Healing Wings, Chapter Four
Here's chapter four of my AU!AU fic, Healing Wings. Ennis, a cancer patient, and Jack, a paraplegic, are roommates at Healing Wings, a long-term care facility for kids and teens.
Even though Healing Wings was a hospital, it was still a bunch of kids and teenagers in the same place-so a social hierarchy was still firmly in place, and Jack Twist was still somewhere near the top. He wasn’t the very top-he didn’t care enough, so he never would be-but he was up there. And it bothered Ennis to no end.
He didn’t know why it bothered him so much, but it did. Every time some kid came over at dinner to slap Jack’s back and tell him how cool he was for going down the hallway on his back two wheels, Ennis scowled. Every time a girl batted her eyelashes and blushed in Jack’s direction, Ennis growled. And when the meal ladies gave Jack an extra chocolate pudding every chocolate pudding night, Ennis could hardly contain himself.
But the worst part was that Ennis didn’t get mad at Jack; no, Jack was still funny and sarcastic and cocky and his dark lashes rimming those blue eyes still made Ennis stare longer than he should. But Jack was another boy and Ennis wasn’t…whatever. He just wasn’t. He liked plenty of girls and wasn’t Alma his girlfriend or something?
But that didn’t explain his jealousy. And it certainly didn’t explain the flips his stomach did when Jack grabbed his arm or smacked his shoulder or peeled off his shirt at the end of the day. Ennis always found a reason to turn away when Jack changed, because he didn’t trust himself to watch.
Just then Ennis realized everyone was staring at him-one of his biggest pet peeves. His shoulders came up to meet his ears instinctively.
“¿De dónde éres, Ennis?” The teacher repeated, her annoyed frown indicating that she’d asked at least one other time.
“Uh…” Ennis didn’t know what she was saying. Was she asking where he was from or where he was going? Probably where he was from, since he wasn’t going anywhere. Or was she asking how old he was? He knew it was one of those. Maybe? “Wyoming.” He finally said. Someone behind him snorted and he figured he’d guessed wrong.
“Soy de Wyoming.” She corrected with a frown. “¿Dónde en Wyoming?”
Ennis sighed. He wasn’t good at Spanish. Just like he wasn’t good at math or reading or science or any other stupid subject in school. He was good with horses-why couldn’t he take a class on them? He was good with land, too. And if he lived to grow up he was going to work with those two things, so why did he have to suffer through all this useless shit?
“Soy de Sage.” He muttered. She smiled.
“Bien.” Then she moved on to torture someone else. Ennis slumped in his seat, hoping he wouldn’t be expected to say anything else for the rest of the period. He didn’t like answering questions even when he knew the answer (or the question, for that matter). He didn’t like everyone looking at him.
The teacher’s eyes lit on Jack, with his head down on his desk and drooling. He wasn’t even pretending to pay attention. She clapped her hands twice and called his name. He woke with a jerk.
“I didn’t do anything.” He said groggily. Everyone laughed, but not at him, with him. He grinned sheepishly at the teacher, who pursed her lips angrily back at him.
“¿Qué hora es?” She asked peevishly. Ennis had no idea what that meant. A girl two seats to his left looked bored and rolled her eyes like it was the easiest question in the world. Ennis glowered at her for good measure. She was one of Jack’s biggest fans, always giggling at him instead of actually saying something.
“Uh…” Jack chuckled and looked around. “Any ideas?” He shrugged at Ennis. Ennis shook his head.
“Amarillo?” Ennis suggested. He didn’t know what possessed him to say it-he just knew if he said something stupid Jack would probably laugh. And Jack did laugh. Hard. So did most of the other kids in class. Their teacher was less amused, and Jack and Ennis were rewarded for their shenanigans with detention. But kids kept grinning at Ennis, and the girl he’d been glaring at even winked at him. When class was finally over and Jack and Ennis had collected their detention slips, someone slapped Ennis on the back.
“Del Mar, who knew you were funny?” The boy crowed. His name was Troy and he was kind of annoying, but nice enough.
“I did.” Jack said, not smiling like his usual self. “Ennis cracks jokes all the time.”
“To who, his pillow?” Troy snorted. “He don’t talk to no one else.”
Ennis felt his ears getting hot. His little joke didn’t seem worth it anymore. Sure, he’d gotten the reaction from Jack that he’d wanted, but now everyone else was butting in on them. Troy walked off, still chortling. Jack looked up at Ennis and reached up and poked his belly.
“I’ve always known you’re funny.” He told his friend loyally.
“Thanks.” Ennis muttered, not wanting Jack to know that his finger on Ennis’s stomach had made his heart jump into his throat.
“But you know,” Jack continued, as he always did. “Troy’s right. You don’t talk enough, Ennis. I mean, you got things to say. Funny things, smart things, whatever. Why don’t you just say what you wanna say?”
Ennis grunted and Jack gave him a look. “What?” He asked defensively.
“Ennis, a grunt is a not an answer to a question. Not even most yes or no questions.”
“I don’t know, Jack. Is that better?”
“Not really.” Jack frowned up at him. “Are you afraid people will make fun of you for whatever you’re saying?” He wasn’t joking or teasing now. He was looking so earnestly at Ennis it made Ennis’s cheeks burn. But for once, Jack wasn’t taking his blush as an answer. He wanted Ennis to actually say something.
“I just…” Ennis sighed. “Just don’t see why anyone would listen to me. I’m just some dumb redneck, you know?”
“Ennis, who told you you’re dumb?” Jack switched gears and Ennis was a little confused.
“Uh…well, I am.”
“Says who?”
“I…” Ennis was really uncomfortable with where this was going. But those eyes were sucking him in, and he found himself blurting, “My dad.”
“Your dad told you you’re stupid?”
“Well, you know, just when I did something dumb…left a gate open or plowed a row crooked or whatever. And I got a big brother and sister, you know, so being the youngest…” He shrugged. “Not a big deal.”
“Well you’re not dumb.” Jack said firmly. “My daddy’s the same way-always telling me how stupid I am or how useless I am, but guess what, Ennis? Daddies don’t always know everything.”
He didn’t say this with any hint of amusement or happiness, and Ennis could see the little boy in there who still wished his daddy could always have the answers.
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Detention was long and boring and they weren’t allowed to talk. Ennis had been in detention plenty of times, for not doing his homework or for getting in fights. He used to punch anyone who looked at him funny. Now he was just too damn tired to do anything more than squirm.
Jack pushed a game of tic-tac-toe at him, but the detention monitor took it and crumpled it before Ennis could even decide to be the x or the o. Jack sighed loud and long to demonstrate his displeasure. The monitor didn’t even blink, just kept right on walking.
They finally got to go eat dinner, and when they’d made their way through the rubbery chicken and crunchy rice to the dry, crumbly cookies, Jack asked Ennis what his favorite dessert was.
“Well…” Ennis considered. Certainly nothing he’d had here. “I like peach cobbler.” He said, a little shy. Most people were all about chocolate cake or apple pie or something, but Ennis loved peach cobbler something fierce.
“Yeah?” Jack asked. “Your mama make it on your birthday every year?”
“Uh, no.” Ennis bit his lip. “Peaches were too ‘spensive. Had it at a church picnic once, when I was ‘bout eight. Never got the taste of it outta my mouth.” The left side of his mouth quirked up wistfully.
“You’ve only had it once?” Jack asked incredulously.
“Well, they serve it here sometimes, in the summer, but…” He shrugged. “Ain’t the same, you know? Use canned peaches and all that.”
“Damn, Ennis. Leave it to you to want something just outta reach.” Jack shook his head. Ennis fought a groan. Jack had no idea.
One of the office secretaries came over just then, a slip of yellow paper folded in half in her hand. She slid the paper across the table to Ennis. “You got a message.” She said, like if she didn’t tell him he’d think it was a love note or something.
“Thank you, ma’am.” He opened it up and squinted at it, forcing the little blurry lines into letters. “My brother and sister are coming to visit!” He said after he’d read it, grinning wide and not trying to hide it.
“No way!” Jack just fueled his enthusiasm more by being excited for him. “When?”
“Friday afternoon. I’m starting chemo up again Monday, and they wanted to come Sunday but K.E.’s gotta work. And Grace’s gonna bring her boys!”
“Your sister’s got kids?”
“Yeah, two boys. They’re great. The oldest is…what, five now? Can’t wait for you to meet ‘em. You’ll love ‘em.”
Jack couldn’t help but smile at the excitement written all over Ennis’s face. He wasn’t just half-smiling; he was beaming. He had the widest smile Jack had ever seen and it made him look like a little kid.
“Can’t wait.”
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Ennis was antsy for the rest of the week. Friday couldn’t come quick enough. Wednesday night, Jack’s mama called and said she and the old man were coming to see him Saturday. Jack was happy to see his mom, but he could do without his dad.
“John, come say hi to your son.” Jack’s mom said, smile in her voice. Jack heard nothing but silence. “Well…he had to go back out to the barn real quick.” She finally lied quietly. Jack told himself he didn’t care. Maybe if he said it enough he’d convince himself.
Finally, it was Thursday night. Jack had never seen Ennis act this way before. He was humming to himself while he brushed his teeth and his laugh came quick and easy. He’d told Jack three different stories about him and his brother getting in trouble when they were kids and either getting a whooping or somehow escaping. K.E. sounded like a handful, Jack decided. Most of the stories involved K.E. doing something stupid while Ennis stood guard.
“You always got whooped too, even though it was K.E. doing it?” Jack asked after another story, this one having something to do with the neighbor’s daughter skinny dipping in the creek.
“Yeah.” Ennis said with a shrug. “I was his lookout. I coulda told on him ‘fore he did it, or stopped him. But I didn’t.”
“How much older than you is he?”
Ennis counted in his head for a second. “Six years.”
“And your sister?”
“She’s two years older’an K.E. so…eight years older than me.”
“So she was eighteen when your parents died? How old was she when she got married?” Jack didn’t know why he was so interested. He just wanted Ennis to keep talking, and he seemed happy to talk about his family.
“She got married the same year our folks died. And then she had some trouble having kids, at first. Took her two years to finally have one. ‘S why she’s only got two, even though she’s been married for, what, seven years? If you knew Grace…well, she’s always wanted lots a kids. So it was kinda hard on her. The doctors don’t think she can have any more, either.” He frowned and Jack wished he hadn’t brought it up.
“That’s too bad.” Jack said.
“Yeah…our mama had the same problem. That’s why there’s such a big gap between me’n K.E. Had a miscarriage between us.”
“Yeah, my mom too.” Jack said. “I wouldn’t a been an only child, but none of the other babies made it.”
“Wonder why?” Ennis mused. “What makes it happen?”
“Prob’ly God didn’t want to make no one else have my daddy.” It slipped out before Jack could stop it, with more bitterness than Ennis had expected.
“Your daddy…” Ennis hesitated. “Your daddy hit you?” He asked softly.
Jack shrugged. “Sure.” He tried to sound flippant but instead his voice was strained. “He pissed on me once, too, when I was four. I didn’t make it to the toilet and he…well, he taught me not to pee on myself anymore.”
Ennis couldn’t think of anything to say. His blood was boiling at the thought of a baby Jack getting beat on and pissed on by his daddy. Daddies were supposed to be heroes.
“Son of a bitch.” Ennis heard himself growl.
“Yeah, he called me that too.” Jack forced out a laugh. “He hit my mama more than he hit me.” His hands clenched into fists. “He don’t do it anymore, though. Got this new job, we got more money now and he ain’t home as much. Better all around.”
Jack looked so morose Ennis found himself wanting to hug him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever had the urge to hug another person before, besides maybe his mama when he was little. But he couldn’t hug Jack-Jack was a guy. The silence got a little awkward.
“Well.” Ennis broke the silence. “Do you, uh, need help getting in bed?” Shit, why’d he ask that? Sounded like he wanted to get in there with him. Which he didn’t want to do. No, really, he didn’t. Keep telling yourself that. That stupid voice in the back of his head said harshly. Maybe someday you’ll convince someone. Jack stared at him for a long minute.
“Yeah,” he finally said. “Think I do.”
Something in the room shifted when Ennis went over to Jack. They stared at each other for a second before Ennis had to look away. There was something in those blue eyes that made him feel skittish. His heart was pounding and his mouth was dry. Jack kept licking his bottom lip and that certainly wasn’t helping anything.
“Uh…” Jack was nervous as hell for some reason. “How…” This was ridiculous. Ennis was just trying to be nice to him and here he was acting like a freak. He cleared his throat. “How you wanna do this?” He forced out, then winced, because that sounded like they were going to do something…else. And he didn’t want to do that with Ennis.
…Right?
Holy shit! Jack screamed in his head. You sick freak!
He was determined not to let Ennis in on this new discovery. Ennis’d probably kick his ass into three years from now if he ever found out.
“I’ll, uh…grab your legs and put ‘em up there. If that’s okay…” Ennis’s voice petered out toward the end.
“What? Oh, yeah. Sounds…good.”
Jack braced his arms on the bed and Ennis swung his legs up on the bed for him. The whole encounter had lasted less than a minute, but both of them felt it a lot longer.
“Thanks.” Jack managed. Ennis’s hands were still resting on Jack’s legs, though Jack couldn’t feel it. He stared at the place where Ennis’s hands met his legs. He knew he should be able to feel the weight of those long fingers, but he couldn’t. He found himself desperately wishing he could.
Ennis finally pulled his hands away. “Sure ‘nough.” He murmured in response to Jack’s thanks. He walked over and flipped off the light, plunging the room into darkness. Jack forced his brain to shut up and let him sleep.
He woke sometime in the night to hear Ennis’s ragged breathing and the rhythmic squeak of the mattress. He kept completely still, trying to keep his breathing even. It was tough, because his heart was fluttering away like crazy again. He heard Ennis come with a muffled groan and had to bite back a moan of his own.
When Ennis crept to the bathroom to clean up, Jack took a quick inventory of himself. Not even hard. It gave him a deep, throbbing feeling of shame. He supposed to he should be happy that he wasn’t hard over Ennis’s jacking off, but he wanted to cry. He was totally turned on and thinking about sex now, and his dick was just lying there, limp. He was completely useless.
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Jack decided to make sure things with him and Ennis were normal the next day. Ennis had a little trouble meeting his eyes early on in the day, but Jack kept up his usual steady stream of chatter and Ennis’d calmed down by the end of breakfast.
“So, what time are your brother and sister getting here?” Jack asked, biting into an orange section.
“Uh…” Ennis couldn’t take his eyes off Jack’s tongue as it darted out to catch the juice squirting out of the orange. It was incredibly distracting. “I don’t know, prob’ly ‘bout two or three, I’d think.”
“Hmm.” Jack was slurping the juice out of the section of the orange before eating it and Ennis made himself look away. At least Jack wasn’t eating a banana.
They made it through class without getting detention. Ennis couldn’t concentrate, his mind flitting between Jack and K.E. and Grace and the boys. He didn’t let himself think on Jack for too long, because his thoughts were growing increasingly inappropriate and it made him uneasy. He wasn’t queer. He just wasn’t. And he definitely couldn’t be while K.E. was there. K.E. hated queers with a venom raised by their daddy.
Jack waited for Ennis’s family with him that afternoon. The reception lounge was large, furnished with cushy couches and plenty of toys for younger kids. It was where they held the smaller activities and where visitors first came in.
Three o’clock rolled around. No one came in. Four o’clock. Still nothing. Five. Ennis was wilting over there on the floral arm chair. His excitement withered away like someone had popped his balloon. Jack caught the receptionist looking at Ennis with pity in her eyes and he knew Ennis’s brother and sister weren’t coming. The reception got up from her desk slowly and walked over to them.
“Hey, Ennis.” She said. “Your sister called a minute ago.” Ennis kept his eyes on the swirls of green and purple in the carpet.
“Mmhmm.” He finally mustered up.
“They, uh…they couldn’t make it. She said she’s real sorry. Hopefully they can come out another time.” She bit her lip when Ennis didn’t respond. She looked at Jack and he gave her a little smile. He thanked her and she walked off. As she passed Ennis, she put her hand on his shoulder for just a second and then she was gone, back to her desk. Ennis didn’t move.
“Ennis?” Jack asked in small voice after a few minutes of silence. Ennis looked up, fighting to hide the disappointment in his dark eyes.
“Let’s go.” He said brusquely. “Don’t matter. Prob’ly had to work, is all. It’s fine.”
“Well, do you wanna…” Jack didn’t know what he was going to suggest. He trailed off pathetically.
“Let’s just go.” Ennis repeated quietly.
They went back up to their room. Ennis flopped down on his bed and rolled to face the wall right away. Jack didn’t know what to do with himself. He got bored quickly but felt bad leaving Ennis by himself. A knock on their door made Ennis roll back over to stare at the door. Jack looked at him and he shrugged.
Ennis got off the bed and crossed to the door. “I can open the door.” Jack protested.
“’S fine.” Ennis said, brushing him off with a wave of his hand. He opened the door to reveal Alma standing there, a pinched expression on her face.
“Ennis…” She started off in her misery voice as soon as the door was open. Ennis sighed. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Alma. “I haven’t talked to you in days.” She accused.
“Sorry.” Ennis mumbled.
Alma moved close to Ennis and wrapped her little arms around him, pushing herself into his space. Jack felt jealously flare up, white-hot, as he watched her worm her away into Ennis’s arms. Ennis put an arm around her shoulders, a little awkwardly. Finally she pulled back to look at him, moving away a little but capturing his hand and holding it. He looked too big next to her delicate frame.
“I missed you so much,” she sighed.
“Mm.” Was all he said. He couldn’t say he’d missed her without lying.
“Let’s go for a walk, Ennis.”
“Uh…” He didn’t want to. Jack could see it from across the room and somehow Alma couldn’t tell from six inches away from him. Jack wanted to push Alma back out the door she’d come in from and slam said door in her face. “I’m pretty tired, Alma.” Ennis said. He sounded it, sounded like an old man who’d seen too much.
“Oh.” She sounded disappointed, but didn’t push. “Okay. Maybe tomorrow?” She looked up at him through her lashes. She was pretty. Ennis would rather spend his day with Jack. That was what spurred him to agree.
“Yeah.” He said firmly. “Tomorrow.” She gave him another hug before she left and he made himself hug her back. It was just better this way.
Jack was so jealous he wanted to spit. He knew Ennis had felt something last night-he’d heard, for Christ’s sake! Things were so mixed up just then. Maybe Jack needed a girl, too. Fine, it was decided. Two could play that game.
Even though Healing Wings was a hospital, it was still a bunch of kids and teenagers in the same place-so a social hierarchy was still firmly in place, and Jack Twist was still somewhere near the top. He wasn’t the very top-he didn’t care enough, so he never would be-but he was up there. And it bothered Ennis to no end.
He didn’t know why it bothered him so much, but it did. Every time some kid came over at dinner to slap Jack’s back and tell him how cool he was for going down the hallway on his back two wheels, Ennis scowled. Every time a girl batted her eyelashes and blushed in Jack’s direction, Ennis growled. And when the meal ladies gave Jack an extra chocolate pudding every chocolate pudding night, Ennis could hardly contain himself.
But the worst part was that Ennis didn’t get mad at Jack; no, Jack was still funny and sarcastic and cocky and his dark lashes rimming those blue eyes still made Ennis stare longer than he should. But Jack was another boy and Ennis wasn’t…whatever. He just wasn’t. He liked plenty of girls and wasn’t Alma his girlfriend or something?
But that didn’t explain his jealousy. And it certainly didn’t explain the flips his stomach did when Jack grabbed his arm or smacked his shoulder or peeled off his shirt at the end of the day. Ennis always found a reason to turn away when Jack changed, because he didn’t trust himself to watch.
Just then Ennis realized everyone was staring at him-one of his biggest pet peeves. His shoulders came up to meet his ears instinctively.
“¿De dónde éres, Ennis?” The teacher repeated, her annoyed frown indicating that she’d asked at least one other time.
“Uh…” Ennis didn’t know what she was saying. Was she asking where he was from or where he was going? Probably where he was from, since he wasn’t going anywhere. Or was she asking how old he was? He knew it was one of those. Maybe? “Wyoming.” He finally said. Someone behind him snorted and he figured he’d guessed wrong.
“Soy de Wyoming.” She corrected with a frown. “¿Dónde en Wyoming?”
Ennis sighed. He wasn’t good at Spanish. Just like he wasn’t good at math or reading or science or any other stupid subject in school. He was good with horses-why couldn’t he take a class on them? He was good with land, too. And if he lived to grow up he was going to work with those two things, so why did he have to suffer through all this useless shit?
“Soy de Sage.” He muttered. She smiled.
“Bien.” Then she moved on to torture someone else. Ennis slumped in his seat, hoping he wouldn’t be expected to say anything else for the rest of the period. He didn’t like answering questions even when he knew the answer (or the question, for that matter). He didn’t like everyone looking at him.
The teacher’s eyes lit on Jack, with his head down on his desk and drooling. He wasn’t even pretending to pay attention. She clapped her hands twice and called his name. He woke with a jerk.
“I didn’t do anything.” He said groggily. Everyone laughed, but not at him, with him. He grinned sheepishly at the teacher, who pursed her lips angrily back at him.
“¿Qué hora es?” She asked peevishly. Ennis had no idea what that meant. A girl two seats to his left looked bored and rolled her eyes like it was the easiest question in the world. Ennis glowered at her for good measure. She was one of Jack’s biggest fans, always giggling at him instead of actually saying something.
“Uh…” Jack chuckled and looked around. “Any ideas?” He shrugged at Ennis. Ennis shook his head.
“Amarillo?” Ennis suggested. He didn’t know what possessed him to say it-he just knew if he said something stupid Jack would probably laugh. And Jack did laugh. Hard. So did most of the other kids in class. Their teacher was less amused, and Jack and Ennis were rewarded for their shenanigans with detention. But kids kept grinning at Ennis, and the girl he’d been glaring at even winked at him. When class was finally over and Jack and Ennis had collected their detention slips, someone slapped Ennis on the back.
“Del Mar, who knew you were funny?” The boy crowed. His name was Troy and he was kind of annoying, but nice enough.
“I did.” Jack said, not smiling like his usual self. “Ennis cracks jokes all the time.”
“To who, his pillow?” Troy snorted. “He don’t talk to no one else.”
Ennis felt his ears getting hot. His little joke didn’t seem worth it anymore. Sure, he’d gotten the reaction from Jack that he’d wanted, but now everyone else was butting in on them. Troy walked off, still chortling. Jack looked up at Ennis and reached up and poked his belly.
“I’ve always known you’re funny.” He told his friend loyally.
“Thanks.” Ennis muttered, not wanting Jack to know that his finger on Ennis’s stomach had made his heart jump into his throat.
“But you know,” Jack continued, as he always did. “Troy’s right. You don’t talk enough, Ennis. I mean, you got things to say. Funny things, smart things, whatever. Why don’t you just say what you wanna say?”
Ennis grunted and Jack gave him a look. “What?” He asked defensively.
“Ennis, a grunt is a not an answer to a question. Not even most yes or no questions.”
“I don’t know, Jack. Is that better?”
“Not really.” Jack frowned up at him. “Are you afraid people will make fun of you for whatever you’re saying?” He wasn’t joking or teasing now. He was looking so earnestly at Ennis it made Ennis’s cheeks burn. But for once, Jack wasn’t taking his blush as an answer. He wanted Ennis to actually say something.
“I just…” Ennis sighed. “Just don’t see why anyone would listen to me. I’m just some dumb redneck, you know?”
“Ennis, who told you you’re dumb?” Jack switched gears and Ennis was a little confused.
“Uh…well, I am.”
“Says who?”
“I…” Ennis was really uncomfortable with where this was going. But those eyes were sucking him in, and he found himself blurting, “My dad.”
“Your dad told you you’re stupid?”
“Well, you know, just when I did something dumb…left a gate open or plowed a row crooked or whatever. And I got a big brother and sister, you know, so being the youngest…” He shrugged. “Not a big deal.”
“Well you’re not dumb.” Jack said firmly. “My daddy’s the same way-always telling me how stupid I am or how useless I am, but guess what, Ennis? Daddies don’t always know everything.”
He didn’t say this with any hint of amusement or happiness, and Ennis could see the little boy in there who still wished his daddy could always have the answers.
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Detention was long and boring and they weren’t allowed to talk. Ennis had been in detention plenty of times, for not doing his homework or for getting in fights. He used to punch anyone who looked at him funny. Now he was just too damn tired to do anything more than squirm.
Jack pushed a game of tic-tac-toe at him, but the detention monitor took it and crumpled it before Ennis could even decide to be the x or the o. Jack sighed loud and long to demonstrate his displeasure. The monitor didn’t even blink, just kept right on walking.
They finally got to go eat dinner, and when they’d made their way through the rubbery chicken and crunchy rice to the dry, crumbly cookies, Jack asked Ennis what his favorite dessert was.
“Well…” Ennis considered. Certainly nothing he’d had here. “I like peach cobbler.” He said, a little shy. Most people were all about chocolate cake or apple pie or something, but Ennis loved peach cobbler something fierce.
“Yeah?” Jack asked. “Your mama make it on your birthday every year?”
“Uh, no.” Ennis bit his lip. “Peaches were too ‘spensive. Had it at a church picnic once, when I was ‘bout eight. Never got the taste of it outta my mouth.” The left side of his mouth quirked up wistfully.
“You’ve only had it once?” Jack asked incredulously.
“Well, they serve it here sometimes, in the summer, but…” He shrugged. “Ain’t the same, you know? Use canned peaches and all that.”
“Damn, Ennis. Leave it to you to want something just outta reach.” Jack shook his head. Ennis fought a groan. Jack had no idea.
One of the office secretaries came over just then, a slip of yellow paper folded in half in her hand. She slid the paper across the table to Ennis. “You got a message.” She said, like if she didn’t tell him he’d think it was a love note or something.
“Thank you, ma’am.” He opened it up and squinted at it, forcing the little blurry lines into letters. “My brother and sister are coming to visit!” He said after he’d read it, grinning wide and not trying to hide it.
“No way!” Jack just fueled his enthusiasm more by being excited for him. “When?”
“Friday afternoon. I’m starting chemo up again Monday, and they wanted to come Sunday but K.E.’s gotta work. And Grace’s gonna bring her boys!”
“Your sister’s got kids?”
“Yeah, two boys. They’re great. The oldest is…what, five now? Can’t wait for you to meet ‘em. You’ll love ‘em.”
Jack couldn’t help but smile at the excitement written all over Ennis’s face. He wasn’t just half-smiling; he was beaming. He had the widest smile Jack had ever seen and it made him look like a little kid.
“Can’t wait.”
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Ennis was antsy for the rest of the week. Friday couldn’t come quick enough. Wednesday night, Jack’s mama called and said she and the old man were coming to see him Saturday. Jack was happy to see his mom, but he could do without his dad.
“John, come say hi to your son.” Jack’s mom said, smile in her voice. Jack heard nothing but silence. “Well…he had to go back out to the barn real quick.” She finally lied quietly. Jack told himself he didn’t care. Maybe if he said it enough he’d convince himself.
Finally, it was Thursday night. Jack had never seen Ennis act this way before. He was humming to himself while he brushed his teeth and his laugh came quick and easy. He’d told Jack three different stories about him and his brother getting in trouble when they were kids and either getting a whooping or somehow escaping. K.E. sounded like a handful, Jack decided. Most of the stories involved K.E. doing something stupid while Ennis stood guard.
“You always got whooped too, even though it was K.E. doing it?” Jack asked after another story, this one having something to do with the neighbor’s daughter skinny dipping in the creek.
“Yeah.” Ennis said with a shrug. “I was his lookout. I coulda told on him ‘fore he did it, or stopped him. But I didn’t.”
“How much older than you is he?”
Ennis counted in his head for a second. “Six years.”
“And your sister?”
“She’s two years older’an K.E. so…eight years older than me.”
“So she was eighteen when your parents died? How old was she when she got married?” Jack didn’t know why he was so interested. He just wanted Ennis to keep talking, and he seemed happy to talk about his family.
“She got married the same year our folks died. And then she had some trouble having kids, at first. Took her two years to finally have one. ‘S why she’s only got two, even though she’s been married for, what, seven years? If you knew Grace…well, she’s always wanted lots a kids. So it was kinda hard on her. The doctors don’t think she can have any more, either.” He frowned and Jack wished he hadn’t brought it up.
“That’s too bad.” Jack said.
“Yeah…our mama had the same problem. That’s why there’s such a big gap between me’n K.E. Had a miscarriage between us.”
“Yeah, my mom too.” Jack said. “I wouldn’t a been an only child, but none of the other babies made it.”
“Wonder why?” Ennis mused. “What makes it happen?”
“Prob’ly God didn’t want to make no one else have my daddy.” It slipped out before Jack could stop it, with more bitterness than Ennis had expected.
“Your daddy…” Ennis hesitated. “Your daddy hit you?” He asked softly.
Jack shrugged. “Sure.” He tried to sound flippant but instead his voice was strained. “He pissed on me once, too, when I was four. I didn’t make it to the toilet and he…well, he taught me not to pee on myself anymore.”
Ennis couldn’t think of anything to say. His blood was boiling at the thought of a baby Jack getting beat on and pissed on by his daddy. Daddies were supposed to be heroes.
“Son of a bitch.” Ennis heard himself growl.
“Yeah, he called me that too.” Jack forced out a laugh. “He hit my mama more than he hit me.” His hands clenched into fists. “He don’t do it anymore, though. Got this new job, we got more money now and he ain’t home as much. Better all around.”
Jack looked so morose Ennis found himself wanting to hug him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever had the urge to hug another person before, besides maybe his mama when he was little. But he couldn’t hug Jack-Jack was a guy. The silence got a little awkward.
“Well.” Ennis broke the silence. “Do you, uh, need help getting in bed?” Shit, why’d he ask that? Sounded like he wanted to get in there with him. Which he didn’t want to do. No, really, he didn’t. Keep telling yourself that. That stupid voice in the back of his head said harshly. Maybe someday you’ll convince someone. Jack stared at him for a long minute.
“Yeah,” he finally said. “Think I do.”
Something in the room shifted when Ennis went over to Jack. They stared at each other for a second before Ennis had to look away. There was something in those blue eyes that made him feel skittish. His heart was pounding and his mouth was dry. Jack kept licking his bottom lip and that certainly wasn’t helping anything.
“Uh…” Jack was nervous as hell for some reason. “How…” This was ridiculous. Ennis was just trying to be nice to him and here he was acting like a freak. He cleared his throat. “How you wanna do this?” He forced out, then winced, because that sounded like they were going to do something…else. And he didn’t want to do that with Ennis.
…Right?
Holy shit! Jack screamed in his head. You sick freak!
He was determined not to let Ennis in on this new discovery. Ennis’d probably kick his ass into three years from now if he ever found out.
“I’ll, uh…grab your legs and put ‘em up there. If that’s okay…” Ennis’s voice petered out toward the end.
“What? Oh, yeah. Sounds…good.”
Jack braced his arms on the bed and Ennis swung his legs up on the bed for him. The whole encounter had lasted less than a minute, but both of them felt it a lot longer.
“Thanks.” Jack managed. Ennis’s hands were still resting on Jack’s legs, though Jack couldn’t feel it. He stared at the place where Ennis’s hands met his legs. He knew he should be able to feel the weight of those long fingers, but he couldn’t. He found himself desperately wishing he could.
Ennis finally pulled his hands away. “Sure ‘nough.” He murmured in response to Jack’s thanks. He walked over and flipped off the light, plunging the room into darkness. Jack forced his brain to shut up and let him sleep.
He woke sometime in the night to hear Ennis’s ragged breathing and the rhythmic squeak of the mattress. He kept completely still, trying to keep his breathing even. It was tough, because his heart was fluttering away like crazy again. He heard Ennis come with a muffled groan and had to bite back a moan of his own.
When Ennis crept to the bathroom to clean up, Jack took a quick inventory of himself. Not even hard. It gave him a deep, throbbing feeling of shame. He supposed to he should be happy that he wasn’t hard over Ennis’s jacking off, but he wanted to cry. He was totally turned on and thinking about sex now, and his dick was just lying there, limp. He was completely useless.
--------------------------
Jack decided to make sure things with him and Ennis were normal the next day. Ennis had a little trouble meeting his eyes early on in the day, but Jack kept up his usual steady stream of chatter and Ennis’d calmed down by the end of breakfast.
“So, what time are your brother and sister getting here?” Jack asked, biting into an orange section.
“Uh…” Ennis couldn’t take his eyes off Jack’s tongue as it darted out to catch the juice squirting out of the orange. It was incredibly distracting. “I don’t know, prob’ly ‘bout two or three, I’d think.”
“Hmm.” Jack was slurping the juice out of the section of the orange before eating it and Ennis made himself look away. At least Jack wasn’t eating a banana.
They made it through class without getting detention. Ennis couldn’t concentrate, his mind flitting between Jack and K.E. and Grace and the boys. He didn’t let himself think on Jack for too long, because his thoughts were growing increasingly inappropriate and it made him uneasy. He wasn’t queer. He just wasn’t. And he definitely couldn’t be while K.E. was there. K.E. hated queers with a venom raised by their daddy.
Jack waited for Ennis’s family with him that afternoon. The reception lounge was large, furnished with cushy couches and plenty of toys for younger kids. It was where they held the smaller activities and where visitors first came in.
Three o’clock rolled around. No one came in. Four o’clock. Still nothing. Five. Ennis was wilting over there on the floral arm chair. His excitement withered away like someone had popped his balloon. Jack caught the receptionist looking at Ennis with pity in her eyes and he knew Ennis’s brother and sister weren’t coming. The reception got up from her desk slowly and walked over to them.
“Hey, Ennis.” She said. “Your sister called a minute ago.” Ennis kept his eyes on the swirls of green and purple in the carpet.
“Mmhmm.” He finally mustered up.
“They, uh…they couldn’t make it. She said she’s real sorry. Hopefully they can come out another time.” She bit her lip when Ennis didn’t respond. She looked at Jack and he gave her a little smile. He thanked her and she walked off. As she passed Ennis, she put her hand on his shoulder for just a second and then she was gone, back to her desk. Ennis didn’t move.
“Ennis?” Jack asked in small voice after a few minutes of silence. Ennis looked up, fighting to hide the disappointment in his dark eyes.
“Let’s go.” He said brusquely. “Don’t matter. Prob’ly had to work, is all. It’s fine.”
“Well, do you wanna…” Jack didn’t know what he was going to suggest. He trailed off pathetically.
“Let’s just go.” Ennis repeated quietly.
They went back up to their room. Ennis flopped down on his bed and rolled to face the wall right away. Jack didn’t know what to do with himself. He got bored quickly but felt bad leaving Ennis by himself. A knock on their door made Ennis roll back over to stare at the door. Jack looked at him and he shrugged.
Ennis got off the bed and crossed to the door. “I can open the door.” Jack protested.
“’S fine.” Ennis said, brushing him off with a wave of his hand. He opened the door to reveal Alma standing there, a pinched expression on her face.
“Ennis…” She started off in her misery voice as soon as the door was open. Ennis sighed. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Alma. “I haven’t talked to you in days.” She accused.
“Sorry.” Ennis mumbled.
Alma moved close to Ennis and wrapped her little arms around him, pushing herself into his space. Jack felt jealously flare up, white-hot, as he watched her worm her away into Ennis’s arms. Ennis put an arm around her shoulders, a little awkwardly. Finally she pulled back to look at him, moving away a little but capturing his hand and holding it. He looked too big next to her delicate frame.
“I missed you so much,” she sighed.
“Mm.” Was all he said. He couldn’t say he’d missed her without lying.
“Let’s go for a walk, Ennis.”
“Uh…” He didn’t want to. Jack could see it from across the room and somehow Alma couldn’t tell from six inches away from him. Jack wanted to push Alma back out the door she’d come in from and slam said door in her face. “I’m pretty tired, Alma.” Ennis said. He sounded it, sounded like an old man who’d seen too much.
“Oh.” She sounded disappointed, but didn’t push. “Okay. Maybe tomorrow?” She looked up at him through her lashes. She was pretty. Ennis would rather spend his day with Jack. That was what spurred him to agree.
“Yeah.” He said firmly. “Tomorrow.” She gave him another hug before she left and he made himself hug her back. It was just better this way.
Jack was so jealous he wanted to spit. He knew Ennis had felt something last night-he’d heard, for Christ’s sake! Things were so mixed up just then. Maybe Jack needed a girl, too. Fine, it was decided. Two could play that game.