In the Weird World Where KangTeuk Has a Kid
Title: In the Weird World Where KangTeuk Has a Kid
Pairing: Kangin/Leeteuk, Hangeng/Heechul, Eunhyuk/Donghae, and other members as extra ;P
Genre: Crack
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don’t own the members, only this little original character.
Summary: KangTeuk’s kid explores in the dressing room and encounters many…weirdos.
Warning: This is a total crack. I hit on the wall and my brain was damaged and god of bullshit obsessed me and… ok, simply because I’m stupid this way. Oh, and I’m making an innocent kid say inappropriate things. Almost sinful things. Now I’m officially cracked.
****
“Ya, stop screaming like an idiot, Appa is here with you!”
Kangin kicked open the door to the dressing room, yelling at a baggage in his left arm. Every member in the room looked at the door in surprise, but just smiled and soon went back to their individual activities as grasping the situation by the sight. It was no longer rare to encounter the scene like this for them lately.
“Noooo, I want Umma! No Appa! Where’s Teukie Umma!? Umma!! Ummaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!”
The baggage in Kangin’s arm, Kangin and Leeteuk’s three-year-old son actually, was kicking and screaming at his father with protest.
“I told you, Teukie Umma is busy with a meeting now. He’ll be back soon, ok? You promised him to be a good boy, didn’t you?”
Kangin put the kid down on the floor like a real baggage and massaged his temple. His beloved son sometimes gave him the biggest headache in the world. He didn’t know how Leeteuk could always deal with this all peacefully. Well, no wonder actually, because he had been a mother of 11 boys (Kangin excluded himself of course), so one wouldn’t even count for him.
The boy, whose name was Youngsu, pouted but nodded unwillingly at the word. His thick eyelashes were wet with tears, but it still didn’t detract his manliness already shown in his strong gaze and the lips pressed tightly in a straight line.
Youngsu had thick black hair and eyes, his perfectly arched eyebrows and the bridge of nose leading from them were outstanding even in his young feature. His jaw was stiff enough to show his manliness, and those big hands and foots told that he would be a big guy figured finely with muscles. To be short, Youngsu was an exact copy of his father, Kangin. The dimple showing up on the corner of his mouth descended from Leeteuk was the only point to distinguish him from the old pictures of Kangin in childhood. And his stomach was not chubby as his dad’s, of course. At least not yet.
The day the child had been born was the happiest day ever for Kangin and Leeteuk, but Kangin couldn’t help feeling a tiny bit of disappointment in his beloved child’s looks; he had wanted an exact copy of his angel, Leeteuk, to be honest.
Everybody laughed at how resembled they were, and Kangin was of course happy and proud of it as a father. As the child grew up, however, people got to laugh harder because the resemblance was apparent not only in their appearance but also in their likings. To be short again, Youngsu was the biggest mama’s boy in the whole planet.
Kangin couldn’t agree to this opinion, because he never rolled on the floor crying for Leeteuk’s name…at least in public. However, the general opinion said; Like father, like son. Kangin had heard this phrase more often than ‘good morning’ or ‘fuck you’ in this past three years.
He looked down the miniature version of his replica holding onto his leg, and patted his head affectionately. Youngsu was ordinary a very clever and lovable youngster. Once losing the biggest obsession of his whole life- Umma Teukie, however, he became a stubborn ass. It was too bad Shindong was not here today, because he was a natural-born pierrot who knew every single way to entertain children.
“Look, Youngsu, if you behave yourself and cause no trouble on Appa, Teukie will come back soon. Why don’t you just play with someone here? Look there, they have cookies.”
Kangin indicated Sungmin and Ryeowook who were holding something looked like a tea party. They noticed the attention and waved their hands happily at the kid. Youngsu looked at the direction but soon looked back at his dad, apparent frown on his small face.
“Appa, I’m a man. I don’t play with girls.”
Kangin let out a laughter.
“Are they girls to you?”
“…They look sissy. He’s wearing pink, Appa”, the kid lowered his voice.
Kangin let out a bigger laughter. He indeed was his son.
“OK, I understand. Then, uh, how about playing PSP?” Kangin looked around the room and found a pair of twins whose brains were equally soft and unoccupied as Youngsu’s. “Ya! Donghae and Eunhyukie! Did you bring PSP today?”
“Of course, hyung! Youngsu-yah, come here! We’ve installed a new game!”
Eternal twins yelled back cheerfuly, and Youngsu’s eyes sparkled with excitement finally.
“Don’t forget to be a good boy. Got it?”
Kangin told his son emphatically, but the son was already on the run. Kangin sighed in relief and collapsed on the chair tiredly. In fact, he was missing his Teukie as much as Youngsu was.
Kangin stepped toward the mirror for some stupid makeup, then the loud scream of excitement split his ears. He soon looked back and yelled.
“Youngsu!! I told you to behave!!”
“…Sorry hyung, it was me.”
Donghae raised his hand apologetically with the sheepish eyes. Kangin sighed heavily and went back to the mirror. He couldn’t take any more kids.
**
Youngsu loved playing games, but because the twins started to cuddle each other and play in their own world of bullshit, Youngsu decided to explore the room by himself.
First, he encountered a perfect gentleman surrounding his perfectly trained body with perfectly pressed white shirt and pants. His hair was also perfectly combed.
“Come here, boy. I’ll read you a book”, the gentleman flashed a perfectly whitened teeth.
“What kind of?”, the kid asked suspiciously.
“The Bible, of course. It’s good for a little child like yo-“
“Maybe next time.”
Youngsu walked away.
Next, Youngsu found a guy talking to a huge turtle on his lap. It was huge. Really.
“What are you talking with a turtle?”, Youngsu asked.
“Turtles never talk.”
“I know that”, the kid said complainingly, “That’s why they’re boring.”
“They live much longer than you imagine. Show your respect to them.”
“Weirdo”, the kid murmured.
“…I hate you.”
“Appa said you’re a weirdo so I don’t have to listen to you”, Youngsu kindly informed.
“I hate you and your Appa.”
Youngsu wandered around the room again and encountered a thin young guy busying himself with some kind of complicated game Youngsu didn’t recognize. Youngsu peeped at the screen of the laptop and read…Star…? Something.
“This one is too high-minded for an unintelligent child like you”, the guy said without averting his eyes from the laptop.
“I didn’t say I wanna play that.”
Youngsu said feeling offended. He didn’t know the reason but this young guy was always a little mean to him. Umma had once said he was thinking too much and his ‘manknae’ was a total good boy. Appa, on the other hand, had dragged him into shadows and secretly commanded him to watch out for the guy when he was in private with Umma. Youngsu hadn’t really got the point, but nodded firmly. Protecting Umma Teukie was his first priority.
Youngsu stuck his tongue at the back of the guy and looked back to find his father sending him thumbs-up from the makeup counter. Youngsu smiled and sent back the sign proudly.
**
“He’s just like you, Kangin-ah.”
Heechul leant against the makeup counter and giggled.
“He’s such a good boy like me, huh?”
“Can’t wait to see you and your little kid start fighting for the space next to Teukie in bed”, the elder smirked.
“No competition, he’s just a kid.”
Kangin looked back and smiled at the scene he found. Youngsu was now on Sungmin’s lap being fed homemade cookies by Ryeowook, and the kid looked totally blissful. Who called them sissy?
Youngsu was loved by everyone, and Kangin thought it was one of the great gifts the kid had inherited from Leeteuk.
“Well, I’ll go make fun of him.”
Heechul murmured mockingly and walked toward the kid, and Kangin watched it with a smile. Heechul had indeed changed. No one could have ever imagined Kim Heechul baby-sitting before Hangeng had come back from China three years ago to clear all his lawsuit and chosen to live his life with Heechul, like, forever. They had been spending half of year in Korea and the other half in China since then, and Heechul could not look happier in this past three years.
Then, the door opened to reveal the expected person.
“Umma! Ummaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!”
Youngsu dashed the moment he had found Leeteuk and tackled him. His eyes were slightly wet again, but in happiness and relief this time. Leeteuk swept up the child into his arms and kissed on the hair fondly.
“My little bear-boy! Have you been a good boy? Is everyone nice to you?”
“Yesung said he hates me”, Youngsu claimed as his face buried into Leeteuk’s chest.
“…What did you say to him before he said so?”
Leeteuk asked, because he knew how Yesung and Kangin were like, and he knew it could be applied to Yesung and Youngsu.
“Weirdo.”
“Then I think that’s your fault, my dear”, Leeteuk answered softly with a sigh.
“He told me to respect turtles!”
“Well, then that’s his fault”, Leeteuk concluded.
“Thank god, you’re back!”
Kangin returned from the torture of makeup and hugged his angel altogether with the kid in its arms and placed a kiss on the sensual lips of his angel, a bit too long for a greeting. Leeteuk closed his eyes contentedly in the embrace.
“Is everything okay, Kangin-ah?”
“Absolutely. I’m great.”
Kangin cuddled the elder closer and inhaled the sweet scent of his hair dreamingly. It was his own son who pushed him away the next moment to retrieve the attention from Leeteuk.
“Umma, I have a question.”
“What is it, my dear?”, Leeteuk asked tenderly, never imagining his own son would bring a hell of panic the next moment.
“Can I fuck you when I grow up?”, Youngsu asked with pure puppy-eyes.
Both Kangin and Leeteuk, and maybe some other people who overheard it, dead froze in a moment. It didn’t take two seconds for Leeteuk to explode in panic.
“W-Who told you that word!?”
Leeteuk shook the kid’s body hard demanding an answer, and Youngsu innocently pointed at a man sending a big grin with his fingers forming “V”.
“KIM HEECHUL, HOW COULD YOU #$%&!?%$&%$&’#&$$#????!?!?!?!!”
Leeteuk almost passed out in shock. Heechul hid behind Hangeng instantly, giggling like a devil. Hangeng sent an apologetic look toward the upset parents instead of his indecent partner. Kangin sighed heavily. Well, he has not changed that much.
Leeteuk covered his little son’s small body by his own to protect him from the devil and looked the son in his eyes. He was too desperate to notice the fear in those little eyes of Youngsu caused by the sudden change of his normally-sweet-angelic Umma.
“Stay away from Uncle Heechul.”
“But I like him!”, Youngsu resisted.
“No. He’s harmful for minors. And don’t you ever use that word!”
“Why? Is it bad?”
“Very.”
“But Uncle Heechul said Appa is fucking you. Is it bad, too?”
Leeteuk’s jaw dropped in disbelief. Heechul was much worse than devil. He was a disaster. Leeteuk lost in words and looked at his husband for help. How could he give a sex education to three-year-old boy?
Kangin coughed theatrically before staring to speak.
“No, it is not bad, boy. Only Appa is allowed to…do it.”
“Why? Why not me?”
“Because Leeteuk is mine.”
“Is that the point?”, Kyuhyun pointed out from nowhere.
“Noooooo!!! Umma is Youngsu’s!!! Youngsu’s!!!!!!”, the kid cried out, punching his father in full might.
“No, Youngsu, you have to take this. He is totally mine”, Kangin threatened his own son in the dead serious tone.
“STOP IT YOUNGWOON!”, Leeteuk punched his partner in the face.
“You mean Youngsu?”, Kangin asked, rubbing his now-red cheek.
“I mean you, brainless useless Kim Youngwoon! How could you say the things like that to our boy!?”
Leeteuk dragged his son away from Kangin and hugged him protectively in his arms.
“Stay away from Uncle Heechul and Appa. Okay?”
“Yes, Umma. As long as I have you”, Youngsu nodded with satisfaction and hugged back his beautiful Umma tightly.
****
I warned you this was a crack. Hey, stop throwing stones at me!
Pairing: Kangin/Leeteuk, Hangeng/Heechul, Eunhyuk/Donghae, and other members as extra ;P
Genre: Crack
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don’t own the members, only this little original character.
Summary: KangTeuk’s kid explores in the dressing room and encounters many…weirdos.
Warning: This is a total crack. I hit on the wall and my brain was damaged and god of bullshit obsessed me and… ok, simply because I’m stupid this way. Oh, and I’m making an innocent kid say inappropriate things. Almost sinful things. Now I’m officially cracked.
****
“Ya, stop screaming like an idiot, Appa is here with you!”
Kangin kicked open the door to the dressing room, yelling at a baggage in his left arm. Every member in the room looked at the door in surprise, but just smiled and soon went back to their individual activities as grasping the situation by the sight. It was no longer rare to encounter the scene like this for them lately.
“Noooo, I want Umma! No Appa! Where’s Teukie Umma!? Umma!! Ummaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!”
The baggage in Kangin’s arm, Kangin and Leeteuk’s three-year-old son actually, was kicking and screaming at his father with protest.
“I told you, Teukie Umma is busy with a meeting now. He’ll be back soon, ok? You promised him to be a good boy, didn’t you?”
Kangin put the kid down on the floor like a real baggage and massaged his temple. His beloved son sometimes gave him the biggest headache in the world. He didn’t know how Leeteuk could always deal with this all peacefully. Well, no wonder actually, because he had been a mother of 11 boys (Kangin excluded himself of course), so one wouldn’t even count for him.
The boy, whose name was Youngsu, pouted but nodded unwillingly at the word. His thick eyelashes were wet with tears, but it still didn’t detract his manliness already shown in his strong gaze and the lips pressed tightly in a straight line.
Youngsu had thick black hair and eyes, his perfectly arched eyebrows and the bridge of nose leading from them were outstanding even in his young feature. His jaw was stiff enough to show his manliness, and those big hands and foots told that he would be a big guy figured finely with muscles. To be short, Youngsu was an exact copy of his father, Kangin. The dimple showing up on the corner of his mouth descended from Leeteuk was the only point to distinguish him from the old pictures of Kangin in childhood. And his stomach was not chubby as his dad’s, of course. At least not yet.
The day the child had been born was the happiest day ever for Kangin and Leeteuk, but Kangin couldn’t help feeling a tiny bit of disappointment in his beloved child’s looks; he had wanted an exact copy of his angel, Leeteuk, to be honest.
Everybody laughed at how resembled they were, and Kangin was of course happy and proud of it as a father. As the child grew up, however, people got to laugh harder because the resemblance was apparent not only in their appearance but also in their likings. To be short again, Youngsu was the biggest mama’s boy in the whole planet.
Kangin couldn’t agree to this opinion, because he never rolled on the floor crying for Leeteuk’s name…at least in public. However, the general opinion said; Like father, like son. Kangin had heard this phrase more often than ‘good morning’ or ‘fuck you’ in this past three years.
He looked down the miniature version of his replica holding onto his leg, and patted his head affectionately. Youngsu was ordinary a very clever and lovable youngster. Once losing the biggest obsession of his whole life- Umma Teukie, however, he became a stubborn ass. It was too bad Shindong was not here today, because he was a natural-born pierrot who knew every single way to entertain children.
“Look, Youngsu, if you behave yourself and cause no trouble on Appa, Teukie will come back soon. Why don’t you just play with someone here? Look there, they have cookies.”
Kangin indicated Sungmin and Ryeowook who were holding something looked like a tea party. They noticed the attention and waved their hands happily at the kid. Youngsu looked at the direction but soon looked back at his dad, apparent frown on his small face.
“Appa, I’m a man. I don’t play with girls.”
Kangin let out a laughter.
“Are they girls to you?”
“…They look sissy. He’s wearing pink, Appa”, the kid lowered his voice.
Kangin let out a bigger laughter. He indeed was his son.
“OK, I understand. Then, uh, how about playing PSP?” Kangin looked around the room and found a pair of twins whose brains were equally soft and unoccupied as Youngsu’s. “Ya! Donghae and Eunhyukie! Did you bring PSP today?”
“Of course, hyung! Youngsu-yah, come here! We’ve installed a new game!”
Eternal twins yelled back cheerfuly, and Youngsu’s eyes sparkled with excitement finally.
“Don’t forget to be a good boy. Got it?”
Kangin told his son emphatically, but the son was already on the run. Kangin sighed in relief and collapsed on the chair tiredly. In fact, he was missing his Teukie as much as Youngsu was.
Kangin stepped toward the mirror for some stupid makeup, then the loud scream of excitement split his ears. He soon looked back and yelled.
“Youngsu!! I told you to behave!!”
“…Sorry hyung, it was me.”
Donghae raised his hand apologetically with the sheepish eyes. Kangin sighed heavily and went back to the mirror. He couldn’t take any more kids.
**
Youngsu loved playing games, but because the twins started to cuddle each other and play in their own world of bullshit, Youngsu decided to explore the room by himself.
First, he encountered a perfect gentleman surrounding his perfectly trained body with perfectly pressed white shirt and pants. His hair was also perfectly combed.
“Come here, boy. I’ll read you a book”, the gentleman flashed a perfectly whitened teeth.
“What kind of?”, the kid asked suspiciously.
“The Bible, of course. It’s good for a little child like yo-“
“Maybe next time.”
Youngsu walked away.
Next, Youngsu found a guy talking to a huge turtle on his lap. It was huge. Really.
“What are you talking with a turtle?”, Youngsu asked.
“Turtles never talk.”
“I know that”, the kid said complainingly, “That’s why they’re boring.”
“They live much longer than you imagine. Show your respect to them.”
“Weirdo”, the kid murmured.
“…I hate you.”
“Appa said you’re a weirdo so I don’t have to listen to you”, Youngsu kindly informed.
“I hate you and your Appa.”
Youngsu wandered around the room again and encountered a thin young guy busying himself with some kind of complicated game Youngsu didn’t recognize. Youngsu peeped at the screen of the laptop and read…Star…? Something.
“This one is too high-minded for an unintelligent child like you”, the guy said without averting his eyes from the laptop.
“I didn’t say I wanna play that.”
Youngsu said feeling offended. He didn’t know the reason but this young guy was always a little mean to him. Umma had once said he was thinking too much and his ‘manknae’ was a total good boy. Appa, on the other hand, had dragged him into shadows and secretly commanded him to watch out for the guy when he was in private with Umma. Youngsu hadn’t really got the point, but nodded firmly. Protecting Umma Teukie was his first priority.
Youngsu stuck his tongue at the back of the guy and looked back to find his father sending him thumbs-up from the makeup counter. Youngsu smiled and sent back the sign proudly.
**
“He’s just like you, Kangin-ah.”
Heechul leant against the makeup counter and giggled.
“He’s such a good boy like me, huh?”
“Can’t wait to see you and your little kid start fighting for the space next to Teukie in bed”, the elder smirked.
“No competition, he’s just a kid.”
Kangin looked back and smiled at the scene he found. Youngsu was now on Sungmin’s lap being fed homemade cookies by Ryeowook, and the kid looked totally blissful. Who called them sissy?
Youngsu was loved by everyone, and Kangin thought it was one of the great gifts the kid had inherited from Leeteuk.
“Well, I’ll go make fun of him.”
Heechul murmured mockingly and walked toward the kid, and Kangin watched it with a smile. Heechul had indeed changed. No one could have ever imagined Kim Heechul baby-sitting before Hangeng had come back from China three years ago to clear all his lawsuit and chosen to live his life with Heechul, like, forever. They had been spending half of year in Korea and the other half in China since then, and Heechul could not look happier in this past three years.
Then, the door opened to reveal the expected person.
“Umma! Ummaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!”
Youngsu dashed the moment he had found Leeteuk and tackled him. His eyes were slightly wet again, but in happiness and relief this time. Leeteuk swept up the child into his arms and kissed on the hair fondly.
“My little bear-boy! Have you been a good boy? Is everyone nice to you?”
“Yesung said he hates me”, Youngsu claimed as his face buried into Leeteuk’s chest.
“…What did you say to him before he said so?”
Leeteuk asked, because he knew how Yesung and Kangin were like, and he knew it could be applied to Yesung and Youngsu.
“Weirdo.”
“Then I think that’s your fault, my dear”, Leeteuk answered softly with a sigh.
“He told me to respect turtles!”
“Well, then that’s his fault”, Leeteuk concluded.
“Thank god, you’re back!”
Kangin returned from the torture of makeup and hugged his angel altogether with the kid in its arms and placed a kiss on the sensual lips of his angel, a bit too long for a greeting. Leeteuk closed his eyes contentedly in the embrace.
“Is everything okay, Kangin-ah?”
“Absolutely. I’m great.”
Kangin cuddled the elder closer and inhaled the sweet scent of his hair dreamingly. It was his own son who pushed him away the next moment to retrieve the attention from Leeteuk.
“Umma, I have a question.”
“What is it, my dear?”, Leeteuk asked tenderly, never imagining his own son would bring a hell of panic the next moment.
“Can I fuck you when I grow up?”, Youngsu asked with pure puppy-eyes.
Both Kangin and Leeteuk, and maybe some other people who overheard it, dead froze in a moment. It didn’t take two seconds for Leeteuk to explode in panic.
“W-Who told you that word!?”
Leeteuk shook the kid’s body hard demanding an answer, and Youngsu innocently pointed at a man sending a big grin with his fingers forming “V”.
“KIM HEECHUL, HOW COULD YOU #$%&!?%$&%$&’#&$$#????!?!?!?!!”
Leeteuk almost passed out in shock. Heechul hid behind Hangeng instantly, giggling like a devil. Hangeng sent an apologetic look toward the upset parents instead of his indecent partner. Kangin sighed heavily. Well, he has not changed that much.
Leeteuk covered his little son’s small body by his own to protect him from the devil and looked the son in his eyes. He was too desperate to notice the fear in those little eyes of Youngsu caused by the sudden change of his normally-sweet-angelic Umma.
“Stay away from Uncle Heechul.”
“But I like him!”, Youngsu resisted.
“No. He’s harmful for minors. And don’t you ever use that word!”
“Why? Is it bad?”
“Very.”
“But Uncle Heechul said Appa is fucking you. Is it bad, too?”
Leeteuk’s jaw dropped in disbelief. Heechul was much worse than devil. He was a disaster. Leeteuk lost in words and looked at his husband for help. How could he give a sex education to three-year-old boy?
Kangin coughed theatrically before staring to speak.
“No, it is not bad, boy. Only Appa is allowed to…do it.”
“Why? Why not me?”
“Because Leeteuk is mine.”
“Is that the point?”, Kyuhyun pointed out from nowhere.
“Noooooo!!! Umma is Youngsu’s!!! Youngsu’s!!!!!!”, the kid cried out, punching his father in full might.
“No, Youngsu, you have to take this. He is totally mine”, Kangin threatened his own son in the dead serious tone.
“STOP IT YOUNGWOON!”, Leeteuk punched his partner in the face.
“You mean Youngsu?”, Kangin asked, rubbing his now-red cheek.
“I mean you, brainless useless Kim Youngwoon! How could you say the things like that to our boy!?”
Leeteuk dragged his son away from Kangin and hugged him protectively in his arms.
“Stay away from Uncle Heechul and Appa. Okay?”
“Yes, Umma. As long as I have you”, Youngsu nodded with satisfaction and hugged back his beautiful Umma tightly.
****
I warned you this was a crack. Hey, stop throwing stones at me!