ciao
I love living life and trying new things but then I hate ending them. I am so confused. I just want things to stay the same and love the people I love and stay with them but it never works out that way and I hate it. My over analyzing of everything is killing me, I talk to someone and wonder if they are mad or yell at myself for texting too much or calling. I just love people and I love making friends and having people feel the same way. I think I am too afraid to lose people that I end up hurting myself because of my mind games. People say to me, “Just be you Mal” who the fuck is that? Am I the funny girl who is strange for making different voices and being crazy or am I the intellectual life lover who just wants to be a somebody. I am trying to find a combination of both but I am fighting with myself saying that these two opposites cannot possibly go together to create one being. I am 18 years old, is this too young to be thinking this much or breathing this much air out of silly words and regretful actions? Does a memoir really have to be for someone who is older and lived a full life? How about my own short life? People have lived in houses longer than I have lived my own life. I have so much to work for and so much to live but I don’t even know if I am strong enough or good enough to handle this type of commitment.