Looking into your eyes [Jaemin oneshot]
After this, I should be posting up 'Our Sin Epilogue'. ENJOY!!
They say that by looking at someone, into their eyes, you can see what they are feeling-whether they are frustrated, in pain, in love or simply feeling melancholy. You can learn to read a person with time-by their behavior, their moods, their smiles-everything.
But the eye, the eye can betray a persons’ heart and give away their true feelings, whether they want them to be known or not.
*~*~*~*~*
For as long as he could remember, Shim Changmin (currently 17 years old) has always been bullied, mistreated and feeling terribly lonely.
*~*~*~*~*
At the age of four, young Changmin had been left alone without a family and was made to be brought up at the city orphanage. He was kind to the neighborhood ahjummas who raised him but he was never fully returned the same kindness. Other kids always bullied him, calling him a thief’s son and suicidal son (he never really understood why), pushing him onto the ground-no one helped at all. Changmin often laid in his assigned bed, covering himself up from head to toe with his wool blanket, crying and silently whispering, Umma… Appa… Why’d you leave me?
It was at the age of eight that Changmin finally learned why the other orphaned kids picked on him so much.
“Poor boy. It’s already been four years since his parents died.”
“Four years? What happened?”
“The father used up all their savings to gamble. When he tried to steal money from the company he worked for, he was caught and shot. His poor wife couldn’t deal with the burden of taking care of the boy by herself and so she committed suicide.”
The two ahjummas had not realized that little Changmin had been at the door listening to their conversation until it had been too late and he had hurriedly run away to the safety of his small bed, endless tears streaming down his face.
That night the young boy cried so much that every day after that he became completely withdrawn from everybody. He only spoke when told to and ignored everything else. He would pass whole days either laying in his bed or laying on a hidden field of grass he had found where other kids wouldn’t find him. He did whatever chores he was told to do but a smile was never seen on his face any longer.
On days when couples would come to the orphanage, looking to adopt, Changmin was never chosen. With a single look into his eyes, adults instantly drew back and walked away for his eyes were blank, completely bare of any emotion-he simply showed no life. He never smiled and adults only chose those who gave a cute little smile, spoke with manners and looked as if they wanted to live, those who showed at least some happiness in their eyes.
Four more years were spent in the orphanage until one certain man decided to adopt Changmin with only one condition.
“I’ll take you in. I’ll feed you, clothe you, send you to school, anything you might need to at least live as a normal teenager. All you have to do is listen to everything I say and do anything I so tell you to do.”
Changmin had only given a small, curt nod and the papers were soon signed, his guardian now being a middle aged man known in society as a ruthless and strict man.
Living with Oh Jun wook only brought more despair into Changmin’s heart.
Since the first day he was brought into Jun wook’s household, Changmin was treated as a servant. He was told to cook (even when he had never cooked before) and then spanked when the food was burnt, too salty, too bland, or just simply tasted bad. He was told to do the dishes, clean the house, do laundry, take the trash out-everything. He never complained nor protested-he couldn’t, not when the ruthless man kept his word and fed him, clothed him and sent him to school. Even when his future career had been determined for him, (“You will become a lawyer, just like me, and that is final. If you don’t like it, you can leave.”) he didn’t talk back or protest.
Though he detested being at home, Changmin hated being at school much more. It was like being at the orphanage all over again.
Everyone knew who Changmin’s guardian was and since gossip was always everywhere, everyone learned of Changmin’s dead parents and their actions. At school, he was bullied, called names and pushed around and he could do nothing but take it all (just like being in the orphanage).
His eyes always looked blank to people, showing neither life nor any desire whatsoever to live. However, if anyone would only take the time and really look, they would see so much more.
*~*~*~*~*
“Why does my heart ache for him, Chun?”
Sitting against a railing on the schools’ rooftop were two third-year students. One had blonde hair to the neck, his school shirt and tie undone while the other male had his shoulder-length black hair tied back in a ponytail, his clothes in a similar fashion as his friends’.
“Maybe it’s because you’ve dealt with what he’s dealing with,” the black-haired male said.
“Maybe,” Jaejoong replied. Taking another drag from the cigarette he held in his hand, he wondered out loud, “What should I do?”
Yoochun patted his friends’ shoulder and gave him an assuring smile. “You’ll figure something out.”
*~*~*~*~*
Currently 17 years old and a second-year student, Shim Changmin walked down the student filled hallways heading to his locker.
The same insults were thrown at him from all around, students never growing tired of bullying the orphaned teenager.
Unlocking his locker and opening it, the young male caught sight of a folded piece of paper falling out. He had the urge to throw it away but the bold letters on one side stopped him from doing so.
Don’t throw me away!! Please!
Read me ^_^
Unfolding the sheet of paper after placing his books inside his locker, Changmin began to read.
Why is it that every time I see you, my heart aches for you?
I see you trapped in the path they’ve laid down for you, and my heart breaks.
I ask myself why, and the only answer I can come up with is that it’s because I know what it’s like…
I know what it’s like to have no control over you own life.
I know what it’s like to be controlled; to be pushed down and stepped on; to be beat; to be spat on and flung to the ground-Like a rag doll…I know what it’s like.
My heart aches for you.
I see you trapped, looking for a way out but at last finding none.
You’ve given up on the world as it’s given up on you.
You find an enemy in everyone you meet; I don’t blame you, you have reason to…
But…
What about those who still haven’t turned their back on you?
What about those who want to offer you a hand and raise you up, helping you stand and walk away from your problems, never to look back on them ever again?
What about those who have looked at you, seen a fragile angel with its’ wings broken off, and have wanted to give you new ones, even if its one of their own?
Don’t turn your back on everything and everyone.
Even if it’s only one, there will be someone out there who will help you, protect you, guide you, to a better life.
Changmin could feel his heart waver at the words written on the paper and immediately looked at the students walking all around him, hoping to possibly find whoever wrote those words. It was only when he realized that he had no clue whatsoever to help him find the person, that he sighed and looked back down at the note in his hands.
A few feet away from him, a blonde haired teenager smiled to himself.
*~*~*~*~*
The day after Changmin had received the note in his locker, he actually began to feel hopeful that someone out there could actually care for him and want to help him.
He walked around school with open eyes, hoping to get at least a glimpse of someone who could have possibly written the note.
By the end of classes, a bit of worry etched its’ way into the young male’s heart. What if someone is only playing with me? What if it’s a prank?
He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice a group of three guys heading towards him until it was too late and he bumped into one of them, his frail body falling to the ground due to the impact.
“Well, well, if it isn’t Changmin, the poor orphan boy.”
Looking up at the taller male who had spoken, Changmin recognized him as the leader of the small troupe.
“What do you want, Yunho?” he asked in a bitter tone
“Not much,” Yunho replied with a smirk. “I just wanted to see if you really do what anybody tells you to. Like if I tell you to suck my dick, will you?”
Changmin shook his head in disgust and grunted when one of Yunho’s followers kicked him the stomach.
Knowing he could never stand a chance, Changmin could only close his eyes and wait for the beating he was sure to get.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
At hearing an unfamiliar voice and not feeling any hits landing on his body, the young male on the ground slowly opened his eyes and saw Yunho with his fist raised in the air as if ready to hit something, lower it and take a step back.
“Kim Jaejoong?” Yunho asked as he turned to face the newcomer. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I asked you first Yunho and I want a fucking answer,” Jaejoong angrily replied.
“Just wanted to have some fun with the poor orphan boy,” Yunho smirked.
It seemed to happen so quickly when Jaejoong took a few steps forward and punched Yunho square in the jaw.
Yunho fell to the ground, cupping his throbbing jaw and he hissed. “What the fuck Kim?”
“Changmin is with me from now on,” Jaejoong calmly replied. “I don’t know why you treat him like shit when you yourself are an orphan too, Yunho.” Ignoring the gasps from Yunho’s followers and the angry glare from Yunho himself, Jaejoong continued. “If I hear about you touching him one bit, I will come after you and not let you go so easily.”
Knowing he stood no chance against Jaejoong (who was a very strong person and known for winning many fights), even with two followers, Yunho stood up and began to walk away.
Still on the ground, Changmin heaved a sigh of relief when he saw Yunho and the two other students leave.
“You need a hand?”
Turning to face the soft voice, Changmin widened his eyes when he saw the older male up close. He’s fucking beautiful, he said in his mind as he took in the blondes’ gentle features.
Finally having a chance to look at Changmin straight on, Jaejoong gazed into the younger’s eyes and saw what many others hadn’t taken the time to really see.
Someone…save me. Save me from my despair.
Heartache, misery, sadness, worry-all these emotions Jaejoong could see in the younger’s eyes and with the small hint of hope he saw, he knew it was up to him to help the younger.
Looking at the older male, Changmin drew in a breath when he saw the latter stretch out his arm, offering his hand, his help. It’s him, he guessed in his mind as looked at the outstretched hand. It has to be him, he wrote it.
“If you need help, I’m here. If there are any problems you have, come with me, I can help you deal with them and overcome them.”
Hearing those words coming from Jaejoong, Changmin finally smiled, a true one. His eyes became mismatched, relief and a new found happiness evident in them. He slowly raised his hand and felt a tinge of electricity shoot up through his body when their hands touched and Jaejoong raised him up, helping him to stand.
“I’m Jaejoong. Kim Jaejoong.”
“You wrote that note, right?” Changmin breathlessly asked.
A wide smile appeared on the older’s face and he covered his mouth, a habit he had, and nodded. “You can rely on me, Changmin. If you need strength, I’ll give it to you. If you want a friend, I’ll be your friend. If you need advice, I’ll be there, offering it. If you want love, I can show it to you. Trust me, Changmin.”
“I want to,” Changmin breathed out after a moment.
Jaejoong smiled at the younger male and softly tugged on their joined hands. “Let’s go,” he said.
Changmin nodded with a smile and with his hand still in the other’s hold, he walked forward, walking away from his problems, never wanting to look back on them again. And as he followed behind Jaejoong, he could faintly see two angelic wings appearing on the latter’s back, the two spreading out, looking so beautiful in the sunlight. And in a second, one faded away and he soon felt a soft tinge of warmth on his back. Turning his head, he could faintly see the same wing that had faded from Jaejoong’s back, now on his own.
What about those who want to offer you a hand and raise you up, helping you stand and walk away from your problems, never to look back on them ever again?
What about those who have looked at you, seen a fragile angel with its’ wings broken off, and have wanted to give you new ones, even if its one of their own?
Don’t turn your back on everything and everyone.
Even if it’s only one, there will be someone out there who will help you, protect you, guide you, to a better life.
They say that by looking at someone, into their eyes, you can see what they are feeling-whether they are frustrated, in pain, in love or simply feeling melancholy. You can learn to read a person with time-by their behavior, their moods, their smiles-everything.
But the eye, the eye can betray a persons’ heart and give away their true feelings, whether they want them to be known or not.
*~*~*~*~*
For as long as he could remember, Shim Changmin (currently 17 years old) has always been bullied, mistreated and feeling terribly lonely.
*~*~*~*~*
At the age of four, young Changmin had been left alone without a family and was made to be brought up at the city orphanage. He was kind to the neighborhood ahjummas who raised him but he was never fully returned the same kindness. Other kids always bullied him, calling him a thief’s son and suicidal son (he never really understood why), pushing him onto the ground-no one helped at all. Changmin often laid in his assigned bed, covering himself up from head to toe with his wool blanket, crying and silently whispering, Umma… Appa… Why’d you leave me?
It was at the age of eight that Changmin finally learned why the other orphaned kids picked on him so much.
“Poor boy. It’s already been four years since his parents died.”
“Four years? What happened?”
“The father used up all their savings to gamble. When he tried to steal money from the company he worked for, he was caught and shot. His poor wife couldn’t deal with the burden of taking care of the boy by herself and so she committed suicide.”
The two ahjummas had not realized that little Changmin had been at the door listening to their conversation until it had been too late and he had hurriedly run away to the safety of his small bed, endless tears streaming down his face.
That night the young boy cried so much that every day after that he became completely withdrawn from everybody. He only spoke when told to and ignored everything else. He would pass whole days either laying in his bed or laying on a hidden field of grass he had found where other kids wouldn’t find him. He did whatever chores he was told to do but a smile was never seen on his face any longer.
On days when couples would come to the orphanage, looking to adopt, Changmin was never chosen. With a single look into his eyes, adults instantly drew back and walked away for his eyes were blank, completely bare of any emotion-he simply showed no life. He never smiled and adults only chose those who gave a cute little smile, spoke with manners and looked as if they wanted to live, those who showed at least some happiness in their eyes.
Four more years were spent in the orphanage until one certain man decided to adopt Changmin with only one condition.
“I’ll take you in. I’ll feed you, clothe you, send you to school, anything you might need to at least live as a normal teenager. All you have to do is listen to everything I say and do anything I so tell you to do.”
Changmin had only given a small, curt nod and the papers were soon signed, his guardian now being a middle aged man known in society as a ruthless and strict man.
Living with Oh Jun wook only brought more despair into Changmin’s heart.
Since the first day he was brought into Jun wook’s household, Changmin was treated as a servant. He was told to cook (even when he had never cooked before) and then spanked when the food was burnt, too salty, too bland, or just simply tasted bad. He was told to do the dishes, clean the house, do laundry, take the trash out-everything. He never complained nor protested-he couldn’t, not when the ruthless man kept his word and fed him, clothed him and sent him to school. Even when his future career had been determined for him, (“You will become a lawyer, just like me, and that is final. If you don’t like it, you can leave.”) he didn’t talk back or protest.
Though he detested being at home, Changmin hated being at school much more. It was like being at the orphanage all over again.
Everyone knew who Changmin’s guardian was and since gossip was always everywhere, everyone learned of Changmin’s dead parents and their actions. At school, he was bullied, called names and pushed around and he could do nothing but take it all (just like being in the orphanage).
His eyes always looked blank to people, showing neither life nor any desire whatsoever to live. However, if anyone would only take the time and really look, they would see so much more.
*~*~*~*~*
“Why does my heart ache for him, Chun?”
Sitting against a railing on the schools’ rooftop were two third-year students. One had blonde hair to the neck, his school shirt and tie undone while the other male had his shoulder-length black hair tied back in a ponytail, his clothes in a similar fashion as his friends’.
“Maybe it’s because you’ve dealt with what he’s dealing with,” the black-haired male said.
“Maybe,” Jaejoong replied. Taking another drag from the cigarette he held in his hand, he wondered out loud, “What should I do?”
Yoochun patted his friends’ shoulder and gave him an assuring smile. “You’ll figure something out.”
*~*~*~*~*
Currently 17 years old and a second-year student, Shim Changmin walked down the student filled hallways heading to his locker.
The same insults were thrown at him from all around, students never growing tired of bullying the orphaned teenager.
Unlocking his locker and opening it, the young male caught sight of a folded piece of paper falling out. He had the urge to throw it away but the bold letters on one side stopped him from doing so.
Don’t throw me away!! Please!
Read me ^_^
Unfolding the sheet of paper after placing his books inside his locker, Changmin began to read.
Why is it that every time I see you, my heart aches for you?
I see you trapped in the path they’ve laid down for you, and my heart breaks.
I ask myself why, and the only answer I can come up with is that it’s because I know what it’s like…
I know what it’s like to have no control over you own life.
I know what it’s like to be controlled; to be pushed down and stepped on; to be beat; to be spat on and flung to the ground-Like a rag doll…I know what it’s like.
My heart aches for you.
I see you trapped, looking for a way out but at last finding none.
You’ve given up on the world as it’s given up on you.
You find an enemy in everyone you meet; I don’t blame you, you have reason to…
But…
What about those who still haven’t turned their back on you?
What about those who want to offer you a hand and raise you up, helping you stand and walk away from your problems, never to look back on them ever again?
What about those who have looked at you, seen a fragile angel with its’ wings broken off, and have wanted to give you new ones, even if its one of their own?
Don’t turn your back on everything and everyone.
Even if it’s only one, there will be someone out there who will help you, protect you, guide you, to a better life.
Changmin could feel his heart waver at the words written on the paper and immediately looked at the students walking all around him, hoping to possibly find whoever wrote those words. It was only when he realized that he had no clue whatsoever to help him find the person, that he sighed and looked back down at the note in his hands.
A few feet away from him, a blonde haired teenager smiled to himself.
*~*~*~*~*
The day after Changmin had received the note in his locker, he actually began to feel hopeful that someone out there could actually care for him and want to help him.
He walked around school with open eyes, hoping to get at least a glimpse of someone who could have possibly written the note.
By the end of classes, a bit of worry etched its’ way into the young male’s heart. What if someone is only playing with me? What if it’s a prank?
He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice a group of three guys heading towards him until it was too late and he bumped into one of them, his frail body falling to the ground due to the impact.
“Well, well, if it isn’t Changmin, the poor orphan boy.”
Looking up at the taller male who had spoken, Changmin recognized him as the leader of the small troupe.
“What do you want, Yunho?” he asked in a bitter tone
“Not much,” Yunho replied with a smirk. “I just wanted to see if you really do what anybody tells you to. Like if I tell you to suck my dick, will you?”
Changmin shook his head in disgust and grunted when one of Yunho’s followers kicked him the stomach.
Knowing he could never stand a chance, Changmin could only close his eyes and wait for the beating he was sure to get.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
At hearing an unfamiliar voice and not feeling any hits landing on his body, the young male on the ground slowly opened his eyes and saw Yunho with his fist raised in the air as if ready to hit something, lower it and take a step back.
“Kim Jaejoong?” Yunho asked as he turned to face the newcomer. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I asked you first Yunho and I want a fucking answer,” Jaejoong angrily replied.
“Just wanted to have some fun with the poor orphan boy,” Yunho smirked.
It seemed to happen so quickly when Jaejoong took a few steps forward and punched Yunho square in the jaw.
Yunho fell to the ground, cupping his throbbing jaw and he hissed. “What the fuck Kim?”
“Changmin is with me from now on,” Jaejoong calmly replied. “I don’t know why you treat him like shit when you yourself are an orphan too, Yunho.” Ignoring the gasps from Yunho’s followers and the angry glare from Yunho himself, Jaejoong continued. “If I hear about you touching him one bit, I will come after you and not let you go so easily.”
Knowing he stood no chance against Jaejoong (who was a very strong person and known for winning many fights), even with two followers, Yunho stood up and began to walk away.
Still on the ground, Changmin heaved a sigh of relief when he saw Yunho and the two other students leave.
“You need a hand?”
Turning to face the soft voice, Changmin widened his eyes when he saw the older male up close. He’s fucking beautiful, he said in his mind as he took in the blondes’ gentle features.
Finally having a chance to look at Changmin straight on, Jaejoong gazed into the younger’s eyes and saw what many others hadn’t taken the time to really see.
Someone…save me. Save me from my despair.
Heartache, misery, sadness, worry-all these emotions Jaejoong could see in the younger’s eyes and with the small hint of hope he saw, he knew it was up to him to help the younger.
Looking at the older male, Changmin drew in a breath when he saw the latter stretch out his arm, offering his hand, his help. It’s him, he guessed in his mind as looked at the outstretched hand. It has to be him, he wrote it.
“If you need help, I’m here. If there are any problems you have, come with me, I can help you deal with them and overcome them.”
Hearing those words coming from Jaejoong, Changmin finally smiled, a true one. His eyes became mismatched, relief and a new found happiness evident in them. He slowly raised his hand and felt a tinge of electricity shoot up through his body when their hands touched and Jaejoong raised him up, helping him to stand.
“I’m Jaejoong. Kim Jaejoong.”
“You wrote that note, right?” Changmin breathlessly asked.
A wide smile appeared on the older’s face and he covered his mouth, a habit he had, and nodded. “You can rely on me, Changmin. If you need strength, I’ll give it to you. If you want a friend, I’ll be your friend. If you need advice, I’ll be there, offering it. If you want love, I can show it to you. Trust me, Changmin.”
“I want to,” Changmin breathed out after a moment.
Jaejoong smiled at the younger male and softly tugged on their joined hands. “Let’s go,” he said.
Changmin nodded with a smile and with his hand still in the other’s hold, he walked forward, walking away from his problems, never wanting to look back on them again. And as he followed behind Jaejoong, he could faintly see two angelic wings appearing on the latter’s back, the two spreading out, looking so beautiful in the sunlight. And in a second, one faded away and he soon felt a soft tinge of warmth on his back. Turning his head, he could faintly see the same wing that had faded from Jaejoong’s back, now on his own.
What about those who want to offer you a hand and raise you up, helping you stand and walk away from your problems, never to look back on them ever again?
What about those who have looked at you, seen a fragile angel with its’ wings broken off, and have wanted to give you new ones, even if its one of their own?
Don’t turn your back on everything and everyone.
Even if it’s only one, there will be someone out there who will help you, protect you, guide you, to a better life.