Under the same sky- a fanfic

[metufanippon]

RATING: none at the moment^^ or more 'I don't know' xD
STATUS: for now a one-shot
GENRE: Romance
PAIRING: guess who^^ + OC
DISCLAIMER: Arashi doesn't belong to me ( unfortunately) all rights on OC are reserved by me-chan

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope everyone can guess who my first ( official) attempt of a fan fiction is about, won't be that difficult,ne.
I was

Comments

[mishiness]

This is a bittersweet one-shot that I would love to continue as an ongoing. I wanna know why he left her 5 years ago. And what has she been doing since then? Obviously, she hasn't forgotten about him and still has feelings for him. There are a few sentences that should be constructed better but overall, you've done a good job. What I love the most was the way you described the mood, the whole atmosphere between the two. And yes, I can picture the scenes out. Great job on the detail. Keep it up. So me-chan! I wanna know more! And it's Jun ne?! NE?!!! ^_^

[metufanippon]

^^ I would like to see it ongoing too!! cause it's actually just a part of the story in my mind.
'That wasn't the last time I saw him,though, but this still seems so unreal.'here i wanted to show that they don't see each other for the first time after 5 years,but that they were 'separated' for some reasons, i didn't want to reveal that,but this way it also didn't come out that well, oh man^^;
you really think my descriptions are good? I thought i drifted too much into a monologue in the end,originally there was not much describing things, i put them in afterwards,ahhh yokatta^^ and i was also thinking i'm too detailed with unimportant things and because of that forgot the main issue!!!
and hmm, is it him or not? XD Of course it's him, but i wanted to create a mystirious atmosphere around him...^^
thanx for reading, hope there'll be more readers^^

[metufanippon]

i just came home from work
actually i have to write a letter of motivation for a scholarship now AND i had a tough day (interwiew for an intership+ b- day von mama.....btw the cake was really zum KOTZEN!!ey paraya yazik bee) AND i worked (yakinda makino gibi overworkingden kalicam bi kösede haa)

hm i think it´s ok if i write it in german coz it´s late and the part of my brain for foreign languages have to sleep
you see i´m writing senseless things..

alsodele madamchen,
ich würde es toll finden wenn du diese nette geschichte ausweiten
würdest, es macht neugiereig, lust auf mehr...
wieso, weshalb, warum
Aber auch als oneshot is es ziemlich gut geworden.
PUNKT
:P

wer fehler findet kann behalten, kein rückgaberecht

[metufanippon]

ehh,letter of motivation for scolarship?? Porque?
u haven't told me bout that and also bout the interview, voll die geheimen geschäfte hier...
hat's deiner mutter wenigstens gefallen?^^ ay bu almanyadaki pastalarda zaten umut yok, nerde türkiye nin pastaneleri
hey makino nun domyoji si var,das ist ein unterschied :( so be careful and ganbatte ne^^
thanx for comment at least
und keine sorge no complaintsXD

[metufanippon]

oh, unuttum
1 mal darfst du raten wer ich bin

[metufanippon]

arigatou FA-CHAN!!!!!!!!^^

[keira_aoi]

I agree with what Mishi said. You have a talent for playing out the scenes and gripping your reader in them. And you know how to build the momentum in your story, which is very important.

There are still some words and sentences that were lost to me and I think that's mostly because you converted this story from another language to English. Ganbatte on the grammar and writing! I hope to read more of this story.

And I really like the title, reminds me of scenes from Hanadan.

[metufanippon]

ahhhhhh keira-chan arigatouuuuuuuuuu xDDD
wow i never expected to hear that i know how to grip the reader , that makes me so happy^^
yes, after i posted i read it again and there were so many stupid mistakes,also because of typing and cause of translating,so i edited it, i think it's better now,but still not perfect english^^;;
yes hanadan^^ first i thought of something very different you kno,ne, but then i thought this has a wider meaning,i hope I'll be able to write those parts where you can see the link to the title^^
so hai ganbarimasu!!!!!!!!!!

[metufanippon]

weeeey me-chan

u are really good but i hope this story will continue...

i'm waiting for the next part

gabetteeeeeeeeeeeeee me-chan ^^

tuchan

[metufanippon]

oioioi tu-chan
thanx for reading and commenting^^
ganbarimasu