Worthy Sacrifice [chapter 7]
a/n: mostly Tiffany PoV. i've been thinking that maybe... you wanna know what is this tiffany hwang had in her mind? i'm kinda stuck here and i'm afraid the story will end up boring. if you have a brilliant idea please... feel free to tell me ^^
CHAPTER 7
Author PoV
“I can’t do this.”
“Why? Do you love me?”
“…..”
“You don’t love me anymore?”
“I… I do love you.”
“So? What’s that you afraid of?”
“It’s… I just… I can’t.”
“I’m here again. I’ve change, that’s all you want. Please, I love you.”
“I… I don’t know.”
Sigh escaped. “Okay, I’ll give you time to thinking about this. And… it should be a positive one.”
***
Jessica PoV
Birds chirping, car’s horns, people chatting, and sound of music’s all over this place. I’m not filming anything nor the girls either, just another flat day, another dull day for me. Nothing really good had happened days ago, just can you guess, I just keep on receiving those threat from that Taecyeon guy. I crossed my legs as I leaned against the cold wall behind me, watching the rest of my member practicing the new moves. I’m just not in a good mood.
I looked at her eyes. Those beautiful brown orbs that I love and I feel something hit the pit of my stomach. This is just me or there’s something different from her eyes. I mean her stare, the way she looking around the practice room and the frown she keeps on her face. She is thinking about something.
I know, I just know her so well. I get up and walked towards her direction. I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin at her shoulder. I kissed her jaw line, her cheek and her temple. She smiles at me from the reflection by the mirror. Tiffany sighs and closed her eyes as she rested her head at mine. Hands held my arms and caressed it softly.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her as I close my eyes as well.
“Nothing.”
I can feel her warmth, I can hear her heart beat, I can… feel her. I felt safe, secure, comfortable, but worried at the same time, fear is still growing inside of me. Just if I can hold her like this forever and never let this moment fade away, my life would be so complete. Just if I can have her with no more Taecyeon in her mind, with no more her love for him anymore, I wouldn’t asked anything more but her. She’s all I need.
“You can tell me everything.” I said as I kissed her neck and she opened her eyes, staring at me blankly but deeply somehow. I peck her lips, not pay so much attention by the other girls’ protested.
“It’s nothing, Jessi.” She smiled, cupped my face with her hand. I held her hand and kissed her palm.
“I love you.” I’m waiting for her answer, just in hope she’ll said those three words back to me. I forced a smile when nothing came out from her mouth. Dig deep the hurt feeling in my heart. Forced a ‘I understand’ smile to her.
Nothing in this world can makes me happier but sad at the same time, feeling so falling in love but broken heart at the same exact time. No one can make me this fool for sacrifice my own self just for saving the other’s life. No one can make me hoping some of happiness and good life so much before.
This girl is changed my whole life, changing my vision about justness, about love, about life, and about everything. Is she worth it? Does she worth my life? I can’t just let this thoughts haunted me every single time. I wanted to make sure. Tiffany is just another pretty girl in my life. Why did I choose her? Why did I suffer this much just to have her?
Pull her from my embrace and peck her forehead at the moment. I unhook the gripped of our hands and walked away from her with my head lowered a bit. Inhale and exhale deeply before I joined Yoona, Yuri, Hyoyeon and Sooyoung to learn the new moves - or to throwing out my bad thoughts.
***
Tiffany PoV
I don’t know if forgetting someone and try to loving someone else could be this hard. I mean, it will be much easier if you used someone who loved you to forgetting the other one who hurt you so much, right? I didn’t mean to use her, but I can’t live a life without her even though my heart was still begging for Taecyeon’s love. Why am I so broken like this? What did I do? This is not the life that I wanted to live on.
Jessica is a sweet girl. She’s way too good for me. She loves me with no matter what the risk is, when the other side I’m just keep on hurting her. I just need time to wake up, to slaps myself hard and tell my heart to stop begging and bleeding to that guy’s love. Why can’t I love her like I love him? Why can I still loving someone who hurt my girlfriend? What is it on my mind?
Stepped out from the training room and headed to the nearest coffee bar and sat on the bench at the park after that. I looked down to my feet as I exhale heavily. If my brain worked like a computer, I will delete the sweet memories of Taecyeon, save the saddest image of him and the other girl’s kissing, and upload Jessica’s image and keep the memories of her never ending loves and sacrifices. I really want to love her and do everything she’s done for me. What’s so hard with that?
I took my phone from my jean’s pocket when I feel it vibrated. Looked down to the screen and I sigh when I read the display name. I bit my lip, confused. I run my thumb to the red button to reject the call and ended all the poor things that walked around my present life, but the other half of my heart wanted to picked the call up and tell him how much I love him, afraid of losing him.
I don’t know how fast it happened but I got my phone already pressed on my ear. I pick up his call.
“Hi, sweetheart.” He said. “I miss you.”
I bit my lip, try to not utter the ‘I miss you more’ to him. Success this time, I just keep my mum.
“Can we meet? I miss you so much.”
I bit my lip even harder than before, I want to force myself to say ‘no’. But I don’t know what kind of person I am when my mouth worked by itself without any permission from my brain to do an action.
“Yes, where?”
“Great.” I cursed myself as I can imagine his face smiling with joy with my approval. “10 minutes, and I’ll be there. Wait at the park.”
I dropped my hands limply to the side. I should just say no and all of this thing will over in no time. He knows where am I, what I’m doing, what my schedules are, why? Because I told him. Because the other half of heart doesn’t want to lose him. Because the other half of heart is totally lack of his loves. What will Jessica do if she knows this? She will be broken even more. I can’t imagine how her face will change that pretty smile of her to the sad and heartbreaking face she’ll put on.
“I’m sorry.”
***
He holds my hand, stare at me deeply and… warm. He smiles meaningfully and kissed the back of my hand. I blush by the contact. He never does this thing before, never even just once. I can’t help but smile lovingly to him, allowing the guy in front of me to kiss me on the cheek. I can feel butterflies on my stomach when he pecks my lips. I close my eyes, feeling happy and guilty at the same time.
“Let’s start it again, from the very beginning. I promise I wouldn’t hurt you like before.”
My heart race, hands sweating, head spinning. I want to be with him but I can’t. I still need Jessica in my life. I still need her to be with me every single time. If I choose to be with Taecyeon, then I have to end everything I started with Jessica. Just thinking of it already makes my heart hurt.
“I don’t know, Taec. It’s different now.” I let out a sigh. “It’s hard to choose.”
“Do you love her?”
I looked up at him, studying his face but frown when I notice that his expression is more calming and his stare is more comforting then before. I don’t find his emotional and jerky side of him on that face. Not like before when he always mad if I brought up Jessica’s name into our conversation.
“It’s okay if you love her. But, give me one change to prove that I’m not like before.” He sighed and lifted my chin. Our eyes met and I get lost in his lovely stare. “Thinking about it, Fany.”
***
Couple or arm wrapped my waist tight. Jessica had her chin rests on my shoulder as she hugged me from behind. I turn my head to one side and looking at her face. Gorgeous. Every curve from her face is perfect. Everyone would give her everything she wants to make her love them. But what did I do? I just keep on hurting this pretty girlfriend of mine. I closed my eyes as I leaned on and pressed my forehead to the side of her head. Sighing heavy before pulled myself back and smile at her lovingly. She smiles back lovely and touch the tip of my nose with hers. I blush.
We are doing it on public, on the stage when the MC talked about something I really don’t care. That contact of me and Jessica made the flashlight of cameras flashing like there’s no tomorrow, and the cheers from the fans are no joke. I’m not doing a fan service this time. It’s just this Taecyeon really made me thinking for things I don’t want to thinking. I looked at her again, deep into her brown orbs. She’s telling me something with that eyes; telling me that she loves me too much to stop falling in love with me. I feel like a b!tch. I don’t deserve her, but I can’t breath's life without her love. Caress her hands on my waist and hold on it. I feel guilty growing up on my chest when I realize that it’ll be hard to choose between her and him. Live a life without Jessica’s loves will be hard, I can’t breathed without it. But live a life without Taecyeon’s loves… it means…
…I’m heading to the death
…Facing the days with darkness
What should I do?
TBC
CHAPTER 7
Author PoV
“I can’t do this.”
“Why? Do you love me?”
“…..”
“You don’t love me anymore?”
“I… I do love you.”
“So? What’s that you afraid of?”
“It’s… I just… I can’t.”
“I’m here again. I’ve change, that’s all you want. Please, I love you.”
“I… I don’t know.”
Sigh escaped. “Okay, I’ll give you time to thinking about this. And… it should be a positive one.”
***
Jessica PoV
Birds chirping, car’s horns, people chatting, and sound of music’s all over this place. I’m not filming anything nor the girls either, just another flat day, another dull day for me. Nothing really good had happened days ago, just can you guess, I just keep on receiving those threat from that Taecyeon guy. I crossed my legs as I leaned against the cold wall behind me, watching the rest of my member practicing the new moves. I’m just not in a good mood.
I looked at her eyes. Those beautiful brown orbs that I love and I feel something hit the pit of my stomach. This is just me or there’s something different from her eyes. I mean her stare, the way she looking around the practice room and the frown she keeps on her face. She is thinking about something.
I know, I just know her so well. I get up and walked towards her direction. I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin at her shoulder. I kissed her jaw line, her cheek and her temple. She smiles at me from the reflection by the mirror. Tiffany sighs and closed her eyes as she rested her head at mine. Hands held my arms and caressed it softly.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her as I close my eyes as well.
“Nothing.”
I can feel her warmth, I can hear her heart beat, I can… feel her. I felt safe, secure, comfortable, but worried at the same time, fear is still growing inside of me. Just if I can hold her like this forever and never let this moment fade away, my life would be so complete. Just if I can have her with no more Taecyeon in her mind, with no more her love for him anymore, I wouldn’t asked anything more but her. She’s all I need.
“You can tell me everything.” I said as I kissed her neck and she opened her eyes, staring at me blankly but deeply somehow. I peck her lips, not pay so much attention by the other girls’ protested.
“It’s nothing, Jessi.” She smiled, cupped my face with her hand. I held her hand and kissed her palm.
“I love you.” I’m waiting for her answer, just in hope she’ll said those three words back to me. I forced a smile when nothing came out from her mouth. Dig deep the hurt feeling in my heart. Forced a ‘I understand’ smile to her.
Nothing in this world can makes me happier but sad at the same time, feeling so falling in love but broken heart at the same exact time. No one can make me this fool for sacrifice my own self just for saving the other’s life. No one can make me hoping some of happiness and good life so much before.
This girl is changed my whole life, changing my vision about justness, about love, about life, and about everything. Is she worth it? Does she worth my life? I can’t just let this thoughts haunted me every single time. I wanted to make sure. Tiffany is just another pretty girl in my life. Why did I choose her? Why did I suffer this much just to have her?
Pull her from my embrace and peck her forehead at the moment. I unhook the gripped of our hands and walked away from her with my head lowered a bit. Inhale and exhale deeply before I joined Yoona, Yuri, Hyoyeon and Sooyoung to learn the new moves - or to throwing out my bad thoughts.
***
Tiffany PoV
I don’t know if forgetting someone and try to loving someone else could be this hard. I mean, it will be much easier if you used someone who loved you to forgetting the other one who hurt you so much, right? I didn’t mean to use her, but I can’t live a life without her even though my heart was still begging for Taecyeon’s love. Why am I so broken like this? What did I do? This is not the life that I wanted to live on.
Jessica is a sweet girl. She’s way too good for me. She loves me with no matter what the risk is, when the other side I’m just keep on hurting her. I just need time to wake up, to slaps myself hard and tell my heart to stop begging and bleeding to that guy’s love. Why can’t I love her like I love him? Why can I still loving someone who hurt my girlfriend? What is it on my mind?
Stepped out from the training room and headed to the nearest coffee bar and sat on the bench at the park after that. I looked down to my feet as I exhale heavily. If my brain worked like a computer, I will delete the sweet memories of Taecyeon, save the saddest image of him and the other girl’s kissing, and upload Jessica’s image and keep the memories of her never ending loves and sacrifices. I really want to love her and do everything she’s done for me. What’s so hard with that?
I took my phone from my jean’s pocket when I feel it vibrated. Looked down to the screen and I sigh when I read the display name. I bit my lip, confused. I run my thumb to the red button to reject the call and ended all the poor things that walked around my present life, but the other half of my heart wanted to picked the call up and tell him how much I love him, afraid of losing him.
I don’t know how fast it happened but I got my phone already pressed on my ear. I pick up his call.
“Hi, sweetheart.” He said. “I miss you.”
I bit my lip, try to not utter the ‘I miss you more’ to him. Success this time, I just keep my mum.
“Can we meet? I miss you so much.”
I bit my lip even harder than before, I want to force myself to say ‘no’. But I don’t know what kind of person I am when my mouth worked by itself without any permission from my brain to do an action.
“Yes, where?”
“Great.” I cursed myself as I can imagine his face smiling with joy with my approval. “10 minutes, and I’ll be there. Wait at the park.”
I dropped my hands limply to the side. I should just say no and all of this thing will over in no time. He knows where am I, what I’m doing, what my schedules are, why? Because I told him. Because the other half of heart doesn’t want to lose him. Because the other half of heart is totally lack of his loves. What will Jessica do if she knows this? She will be broken even more. I can’t imagine how her face will change that pretty smile of her to the sad and heartbreaking face she’ll put on.
“I’m sorry.”
***
He holds my hand, stare at me deeply and… warm. He smiles meaningfully and kissed the back of my hand. I blush by the contact. He never does this thing before, never even just once. I can’t help but smile lovingly to him, allowing the guy in front of me to kiss me on the cheek. I can feel butterflies on my stomach when he pecks my lips. I close my eyes, feeling happy and guilty at the same time.
“Let’s start it again, from the very beginning. I promise I wouldn’t hurt you like before.”
My heart race, hands sweating, head spinning. I want to be with him but I can’t. I still need Jessica in my life. I still need her to be with me every single time. If I choose to be with Taecyeon, then I have to end everything I started with Jessica. Just thinking of it already makes my heart hurt.
“I don’t know, Taec. It’s different now.” I let out a sigh. “It’s hard to choose.”
“Do you love her?”
I looked up at him, studying his face but frown when I notice that his expression is more calming and his stare is more comforting then before. I don’t find his emotional and jerky side of him on that face. Not like before when he always mad if I brought up Jessica’s name into our conversation.
“It’s okay if you love her. But, give me one change to prove that I’m not like before.” He sighed and lifted my chin. Our eyes met and I get lost in his lovely stare. “Thinking about it, Fany.”
***
Couple or arm wrapped my waist tight. Jessica had her chin rests on my shoulder as she hugged me from behind. I turn my head to one side and looking at her face. Gorgeous. Every curve from her face is perfect. Everyone would give her everything she wants to make her love them. But what did I do? I just keep on hurting this pretty girlfriend of mine. I closed my eyes as I leaned on and pressed my forehead to the side of her head. Sighing heavy before pulled myself back and smile at her lovingly. She smiles back lovely and touch the tip of my nose with hers. I blush.
We are doing it on public, on the stage when the MC talked about something I really don’t care. That contact of me and Jessica made the flashlight of cameras flashing like there’s no tomorrow, and the cheers from the fans are no joke. I’m not doing a fan service this time. It’s just this Taecyeon really made me thinking for things I don’t want to thinking. I looked at her again, deep into her brown orbs. She’s telling me something with that eyes; telling me that she loves me too much to stop falling in love with me. I feel like a b!tch. I don’t deserve her, but I can’t breath's life without her love. Caress her hands on my waist and hold on it. I feel guilty growing up on my chest when I realize that it’ll be hard to choose between her and him. Live a life without Jessica’s loves will be hard, I can’t breathed without it. But live a life without Taecyeon’s loves… it means…
…I’m heading to the death
…Facing the days with darkness
What should I do?
TBC