The Best AU. Also sex ed.
11:47:48 AM Mica: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
11:48:15 AM Mica: Welcome to the Marjorie Pots school of Sex Ed and Competitive Embarrassment
11:48:25 AM Aave: sob
11:48:44 AM Aave: davesprite is so no ok with this
11:48:56 AM Mica: Dave you are thirteen and thus do not get a vote.
11:49:17 AM Aave: HE IS FOURTEEN OKAY
11:50:06 AM Mica: You know, being a year older than the girl doesn't actually help your case, Dave.
11:50:37 AM Aave: but
11:50:39 AM Aave: 8(
11:50:55 AM Mica: no.
11:50:59 AM Mica: Bad Dave.
11:51:11 AM Mica: But yeah, she is going to make it her personal mission to bother you two.
11:51:36 AM Mica: It is the sacred right of every teenager to have the adults in his or her life brutally embarrass them until they learn the life skills.
11:51:45 AM Aave: yesss
11:51:49 AM Aave: i approve of this highly
11:51:54 AM Aave: though dave does not
11:54:32 AM Mica: Dave still doesn't get a vote, so we're coo'
11:54:46 AM Mica: Marj is going to teach Jade about all the things
11:54:57 AM Mica: and then she is gonna turn her loose
11:55:03 AM Mica: and go threaten Dave a little
11:55:15 AM Mica: And then she is going to sit back and relax
11:55:42 AM Mica: safe in the knowledge that at least Jade has absolutely no excuse if something bad happens.
11:56:00 AM Aave: sob
11:56:02 AM Aave: yes
11:57:01 AM Mica: Marjorie interrupts makus outtus
11:57:08 AM Mica: and makes Dave cry and scream like a girl
11:57:14 AM Mica: Ten points to Hufflepuff.
11:57:19 AM Aave: XD
11:57:34 AM Mica: Marj is so a Hufflepuff.
11:57:56 AM Mica: She's the best kind of Hufflepuff. Looks so cute and harmless, then stabs you in the knees.
11:58:01 AM Aave: yessss
11:58:13 AM Mica: Badgers, man.
11:58:17 AM Mica: Don't fuck with 'em.
11:58:24 AM Mica: Even Steve Irwin doesn't fuck with badgers.
11:58:41 AM Mica: Snakes? He'd pick those bitches right up. Bare hands and everything.
11:58:46 AM Mica: A badger? Fuck no.
11:59:02 AM Mica: "Hey look at that Badger. It's beautiful" he would say
11:59:05 AM Mica: from ten feet away
11:59:19 AM Mica: while the badger is in its den eyeing him
11:59:31 AM Mica: You know what happens if you pick up a badger with bare hands?
11:59:36 AM Mica: You don't get those hands back.
11:59:44 AM Aave: hdfhjljdhfjkgldhf
11:59:48 AM Mica: They belong to the badger now
12:00:21 PM Mica: Slytherin got nothin'.
12:00:35 PM Aave: yeah, slytherins are wussies
12:00:43 PM Mica: Ravens? People keep those bitches as pets. They got flocks of those feathery assholes in populated areas.
12:00:49 PM Mica: Lions? Fuck lions.
12:01:09 PM Mica: I've seen people go up and rub on lions like they were big housecats.
12:01:13 PM Mica: That would never happen with a badger.
12:01:31 PM Mica: Badger will fuck you up.
12:01:55 PM Mica: I bet the reason the Harry Potter books hardly ever mention Hufflepuff is because they're like the wizard version of Project Mayhem
12:02:00 PM Mica: YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB.
12:02:14 PM Aave: yes
12:02:19 PM Mica: yes.
12:02:24 PM Mica: I am now in love with this idea.
12:02:32 PM Aave: so am i
12:02:37 PM Aave: it is a beautiful idea
12:02:45 PM Mica: Hufflepuff is supposed to be all the humble everyman types. It totally works!
12:03:08 PM Mica: They get geek-sorted in school and proceed to take all the crappy jobs once graduated.
12:03:22 PM Mica: Like some kind of fast track to wizardly waitressing
12:03:38 PM Mica: But they are the secret power.
12:03:45 PM Aave: fuck yes
12:05:45 PM Mica: After the big nazi takeover in the later books
12:06:55 PM Mica: The death eaters stop going after Hufflepuffs and go after all the former Gryffindors and Ravenclaws after a group of former Hufflepuffs corner LeStrange in a bathroom and threaten to chop his balls off.
12:08:28 PM Mica: "The people you are after are the people you depend on. We brew your potions, we feed your owls, we connect your floo network, we service your broomsticks, we guard you while you sleep. Do not fuck with us."
12:08:47 PM Aave: yes
12:09:08 PM Mica: And of course he doesn't.
12:09:34 PM Mica: So "accidents" start to happen.
12:09:39 PM Mica: and then he straightens up.
12:09:44 PM Mica: Because you can fight Harry Potter.
12:09:52 PM Mica: He's just one twenty-something.
12:09:57 PM Mica: You can't fight beurocracy, man.
12:10:02 PM Mica: It'll roll over all y'all.
12:10:27 PM Aave: yes
12:10:29 PM Aave: i love this
12:10:47 PM Mica: Fight Club via Harry Potter
12:11:07 PM Mica: Awesome AU or Awesomest AU?
12:13:47 PM Aave: awesomest
12:13:51 PM Aave: no contest
12:16:32 PM Mica: Aave, let's write this fanfic and then drive the mods crazy by apping Potterverse Tyler Durden.
12:19:31 PM Mica: It can be ironic.
12:19:37 PM Aave: yes
12:19:40 PM Mica: We will use actual known hufflepuffs.
12:20:21 PM Mica: Cedric Diggory can be Tyler Durden.
12:20:38 PM Mica: (because we can use hilarious pictures from non-potterverse movies)
12:20:43 PM Aave: yes
12:20:52 PM Aave: (including Twilight)
12:21:04 PM Mica: (especially Twilight)
12:21:53 PM Mica: With Bella as a stand-in for the vapid Marla Singer
12:21:59 PM Aave: yesss
11:48:15 AM Mica: Welcome to the Marjorie Pots school of Sex Ed and Competitive Embarrassment
11:48:25 AM Aave: sob
11:48:44 AM Aave: davesprite is so no ok with this
11:48:56 AM Mica: Dave you are thirteen and thus do not get a vote.
11:49:17 AM Aave: HE IS FOURTEEN OKAY
11:50:06 AM Mica: You know, being a year older than the girl doesn't actually help your case, Dave.
11:50:37 AM Aave: but
11:50:39 AM Aave: 8(
11:50:55 AM Mica: no.
11:50:59 AM Mica: Bad Dave.
11:51:11 AM Mica: But yeah, she is going to make it her personal mission to bother you two.
11:51:36 AM Mica: It is the sacred right of every teenager to have the adults in his or her life brutally embarrass them until they learn the life skills.
11:51:45 AM Aave: yesss
11:51:49 AM Aave: i approve of this highly
11:51:54 AM Aave: though dave does not
11:54:32 AM Mica: Dave still doesn't get a vote, so we're coo'
11:54:46 AM Mica: Marj is going to teach Jade about all the things
11:54:57 AM Mica: and then she is gonna turn her loose
11:55:03 AM Mica: and go threaten Dave a little
11:55:15 AM Mica: And then she is going to sit back and relax
11:55:42 AM Mica: safe in the knowledge that at least Jade has absolutely no excuse if something bad happens.
11:56:00 AM Aave: sob
11:56:02 AM Aave: yes
11:57:01 AM Mica: Marjorie interrupts makus outtus
11:57:08 AM Mica: and makes Dave cry and scream like a girl
11:57:14 AM Mica: Ten points to Hufflepuff.
11:57:19 AM Aave: XD
11:57:34 AM Mica: Marj is so a Hufflepuff.
11:57:56 AM Mica: She's the best kind of Hufflepuff. Looks so cute and harmless, then stabs you in the knees.
11:58:01 AM Aave: yessss
11:58:13 AM Mica: Badgers, man.
11:58:17 AM Mica: Don't fuck with 'em.
11:58:24 AM Mica: Even Steve Irwin doesn't fuck with badgers.
11:58:41 AM Mica: Snakes? He'd pick those bitches right up. Bare hands and everything.
11:58:46 AM Mica: A badger? Fuck no.
11:59:02 AM Mica: "Hey look at that Badger. It's beautiful" he would say
11:59:05 AM Mica: from ten feet away
11:59:19 AM Mica: while the badger is in its den eyeing him
11:59:31 AM Mica: You know what happens if you pick up a badger with bare hands?
11:59:36 AM Mica: You don't get those hands back.
11:59:44 AM Aave: hdfhjljdhfjkgldhf
11:59:48 AM Mica: They belong to the badger now
12:00:21 PM Mica: Slytherin got nothin'.
12:00:35 PM Aave: yeah, slytherins are wussies
12:00:43 PM Mica: Ravens? People keep those bitches as pets. They got flocks of those feathery assholes in populated areas.
12:00:49 PM Mica: Lions? Fuck lions.
12:01:09 PM Mica: I've seen people go up and rub on lions like they were big housecats.
12:01:13 PM Mica: That would never happen with a badger.
12:01:31 PM Mica: Badger will fuck you up.
12:01:55 PM Mica: I bet the reason the Harry Potter books hardly ever mention Hufflepuff is because they're like the wizard version of Project Mayhem
12:02:00 PM Mica: YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB.
12:02:14 PM Aave: yes
12:02:19 PM Mica: yes.
12:02:24 PM Mica: I am now in love with this idea.
12:02:32 PM Aave: so am i
12:02:37 PM Aave: it is a beautiful idea
12:02:45 PM Mica: Hufflepuff is supposed to be all the humble everyman types. It totally works!
12:03:08 PM Mica: They get geek-sorted in school and proceed to take all the crappy jobs once graduated.
12:03:22 PM Mica: Like some kind of fast track to wizardly waitressing
12:03:38 PM Mica: But they are the secret power.
12:03:45 PM Aave: fuck yes
12:05:45 PM Mica: After the big nazi takeover in the later books
12:06:55 PM Mica: The death eaters stop going after Hufflepuffs and go after all the former Gryffindors and Ravenclaws after a group of former Hufflepuffs corner LeStrange in a bathroom and threaten to chop his balls off.
12:08:28 PM Mica: "The people you are after are the people you depend on. We brew your potions, we feed your owls, we connect your floo network, we service your broomsticks, we guard you while you sleep. Do not fuck with us."
12:08:47 PM Aave: yes
12:09:08 PM Mica: And of course he doesn't.
12:09:34 PM Mica: So "accidents" start to happen.
12:09:39 PM Mica: and then he straightens up.
12:09:44 PM Mica: Because you can fight Harry Potter.
12:09:52 PM Mica: He's just one twenty-something.
12:09:57 PM Mica: You can't fight beurocracy, man.
12:10:02 PM Mica: It'll roll over all y'all.
12:10:27 PM Aave: yes
12:10:29 PM Aave: i love this
12:10:47 PM Mica: Fight Club via Harry Potter
12:11:07 PM Mica: Awesome AU or Awesomest AU?
12:13:47 PM Aave: awesomest
12:13:51 PM Aave: no contest
12:16:32 PM Mica: Aave, let's write this fanfic and then drive the mods crazy by apping Potterverse Tyler Durden.
12:19:31 PM Mica: It can be ironic.
12:19:37 PM Aave: yes
12:19:40 PM Mica: We will use actual known hufflepuffs.
12:20:21 PM Mica: Cedric Diggory can be Tyler Durden.
12:20:38 PM Mica: (because we can use hilarious pictures from non-potterverse movies)
12:20:43 PM Aave: yes
12:20:52 PM Aave: (including Twilight)
12:21:04 PM Mica: (especially Twilight)
12:21:53 PM Mica: With Bella as a stand-in for the vapid Marla Singer
12:21:59 PM Aave: yesss