Worthy Sacrifice [chapter 6]
a/n: aaayyyy~~~~ sorry for waiting too long. kinda busy these past few weeks OTL i hope you like this chapter :/ and um... can someone here help me to be my beta? ><' PM me if you can
CHAPTER 6
Sunny humming cutely as she playing with her finger nails. We are waiting for Taeyeon who ordered some food for our lunch. I look outside the window when a freezing breeze makes some of the abandon newspaper fly away from the street to the road.
Taecyeon didn’t call or text me for the past two days and that makes me wondered why he didn’t doing it anymore. I bit my lower lip. It could be a good sign or a bad sign? I mean, my days are so perfect without his threat but horrible at the same time. I didn’t see him yesterday at the tv station while his group is filming variety show. I wonder when he is going.
Taeyeon sits beside Sunny when the waiter put our lunch foods at the table and bowed before he goes back to his previous spot; behind the waiter’s table. The short haired girl smiles like a little hungry child with her chopstick on her grip. Sunny look at her chuckle a little bit. I look at the foods, are all mouthwatering but I don’t feel I want to eat.
“You are not going to eat?” Taeyeon ask with her mouth full, eyes glue on her plate of food. I shook my head. “You should eat. You have 2 schedules to go.”
“And you gave Sooyoung your breakfast.” Sunny takes a sip of her tea.
“I’m not hungry.”
Taeyeon took a glace of me and straightened her sit before she put her chopstick and stare at me with her arms crossed on the table. I lift my eyebrows at her.
“What?”
“I know there’s something you keep from me and the other girls.”
I look at Sunny from the corner of my eyes and she shrugged.
“What is it?”
I let out a sigh before took my chopstick and eat the meat that lay like surrender on the plate in front of me.
“It’s nothing. I’m doing just fine with everything.” I said not looking at her.
It’s useless. Taeyeon is good enough to read me even though I already try my best to hide everything with smile or cold gaze of mine. I don’t want her to know about this, Taeyeon wouldn’t stop to help me, and that’s makes me even worried. She still has her eyes on me and I give up. I put down the chopstick and I caress my temple. I had my eyes close and let out a heavy sigh.
“If I told you, promise me that you wouldn’t mad at me.” I open my eyes and see her nods. I take a look at Sunny who stop from eating and sit uncomfortably on the chair. “I don’t know where to start.” I said hopeless.
Taeyeon smile warmly at me and patted my shoulder. “Just tell me everything.”
***
The kid leader groans as her fingers turn into fists. She is angry, but she doesn’t know which one she should angry with. Now, she definitely hates Taecyeon as much as I do.
This is horrible, my life is horrible. It was all perfect life until I realize my feeling for Tiffany is more than just a friendship feeling. It grew up so fast as Tiffany always spend most of the night talked with me or laughing or whatever it was to drive us to sleep. And those beautiful nights are all gone when she falling into a deep deep love with Taecyeon.
Also, my heart was broke into tiny pieces. Love is blind, I know. But her love for Taecyeon is a little bit too much. It was abnormal. Even though she’s already mine, but I still wondering if her love for me is the same as her love for Taecyeon.
“Why don’t you tell me?? it’s getting worse, Sica! He was slapped you! Almost raping you! And all you do is keeping this for your own self??” Taeyeon scoff. “What’s in your head, Jessica?? Are you nuts??”
Sunny just keep her mum as she rubbed the kid leader’s back comforting. I let out a heavy sigh as I close my eyes and lean on the back seat.
“You help me most of the time, Tae. And I know you; you wouldn’t stop until you risk your own life too. I don’t want that to happen.” I answer calmly.
“Sooyeon, I’m the leader of the group! Whatever it would be, you have to tell it!” she bit her lower lip to help her on hold her anger calming down.
I looked at outside the window and sigh. “It’ll be no different.” I said. I can hear Taeyeon hissed a ‘what?’ in disbelieve. I look at her frowned face slightly.
“It’ll be no different, Kim Taeyeon. What could you do? Changing Tiffany’s mind from loving Taecyeon to hating him? Makes her love me in the first place? Beat the jerk to get off of me and Tiffany?” I look at her again with my cold gaze, eyes boring. Sunny shook her head; warn me to stop because Taeyeon seems not gonna hold on her anger any longer. “What would you do?”
“Did you just tell me that I’m a useless leader who can do nothing??” It was sharp. Her words tremble by the anger.
I should just stop talk to her and let her do whatever she wants to doing her ‘leader’ job. But to be honest, with or without her help, it will be no different. Taecyeon is not a kid who gonna stop his threat just because I gave him a candy or balloon. Taeyeon didn’t see it. She doesn’t know anything about him. I didn’t say that she’s useless, it’s just no different if she helps me or not.
“I didn’t say that.” I stood up, took my belongings and exited the restaurant.
Taeyeon gripped on my wrist and turn me around - makes me stop at the door. I look at her sharply, the white side on her eyes are burning red. She’s feel betrayed by my words back then. Sunny looks worried as she whispers to us.
“Please guys, not here. Not now. They’re looking at us.”
I look around and found couples of eyes staring at us. Clearing my throat, I jerk Taeyeon’s grip and walk towards our white van, opened its door and buried myself at the very back seat.
***
“Jessica!!” Taeyeon yells at me when I jerk her gripped for the second times this afternoon.
I walk towards my room when the other girls in the dorm stops their activities and looking at us with questioning gaze. When I about to open my room door, the older girl spun me around and gripped on my shoulders tight. Push me to the wall so I can’t move. Sunny keep on trying to separating us at the time we get off of the van until now.
“What the hell, Tae?!” I yell at her. “Don’t you get it?? I told you to not mad, but look at you now! What the hell is wrong with you?!” I struggle at her grip, and when she loosened it a little bit, I jerk her hand as I freeing myself.
“Jessica, Stop it!” Sunny shouted at me.
I look at her sharply. “Oh, you’re now at her side?? Yelling and shouting at me like this is my own fault?!”
“What?? I try to be a good guy here! What’s wrong with you, Sica??”
I pointed at Taeyeon. “You started this! I should not tell you anything in the first place!”
Taeyeon hit her limit. “I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU!” Now came her yell.
I feel hot on my eyes, tears about to fall because of this mixed feeling in me. Fingers turn into fists.
“IT WILL BE NO DIFFERENT!! WHY DON’T YOU GET IT?! WHY DON’T EVEYONE GET IT?! I JUST DON’T WANT TO RISK YOUR LIFE!!” tears finally stream down my face like a waterfall as my vision became all blur. Sobs exited my mouth. “I want all of you to be safe!!”
That was when the whole dorm all quiet. No sounds like a cemetery, not even a sound of breath. I kneel down with my palm covering my face. Sobbing hard until I can feel someone rubbing my back. I thought it was Sunny, but when I take a peek, it’s Tiffany who just got home but none of us notice her. She pulls me to her embrace and I buried my face onto her chest.
“Sshh… It’s okay, Jessi. I’m here.”
***
Rrrrttt
Rrrrttt
Rrrrttt
I open my eyes a little bit in hope to find my phone in the dark. Crying all the time on Tiffany’s hug sends me this awesome headache. I can feel my eyes swollen when I try to open it. I found my phone under the blanket and without look at the screen, I pick it up.
“Hello?” I said, faintly as I look at the empty side beside me. I heard a chuckle and I shot my eyes open. It’s him.
“You sound not really good.” He laughs a little. “Do you miss me?”
I keep silent as I sigh and close my eyes, but my heart thumping like mad. I’m afraid.
“Have a good fight with Taeyeon?” and come his laugh.
I shot my eyes open again and sit. “H-how did you know?”
“I told you I know everything.” He chuckle. “Is it about me? I mean my threat on you?”
I didn’t answer him. “Jessica Jessica Jessica, why did you let her know about this? The whole girls will know as well.”
“Shut up.”
He laughs, again. “Don’t be so harsh Jessica. Oh, and by the way, I’m back. Let’s play games again.”
I ended the call immediately as throw my phone onto the bed and stood up. I made my way outside the room. Groans escape my mouth when I feel my head spinning like mad. I’m ready to puke anytime soon. I could barely hear anything as my gripped on the door knob behind me tightened. Silly isn’t it? First, I fought with the leader. Second, I end up crying in Tiffany’s hug which the girl is didn’t even know what’s going on. Third, waking up by the call from someone I hated so much and the headache makes it even worse. What a life.
I opened my eyes slowly and I can see the rest of my group gather at the living room; hands holding each other as a support. I heard sniffs, and sobs. Let out a heavy sigh, I close my eyes and watch them from afar. Tiffany has her head buried on Sunny’s neck as the shorter girl hugged her tight. Does it affect them this much? I mean, I’m not dead yet but they’re already this sad. This is my fault again, and I’ve been wondering for the rest of the day; when will I not make any trouble again with this love inside of me? I feel so useless.
Taeyeon notice my presence and I smile at her, walk towards her direction and sit right beside her. She smiles, warmly as she makes her fingers to comb my hair. I look at her swollen eyes and wipe the tears that about to fall from her eyes. Frown, I hugged her as I cry. Feeling sorry for what I had did to her back then. For yelled at her, for not look at her as a leader but friend.
I can feel her hands wrap me tight and her chin rest against my head. I want to utter my thanks to her but my mouth can’t even stop from hiccupped. I don’t even know why it’s so hard just to win Tiffany’s love, to make her fully mine without any image of Taecyeon in her mind. Why? Why did I do until I have to feel this way? This is too hard, really. But I don’t want to give up. Not until she tells me to stop.
Taeyeon pulled the hug and stares into my eyes. She smiles. “It’s okay, I understand.” She patted my head and whisper. “I’ll be always by your side no matter what. I’ll help you to win her love.”
I hug her for the last time before I turn my body to facing Tiffany. Hard look. Trails of tears visible on her fragile yet beautiful face. She shook her head as she buried her face onto her bare palms. I smile weakly to her and hugged her thin frame. Her arms around my neck and her face buried at the same place as her hands.
“Why?” She asked faintly between her sobs.
I kissed her on the top of her head as I whisper to her ear. “Because you worth everything in my life.”
TBC
CHAPTER 6
Sunny humming cutely as she playing with her finger nails. We are waiting for Taeyeon who ordered some food for our lunch. I look outside the window when a freezing breeze makes some of the abandon newspaper fly away from the street to the road.
Taecyeon didn’t call or text me for the past two days and that makes me wondered why he didn’t doing it anymore. I bit my lower lip. It could be a good sign or a bad sign? I mean, my days are so perfect without his threat but horrible at the same time. I didn’t see him yesterday at the tv station while his group is filming variety show. I wonder when he is going.
Taeyeon sits beside Sunny when the waiter put our lunch foods at the table and bowed before he goes back to his previous spot; behind the waiter’s table. The short haired girl smiles like a little hungry child with her chopstick on her grip. Sunny look at her chuckle a little bit. I look at the foods, are all mouthwatering but I don’t feel I want to eat.
“You are not going to eat?” Taeyeon ask with her mouth full, eyes glue on her plate of food. I shook my head. “You should eat. You have 2 schedules to go.”
“And you gave Sooyoung your breakfast.” Sunny takes a sip of her tea.
“I’m not hungry.”
Taeyeon took a glace of me and straightened her sit before she put her chopstick and stare at me with her arms crossed on the table. I lift my eyebrows at her.
“What?”
“I know there’s something you keep from me and the other girls.”
I look at Sunny from the corner of my eyes and she shrugged.
“What is it?”
I let out a sigh before took my chopstick and eat the meat that lay like surrender on the plate in front of me.
“It’s nothing. I’m doing just fine with everything.” I said not looking at her.
It’s useless. Taeyeon is good enough to read me even though I already try my best to hide everything with smile or cold gaze of mine. I don’t want her to know about this, Taeyeon wouldn’t stop to help me, and that’s makes me even worried. She still has her eyes on me and I give up. I put down the chopstick and I caress my temple. I had my eyes close and let out a heavy sigh.
“If I told you, promise me that you wouldn’t mad at me.” I open my eyes and see her nods. I take a look at Sunny who stop from eating and sit uncomfortably on the chair. “I don’t know where to start.” I said hopeless.
Taeyeon smile warmly at me and patted my shoulder. “Just tell me everything.”
***
The kid leader groans as her fingers turn into fists. She is angry, but she doesn’t know which one she should angry with. Now, she definitely hates Taecyeon as much as I do.
This is horrible, my life is horrible. It was all perfect life until I realize my feeling for Tiffany is more than just a friendship feeling. It grew up so fast as Tiffany always spend most of the night talked with me or laughing or whatever it was to drive us to sleep. And those beautiful nights are all gone when she falling into a deep deep love with Taecyeon.
Also, my heart was broke into tiny pieces. Love is blind, I know. But her love for Taecyeon is a little bit too much. It was abnormal. Even though she’s already mine, but I still wondering if her love for me is the same as her love for Taecyeon.
“Why don’t you tell me?? it’s getting worse, Sica! He was slapped you! Almost raping you! And all you do is keeping this for your own self??” Taeyeon scoff. “What’s in your head, Jessica?? Are you nuts??”
Sunny just keep her mum as she rubbed the kid leader’s back comforting. I let out a heavy sigh as I close my eyes and lean on the back seat.
“You help me most of the time, Tae. And I know you; you wouldn’t stop until you risk your own life too. I don’t want that to happen.” I answer calmly.
“Sooyeon, I’m the leader of the group! Whatever it would be, you have to tell it!” she bit her lower lip to help her on hold her anger calming down.
I looked at outside the window and sigh. “It’ll be no different.” I said. I can hear Taeyeon hissed a ‘what?’ in disbelieve. I look at her frowned face slightly.
“It’ll be no different, Kim Taeyeon. What could you do? Changing Tiffany’s mind from loving Taecyeon to hating him? Makes her love me in the first place? Beat the jerk to get off of me and Tiffany?” I look at her again with my cold gaze, eyes boring. Sunny shook her head; warn me to stop because Taeyeon seems not gonna hold on her anger any longer. “What would you do?”
“Did you just tell me that I’m a useless leader who can do nothing??” It was sharp. Her words tremble by the anger.
I should just stop talk to her and let her do whatever she wants to doing her ‘leader’ job. But to be honest, with or without her help, it will be no different. Taecyeon is not a kid who gonna stop his threat just because I gave him a candy or balloon. Taeyeon didn’t see it. She doesn’t know anything about him. I didn’t say that she’s useless, it’s just no different if she helps me or not.
“I didn’t say that.” I stood up, took my belongings and exited the restaurant.
Taeyeon gripped on my wrist and turn me around - makes me stop at the door. I look at her sharply, the white side on her eyes are burning red. She’s feel betrayed by my words back then. Sunny looks worried as she whispers to us.
“Please guys, not here. Not now. They’re looking at us.”
I look around and found couples of eyes staring at us. Clearing my throat, I jerk Taeyeon’s grip and walk towards our white van, opened its door and buried myself at the very back seat.
***
“Jessica!!” Taeyeon yells at me when I jerk her gripped for the second times this afternoon.
I walk towards my room when the other girls in the dorm stops their activities and looking at us with questioning gaze. When I about to open my room door, the older girl spun me around and gripped on my shoulders tight. Push me to the wall so I can’t move. Sunny keep on trying to separating us at the time we get off of the van until now.
“What the hell, Tae?!” I yell at her. “Don’t you get it?? I told you to not mad, but look at you now! What the hell is wrong with you?!” I struggle at her grip, and when she loosened it a little bit, I jerk her hand as I freeing myself.
“Jessica, Stop it!” Sunny shouted at me.
I look at her sharply. “Oh, you’re now at her side?? Yelling and shouting at me like this is my own fault?!”
“What?? I try to be a good guy here! What’s wrong with you, Sica??”
I pointed at Taeyeon. “You started this! I should not tell you anything in the first place!”
Taeyeon hit her limit. “I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU!” Now came her yell.
I feel hot on my eyes, tears about to fall because of this mixed feeling in me. Fingers turn into fists.
“IT WILL BE NO DIFFERENT!! WHY DON’T YOU GET IT?! WHY DON’T EVEYONE GET IT?! I JUST DON’T WANT TO RISK YOUR LIFE!!” tears finally stream down my face like a waterfall as my vision became all blur. Sobs exited my mouth. “I want all of you to be safe!!”
That was when the whole dorm all quiet. No sounds like a cemetery, not even a sound of breath. I kneel down with my palm covering my face. Sobbing hard until I can feel someone rubbing my back. I thought it was Sunny, but when I take a peek, it’s Tiffany who just got home but none of us notice her. She pulls me to her embrace and I buried my face onto her chest.
“Sshh… It’s okay, Jessi. I’m here.”
***
Rrrrttt
Rrrrttt
Rrrrttt
I open my eyes a little bit in hope to find my phone in the dark. Crying all the time on Tiffany’s hug sends me this awesome headache. I can feel my eyes swollen when I try to open it. I found my phone under the blanket and without look at the screen, I pick it up.
“Hello?” I said, faintly as I look at the empty side beside me. I heard a chuckle and I shot my eyes open. It’s him.
“You sound not really good.” He laughs a little. “Do you miss me?”
I keep silent as I sigh and close my eyes, but my heart thumping like mad. I’m afraid.
“Have a good fight with Taeyeon?” and come his laugh.
I shot my eyes open again and sit. “H-how did you know?”
“I told you I know everything.” He chuckle. “Is it about me? I mean my threat on you?”
I didn’t answer him. “Jessica Jessica Jessica, why did you let her know about this? The whole girls will know as well.”
“Shut up.”
He laughs, again. “Don’t be so harsh Jessica. Oh, and by the way, I’m back. Let’s play games again.”
I ended the call immediately as throw my phone onto the bed and stood up. I made my way outside the room. Groans escape my mouth when I feel my head spinning like mad. I’m ready to puke anytime soon. I could barely hear anything as my gripped on the door knob behind me tightened. Silly isn’t it? First, I fought with the leader. Second, I end up crying in Tiffany’s hug which the girl is didn’t even know what’s going on. Third, waking up by the call from someone I hated so much and the headache makes it even worse. What a life.
I opened my eyes slowly and I can see the rest of my group gather at the living room; hands holding each other as a support. I heard sniffs, and sobs. Let out a heavy sigh, I close my eyes and watch them from afar. Tiffany has her head buried on Sunny’s neck as the shorter girl hugged her tight. Does it affect them this much? I mean, I’m not dead yet but they’re already this sad. This is my fault again, and I’ve been wondering for the rest of the day; when will I not make any trouble again with this love inside of me? I feel so useless.
Taeyeon notice my presence and I smile at her, walk towards her direction and sit right beside her. She smiles, warmly as she makes her fingers to comb my hair. I look at her swollen eyes and wipe the tears that about to fall from her eyes. Frown, I hugged her as I cry. Feeling sorry for what I had did to her back then. For yelled at her, for not look at her as a leader but friend.
I can feel her hands wrap me tight and her chin rest against my head. I want to utter my thanks to her but my mouth can’t even stop from hiccupped. I don’t even know why it’s so hard just to win Tiffany’s love, to make her fully mine without any image of Taecyeon in her mind. Why? Why did I do until I have to feel this way? This is too hard, really. But I don’t want to give up. Not until she tells me to stop.
Taeyeon pulled the hug and stares into my eyes. She smiles. “It’s okay, I understand.” She patted my head and whisper. “I’ll be always by your side no matter what. I’ll help you to win her love.”
I hug her for the last time before I turn my body to facing Tiffany. Hard look. Trails of tears visible on her fragile yet beautiful face. She shook her head as she buried her face onto her bare palms. I smile weakly to her and hugged her thin frame. Her arms around my neck and her face buried at the same place as her hands.
“Why?” She asked faintly between her sobs.
I kissed her on the top of her head as I whisper to her ear. “Because you worth everything in my life.”
TBC