Daisy Duke is sooooooooooo cute

Apr 05, 2005 20:34

Our new puppy is great!!! She's absolutely adoreable and has a lot of spunkiness and even a level of craziness I doubt I can equal ---- yeah, right, lol ( Read more... )

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poem shellbunny April 6 2005, 04:38:45 UTC
Okay Midgetman,
you've got a lot of images happening in this poem, but I think you would do well to pick one or two and stick with them. Also another thing that one of my professors drilled into my head over and over again was the concept of "show, don't tell". You need to show your reader how the storm is dreary, show how the snowflakes are pristine. If you said "The light broke itself upon the gem-cut surface of the shimmering flakes." Describing the snowflakes in that way gives the reader a picture, so that they can be there with the poet as the poet writes. This way, you bring the reader into your world, so they can see the snow, the storms from your perspective. Also you just have too much going on for me to follow you, and in the end I don't understand how God is connected to everything mentioned.

There's a bit of constructive criticism. Keep writing. Keep putting those lit tendencies to work. And who knows, you might get picked up being the only guy in your feminist lit class.=)

--Rosie

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Re: poem midgetracer2154 April 6 2005, 22:36:54 UTC
Thanks ;-) I'm always up for constructive criticism, and, well, any criticism or comments :-D ( ... )

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