(no subject)
Clear as mud? For example. I was at Sydney Uni for 6 months in 2001 - hated it. Hated the people, the atmosphere of snobbery. It felt a uni that people only went to so they could say they went to Sydney Uni (don't be offended if you go there, please. You're not the people who I hated, or you wouldn't be reading this.) So I went to most of my classes, but by the time exams rolled around I'd decided it wasn't for me. So I only went to one exam, Sociology, which I'd been going really well in all semester. I'd taken my text book to the exam so I could study a little before hand, and when I sat down, looked around me and realised Oh my god, this is an open book exam - how lucky I brought my text book to revise earlier. So, I obivously didn't wow the exam as I went from a D to an overall Credit, but that's ok. Credits are fine.
So then teaching sounds good - I enrol in ACU and get in, and shake off the nagging feeling that keeps growing that hey, you can barely talk in front of your friends, let alone an entire class. Fuhgedabardit, I thought. It'll all be alright on the night, etc.
It wasn't. I did it, I taught some classes, and hated it. I'm just not comfortable having 30 people looking to me for what to do. I am not a leader, and I know it's unpopular to say that. I'm just not. So, we only got to try teaching out for the first time 3 years into a 4 year combined bachelor of teaching/bachelor of arts degree, and oops, I don't want to finish. So, I'm looking to finish with a Bachelor of Arts in Literature. As my curriculum subjects I've been doing don't count in the Arts sequence, I need to do about 7 subjects the following semester if I wanted to finish my Arts degree last year. So I enrolled in American Lit, Blake, Theo (compulsary), Pacific Islanders History, credit for socio at USYD and a subject that solely involved a 2 week work experience and a 2000 word essay. Like, that's it.
If I hadn't gone to the socio exam with the text book, I'd still be at uni right now, as Malcolm wasn't going to let me take more than 5 subjects (even though I'd done 6 the year before - admittedly, not too well). So, I had a killer semester, and during the 2 week work experience met lizzie_g, who is an all round fantastic person and the only one I've ever met who a)knows Karl and b)goes OMG YARRRRR IT'S URBAN!! Never would have met her otherwise, which would have been a damn shame. Finished my Arts degree with a BA in Lit and then got into a design course at UWS, which I'd decided I'd wanted to do since spending time with Di at UNSW Press (my 2 week work experience). SO I start it, and I don't like it. Can't bear the thought of 4 more years of uni, almost kills me and I think I'm going crazy, why am I such a loser etc. Apply for a bunch of jobs, don't get any, and my sister suggests I go for a job her friend told her about at Random House publishing. The interviews were almost over, but Anna was obviously not convinced she had the right person. I go in, she likes me, likes that I did a 2 week block at UNSW Press, and gives me the job. I start the job, in production, and hate the shit out of it, and tell her I'm not going to stay.
the purpose of this very long winded and boring discussion is to say that I've now decided that that last change in my circumstance actually wasn't for my own benefit, not solely. The girl who got the job appeared to be a perfect fit, and had come straight out of a publishing course (and hadn't heard about the job last time). I'm thinking I took the job from whoever was going to have it and keep it so that she could eventually fall into it. I hope it's something she loves. I like thinking I helped.
I never said it was profound. I'm just happy that I can relax a bit. I guess this is what religion does for some. Is this religion? I don't think so. I don't know.