I refuse to keep going on like this. if they can stand up in front of the people they love, in a place they would be shunned for doing this at, for the love of Him, then I can too and I WILL too. I refuse to be kept down any longer.

I just want to write. i dont know why or what i want to write, i just want to write. i cant get the words right in my head, cant get them right on paper...virtually my reality is computing to be the silence of a wallflower ( Read more... )

i cant do this anymore. im not sure exactly which thing im talking about, though, to be honest. i just know i cant do it anymore. i cant deal with this situation the way i am any longer. how i fix that, i dont know, but i cant continue the way i am, for if i do, i will die ( Read more... )

i feel better physically, aside from the stuff from last night/two nights ago. whatever, though. thingsll be alright. emotionally, im still dealing, but ill be okay.

I hurt. physically, obviously, but i mean emotionally. i huyrt so badly right now. i talked to joe. it was a good thing, it really was. he told his mom, and she's alright now, she's telling his dad. he's scared about his dad knowing. im at the library avoiding telling my mom. i wish i didnt have to. im sick and tired of being sick, and being hurt, ( Read more... )

Well, I guess you could say everything is alright. I guess it ending is the best way. For it? For me? No. Neither of those. For him. Pathetic. I'm still trying to please him and this is way beyond over...

I dont want to see you. Ever again. I have to, I know. Not only because of band, but because of the library and because of life itsself. The Gydes, the Thompsons, Kaylea's kids, us...There's no getting around it. I cant avoid seeing you, as much as I want to. Why can't we just pretend this never happened ( Read more... )

Okay, so, as much as it does pain me to hear what christy told me....or, rather, what i guessed....its alright. im only worried about one thing, and thatll be alright in the long run. things will be okay without him. im pissed, however, that we had the conversation we did today AFTER he started dating her. that just makes me mad.

im scared. that's all there is to it. i want to run away, but how can i run away when i just told someone else today (yesterday) that they arent allowed to run.

I actually ate something last night and this morning. I was proud of myself. I ate applesauce at the Ernst's and I had soup for lunch today. No breakfast, but around noon I ate soup. It was a good thing. I'm still worried, but life is getting better, so it's easier to be less worried now. Does that make sense? I don't think it does. Not even to ( Read more... )