the beauty of coming together in sorrow
100 super junior fics challenge ★
because everyone needs some challenge in their life
sucking freezies in the rain
started november 20, 2007 (technically april 15, 2008)
progress 12/100
011 rooftops (hankyung/sungmin) sungmin
jongwoon slides a finger under my jaw, his nail grazing my skin calculatingly. it's supposed to be a threat, it's supposed to feel good, it's supposed to make me feel. he fits my chin into his hand and pulls up, i look at him with a blank expression. i don't feel at all.
at his side, geng looks worried, concerned, and slightly frightened. "jongwoon, what're you doing?" he reaches out to touch me when jongwoon's grip tightens. his soft fingers pull on jongwoon's wrist gently, coaxingly. "you're going to hurt him." he slurs his words more than normal because of his worry, i can tell.
"hurt him?" jongwoon looks unaffected, simply amused. "hurt him?" he turns to geng. "hasn't he hurt you?"
"no, no," geng denies. "he hasn't done anything."
jongwoon looks back to me. i can see darkness in his eyes and it reminds me of fire, of desire, of lust, thrill, destruction. it tingles down my arms to my fingertips.
"no one has hurt me," geng pleads almost. he sounds heartbroken to me. "no one has hurt me, jongwoon." he pulls harder on jongwoon's arm but my face only gets tugged forward. i cringe and jongwoon seems pleased, lets go.
i still feel his hand, though, gripping more painfully now than before. what is more painful is to see how similar they are.
geng is at my side now, wrapping his arms around me. he's warm and some kind of mixture of delicate softness, a smell of innocence and honeydew, warm but very strong. when he pulls away, he gently pets the back of my head. "i'm sorry," he apologizes and gives me another small squeeze.
"but he's right," i point out. geng frowns, doesn't want to hear it, i know. jongwoon smirks behind geng like he wants to break out in laughter. i watch him, "i have hurt you, i've nearly broken you. i'll fix it. i'll fix it, okay?"
i know geng is crying. i feel the hurt slowly slide into my body as he hugs me again. his tears roll down his cheeks, down my neck still hot and full of anguish.
jongwon slides his arms around geng's hips and rests a cheek against his back. it's very strange being so close to him and his fingers seem to caress my face invisibly. i feel their likeness now more than ever. "sungmin," he says, "you should go now. you know you have no right to fuck with our lives. you know you're a liar. you should go."
geng weakly releases me. i look at him through the tears on his lashes. he isn't looking at me at all. his arms rest on my chest and then, suddenly, there's a small shove. i have to take a step back to regain balance.
"...geng...?"
"please go."
i feel him crumble with those words. i feel as if the entire world is crumbling beneath his feet, the walls deteriorating into dust as tears roll down his face. he cries and the world cries, the pain seems to permeate through skin, through muscle, it swims in my bloodstream and pounds in my heart. i can't breathe, i just stare, i watch him just wither, simply fade.
i hate myself more than i have ever hated anything in my entire life at this moment. i wish i could die. i wish i never existed.
012 chains (heechul/kangin) r kangin
i knock on the door and it takes only about twenty minutes for him to crack it open, just the width of the chain he uses to secure his door. "oh, it's you."
"i called!"
he shuts the door, i hear the chain sliding out of place and falling against the wood of the door frame before the door reopens. he looks like he could've been sleeping; strands of his bleached hair stand against the light. oddly, it looks like he has some kind of halo. i know heechul is anything but.
i walk in and turn around as he shuts the door, locks it, slips the chain back into place. when he turns around, i press him against the door and kiss him on the neck, slide my tongue up to circle beneath his ear, bite the lobe.
"youngwoon, stop it." a command. his fingers curl into my hair and he guides my head to his shoulder. i start shaking, trembling. "it's alright," he says softly, drumming into my head. he's being warm, gentle, he's being sympathetic and i choke.
"fuck," i swear. "fuck, fuck, fuck!" it burns behind my eyes like alcohol, like acid. "fuck!"
heechul's delicate hands rub small circles into my back as my body floods, dehydrates into his skin and makes dark stains into his shirt. i hear that laughter, those dimples at the corners of that mouth. i taste those lips, strawberry, his skin, cream, soft to the touch, sensitive.
all the questions come simply, afterthoughts, all those after-the-fact, i-should-have-done-that, simply torturous, questioning my sanity, my character, my personality, my being...
when i feel like i can no longer utter another disgusting breath, he gathers me tightly into his arms. "there will be others. there's always others. for you, for him, for everyone."
"seven hundred thirty seven days..." of his smile, of his simple presence, from the moment we met to this moment, small fragments of days to form a year two years an entire relationship based on lies. based on why-nots?
"you counted?" he sighs, i feel his whole body simply give up. "of course you counted." he drops his head next to mine. "i wish i could make all those days disappear."
he lifts my head up and presses his lips to mine. mine are wet, his are soft, precise, soothing. the difference hurts, stings down my throat. i want it to go away.
my hands slide down his front, hook into his sweats. "the couch," he says simply, and i back up, follow his lead as i always do, until i feel the armrest hit the back of my thighs. i pick him up, one hand here one hand there and fall back with him in my arms.
he doesn't take too long to throw my shirt off, press his teeth down my front, nibble and bite, teasing. i'm not forgetting. i pull myself further up until i can maneuver myself quickly on top of him, pin him down against the leather. i have to be in charge. i can't think of it.
he grabs my hand after i've slipped his sweats off and sucks on three of my fingers. i lay a gentle kiss on his forehead before i run my wetted fingers around his opening. i remember heechul likes this part, the preparation, a little teasing, he likes to be tortured.
one finger first, dipping into him. he gasps, takes in a breath, tilts his head back luxuriously. it looks perfect, like a picture of pleasure. i move my finger against him, out and then in again, and he bites his lip and presses his shoulders back as a way to control himself.
he mewls by the time i'm using three fingers. i remove them to kiss him, melt our lips together, slide our tongues past one another. i lift his legs and push into him as he draws a long breath until i'm all the way in. i move over him and his arms gracefully lift to my shoulders.
he groans underneath me after i slow my pace, his eyes closed like petals. i quicken, he bites his lip, groans again and i feel his nails dig into my back.
we come together, i know when he's near because he lets out a small bit of air and starts trembling, arching his back and moving to me. he lets me lay partially on him and runs designs into my arm with his fingernail.
"did you forget?" he asks. he looks sad, somehow.
"no."
a soft smile, subtle, vague, yet powerful: he is sad. i raise an arm so he can mold into my body. he does, his skin warm, his touch sort of calming. "i'm sorry i introduced you. there are some people i know i can't play. i shouldn't have."
i frown. "what?"
"i'm sorry, youngwoon."
← the thunder and the laughter ★ my heart grows colder with each day →
because everyone needs some challenge in their life
sucking freezies in the rain
started november 20, 2007 (technically april 15, 2008)
progress 12/100
011 rooftops (hankyung/sungmin) sungmin
jongwoon slides a finger under my jaw, his nail grazing my skin calculatingly. it's supposed to be a threat, it's supposed to feel good, it's supposed to make me feel. he fits my chin into his hand and pulls up, i look at him with a blank expression. i don't feel at all.
at his side, geng looks worried, concerned, and slightly frightened. "jongwoon, what're you doing?" he reaches out to touch me when jongwoon's grip tightens. his soft fingers pull on jongwoon's wrist gently, coaxingly. "you're going to hurt him." he slurs his words more than normal because of his worry, i can tell.
"hurt him?" jongwoon looks unaffected, simply amused. "hurt him?" he turns to geng. "hasn't he hurt you?"
"no, no," geng denies. "he hasn't done anything."
jongwoon looks back to me. i can see darkness in his eyes and it reminds me of fire, of desire, of lust, thrill, destruction. it tingles down my arms to my fingertips.
"no one has hurt me," geng pleads almost. he sounds heartbroken to me. "no one has hurt me, jongwoon." he pulls harder on jongwoon's arm but my face only gets tugged forward. i cringe and jongwoon seems pleased, lets go.
i still feel his hand, though, gripping more painfully now than before. what is more painful is to see how similar they are.
geng is at my side now, wrapping his arms around me. he's warm and some kind of mixture of delicate softness, a smell of innocence and honeydew, warm but very strong. when he pulls away, he gently pets the back of my head. "i'm sorry," he apologizes and gives me another small squeeze.
"but he's right," i point out. geng frowns, doesn't want to hear it, i know. jongwoon smirks behind geng like he wants to break out in laughter. i watch him, "i have hurt you, i've nearly broken you. i'll fix it. i'll fix it, okay?"
i know geng is crying. i feel the hurt slowly slide into my body as he hugs me again. his tears roll down his cheeks, down my neck still hot and full of anguish.
jongwon slides his arms around geng's hips and rests a cheek against his back. it's very strange being so close to him and his fingers seem to caress my face invisibly. i feel their likeness now more than ever. "sungmin," he says, "you should go now. you know you have no right to fuck with our lives. you know you're a liar. you should go."
geng weakly releases me. i look at him through the tears on his lashes. he isn't looking at me at all. his arms rest on my chest and then, suddenly, there's a small shove. i have to take a step back to regain balance.
"...geng...?"
"please go."
i feel him crumble with those words. i feel as if the entire world is crumbling beneath his feet, the walls deteriorating into dust as tears roll down his face. he cries and the world cries, the pain seems to permeate through skin, through muscle, it swims in my bloodstream and pounds in my heart. i can't breathe, i just stare, i watch him just wither, simply fade.
i hate myself more than i have ever hated anything in my entire life at this moment. i wish i could die. i wish i never existed.
012 chains (heechul/kangin) r kangin
i knock on the door and it takes only about twenty minutes for him to crack it open, just the width of the chain he uses to secure his door. "oh, it's you."
"i called!"
he shuts the door, i hear the chain sliding out of place and falling against the wood of the door frame before the door reopens. he looks like he could've been sleeping; strands of his bleached hair stand against the light. oddly, it looks like he has some kind of halo. i know heechul is anything but.
i walk in and turn around as he shuts the door, locks it, slips the chain back into place. when he turns around, i press him against the door and kiss him on the neck, slide my tongue up to circle beneath his ear, bite the lobe.
"youngwoon, stop it." a command. his fingers curl into my hair and he guides my head to his shoulder. i start shaking, trembling. "it's alright," he says softly, drumming into my head. he's being warm, gentle, he's being sympathetic and i choke.
"fuck," i swear. "fuck, fuck, fuck!" it burns behind my eyes like alcohol, like acid. "fuck!"
heechul's delicate hands rub small circles into my back as my body floods, dehydrates into his skin and makes dark stains into his shirt. i hear that laughter, those dimples at the corners of that mouth. i taste those lips, strawberry, his skin, cream, soft to the touch, sensitive.
all the questions come simply, afterthoughts, all those after-the-fact, i-should-have-done-that, simply torturous, questioning my sanity, my character, my personality, my being...
when i feel like i can no longer utter another disgusting breath, he gathers me tightly into his arms. "there will be others. there's always others. for you, for him, for everyone."
"seven hundred thirty seven days..." of his smile, of his simple presence, from the moment we met to this moment, small fragments of days to form a year two years an entire relationship based on lies. based on why-nots?
"you counted?" he sighs, i feel his whole body simply give up. "of course you counted." he drops his head next to mine. "i wish i could make all those days disappear."
he lifts my head up and presses his lips to mine. mine are wet, his are soft, precise, soothing. the difference hurts, stings down my throat. i want it to go away.
my hands slide down his front, hook into his sweats. "the couch," he says simply, and i back up, follow his lead as i always do, until i feel the armrest hit the back of my thighs. i pick him up, one hand here one hand there and fall back with him in my arms.
he doesn't take too long to throw my shirt off, press his teeth down my front, nibble and bite, teasing. i'm not forgetting. i pull myself further up until i can maneuver myself quickly on top of him, pin him down against the leather. i have to be in charge. i can't think of it.
he grabs my hand after i've slipped his sweats off and sucks on three of my fingers. i lay a gentle kiss on his forehead before i run my wetted fingers around his opening. i remember heechul likes this part, the preparation, a little teasing, he likes to be tortured.
one finger first, dipping into him. he gasps, takes in a breath, tilts his head back luxuriously. it looks perfect, like a picture of pleasure. i move my finger against him, out and then in again, and he bites his lip and presses his shoulders back as a way to control himself.
he mewls by the time i'm using three fingers. i remove them to kiss him, melt our lips together, slide our tongues past one another. i lift his legs and push into him as he draws a long breath until i'm all the way in. i move over him and his arms gracefully lift to my shoulders.
he groans underneath me after i slow my pace, his eyes closed like petals. i quicken, he bites his lip, groans again and i feel his nails dig into my back.
we come together, i know when he's near because he lets out a small bit of air and starts trembling, arching his back and moving to me. he lets me lay partially on him and runs designs into my arm with his fingernail.
"did you forget?" he asks. he looks sad, somehow.
"no."
a soft smile, subtle, vague, yet powerful: he is sad. i raise an arm so he can mold into my body. he does, his skin warm, his touch sort of calming. "i'm sorry i introduced you. there are some people i know i can't play. i shouldn't have."
i frown. "what?"
"i'm sorry, youngwoon."
← the thunder and the laughter ★ my heart grows colder with each day →