One Pill Makes You... Whatever (Liz/Carol, Jack/Avery, Jack/Liz)
Title: One Pill Makes You... Whatever
Prompt: 100_situations #054. Drugs
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairings: Liz/Carol, Jack/Avery, Jack/Liz
Spoilers: through "I Do Do"
Word Count: 1,147
Rating: PG
Table: Number Two.
Summary: The only problem is the sex.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue!
*
Carol is as perfect as Liz thought he was. He's got a great sense of humor, awesome forearms, likes TV, doesn't mind her horrible foot thing, and is nice to his mother. (She hasn't met his mother yet, but she's overheard him talking to her on the phone. Jack thinks this might be a ruse, and Liz thinks Jack is overly cynical for a man in love with a woman who's going to have his baby.) Anyway, Carol is perfect.
The only problem is the sex.
She broaches this subject to Jack over lunch using these words: "He wants to do it all the time."
(She should have led up to this. She should have talked to him over the phone. But she always loses her compass for these things when it's summer and she doesn't see him every day.)
Jack, as usual, bristles at the mention of her sex life, taking offense at its existence. She can't blame him; she's not too crazy about the stupid thing either.
"And the worst part," she continues, "is that I can't say 'Oh, I have to work tomorrow' because it's summer. Summer messes up the 'no weekday sex' rule, and I *hate* it." She leans forward, resting a hand on the table. "Help me out. You're my buddy, right? Give me a summer series or something."
"I don't have the budget to create a show that exists solely as an excuse for you to back out of subpar intercourse."
"I didn't say it was bad."
"If it were *good,* having it wouldn't be an irritant."
"No, I'm just... you know me. Sex isn't, you know, a thing for me. It's fine, I guess, the way he does it. But I don't want to do it all the time." She pauses. "On the plus side, he's out of town a lot. But then he comes back and I realize, damn it, it's been a week since I had sex with him so now I have to let him get to business so he won't dump me."
"You should see Leo about your problem."
"What, does he have a pill that diminishes a dude's sex drive so a lady can get some peace?"
"Of course not, Lemon; he's an eccentric, not a monster. You should go for yourself."
"No, no. I am not letting Dr. Spaceman be my sex therapist. I'm not letting *anyone* be my sex therapist, but I bet that guy would be even more gross about it than a regular sex therapist."
"I'm not saying you need to subject yourself to more therapy." He says this with disgust, and Liz is kind of surprised; she knows he's not nuts about therapy, but she assumed adding sex to it would make the concept more acceptable. "He's recently developed his version of female Viagra. He's tested it on himself and is certain that if he were a woman, the result would be intense arousal."
"That doesn't sound right, Jack. At all."
He hesitates. "What if I told you I'm sure it's effective?"
"You pretended to be a woman and downed a couple?"
"If you must know--"
"I do not--"
"Avery has had some trouble recently."
Liz, as usual, grimaces the way does when confronted with the idea of Jack and sex. Or, rather, specific details of his sex life. She can deal with the fact that he has sex; she just doesn't want to think of what might be going on when he does.
But Jack either doesn't notice her expression or dismisses it. "It was because of the pregnancy, or rather, the decrease in energy it caused. She wasn't enthused or engaged even when I took the reins and let her receive all the pleasure--"
"No more details!"
"My point is, the pill could be beneficial. Wouldn't you *like* to be in a stable relationship?"
"I am in a stable relationship. I just want this stable relationship to feature less sex. Is that too much to ask?"
"I don't know Carol very well but, yes, it is too much to ask. He isn't asking for sex every moment of the day, and you've been seeing him for a couple of months; no man expects a dead sex life that early into a love affair."
"But it's not dead; it's just not very lively."
"People, like all animals, are sexual creatures who crave physical intimacy--"
"You're saying I should be an animal?"
"I'm saying you should join humanity."
"Well, that's not overly dramatic."
"And, if you can't do so naturally, take advantage of what the pharmaceutical industry has to offer so you can have a lasting relationship with this perfect man and actually enjoy yourself during sex."
Liz, as usual, makes a face at the mention of her and sex, then nods. "I guess I should give it a try. Maybe that's all I need. A pill. And then my sex life will be..." She lets out a breath. "...fun."
"If you'd like, I could give you one of Avery's."
"Why do you have her pills?"
"I always keep a bottle at hand in case she comes up to my office or wishes to meet me in a restaurant bathroom while I'm seeing someone for lunch--"
"Yikes. Why did I ask?" She brings her glass to her mouth, freezes before she takes a sip. "Is that why you were in the bathroom for so long?"
He tilts his head. "To answer your question, I'll only reaffirm that the pills are effective, and that you and Carol will see results very soon after you take one."
"I am going out with him tonight..." She fishes a pocket pack of Kleenex out of her purse and slides it over so he can put the pill in a tissue. "If this doesn't work--"
"Then it's Carol's problem after all." He wraps up the pill. Liz catches a woman a couple tables down watching them, judging them. She nods because, well, most of the time she is the woman who's sitting alone and making assumptions about strangers. "In that case, there's a book Leo could recommend to him."
Liz takes the tissue and tucks it into her bag. She finds herself frowning. "Why can't sex be easy?"
"It will be, Lemon," he replies. "It will be."
END
Prompt: 100_situations #054. Drugs
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairings: Liz/Carol, Jack/Avery, Jack/Liz
Spoilers: through "I Do Do"
Word Count: 1,147
Rating: PG
Table: Number Two.
Summary: The only problem is the sex.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue!
*
Carol is as perfect as Liz thought he was. He's got a great sense of humor, awesome forearms, likes TV, doesn't mind her horrible foot thing, and is nice to his mother. (She hasn't met his mother yet, but she's overheard him talking to her on the phone. Jack thinks this might be a ruse, and Liz thinks Jack is overly cynical for a man in love with a woman who's going to have his baby.) Anyway, Carol is perfect.
The only problem is the sex.
She broaches this subject to Jack over lunch using these words: "He wants to do it all the time."
(She should have led up to this. She should have talked to him over the phone. But she always loses her compass for these things when it's summer and she doesn't see him every day.)
Jack, as usual, bristles at the mention of her sex life, taking offense at its existence. She can't blame him; she's not too crazy about the stupid thing either.
"And the worst part," she continues, "is that I can't say 'Oh, I have to work tomorrow' because it's summer. Summer messes up the 'no weekday sex' rule, and I *hate* it." She leans forward, resting a hand on the table. "Help me out. You're my buddy, right? Give me a summer series or something."
"I don't have the budget to create a show that exists solely as an excuse for you to back out of subpar intercourse."
"I didn't say it was bad."
"If it were *good,* having it wouldn't be an irritant."
"No, I'm just... you know me. Sex isn't, you know, a thing for me. It's fine, I guess, the way he does it. But I don't want to do it all the time." She pauses. "On the plus side, he's out of town a lot. But then he comes back and I realize, damn it, it's been a week since I had sex with him so now I have to let him get to business so he won't dump me."
"You should see Leo about your problem."
"What, does he have a pill that diminishes a dude's sex drive so a lady can get some peace?"
"Of course not, Lemon; he's an eccentric, not a monster. You should go for yourself."
"No, no. I am not letting Dr. Spaceman be my sex therapist. I'm not letting *anyone* be my sex therapist, but I bet that guy would be even more gross about it than a regular sex therapist."
"I'm not saying you need to subject yourself to more therapy." He says this with disgust, and Liz is kind of surprised; she knows he's not nuts about therapy, but she assumed adding sex to it would make the concept more acceptable. "He's recently developed his version of female Viagra. He's tested it on himself and is certain that if he were a woman, the result would be intense arousal."
"That doesn't sound right, Jack. At all."
He hesitates. "What if I told you I'm sure it's effective?"
"You pretended to be a woman and downed a couple?"
"If you must know--"
"I do not--"
"Avery has had some trouble recently."
Liz, as usual, grimaces the way does when confronted with the idea of Jack and sex. Or, rather, specific details of his sex life. She can deal with the fact that he has sex; she just doesn't want to think of what might be going on when he does.
But Jack either doesn't notice her expression or dismisses it. "It was because of the pregnancy, or rather, the decrease in energy it caused. She wasn't enthused or engaged even when I took the reins and let her receive all the pleasure--"
"No more details!"
"My point is, the pill could be beneficial. Wouldn't you *like* to be in a stable relationship?"
"I am in a stable relationship. I just want this stable relationship to feature less sex. Is that too much to ask?"
"I don't know Carol very well but, yes, it is too much to ask. He isn't asking for sex every moment of the day, and you've been seeing him for a couple of months; no man expects a dead sex life that early into a love affair."
"But it's not dead; it's just not very lively."
"People, like all animals, are sexual creatures who crave physical intimacy--"
"You're saying I should be an animal?"
"I'm saying you should join humanity."
"Well, that's not overly dramatic."
"And, if you can't do so naturally, take advantage of what the pharmaceutical industry has to offer so you can have a lasting relationship with this perfect man and actually enjoy yourself during sex."
Liz, as usual, makes a face at the mention of her and sex, then nods. "I guess I should give it a try. Maybe that's all I need. A pill. And then my sex life will be..." She lets out a breath. "...fun."
"If you'd like, I could give you one of Avery's."
"Why do you have her pills?"
"I always keep a bottle at hand in case she comes up to my office or wishes to meet me in a restaurant bathroom while I'm seeing someone for lunch--"
"Yikes. Why did I ask?" She brings her glass to her mouth, freezes before she takes a sip. "Is that why you were in the bathroom for so long?"
He tilts his head. "To answer your question, I'll only reaffirm that the pills are effective, and that you and Carol will see results very soon after you take one."
"I am going out with him tonight..." She fishes a pocket pack of Kleenex out of her purse and slides it over so he can put the pill in a tissue. "If this doesn't work--"
"Then it's Carol's problem after all." He wraps up the pill. Liz catches a woman a couple tables down watching them, judging them. She nods because, well, most of the time she is the woman who's sitting alone and making assumptions about strangers. "In that case, there's a book Leo could recommend to him."
Liz takes the tissue and tucks it into her bag. She finds herself frowning. "Why can't sex be easy?"
"It will be, Lemon," he replies. "It will be."
END