Rain
Title: Rain
Author: mexicananallama
Pairing: Yoochun & Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: Yoochun would wish the rain away just to see Jaejoong smile.
A/N: Dedicated to be_ddelusionall for her Birthday. Sorry it was a bit late hun, and I hope you like it.
Yoochun hurried into his apartment, rushing to take off his soaked shoes and clothes, the rain having caught him by surprise as he walked home from work. He was on his way to his bedroom when an oh-so-familiar figure by the wall-length windows in the living room caught his eye. “Jae,” he said with a smile, “I’m home.”
Not hearing a reply, the young male shrugged and made his way to his room where he removed the rest of his clothes and put dry ones on. He made his way back out to the living room and took his place behind his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around the other’s slim waist. “Hey, babe.”
Jaejoong’s gaze never faltered as he answered. “Welcome home.”
The other’s voice was so empty and low that Yoochun’s eyebrows furrowed in worry. Placing his head on the older’s shoulder, he asked, “What’s wrong, Jae? Did something happen?”
“Did you know, Chun? Some people say the rain washes away ones’ sins and errors; cleans them.” Jaejoong let out a sigh. “If it were only that simple.”
Yoochun pondered on the other’s words, especially the empty tone it had been said in and turned his boyfriend in his arms so they could face each other. “What’s wrong, Jae? What happened?” he softly asked.
Though Jaejoong was keeping eye contact with him, Yoochun felt the other wasn’t really with him. His eyes were so cold and unresponsive.
“It’s nothing,” Jaejoong said with his head bowed. “It’s nothing, just a load of bullshit.”
The other’s straight face caused Yoochun to worry more when his boyfriend left the living room and headed to their bedroom. “It might just be the rain,” he whispered to himself trying to convince his heart and mind that it was only because of the gloomy day and heavy rain.
Just to see your smile, I’ll wish the rain away, Yoochun said in his mind, turning to stare out the window, staring at the falling rain and doing as he mentally said, wishing the rain away, if only to see Jaejoong smile.
It wasn’t until two months later that Yoochun finally understood what was wrong with his boyfriend. It wasn’t the gloomy rainy season, but rather a co-worker from the bookstore, a tall and handsome male, Changmin. And as Yoochun stood outside the window, looking in, he felt his heart deeply ache as he realized he hadn’t seen his boyfriend’s bright smile in such a long time. And to witness the smile being caused by another male, Yoochun bitterly laughed, shaking his head, wondering to himself how he hadn’t realized sooner. Jaejoong, his best friend since high school and lover for the past four years was in love. Not with him, but with Changmin.
So the young male outside the store shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way back to their shared apartment, a frown etched on his face the whole way.
Yoochun heard the door of the apartment open, just as he also heard his lover softly speak on the phone.
“I have to hang up, Min, I’m at home…All right…Yea, tomorrow…Okay, bye… Love you too.”
He had left the lights off after arriving, so as Yoochun thought, Jaejoong didn’t know he was in the living room until he turned on the floor lamp by the couch he sat on, startling the male who walked in.
“Yoochun, you’re here,” Jaejoong said when he saw the other male, sliding his phone in his pants pocket. “The lights were out, I thought-“
“How long?”
Jaejoong’s eyes shot up in confusion before he lowered his gaze as he realized the other had heard him on the phone.
“Jaejoong, how long? I don’t want to fight with you; just tell me.”
The wind outside started to pick up and thunder began to crack in the sky, a storm coming in.
“Jae, how long? Please, don’t you think you owe me at least that much?” Yoochun asked once more.
“Almost a year and a half,” Jaejoong whispered when he raised his head and looked at the other, knowing it was no use lying. “I’ve been with him for a year and a half. We were just friends first but then, we both wanted more than just friendship.”
Yoochun could feel his throat tighten up and tears wanting to fall. “Why?”
“I love him,” came the other’s simple yet heavy response.
“I thought you loved me.” Yoochun’s hands were trembling as he gripped the couch’s’ handles, hearing another rumble of thunder.
“I do love you, Chun,” Jaejoong said as he neared the sitting male. “But I love Changmin more. He makes me laugh. We’re always doing dumb and crazy things, not like the routine ones you and I do. When I’m with you, I know what to expect from you, what we’re going to do each day. With him, it’s unpredictable. He drives me crazy one day, mad the next, happy the other. I smile with him; I haven’t felt this happy in such a long time.”
Yoochun kept silent even as the other crouched by his side and took hold of his hand.
“Chun,” Jaejoong said, stroking the hand in his own, “I never wanted to hurt you. Believe me.”
A bitter chuckle left the younger’s lips. “Didn’t want to hurt me,” Yoochun repeated in disbelief. “You should have told me earlier on, told me you were bored with me, instead of going behind my back.”
With that, the young male stood up and walked towards the door. With his back to the other, he stopped at the door. “If you’re happier with him, you’d do better to move out of here and go live with him.”
“Chun, I’m sorry,” Jaejoog pleaded, hating himself for having hurt his best friend. “I didn’t want to betray you, but I couldn’t help it. I love you, I really do. You’ve been my best friend for so long now and I didn’t want to hurt you. Please, don’t break off what we have. Please. I’ll, I’ll break up with him,” he whispered in a wavering voice. “If it makes you happy, if it keeps us together, I’ll break up with him.”
Yoochun turned to face the other male who had now stood up and was only a few feet from him. “You know the funny thing, Jae?” he asked with a bitter smile. “If you would have told me, I would have let you go without a fight, and there wouldn’t have been a need for you to betray me.” And he turned the knob and walked out, the image of Jaejoong’s tears carved in his mind as he made his way down to the street.
The rain was heavy, thunder loud and powerful. Couple, workers, teenagers hurried along the sidewalk, covering themselves with an umbrella, book or coat. All hurried to get to a safe and dry place unlike Yoochun.
With his hood over his head and his hands in his front pockets, he walked, letting his tears freely fall.
Anyone who passed the male shook their head at him, thinking he was stupid for risking getting sick, yet he didn’t care. Everyone mistook his tears as raindrops, not knowing the pain he was feeling in his heart.
As he walked, Yoochun reminisced the times he had spent with Jaejoong. The two had hit it off pretty well in high school and had gone on to college together, sharing an apartment. They had kissed one night after a night out; both were drunk and woke up the next morning, naked under the covers of Jaejoong’s bed. The way their bodies fit together and the way they both felt right being in each others’ arms was the beginning of their relationship as lovers, after having been best friends and roommates for six years.
Yoochun loved the other and he knew that what he had said to Jaejoong wasn’t a lie. If Jaejoong would have talked to him, explained to him how he had fallen out of love or was tired of their predictable relationship, Yoochun would have understood. If Jaejoong would have taken the time to tell him that he had fallen in love with someone else, Yoochun would have let him go. Though he knew he would be hurt and sad, he loved Jaejoong enough to let him go, to free him; give him a chance at happiness even if it wasn’t with him. And even though Jaejoong had said he would break it up with Changmin if it meant they could stay together, Yoochun knew he couldn’t ask for that. He knew, in his heart and mind that if he would ask that of Jaejoong, the other wouldn’t be happy, he would be sad and depressed and Yoochun would rather have him happy and in love than sad and heartbroken.
But Jaejoong hadn’t taken the time, Yoochun reasoned with himself. Instead of having talked to him, Jaejoong had betrayed him. He had gone behind his back and left him in the dark. Yoochun knew he would one day come to forgive Jaejoong, because he loved him, but at the moment couldn’t bring himself to see the other, didn’t want to be in the same place with him. The young male treasured their friendship, cared deeply for the other and was willing to be a friend or brother to Jaejoong, but not yet…No, not yet.
Walking aimlessly, Yoochun continued to shed tears, for once not wishing the rain away, but rather thankful that no one could tell he was crying.
You know you truly love someone when you want him to be happy, even if his happiness means that you’re not a part of it. -Unknown