(UPDATE) Worthy Sacrifice [chapter 9]
CHAPTER 9
Tiffany bit her lower lip when she saw Taecyeon . He was walking towards her direction, waving his hand happily. A ‘smile’ was quite present on her lips when the older guy hugged her slightly before kissing her lovingly on the forehead.
Tiffany frowned subconsciously and it was missed by Taecyeon who roamed his eyes around at that same time. They were in front of a restaurant now-the persistent guy made Tiffany promised to spend another lunch date with him. And ever so slowly, he grabbed Tiffany’s hand and lead her inside the restaurant, placing their selves at the farthermost table. Taecyeon smiled (or more like an ugly smile) then looked at her, cupping the brown eyed girl’s face with much love. As he caressed it softly, his lips fell down to a frown-what were those eye-bags doing underneath Tiffany’s eyes?
“You didn’t sleep well?”
Tiffany smiled-the one that doesn’t reach her eyes-as she nodded
“Why? You fought with her?”
And then a sigh was heard. “No, it’s not that. Jessica was sleeping already when I got home…”
She took away Taecyeon’s hand from hers and placed it on the table. “Taec,”
“Yes?”
Tiffany gulped-it was as if a cork was stuck there. “Can we…?”
She took a glance at Taecyeon and her frown deepened. But when she about to say something though, the waiter came and approached them with a menu and jot pad at hand, ready to put down their orders. Tiffany sighed from her nostrils and cursed under her breath. She insisted herself to forget it for a while until they finish their lunch.
***
Yoona glanced at the clock and frowned.
Yuri soughed on the other hand and when she looked behind, there was Jessica. The older lady never shifted from her position at the couch, hugging Tiffany’s pillow and covering herself with a white blanket that her girlfriend used earlier.
“Are you sure she’ll be back at noon? It’s already 2.15…” Yuri drank her apple juice and leaned against the kitchen counter, Yoona shot a second glance at Jessica.
A glance of worry, a glance of sadness.
“She said it. And I believe her…”
The younger girl breathed heavily and grabbed a plate to put some food on it. She walked towards Jessica and sat beside her silently.
Jessica swept a glance and heaved when she looked at the plate on Yoona’s hand. “I’m not hungry...”
“Unnie, you have to eat. You haven’t eaten anything since you woke up.”
Yoona tried to feed her but Jessica refused. “Unnie, please…”
Yuri tapped her girlfriend’s shoulder and nodded in understanding. The doe eyed girl handed the plate to the older girl as she walked away to her room, not wanting to eavesdrop over their conversation.
“Sica..?” Yuri tilted her head to one side so she can see Jessica’s face. The older girl looked at her and earned a smile from the tan girl. “Eat..?” Jessica shook her head. “Your Tiffany wouldn’t like it if you don’t eat, you know.”
Jessica pouted cutely and scratched her cheek timidly.
Yuri giggled in turn.
“Open your mouth. Aaaaaaaaa~ that’s it!” The smile on Yuri’s face grew as she tapped Jessica’s head. She fed Jessica without any trouble, knowing the latter was really hungry.
“Yuri,” Jessica called while she chewed. Expecting, Yuri looked at Jessica whose eyes were still fixed down the floor. “Why Tiffany hasn’t gone home yet..? Do you know her whereabouts..?”
Yuri glanced at the clock before answering Jessica’s question. “She will, Sica. Maybe her schedules are really tight like yours.” She patted Jessica then smiled to comfort her. “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine!”
The older girl gulped the food on her mouth and yawned while rubbing her eyes cutely. She told Yuri that she was full already and leaned her head on the younger girl’s shoulder. Yuri placed the now-almost-empty plate on the table and lulled Jessica to sleep by caressing those gold strands softly.
“Yul..?”
“Hm..?”
“If Tiffany’s back, can you wake me up please…?”
“…I miss her so much.”
Her sleepy and soft voice sent the younger girl to frown deeply. Yuri tightened her gripped on Jessica’s head.
“I will…”
Yoona peeked from the door and saw her girlfriend scowling. Jessica’s face calmly made her thoughts drift away.
Yet, she was actually hurt to watch and think that the two of her friends were broken yet blinding themselves by staying in their relationship. This wasn’t normal, Jessica and Tiffany were really fragile but kept on loving at the same time (yet, repelling themselves from each other)- unlike her and Yuri or Taeyeon and Sunny or maybe Hyoyeon and Sooyoung with their silly, happy-giddy relationship, even maknae was happy with Yonghwa wasn’t it?
It’s unfair to think through.
Why does love felt so much more intoxicating than she could ever think of? How did it come to this..? Was it really hard to notice and to finally realize that true love is just between them? Why was it so hard for Tiffany, exactly...? Why? Why was it Taecyeon? Why not Jessica..? Why?
Why..?
Yoona pulled out her phone and called Taeyeon.
Her heart felt heavy all of a sudden.
“Unnie, she’s hasn’t gone home yet…”
***
Taeyeon bowed respectfully to all the workers that helped for today’s photoshoot. Sunny noticed her uneasiness during the shoot and she, and the two other girls-Sooyoung and Seohyun-kept on exchanging worried glances. Sooyoung nodded her head towards Taeyeon to Sunny, telling her to check on their leader. Seohyun wrapped her arms on Sooyoung’s waist while the latter just shrugged.
“Taengoo, are you okay..?”
Heading to their vehicle, Taeyeon pulled her vibrating phone from her handbag. She picked the call first before answering Sunny’s question-and if Sunny noticed more, the frowned on her face grew even deeper than before. Taeyeon lowered her head and sighed.
“She hasn’t gone home yet...”
Sunny looked behind her and saw Sooyoung’s hardened face when Seohyun tried to calm her unnie down. Sooyoung was never like this! She always wanted to go inside 2pm’s dorm and tell all of the members that Taecyeon ruined their lovely friendship and made two of their friends as miserable than she could ever imagine.
“Taeyeon-ah…”
The kid leader looked over to Sooyoung and stopped walking. The taller girl looked like she’s ready to kill someone in no time if Taeyeon didn’t nod her head back. Sooyoung smirked and told their manager that they were going home with a taxi.
***
“What?! Why?!”
“Taec, I can’t do this. I’m not… I can’t hurt her anymore!” Tiffany cried out.
“Fany, I changed for you! Why now..? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?!” Taecyeon groaned and messed his ugly hair. “You’re falling for her, don’t you?” Tiffany kept silent as she watched Taecyeon hit the park’s fence. “I’m not gonna let you go.” He faced Tiffany and gripped her shoulder hard like it would break anytime. “Never!”
“Taec…” Tiffany tried to remove his hand but was unsuccessful.
“Fany, I’m… in love with you! I’m falling in love with you! Why can’t you love me back like you used to?!”
Tiffany looked at him in surprise. At this moment, she could feel her heart betraying her once more. She could feel the lies feeding through her mind and blinding her yet again.
But.
But she resisted. She could feel it skip some beats and made her go crazy-thump… thump... Tiffany bit her inner cheek when she was about to tell Taecyeon that she loves him too.
Oh god, how did she become this… gullible…?
This idiotic..?
This… foolish..?
She shook her head and cleared her disordered thoughts. It was hard but easy at the same time-ironic but she was realizing what’s really for her.
But then he scoffed-disturbing her thought, when he knew Tiffany would never ever be the same Tiffany he wants her to be.
“You’re not the same person I know…”
She looked to the other side of the park and sighed deeply. The guy in front of her dropped his hand to his side, looking at her in disbelief. Tiffany wanted to cry, to hold him and say sorry, but she held it once more. She doesn’t want to be the bad person in this stupid, little heartbreaking drama while the image of Jessica was swimming inside her brain- crying, pleading and running over her mind.
She shook her head in disgust.
“I know,” She said. “And I’m sorry.”
Taecyeon scoffed once again, Tiffany lowered her head and closed her eyes. She gasped when she felt a hard grip on her wrist. Tiffany yelped in pain when Taecyeon lifted her chin roughly. And at that time, she realized something.
She’s really a fool, wasn’t she?
That look on his face, that stupid, ugly, jerk look that she realized she hated so much was back. Taecyeon didn’t change. Never. Tiffany flinched, struggled but his grip was tight, hard, and painful.
He is a wolf disguised as a sheep.
“I tried my best to keep this.” He hissed sharply. “Why can’t you see it?! I. HAVE. CHANGED. FOR. YOU!”
Tiffany yelped for the second time when Taecyeon dug his nails onto her skin. Her vision was blurred by tears and she shook her head. It was searing deep inside, burning and eating her.
“Taec… it’s… hurts.”
Taecyeon jerked his hand from both Tiffany’s chin and wrist. The crying girl knelt down, her hand lying limply over her almost bleeding wrist. Tiffany sobbed quietly, the pain was all over her body and inside her heart.
She pities herself for the very first time in her life.
She should just love Jessica back and live happily ever after. So why on earth did she choose this stupid jerk over Jessica? Over Jessica who was there all along, receiving anything even though Tiffany didn’t give anything back. Moreover, what’s so good about him?
Tiffany cursed herself under her breath.
“Look, Fany.” Taecyeon perched his hands on his waist. “I’ll do everything to make you mine, okay..? Everything, you got it?”
Tiffany wiped away her tears and fleered. “You don’t understand. You don’t. You can’t ever.”
Is this still worth calling love when she was ****ing losing herself in the process? Is it still love when she just realized that she, Tiffany, deserved better?
Taecyeon knelt in front of her and looked into her teary eyes with that smirk Tiffany hates.
“I’ll let you choose this.” He caressed Tiffany’s face. “Broke up with me but I’ll make her bones broken and I’ll make sure she’ll suffer for the rest of her life or…” Taecyeon smiled deviously. “Stay with me and she’ll be okay.”
Tiffany looked at him in disbelief for the second time that night. He stood up and dug deep in his pockets as he smirked.
He just won, wasn’t he?
“You choose. It’s depends on you.”
***
Tiffany ran. She ran, ran, and ran until she could barely feel her feet anymore. No matter how far it was, no matter how tired and broken she was, all she knew at the moment was to run and tell Jessica to go as far as she could, to hide wherever it was as long as it was safe enough for her, and Taecyeon would never ever find her, then, all is going to be okay.
But would Jessica listen to her? Would she ever care if she was doing these to save her life?
No.
Jessica would never ever do that, she better kill herself rather than watch Tiffany dying slowly while she does nothing.
Why?
Jessica loves her way too much.
Why?
Because Tiffany made her heart found the right rhythm, the right beat.
And… Why Tiffany?
Because she makes her feel loved.
Jessica maybe loves Tiffany with all her heart and she barely got it back. Yet, it’s okay for her. It was enough to feed her heart some love-solely looking at Tiffany was enough.
She is happy, Jessica is happy with Tiffany by her side yet she hurts most of the time. No matter how hurt it was, no matter how painful it was, Tiffany always finds her way to make it somewhat okay again, to make her heart stop from bleeding too much. It was healed by Tiffany’s pitying love. It was okay.
Jessica was okay.
On the other hand, Tiffany never felt so useless and bad at the same time. Taecyeon had ruined her life. She wanted to punch herself on the face and kicked herself hard on the stomach or if needed, she really, really wanted to make sure if her brain’s still working and if she was much more cleaver than a donkey. Damn it!
She would do that even if she just realized this so late.
She was still running. Never paying much attention to the people that was shouting her name every now and then. All she knew was to run faster so she can tell Jessica to go. Sweats trickled down her body as her breaths grew ragged. She didn’t even care that she hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday night - she didn’t touch the food awhile ago with Taecyeon.
Tiffany smiled hopefully when she saw the apartment building. Hurriedly, she didn’t even care to use the elevator and used the stairs instead. She cannot stop, not until she was face to face with Jessica. Tiffany rushed through the hallway and continued to run towards their dorm. She burst the door open and slammed it close with a loud bang.
Yoona choked on her orange juice and looked at the haggard and pale and sweaty Tiffany at their doorstep. Tiffany eyed the room and found Jessica sleeping soundly on Yuri’s shoulder. The taller girl shot her eyes open. Tiffany’s tears rolled down her cheeks when she knelt down in front of Jessica and Yuri. She cupped the older girl’s face softly when she barely can breathe anymore.
Yuri nodded her head to Tiffany as she stood up and dragged Yoona to their room, giving both of them some privacy.
“J-Jess… Jess…Jessica.”
No response.
Tiffany sat beside her girlfriend and shook her shoulder. Tears incessantly flowed down her cheeks.
“Jessi… wake… up!” She said.
Jessica didn’t even stir. “What a… sleepy… head!”
Tiffany frowned and leaned closer. Closing her eyes, she kissed Jessica’s lips softly, deeply.
Like it was their last.
She nibbled on Jessica’s lower lips and licked it until Jessica kissed her back. Her arms were unconsciously on Tiffany’s neck, pulling her closer. The younger girl smiled and pulled away from their kiss. She looked at Jessica’s face, her eyes still closed and her lips curled up, smiling.
This could be the last time she would ever see that angelic smile.
Jessica was smiling, and Tiffany hugged her tightly. Burying her face onto her neck and crying.
The older girl felt her neck wet and Tiffany’s sobs shook her body awake. Jessica was taken aback then proceeded to hug Tiffany tighter. What was happening? She was confused.
“Tiff..? Are you crying?”
Tiffany continued to sob.
“Tiffany, are you okay? What’s wrong??” Jessica pulled her away softly. The other girl’s face was wet of tears, the eye-bags making it look even worse. Jessica scowled and about to speak when Tiffany cut her.
“Jessi, will you do anything for me?”
“Huh?” She raised her eyebrows by the sudden awkward question. “What do you-“
“Just answer it!”
She never yelled to Jessica, ever. And Jessica was shock.
“Tiffany…”
“Just… answer it.” her voice softened. “Answer… me… please…”
“I… I will. I will.”
“Jessi, if I tell you everything, will you… forgive me? and… an-“
“I’ll always forgive you no matter what, okay? I’m not strong enough to live without you.”
That expression on Jessica’s face made Tiffany really want to kill herself. Jessica’s innocent and forgiving heart made her feel guilty even more.
But it was for Jessica. She was doing this for Jessica.
Tiffany sobbed harder and slid down, kneeling once again. Her tears fell like there’s no tomorrow. Jessica told her to get up but she resisted, begging that a thousand apology to Jessica was a must. She hurt her girlfriend in too many ways.
She realized everything, so late.
“Jess… F-Forgive me. I-I…” Tiffany bit her lower lip and lowered her head. “I… I-I am s-secretly… secretly d-dating… Taecyeon b-behind your… b-back.”
She didn’t look up at Jessica but she knew that Jessica looked at her in surprise.
“I t-thought…”
Jessica froze on her spot. Tiffany took steps backward and leaned against the empty wall, one hand hugging her knees while her other hand pulled her hair in frustration.
Jessica’s eyes were still there, looking at the previous space were Tiffany’s body settled. Mind screwed shut, her head was spinning, her heart breaking. Again.
Wasn’t everything she had done enough..?
Her vision got blurry by tears in an instant.
She was betrayed.
“L-Leave me, Jessi. Leave me.” Tiffany sobbed, ramming her head against the wall with her eyes close. “Leave me, you deserve someone better than me.” She tried to smile but failed.
“No…” Jessica whispered and shook her head beneath the tears. “No…”
No, no, no… I can’t… no…
“Leave me.” The other girl demanded.
“Nev-“
“LEAVE ME!!!” Tiffany yelled once more and buried her face in between her knees. Both of her hands pulled her hair as she sniffed, her breaths running out. “Just leave me!!! You don’t deserve me!! I thought you would do anything for me?!”
“I-I’m pleading you to leave me…”
The older girl bit her lip while wiping away her tears. “Tiff…”
“Shut up!!” Her voice was deep and sharp, she was hurt and broken and felt like a stupid ***** who told her perfect girlfriend to leave her because it was for her-Jessica. “Just shut the **** up and leave me!!”
Jessica lowered her head. “Why..?” She looked up and saw Tiffany staring back at her with swollen red eyes. “Why did you do that? Why do you love him so much?”
The girl in front of her stood up, hands balled into fists as she fought her tears from falling. She failed when she spoke, her voice trembling.
She has to lie this time, she has to tell Jessica lies, she has to make Jessica hurt to make her leave her. Tiffany gathered her strength.
“Because I never love you,”
“I never did.”
Jessica was shattering,
“Because you can’t give me anything like he gives me.”
It shattered a little bit more.
“Because every time we kiss, I could only imagine his face,” Tiffany slowly grazed her fingertips on her own lips. “I could taste him.”
Jessica stared and gasped while Tiffany stared back at her intensely. A hand gripped on Jessica’s chest like it could make her heart stop from breaking,
“Because…” Tiffany bit her lip and looked away. “Because… I didn’t stop loving him. And you’re the only reason why I was never happy…”
Jessica fought back the tears but fell more. She cried and cried while her heart turned into dust, half of her soul flew away from her body. She gave up and finally knelt down the floor. Her hand still gripped on her chest tightly while the other covered her mouth to keep her sobs to herself. But she can’t, it was too much, too painful to feel.
Tiffany watched and sobbed also, her body trembled.
Love has no empathy. Sometimes, to let go was to tell Jessica how much she really loves her, how much Tiffany really does.
I’m sorry Jessi… I love you…
She stood up weakly then turned her back from Jessica. Slowly, she walked to the front door but stopped when she was about to turn the door knob. Jessica whispered something to her which made her lose the hope that has yet to dangle.
“I give up,”
TBC
Tiffany bit her lower lip when she saw Taecyeon . He was walking towards her direction, waving his hand happily. A ‘smile’ was quite present on her lips when the older guy hugged her slightly before kissing her lovingly on the forehead.
Tiffany frowned subconsciously and it was missed by Taecyeon who roamed his eyes around at that same time. They were in front of a restaurant now-the persistent guy made Tiffany promised to spend another lunch date with him. And ever so slowly, he grabbed Tiffany’s hand and lead her inside the restaurant, placing their selves at the farthermost table. Taecyeon smiled (or more like an ugly smile) then looked at her, cupping the brown eyed girl’s face with much love. As he caressed it softly, his lips fell down to a frown-what were those eye-bags doing underneath Tiffany’s eyes?
“You didn’t sleep well?”
Tiffany smiled-the one that doesn’t reach her eyes-as she nodded
“Why? You fought with her?”
And then a sigh was heard. “No, it’s not that. Jessica was sleeping already when I got home…”
She took away Taecyeon’s hand from hers and placed it on the table. “Taec,”
“Yes?”
Tiffany gulped-it was as if a cork was stuck there. “Can we…?”
She took a glance at Taecyeon and her frown deepened. But when she about to say something though, the waiter came and approached them with a menu and jot pad at hand, ready to put down their orders. Tiffany sighed from her nostrils and cursed under her breath. She insisted herself to forget it for a while until they finish their lunch.
***
Yoona glanced at the clock and frowned.
Yuri soughed on the other hand and when she looked behind, there was Jessica. The older lady never shifted from her position at the couch, hugging Tiffany’s pillow and covering herself with a white blanket that her girlfriend used earlier.
“Are you sure she’ll be back at noon? It’s already 2.15…” Yuri drank her apple juice and leaned against the kitchen counter, Yoona shot a second glance at Jessica.
A glance of worry, a glance of sadness.
“She said it. And I believe her…”
The younger girl breathed heavily and grabbed a plate to put some food on it. She walked towards Jessica and sat beside her silently.
Jessica swept a glance and heaved when she looked at the plate on Yoona’s hand. “I’m not hungry...”
“Unnie, you have to eat. You haven’t eaten anything since you woke up.”
Yoona tried to feed her but Jessica refused. “Unnie, please…”
Yuri tapped her girlfriend’s shoulder and nodded in understanding. The doe eyed girl handed the plate to the older girl as she walked away to her room, not wanting to eavesdrop over their conversation.
“Sica..?” Yuri tilted her head to one side so she can see Jessica’s face. The older girl looked at her and earned a smile from the tan girl. “Eat..?” Jessica shook her head. “Your Tiffany wouldn’t like it if you don’t eat, you know.”
Jessica pouted cutely and scratched her cheek timidly.
Yuri giggled in turn.
“Open your mouth. Aaaaaaaaa~ that’s it!” The smile on Yuri’s face grew as she tapped Jessica’s head. She fed Jessica without any trouble, knowing the latter was really hungry.
“Yuri,” Jessica called while she chewed. Expecting, Yuri looked at Jessica whose eyes were still fixed down the floor. “Why Tiffany hasn’t gone home yet..? Do you know her whereabouts..?”
Yuri glanced at the clock before answering Jessica’s question. “She will, Sica. Maybe her schedules are really tight like yours.” She patted Jessica then smiled to comfort her. “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine!”
The older girl gulped the food on her mouth and yawned while rubbing her eyes cutely. She told Yuri that she was full already and leaned her head on the younger girl’s shoulder. Yuri placed the now-almost-empty plate on the table and lulled Jessica to sleep by caressing those gold strands softly.
“Yul..?”
“Hm..?”
“If Tiffany’s back, can you wake me up please…?”
“…I miss her so much.”
Her sleepy and soft voice sent the younger girl to frown deeply. Yuri tightened her gripped on Jessica’s head.
“I will…”
Yoona peeked from the door and saw her girlfriend scowling. Jessica’s face calmly made her thoughts drift away.
Yet, she was actually hurt to watch and think that the two of her friends were broken yet blinding themselves by staying in their relationship. This wasn’t normal, Jessica and Tiffany were really fragile but kept on loving at the same time (yet, repelling themselves from each other)- unlike her and Yuri or Taeyeon and Sunny or maybe Hyoyeon and Sooyoung with their silly, happy-giddy relationship, even maknae was happy with Yonghwa wasn’t it?
It’s unfair to think through.
Why does love felt so much more intoxicating than she could ever think of? How did it come to this..? Was it really hard to notice and to finally realize that true love is just between them? Why was it so hard for Tiffany, exactly...? Why? Why was it Taecyeon? Why not Jessica..? Why?
Why..?
Yoona pulled out her phone and called Taeyeon.
Her heart felt heavy all of a sudden.
“Unnie, she’s hasn’t gone home yet…”
***
Taeyeon bowed respectfully to all the workers that helped for today’s photoshoot. Sunny noticed her uneasiness during the shoot and she, and the two other girls-Sooyoung and Seohyun-kept on exchanging worried glances. Sooyoung nodded her head towards Taeyeon to Sunny, telling her to check on their leader. Seohyun wrapped her arms on Sooyoung’s waist while the latter just shrugged.
“Taengoo, are you okay..?”
Heading to their vehicle, Taeyeon pulled her vibrating phone from her handbag. She picked the call first before answering Sunny’s question-and if Sunny noticed more, the frowned on her face grew even deeper than before. Taeyeon lowered her head and sighed.
“She hasn’t gone home yet...”
Sunny looked behind her and saw Sooyoung’s hardened face when Seohyun tried to calm her unnie down. Sooyoung was never like this! She always wanted to go inside 2pm’s dorm and tell all of the members that Taecyeon ruined their lovely friendship and made two of their friends as miserable than she could ever imagine.
“Taeyeon-ah…”
The kid leader looked over to Sooyoung and stopped walking. The taller girl looked like she’s ready to kill someone in no time if Taeyeon didn’t nod her head back. Sooyoung smirked and told their manager that they were going home with a taxi.
***
“What?! Why?!”
“Taec, I can’t do this. I’m not… I can’t hurt her anymore!” Tiffany cried out.
“Fany, I changed for you! Why now..? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?!” Taecyeon groaned and messed his ugly hair. “You’re falling for her, don’t you?” Tiffany kept silent as she watched Taecyeon hit the park’s fence. “I’m not gonna let you go.” He faced Tiffany and gripped her shoulder hard like it would break anytime. “Never!”
“Taec…” Tiffany tried to remove his hand but was unsuccessful.
“Fany, I’m… in love with you! I’m falling in love with you! Why can’t you love me back like you used to?!”
Tiffany looked at him in surprise. At this moment, she could feel her heart betraying her once more. She could feel the lies feeding through her mind and blinding her yet again.
But.
But she resisted. She could feel it skip some beats and made her go crazy-thump… thump... Tiffany bit her inner cheek when she was about to tell Taecyeon that she loves him too.
Oh god, how did she become this… gullible…?
This idiotic..?
This… foolish..?
She shook her head and cleared her disordered thoughts. It was hard but easy at the same time-ironic but she was realizing what’s really for her.
But then he scoffed-disturbing her thought, when he knew Tiffany would never ever be the same Tiffany he wants her to be.
“You’re not the same person I know…”
She looked to the other side of the park and sighed deeply. The guy in front of her dropped his hand to his side, looking at her in disbelief. Tiffany wanted to cry, to hold him and say sorry, but she held it once more. She doesn’t want to be the bad person in this stupid, little heartbreaking drama while the image of Jessica was swimming inside her brain- crying, pleading and running over her mind.
She shook her head in disgust.
“I know,” She said. “And I’m sorry.”
Taecyeon scoffed once again, Tiffany lowered her head and closed her eyes. She gasped when she felt a hard grip on her wrist. Tiffany yelped in pain when Taecyeon lifted her chin roughly. And at that time, she realized something.
She’s really a fool, wasn’t she?
That look on his face, that stupid, ugly, jerk look that she realized she hated so much was back. Taecyeon didn’t change. Never. Tiffany flinched, struggled but his grip was tight, hard, and painful.
He is a wolf disguised as a sheep.
“I tried my best to keep this.” He hissed sharply. “Why can’t you see it?! I. HAVE. CHANGED. FOR. YOU!”
Tiffany yelped for the second time when Taecyeon dug his nails onto her skin. Her vision was blurred by tears and she shook her head. It was searing deep inside, burning and eating her.
“Taec… it’s… hurts.”
Taecyeon jerked his hand from both Tiffany’s chin and wrist. The crying girl knelt down, her hand lying limply over her almost bleeding wrist. Tiffany sobbed quietly, the pain was all over her body and inside her heart.
She pities herself for the very first time in her life.
She should just love Jessica back and live happily ever after. So why on earth did she choose this stupid jerk over Jessica? Over Jessica who was there all along, receiving anything even though Tiffany didn’t give anything back. Moreover, what’s so good about him?
Tiffany cursed herself under her breath.
“Look, Fany.” Taecyeon perched his hands on his waist. “I’ll do everything to make you mine, okay..? Everything, you got it?”
Tiffany wiped away her tears and fleered. “You don’t understand. You don’t. You can’t ever.”
Is this still worth calling love when she was ****ing losing herself in the process? Is it still love when she just realized that she, Tiffany, deserved better?
Taecyeon knelt in front of her and looked into her teary eyes with that smirk Tiffany hates.
“I’ll let you choose this.” He caressed Tiffany’s face. “Broke up with me but I’ll make her bones broken and I’ll make sure she’ll suffer for the rest of her life or…” Taecyeon smiled deviously. “Stay with me and she’ll be okay.”
Tiffany looked at him in disbelief for the second time that night. He stood up and dug deep in his pockets as he smirked.
He just won, wasn’t he?
“You choose. It’s depends on you.”
***
Tiffany ran. She ran, ran, and ran until she could barely feel her feet anymore. No matter how far it was, no matter how tired and broken she was, all she knew at the moment was to run and tell Jessica to go as far as she could, to hide wherever it was as long as it was safe enough for her, and Taecyeon would never ever find her, then, all is going to be okay.
But would Jessica listen to her? Would she ever care if she was doing these to save her life?
No.
Jessica would never ever do that, she better kill herself rather than watch Tiffany dying slowly while she does nothing.
Why?
Jessica loves her way too much.
Why?
Because Tiffany made her heart found the right rhythm, the right beat.
And… Why Tiffany?
Because she makes her feel loved.
Jessica maybe loves Tiffany with all her heart and she barely got it back. Yet, it’s okay for her. It was enough to feed her heart some love-solely looking at Tiffany was enough.
She is happy, Jessica is happy with Tiffany by her side yet she hurts most of the time. No matter how hurt it was, no matter how painful it was, Tiffany always finds her way to make it somewhat okay again, to make her heart stop from bleeding too much. It was healed by Tiffany’s pitying love. It was okay.
Jessica was okay.
On the other hand, Tiffany never felt so useless and bad at the same time. Taecyeon had ruined her life. She wanted to punch herself on the face and kicked herself hard on the stomach or if needed, she really, really wanted to make sure if her brain’s still working and if she was much more cleaver than a donkey. Damn it!
She would do that even if she just realized this so late.
She was still running. Never paying much attention to the people that was shouting her name every now and then. All she knew was to run faster so she can tell Jessica to go. Sweats trickled down her body as her breaths grew ragged. She didn’t even care that she hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday night - she didn’t touch the food awhile ago with Taecyeon.
Tiffany smiled hopefully when she saw the apartment building. Hurriedly, she didn’t even care to use the elevator and used the stairs instead. She cannot stop, not until she was face to face with Jessica. Tiffany rushed through the hallway and continued to run towards their dorm. She burst the door open and slammed it close with a loud bang.
Yoona choked on her orange juice and looked at the haggard and pale and sweaty Tiffany at their doorstep. Tiffany eyed the room and found Jessica sleeping soundly on Yuri’s shoulder. The taller girl shot her eyes open. Tiffany’s tears rolled down her cheeks when she knelt down in front of Jessica and Yuri. She cupped the older girl’s face softly when she barely can breathe anymore.
Yuri nodded her head to Tiffany as she stood up and dragged Yoona to their room, giving both of them some privacy.
“J-Jess… Jess…Jessica.”
No response.
Tiffany sat beside her girlfriend and shook her shoulder. Tears incessantly flowed down her cheeks.
“Jessi… wake… up!” She said.
Jessica didn’t even stir. “What a… sleepy… head!”
Tiffany frowned and leaned closer. Closing her eyes, she kissed Jessica’s lips softly, deeply.
Like it was their last.
She nibbled on Jessica’s lower lips and licked it until Jessica kissed her back. Her arms were unconsciously on Tiffany’s neck, pulling her closer. The younger girl smiled and pulled away from their kiss. She looked at Jessica’s face, her eyes still closed and her lips curled up, smiling.
This could be the last time she would ever see that angelic smile.
Jessica was smiling, and Tiffany hugged her tightly. Burying her face onto her neck and crying.
The older girl felt her neck wet and Tiffany’s sobs shook her body awake. Jessica was taken aback then proceeded to hug Tiffany tighter. What was happening? She was confused.
“Tiff..? Are you crying?”
Tiffany continued to sob.
“Tiffany, are you okay? What’s wrong??” Jessica pulled her away softly. The other girl’s face was wet of tears, the eye-bags making it look even worse. Jessica scowled and about to speak when Tiffany cut her.
“Jessi, will you do anything for me?”
“Huh?” She raised her eyebrows by the sudden awkward question. “What do you-“
“Just answer it!”
She never yelled to Jessica, ever. And Jessica was shock.
“Tiffany…”
“Just… answer it.” her voice softened. “Answer… me… please…”
“I… I will. I will.”
“Jessi, if I tell you everything, will you… forgive me? and… an-“
“I’ll always forgive you no matter what, okay? I’m not strong enough to live without you.”
That expression on Jessica’s face made Tiffany really want to kill herself. Jessica’s innocent and forgiving heart made her feel guilty even more.
But it was for Jessica. She was doing this for Jessica.
Tiffany sobbed harder and slid down, kneeling once again. Her tears fell like there’s no tomorrow. Jessica told her to get up but she resisted, begging that a thousand apology to Jessica was a must. She hurt her girlfriend in too many ways.
She realized everything, so late.
“Jess… F-Forgive me. I-I…” Tiffany bit her lower lip and lowered her head. “I… I-I am s-secretly… secretly d-dating… Taecyeon b-behind your… b-back.”
She didn’t look up at Jessica but she knew that Jessica looked at her in surprise.
“I t-thought…”
Jessica froze on her spot. Tiffany took steps backward and leaned against the empty wall, one hand hugging her knees while her other hand pulled her hair in frustration.
Jessica’s eyes were still there, looking at the previous space were Tiffany’s body settled. Mind screwed shut, her head was spinning, her heart breaking. Again.
Wasn’t everything she had done enough..?
Her vision got blurry by tears in an instant.
She was betrayed.
“L-Leave me, Jessi. Leave me.” Tiffany sobbed, ramming her head against the wall with her eyes close. “Leave me, you deserve someone better than me.” She tried to smile but failed.
“No…” Jessica whispered and shook her head beneath the tears. “No…”
No, no, no… I can’t… no…
“Leave me.” The other girl demanded.
“Nev-“
“LEAVE ME!!!” Tiffany yelled once more and buried her face in between her knees. Both of her hands pulled her hair as she sniffed, her breaths running out. “Just leave me!!! You don’t deserve me!! I thought you would do anything for me?!”
“I-I’m pleading you to leave me…”
The older girl bit her lip while wiping away her tears. “Tiff…”
“Shut up!!” Her voice was deep and sharp, she was hurt and broken and felt like a stupid ***** who told her perfect girlfriend to leave her because it was for her-Jessica. “Just shut the **** up and leave me!!”
Jessica lowered her head. “Why..?” She looked up and saw Tiffany staring back at her with swollen red eyes. “Why did you do that? Why do you love him so much?”
The girl in front of her stood up, hands balled into fists as she fought her tears from falling. She failed when she spoke, her voice trembling.
She has to lie this time, she has to tell Jessica lies, she has to make Jessica hurt to make her leave her. Tiffany gathered her strength.
“Because I never love you,”
“I never did.”
Jessica was shattering,
“Because you can’t give me anything like he gives me.”
It shattered a little bit more.
“Because every time we kiss, I could only imagine his face,” Tiffany slowly grazed her fingertips on her own lips. “I could taste him.”
Jessica stared and gasped while Tiffany stared back at her intensely. A hand gripped on Jessica’s chest like it could make her heart stop from breaking,
“Because…” Tiffany bit her lip and looked away. “Because… I didn’t stop loving him. And you’re the only reason why I was never happy…”
Jessica fought back the tears but fell more. She cried and cried while her heart turned into dust, half of her soul flew away from her body. She gave up and finally knelt down the floor. Her hand still gripped on her chest tightly while the other covered her mouth to keep her sobs to herself. But she can’t, it was too much, too painful to feel.
Tiffany watched and sobbed also, her body trembled.
Love has no empathy. Sometimes, to let go was to tell Jessica how much she really loves her, how much Tiffany really does.
I’m sorry Jessi… I love you…
She stood up weakly then turned her back from Jessica. Slowly, she walked to the front door but stopped when she was about to turn the door knob. Jessica whispered something to her which made her lose the hope that has yet to dangle.
“I give up,”
TBC