Another Left Turn (30 Rock, Jack/Liz)
Title: Another Left Turn
Prompt: 100_situations #002. Bathroom
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairing: Jack/Liz, mentioned Grizz/Liz
Spoilers: "Greenzo"
Word Count: 1,875
Rating: R
Table: Number Two.
Summary: Liz decides she and Jack should talk about what happened.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue!
*
During the morning meeting to discuss their collective shame, Liz is scared someone is going to mention what she and Jack did. Though nobody knows what they did -- thank God no one walked in... but what if someone saw them coming out of the bathroom right after each other, which could have caused some assumption-making... No one saw them, right? -- and Jack would never mention it, it's still... that would be the icing on the cake. Making grown men weep and having sex with her boss, which might have caused him to cry after he realized he'd let the effects of a Tracy Jordan party warp him so much that he took off... no, dropped his pants in her presence, then everyone knowing about the fact that she had sex with her boss (and maybe made him burst into tears).
At least she didn't... steal a sink?
Okay, maybe stealing a sink would have been a better thing to do, instead of all the things she actually did.
Thankfully: the sex is not alluded to. She's relieved. But later, when she and Jack are alone in his office, discussing ways to bring the first week of his division's Eco Initiative out on a high note (something has to be done to negate Greenzo's spectacular downfall, and Jack's phone call attempt to convince Al Gore to return -- during which Jack apparently made a very compelling argument for the earth trying to work *with* business -- ended with Gore saying he could now sense a penguin was in trouble, and hanging up... then Liz wanted to know if he saved the whale, and Jack looked at her as if she were crazy. "Do you honestly believe Al Gore can sense the distress of wildlife from miles away?" and Liz was kind of saddened by the implication he couldn't), she can't help but believe they have to talk about what occurred so it doesn't become this weird thing between them that festers and gets worse until one of them has a breakdown. Most likely, Liz.
Fine.
Liz knows she's going to have a breakdown unless they talk about it.
"Okay," she begins, after they've brought the topic at hand to a close (she didn't help at all, Jack claims; he's decided to re-air a Dateline special about Leonardo DiCaprio's love of koalas -- Jack may disapprove of heartthrobs being overtly feminine, but he can't deny Leo has his fans... then Liz said, "Have you seen him recently? He's super buff. He looks... good," and he was even more confident in his choice -- until he comes up with a proper replacement for Jared). "I don't know. I'm not good at this."
"We've already established your inability to brainstorm."
"No, not... At bringing up awkward stuff. I'm not good at bringing up awkward stuff." Then: "We should talk about what happened last night."
"We already had that meeting," he says. He touches his hair briefly, as if trying to remind himself that it's returned to a more reasonable state. "That meeting is over."
"No, not what happened with everyone... What we couldn't talk about in front of people." She lowers her voice even though they're the only ones in his office. In her defense, Jonathan could have the place bugged. "What happened between us."
He raises his eyebrows. "Us?"
"Yeah. Us."
(After her makeout session with Grizz, after he said this was moving too fast and he was feeling used, after Liz told him he was a failure at manhood and everything anyone could be a failure at, after she rolled her eyes at his tears, after she took off one of her boots and threw it at him, after she tried to walk on one heel, fell, then took off her other boot and threw that at Grizz, too, she stormed off to the bathroom.
Several minutes later, Jack entered without knocking. He let out a laugh. "Grizz won't stop crying." He grabbed a figurine off a shelf. "You truly do have a way with the menfolk, Lemon."
He stared down at the ceramic in his hand, which was a pleasant scene of two deer next to each other, hooves almost touching. The white base had Winter Love printed on it. He laughed again, almost affectionately, before throwing the deer at the wall.
"Menfolk?" she said, because apparently strange word usage was more troubling to her than random destruction. "You didn't knock. I could have been peeing. You could have seen me peeing."
"I know the difference between a woman going somewhere to relieve herself and a woman going somewhere to sulk. And you'd hardly be the first employee I've seen urinating this evening." He nudges her arm. "You should cheer up. Frank's thinking about starting a fire."
He grabbed another figurine -- this one a happy-looking pig with a curly tail -- and threw it at the same spot he'd used to destroy the deer.
"Fire is always a good thing," Jack continued. He laughed insanely again, before his visage turned more serious than usual. He looked her in the eyes, voice lowered to a melancholy rasp. He put his hand on her shoulder, as if he were imparting information he wanted her to truly, deeply consider. "Except when it's not. Then it's a horrible, horrible thing."
For some reason, those words -- or his touch or his intent gaze -- brought back the sexual frenzy Grizz created in her. "Kiss me, Jack." When he didn't respond right away, she said, "Ugh, don't be a pansy like Grizz and just do it."
He grabbed another figurine -- a ballerina with golden hair -- and threw it at the corner. It didn't shatter completely. He shrugged and pulled her close, kissing her hard on the mouth. Yeah, take that, Grizz. I am totally doable. Her hand went for his crotch.
"I must say," he said, letting a hand rest on her ass, "I approve of your sexual aggression."
"Stop talking and make your penis happy."
Somehow, it didn't seem like a weird way to demand a man get an erection. If she were a different person, she probably would have said something sexy.
Jack wasn't particularly bothered by her lack of finesse, or at least he didn't seem put off when he muttered, "It won't take long," groaning as she kept touching him.
He was right; in a few moments, he was half-hard, and not so long after that, he was completely so. His hand moved between her legs, stroking her through the couple of layers of fabric. She was so aroused, even that slight touch made her moan.
"Now, Jack. I want it now, so do it *now.*"
"Making demands... Drinking really brings out your inner masculinity." He paused. "Though it's not buried very deep, I suppose."
"Oh God, shut up, shut up. Just do it, Grizz."
He pulled out his wallet and retrieved a condom, tossing it on the sink before he pulled down her stockings and underwear in one go. Then his pants were around his ankles and he was putting the condom on.
A couple minutes after he pushed inside her, it was over.
It was not the worst sex she'd ever had.
Jack smiled. "You're welcome."
He threw the condom at the ceiling. Since it never came back down, she assumed it stuck. At the time, the disgustingness of that didn't occur to her. At the time, what she did was push him away.
"There are cupcakes out there," she said. "Get out of my way. Wait, I have to put my underwear back on first.")
Jack stares at her as she waits expectantly for a response. "To what are you referring, Lemon?"
"Come on, Jack, really? You're going to make me spell this out? Fine. I want to talk about..." She lowers her voice to a whisper again. "... the fact that we had sex."
He quickly responds with: "We most certainly did not."
"Yes, we did! In Kenneth's bathroom. You were done in, like, a minute and you were talking about fire. Not during the sex. Before the sex, you were talking about fire."
Jack laughs, one of those disbelieving cackles that generally comes with thoughts of the two of them and sex. Which, now that she thinks about it, are similar to his fire-related laughs from the previous night. "First of all, I don't find fire to be sexually stimulating. Secondly, I have never ejaculated that prematurely, or if you must know, prematurely at all. If anything I'm know for my stamina--"
"Enough!"
"I suppose I have made my point. But, to return to the starting point of this rather bizarre conversation, I'm certain we weren't intimate." His expression turns more serious. "Disturbingly enough, the closest thing I had to sexual contact of any sort last evening was..." Now he lowers his voice to a whisper. "... rubbing myself against Jason Lee's thigh."
"Jason Lee wasn't at the party."
Jack's eyes widen. "Oh dear God." He pauses. "Did you tell me to make my penis happy?"
She nods. "I did." She considers adding, 'You confused my vagina with Jason Lee's leg?' and then, 'You thought Jason Lee told you to make your penis happy?' and finally, 'You can imagine a scenario that would lead to you rubbing yourself against Jason Lee?' but she's thankfully able to stop herself. "So. It is coming back to you."
"It is." He exhales. "You're right, I was subpar. I sincerely apologize."
"Um. Okay. I accept your apology. I'm sorry for calling you Grizz."
There's a beat where he stares at her with a mix of shame and pity. She's pretty sure she's looking at him the same way.
"Lemon, did I throw a used condom on the ceiling?"
"Um... Oh. Yeah, you did." She scrunches up her face. "Do you think it's still up there?"
"I don't know." He frowns. "I've never done such a thing before."
"Well, at least it didn't fall on one of our heads. That would've ruined the point of using one."
"The purpose of a condom isn't to keep semen from getting in your hair."
"Gross."
"Perhaps, but at least I have a more accurate understanding of the purpose of prophylactics."
"I know what the purpose of a condom is. I'm just saying. I don't want man... stuff... in my hair." She pauses. "So. What are we going to do about this?"
"Nothing. We should simply forget that it ever happened. File it away deep in the recesses of our minds with the rest of that night of... exposure to the dark places in our souls."
She nods. "Works for me. That's what I wanted, really, to forget it. So we're agreed: we will never speak of this again."
"Yes, we're agreed." He stands up and holds out his hand. She shakes his hand; nods again. "We shall never speak of this again." He's still shaking her hand when he adds, "And I vow that, if we're ever intimate again in the future, I will do a better job of delaying my climax."
Liz's eyes widen briefly. "And I promise never to do it with you again."
"I suppose that would also work."
She pulls her hand away. "Okay. Good talk."
END
Prompt: 100_situations #002. Bathroom
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairing: Jack/Liz, mentioned Grizz/Liz
Spoilers: "Greenzo"
Word Count: 1,875
Rating: R
Table: Number Two.
Summary: Liz decides she and Jack should talk about what happened.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue!
*
During the morning meeting to discuss their collective shame, Liz is scared someone is going to mention what she and Jack did. Though nobody knows what they did -- thank God no one walked in... but what if someone saw them coming out of the bathroom right after each other, which could have caused some assumption-making... No one saw them, right? -- and Jack would never mention it, it's still... that would be the icing on the cake. Making grown men weep and having sex with her boss, which might have caused him to cry after he realized he'd let the effects of a Tracy Jordan party warp him so much that he took off... no, dropped his pants in her presence, then everyone knowing about the fact that she had sex with her boss (and maybe made him burst into tears).
At least she didn't... steal a sink?
Okay, maybe stealing a sink would have been a better thing to do, instead of all the things she actually did.
Thankfully: the sex is not alluded to. She's relieved. But later, when she and Jack are alone in his office, discussing ways to bring the first week of his division's Eco Initiative out on a high note (something has to be done to negate Greenzo's spectacular downfall, and Jack's phone call attempt to convince Al Gore to return -- during which Jack apparently made a very compelling argument for the earth trying to work *with* business -- ended with Gore saying he could now sense a penguin was in trouble, and hanging up... then Liz wanted to know if he saved the whale, and Jack looked at her as if she were crazy. "Do you honestly believe Al Gore can sense the distress of wildlife from miles away?" and Liz was kind of saddened by the implication he couldn't), she can't help but believe they have to talk about what occurred so it doesn't become this weird thing between them that festers and gets worse until one of them has a breakdown. Most likely, Liz.
Fine.
Liz knows she's going to have a breakdown unless they talk about it.
"Okay," she begins, after they've brought the topic at hand to a close (she didn't help at all, Jack claims; he's decided to re-air a Dateline special about Leonardo DiCaprio's love of koalas -- Jack may disapprove of heartthrobs being overtly feminine, but he can't deny Leo has his fans... then Liz said, "Have you seen him recently? He's super buff. He looks... good," and he was even more confident in his choice -- until he comes up with a proper replacement for Jared). "I don't know. I'm not good at this."
"We've already established your inability to brainstorm."
"No, not... At bringing up awkward stuff. I'm not good at bringing up awkward stuff." Then: "We should talk about what happened last night."
"We already had that meeting," he says. He touches his hair briefly, as if trying to remind himself that it's returned to a more reasonable state. "That meeting is over."
"No, not what happened with everyone... What we couldn't talk about in front of people." She lowers her voice even though they're the only ones in his office. In her defense, Jonathan could have the place bugged. "What happened between us."
He raises his eyebrows. "Us?"
"Yeah. Us."
(After her makeout session with Grizz, after he said this was moving too fast and he was feeling used, after Liz told him he was a failure at manhood and everything anyone could be a failure at, after she rolled her eyes at his tears, after she took off one of her boots and threw it at him, after she tried to walk on one heel, fell, then took off her other boot and threw that at Grizz, too, she stormed off to the bathroom.
Several minutes later, Jack entered without knocking. He let out a laugh. "Grizz won't stop crying." He grabbed a figurine off a shelf. "You truly do have a way with the menfolk, Lemon."
He stared down at the ceramic in his hand, which was a pleasant scene of two deer next to each other, hooves almost touching. The white base had Winter Love printed on it. He laughed again, almost affectionately, before throwing the deer at the wall.
"Menfolk?" she said, because apparently strange word usage was more troubling to her than random destruction. "You didn't knock. I could have been peeing. You could have seen me peeing."
"I know the difference between a woman going somewhere to relieve herself and a woman going somewhere to sulk. And you'd hardly be the first employee I've seen urinating this evening." He nudges her arm. "You should cheer up. Frank's thinking about starting a fire."
He grabbed another figurine -- this one a happy-looking pig with a curly tail -- and threw it at the same spot he'd used to destroy the deer.
"Fire is always a good thing," Jack continued. He laughed insanely again, before his visage turned more serious than usual. He looked her in the eyes, voice lowered to a melancholy rasp. He put his hand on her shoulder, as if he were imparting information he wanted her to truly, deeply consider. "Except when it's not. Then it's a horrible, horrible thing."
For some reason, those words -- or his touch or his intent gaze -- brought back the sexual frenzy Grizz created in her. "Kiss me, Jack." When he didn't respond right away, she said, "Ugh, don't be a pansy like Grizz and just do it."
He grabbed another figurine -- a ballerina with golden hair -- and threw it at the corner. It didn't shatter completely. He shrugged and pulled her close, kissing her hard on the mouth. Yeah, take that, Grizz. I am totally doable. Her hand went for his crotch.
"I must say," he said, letting a hand rest on her ass, "I approve of your sexual aggression."
"Stop talking and make your penis happy."
Somehow, it didn't seem like a weird way to demand a man get an erection. If she were a different person, she probably would have said something sexy.
Jack wasn't particularly bothered by her lack of finesse, or at least he didn't seem put off when he muttered, "It won't take long," groaning as she kept touching him.
He was right; in a few moments, he was half-hard, and not so long after that, he was completely so. His hand moved between her legs, stroking her through the couple of layers of fabric. She was so aroused, even that slight touch made her moan.
"Now, Jack. I want it now, so do it *now.*"
"Making demands... Drinking really brings out your inner masculinity." He paused. "Though it's not buried very deep, I suppose."
"Oh God, shut up, shut up. Just do it, Grizz."
He pulled out his wallet and retrieved a condom, tossing it on the sink before he pulled down her stockings and underwear in one go. Then his pants were around his ankles and he was putting the condom on.
A couple minutes after he pushed inside her, it was over.
It was not the worst sex she'd ever had.
Jack smiled. "You're welcome."
He threw the condom at the ceiling. Since it never came back down, she assumed it stuck. At the time, the disgustingness of that didn't occur to her. At the time, what she did was push him away.
"There are cupcakes out there," she said. "Get out of my way. Wait, I have to put my underwear back on first.")
Jack stares at her as she waits expectantly for a response. "To what are you referring, Lemon?"
"Come on, Jack, really? You're going to make me spell this out? Fine. I want to talk about..." She lowers her voice to a whisper again. "... the fact that we had sex."
He quickly responds with: "We most certainly did not."
"Yes, we did! In Kenneth's bathroom. You were done in, like, a minute and you were talking about fire. Not during the sex. Before the sex, you were talking about fire."
Jack laughs, one of those disbelieving cackles that generally comes with thoughts of the two of them and sex. Which, now that she thinks about it, are similar to his fire-related laughs from the previous night. "First of all, I don't find fire to be sexually stimulating. Secondly, I have never ejaculated that prematurely, or if you must know, prematurely at all. If anything I'm know for my stamina--"
"Enough!"
"I suppose I have made my point. But, to return to the starting point of this rather bizarre conversation, I'm certain we weren't intimate." His expression turns more serious. "Disturbingly enough, the closest thing I had to sexual contact of any sort last evening was..." Now he lowers his voice to a whisper. "... rubbing myself against Jason Lee's thigh."
"Jason Lee wasn't at the party."
Jack's eyes widen. "Oh dear God." He pauses. "Did you tell me to make my penis happy?"
She nods. "I did." She considers adding, 'You confused my vagina with Jason Lee's leg?' and then, 'You thought Jason Lee told you to make your penis happy?' and finally, 'You can imagine a scenario that would lead to you rubbing yourself against Jason Lee?' but she's thankfully able to stop herself. "So. It is coming back to you."
"It is." He exhales. "You're right, I was subpar. I sincerely apologize."
"Um. Okay. I accept your apology. I'm sorry for calling you Grizz."
There's a beat where he stares at her with a mix of shame and pity. She's pretty sure she's looking at him the same way.
"Lemon, did I throw a used condom on the ceiling?"
"Um... Oh. Yeah, you did." She scrunches up her face. "Do you think it's still up there?"
"I don't know." He frowns. "I've never done such a thing before."
"Well, at least it didn't fall on one of our heads. That would've ruined the point of using one."
"The purpose of a condom isn't to keep semen from getting in your hair."
"Gross."
"Perhaps, but at least I have a more accurate understanding of the purpose of prophylactics."
"I know what the purpose of a condom is. I'm just saying. I don't want man... stuff... in my hair." She pauses. "So. What are we going to do about this?"
"Nothing. We should simply forget that it ever happened. File it away deep in the recesses of our minds with the rest of that night of... exposure to the dark places in our souls."
She nods. "Works for me. That's what I wanted, really, to forget it. So we're agreed: we will never speak of this again."
"Yes, we're agreed." He stands up and holds out his hand. She shakes his hand; nods again. "We shall never speak of this again." He's still shaking her hand when he adds, "And I vow that, if we're ever intimate again in the future, I will do a better job of delaying my climax."
Liz's eyes widen briefly. "And I promise never to do it with you again."
"I suppose that would also work."
She pulls her hand away. "Okay. Good talk."
END