Flashbacks
Like I said in my last entry, I'm overall really happy. However, I am having flashbacks still, with alarming frequency, considering I'm on the highest dose of prozac a person can take on a daily basis.
Much of the time, I'm not remembering what my flashbacks have been about. This confuses me. Am I splintering off so that I don't have to deal with my memories?
I'm so tired of not having my whole self all the time. On the other hand, I don't think I want all parts of me to integrate.
I would much prefer that certain parts of me would go away. Preferably the parts that hold these memories. I appreciate their sacrifices and all, but they aren't doing me too much good if their control is going to slip and torment me, and cause me to split yet more. Can memories die? Can alters die?
No, I don't really want my memories to die. What I really yearn for is access to all of my mind. I hit walls far too often in my own mind. I understand and appreciate the fact that disassociate identity disorder probably saved my life, but I'm 26 now... can't I handle my experiences now, 21 years later?
I want the flashbacks to stop. I want to have my memories, and I want to experience them the way regular people experience their memories. I 'm so tired of the images and sounds and smells that flash through my mind and leave me feeling like a 5 year old all over again. I wish there were a cure for me.
Much of the time, I'm not remembering what my flashbacks have been about. This confuses me. Am I splintering off so that I don't have to deal with my memories?
I'm so tired of not having my whole self all the time. On the other hand, I don't think I want all parts of me to integrate.
I would much prefer that certain parts of me would go away. Preferably the parts that hold these memories. I appreciate their sacrifices and all, but they aren't doing me too much good if their control is going to slip and torment me, and cause me to split yet more. Can memories die? Can alters die?
No, I don't really want my memories to die. What I really yearn for is access to all of my mind. I hit walls far too often in my own mind. I understand and appreciate the fact that disassociate identity disorder probably saved my life, but I'm 26 now... can't I handle my experiences now, 21 years later?
I want the flashbacks to stop. I want to have my memories, and I want to experience them the way regular people experience their memories. I 'm so tired of the images and sounds and smells that flash through my mind and leave me feeling like a 5 year old all over again. I wish there were a cure for me.