The Sound of Pulling Heaven Down Ch5

[midnightrambles]

Time & Space is Ending

It was a beautiful sunny in Madrid, just another day in May. After the Masters hadn’t gone exactly the way he had hoped, Fernando decided to stay home for a while, to catch up with his family. The year had been going quite well though. His performance had way far outweighed anyone’s expectations, even his own. He knew he was a better than par effort but he didn’t like to reflect too much on it because at the end of the day Fernando wasn’t victorious but he now knew what he had to do. He was ready for Roland Garros now. He wanted to prove, not only to others but to himself most importantly, that he could win it, that he was good enough.

He knocked on the door of a big but modest house. When there was no answer, Fernando frowned and pulled a key out of his pocket that he had but didn’t use often. Feliciano had given it to him, and the older man had one of Fernando’s.

After the Davis Cup victory, the dynamics between Fernando and Feliciano didn’t suddenly change. Because all of the press was in Spain, they spent a lot of time together, but also with both of their families as well. They did have time to themselves and had spent much of it in bed together but once again, they fell into the zone of non-communication. They did talk, just not about their ‘relationship’ or whatever they had. It was just easier for them.

After much deliberation, Fernando let himself inside Feliciano’s home. He looked around. The place was quiet, deserted like.

“Feli?” He called out cautiously. Taking a few more steps, he tried again, louder. After a few minutes, he was rewarded with a sleepy Feliciano, clad in boxers, walking down the stairs with an unnatural blonde in tow. He smirked at his younger friend before kissing the girl and letting her out of his house.

“Did I interrupt you?”

Feliciano laughed and shoved Fernando’s shoulder as he walked by. “Hmm, no. We were done but were too lazy to get up. You showing up just gave me excuse to push her out the door.”

A sick feeling washed over the younger man. He wanted nothing more than to knock the smug look on Feliciano’s face. But he restrained himself. After all, they were nothing more than friends. Except that was a lie.

“Oh.”

Feliciano turned around and frowned when he saw Fernando’s unhappy face. He walked towards him, grasped his hand and walked them over to the living room, seating themselves onthe leather couch.

“What’s wrong, Nando?”

The younger man shook his head. He really didn’t know why he felt like he did. They both slept with other people, both even had brief relationships. “Nothing, really. What do you want to do today?”

Not buying the brush off, Feliciano leaned in for a kiss and was baffled when Fernando turned away. He didn’t give up however. Instead he grasped Fernando’s chin gently within his fingers and forced their eyes to meet.

“I don’t believe you.”

He couldn’t keep his eyes on Feliciano, not when all he wanted to do was kiss him and tell him that they were both stupid for dancing around the word ‘relationship’ and it’s connotations.

“What are we doing, Feli. Wait,” he said as Feliciano opened his mouth to answer. “Really think about it. We... fuck, have sex, whatever. Then we go our own ways and do the same exact thing with other people. We’re friends, I understand that. I always want us to be friends but that’s not the question. The question is, are we ever going to be more? I don’t know what I want any more.” Fernando sighed and dragged fingers through his hair. “I thought it was okay, the sex with you and other people. But... It’s not.”

Feliciano sat, shocked. Clearly, he was unaware of how Fernando really felt about them. The conversation they had in Argentina months ago floated back into his mind but he quickly pushed it away. This was entirely different, entirely new.

“Do you want a relationship, Nando?”

Fernando finally looked up, blue depths staring into him with nothing but honesty. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen his older friend like this before.

“If it’s something we both want then yes.”

Feliciano let out a frustrated sound. “Fuck, Nando! Why bring this up if you’re not going to ask or answer the question that needs to be?” He tried his best to keep his cool, but it was too early in the morning to have his mind fucked with. “I’m asking you again. Do you want a relationship?”

“Yes.” This time there was no hesitation.

The word hung in the air like a little cloud of tension. They kept their eyes on each other, neither man wanting to back down. Feliciano let out a shaky breath.

“So do I.”

They didn’t immediately rush over to wrap their arms in each other. Instead, they continued to sit how they were, their bodies turned to each other, eyes still intently locked.

“How is this supposed to work?” Fernando asked with a whisper. This was what he wanted, yet he didn’t want at the same time.

Feliciano shook his head, his lips curling into a slight sad smile. “I don’t know but we’ll figure it out. We have to.”

**

Rafa’s birthday was usually a happy and momentous occasion with the celebrations coming in Roland Garros. This year’s wasn’t in France but it was still celebrated fully at home with his family and friends. Sure he was disappointed with how the tournament turned out but he was ecstatic at the warmth and love his peers doled on him. The party was in full swing but one of his dear and close friends was missing.

“Fernando?”

Fernando spun around when he heard his name being called. Rafa was standing before him with a frown on his face.

“Where’s Feli? He hasn’t called or text me back.”

Fernando shrugged. “He told me he’d be here.” He reached out and patted Rafa with a comforting hand. “Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll be here as soon as he can.”

When Rafa turned back, Fernando pulled out his phone and checked again. The older man hadn’t returned his attempts either. He was more than a little worried but he didn’t let it show.

An hour later, Feliciano swept through the door, greeting everyone with smiles, hugs and kisses. His gestures were a little forced, especially with those who he didn’t know all that well. Fernando picked up on immediately, as did Rafa. But the younger man didn’t comment on it; he was just glad that Feliciano had finally made it and dragged him to be a part of the festivities. It wasn’t until much later, when all the guests were merry and drunk that Fernando finally got Feliciano alone to himself. He started to speak but the older man shook his hand and looked around before taking his hand and led him up the stairs. They went into a guest room. Feliciano took a seat on the bed and gestured Fernando to do the same.

“Feli, what is-”

“Tatiana is pregnant.”

The air was sucked out of Fernando’s lungs. He just sat there and stared, not sure what to say, not able to say anything.

“Tatiana... she’s that girl that was at my house that time,” Feliciano stopped to see if Fernando understood who he was talking about. When there was a flicker of recognition in the younger man’s eyes, he continued. “She’s pregnant and she thinks it’s mine. She’s sure the baby is mine.” He paused again, this time hoping Fernando would say something but he doesn’t. “She... She doesn’t want it, the baby I mean.”

Fernando reached out and grasped the older man’s hand in his own, surprising both of them. He held it, cradling it, and tried to make sense what he just heard. “So what are you going to do?” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” Feliciano answered truthfully. He dragged his fingers through his hair. “I... She doesn’t want the baby but I do.” His eyes flickered with conviction. “I talked to Mami and she wants me to keep it, to raise it. Well, that was after she yelled at me for being a complete idiot.” He laughed but it sound forced, harsh and wrong. “I really wasn’t sure what to do but after talking to her... I think I want to have this baby.”

The room was silent for a moment but inside Fernando’s head it was loud with the constant buzz of thoughts. There were so many questions that needed to be answers, so many concerns. He tried his best to put those aside however, and ask the one thing that really mattered right now, right at that moment.

“Are you okay? With all of this?”

Feliciano attempted to smile but failed. “I’m alright I suppose,” he shrugged. “It was hard to swallow at first. She told me about three hours ago and I’ve been talking to her and Mami since. I was close to not coming tonight.”

“We’ll I’m glad you did,” Fernando responds with a squeeze to his hand. “I-I don’t know what to say exactly, Feli. I’m sorry but I don’t. What...” A thought popped into his mind and it had to be asked. “What about tennis?”

“I don’t know... That’s what Tatiana asked. She said it would be so much easier for everyone if we decided not to keep it but I couldn’t do that. Mami would make me live to regret that decision.” Feliciano pulled out of Fernando’s grasp and dropped his face into his hands. “I don’t know what to do! I want to keep playing. I feel like I still can but I can’t do that to my baby. My baby!”

Scooting closer, Fernando placed his hand on Feliciano’s lower back and began to rub soothing circles to tense muscles. There was nothing he could say to help him, Fernando knew that but he couldn’t just sit back and watch his friend, his now lover, worry and fret over this. It hurt to know that he couldn’t take away the pain, the anguish. Then again, no one could.

“Keep it, Feli.”

Feliciano’s head whipped up, his hands dropping to his lap. His eyes bore into Fernando’s, as though he was trying to figure out what game the younger man was playing. When he found nothing but sincerity, his gaze softened. “What?”

Fernando let out a shaky sigh. “Keep the baby, Feli. You want to; I can tell by what you just said, by your voice. It won’t be easy but you already know that. My Mami will help if you need it, you know she will want to. If you want to keep playing, that’s up to but you know you’ll have support from my family.” He was confident enough to say that now, to Feliciano who needed nothing but reassurance right now, but Fernando really didn’t know if his family would be as accepting as he painted them to be. He just hoped for the best.

Leaning forward, Feliciano kisses him lightly, a soft kiss that lingered for a few seconds. “Thank you,” he whispered against warm lips. Silence took over them again, allowing both men to plunge into their thoughts. Minutes ticked by before Feliciano took Fernando’shand and helped him off the bed. Without exchanging words, they went back to the party.

**

Injuries were something every player loathed, every athlete actually. They always seemed to occur at the wrong moments. Like many others, Fernando didn’t want to slow down, not when he was having a better than average year. He pushed on, fought through the pain and was rewarded by getting to at least the quarterfinals of all the tournaments he had played so far. Then there came to a point where he had pushed his body too far and had to step back although he really did not want to.

Maybe even worse than the injury itself was coming back from it. No matter how much one prepared and trained, it still took a while to get back to form. For Fernando, as long as he had support, he was fine making that transition. More times than not, he looked and counted on Feliciano, and vice versa. However, Feliciano had been somewhat missing from his life in the last few weeks.

Feliciano officially decided that he did indeed want to raise a child. His parents, his mother mostly, agreed to help take care of the baby; they just didn’t see anything right with ending a life before it even got the chance to breathe. Feliciano had agreed and thought Tatiana still found it baffling that a grown man who didn’t seem like he wanted to quit partying was going to take care of a baby, she allowed it. Feliciano had set his heart on it, and no one was going to tell him otherwise.

This however meant that there had been minimal contact between the two men for a little while now. Fernando had been rehabilitating his injuries while Feliciano still played in tournaments at the same time as trying to figure living arrangements once the baby came (and everything else that came with raising a child). Even when Feliciano was back home in Madrid, he spent the majority of his time attending doctor’s appointments with Tatiana or shopping for the baby’s needs.

Fernando didn’t hold it against him; he couldn’t even if he wanted to. He knew how much this meant to Feliciano. He could hear it in the older man’s voice whenever they did get to talk. Whenever he thought of Feliciano and his little girl or boy, it made Fernando smile. Feliciano would dote on his child like any good parents would; Fernando knew he would. As much as he wanted to spend more time with the older man, Fernando couldn’t find it in his heart to take this time away from Feliciano. But he didn’t distance himself either. Feliciano knew Fernando was around if he needed him.

So naturally, their ‘relationship’ became stunted. When they did get to speak to each other (mostly on the phone), Feliciano was always gushing about the baby’s heart beat, or filled Fernando in on the things he bought for the baby. They still proclaimed their love for each other, still promised to meet up in the next tournament they played together. But it was definitely not how Fernando saw their relationship turning out when he agreed to it.

Tournament to tournament, Fernando dragged. He tried his best to keep up the pace he had set earlier in the year but he just couldn’t. He blamed it on the grass season but he knew the real reason. He couldn’t believe how much he wanted Feliciano, not just as a lover but as a friend also. He missed playing in tournaments with him, missed joking around and goofing off with him. Feliciano always knew how to calm him down, how to ground him. Now that he didn’t have that, he was slowly coming undone. He began to lose in the first and second round matches that he should have easily won. It was weighing on him, not just physically on his injured body, but on his mind too. He slowly began to lose confidence in himself.

When Wimbledon strolled around, he eased a little. The moment he saw the older man, Fernando let all his worries go, the worries he had about them and their relationship. It was a short tournament for Feliciano but they both made the most of it. Fernando didn’t realize how much the baby was taking a toll on the older man. He knew he was having a rough year, with a lot more early exits than Fernando. But Feliciano wouldn’t stop.

Although he never voiced his concerns to him, Fernando knew Feliciano felt that once the baby was born that his career would over. Maybe he had planned it out that way, Fernando wasn’t sure but he knew Feliciano tried to play in every and any tournament he could. When they did manage to get together, the younger man could feel the tension in the elder’s muscles, in his body. But, just like they had been doing since they were young, they remained silent about their concerns about each other.

More tournaments were played; some with wins, or other with losses. Davis Cup Finals came knocking all too quickly for both men but they pulled together along with the rest of their team mates and put together another impressive victory. The victory was just as sweet for both men but Feliciano and Fernando would always hold the previous year’s medal close to their hearts.

Winter came and went, bringing another year, another season along with it. The holidays were spent when their own families but they did manage to get together for a little while. Finally it was time to get ready for the upcoming season and both men were more than ready to get back into it. Fernando was confident that he had what it took to win. Feliciano was ready to take it how it went, just like he always did. Regardless, 2010 was a year they would both remember for many years to come. It didn’t matter that they had many different reasons because they also had one same reason as well.

**

There was nothing like the heat in Australia. It was brutal, unrelenting but it was a heat all those on tour craved. You could taste the hunger in the air. Both the men and women were ready to kick off the start of the year with a bang; Fernando was no different.

Unlike the previous year, Fernando travelled alone beside his coaches. His father decided to let Fernando take the reins back but he still joined him for the big tournaments. He wasn’t in Australia just yet, which Fernando was glad for. As soon as the door of room he was sharing with Feliciano closed, he pounced on the older man and shed their clothes off with a ridiculous amount of speed and accuracy. They were nowhere near the bed but it didn’t matter because they were naked and ready.

Fernando placed hot wet kiss down Feliciano’s neck as he took their lengths in his grasp and began to stroke earnestly. He did not expect the gentle shove to shoulder seconds later, forming a gap between their bodies.

“Slow down, Nando,” Feliciano gasped as he tried to regain his breath. “We need to talk first.”

But Fernando persisted. He pressed their bodies again, his warm breath hot in the older man’s ear. “We’ll talk later. Right now, I want you.”

There were no arguments as he pressed his lips against Feliciano’s, their bodies moulding. Lust coursed through Feliciano’s veins and though he knew he had to talk to Fernando, that their conversation should not be left until later, he couldn’t deny the fact that he wanted Fernando just as much as he wanted him. Fingers tangled in hair, into long dark locks that once were neatly cut and shaped into a mohawk. Feliciano let everything else fall into the background as he focused on Fernando’s touch.

They somehow managed to find the bed and landed on it with a thud. Desperate kisses became even more heated as they rubbed against each other. It didn’t take long for Fernando further things along by prepping Feliciano before he slid inside him. His thrusts were slow but needy and he sped up a little too quickly for Feliciano but the older man didn’t complain. He just pushed back, giving as good as he received. Later when they both came, Feliciano had swallowed Fernando’s shouts, drinking and savouring them. They remained lock together until the sun shined again in the morning.

Feliciano was the first one to wake. He leaned back, propped up on an elbow and watched Fernando sleep. Fernando was on his back, his face towards him. His face was relaxed and calm, and despite the beard he liked to sport from time to time, he looked younger than his twenty-six years. Feliciano reached out and traced a finger against his strong jaw to his chin before doing the same to the other side.

Being with Fernando scared him. It took a while for Feliciano to admit that to himself, especially now that he was going to be a father. He didn’t know what that meant for them. He didn’t want Fernando to have to come out while still playing. The world wasn’t as accepting as everyone would like to think. He didn’t care too much about what it would mean for himself; after all he wouldn’t be on the tour much longer. That’s what he wanted to talk to Fernando about the night before, about his future, their future (if the younger man wanted one with him). But now that they didn’t get to it, Feliciano’s not sure if he should bring it up anymore. Fernando would find out like everybody else but Feliciano’s conscious ate away at him because Fernando deserved to know before anyone and deserved to hear it from him, not the media.

Green eyes with golden flecks suddenly stared into him, a smile curled onto sleepy lips. Fernando shuffled forward to press a soft kiss to Feliciano’s lips. In that moment, Feliciano knew he couldn’t hold it from him any longer.

“I’m leaving after this.”

“What? You mean for breakfast?”

Feliciano shook his head, a sad smile creeping on his face. “After the Open, I’m... I’m going to retire.” He gently caressed Fernando’s face as the younger man just stared at him, his golden green eyes impossibly wide.

“Why?”

Feliciano sighed and closed his eyes before quickly opening them again. Fernando’s solemn face was going to haunt him; he just knew it. “It just makes sense, you know? With the baby almost being born... I could just take some time off then come back but...” he sighed again, not sure if he was making any sense. “I don’t think I could come back. I’m already slipping in the rankings, getting past the first or second round is rare for me these days. It just seems... right.”

A hand snaked out and gripped his hips tightly, the touch warm and comforting. Fernando knew that the older man’s mind was made up, that there was no point in arguing against him. Instead, he smiled slightly, not the big and bright one Feliciano was used to, the one he loved. “Who’s going to be my doubles partner then?”

Feliciano laughed quietly, glad that Fernando was taking it well. He didn’t know how the others would take it, so having a positive reaction out of Fernando was tremendous. “Well, you still have me for this one. But you could always partner up with Rafa.” He laughed again when Fernando made a face. “Okay, how about Tommy?”

Fernando shrugged. “We’ll see.” He had already decided that he wasn’t going to play doubles anymore but he didn’t tell Feliciano that.

Slowly, they lapsed into a comfortable silence. They spent a little longer in bed, still wrapped up in each other’s embrace, both men deep in their own thoughts, their own concerns and worries. When they did eventually get up to go to practice, they didn’t mention Feliciano’s decision at all, like it didn’t happen. But when their eyes would meet during the practice, they knew it was final.

-*-

Unlike many others, Feliciano kept his retirement decision to himself. He knew it was definitely going to happen but he didn’t want to hear the goodbyes, the reminiscing of memories to blur his focus. This was his last tournament he was ever going to play so he wanted to put forth the best effort he could. He miraculously got through to the fourth round before surrendering to Ivan Ljubicic in a hard fought five setter. He had murmured a quiet Gracias when they met at the net but Ivan didn’t understand. The tournament wasn’t quite over just yet. Doubles with Fernando had gone much better than he thought it would. They somehow managed to get all the way to the semis. They beat many good pairs that Feliciano thought he was dreaming. A part of him wanted to reverse his decision and stay, but he knew that it was just an impulse. When their run did come to an end in the semi-finals, Feliciano was nothing but proud of his career.

As soon as the match point was played and over, Fernando had hugged him hard and did not let go, not caring that they were on the court with thousands of people watching. At the time, no one, not even the commentators, knew that Feliciano was going to retire. So the embrace in the middle of the Rod Laver Arena was more than a little odd but neither of them cared. Fernando whispered to him that he was proud of Feliciano, that he was proud to be his friend and lover. When they eventually did part, there was nothing but sincerity in Fernando’s eyes. If they weren’t in public or if they weren’t who they were, Feliciano would have kissed him. Instead, he squeezed his neck before they headed over the net to congratulate their opponents.

In the press conference afterward was when Feliciano finally spilled. He spoke quietly but confidently about deciding it was time to close up his racquet bag. It wasn’t a secret that he was about to become a father, so the interview openly asked him if that was the reason. For a quick second, his eyes had flickered over to Fernando before he answered truthfully. The interview had then asked if Fernando had known because of the hug they shared at the end of the match. Feliciano had smiled as he said: “Of course, he is my best friend.”

When all the questions had been answered, they headed back to their hotel. Feliciano’s flight left in the morning and he still had some packing to do. Fernando was in the semi-finals again for the second year in a row; therefore, he would not be leaving just yet. Silently, they both gathered Feliciano’s things before reuniting their bodies later on that night.

-*-

With his bag on his shoulder and his suitcase following behind him, Feliciano turned to Fernando. He set his luggage of the floor before wrapping Fernando in a tight hug.

“Good luck, chico.”

Fernando smiled at the nickname he hadn’t heard in a while. “Gracias, Feli.” He pressed his face into the crook of Feliciano’s neck and held on a little tighter when his familiar scent filled his senses. It wasn’t like the older man was leaving him, like wasn’t going to see him again but Fernando couldn’t help himself. It was going to be difficult to not have Feliciano on tour with him anymore, to not guide or entertain him. It was going to be a struggle to not have his lover around anymore, his best friend. “Make sure you call me as soon as she gives birth, okay?”

Feliciano nodded. It was such a bittersweet moment. On one hand, he was leaving the tour, leaving Fernando but on the other hand, he was going to be a father real soon. But he knew he couldn’t have it all. No one could.

“I will.”

With one last embrace, they parted with weary smiles. Feliciano dragged his suitcase out the door, ready to start a new chapter in his life.

-*-

Fernando found himself staring at Rafa from across the court again but this time it wasn’t in the semi finals. No, it was the final and after four gruelling hours, Fernando found himself with two match points. He didn’t look anywhere else but at his opponent. It didn’t matter than they knew each other, that they had some sort of friendship. In this moment, he only wanted to win and nothing was going to stand in his way.

Rafa had cracked a hard first serve that was too hot for Fernando to handle. The crowd erupted. That was one match point saved, leaving Fernando with one more. He rocked on the balls of his feet and stepped in immediately as Rafa once again served. The ball however served wide and Fernando breathed. A chance at a second serve, he could do this. The whistles and jeers of the crowd were impossibly loud but he shut it out, shut them all out until it was only him and Rafa. When the serve came sailing over, Fernando once again stepped in and smacked an aggressive forehand. Rafa being Rafa though tracked it down with ease and returned it deep in the corner, forcing the older man to sprint to get it. Fernando barely did but he quickly recovered to the middle of the baseline before Rafa cracked a backhand. The ball was coming fast at him, too fast. Fernando moved out of the way and dropped to his knees with the ball whistled by him.

The crowd’s cheer filtered into his ears. He couldn’t believe it. He reached his long life dream, the same one he had had since he was a little boy who could barely lift his Papi’s racquet. After everything that happened, he could say he was a Grand Slam Champion. There were no words to explain the feeling and right now he didn’t need to.

He got up and ran over to Rafa who was smiling despite being defeated. They hugged and congratulated each other. Rafa whispered to him that he played a tough match and that he was proud of Fernando. Beaming, Fernando turned to his box and let out a yell of triumph. He couldn’t explain the look his father gave him, the pure happiness that shined in his eyes. Not wasting a moment longer, he ran over and climbed the barrier to celebrate with his coach, family and friends.

Even after the trophy ceremony and the press conference, Fernando felt like he was walking on a cloud. He had gone out to dinner with his family who talked nonstop about how well he played. He knew there were times where it was less than perfect during the match but there was nothing he wanted to change. It was simply amazing.

So after celebrating into the early hours of the morning, everyone finally started to retreat to their respective rooms. Fernando had immediately flopped onto the bed and closed his eyes. He was the Australian Open Champion. Him, not anyone else. He couldn’t help but smile as the feeling settled in. Although his body was still buzzing from the victory, Fernando knew he should go to bed. So he got up from the mattress gingerly and looked in his bag for his kit. He noticed his phone and immediately checked it to see if he had a message from Feliciano. He did, two in fact. He checked the first one.

Hey, chico. I just wanted to let you know that I am a proud father of Palloma Lopez Gonzales. She is beautiful!

Fernando’s face split into a bright grin. He could just picture Feliciano in the hospital, all excited and spastic. He stared at the message fondly before reading the second message.

Congratulations, Nando!!! I’m so proud of you! I can’t wait until you get back home.

He immediately hit the dial button, not knowing or caring what time it was in Madrid. Feliciano’s soft but sleepy voice floated through the line and he knew it was worth it. This day would forever been ingrained in his memory.

**

As soon as the plane touched down in Madrid, Fernando had taken off to Feliciano’s house, grateful for having such a wonderful family who didn’t object to take his things for him. The entire taxi ride over had him anxious. He was nervous to Feliciano, the new father. He wondered if this would change them but he didn’t allow himself to dwell on it too much. Instead he waited until the car pulled up in front the familiar house. He paid the driver, let himself out and walked toward the door. He didn’t even hesitate to use the key that still had a place on his key ring.

The house was quiet upon stepping inside. Fernando wasn’t sure if Feliciano was even staying here; the older man might have been at his parent’s house. But he decided to search the house before setting off. There was no sign of anyone on the first floor so Fernando climbed the stairs and approached Feliciano’s room. He knocked softly and when no one responded, he decided to go inside.

Feliciano was lying on his side, fast asleep next to his daughter. He had his arm curled above her, like securing her in a little dome. The sight made Fernando smile. He wasted no time to shed his jacket and shoes before climbing carefully behind Feliciano’s sleeping body, mindful of the beautiful baby on the bed. He curled a hand around Feliciano’s hips, moulding their bodies together and closed his eyes. This was where he wanted to be.

-*-

Turning his body slightly, Feliciano collided with something solid. His eyes whipped open. Fernando was looking at him with sleepy eyes.

“Hola, Campeón.”

Fernando laughed quietly as he leaned forward for a kiss. “Hola, Papi,” he whispered against soft lips. He felt Feliciano’s lip curl against his own.

“Please don’t call me that. It sounds so wrong.”

Chuckling again, Fernando leaned back and raised a hand to caress his face. “And why would that be? If you’d get your mind out of the gutter, then you’d know that I meant it as simply that, Papi.”

That earned a laugh from the older man but his words were cut off by the soft cry of his daughter. He smiled before pulling himself up to sit up straight and taking his daughter into his arms. He cradled her carefully, rocking her gently to quiet her. When she did, Feliciano turned back to Fernando.

“Do you want to hold her?”

“I-I don’t know,” Fernando answered truthfully but honestly as well. But then seconds later, Feliciano was placing the baby into his arms and Fernando felt overwhelmed. He looked down at her and breathed out.

“Wow, Palloma. You’re beautiful, maybe even more so than your papi.”

An arm came and wrapped around his torso, pulling him tightly against Feliciano. Cautiously, he shuffled her onto one arm to run a finger down her soft cheek. Fernando had always loved children. He loved to play with them, to interact with them and learn about them. But he never had been this close to an infant before. He never had to opportunity to just hold a baby and feel the softness of their skin, to feel the frailty behind it. It astounded him beyond words.

Little Palloma looked up at him with fuzzy blue eyes. She didn’t know who Fernando was just yet. She didn’t know how important he was to her father. However, it wouldn’t take her long to know just how important he became to not only Feliciano but to her as well. Fernando had promised to himself in that moment that no matter what happened between him and Feliciano, he would always be there for her. Always.

**

Day went by, weeks, months. Palloma was growing up so quickly. Six months had passed and she was already beginning to develop and show her personality. Nothing sparked a bright smile out of her than her father. Whenever she was around Feliciano she was vivacious little girl who captured everyone’s attention, most importantly her father’s. Feliciano put his heart and soul into raising his daughter right. It was a lot of work, more work than he first thought. So he had his mother help a couple times a week, especially when he wanted some time to himself. When he first agreed to raise her, he did not calculate all the consequences, like sleep loss and feeling utterly frustrated and lost all the time. But he never ever regretted his decision. He couldn’t. Palloma had become his everything.

Everything he had formed his life around came to a halt. Tennis was over but Feliciano had come to terms with that. Reluctantly, he had said farewell to the partying and the self indulgence in flesh. He just didn’t have time for any of that anymore (and if he was truthful to himself, he knew he didn’t want it either). Anything that did not concern his daughter was not important to him anymore.

Before the US Open started, Fernando had decided to take a little break at home. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to roll out another slam, though he did put up good results at the French and Wimbledon respectively. Spain was heading for their third final and Fernando was once again an integral part of their success. He was enjoying every moment of it but he was also thankful for the break. Others, such as David, Tommy and Rafa were also back in Spain so Feliciano decided to hold a little get together, along with his family, at his house. Although he wouldn’t trade in anything for his daughter, he did miss his friends.

Palloma was passed around to each and every family member and friend. She didn’t seem to mind, cooing at every face, some familiar, some new. The party had been outside in the backyard and Feliciano was content to just sit and have a good time, knowing his daughter was in good and capable hands. Currently she had her fist curl around a lock David’s long dangly hair, pulling and squealing with glee. David however, as content every time his hair was tugged on but he didn’t have the heart to make her let go.

He was deep in a conversation with his brother, Victor, and Rafa when his phone buzzed in his pocket. When he pulled it out, he saw that he had a message from Fernando.

Come upstairs.

Feliciano smiled at the message as he looked up and around. Fernando had been at the party for about an hour but hadn’t been outside with them for a while now. Feliciano wondered what he was up to. So he politely excused himself and made his way back inside. He stopped by the kitchen first and refilled his wine glass. Feliciano then proceed through the house and up the stairs. When he reached the top, he wasn’t sure where to go. Fernando hadn’t indicated where he was to go, but Feliciano guessed his younger lover would be in his room. Slowly pushing the door open, Feliciano stepped into his bedroom. The sight that greeted him took his breath away - that was until he just had to laugh.

Fernando had drawn all the curtains in the room, in attempt to block out as much light as possible (however, they were in Madrid in August so it was a little difficult to do). There were two lit candles on each of the tables that were on either side of the large bed. Fernando stood at the foot of the bed, a single red rose in his hand. The smile on his face was electric but genuine and Feliciano wanted nothing more than to throw himself at his young lover.

Feliciano stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He walked over to dresser and placed his glass on the top before making his way to Fernando. They stood facing each other, one wearing a bright smile, the other with a look of curiosity. Fernando reached out and grasped Feliciano’s hand in his own, linking their fingers together and led him around to the side of the bed. They took a seat on the mattress, their bodies aligned to one another.

“Feli,” Fernando started, his eyes wide and honest. “I have been thinking, well for a while now. This whole thing between us... When you kissed me at the pool in my house that day, we started something, didn’t we? But because I was so stupid I fought against it, against you for a long time. Even after Argentina. But I shouldn’t have. Sure, we said that we both want each other but for the first time, I realized that I actually do, Feli. I want you and everything that comes with it.” He stopped and dropped his gaze to their hands. He felt like the words he was saying were stupid but he wouldn’t stop, not when this was his only opportunity to get it out in the open. “I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you. Not like before, not like a friend but as something more.”

The words hit Feliciano and he absorbed them. He tugged on Fernando’s hand, hoping he would look up. When he did, Feliciano smiled and leaned in for a chaste but sweet kiss. “I already knew that.” He settled his free hand on Fernando’s cheek, softly caressing his stubbled cheek. “I already knew that not only because we’ve said it to each before but because every time we would somehow come back together. It made me think, when I was alone for the first month with Palloma. Every time you pushed me away when we were younger, we still ended together. I know we don’t always talk about what’s important - and maybe we should - but we seem to be doing something right.” His blue eyes were soft and comforting. When silence fell between them, Fernando lost himself within such depths. It was broken moments later however, when Feliciano laughed.

“So you decided to treat me like a woman with the candles and the rose? Which you still haven’t given me by the way.”

Fernando blushed as he handed over the flower, forgetting entirely that it was in his hand. Feliciano laughed again and kissed him on the cheek. Fernando tried his best to shove him but it wasn’t very convincing.

“Hey! I have no idea what the rules are when you’re in a relationship with a guy, okay?” Fernando teased back. His body relaxed, his voice quietening. “I thought you would like it though.”

Feliciano wrapped his long arms around his young lover and kissed the top of his head. “Of course I like it. It’s sweet. You know I’m only teasing.” He looked directly into his Fernando’s eyes, his own twinkling. “As long as you are the girl from time to time too.”

Fernando laughed. “Of course. I expect chocolates and wine, Feli, and nothing less.”

Feliciano’s response was to press their mouths together. His fingers went dug into the waistband of Fernando’s jeans, pulled out his shirt and then trailed up the soft skin of his back. He felt the little moan Fernando hummed in the back of throat. Pressing their bodies closer, there was no mistaking that they both wanted each other, right at that moment.

Pulling back however, Feliciano broke their kiss. “So you also planned to have sex with everyone downstairs?”

Fernando nodded his head eagerly, a grin on his lips. “David’s on the lookout. No one will even know we’re gone.”

Feliciano laughed but didn’t argue as Fernando tugged at the hem of his shirt. He lifted his arms and let his younger lover remove the clothing. After the shirt was out of the way, Fernando bent his head and swiped his tongue along soft skin. Feliciano tipped his head back and moaned. Hands were suddenly on his shoulders and eased him onto his back. Fernando slithered off of his body and onto to the floor, looking up at the older man from his knees. Deft fingers undid the button of his jeans, as well as the zipper. The jeans were slowly pulled away from Feliciano’s body and onto the floor. Fernando stood up and slowly unbuttoned his own shirt, his eyes on the man laying down on the bed. He slipped it off his shoulders and let it fall before shrugging out of his pants. When his clothes were nice pile on the floor, Fernando climbed back on to the bed, settling above Feliciano. He leaned over to the side to reach into the table and pulled out a condom and lubricant. Turning back, hazel eyes smiled down on the older man.

The cap on the lubricant snapped open. Feliciano’s cock twitched at the sound. Fernando made quite the vision looming over him as he did. His long hair was tucked behind ears, a few strays falling into his eyes. His eyes were intense, his smile devilish, and Feliciano had never wanted him so much. He shuffled forward so he was sitting directly over Feliciano’s cock. Reaching back, Fernando rubbed his lubricant covered fingers against his entrance. He dropped onto an elbow so his face was just inches apart from Feliciano’s as he pushed his fingers into himself.

Watch with wide eyes, Feliciano’s heart skipped when Fernando’s eyes fluttered shut, his self penetration overwhelming his senses. He hooked his arms around the younger man’s neck and smashed their lips together. Fernando’s eyes flew open but quickly closed again as he succumbed to the onslaught of sensations. A moan escaped from Feliciano; Fernando had begun to rotate his hips slowly against his cock as he fucked himself on his fingers.

The room was silent, so silent that if either man stopped to listen they could have heard the noise coming from their guests outside. But they were too focused on each other, on their own needs and pleasures. Reaching out blindly, Feliciano’s fingers scaled as far as they could reach for the condom. He couldn’t wait any longer to feel Fernando around his cock. When he found it, he brought both hands to Fernando’s ass. The fingers of one hand ran over Fernando’s own, rubbing against the digits but not pushing in. Fernando moaned into his mouth before he tore it away, gasping for air as he did so.

“Hurry, Feli.”

Feliciano didn’t need to be told twice. He could feel Fernando’s cock leaking against his stomach. Hastily, the condom was ripped open, the wrapper tossed aside somewhere. He tapped against Fernando’s backside and the younger man lifted himself slightly off of him. Feliciano slipped his hand between their bodies and fumbled to put the condom onto his cock. Fernando looked down when his older lover made a frustrated sound, and laughed, finding their eagerness and desperation hilarious (and a little bit ridiculous). He lifted his body further until it was completely out of Feliciano’s way. The older man grinned at him sheepishly as he rolled the condom on and then pulled his younger lover back on top of him. Their cocks brushed against each other, enticing another moan from both men.

Tipping a little bit of lubricant onto his fingers, Feliciano ran the liquid over his sheathed cock before resting the length against Fernando’s crease. The younger man whimpered as he began to rub against his entrance but still hadn’t pressed inside. Fernando pressed his lips against the shell of Feliciano’s ear, his voice raw and needy.

“Fuck me, Feli.”

A shudder ran though the older man, the words and the tone turning him on further. The teasing was set aside as Feliciano pushed inside him, deliberate and slow. Fernando could feel every inch of his cock slide into him and he loved it. The stretch burned - it had been a while - but he savoured it and wanted more. He pushed his hips down against Feliciano and moaned when the cock inside him slid in completely. He panted against Feliciano’s ear; the penetration had overwhelmed him. When his breathing steadied, Fernando slowly began rotating his hips, a recreation of his earlier actions when he was teasing his older lover. Feliciano gripped his thighs with tense fingers but he didn’t mind, didn’t care because he was just as desperate.

They picked up vigour and suddenly their lovemaking was no longer slow and easy. It became fast and desperate. Fernando began to bounce on Feliciano’s cock energetically. Doing his best to keep the younger man from losing his balance, Feliciano tucked his hands underneath Fernando’s thighs, his fingernails digging into soft skin.

The sound of skin slapping filled the room, as did their moans. Fernando leaned back, resting one hand on Feliciano’s chest while the other wrapped around his cock. He rubbed the precum over the length of his cock before he matched his strokes in time with Feliciano’s thrusts. The moment he was coming, he clamped down hard on Feliciano’s cock. His body went rigid as his come spurted into his hand and onto Feliciano’s stomach, the white fluid stark against rich tanned skin. His back straightened when Feliciano took control of his thrusts and began to piston his hips with incredible force. Five, six thrusts later, he was coming with a shout.

The shuddered eventually passed, the aftershock taking a toll on both bodies. Fernando fell forward. He rubbed his cum into Feliciano’s skin, loving the way the muscles scrunched under his touch. They remained unmoving until the sound of the party broke through the fog of their sated minds. They both groaned when Feliciano slipped out of Fernando and hauled the younger man up. They headed to the washroom and attempted to clean up the best they could.

It wasn’t until forty-five minutes after they had first disappear did they rejoin the party. No one seemed to notice their absence or chose not to mention it; except for David. He winked at them with a shit eating grin. The two men just flashed smiles of their own as they approached Feliciano’s mother who had Palloma in her arms. Palloma had barely touched Feliciano’s skin before he was carefully handing his daughter to Fernando, who just smiled genuinely, first to his lover and then at the beautiful baby girl. He held her close. She seemed to like it when he squinted his eyes at her and stuck out his tongue, smiling and gurgling to show to her delight. Suddenly a thought crossed his mind.

“Feli? Do you have a camera?”

Feliciano laughed and nodded. He was just about to run inside when his mother hollered that she had one in her purse. She even offered to take a photo with the three of them together. One arm curled around Fernando’s side, holding him close against Feliciano. The others at the party seemed to fade away. Fernando held Palloma closely to his body, mindful of any possible discomfort for her. Together, the three of them posed happily for the camera.

Others had joined in for a picture with Palloma as well. Aunts, uncles, friends, everyone seemed to want one with the little baby. She was passed around before being settled into Feliciano’s arms once again. After a few more shots, Feliciano decided that they all had enough and his mother put away the camera. When the party resumed the older man turned to his lover, his lips brushing against the shell of Fernando’s ear.

“Thank you.”

Fernando turned his bright and infectious smile on his lover. He wrapped his arms around Feliciano, cradling Palloma close to their bodies, cocooning the little girl in their safe haven that consisted of only them.

**

A little girl dressed in a royal blue football kit, her hair in a ponytail that was neat but not so much anymore, came strolling over to the sidelines when the whistle blew. She huddled close with her teammates as their coach began to praise and congratulate them on the win. The girl had her arms thrown across another’s shoulder, her face lit with a smile. When the group broke up, she headed toward the bench and collected her things before turning to face the crowd. Her eyes quickly scanned the crowd for two familiar faces. When she spotted them, she quickly ran over, her smile getting even wider.

“Papi! Papa! Did you see me score? Twice?!” She all but shouted with glee as she reached her fathers.

Feliciano caught his daughter as she jumped into his arms, her ponytail bouncing in the air. “You were brilliant, nené!” He said with laughter as he swung her around in his arms. When he put her down, she pounced on Fernando next. Fernando too laughed as the little girl went on and on excitedly about the match. She was just a little ball of energy, their little ball of energy. She was just in the middle of explaining the great play she made to get around the defender and put away her second goal of the match when Fernando stopped her. All her words sound like hundreds smashed together.

“Slow down, Palloma! I can’t understand what you’re saying!” Fernando exasperated. He let her down from his arms as they walked toward the car park.

Feliciano grinned at him when Palloma just continued with her story, not hearing Fernando’s words.

“Just like you; always talking and never giving anyone else a chance.”

Fernando tried to glare at his partner but just laughed when Feliciano wiggled his eyebrows, cutting the sting out of his words. “If it weren’t true, I’d kick your ass, amor.” Laughing the two men walked to their car with their daughter chattering very loudly. They got into the car and drove home.

-*-

As soon as the family piled inside the house, Fernando whisked Palloma to the bathroom to wash up. Feliciano headed straight for the kitchen. Somewhere through the years it had been discovered that Feliciano could indeed cook (the same could not be said for Fernando), thus the older man always had the cooking duties. He didn’t mind actually; he liked to cook. He had already chosen the meal for the night and went about preparing it. He washed and cut the vegetables, cleaned the meat, and sliced the home cooked bread his mother would always drop off for them. He then diligently put the meal together, all the while humming a tune.

This was definitely not what he thought he would be doing years ago. In that time of his life, he would have seen himself still partying at the age he was now, not cooking for his family. But Palloma had changed everything six years ago and Feliciano didn’t regret it for a second. Tennis was still a part of his life - he had discovered a young boy on the courts one day and was now his coach. But if Feliciano was truthful, the one thing he definitely did not see in life all those years ago was Fernando. His friend had become so much more, and they had their share of ups and downs along the way. Fernando had not only become someone he could rely on with his life, but with his daughter’s too. The way he doted on the little girl was evident of how much he truly loved her, loved him. Feliciano knew there was nothing in the world or the next that could make him want to trade it all away.

Later, Palloma had run into the kitchen, freshly clean with Fernando right behind her. She started up her tale of the great goals she had scored again, gesturing with wide eyes. It amazed Fernando how much they resembled Feliciano’s, almost identical. There was no mistaking that she was Feliciano’s. However, somewhere along the way, she had adopted Fernando’s liking of words and always wanted to tell a story of some sort. There was no question that he was her parents’ child. Dinner was consumed gladly as the men indulged their little girl by asking questions about her thoughts on the match. Fernando and Feliciano shot each other a look whenever Palloma had added a piece of fiction in her recap but neither man interrupted her. Soon, dinner came to an end and all three of the Lopez-Verdasco’s helped to tidy the kitchen.

After dinner, Fernando and Palloma settled on the couch and in front of the television. The sports channel was replaying a football match from earlier in the week that both of them had missed. The little girl first sat on her own in the corner before deciding Fernando’s lap made a better seat. Together they watched the match, cheering for the Whites, yelling at the opponents and screaming at the referees.

The third member of the family had escaped to the upstairs. There was something he had wanted to do for a long time now but Feliciano kept putting it off. But when he was cleaning the spare room earlier and had noticed the boxes and boxes of photographs, he finally decided it was long overdue. He entered into the guest room and headed for the large walk-in closet. Opening the door carefully, Feliciano rolled up his sleeves and began to take out each and every box of photos they had. Five minutes later, he had four big boxes on the bed behind him. He then reached up to the top shelf of the closet and pulled down a photo album David had bought him years ago. It might have been a joke to his friend but Feliciano had always wanted to fill up the pages with bright photographs. Happy with his findings, Feliciano closed the closet before he made his way back to the bed where the boxes were waiting.

He opened the first box and began to sort through the photos. There were so many of his childhood. Photos of bad hair cut after bad hair cut surfaced until he found a picture he thought he lost. His and Fernando’s young smiling face stared back at him. It was the picture they had taken when Feliciano had lived with Fernando’s family all those years ago. It was nothing more than a small rectangle but he cherished it above all else. As dug a little deeper he came across the picture of him and Fernando at his apartment in Barcelona, a photo they took at his housewarming party. He laughed out loud at how drunk they looked. That night had been something different entirely... It was probably the night that changed their lives forever.

With a smile on his face, Feliciano continued to ruffle through the photographs. He found a lot of good ones with his family and friends, or Fernando with his family and friends. There was no order to these boxes; all the pictures were mixed up but Feliciano didn’t mind. It just made the whole process fun for him. In the second box, his eyes locked on to one picture, well on to one feature of that picture.

His body had practically been crushed against one side of Fernando’s. God, they had been so obvious. Feliciano’s eyes flickered over to where Carlos was standing and the space difference there was between the older Spaniard and Fernando’s body. Feliciano could only smile at memory though. He would never forget, for as long as he lived, the younger man’s reaction when he met Carlos.

The third box was more of their playing days, of the cities they travelled to. There were many of Paris and London, two of their favourite cities (well beside Madrid that was - Fernando would not accept that there could ever be a place better than his hometown). When he came across a few picture of Argentina, Feliciano became excited. He hastily pushed photos aside before he found what he was looking for.

His thumb ran over his and Fernando’s hugging image, the Spanish flag draped around them proudly. He was surprised to see the intensity he shared with his lover was caught on film. He remembered threatening David for taking the photo that day but now he was glad he did. That day had been amazing on so many different levels.

The fourth and final box had more recent pictures. There had been photos of Palloma through the years, starting from when she was an infant until now. He pulled the picture his mother had taken at the party he had at his house when Palloma was only six months old. He couldn’t believe how beautiful his family was.

Minutes ticked by, but Feliciano remained lost among the thousands of memories he surrounded himself with. It wasn’t until there was a knock on the door that Feliciano had realized that it was Palloma’s bedtime.

“Papi?”

Feliciano smiled and signalled his little girl to come closer. She hopped onto the bed but was careful of all the photographs too.

“What are you doing?”

Before Feliciano could answer however, Fernando’s voice cut him off.

“Palloma, what are you doing? Did I not say it’s time for bed?” Fernando asked sternly as he too made his way into the guestroom. His eyebrows rose as he saw Feliciano amongst the scattered photos.

“I just wanted to know what Papi is doing,” she turned back to Feliciano after answering the questions. “So what are you doing, Papi?”

“Well,” Feliciano started. He smiled and nodded Fernando to come sit with him. When the younger man obliged, he wrapped his arms around him. “I wanted to start a photo album and have all the pictures of the people I love.” He smiled again when Fernando turned and kissed him on the cheek.

The three of them stayed on the bed for hours, pouring over photographs after photographs, despite it being past Palloma’s bedtime. Together, Feliciano and Fernando shared their life with their daughter, a life she was proud to be a part of.

The End :)