Taming A Lion
I promised that I would post the random story that came out of my in-class writing exercise in novel writing once I got back to residence (where livejournal works properly), so here it is. It's incredibly random, yet entertaining. It's not for marks, so don't feel obligated to critique it. So enjoy. :D
Gary is not like other lion tamers. First of all, he has no common sense. If he stuck his hand on a hot stove, he’d just wonder what was making that burning smell. He is also deathly allergic to cats. His mother once bought him a kitten and he nearly suffocated from his throat swelling up like a balloon. Most importantly of all, Gary has never seen a lion in his entire life.
Now that raises the question of how Gary could be a lion tamer if he has never seen a lion. It is quite simple: Gary is what people call “slow-witted” or “mentally-disabled”. His mother prefers the term “special”. Nevertheless, his mother has always encouraged him to do whatever he wants, and Gary wanted to be a lion tamer. Plus he loves swinging that whip around.
A simple glance at Gary is enough to know that he’s different. His hair is wildly unkempt and his brown eyes are constantly cross-eyed. He never wears any shoes, since none seem to fit both his feet. This isn’t because he has distorted feet, but rather because he constantly puts each shoe on the wrong foot. He has a great sense of humour; when people laugh at him, he just laughs along with them.
After years of flicking his whip around without a lion to tame, Gary decides to find a real one. His mother tells him that they live in Africa, so he immediately books a flight there. How he affords such a trip with a non-functional job is not important. After a very long flight and having to buy a new whip after airport security confiscated his, Gary finally arrives in Africa.
Gary is a go-getter; he likes to get things done as soon as possible. As soon as he steps outside the airport, he runs off into the African savannah. He wants to tame a lion right away. No-one pays any attention to the shoeless white man scurrying out into the middle of nowhere.
This is a good time to bring up that Gary still has no idea what a lion is. As far as he knows, they are just animals that live in Africa. He isn’t even aware that they are large carnivorous felines. This is clearly going to present a problem.
Out in the African savannah, there are many different kinds of animals. Of course there a lions, but there are also elephants, antelope, zebras, cheetahs, and many more. But one of great importance now is the giraffe, most specifically a particular giraffe.
There is one giraffe who wanders the African savannah who we will call Grace. Grace the giraffe; alliteration makes everything better. Grace is different from the other giraffes, but not in the same way that Gary is different from other humans. Grace is physically superior: she is slightly taller, her yellow and brown skin is flawless, and she has strong legs. For such a young giraffe, a teenager amongst her species, she is nearly perfect. She even has a slightly longer purple tongue that makes for a great French kiss. And Grace knows all of this. She is never afraid to flaunt what she’s got. She constantly brags to her inferior peers. Typical teenage attitude.
Now what does Grace have to do with Gary? Well that is simple: Grace is the first animal that Gary encounters. Seeing as he doesn’t know what a lion looks like, he assumes that Grace is a lion. Big mistake. He goes in with his whip snapping as he attempts to tame the tall creature.
It must be understood that Grace is not the type of giraffe to tolerate such a thing. This strange man is snapping a whip at her like she’s some cheap showgirl. She only shows off when she wants. No amount of whip-snapping is going to tame her.
Grace lets out a haughty sigh, since this fool will not go away. She steps closer, careful not to get hit with the whip. Gary flails his hand around randomly though, so there isn’t much force behind the snap of his whip. When she’s right in front of him, he then decides to stop. She cranes her head down, looks him straight in his cross-eyed eyes, and gives him a swift kick to the head. Once Gary is unconscious on the ground, Grace lifts her head up high and struts off.
But what about Gary? Don’t worry, he is okay. In fact, the kick to the head fixes his eyes; he can look straight ahead now. He returns home to his mother, after losing his whip to airport security again, and promptly gives up lion taming, since the profession is clearly too dangerous. Perhaps he’ll have better luck with a high-wire act instead.
Gary is not like other lion tamers. First of all, he has no common sense. If he stuck his hand on a hot stove, he’d just wonder what was making that burning smell. He is also deathly allergic to cats. His mother once bought him a kitten and he nearly suffocated from his throat swelling up like a balloon. Most importantly of all, Gary has never seen a lion in his entire life.
Now that raises the question of how Gary could be a lion tamer if he has never seen a lion. It is quite simple: Gary is what people call “slow-witted” or “mentally-disabled”. His mother prefers the term “special”. Nevertheless, his mother has always encouraged him to do whatever he wants, and Gary wanted to be a lion tamer. Plus he loves swinging that whip around.
A simple glance at Gary is enough to know that he’s different. His hair is wildly unkempt and his brown eyes are constantly cross-eyed. He never wears any shoes, since none seem to fit both his feet. This isn’t because he has distorted feet, but rather because he constantly puts each shoe on the wrong foot. He has a great sense of humour; when people laugh at him, he just laughs along with them.
After years of flicking his whip around without a lion to tame, Gary decides to find a real one. His mother tells him that they live in Africa, so he immediately books a flight there. How he affords such a trip with a non-functional job is not important. After a very long flight and having to buy a new whip after airport security confiscated his, Gary finally arrives in Africa.
Gary is a go-getter; he likes to get things done as soon as possible. As soon as he steps outside the airport, he runs off into the African savannah. He wants to tame a lion right away. No-one pays any attention to the shoeless white man scurrying out into the middle of nowhere.
This is a good time to bring up that Gary still has no idea what a lion is. As far as he knows, they are just animals that live in Africa. He isn’t even aware that they are large carnivorous felines. This is clearly going to present a problem.
Out in the African savannah, there are many different kinds of animals. Of course there a lions, but there are also elephants, antelope, zebras, cheetahs, and many more. But one of great importance now is the giraffe, most specifically a particular giraffe.
There is one giraffe who wanders the African savannah who we will call Grace. Grace the giraffe; alliteration makes everything better. Grace is different from the other giraffes, but not in the same way that Gary is different from other humans. Grace is physically superior: she is slightly taller, her yellow and brown skin is flawless, and she has strong legs. For such a young giraffe, a teenager amongst her species, she is nearly perfect. She even has a slightly longer purple tongue that makes for a great French kiss. And Grace knows all of this. She is never afraid to flaunt what she’s got. She constantly brags to her inferior peers. Typical teenage attitude.
Now what does Grace have to do with Gary? Well that is simple: Grace is the first animal that Gary encounters. Seeing as he doesn’t know what a lion looks like, he assumes that Grace is a lion. Big mistake. He goes in with his whip snapping as he attempts to tame the tall creature.
It must be understood that Grace is not the type of giraffe to tolerate such a thing. This strange man is snapping a whip at her like she’s some cheap showgirl. She only shows off when she wants. No amount of whip-snapping is going to tame her.
Grace lets out a haughty sigh, since this fool will not go away. She steps closer, careful not to get hit with the whip. Gary flails his hand around randomly though, so there isn’t much force behind the snap of his whip. When she’s right in front of him, he then decides to stop. She cranes her head down, looks him straight in his cross-eyed eyes, and gives him a swift kick to the head. Once Gary is unconscious on the ground, Grace lifts her head up high and struts off.
But what about Gary? Don’t worry, he is okay. In fact, the kick to the head fixes his eyes; he can look straight ahead now. He returns home to his mother, after losing his whip to airport security again, and promptly gives up lion taming, since the profession is clearly too dangerous. Perhaps he’ll have better luck with a high-wire act instead.