Fargo Rock City - A Heavy Metal Odyssey in Rural North Dakota, by Chuck Klostermann
Such is the long winded title of my latest literary purchase. Behind the cut tag, you can find a short sample from the book. I love it.
With an intro like that, who could resist? ;) Anyway, a sample from the book...
'Here's a list of what type of girls the premier metal groups liked (or at least, seemed to like)...
GUNS N ROSES: Bisexual models; submissive women; girls who would buy them booze
MOTLEY CRUE: Strippers; women who have sex in public (particularly elevators); lesbians.
RATT: Hookers with a heart of gold. Or strippers with a heart of gold. Or thirteen year olds.
WARRANT: Virgins who exhibited the potential to become nymphomaniacs
DEF LEPPARD: Drunk girls; female vampires.
THE CULT: Female vampires only.
FASTER PUSSYCAT: GNR rejects
W.A.S.P: Magician's assistants; women with rape fantasies; lower primates
AEROSMITH: Models, but not waifs; high school snobs; more girls who like having sex in elevators
CINDERELLA: Gypsies
SKID ROW: Nameless, faceless, top-heavy sex machines (with hearts of gold)
LA GUNS: Drug addled hitchhikers who like rough sex
BANG TANGO: Faster Pussycat rejects
VAN HALEN: Party girls, bikini models; the homecoming queen
DAVID LEE ROTH: Same as Van Halen but with bigger boobs
BON JOVI: The girl next door
SLAUGHTER: Girls who couldn't make the cut as Bon Jovi groupies
WINGER: Whoever Bon Jovi groupies used to babysit
POISON: Girls who liked to tease; girls from small towns; good girls gone bad
KISS: Any girl who wasn't dead
IRON MAIDEN: Dead girls
JUDAS PRIEST: Boys
METALLICA: None of the above
Oh, yeah, I guess I forgot Whitesnake. As previously stated, they liked girls who fucked cars. But all this analysis only provides us with half of the intercourse equation. We know who all these bands liked to sleep with, but what about the rest of us? If 80s metal was so sexual, whawt was the best metal song to actually have sex to?
This is a complicated question, because most prototypical metal fans never had sex. Thus, we have very little historical precedent to use as a guide....'
\m/
With an intro like that, who could resist? ;) Anyway, a sample from the book...
'Here's a list of what type of girls the premier metal groups liked (or at least, seemed to like)...
GUNS N ROSES: Bisexual models; submissive women; girls who would buy them booze
MOTLEY CRUE: Strippers; women who have sex in public (particularly elevators); lesbians.
RATT: Hookers with a heart of gold. Or strippers with a heart of gold. Or thirteen year olds.
WARRANT: Virgins who exhibited the potential to become nymphomaniacs
DEF LEPPARD: Drunk girls; female vampires.
THE CULT: Female vampires only.
FASTER PUSSYCAT: GNR rejects
W.A.S.P: Magician's assistants; women with rape fantasies; lower primates
AEROSMITH: Models, but not waifs; high school snobs; more girls who like having sex in elevators
CINDERELLA: Gypsies
SKID ROW: Nameless, faceless, top-heavy sex machines (with hearts of gold)
LA GUNS: Drug addled hitchhikers who like rough sex
BANG TANGO: Faster Pussycat rejects
VAN HALEN: Party girls, bikini models; the homecoming queen
DAVID LEE ROTH: Same as Van Halen but with bigger boobs
BON JOVI: The girl next door
SLAUGHTER: Girls who couldn't make the cut as Bon Jovi groupies
WINGER: Whoever Bon Jovi groupies used to babysit
POISON: Girls who liked to tease; girls from small towns; good girls gone bad
KISS: Any girl who wasn't dead
IRON MAIDEN: Dead girls
JUDAS PRIEST: Boys
METALLICA: None of the above
Oh, yeah, I guess I forgot Whitesnake. As previously stated, they liked girls who fucked cars. But all this analysis only provides us with half of the intercourse equation. We know who all these bands liked to sleep with, but what about the rest of us? If 80s metal was so sexual, whawt was the best metal song to actually have sex to?
This is a complicated question, because most prototypical metal fans never had sex. Thus, we have very little historical precedent to use as a guide....'
\m/