure," Daphne agreed. "Then you won't see what I get him!"
I spared one more glance at the window, exhaled, and pushed last night's conversation with Brian out of my head.
Whatever, trouble Brian was in, I had to think about Luke. Luke had to come first.
Part 15